Fetal alcohol spectrum disorder impacts you, but you don’t know it | Nora Boesem | TEDxRapidCity

[@Technicolor-mother]

I have FAS. My mother was so drunk that she passed out and I had to be delivered by emergency c-section. It caused extreme learning issues and emotional problems. The doctors said it was useless- I was hopeless, I would never amount to anything useful or "normal." I WAS adopted even with FAS and with loving parents that taught me to recognize my issues (I disagree with the speaker on this point - functional FAS people do know right and wrong and can make choices and can recognize risky behaviors, we just have to work harder at learning how to do it.) the human spirit prevailed and I have graduated from college with a Bachelors of Science. My mother's mistakes did not determine my long term happiness or my ability to succeed in my own ways. I am not angry with my mother- this is why: I have learned about addiction and I understand that she didn't drink because she was a soulless b*tch or a horrible weak person that was secretly excited about hurting me, she wasn't even selfish- she was buried under so much addiction and mental illness and hopelessness that she didn't realise what she could actually do to another human being. It was not even a reality to her because she was so damaged. I am lucky I did not get the full run of issues and complications that the speaker's child did. There IS hope for kids who are born with FAS, middle - higher functioning kids can succeed at life- it takes love, counseling, patience and reality that we grow and mature and see the world differently.

[@queenvicak]

Shannon, thank you for your post. I have two daughters with FASD. They both struggle with learning and behavioral issues, but I have high hopes for them. They have overcome so much and continue to learn and grow. Your story gives me even more hope. Thank you!

[@RedNativeRose]

Shannon Staudt ty so much for that...I myself have FAS and everything you described also mirrored bits of my past. too....

[@gardenjoy5223]

Shannon, Great that you are doing so well. Obviously you weren't half as damaged as some children with FASD are. For those have an IQ that is damaged way too much to ever get a Bachelors of Science degree. You state that you disagree with the speaker on the point of having trouble knowing right from wrong and recognizing risky behaviors. But didn't the speaker say so in the context of those children 'left to the system' and then not learning to become functional and as such make a 'mistake' to get them behind bars? I'm glad you've got to understand the awful situation that got hold of your birth mother. Had she known and understood, you might never have gotten FASD. So we keep continuing getting the word out: do not drink (or do drugs) while pregnant, or while having the chance of becoming pregnant without you knowing at first.

[@noraboesem7651]

I LOVE YOUR REPLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You bring a great voice to this...I was so nervous when I spoke I know I got some things kind of blurry. Like not everyone with FASD struggles with right and wrong. My kiddos are all amazing and well I agree anyone with FASD can really do anything (sometimes some extra supports are needed but they can still succeed.) Love your input.

[@mickymouse2445]

Congratulations to your succses! I wish you all the best! More success an happines to you!

[@dolly8580]

I was born with FAS in 1964. My mother died when I was almost three. I was diagnosed at age 13 at Stanford University. I've been married 35 yrs and have 5 kids & 8 grand babies now. Thank you for standing up for these sweet babies! It means so much to me.

[@4513-m8n]

Eskimo Pie God bless you.

[@noraboesem7651]

Thank you for your post! God bless!!!

[@jasminebilodeau9431]

thank you for your commit u gave me hope for my future

[@sandrajerome1604]

Thank you for sharing because we trying to adopt a child with FSA.

[@lesleecarles339]

Good to see I wasn't the only one born in the 60's and have this! At least you got a diagnosis at a fairly young age. I have never been diagnosed with it.

[@light6230]

Having worked in schools with children with Fasd I can tell you this woman is the closest thing we have to an angel on this Earth.

[@Agender_Potato]

She truly is. My second mom too, i love her

[@kerriehume-anthony8159]

I’ve refuse to serve pregnant woman when I worked in nightclubs. It’s caused a lot of hassle but in the uk we reserve the right to refused anyone without giving a reason. They usually give the reply “ my doctor says I can have a Guinness/ red wine /insert drink here” . And I always replied we’ll do it at home, I’m not having that on my conscience.

[@charlottehanna3860]

I remember my mother coming home in angry fit stating, (at nine month's pregnancy), he, a Bar Tender, refused to serve her an alcoholic drink. I told my mother that I would have done the same thing, ( at eleven years old). I guess I lucked out.

[@buffaloben15golf88]

That shows that you care about where you work and what people you encounter at work. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with what you did. 👍

[@alicekranyk4173]

You did the right thing. Thank you.

[@arabafenice5129]

i respect you so much for this

[@vinaymulukutla358]

It's the same with drunk driving, they always say they that they can have half a pint, a glass of wine etc. It is so easy to drink over the legal limit, the best thing to do is not consume a drop of booze when you're driving, let alone carrying. As for FAS, there is no safe amount of alcohol one can drink when they're expectant.

[@getmotivated1707]

One in twenty? Jesus, alcohol is poison man. People like this woman deserve so much recognition for what they do.

[@marshaboody9069]

I wish everyone would learn that in school.She is a very good speaker.😃

[@ilsehartmann1778]

get motivated - It truly is poison.

[@arttez8068]

Its much more than that.

[@magnolia8626]

Honestly, I think it's more than 1 in 20.

[@RedneckRealist]

This is the one of the reasons I don’t drink a whole lot anymore. The effects it has on the person, children and family. Truly it’s not worth it.

[@seiiiiiirrrrrrr]

I wish instead of abstinence education the schools would provide education to adolescents about this type of content. That's when these decisions truly begin. Birth control, safe drinking practices, and education are the cure for this type of problem.

[@ElaineArcana]

Toilet paper and soap are freely available in every bathroom for obvious reasons. The same logic should apply to birth control.

[@amie6165]

I was lucky in that my state had all of those topics covered in health class. Makes me wonder what they talk about in schools that don't have these topics covered. I do agree all schools religious or not has the education. I think this information should be a human right.

[@kathrin6078]

A school friend had FAS and looking back, my teachers knew but didn't see it as something she couldn't change 100% and treated her really badly. She would have just needed the right support in school. Thankfully she now happily works with animals, because animals always treat her well, she says.

[@artbarrett469]

I failed 7th grade because of it and grew this horrible distaste and hate for teachers who blindly collected a paycheck and had 0 empathy love or compassion for little children with stunted growth and birth defects from it all. I truly believe utube and private teachers will put teachers all over the planet out of a job. Thank god for that.

[@stellasole3720]

6:20 that was my mother, "its my body", " We/our mothers ate & drank whatever we wanted for generations & there was nothing wrong with our kids" - denial is a real thing

[@shreyachaudhary1604]

Lol

[@heidiquayle5054]

What alot of people don't realize is that FASD can be an invisible disability and kids can have average intellect with healthy bodies. They aren't in hospitals aside from those first few months, perhaps, or even less... and you would never know to look at them that they have any type of disability at all. The damage isn't always health or IQ, Its executive function - managing conflict and relationships, time management, understanding cause/effect, memory retrieval, learning from mistakes, managing money, knowing who to trust and how to prioritize.... really, the ability to live a full and happy life - with an education, good friends, a job; these are the areas of deficit and make them very vulnerable in society. An alcoholic drug addicted mother can pass this on but so can a college age girl who likes to binge drink on the weekends, or someone who drinks moderately (not to excess) and does not yet realize she is pregnant. That's why the O 4 9 movement is out there - zero alcohol for nine months - and I encourage any woman of childbearing years who is not using birth control to not even tempt fate.

[@bookmouse770]

my husband has fasd and he can see hardly with one eye...born in 1953 he was lucky he wasn't a total. He has problems with managing time, seeing, hearing, his temper, his thinking logically about his enemies...managing money. He's alright ...tries hard and he is a good father.

[@kated5499]

Amen. I was the college age girl and my oldest daughter has ARND (mild but causes lots of interpersonal conflicts and learning disorder). Don’t drink and if you did, look into the signs and symptoms of ARND/FASD and it will save you a lot of trouble.

[@okaminess]

Totally. FASD can also look like DSM disorders but no diagnosis seems to “fit.” I have a friend who acts bipolar or ADHD, but it turns out she has FASD. She drives and can work retail. The doctor had actually told her mother it was okay to drink during pregnancy.

[@cla4631]

I am in my 40's Last month I learned about my own FASD by myself after taking a cognitive test in college. I initiated the test because I was having a very difficult time learning math and keeping up. When the test came back, It showed I had slow processing issues. A simple google search and a talk with my mother who drank while carrying me in her womb was devastating to learn. Her admission is helping me link why I have difficulty keeping close friends- why I have trimmers- why I have always felt differently then others and treated differently then others- Anxiety I get- Why I am hyper sensitive. I don't know all until I get diagnosed with FASD. I WOULD GLADLY TAKE THE DRINK OUT OF SOMEONE I KNEW WAS PREGNANT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! Don't drink while pregnant. Life is no fun to live and is very difficult for me. I can not tell you how many times I have thought of suicide since I was a teenager. I never understood my depression. Now I do. I am loved but depression comes easily. There is little I will be able to fix if anything. It is only about adapting to the best of my ability. I hope this message supports the video and helps you who does not understand and is still drinking with your " wee one" within you. Put down the drink and stop the blows to your baby's brain. Thanks for reading

[@continentalyo3042]

ty

[@missmanasamaenjoyer]

my mom drank too in pregnancy and i can relate to what you wrote but not that much. I was born 2 weeks early and I was sick at first and when i was in the womb the doctors said there was a 50 percent change that i will be disabled. But I came out nearly normal. I just need really long to think and I am high sensitive too and have a Math problem. I was really depressed a few years ago. But many people say to me that im really smart but I dont really think so. How can i tell if i have FASD? (sorry if my english is not perfect im from germany)

[@missmanasamaenjoyer]

And i am really small (only 152 cm / 4`11)

[@charlottehanna3860]

Oh no. Help me.

[@sandrajerome1604]

Thank you for sharing. WE are trying to adopt a child with FASD. I wanted to know if she will ever be independent.

[@hthumbs4072]

I just can't get behind a pregnant mother saying my body my choice to drinking. It's not your body your affecting so no it's not your choice here.

[@fayettevillain1171]

The acceptable amount for a pregnant woman to drink is 1-2 drinks a week. I think that many women with a drinking problem severe enough to cause FASD are alcoholics and should get help with the disease and prevent pregnancy or get an abortion. Alcoholics shouldn't procreate. It's important that women who are unfit for procreation have access to contraceptives and abortion, prevent suffering at all costs.

[@christinehuff1036]

+Chichi Chichi Oppai There is no acceptable amount of alcohol during pregnancy. I am taking care of my granddaughter who is 12 years old, her mother is a alcoholic, it breaks my heart to know this was preventable.

[@jodieescobedo2371]

Chichi Chichi Oppai, you are 100% misinformed. No amount of alcohol is safe in pregnancy. FAS is Not diagnosable in most cases before even toddlerhood so a pregnancy termination is not a reasonable strategy to recover after an unplanned exposure of a fetus to alcohol.

[@ferrarafam]

Heather Thomas what if the mother had NO idea she was pregnant until 10 months pregnant? What if?!!!

[@andromeda4688]

Nicholas Ferrara Number One: Pregnancy Lasts 9 Months Number Two: How Do You Not Notice A Giant Belly And Feet Kicking Because That's What Happens During A Late Pregnancy

[@emeliesolli5773]

So remember when I was pregnant and me and husband where invited to a dinner. All though the hosts knew I was pregnant they still assume I was going to drick several glasses of wine and tried to convince me to do it. I found it rather chocking that some people are so oblivious to risk of drinking while pregnant so this tedtalk is clearly needed. And no I didn't drink alcohol even when they pestered me that it was okay. I let them think I wasn't a fun guest or what ever of they do wanted.

[@ITI-xi5zx]

what horrible hosts! I'm so sorry that happened to you!

[@joooolya]

All rehab facility and treatment costs should be free for pregnant women.. For people with addiction issues, it's not as simple as 'just abstaining'

[@callies8907]

Yes! Most of these mothers are dealing with addiction and poverty, and don't have access to affordable healthcare and treatment. They need to be treated as people, not heinous monsters.

[@goodwolf866]

Imagining United States with universal healthcare…

[@charlottehanna3860]

No.

[@nicolina1026]

@@charlottehanna3860 Yes

[@gudson98]

Free for everyone in the UK 🇬🇧

[@sophiayang9641]

Im crying watching this. God bless her and anyone like her.

[@henrysingleton5654]

This is a great video, but I wish that she also talked about people affected by FASD who weren't diagnosed as a child, who go through life with unseen damages, living with expectations that are hard to live up to. I realize that she is talking about her experiences and what she knows, but I think it would also have been helpful for people watching to know about this as well.

[@Choppytehbear1337]

Henry Singleton I wasn't diagnosed until I was 17. I'm 21 now. Let me say that school was rough.

[@noraboesem7651]

AGREED! Hope we can get a TED talk done by some of the amazing adults I know who had to go through life for a long time without knowing and hear from them what it meant when they did. GOOD POINT!

[@magnolia8626]

True. I wish it was someone with actual FAS who gave this speech.

[@elvenbae]

I Agree, I only found out last year and now I'm 25 and can't hold a job and have severe mental health issues and slow at processing speech. I'm still not 💯 sure just how much help I need but I need more help :/

[@queenofscorpios8518]

I was born with FASD in 1999, my birth mother was a drug addict and alcoholic and did prostitution. I was adopted by my foster parents at 10 months which I’m grateful. Growing up I was a very happy girl, until I reached middle school I had anger and depression. I still have learning problems, and I can’t pronounce most words properly without a struggle. I still get really bad tempers, but I think to myself that I am very lucky to have such great parents. That were always there for me since I was born, and know that I’m just like everyone else.

[@heppeledwardc2540]

Me like exactly me

[@sandrajerome1604]

Thank you for sharing. We are trying to adopt a child with FASD.

[@thunderlol4]

Have u ever tried drinking?:and if so were you able to stop without blacking out? I'm wondering if it can affect that,

[@thunderlol4]

Did u get meds by any chance to help with moods

[@Orchid.in.toyland]

We need to start changing our culture around alcohol. FAS will happen frequently as long as it's normal to get falling over drunk every week. Binge drinking in early pregnancy, when most of the women don't even know they are pregnant causes FAS. When we make alcohol an integral part of "having fun" more and more people will get addicted. Every time we "aw common" a person who doesn't drink by choice we support the idea that getting regularly intoxicated is the norm. When we see a woman with a bump and a drink, the damage has probably already been done. We need access to long term, effective birth control methods and abortion. It should be seen as a rule that if you are not trying for a baby and you might decide to have sex in the nearest future, then you get birt control. And not just any birth control, but one that will not be hindered by your lifestyle. If you drink a lot then methods that can be affected by puking or forgetting things are not for you. It's so much cheaper to give out IUDs to anyone who can't afford them then to pay for the costs - the abandoned babies with FAS, complicated births, financial aid... We need to accept that we can't stop people from having sex but we can minimize the damage.

[@hot00790]

I have fasd and adhd . it’s impacted my in more ways than one. From my relationships with my family to my husband and others around me. I wished people would feel just a fraction of what I’ve felt. How many times I cried because I’ve struggled and only in the last 5 years have learned to treat my disorders like frenemies. I want more people to understand that prevention isn’t good enough and people need to realize that high functioning people like myself should be shown more acceptance.

[@thunderlol4]

Did you ever drink and have the inability to stop due to your diagnosis? I'm strictly curious if it affects the way one can drink?

[@shreyachaudhary1604]

Yes !!!

[@tinaferr]

i love that! treat your disorders like frenemies. hope you're doing well. I have ADHD too and i love your comment...gonna try to treat my disorder like a frenemy

[@lizziewilliams-dr5gl]

As someone who has FASD, I feel very thankful for these people who learn and help people with this disorder. My mother didn’t know she was pregnant for at least 6 months and she drank and took drugs for that time. She was an addict who started since she was 14 and she was mentally unstable. I was a premature baby addicted to alcohol and I was in hospital for 4 and a half months. I was given 4 years to live, but here I am at 32 with two beautiful children thanks to the help of doctors and other people. My mother died 2 weeks after my third birthday to multiple organ failure ( after giving birth to my younger brother who sadly passed in 2009. I love you Johnny.) I Don’t remember my mom that much, but I guess I forgive her. As someone who has an addiction, I’m sure it must be extremely difficult to stop. I still love her. Lol, I didn’t mean to write a whole paragraph on my life, but I hope I can somehow show people that there still is hope.

[@beetlejamie8065]

Thank you so much for sharing Lizzie. I'm so glad you have a beautiful family now, you deserve all the blessings life has to offer. ❤

[@rebeccabradshaw8911]

Loved her. She's good and even though it's a sad subject, she made it interesting. I know very little about FAS until now. It needs to be taught in high schools, Churchs , ads.....

[@numbzinger350]

Nora Boesem, can you go almost 61 years back in time and present this to my soon-to-be mother? I would appreciate it very much. Thank you.

[@carolinemarie4654]

FASD is a horrible byproduct of the addiction epidemic in America. I really appreciate the compassion this speaker has for addicts/alcoholics because thats the way to get through to people so they can be helped. I 100% agree that as a society we need to put more support systems in place for these mothers to get help. Access to medical treatment & rehabilitation for pregnant women could prevent a lot of FASD cases. Its so sad and so preventable.

[@davidlayzelle2928]

I look after my FASD daughter full time, and every day I curse my ex-wife and her selfish decision to put her drinking before our daughters welfare!

[@ferrarafam]

David Layzelle tell me how much she drank?

[@tiffanycoursol9368]

Who cares? One drink is all it takes.

[@diannajordison9179]

David Layzelle your daughter isnt FASD.... she HAS FASD....... people first language is important. a person with down syndrome, isnt the disorder... they HAVE the disorder

[@diannajordison9179]

cutie pie.....it's the mother that drinks not the father.... as the baby is in the womb....

[@diannajordison9179]

cutie pie.... plus.... what's the use in shaming anyone? there's not point in that... there's many reason why women drink.... they might know they are pregnant, they may have a very serious substance abuse issue, they may struggle with a lot of exterior difficulties, they may be pressured to continue to drink, they may not know the affects of drinking while pregnant... the list goes on.... do not shame anyone, there's not point.

[@transformingwithtracie9738]

My son was diagnosed with FASD when he was about 6 years old. He came to us through foster care at 7 months old. Thank you for this video. We need to raise awareness. There is so little help available to us from professionals who know anything about FAS & FASD. It’s so stigmatized and kids like my son just don’t get the right help.

[@jesswakka6686]

This speech brought tears to my eyes. I remember learning about FASD for the first time in my high school class a few years ago, but this vid gave me a whole new perspective on it. Bless this woman’s soul. This definitely inspires me to do whatever I can for people with FASD and to help bring awareness.

[@AndreaMedina01]

I'm in tears right now. I have an adoptive brother from the foster care system with a biological mom who suffers from addiction even while pregnant. This hits close to home.

[@ghostcat2467]

What an incredible and strong person.

[@melissa-bethmcginnity3503]

My husband and I are foster parents to a baby who most likely has FASD. There are obvious physical, behavioral and developmental signs and my suspicions are backed up by her PT, OT and speech therapists. She is 20 months old and will not be eligible for diagnoses until she is 4. I believe if she and others with FASD could be diagnosed earlier, there could be better outcomes for their futures. But we will have to wait because that’s how the laws are written. So while we wait, while our baby waits, I do things like watch these videos, read PDFs, buy toys at her mental age level and teach her sign language. I’m not trained to teach a special needs child, but I am willing to learn along side her. This speaker is right. Our foster baby’s biological mother doesn’t understand that her actions caused these struggles.

[@kelliemcginnis3818]

Oh my God that made me cry so hard. Thank you for educating us on how serious this is.

[@mollyb3549]

What a powerful message delivered with such heartfelt sincerity and factual knowledge. Great speech about a hugely important problem. I will never forget this.

[@superawesomechannel9371]

yes, correct .

[@shonajohnstone2368]

The training I received on FASD stated that this occurs in the first 2 weeks of pregnancy, after which the damage is done. There are many people that go out and drink without realising they are pregnant and this can happen. It is good to see this being shown and to get people to realise the impact of alcoholism and babies/kids/adults however the message needs to be changed. Bring awareness to this disorder but our society needs to address alcoholism. Adults with learning difficulties, because of FASD, also need support to make sure they are making the right decisions. There needs to be more support for women with drugs and alcohol issues.

[@KelleyBroussardMackaig]

I agree in that there needs to be more support for pregnant women with drug / alcohol issues. However, it's always been my understanding that a fetus can not be effected by alcohol UNTIL the embryo has been implanted and shares nutrients with the mother, which usually happens around 10 weeks gestation.

[@AuntyPinny]

What does alcohol contribute to society that is positive? Accountability rests with the alcohol industry that sells this poison in the same way as the tobacco industry is accountable for its product. Alcohol is not a product that we need and we need to introduce measures to severely restrict it and to challenge cultural acceptability and attractiveness.

[@romanengelbrecht6717]

What an inspirational young lady, truly a role model, now this is what you call an influencer

[@AndreaHernandez-lw5ov]

This video was so informative. I think it’s something that should definitely be talked about way more to spread awareness on how alcohol can really affect someone’s whole life

[@bingswigcrosby9319]

This woman is incredible

[@kalisederoche]

there was a mother in my community who was a notorious alcoholic and she had a few kids with lots of problems. the one in my grade was bullied constantly (even by teachers) and tried to take his life a couple times. i believe hes doing better now, but that is no childhood you would want for your kids. thanks for speaking on this!

[@katherinewilliams-chung9534]

Thank you so much for highlighting this problem. Hats off to you and all that you are doing and all the lives that you have affected in a positive way.

[@okaminess]

I had a friend with FAS. It was an experience. He had the worst judgment and maturity level of all time, but he had a great sense of humor and told great stories. He could only deal with menial retail jobs. He had a hard time learning and had no plans for higher education.

[@unknownninja1]

This sounds just like me 😭.

[@okaminess]

⁠@@unknownninja1I have an update: my friend is FAS is now facing life in prison for a crime he committed. His FASD may have been a factor because of his impaired judgment. He still has an incredible wit and humor, but now he’s on house arrest awaiting the sentencing.

[@amyrients]

Everyone deserves a chance to live, however QUALITY OF LIFE is also important.

[@F1SHB1TCH]

I have FAS and not everybody gets big issuies with it after , my mother got sober when I was born and didnt drink a drop of alcohol for 13 years ( after 13 years she passed away from cancer) but I never blamed her because I dont remember ever having a bad moment with her, not every mom who drinks during pregnancy is a devil , I am just fine today , 17 years later, got some trouble concentrating and with my memory but I have learned to make it work , I am nowhere near hyper and all that other stuff. So dont put everyone under the same roof because everyone is different and every experience is different. Also taking a first drink for the first time might be a choice but once you get addicted its very hard to stop , so why dont we stop bashing mothers who are suffering from alcholism and start helping them so that they can get sober!

[@shawnafsworld7431]

What do you mean by "big Issue's " ? I was born weighing only 1 Pound and 3 Ounce's and I was born 6 Month's Early In Oct 1991. I was born with both a Hole in my Left Ventricular Artrty of my Heart, and an aneurysm also in my Heart. I was 16 inches Long at birth. I had Difficulty Breathing on my own I spent my first year of life in the Rapid city, South Dakota Hospital. When I was 3 month's old I was taken away from my natural mom Due to ( Severe Neglect ) and I was placed into South Dakota Foster care system My Muscle's and Joint's were Limp I was also born with "Hypotonia" I couldn't Feed like a Normal Baby by a Bottle. I was Feed by a G-Tube in my Stomach. Just after my First Birthday with an aneurysm and Hole still inside of my Heart. I was Flown from South Dakota all the way to Denver, Colorado and I had my Operation of Open Heart surgery Once when I had Trouble Breathing My 2 older sister's ages 2 and 3 year's old at the time. Saw i was Struggling to breathe they Carried me to our Grandma who was watching the 3 of us. My 2 Sister's They Held me Up in front of our Grandma and Said : "Grandma Baby Very Sick" our Grandma Saw I was Struggling to breath She Rushed me to the hospital. while Our mom went out Drinking. Almost Nightly, By the time we pulled into the Rapid city South Dakota Hospital Parking lot , I Died just before Getting through the First Door's of the Hospital E.R. the Dr's were able to Bring me back and I was flown to Denver , Coloado for My Open heart Surgery. Just after I turned 2 years old I was finally adopted. I went through So much during the first 2 years of my life.. My little old Foster Mom dorthy Bless her heart She Was trying to Keep me Alive she Force fed Me "Cream of Wheat" which i didn't Like the Taste and Texture of it in my mouth. And I still don't even now at 26 year's old Lol. XD. After I was adopted I told my adopted mom one night as she was Tucking me in to Bed, Where were You ? ( Meaning my Natural mom ) and WHY didn't you stop those Bad people from Cutting me Open ? It hurt Me very Badly , I got her and my natural mom Mixed up. I've grown up Knowing that I was adopted ( Which isnt a Bad thing ) i was the 7th Child born 6 of us Made it. And at least I do know the Honest Truth about My early Years. A few years ago back in Dec of ( 2012 ) I Found my Natural mom and My Natural siblings and Family on Facebook. My adopted mom was Fine with it. She wasn't Upset, Mad about it or anything. It was Cool Both my Mom's Adopted Mom and Natural Mom have talked with each other. Im still getting to know my Natural Family.

[@reuscmar]

First of all, no one said that all FASD cases are the same. And no one said that women who drink during pregnancy are devils. If you don't have that many health issues, that's fortunate and bless you for that! Great that you can make the best of it. But the fact is that there are far more children who have serious life threatening conditions due to FASD and it could be avoided if women would not consume alcohol (or other substances for that matter) during pregnancy. Wether you like it or not, it is a problem and it has to be adressed. Especially for those who, unlike yourself, cannot speak for themselves. So, before you lash out, listen again to what this lady is really saying and think a few seconds before you make a comment. And again, I'm really, really glad for you that things turned out good. I wish you all the happiness you deserve.

[@salx8631]

Do you know how much your mum drank per day or week or whatever her case was x

[@wolfzmusic9706]

@@reuscmar Some people in the comment section are making it seem like if you drink during pregnancy, you are absolutely terrible.

[@thunderlol4]

@@shawnafsworld7431 what an incredible story just brought me to tears

[@nadiamccall4311]

i wish alcohol would vanish

[@mommalion7028]

My mom surprised me by telling me she drank a lot while she was pregnant with me last year while I was filling out a questionnaire for a therapist. I was shocked. My mom had always maintained that she went sober over night when she found out she was pregnant (even though she’s been a functional binge drinker my entire life) , but came clean when she found out I was paying a doctor to finally figure out why I can’t do the stuff normal people can do. It’s invisible for me, you wouldn’t know if you met me at a restaurant or on the bus, I’d just be a bit ‘off.’ But if you knew my whole story you’d know something was wrong because I can’t hold down a job and it takes me twenty times as long to learn something than other people. I also have seizures when triggered by heat or stress. I love my mom but sometimes when I see other adults master things that are an absolute struggle for me, I get really mad at her.

[@beetlejamie8065]

I'm so sorry this is your experience. Thank you for sharing .

[@alexina25]

Thank you Nora Boesem. Respect! Love the work you do.

[@rugby1sgd]

Awesome video, it made me cry can relate 100% to this. I have adopted children with FASD.

[@irrsinnslicht1]

I found out I was pregnant when I was already at 14 weeks (because its normal for me to have unregular periods I didnt find out sooner).. I usually don`t drink but about 2 weeks before I found out I had 1 glass of wine with friends, I even felt a little tipsy because I usually don`t drink.. I still feel so guilty about that one drink and I was really worried all my pregnancy! Luckly my daughter was born perfectly fine, a healthy normal baby, she is now 1 year old, hitting all her milestones. Since then I refuse to drink AT ALL because I don`t want this scare to happen again in case I get pregnant a second time, hopefully.

[@fishofgold6553]

That's great to read! Have you had your daughter actually tested for FASD, though? I'm wondering if she has it, but subtly. It isn't always visually identifiable. If she goes on to have learning or behavioral difficulties, that might be a sign of FASD. You can read comments on FASD videos from people who describe how much they suffered due to FASD that went undiagnosed for decades.

[@barbyzupancic]

Omg. U were stressing over one glass of wine?! 🙄 We are talking about alcoholic mothers during their pregnancies... They were drinking heavily on a daily bases.

[@PrincessKurae]

@@barbyzupancic There is no safe amount of alcohol. Even one glass can possible damage, that's why pregnant women should not drink at all.

[@Agender_Potato]

Nora is an amazing woman, i love her so much, she's gone through so much in her life, yet she stays strong and loves everyone. This is my second mom and she inspired me to follow in her steps when I'm older ❤️

[@beetlejamie8065]

Thank you for sharing, I'm so glad you have an awesome role model in your life ❤

[@Hevbo]

Once you become pregnant, it is not just your body. You are sharing it with a being that is undergoing a journey towards birth and becoming a whole human being if left to nature. I do not want to get into an arguement or discussion about abortion, but it is absolutely wrong to drink, take certain drugs and eat certain high risk foods dependent on your earth geography. To ignore to choose the damage any of these things cause to your unborn child is basically CHILD ABUSE. It is illegal in the UK to smoke in a vehicle with children in it. I was born with mild FAS. There is no excuse for not knowing about it. We live in an age that has access to all the information we could ever really want. FAS should not be happening.

[@annaxaguilar49]

Youre right but addiction can be anywhere from mild to severe. A person with severe addiction just can not stop like you would think. I bet you that 90% of those women does not want to hurt their child but first of all their addiction is often so bad that quitting would only work if they were forced to stay at rehab or had someone watching around the clock and second many countries are not educated they dont know about this. Its not that alcoholics just dont care, I mean they will literally drink until they die themselves... its more severe than we could ever imagine. It develops into a horrible disease. I have seen it with my own eyes. Blaming them isnt going to help anyone, Its horrible yes but the mother needs just as much help as that child. What needs to happen is we need to stop normalizing alcohol, get alcoholics REAL help even lock them up if we need to for them to live healthy because they cannot do it on their own and people need to get educated.

[@louisacapell]

@@annaxaguilar49 nah, I worked with a homeless population. Lots of them don't care. Lots of them plan to give the baby away or don't make any plans or even think about it. They just want drugs and joke about the baby partying too. One woman told me she would quit smoking dope at 7 months because that's when the lungs develop...... ???? Yeah.... Ok

[@nicolina1026]

@@louisacapell Yeah but the point remains that alcohol withdrawal can be fatal for alcoholics, once physically addicted they cant "just stop"

[@louisacapell]

@@nicolina1026 they can be detoxed in a hospital setting if it's a very serious case

[@layalyhamayel1662]

You are amazing for all the work you are doing and being a mom

[@steampoweredpixel]

My fiance has FASD. He was born in Romania; a Romanian adoptee from a Romanian orphanage. His birth mother continuously had plum brandy that she made herself in her bathtub (large quantities) His adopted mother had to buy his birth mother a pair of shoes to go to court with in order to finalise the adoption process. He was two years old when he was adopted and brought back to the UK. Him and his adopted mother was also in the headlines and the press all over the country because he was the first ever foreign child to be adopted by a single parent. 💖

[@rafika515]

Just found out about this thing on my boyfriend. I have mixed feelings about it. Relationships have always been so hard for us. Like we always have that day when things just flip and chaotic between us. I realize how much I love him so I want to keep trying even tho I dunno how to start...

[@profenglisheu]

What a wonderful person! We need more people like you, Nora!

[@lianecornils905]

They know how to diagnose it. Don't ever kid yourself. They do t want to put themselves at risk, for admitting to poor or missed good prenatal care, which led to a premature or deformed or deaf, child. It's not hard to diagnose, and it's always in a good history. Come on people.

[@leon10tjeLH]

somebody give this woman a medal

[@elizabetharanda8030]

I have FAS. I was diagnosed at birth. My birth mother abandoned me in a bush at birth, I was alone, in the sun for 6 hours.. today, I am 32, I have 6 kids, and I am a stay at home mom.

[@kathymcgirt8944]

Thanks so much for speaking. All of us in the diverse world of Child Welfare need to speak up about issues like this.

[@dangfd551]

I can only imagine how many undiagnosed conditions and affects there are that can be attributed to other substances, medications, or pharmaceuticals… A baby isn’t affected by just alcohol, they are affected by anything consumed or ingested by the mother

[@lillyhammer3342]

This woman is a hero

[@georgemcfly6523]

Apparently there's this big thing going around of suicide rate with the mothers of children that have fetal alcohol syndrome I have a case of fetal alcohol syndrome and what I say to that who cares about the mothers what about me and the problems I have

[@gardenjoy5223]

George McFly? As in the one from the eighties hit series 'Back to the Future'? That's a nice reminder. But George, do you realize how off your comment is? No, probably. For it is one symptom of FAS to not be able to function well socially. It is another symptom that some get very self-centered. Many mothers of children with FAS have it themselves! Who cares about them and the problems they have? If there is one thing many people with FAS should learn, it is to give a sh*t about someone else besides themselves. Focus on that for the next year or so and you will find that some of your own problems somehow diminish. It's excellent therapy.

[@--_--ph8rf]

Garden Joy No, he’s allowed to feel frustrated about his mothers complete lack of awareness. He has to live with her bad decisions.

[@shawnafsworld7431]

Wow I was born in Rapid city, South Dakota in the fall of 1991. I was born with Fetal Alcohol syndrome. I try to help educate people about this. It's frustrating that the people I've talked to don't know what ( Fetal alcohol syndrome ) is. It's life long Brain damage that Can't be undone. And the people who should know about it sadly Don't. like Teachers, Doctors , psychologists. I Was actually a Part of the Early F.A.S. study back in San Diego, CA in the late ( 1990's ) by Dr Kenneth Lyons Jones 1 of 2 Men. Who Had first discovered F.A.S. Over 40 Year's ago. In fact Dr. Kenneth Jones Coined the term ( Fetal Alcohol Syndrome ) Jones's Colleges Didn't believe him and in fact made fun of him. which was Sad but I CAN SAY They NOW know more about F.A.S. Because I was one of many people affected by it. Yes I helped in that early study Given the fact I Was around 3 or 4 years old at the time. I'm glad to have been apart of that Study. :)

[@paulo25740]

Shawna Fletcher Lets hope you helping with this study helped to raise awereness on this issue or has even saved lives.

[@neokara123]

I am actually an education major in my junior year. I just finished up my senior research paper over FASD in the classroom. I have hopes that if I can get it published, then maybe some of my fellow educators will learn a bit more. Maybe they will be able to provide the help a student with FASD may need in their classroom.

[@shawnafsworld7431]

+Paulo Pinto Thank you Paulo I have moments where I have Pain all over my body and it hurts me , both Physically and emotionally it feels like my whole body is having a Huge "Charlie horse" I have a hard time trusting, understanding, and socially interacting with those around me. I can't even understand and tell when a guy is Flurting with Me. ( I see it as just a Normal Conversation and )

[@adriannefluet2896]

I was born without knowing my real mom they took me away from her I lived without knowing her or my family I have fetal alcohol effects it has made my life choices very difficult and my children have suffered from my condition but what I want ppl to know and learn is that it is very important for ppl to learn how it effects the ones that have it . Just because some of us look like we can learn something or remember something like most doesn't mean we do math directions memory for some of us is different from others . So when someone says why are you not setting a job t doesn't mean we don't want to it just means we have a harder time getting to it learn about this understanding this is very important thank you.

[@naturewoman1274]

I come from a mother who drank throughout her pregnancy I was two weeks over due severe yellow jaundice full blood transfusion now i am 47 4ft 10 all my hormones are stuffed and i have multiple illnesses those who drink through out there pregnancy need help in the first trimester

[@missmanasamaenjoyer]

i had yellow jaundice and was born too weeks early. im only 4´11 and my mother drank in pregnancy but i dont know if i have FASD because people are telling me smart and im very good at school besides math. (sorry if my english is not perfect im from germany)

[@elvenbae]

I'm 4'8" with hormonal issues aswell... I didn't realise that was a part of it.

[@carrie5599]

❤️❤️❤️❤️You are a very strong mother ♥️♥️♥️♥️God bless you♥️♥️♥️♥️ you are an angel to your babies❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@breeclark7636]

you are a strong woman to over come and understand the mother that made these choices i dont know if i ever could see it that way but i do hear what you are saying

[@wallashakalla]

I have a customer at the bar I work at that was an Alcohol Syndrome Baby. He’s definitely on the spectrum. People have tried to help him, but he won’t accept it. He needs to go to rehab and get counseling, but how do I suggest something like that to someone who doesn’t want help? He knows I won’t serve him alcohol, not because he has epilepsy and won’t take his medication if he plans on drinking… which is everyday. He’s had seizures at the bar, gone to the hospital, and come back to the bar like nothing happened. It’s like he doesn’t care about himself

[@carriebizz]

Wow you are such a wonderful mother. God bless you and your family. I can't understand how pregnant mums can drink or drug its disgustingly criminal.

[@Poniella81]

Amazing talk. Brilliant. I learned a lot. 🙏🏼❤️

[@catherinecleveland5272]

This is so good. Thank you, Nora

[@adamzaidi1748]

How and why are there dislikes?..Must be all the alcoholics

[@stacyeandrew2]

They are probably disliking the topic. Probably older people who don’t know what it means

[@wildmist93]

One of my best friends has FASD, but her mother didn’t even know she was pregnant until just before going into labour. Sometimes FASD is unintentional too 😢

[@beetlejamie8065]

Absolutely

[@harrisshob5819]

good reason why drinking regularly … is never a good idea

[@disneyprincessintraining2725]

Is there any way to give money to this family, I would love to donate to this family! Medical treatment costs so much!

[@KelleyBroussardMackaig]

Wow, your comment sincerely made my day. This world is a better place because of people like you!!!

[@Mimiki203]

Even of you think or have been told you have had a miscarriage do not drink! I haven't been diagnosed with fas and I don't think I have it but my mom drank while she was pregnant with me because she, from what she told me, thought she had miscarried me. It could have been worse for me.

[@Brendaareliii]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[@chelseataylor5244]

Who on earth would argue that they should have the choice to drink while pregnant?!?!

[@marciagrondahl923]

Great presentation.. I have 2 grands children adopted with FASD...

[@nottelling3414]

Thank for you sharing this story ❤️

[@daynasafranek7807]

It’s just so sad that the biological mothers really didn’t take enough consideration for their children in utero when they chose substances over their kids.

[@catherine_404]

It sounds totally cruel, but if a woman doesn't want her baby enough not to drink alcohol, she may as well abort. Frankly, it's better for those babies never to be born, for the pregnancies just to be terminated early. If it's born, it's born, it will be against our sense of humanity not to take care for these poor children. But don't you agree, this suffering better not happen at all? Drinking mom is a criminal, she's hurting a child before it's even separated from her; if she was mistreating a living child, she'd be punished. And, as other people noted, pregnant drinking is not like abortion because abortion is a late decision not to have a baby, no one is going to suffer, while this situation leads to at least some measure of suffering that is 100% avoidable.

[@SmoshOfy]

CatherineZ I disagree, as someone living with chronic pain who suffers daily. Just because you're suffering, doesn't mean you're not worth fighting for. Consider elderly people and anyone with a chronic illness. Would you pull the plug on them, just because they have a hard life? If not, you can't say you are for equality or even humane treatment. The fetus feels pain much earlier than scientists had first considered, and more and more is being learned each day. It is wrong to punish the baby for the crimes of the mother. It would be better to criminalize selling alcohol to pregnant women, or to form a law that could allow for the commitment of a pregnant women to rehab if she is addicted to alcohol or other drugs, rather than to say that abortion is the answer. We have to educate and penalize instead of making murder an escape from responsibility as a decent human being. You can't just cry "I'm a women, give me what I want and nothing that I don't, or I'll kill anyone that tries to stop me." The answer is simple. If you're active, don't drink alcohol.

[@catherine_404]

SmoshOfy there is nothing to disagree with. I also think that if a baby is born, it should be taken care of to the best extend. Those alcohol-drinking mommies will probably not take the best care, and that's another point for my argument, but that's another matter. And please don't think of people to be so stupid that they will not "consider elderly people". My point is not about living people who have health problems.

[@SmoshOfy]

I don't mean to be rude, but an unborn fetus is a living human.

[@SmoshOfy]

Everyone you know is a clump of cells.

[@SmoshOfy]

I am coming across wrong because it is late. Anyway. Unfortunately people don't always care for elderly or babies. In a functioning, healthy society yes. In a throw away society that sees pain and suffering as something to be gotten rid of at all costs, including just killing, then no, it is not a given, and people choose the cheapest, easiest way out. I wish it wasn't the case, but the fact of the matter is, humans can be monsters.

[@worf4798]

CBD for seizures and pain management! By far the best and safest route

[@superawesomechannel9371]

fantastic lesson mate.

[@SPEECH405]

Can someone please share the link for the non-profit she started? It is called "Roots to Wings" and opened in 2008. I can't seem to find the webpage. Thank you a lot! :)

[@adriennepittman4278]

People and caregivers affected by fasd do not give up or give yourself over to the tyrany of lowered expectations. When I was born my parents were told to not be shocked if their new baby was deaf, blind, and intellectually disabled. Under certain circumstances at least until 1975 expectant mothers in danger of miscarriage were sometimes given alcohol interveiniously to weaken and slow contractions. My mother was put on one of these drips the day I was born and I think one other time. Between medications, placenta previa worsed by removing an IUD, interventions to stop miscarriage multiple times and then having to be born 6wks early because the day of the last alcohol drip it was ascertained that I was getting possibly only 10% of my oxygen and food from a abrupted placenta located on the cervix it was considered a miracle of science that at 38oz I was alive and able to breathe on my own. Am I small-yes. Learning issues, adhd, mental health diagnosies of course, executive function issues definitely, and other issues. Yet I am known for my empathy, intelligence, and not making decisions impulsively. Also did a hitch in the military with honorable discharge as a decorated veteran. Never diagnosed with fasd, but it explains a lot considering my exposure. Agape to all beings everywhere

[@thunderlol4]

Your strength gives me hope

[@weareflashove]

Thank you for this video.

[@klattalexis]

Thank you for sharing!

[@tilamills8989]

I have fasd I did fined it hard at school and I always got bullied and sometimes I get angry at my self as I am unable to do most things but my adopted parents say I have improved so much they would of not thought I could get as far as I have

[@mwa1254]

I remember being at my dads 60th and the 6 month pregnant girlfriend of his partners son was drinking a number of glasses of wine and they said this was the first time she has done so. But a week or so later I was being showed a video of them all at a holiday camp a few weeks before the party and you hear someone shout “where is (insert the pregnant woman’s name) bottle of wine?”. To me even as a recovering alcoholic who knows what dependence is like this is crazy, because she most definitely wasn’t dependent. She was choosing to drink in this case. I’m not trying to shame her, but I just want to highlight that even today, people still do this, even those who aren’t addicts. I’ve heard many women in the rooms of AA who stopped completely when pregnant and proceeded to drink as soon as they could.

[@beetlejamie8065]

Wow, that is surprising. Thanks for sharing.

[@ThisMightBeTheYear]

Any advice on the process of digging up childhood medical records

[@bonniejohnson760]

Alot of these women who drink while pregnant should of never gotten pregnant in the first place. If they choose to drink and drug, they should either abstain, get on birth control and in worst cases, get their tubes tied. These children didn't ask to be born especially with fetal alcohol syndrome. They say; " It's my body, I'll do what I want". That's very selfish because if you're pregnant, it's NOT YOUR BODY AND ITS NOT ABOUT YOU !!!! It's about the child their carrying and you have to excercise good self care while pregnant. That means eating right, drinking plenty of water which also includes do not drink, do not smoke, do not abuse street drugs and prescription drugs and listen to your Doctor. Ladies if you are pregnant, find a Doctor that will say no to drugs, drinking, smoking and other self destructive behaviours. See about getting into rehab as soon as you're pregnant and join 12 step programs, get a sponser, and get therapy because it's all about the child,, it's not about you. The child should come first. Even when you're pregnant. 'Nuff said !!!!

[@eclipsedeucy1144]

Do you know what's sad? The U.S. doesn't even have a lot of systems to help people with these problems. Most are just sliding through the system struggling. More should be done.

[@dianamcfadden817]

hi Nora I just wanted to commend you on your great Tedtalk. You did a great job but I do want to ask you if you still give this talk I am hoping you have changed your phrase that this is a 100% preventable because it actually isnt. You yourself said 50% of pregnancies are unplanned as well there is a length of time before someone knows they are pregnant. please keep up the great work you are doing. The world needs more info on this situation

[@AmieEss]

I have a question in regards to longevity: Is it possible to be diagnosed at birth, go through childhood and 20s being physically healthy and then take a decline? I'm 30 and have recently been experiencing neurological issues and headaches. I literally only learned about our limited lifespans days ago; it never occurred to me until now to look it up.

[@AmieEss]

@@thunderlol4 I was referencing a study that stated people with FAS live to their thirties on average however I think I greatly misunderstood it as it often referred to people who themselves developed alcoholism or mental/behavioural problems (leading to criminality, drug abuse etc) which affected their lifespans.

[@thunderlol4]

@@AmieEss ooooh thx

[@alisonhilll4317]

Sorry but in Europe we have warnings on cigarette packets , so everyone knows from a young age that smoking , drinking and taking drunks harms the baby , but some idiots still do it .

[@snagogo1060]

My sister in law drinks and is 12 weeks pregnant. She justifies it, which is baffling. She looks so horrible with the belly and a drink.

[@reo.b.8356]

Nora you are amazing

[@Seeds-Of-The-Wayside]

This is much like domestic violence. The ones who need to hear it most are the ones who aren't listening

[@arricammarques1955]

FASD challenge for parents, educators, and students.

[@priyokabi]

It's the time when a woman doesn't know that she might be pregnant that scares me

[@amie6165]

Thankfully i don't enjoy drinking much or often. Once maybe every 4 months.

[@bestimpersonations]

Thank you very much for this.

[@VelvetteWilliams]

Speaking in front of thousands gf!! Great job!!

[@aletheakelly1010]

is there a test kids can take to see if they have FAS?

[@alainarchambault2331]

We have to work with who're here in life. I'm in the human services field and so far in my organization we've had a constant line of kids that can't read or write. Kids being what they are is hard enough to get to study. Anyone here that has FASD can give me advice on starting kids on getting interested in reading at least? What exactly stopped you? And what exactly got you going? For it seemed strange to me and hard to comprehend. I was an abused and largely neglected child, and I started reading through comic books. I just picked it up it seems, much like we learned to speak as children. Being hard of hearing made phonetics a bit difficult for me too. The focus and the ADHD too. Our current client gets sucked into Fortnite and Roblox replays on his tablet. He's sure electronics savvy, yet the written word is still beyond him.