Redefining masculinity | Shane Horsburgh | TEDxCanberra

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. What might the world look like if we redefined masculinity? Shane Horsburgh shares his personal journey from a false identity of hyper masculinity to a new understanding of what it means to be a man.
Spending 17 years as a police officer at state and federal level, Shane Horsburgh thought he had a good grip on the world around him; including the perspectives he held, and the identity he formed as a result.
A highly trained operative in special operations and domestic counter terrorism, Shane experienced firsthand the devastating impact of violence and intolerance in society; especially those involving innocent children. He would often look at children impacted by violence and/or crime and think, ‘gee I hope someone comes along and shows them a different way of looking at life, so they don’t think this is all it has to offer’.
It wasn’t until he had left the police and headed to war-torn Iraq that a fortuitous conversation with an elderly Iraqi Muslim (known as the ‘Professor’) lifted the veil on his own, limited perspective. Little did he know…what he had wished for others was exactly what he needed?
Realising the macho laden, ego driven world he was operating in did not define who he was, he set about making massive changes in order to live a more peaceful existence. Ironically, in the midst a war-zone Shane’s conversation with the ‘Professor’ initiated a re-acquaintance with long-lost perspectives and practices; previously disguised by the masculine façade he thought he needed to make it in today’s world.
With local ACT charity Menslink, Shane is currently delivering a program to schools across the territory entitled Silence is Deadly. This initiative encourages young men to talk about any problems or hassles they may have as a normal part of growing up; aiming to reduce teenage pressures and the disturbing statistics on young male suicide in our community. Shane also talks to the young men about the image of what a ‘real man’ is, with the intention of busting manhood myths to create a more inclusive, accepting society.
His passion for helping others stay on roller-coaster ride of life has resulted in the publication of his autobiography, Fighting Blind, in 2012.
About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

[@victorjones9951]

In reading the comments to this Talk, it is amazing how offended some "men" are by a man who is merely describing his journey into being a more authentic version of himself. Why does his courage to challenge his identity strike such discomfort in some people? Their reactions are actually evidence of the toxic ego that is the subject of his Talk. I like the fact that Shane is able to connect with the emotional maturity and humanity written into the comparatively small "Yoda." Dominance is more celebrated than wisdom. Confidence is more important than knowledge. Wisdom and knowledge beget kindness human development. Men who think of women as lesser beings than men don't know much, if anything, about the history of women. Its not their fault entirely. Our society has deliberately left women out of the instruction of history. Brother Shane - Continue to develop your soul. Thanks for a great talk.

[@homaha]

Reading some of the comments below, I can't help but laugh at the trolls and their attempt to preserve their masculine image by slandering the talk. Though you are a few years my senior Shane, I have walked a similar path to what you have described. I was once a special operations medic, who had the misfortune of responding to a couple of particularly disturbing suicides and like yourself remember in those moments trying to push my emotions aside so that nobody would see my weakness. It has been 5 years now since I have been out of the military and I am still having my battles with anxiety and my self image and sometimes feel like I have lost or fallen from the "hero" I used to be. To see you stand and confidently talk like you did, about what you did, gives me hope that I will someday be able to as well. Well done!

[@kate_gibzreviews1668]

You are a hero by opening up

[@vedranlekic9725]

The next generation that Socrates whined about ended up destroying Athens with their inability to defend Athens from the newly emerging patriarchal masculine Macedonian empire.

[@dc8890]

Blood is coming. These pussies will be the first to die in the inevitable war. There is no way that a large scale war is not coming given what is happening in the world right now.

[@aryanchaudhary6214]

@@johnnorth1565 A "certain" religion hahaha. We can certainly rule out Buddhism and Taoism(which is more like a mgtow-monk way of life aimed at Enlightenment and being in harmony with Pure Awareness, rather than religion) as being that religion : P

[@daca8395]

E moj Vedrane, nek je tebi sa srećom u životu, al se bojim da tako nećeš daleko dogurati

[@superasper]

Wars are now fought with drones. So, the nation possessing the most geeks should win :-) I’m only half joking.

[@seanhoward7525]

The women in the audience love Shane because he was the essence of masculinity. They love him more because he became sensitive, but they loved him initially because he was masculine. He says we need to redefine masculinity for 50% percent of the population, but in truth we need to redefine masculinity for 100% of the population.

[@chiwong7108]

+Sean Howard don't be a mangina

[@ewblacksheep]

Chi Wong I don't think that's what e was saying.

[@HealingMagick]

True, we do need to redefine what we consider to be a masculine man. But when it comes to "attraction" as your comment notes, it's a given that most straight women are drawn to masculine men. Just like most straight men are drawn by feminine women. It's a biological, evolutionary thing that goes beyond cultural norms, of what the society defines as masculine or feminine. In the end though, we're both drawn to someone whole, who has developed traits of both ends of the "spectrum", which is why, yes... the physical strength AND self awareness of the speaker is a desirable trait by many people and not just women.

[@gabrielahansen683]

message for anyone that gets angry when hearing this talk about men just being more authentic and true to themselves by being more connected to their feeling center: Women LOVE guys that are full of feelings and talking about them. That's honesty. And authenticity. Also, girls, pay for your shit. Guys are amazing in their full emotional complexity and that's human nature that should be embraced. Any girl that would tear you down for being a human being, is an idiot!

[@aryanchaudhary6214]

LMFAO. Thanks for the laughs. Hahahahaha@women LOVE guys that are full of feelings. (Can't stop laughing LOL!)

[@markrobson5614]

getting at men at a lot of things that aren’t there basic social media hype!

[@lancewalker2595]

Your redefinition of masculinity is pretty well established, its called femininity. Redefining masculinity as femininity, what a wonderful idea.

[@ACMr2d2]

No! It is called Humanity! And that is a great idea indeed.

[@lancewalker2595]

@@ACMr2d2 The traits he defined are feminine, that is indisputable. From your perspective is it possible to be both masculine and human at the same time?

[@BeGlamourlicious]

You can do whatever you wan na do. If you don’t deal with your emotion in an smart and correct way.... it’s your choice. It’s just one way makes you a good person and a happy one.... the other one makes you miserable and is dangerous for everybody around you..... so choose wisely

[@yunidai16]

@@ACMr2d2 Just like humanity, masculinity and femininity aren't monoliths or singular traits.

[@ACMr2d2]

@@lancewalker2595 We all have feminin and male traits.

[@ZapatosVibes]

So many insecure men in the comments section of these videos. It's perfectly okay to be strong and manly while still being connected with your emotions. If you need to physically dominate others, including women, to feel manly, then you aren't a man : just a sad little boy in a man's body.

[@maestrosk]

I think it's because of the dozens of time a man today sees all of his girlfriends or crushes go for the human equivalent of a raging aggressive bull. The problem with progressive views, as always, is its disconnection to reality.

[@karennsj7491]

then is the issue the desire to change and become more of a person than a raging aggressive bull, or the fact that we've been taught that anyone who does anything that does not abide strictly by absurd gender roles someone inferior? yes, progressive views are disconnected from reality, because they try to reshape reality into something better. if no one takes the first step, no one will follow, and things will remain the same. the courage is in diverging from toxic behaviors and growing as a person, despite and against the current. living blindly and refusing to try to analyze and change behaviors and ideas, even if they are harmful, is idiotic. and that includes the idea of what a perfect partner should be- be it a woman chasing after men with clear fucking emotional issues, or the men that would chase after someone so shallow.

[@iliketofuckwomen1265]

Lokipower always the same argument : ad hominem "" bunch of insecure lil boys " always the same . No substance .

[@atticus319]

@LokiPower: it's judgmental comments like yours that teach men that the world is hostile toward them and that they need to be careful of what they allow others to see. If you're a man, I'm guessing you're a product of a single mom, which is unfortunate. Women don't generally know what to do with boys, so we get men who are trying to show things to the world, instead of expressing themselves with integrity and compassion. Get yourself around men. Visit some men's forums, join men's groups. You'll find that men are far gentler and stronger, and more emotionally intelligent than what the media depicts.

[@arunadissanayake3687]

Lokipower Amen🙏

[@danwilliamson6418]

MEN protect women and children and OLD people. We love (as well as lust). We try to be fair and we learn.

[@daca8395]

Yes! Agree! But that doesnt mean we dont feal. We are fighters, but also lovers, friends, fathers, sons! We can curry the world on our sholders, but that soesnt mean we need to carry it alone!

[@Lollol-nl4rf]

What do men protect us from? From extraterrestrials?

[@ACMr2d2]

men protect women from men! The mentality behind is that we need to create the disease in order to cure it. We have to have enemies in order to have protectors. The disease has nothing to do with masculinity but with power, dominance, and selfishness that any person can adopt as their supreme values. Unfortunately, we all had been raised to believe that those values are more self-preserving than altruism, cooperation, compassion, and solidarity.

[@Wanderer-l9h]

To me this talk is not so much about masculinity. It's about "the warrior" who found the "lover" inside of himself, if we talk in Jung terms. All masculinity is different. All men should learn to connect with the feminine inside of them selves.

[@daca8395]

Is it feminin, or is it just normal part of being a human? Doesnt masculinity mean doing same things with a different twist?

[@christobul9688]

I think that a that there is not line between warrior and lover. A man that keeps both sides in check well is a great man. For this he needs his code. Out of balance one way he is a thug, out of balance the other he is a simp. Balance your code and live by it.

[@MrJonesy251]

Before this I had no idea what TED is..I probably still don't. But coming from the same State vocation..I understood what you said. Now days I have the time to sit and smell the roses once more. Very good

[@matthewmoriarty8985]

You're awesome Shane!

[@nikikoltai3539]

Wow absolutely loved this, brilliant ! Thank you so much !!

[@BeGlamourlicious]

What a great guy. He didn’t used to be but he really changed.... that is something pretty rare.

[@HumanResearch]

Am I the only one that found this useful? I thought he touched on great points there about building more solid relationships with his ex-wife and how pre-conceived images of masculinity would mean being seething with jealousy, rather than accepting and respectful. Could have done without the path less chosen line at the end, but a good effort and I got a lot from this. Thanks

[@MidnightRambler]

yes you are the only one.

[@yetz2291]

@@MidnightRambler Nein

[@acroyogawithdao7416]

redefining what a man looks like. i want to be this man. loved this talk

[@ihres_]

He's a great man my uncle 👍🏼

[@joshuadaltilia8480]

I've often made too much of an effort myself to create too much of a big male ego with in myself in my life time due to how strongly I want people to view me as very masculine, especially for women to see me that way

[@jeanpaulgartier3404]

Masculinity is muscular, stoic and responsible.

[@donkzilla1]

such a great talk, so true. has helped me so much already :) thank you my friend.

[@shanehorsburgh7718]

Thank you dz. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Take care. Shane.

[@johnculley5852]

In the United States masculinity has been under threat ever since Vietnam veterans were spat upon when they returned from the Vietnam war. Of the 58,272 persons listed on the Vietnam memorial wall only eight are women.

[@McNabbula]

Thank you for this statistic

[@johnculley5852]

@@McNabbula Women were the first of many interest groups to pounce on the term post traumatic stress disorder to push their agendas after the Vietnam War. They eventually robbed it of any coherent meaning. PTSD was invented by mental health professionals to replace battle fatigue and other terms invented during the two world wars to describe the impact of combat on military members. The goofiest use of this term was in Marxist sociology "Professor" Jerry Lembecke's controversial 1998 book entitled The Spitting Image: Myth, Memory and the Legacy of Vietnam where he argues that Vietnam Veterans' memories of abuse they suffered at the hands of fellow Americans were a figment of their imaginations caused by PTSD.

[@sretuft]

What is up with the commenters on this TEDx talk? Was this talk shared on 4chan or something?

[@anataone]

This really helps weaker men feel better about themselves. Aww so cute

[@ACMr2d2]

Actually, this ted talk is quite aggressive towards the weak EGO.

[@nicklarson657]

so good and so true!

[@kaseybrown7664]

Let me save you some time. "I was a real tough guy and joined the military. But guess what? I can sing and dance and not be embarrassed because it doesn't make me less manly!" -- That's it. It took 18 minutes to say that. You're welcome.

[@D0x1511af]

and wear pink

[@cynthiapereira8403]

I think he did an excellent job explaining why my abusive ex husband is the way he is. However, it is true that people in general, both men and women, don't live authentically and hurt many people because of it.

[@yunidai16]

Some choreography is also based similar footwork from knights and soldiers.

[@conor7875]

This is excellent

[@paulwatson7176]

Masculinity is about maturity self control and respecting women.

[@Valefolken]

It means different things to different people. Respecting women specifically is not masculine to me. That's white-knighting. Respecting both genders, so long as the individual is a good person, is masculine. Men don't deserve any less respect. Quit kissing ass and be a decent human being to both genders. More than anything, it's about independence. Not isolation, but independence, being completely self-sufficient. To be able to cover all of your bases if the people in your life ever left. If I'm living with someone who does my laundry and irons my shirts for me, and they leave, or something happens to them, or they're on vacation, no problem. I got it covered. It's all about life skills.

[@nbagoats4819]

Respecting all people not just women.

[@ggrthemostgodless8713]

That duality he is asking people to face is false... is not just between Ego or Soul... there is all sorts of things people can choose from... if someone asks you is either your Ego or your Soul, anyone with half a learning life can immediately say to that, ARE THOSE THE ONLY TWO CHOICES?? And if someone tries to reduce everything in life between those two he or she is an asshole and if he or she really believes it he is also stupid. There's been others in history that force everything in life to fit into a few LINGUISTIC concepts, and as they "progress" in there studies they keep expanding the definition or REACH of those few definitions they are obsessed with, RACE, SEX, GENDER, SOCIAL CLASS, OR other thing some people have tried to force all of human existence to fit into. In this case he says you're either guided by Ego or Soul... what a crock of shit.

[@mindvolution]

So, he became a soldier thinking it was the ultimate masculine thing to do, until he realized war is ridiculous and he's in it only for the money. Then, he redefined his perspectives on life and human relationships. Nice!

[@sockysworld8010]

Awesome

[@everett8610]

No substance..Turn down your masculinity etc.. Wheres the "Turn down your femininity" from womens view point? It is NOT masculinity thats abusive its certain behaviors. Nor does femininity have an abusive attribute that needs attention.. This guys journey to becoming a better "person" isnt based on masculinity. Women and Men both can be controlling and manipulative. Studies even show that women on the abusive scale do much more psychological harm than the macho ego physical male abuser. So which is really worse? I think this talk would have been much better and even reached more people had he not ever restricted it by mentioning masculinity..It could have applied across the board as growing into a kinder better person..

[@marileaarianna5443]

I agree that yes it's not the masculinity, in it's pure scientific definition, it's what our culture is posing as masculinity. That is to say they are defining masculinity as something it's not and thus taking away from what it truly means to be masculine

[@holysex1052]

Its the societal view of masculinity not the medically scientific view.

[@cynthiapereira8403]

Could you please link those studies? I'd really love to know what women do that psychologically damage men worse than men can psychologically damage women, and then the qualifiers that were used. Let's bring out some details.

[@SpikeRazzor]

@@cynthiapereira8403 I literally Googled this in about 5 minutes, why have you not done the same? This is the age of information at your fingertips.

[@johnbyrne108]

Thanks Shane Great talk I really enjoyed your ability to articulate the story of making your way with the map and recognising that sometimes the map is clear and sometimes we need a new map I work with men mostly but moving into working more with youth as well. Good luck on your journey I'm sure you'll be a great inspiration to many young men along the way.

[@shanehorsburgh7718]

Thanks John. I wish you all the best in your journey as well. Cheers.

[@dporangecounty]

Outstanding example of an "Evolved Man"!

[@Devils_in_Stripes]

This comment section is sooo filled with small call of duty boys... xD

[@joshuadaltilia8480]

Speaking of the year 2003, I wonder why these stereotypes of masculinity wasn't spoken about back then. Or was it talked about back then but I didn't know?

[@larryquick4324]

Nice one.

[@CandyLemon36]

The wisdom in this content is quite profound. A book with akin insights offered a new perspective on life. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint

[@akanshashankar8589]

He is following a noble cause, we need men like him. Unfortunately millions of years of evolution does not change in a decade or so. Masculinity, both positive and negative, is not going anywhere.

[@barbiechai2386]

ha ha get off the drugs and stop dreaming your crazy dreams dork lol :D

[@tassospel229]

anyone else here because of their AP Lang class?

[@rehannoon8709]

they made you watch this in AP lang???

[@JaneDoe-ik9oh]

Imagine telling a son "boys don't cry". That IMO is failed parenting. At least he's addressing his problems now, I guess?

[@rainystone607]

Jane Doe boys don’t cry is a threat that helps them in the future

[@yunidai16]

@@rainystone607 And people act as if only boys are told not to cry, when some girls are also told not to cry.

[@seanl548]

This is like when they broke Luke in 'Cool Hand Luke.'

[@Gingerblaze]

Superman in Superman 2 when he gave up his powers.

[@ggrthemostgodless8713]

He says he felt liberated and like BURDEN was lifted off his shoulders, when he left his masculinity behind and chose instead to be a woman, except he chose to call THAT "masculinity" or a "new version" of masculinity... what he experienced seems to be what happens to anyone who sees anything as a BURDEN, if you see your masculinity as a burden then for sure you will feel lighter and freer if you leave it behind for something a lot LIGHTER. IN the weigh- room no one likes to do squats or deadlifts, because deep squats are HARD, and being a man is hard if you don't enjoy the task. Like squats, you don't do them because you LIKE them, you do them because that is the best thing to do when you train, it is the best thing to do with your time in the gym. What else are you going to do? the bosu ball?? That is what women do, and there is a reason for that.

[@Sahajanandap]

His speech doesn't make much sense to me. He seem confused and still upset and without much trace of reasoning or intuition.

[@claudblacksmith7979]

you seem upset and confused pal, i suggest you look more into it. Perhaps you are going through the 5 stages of Acceptance and right now you are in the Denial Stage; where you find yourself denying alternate views of masculinity.

[@frlouiegoad4087]

He is saying let us just enjoy every sin we can. This is the way of the world.

[@BlackShampoo75]

Play 2x

[@downsjmmyjones101]

Women got their gender revolution but men missed out. Women moved on and men stayed behind. Now men are realizing that the identity they staked their flags in has dissappeared and society has found the old ways to be unsuitable for the modern day. So what do guys do? Follow what the women did and let guys choose the old way if they want or any number of new ways.

[@martynblackburn1977]

Because as men who don't do gender revolutions. Our revolution began before women's: we created civilsiation: we built the pyramids, we built the Great Library, we built the railway and the first flying machine. Our revolution will always be greater than women's poxy gender revolution.

[@zabdas83]

a false indentity encouraged by the law enforcement authorities...

[@Ken19700]

His story seems to have more to do with becoming middle aged.

[@MrCarl760]

Also the argument that "masculinity is scientific and in nature therefor cannot be changed." is literally so backwards. Evolution is the literal proof and definition of nature changing itself overtime to fit better circumstances, nature changes all the fuckin time. Last time i checked, its not daytime 24/7 365 days a year, things move and change every day. Anyways i got off topic, "masculinity" does not directly equal bravery, toughness, or whatever youre referencing in nature. Masculinity is a classification, label, or name much like being ugly, fun, cool, pretty, or gross. What we as a society define as masculine, ugly, funny, enjoyable, or crazy can change just the next day, thats just evolution of society. So in otherwords, masculine is not a synonym for tough much like beautiful is not a synonym for short or blonde-haired, its just what we may classify as masculinity or beauty may be, which can always change the very next day.

[@MrCarl760]

Boom Ol yes because of societal norms that demand that they have to be. The entire point of this video is that those societal norms are harmful and should be broken.

[@laurahamdi9697]

You know what I realised. This is High school musical🤩🤩🤩😱😱😱 Zac Efron as Troy Bolton did it. He was the masculine picture boy, he got the best girl AND he also participated in theatre musicals. He excelled both and did alright in his life!!

[@DJJonPattrsn22]

@TEDx Talks: Please! AUDIO post-processing-normalization, compression... come on, it's not that difficult or time consuming at all.

[@tylercooper1551]

To all the males saying masculinity is based in science, i say you are correct. But let me offer a counterpoint... Evolution is also based in science... Just something to think about, but sadly I imagine you won't

[@clemsonimperialz3839]

Evolving into manginas? Hmm

[@har.19]

look at the comments section, it's other people saying look at the comments section at all the plebs who dare make a 'reasonable opinion' debating 101: attack the argument, not the person

[@wingzerofor]

If i want to be the irl Rambo, i'm going to be the irl Rambo stop making things up and pushing an agenda on us.

[@ihres_]

It's my uncle Shane 😆

[@aubreymoeketsi6531]

your uncle suck

[@AleziahSpiers]

Seems like more of an ego issue rather than a masculinity issue.

[@cynthiapereira8403]

I have heard it explained that men need their egos to be a decent size so that they can be protective as is expected of them. I think the problem is when it becomes so big because they are compensating for how weak they really feel - the balance of the scales are then tipped.

[@cloud-seven]

What a waste of 18 minutes

[@sharonberry410]

I feel concerned for you.

[@brucewightman5168]

lol your all nuts watching this . thats all folks bye

[@lamrof]

Another typical western view of Masculinity. A pile of BS so boring I kept yawning. So I wrote this and left.

[@sharonberry410]

Sad.

[@Ethan-vy4ke]

Confusion, depression sounds like he has oestrogen dominance in his hormone balance.

[@brontesjad1608]

Guys, I think we should give this vid more dislikes....

[@sharonberry410]

Screams insecure male.