TEDxHampshireCollege - Jim Ferrell - Resolving the Heart of Conflict

James Ferrell is a managing partner and founding partner of The Arbinger Institute. He is the author or coauthor of several bestselling books, including Arbinger's international bestsellers, Leadership & Self-Deception and The Anatomy of Peace.
In this talk, Jim discusses the heart of conflict and suggests that our hearts have come to find advantage in conflict.
www.hampshire.edu/

[@williamg780]

Ferrell’s book “The Peacegiver” has changed my life. And I’ve read a lot of books. I can’t recommend his work enough.

[@_DivineTruth_is_Home_]

thank you

[@scottturner4194]

For the first part of my life I was confused by those who created drama, who made life harder than it needed to be for themselves and others. I knew people somehow liked problems even though that made no sense. And then I saw this and read Anatomy of Peace and it all started to make sense in life-changing ways. Imagine how much better life could be if everyone focused more on making things go right and easing each other's burdens... life is hard enough on its own, and yet we have the power to make it easier/more enjoyable for everyone around us.

[@RiRi2023_]

Goosebumps and teary-eyed at 17:00 😘 I've watched this vid 4-5x before, and I still feel this way👏 Our company has taken their course, and Arbinger's framework is indeed life-changing👏👏👏 Highly-recommended! 👍👌👏

[@SpeakMichelle]

I totally agree. Some of us WANT drama. Some of us THRIVE on drama. It fuels our conversations and our energies. The other thing we want is to be RIGHT. And we sacrifice relationships for it. Hopefully, by watching this we can help people see that we're all just trying to do the very best we can. We can give people the benefit of the doubt, and EVEN better, we can stop blaming others or even choosing to take offense. May we all stop trying to see what we want to see and see what IS.

[@sophieschoices9663]

One of the best TED talks ever.

[@kellieliang]

I just read this book tonight and I am not kidding when I say it was transformational. Listening to this video for additional reinforcement.

[@patvass]

Arbinger is a life changing concept. It changed my life.

[@inframind]

Wow this makes so much sense! And the sad thing is, that we are TRAINED in school and in business and in the media to view people as objects to be used. Why? Because this is a world that loves money--a world where money is to be loved and people are to be used. But we have the power to change that world view by making the choice for ourselves that PEOPLE are to be loved and MONEY is to be used.

[@vibingtomusic]

I love him and the Arbinger Institute!!! One of the best opportunities that I've received to facilitate in this program.

[@sherrihayter]

Given that the presentation is only 20 minutes in length, Mr. Ferrell has really just begun to scratch the surface of what Arbinger is all about. I would highly recommend reading their trade books, Leadership & Self-Deception and The Anatomy of Peace. They really are life changing books in the most unexpected of ways (and in the most hopeful of ways).

[@robinreed100]

Living in a world where principles of truth govern our lives wether we except it or not, it's important to be reminded of how truth gets away from us. Mr. Ferrell has an eloquent way of reminding us of things that we all once knew. When we justify away the truth, the lies we tell ourselves become our new truth, however the consequences remain the same. Resolving the heart of conflict means that we get back to living according to whats real and not our made up reality. We stop lying to ourselves.

[@jen.chesnut]

These are not anecdotes, but a truth that lies within us. Do we want others to succeed, are we willing to help others and maybe push ourselves out of the spotlight? Are we willing to love the person for who they are, not love only ourselves to make us look better? If the world to the approach that Jim talks about in his last story how much better would the world be?!!!!!!!

[@rahimsamji9404]

Do not give them any reason whatsoever to put you in the box. Which means no matter how angry, upset, or wrong you think they are remember that they have a side, they have a story. Remember them as people and not "Socially weak." By saying they are socially weak you have put them into that box of how you see them. I recommend be calm, and make sure that you do not give them any reasons to make you out as the "bad person." It's a timely process and will not occur overnight.

[@ThomasWeeks73]

Great stuff ... life changing stuff. Understanding and using these ideas changes all kinds of relationships, especially the most important ones ... those in the home.

[@apester2]

Wow, thanks for the talk! Its great! I usually see people as entities themselves but I forget sometimes. What I think this really helps with is understanding why other people are not seeing you as an individual which can help you appease them.

[@amazjunelee]

Wow this is so brilliant. I can’t believe it hasn’t been shared more

[@Animepandas-08]

Floored by these lessons, thank you so much

[@jamesfoster8806]

Underrated

[@jwjarv1s]

I love the last story.

[@jsoren9130]

One other concept they address in their materials, that goes right along with what he explained, is how we come to identify ourselves in certain ways that when others don't validate those qualities of which we pride ourselves in, then we take offense. Instead we can always be ready to reassess ourselves when someone accuses us of something we did wrong. We can accept that we don't always adhere to our values perfectly, and especially fall short of our ideal vision of ourselves, and take another's complaints, or accusations into serious consideration--again, because we've resolved to recognize them equally as a person with views worthy of consideration. I guess, in this particular point, it's a matter of how we view ourselves: rather than someone believes that they are consistently what they believe themselves to be, we can see ourselves as someone who is always trying to improve and learn from others in every circumstance. I don't know that that is complete, but that's the general idea. I also like that they emphasize following the sense that we have at times to do something for someone, or say something. If we don't we, again, fall into justifying why we didn't follow that sense to act.

[@estelleferreira6102]

Awesome video, thanks!

[@Krandle88]

Just awesome, great speaker too.

[@RenePauw]

Awesome presentation.

[@JoelDehlin]

Great stuff. Thank you.

[@poffski88]

Outstanding!

[@vimlamishraavni2038]

we learn lots of about conflict,these ideas changes all kinds of relationships

[@selahman1074]

Great inspiration! if you'd like to learn more, all these are taught in depth in the books 'Anatomy of Peace' and 'Leadership and Self-deception'. Both by the Arbinger Institute. Life CHANGING!

[@KellyMillerldspoetry]

We value problems, to remain justified. Criticism patterns excuse us to fight. When we choose to seek a conflict, we dismiss virtue and peace. Someone becomes the object, inflating faults, but a piece. Turn the object into a human, for that is the reality. Become an honest new man and sample humanity.

[@poffski88]

Awesome!!!

[@amandagothard69]

why am I crying in the club rn

[@jen.chesnut]

@empzurg Right here you bring conflict in by saying someone would he his intellectual lunch...thus causing conflict. Each is allowed his/her own opinion, but there is no need to put someone down. The message here, if followed, could truly be life and world changing. Give it a try...I will!

[@baschu101]

@empzurg Good questions. A question for me is then - when I am deciding on "Bigger Issues", what is really important? And WHO is deciding? Based on what view of the others in the issues (person or object)? It would seem that all our decisions impact other people. So my take on what Mr. Ferrell is saying is that how I see these other people makes all the difference. If I see the "rich" as "Objects - or vehicles to gain more taxes"... not sure how effective my campaigning is going to be...

[@mlazan]

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@jacobsnodgrass13]

so in the box :>

[@StarIessNight]

@17:56 My dad.

[@Puremadnez]

Some of us wants drama, some of us needs drama...................... yeah thats all good and done but there are those people who wants drama and i don't. as good as this speech is for self reflecting i still have daily issues with people who needs this drama. i do not love them, they are not my friends or family. how do i address these people in a civil way? how do i make them see what they do not wish to see in them selves? how can you help the socially weak intellectual people?

[@cvalentiner7]

@empzurg What Jim Ferrell talks about is based on the work by C. Terry Warner, an acclaimed academic, so please don't write it off as anecdotes before doing your own background research.

[@mvschooten]

no comment needed, just watch and learn

[@ctowns77]

Audio sux

[@Kristy_not_Kristine]

Had me 100% until you listed Mandela along Gandhi... Mandela was NOT a good man. Other than that statement, I enjoyed your message, thank you

[@rastarobby4657]

Would it put me in the box, to point out that your comment puts you in the box? :)

[@LaredoLenny]

This is a tool for the self righteous to use. You know 99% of Psychology is just common sense. Perhaps if this video was more about being an active listener rather than solution orientated more people would be able to communicate. Sorry to say, I've heard it all b-4 in my lifetime. And have used similar techniques only to find people with closed minds or deaf ears.

[@stdepi]

Creepy and cultish