The Avoidant Often Falls for THIS Attachment Style ❤️‍🔥🧩

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

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[@Brinaweenahwoo]

I'm a DA and I find that no matter how healed I become, I still find myself in relationships with FAs. As I heal, I just connect with more healed FAs. I absolutely love the FAs presence and the ability to give me the space I need. FAs trigger me when they don't show up "maturely" and they are in their anxious side or when they shut down super hard and like pack their things, walk out, claiming the relationship is over but come back crying the next day. The confusion is real and scary. Nonetheless, love my FAs. Let's heal together. ❤😊

[@LexiGailMusic]

❤

[@lovepeace8918]

Sounds so fun lol

[@beachoffice365]

Love that you said this! I’m one of those FA’s!:)

[@spikygreen]

So you like the unhealthy things about us FAs (the fact that we can neglect our own needs to give you space) and you dislike the healthier things about us (what an avoidant would describe as "anxious", which truly is just a healthy connection). I know, my partner is a DA). It kind of works because I'm mostly secure by now, but it does make me sad to think that all the best things that I have to offer as a partner are exactly the things that make my DA partner uncomfortable. (Oh and if I could leave, I absolutely would, I would never date anyone other than an AP/FA again, just not my cup of tea.)

[@philipramsden4975]

It's not playing games when I'm mirroring them when they're being distant. I'm not going to chase or try to step closer when they're clearly trying to step back and take some space. If they would communicate that's one thing, but they don't, so the only option is to leave them alone.

[@pretty_d00med]

Same! It's tit for tat why should anyone seem more valuable than the other in the relationship. Will never stoop to feed a DAs ego.

[@ktkingster]

Yupppp

[@Watchingyourvideos]

I’m a FA and this is all 100% accurate. After a 17 year marriage with a DA and now a 6 year relationship with a DA, I am so thankful to have some insight and direction about it all.

[@nickjee]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[@deboralaw-on9od]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back

[@nickjee]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

[@deboralaw-on9od]

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@nickjee]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@alexandriat5950]

I’m a dismissive avoidant and this is absolutely true for me😅

[@ge0rgialiv]

My ex, said when we first started talking how she admired how I have my feelings on my sleeve and show them and show how I feel in a healthy way and wishes to be more like me

[@HeyitsJade]

Just walked away from my situationship with a DA who won’t commit and trying with an anxious . We just started talking and our both committed to healing our attachment style but omg he’s already annoying me. I can’t stand how clingy anxious men get!

[@HeyitsJade]

***are

[@samguyindula2983]

🤣🤣🤣🤣 Now you re the avoidant. I remember i ve been throught something similar and even started missing my avoidant ex to the point that her avoidant side didnt seem that bad after all

[@beachoffice365]

So glad I just saw this and the timing of it… I’m a fearful avoidant after a week of no contact, which I initiated, with my DA… we are giving this another go. My god do we love each other but our attachment styles butt heads. Even last night, our first night after we made up the day before, she was consumed with a busy day at work and had no energy for me last night. I felt so rejected and unimportant to her. But… I replayed in my mind the 20 videos I’ve watched on your channel earlier in the day, gave her some space and did not make a thing about it. I can tell this morning she felt guilty but typical DA’s will never admit that but instead… she’s all over me today!! It’s like she can’t get enough. Lol!

[@deeeboo-]

Interesting. I'm FA, trying to have a healthy relationship with a DA, (we both decided to learn to be more secure). What I noticed from my DA is that, if we were in a similar situation like you shared, he knows I assume things like, "I'm feeling unimportant" aka "he doesn't love me." So if I can pass the 24hrs test of not reacting to those thoughts. For him, he doesn't feel guilty. Instead, he told me he feels SAFE. And I think that's why he becomes more affectionate after it. As an FA, or maybe as an introvert, I also need my space sometimes, and he is right. When I need it, it's not because I love him less or he was being annoying. I just need a little bit of time alone. Maybe this will help you, but what helped us was communicating in an effective way, like when you do "x" thing, I feel "z" way. Best of success 🙌

[@Bulldogsrentfree-m7g]

As someone who leans avoidant myself, this makes perfect sense. I have a friend who's FA (female) and we spoke about taking our decade long friendship to a romantic level several years back. Each time we wanted to remain friends because we valued our friendship so much. The last time we spoke about it was last month and I still can't take that step sure to the risk to losing her entirely. We've been spending so much time together over last few weeks and it has been such a great experience. We've gone to the gym together consistently, been to lunch, had drinks, and even went and watched TWO movies last night (Wolf Man and Babygirl). We even watched the newest Sonic the Hedgehog movie together last week. It's so great to be able to spend time with someone all day and not feel smothered or overwhelmed. I can't risk this experience by getting into a romantic relationship that (statistically speaking) has a good chance of failure. Either way, great topic and video!

[@wf4983]

It's not your decision alone. Do you know what she wants more? The romantic relationship or the friendship? You both have to make a mutual decision - the earlier the better. In my experience, when you go over a certain imaginery line , you can't come back from that. Make a decision ( both, together - that will strengthen the friendship/relationship) and stick to it. Make a plan (again: together) what you will do if something goes sideways. Some ground rules are helpful.

[@Bulldogsrentfree-m7g]

@wf4983 yes, she said she wanted more as well. However, we've both decided that the friendship is so valuable that it's simply not worth the risk. We care for one another too much.

[@wf4983]

@@Bulldogsrentfree-m7g ok, good for you! Real friendship is extremely valuable.

[@Bulldogsrentfree-m7g]

​@@wf4983 yes, yes it is.

[@Bulldogsrentfree-m7g]

@@kristidin1983 I understand your sentiment and I'm not saying you're wrong by any means. However, we've had several years of going over this and I'd much rather keep the friendship rather than risk losing her for good. As the old saying goes, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." I tend to agree. 🤷🏿‍♂️

[@Petercakes]

I feel like I'm fearful/anxious. Can you do a video about how the attachment styles blend?

[@AlexisPerez-xz3ns]

Thank you very much.

[@stephensummers1958]

Video request: when broken up with a dismissive avoidant, how does jealously work? Does it make them come back sooner? Do they just need to see you going out with friends and having a life?? Or does there need to be a threat of another woman?

[@MsGuitars666]

Super interesting video. I used to be a FA and I’m pretty secure now. But my kryptonite definitely always was anxiously attached people or other FA’s. Never had feelings for a DA in my life

[@spikygreen]

Good for you! I'm also a mostly secure FA, and avoidants never were my cup of tea either, APs or other FAs are definitely the best for me. We've been abused enough, we need partners that will actually treat us like royalty.

[@ramannaik-ue9vp]

i know this isn’t related to the video, but i’ve been seeing Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki mentioned in so many comment sections lately. i thought it was just hype until i finally gave it a shot. honestly, the book blew me away. it’s all about understanding your energy and how to naturally draw people and opportunities toward you. it’s not some overnight fix, but you start to notice little shifts in how people respond to you, and it just builds from there.

[@LEONYSXS]

Everything I thought I knew crumbled before my eyes as I read that book

[@Apbt-rv7zw]

It crumbled? What crumbled? Everything you knew... really?

[@Apbt-rv7zw]

You're right it has nothing to do with this topic.

[@danielleh5804]

Ugh. I've been working on not being a fearful avoidant and becoming more secure. Good times

[@jeffconnors3918]

Dismissive avoidants are so addicting for me as a fearful avoidant. I am always so confused and I been studying your videos for 3 years and still cant figure them out.

[@carletouk]

I feel so overwhelmed and out of control unless I’m with another avoidant

[@r_and_a]

i feel ya! i'm an FA & tho my DA partner triggers my AP side, APs overwhelm me in ways that feel so much worse

[@Sylencer1982]

I thought I was Anxious. Turns out I'm very possibly Fearful Avoidant, leaning heavily Anxious. Always tried to be non-judgmental and understanding. Sometimes failed. My other was almost guaranteed DA, and heavily so. For multiple reasons. And I know it's not her fault, either. Lasted 9 months. And I still absolutely love her still. The hypervigilance lets me see the person behind the wounds. And she did open up legitimately, here and there. I...just know both of us need a lot of work before either of us really should be in a relationship. She pulled away really hard after an argument this last time. Never actually said anything, but there was immediate coldness, silence, and a refusal to answer if we were even in a relationship. And I couldn't handle the lack of communication, the lack of being any kind of priority anymore.

[@Sylencer1982]

I'd just found out about attachment styles a few weeks before..."the event," though. And she had previously agreed to at least put it into her rotation of media consumption. So I still hope we can both heal. Not only from this, but from the scars we carry.

[@beachoffice365]

⁠@@Sylencer1982yo man I feel ya here!! Nothing stings harder than a breakup with a DA. I’ve ended relationships with anxious attachment but as a FA my self, I’ve never felt pain like that from a breakup! Finally understand why there’s so many damn love songs everywhere… it hurts!

[@lisalyons5381]

I think I am a FA slowly working to heal I have a hard time expressing boundaries early on so by the time I realize I want and need them it feels like it’s too late either that other because they have gotten used to me in a weaker position so then I feel I have to move on I was in a situation with an avoidant also but I’m not sure which one he is. But it is like cryptonite for me off and on with big time gaps for years. He also keeps coming back after space even if it’s 6 weeks or 1 year. I was apologizing and talking my needs and he would barely communicate back and never apologize. So I’ve finally cut the cord because he won’t talk. So many courses on your website Which ones are 1,2 and 3 and how long do these courses take ? I really want to take a break and rewire myself but I have had years of therapy and it didn’t seem to get into the subconscious area so how would these courses go there ? Thanks

[@NATASHAHENDERSON-e7k]

Are we living the same life?! Exactly everything youve said rings true with myself. Uncanny!!

[@lisalyons5381]

@ omg really ?! Sisters from another mother ?? lol jk. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@Watchingyourvideos]

PDS is def worth the monthly subscription . Even the 1-2 weeks free she gives new students is worth it. There are so many courses to work through and choose from. They are usually 1-3 hours total and all self paced. She includes a workbook you can print out or fill out digitally, for every course too. Thais has a very special way of breaking things down and guiding you along the way. I wish I had the time to do more of it and actually make myself do the 21 day rewire but I’m almost always busy, in fight or flight mode or caring for others, so it all just gets pushed aside. I have done therapy for decades, read self help books, watched all the videos etc and learning attachment theory has been the most helpful, informative and validating. It has given me the most direction and a clear path to healing, I just have to do the work. I hope you can too! ❤

[@Gabriel-ws2ez]

We are attracted to fearful avoidents because we want the same thing, thinking we will get the same in return, but in all actuality it will give them the control because they don't get control, yes we are better off with a secure attachment style because they can also help us heal, but it takes time and patience, but this is my past with a fearful avoidant, and it is my opinion on being with a secure attachment style, to help me as I can help them by not being a pain in the butt.

[@arankagionetti2098]

No mind game!!! If you play stupid game you wins stupid prize!

[@rishikaagarwal4526]

Sounds so me and my ez xoded

[@tarkov_6]

These spam comments are out of hand...

[@SwissMac-dj4tx]

💯

[@junglemastah]

You're stunning ❤

[@gogohappygirl]

FA & my DA ex broke up with me 2.5 years in, so they do leave… and I’m a high functioning FA. My ex asked to be friends, though… so they didn’t leave completely.

[@kevinrocque4656]

No disrespect, but I’ve noticed that all your videos seem to focus on mind games. Honestly, in life, every relationship-romantic, platonic, or professional-has a level of mind games. It’s part of how humans navigate dynamics, power, and emotions. The key isn’t avoiding them but understanding the balance and keeping them healthy so the relationship works.

[@shivamm_gaming]

i know this isn’t what the video’s about, but i had to mention how i kept seeing Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki in comments everywhere. curiosity got the better of me, and i finally read it. it’s wild how much it changes your mindset and the way you come across to others. it’s not about pretending to be confident-it’s about genuinely building that energy so it shows naturally. definitely worth all the buzz it’s been getting.

[@abhimanyutrivedi2248]

i know this isn’t really about the video, but has anyone else seen people talking about the book Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki? i finally gave in after seeing it everywhere, and i can see why people keep bringing it up. it’s super practical and teaches you how to strengthen your presence in a way that feels authentic. i didn’t think something like this would work, but i’ve definitely noticed how people interact with me differently now-it’s like they’re drawn to me without me trying.

[@Mrjackson123]

i know this is kinda off-topic, but i kept seeing comments about Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki in videos like this, and i finally decided to read it. honestly, it’s one of those books where you don’t realize how much it’s helping until you start noticing people treating you differently. it’s like the book shows you how to unlock a version of yourself you didn’t even know was there. subtle, but so effective.

[@lovepeace8918]

Question for anybody who might have a decent guess, if I am majority anxious Preoccupied, and minor fearful Avoidant super supportive and giving, but can be hot and cold when I am mistreated, so what type do I trigger or attract most ? The quiz said I was Anxious Preoccupied mostly, then Fearful Avoidant secondary. Seems like I trigger dismissive avoidants the most, my father was a DA workaholic total asshole, Narcissist and I was three times diagnosed NPD in my teens and early 20's. But Therapist I dated said she thinks I was not NPD anymore since I was so generous to her, and empathetic, we stopped therapy and dated for few years. Anyways I don't know what the hell I really am.

[@YADAVKING577]

this might be a bit unrelated, but i kept seeing Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki popping up in comments everywhere, so i decided to check it out. the book’s all about working on your energy and presence, and it’s way more practical than i expected. after applying what it teaches, i’ve noticed people are more drawn to me, and i feel more confident without trying too hard. it’s been such a low-key but powerful shift

[@coping_in_copeland_coper]

lol

[@serenity8876]

If you were my therapist I wouldn't be able to think clearly or concentrate because your weird eyelashes would be the only thing I could think of. It sounds as if I am being mean, I am not. I was fortunate enough to have good therapists with normal eyelashes. The focus was on me, thank god and not how they looked.

[@natramirez099]

Just bc someone cares about how they look and show up in the world doesn’t mean she’s not focused on you in the moment. She’s literally offering free therapy. Hope you heal ❤

[@DrMommyB]

Some people prefer therapists in pajamas with an unwashed face and crooked degree frames I suppose. To each their own.

[@lovepeace8918]

Mind Games are fun aren't they though ? kzbin.info/www/bejne/mIe8iYqMqJWDqMU kzbin.info/www/bejne/n5SnqJ6eZdB5Zs0 kzbin.info/www/bejne/pnnXlmVqfKx7epY