Low libido prime your pump ladies: Debra Laino at TEDxWilmington

In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

[@0princeryan]

This was one of the greatest free pieces of advice I have received all year my husband and I watched this together, and it has really helped our relationship. We're both 63 years old and our sex lives have been totally re-boosted. Thank You for saving our relationship!

[@CarolinHauser]

Hi Ryan, nice to meet you here. Have you come across the book cupids poisoned arrow?

[@phase1476]

I was in the audience this day and I have to say the energy of Dr. Deb Laino was phenomenal! She had the audience LOVING this talk! I think that her talk was on point with everything and I think that people have a hard time making changes in their lives which is why there are so many health issues in this country. So while we may say we get this do we really? Ask yourself if you actually take care of yourself and be honest! This talk is one of the best most real talks I have ever seen!

[@jonathandavidlake6827]

Having our crews and often myself covering TED talks around the world, Dr. Laino provided a rare look into what most will not discuss. If something cannot be discussed, it is repressed and can cause years, decades of harm. Thank you for bringing an issue to the public that is often a closed door conversation.

[@zolarnl]

It took her pretty long to say: Eat healthy, do sports, connect with your partner. Cheers.

[@erdmanb5]

Extremely informational! Deb did a great job putting issues with libido into perspective and explaining what causes the issues, I think it's something a lot of women don't know as much about as they should (including myself). That being said, I learned a lot, definitely worth watching!

[@abigailOK]

As someone who is ALL about health, eating right, and exercising, I can really relate to this. Balance of your life and habits are so important not only for desire but for your well-being.I am 100% behind what Laino is saying. It's one thing to communicate with your partner well and work on your relationship, but none of that will make any difference unless you can find this balance that Laino is talking about. Hormone levels are important too, often if you eat right, you'll feel so much better.

[@CarolinHauser]

Hi Abigail, nice to meet you here. Have you come across the book cupids poisoned arrow?

[@dominiquekoons7754]

Having Dr.Laino putting the points together just helps to understand sexuality a little deeper on a personal level. As she touched on several times, we know and have heard so much of the information regarding "healthy" relationships and sex, but what is lacking is the expression of it. Communication is something that I personally need to work on a little. This was a great talk!

[@alexusjones3524]

Great TED Talk! There is so much that goes into our sexual function, and most people just don't realize it. This was a great way to really demonstrate exactly what goes on in the body and give people practical ways to go about changing their life. If you want to have a happier, sexier life, listen to Laino!

[@Sweet3Lee]

Dr. Laino really puts things into perspective in this video. It's amazing how many contributors there are to a low libido! Thanks for this video!

[@CarolinHauser]

Hi Alisha, nice to meet you here. Have you come across the book cupids poisoned arrow?

[@massiellopez1288]

Dr. Laino is a great speaker. She put a lot into perspective about things that we should be doing on a daily basis, such as eating healthy and exercising. These things and many other things have a huge impact on your body, which impacts your libido.

[@JanetHamm1961]

I say foreplay is 24 / 7. Guys, make your woman feel loved always and don't be afraid to give her loving touches. Make that your job.

[@momodino18]

Dr. Laino really puts things into perspective and gives a better understanding of the holistic idea of sex in our lives. It is not just the action, but also preparation such as the diet, the relationship or connection of two people, and exercise. Thanks for the honestly and not being afraid to say things.

[@tiffanyaraujo8681]

This video was very informative. I knew that eating healthy and exercising had an affect on the body, but I guess I never really related that to ones libido. I loved the "secret" at the end! "Foreplay starts several days before." the emotional part is just as important. So true! Great job Dr. Laino!

[@CarolinHauser]

Hi Tiffany, nice to meet you here. Have you come across the book cupids poisoned arrow?

[@foreveryounqx3]

back up with eating healthy, exercising and just connecting with your partner in general and having that communication. The managing your stress part really opened my eyes up to the lack of sex drive, it's nice to hear that there is actually an explanation to all of this. This was great Dr. Laino! You're awesome :)

[@nicolevital6351]

I love this holistic approach to sec therapy. I wish everyone could attend one of her classes because she will blow your mind about everything regarding your relationships and sex. Sex is in huge culture of culture it just blows my mind that laino is one of the few TED talks that addresses it

[@anjuthomasmusic]

Great talk Dr. Laino! Most people think diet and excercise only help their bodies, and just changing these things can change so much of your life. It's interesting to see that just being healthy can cause a difference in relationships and good sexual function. I love how everything you say is so real and raw!

[@CarolinHauser]

Hi Anju, nice to meet you here. Have you come across the book cupids poisoned arrow?

[@kmason1592]

I found this talk to be quite thought provoking. I feel that many people are under the impression that they lead a healthy lifestyle in regards to diet and exercise etc, when in reality they don't. You get what you put into your body, which reflects on all aspects of life including your sex drive.

[@jrollkinsler]

Great video. You never really think about what your eating and how it connects to the sex you are having. It makes so much sense though when you think about it. I also found the part about foreplay starting days before sex even happens. We all know that emotions have a large role in sex but the way Dr. Deb explains it and lays it out on the table about how the behavior in days prior to sex just makes so much sense.

[@CarolinHauser]

Hi Jessica, nice to meet you here. Have you come across the book Cupid's poisoned arrow?

[@andrewthompson527]

Crazy how everything is connected. Well done, every point was backed up with an experience or statistic.

[@CarolinHauser]

I agree. Have you heard of the book cupids poisoned arrow?

[@cindyedward6935]

I find all this to be so true because when you try the things she says, such as exercise, and especially the clean eating even if it is having more fruits and vegetables and reducing some of the bad foods we eat, I personally noticed a change in my body and how sex was. Dr. Deb you're amazing!

[@CarolinHauser]

Yes! It's because it affects our hormones just like lovemaking does...have you heard of Karezza?

[@jessesimons6818]

Awesome Ted Talk. I have watched many but your connection with the audience was on another level! Also, I am sure you helped many people with this educational video.

[@CarolinHauser]

Hi Jesse, nice to meet you here. Have you come across the book cupids poisoned arrow?

[@emren333]

This was awesome. Very informative and really opens your mind to ways to help your libido. I didn't realize eating junk food could change your libido.

[@briannadi6497]

This talk on priming your pump is really eye opening and is saying all the things that women and men, but more so women need to talk more openly about and discuss with each other. People need to know that what's on TV, what your friends say, what magazines say isn't necessarily the greatest information to take as a resource on sex. What Dr. Laino says in her talk about life style balance, health and sexuality and conversations with your partner all relate to sex drive. It's all really true.

[@CarolinHauser]

Thanks for this talk!

[@purty.kurty.]

Deb Laino is a boss. Another informative video full of interesting points on love, sex, and relationships. You're the best, Deb!

[@CarolinHauser]

Have you come across Karezza?

[@foreveryounqx3]

I noticed that in my relationship of three years, I slowly became less and less interested in my partner. It took a while for me to realize what it could have been. Looking back on it and watching this ted talk made me realize that our main issue was communication. She began to lack a sex drive and I began to become less interested. I am a firm believer in exploring your sexuality and it was hard being with someone who began to lack that mentality. It's nice to see what can pick that drive....

[@patrickaberin5497]

-Patrick Aberin (human sexuality) Great Ted talk. Amazing how many different statistics there are for women who are not sexually satisfied by their partners. Love the in depth details on how to improve your sex life such as eating healthy and actually telling your partner what you like. Once again, great talk doc

[@newtoublue1451]

Patrick Aberin . Yes but has has to care and most only care about their own oleasure. They blame it on us.

[@kornpop4887]

If you desire house work over a relationship with a man, then you should follow your bliss and inform the man he should move on.

[@elizabethverbits5968]

I really enjoyed this video, dr. Deb touch on points that most people do not touch on which I really enjoyed. I also found it funny as well. I wish she had more time to talk about each point. Great Ted talk.

[@alexabergey4097]

This is incredibly interesting. Love hearing that eating/being healthy overall helps yourself as a whole. not just on looks.

[@CarolinHauser]

It's because it affects our hormones just like lovemaking does...have you heard of Karezza?

[@alisonnewman3019]

Great TED talk! I think the holistic approach of overall healthiness, whether it be mental, emotional, sexual etc., is so interesting and something that people often overlook. It's interesting how sexuality can be so involved in balancing life.

[@LiLiBi01]

A lot of families are transitioning from the stay-at-home-mom-and-dad-provides, to families with flexible roles. Men feel emasculated by executing 'female' tasks, women feel overly stressed for taking on both the care of the children (> 80%) and a part-time job if not full-time. It's good to have open conversations on the sexual topic, to eat healthy and to exercise. But..yea..I honestly believe a great part of our sexual arousal also is emitted from our confusion when it comes to family roles - in reflection to what we see in movies, tv series, read in blogs, etc. We are not truly taught to think a housedad can go 50 Shades of Grey on our asses. Nor do most men REALLY like to share their lives with a bossy woman such as portrayed in The Proposal. Somewhere in between the lines our sexual experience is also dictated by what we know and see when looking to the outside world.

[@jesak8653]

This was a great lecture!! It was very informative on the things that affects our daily lives. We were able to learn information that could help us as the whole person. It helps you learn the tricks in sexuailty.

[@alexvandurme7769]

I love the idea of holistic approaches towards solving medical and psychological issues. I have never been a huge fan of trying to put bandaids over and issue that can have huge problems for a persons health and this seminar had a lot of great information. It was also pretty shocking to hear the exercise portion especially since crossfit and other similar programs have become so popular in the last several years.

[@CarolinHauser]

Hi Alex, nice to meet you here. Have you come across the book cupids poisoned arrow?

[@allibrian2870]

Great Ted talk, It was super informative and eye opening for both females and males. I found the statistics on crossfit and marathon type workouts most interesting since these have become such popular practices today. I love the idea of a holistic lifestyle to promote health and well being in all aspects of life, including your sex life.

[@tutulick]

What is with the OKs, alrights, Sos, you knows......extremely annoying.

[@chayaharris6885]

I liked this talk and agreed with all her points, but have to say I felt a little misled. I'm 60 years old and realized after devoting a good 20 minutes to listening to her that she was actually only talking about young straight women. Not old lesbians. Sure, I realize that I'm a minority - but I do feel a little gypped. I already knew all this stuff. Maybe when she's 60, she'll give a talk about 60-yr-old women. That will be a little late for me, though...

[@richardbovee1138]

Pant suits are not sexy. How about a miniskirt? Dress sexy n you will be sexy and maybe have sex more than a few times a year plus she talks to much

[@richardbovee1138]

No fried foods? Is she serious?nothing turns me on more than a large plate of home fries!

[@gomezaddams6470]

Chaya Harris So it has been a year since you made this comment how are things going?

[@drexchan]

"We had it 2 months ago, didn't we?" "But if it's less than 10..." Walk out.

[@xt0mm3y13x]

Great TedTalk. I found it very interesting on the level of physical exercise, what one does to release stress, may actually be causing the stress. Kind of ironic. I never would think serotonin is released mostly from your stomach and how diet effects sex. Its a shame we are stuck in a world where we are surrounded by unhealthy food

[@emilysoldschoolalibi]

Super interesting. I liked the whole thing on how important exercise and eating healthy was in relation

[@CarolinHauser]

yes! It's because it affects our hormones just like lovemaking does...have you heard of Karezza?

[@GeorgeWilliamsLegal]

Excellent talk! Informative well articulated and extremely interesting. Practical advice, she expatiated in maintaining balanced lifestyle, educationally incisive. I'd love to see some more from her! Thanks

[@samanthakwasniuk1242]

Very interesting. Love the fact that a normally awkward conversation was funny and non-awkward. Like most things in life balance and communication is key, and the point was well made. I really like the idea of holistic treatments, and feel like this is really beneficial. Great TED talk!!

[@chocolatecake14]

Great Ted Talk! It was very informative. I was surprised at the statistics in the beginning of the video. I like the connection between maintaining a healthy lifestyle and how it relates to your sexuality.

[@CarolinHauser]

Hi Trebling, nice to meet you here. Have you come across the book cupids poisoned arrow?

[@matthewjohnson8939]

I didn't know that those types of physical activity would be bad in terms of sex, nor did I realize how much of an effect food can really have directly related. I always thought it was more indirect and related more towards health issues specifically rather than this.

[@dianaravagli]

I really appreciated the subject matter and the points she were making, however the deliverance in the pitch and force of her voice, as well as what felt to me as cold and frigid to be dealing with such a topic, especially being a woman. Presenting a tender subject with that level of distance, it starts to not feel objective, but cold. In spite of the sound and presentation itself, the content was nice and education. I found value in it.

[@lillimatusow5852]

I must say I really enjoyed watching this video! I really agree with the fact that women should try and be more honest with their partner. I find myself in situations like those sometimes. You have some really good advice! A very beneficial video..its very saw and gets right to the point..no beating around the bush.

[@extramile669]

I'm sorry the beating around the bush comment had me spit my coffee out lol but Im sure u didn't mean it that way sorry for even adding this comment but it made me laugh out loud but great video so far and yes lots of people been to not understand that u can fix about everything possible going on with ones make up I mean any issues with diet and exercise but being very discipline about it I have seen people be cured from things that doctors were prescribing pills for and everything else just by proper diet and exercising and really pushing yourself to exceed any limits that are mind holds us to the mind is a powerful thing have a great day or evening hope I wasn't offensive in the comment just thought it was hilarious

[@Mark-fx3pp]

I think a major part is women completely let their health go which affects everything. I also think nowadays a lot of women have been active since they were 15 with many many experiences by the time they get the 40 they're probably bored of it. Also he's one will never workout women do not want to sleep with their husbands

[@ThisVideoGetsMeMoist]

Great stand up comedy. Love it

[@skunk12]

Flerp Flanders Twice as good as Amy Schumer!! This one gets 2 stars.

[@Phoenix219]

Awesome video. I find it interesting the lack of communication in relationships regarding sex. Why do people feel so much shame to tell their partner what they like/don't like?

[@joechabot2669]

Perhaps we get tired of saying it and them not listening.

[@rdownmakeITbetter]

Feminism! You just have to laugh! So, just try reversing this woman's advice and see how absurd it sounds . . . If a woman wants romance from her man she has to 'prime the pump' by starting several days earlier to take care of his jobs as well as hers. She should cut the grass, wash the car, fix a shelf - and take care of all her own responsibilities around the house - then, perhaps, if she's lucky, her man might be in the mood to bring her flowers. Hmm. Sounds daft doesn't it? But that's was this woman is advocating - a man wants sex. (Oh, and did anyone spot the irony in her implicit suggestion that washing the dishes is still a woman's role. LOL)

[@michellespencer6779]

The statistics in the beginning were surprising

[@seanpisano3583]

So frustrating to read comments and mostly see people nitpicking about the speaker. Gimme a break, most of you wouldn’t do nearly as well speaking in public.

[@jlicata44]

Its a little sad that high intensity exercise lowers the sex drive. Crossfit or good sex, decisions decisions.

[@lindsayhaasis5719]

its amazing how what u put in ur body can effect so much

[@CarolinHauser]

Yes very much , our hormones play an intricate role in how we feel. Have you heard of Karezza?

[@heathergysbers4465]

The facts in the beginning are interesting, however I do wish there were more tips for the men like in the end of the video. Cool overall.

[@hannahenglish5929]

Its crazy that working out hard, which is thought to be good for the whole person, affects your sex life negatively! Had never thought about that before, but I guess stress is stress!

[@theempyrean1227]

so if they raise their hands, do you believe them?

[@newtoublue1451]

Bad sound quality. Must have been a empty auditorium.

[@Jesecita]

Great Ted Talks! I never knew the food you consume plays such a big role in sexual performance. "Foreplay starts several days before" I have always been a firm believer in the fact that emotions play a huge role in a sexual relationship but looking at the behaviors days before as foreplay is an interesting perspective. I also found it interesting that young women don't "know their body". Makes me wonder what is it about our society that this isn't taught at a younger age.

[@hnrey10]

This is probably the first critical comment I’ve ever written. She spends so much time on setting up her topics and less on the content, so frustrating. Plus why is she shouting? This is a intimate, sensitive topic and she’s taking about it in the tone of a construction worker. Interesting at some points but overall disappointing...

[@brendapoulsen]

Uhm...she is painful to listen to...Uhm...Uhm...too bad ...interesting subject but Uhm...

[@ynotsaile]

Have you ever done a Ted Talk? I am sure most people would rather have a root canal. I think she did a great job.

[@1hassan1100]

having conversations during sex, is just like saying, we'll be back,I think sex is feeling or sensing what you like to do, then moving toward it, at that moment , this is what your partner is wanting too

[@jennalucy9279]

Who the hell wants to get up and exercise?......ummmm me?💁🏼

[@lanctermann7261]

She should not speak publicly- harsh, brash, not engaging.

[@imamuuhai4199]

I would agree with her as women

[@cathywyman8103]

Many can't afford organic foods.

[@lucyb6535]

You had me until "non-gmo"

[@MELONSCOFFER]

HELP me with the dishes. Was this filmed in the 1950's?

[@bobbysmokeysignals626]

So much stuff in this talk is half truth or incomplete facts. Unfortunately people are totally swallowing it whole. Were as it’s not that simple. However there are general truths

[@DexterHaven]

She didn't even state a theme at the start. What's your issue, lady? Do you have a thesis? Don't use a metaphor like "prime your pump" at the outset. That's too vague. Say what it is without taking refuge in a metaphor. All metaphors are literally false. That's a cop out. Deal in the truth. TED Talks are going down in quality. People talk like it's some business conference at a Holiday Inn now.

[@joeldwest]

Dexter Haven She means thinking about it, flirting, affection in advance, maybe anticipating the variety of hmmmm...

[@subimaginos]

nonsense. when she mentioned gmo, organic, plastic bottles and things like that, it was clear this is nonsense.

[@saintless]

Thanks, you saved me from watching more than a minute...

[@bethbeth1575]

Seriously so what about particles of plastic containers sounds healthy and natural to digest? If that was the only take away you received from this video that's sad.

[@rybec]

Organic? Non-GMO? If you can't even do your research on stuff like this, you have _no business_ giving women dietary advice. By suggesting that there is even a _difference,_ nutritionally, between Organic, non-GMO foods and standard foods, you just kind of ruined your credibility as someone competent enough to do the research to know anything else that you claim to know. It is sad that TED sometimes discredits talks that do things like challenging certain applications of the scientific method or present evidence of potentially disruptive events, but it continues to endorse talks like this, given by people who have _proven_ their inability to even make sure they are correct _before staking other people's health on it!_ Please TED, when speakers disprove their competence on stage, throw their talks right on the bottom of the "banned" pile. Because if a person can get something _so easy to look up_ wrong, we can't trust _anything_ that person claims. When you don't, you harm TED's credibility as a whole. There is still some useful information here, but now I have to go look it up from other sources, to make sure it's not just more claims that she heard somewhere but never bothered to actually verify, before going around spouting it as fact. Thanks again TED, for not vetting your speakers and making sure they are credible, before publishing their talks here. (For the comment complaining about her saying plastic bottles are bad, she is actually right there. Some plastic bottles (not all, but it can be hard to tell) leech out hormone mimicking or interrupting chemicals that could harm libido, and not just in women. In the plastics currently used for bottles in U.S., this generally only happens when they get too hot, but consider the shipping conditions in the back of closed shipping containers that are not refrigerated. So yeah, she is right on that one. More and more companies are switching to safe plastics for bottles though, so this issue is diminishing rapidly.) EDIT: I clearly posted this prematurely. Soy raises estrogen? You didn't do your research on this one either? Yes, there is evidence that soy raises estrogen _in rats!_ As of yet, there is not significant evidence that soy raises estrogen in humans, _but,_ the amount required to raise estrogen in rats enough to even measure is more that humans would eat in a _whole day,_ if 100% of their calories came from soy. Someone wants to put soy milk in their coffee? That won't make a big enough difference in estrogen (assuming it makes any) to have the slightest effect on libido.

[@hottubtoohot5815]

ya at 14 minutes i tuned out.

[@hellstromcarbunkle8857]

Oh for crying out loud. This isn't about "issues". This is about CONTROL. and nothing makes a man feel small, worthless and controllable like sex for service or no sex.

[@pinosantilli8297]

Whole foods ...it's too expensive!

[@joechabot2669]

Sounded like in the end as men we just need to do more dishes and compliment our partner. BS.

[@elexis3728]

Lmbo @25:00

[@sandi1263]

I think diet is the cure-all for every thing....not!

[@karens6672]

Im sorry but I did not like this one at all.

[@splash2272]

Part of the turnoff may be her voice and body language. They are so filled with tension I'm finding the video difficult to watch and listen to, although I feel she is making some good points, well supported.

[@CGSevenxPhoto]

Karen S Why not?? most of what she's saying I know it to be truth.

[@lillimatusow5852]

**raw

[@newtoublue1451]

Lilli Matusow . Cooking is a good thing..kills germs. Just saw a man got flesh eating bacteria in raw oysters.

[@nammyohorengekyoooooo]

The lack of desire in women can be related to the man being circumcised, and all the problems that can be related to that. If this woman, a sex therapist, does not take that into consideration in this talk, she has zero credibility, or no knowledge of the issues/difficulties that come from circumcision.

[@pinosantilli8297]

She's Hot though!

[@kirkbrandt8143]

don't use the Lord's name in vain please

[@lisaa6099]

Hideous, hideous accent. Can’t make it through the screeching and squeaking

[@nammyohorengekyoooooo]

The lack of desire in women can be related to the man being circumcised, and all the problems that can be related to that. If this woman, a sex therapist, does not take that into consideration in this talk, she has zero credibility, or no knowledge of the issues/difficulties that come from circumcision.