The avoidant lost *YOU*

[@Mangofocaccia]

A quote that’s helped me out a lot is, “if somebody does something once, it’s an event. If a person does the same thing twice or three times, it becomes a pattern. Don’t let someone’s apologies blind you to their actions, especially when their actions are clearly a pattern. People are constantly telling you who they are with their actions, it may be time to start listening more carefully”

[@tabarnakopoulos]

Makes me think of: once is a mistake, twice or thrice is a choice.

[@enojelmeli]

💯 👏🏾👍🏾 Absolutely. Identifying patterns is essential. Some things are just a one off. But when they happen repeatedly, it's a character issue.

[@yippierb]

And.... It works both ways, You both need to realize that you are triggering each other and agree to " do the work" to heal. The questionable part is will the Avoidant recognize, acknowledge and do the work.

[@zoeyanaqvi-zn7482]

😢😢😢❤

[@danifem]

They never even apologize

[@JustMeAndMyBoy]

The problem is when you’re an empath, on top of everything else, u feel sorry for them. 😢

[@mbolaramanoelina625]

I used to feel the same not a long ago. Until I regain all my lucidity. Yeah, they surely had to get through some hard Times to become like that. But deep inside, I'm sure they feel they hurt us really really bad and don't even dare to show the slightest ounce of empathy. And that's awful. Don't let them disrespect and hurt you again like that.

[@sb9758]

All said and done, it fckin hurts!! The avoidant doesn't feel the loss, the rejected person feels the loss

[@melindalephotography]

So very true! I’m heartbroken 💔 and still miss him……

[@poetsrear]

​@@melindalephotographyYou'll get him back when you develop emotional maturity to NOT miss him, NOT need him, NOT whatever... It's the satire of life. You attain those things you're willing to renounce. The moment we emotionally stop the fucking nasty NEEDINESS, we get exactly that which we always wanted. But only when we can absolutely honestly and without any self-deceit say that "I don't need that to exist happily. Throw it away forever and you'll notice it jumpscares you around the first corner after that. Life is weird. Like an education of sorts. Not about what you have, but what you learn.

[@manasakarade8596]

@@poetsrearhow lovely are your words .. poet indeed ❤

[@MissSarahGM]

True according to our perspective, but they don't really want someone emotionally available since it feels like pressure and expectations. However after years, they will likely understand the value of what they have lost but were not able to receive at the time. Mine contacted me after over a year of sporadic breadcrumbs and seemed more vulnerable and wanting to see me. The thing is he didn't write he missed me and he loved me, but talked about the love I gave him he still carried. It made me feel like he missed the adoration but that's still not mutual, not offering to reciprocate. And far from the apology I wanted.

[@MissSarahGM]

​@SunshineAndSnowflakes To be fair most people love from that place, not just the avoidant. Mostly unhealed, immature people, slaves to their emotions. The avoidant will love how you make them feel, initially - but once the avoidant feels anxious and triggered, he will also feel like you are the cause to how bad they feel. Since the avoidant is prisoner of his trauma, it taints his perception and he can't see you.

[@jill3330]

Same scenario for me, except he couldn't say that he loved me or missed me- or anything of the sort. Just wanted to sweep it all under the rug as if the implosion of our relationship never happened. Funny, he used to say those things while he was future faking his way into my heart.

[@DiariesOfaPhOenixRiSinG]

Avoidants shouldnt be dating! 😒 Go to therapy if youre avoidant and quit breaking hearts. 💔 i told mine to never reach out again. Good luck to him avoiding that one! Im done being a yo-yo and non priority. I deserve action, prioritization, love, adoration....just like i give it.

[@TaurusMan68]

@DiariesOfaPhOenixRiSinG you're exactly right. My avoidant ex showed no emotions and empathy when she discarded me. She definitely needs therapy and to face herself.

[@jpscott126]

I wish they wouldn't, for me I didn't realize I was dating an avoidant until later on, I didn't even know there was such a thing until it happened and I started searching for answers. When there waa none. Wish I had known about this earlier, would have saved myself the pain.

[@jill3330]

I needed this reminder- I entertained a reunion with my ex, until he said that my attempt to discuss my feelings in a prior conversation was a "turn off". Little does he know, that statement was a gift from him to me, because I'm now turned off forever! I see Peter Pan for who he truly is, and it's pathetic.

[@deb_diaries]

Coach, please ignore the goober that says you lost all credibility because you wore your hat backwards. That's total rubbish. Your knowledge and content is superb, as is your ability to be empathetic. You could deliver your content in a chicken suit while wearing a sombrero and I'd still listen to your videos. Thank you for all you do to help us understand and heal. God bless.

[@HANZELVANDERLAAY]

I agree ..this guy is sooo legit... excellent utuber

[@MD-gk2un]

May we get a video in a chicken suit and sombrero? Ryan id love you forever too and I need a good giggle. I love you all. Xo

[@deb_diaries]

​@@MD-gk2un 😂 Never judge a book by its cover, right? Coach knows his content and helps many people -- at no cost! Bless him.

[@RayVenger]

Every time I think about reaching out or call her I come here and watch this video first. Future self don’t forget all the nights of pain, the tears, the nightmares, the stonewalling, the ghosting. Don’t forget it.

[@TaurusMan68]

I have to remind myself every single day to not ruminate about the early stage of my avoidant ex. The one who was so "deeply in love with me " Or another popular phrase was 'all of me loves all of you ". Coach Ryan, you're right, they lost a person who truly put their heart into the relationship...only to be met with an unempathetic, stone cold stranger. Maybe one day she'll truly face herself and what she did...but I'm not holding my breath 😢

[@cynthiaespinoza4154]

Guys, I was best friends with my DA before we became a thing. I gave him plenty of chances to stop and just be friends. I spoke up about my needs many times and asked if I was annoying him or pushing him away. Answer was always no. One time I told him he worry about himself and I worry about myself and he got angry. Finally had the talk with him after months of wondering what was wrong with me and turns out I was “pushing” too much towards a relationship. And I was the one pushing him away by trying to talk all the time. DAs lack accountability and they don’t even want to think about them being the problem. He then says he doesn’t want to lose my friendship. Again, would be my fault not his. Save your energy, don’t let that DA drain your essence and life. Stand up for yourself and walk away. I still hurt. 5 years of friendship, 10 months of “friends having fun” according to him, and now 1 month of pain down the drain for what? FOR ME. I dragged him along in college, career, emotionally, and mentally. And he was there for me only when he was bored. NO MORE. Please think of yourselves.

[@angelb.9632]

I empathize completely with you. My situation was dating, then the push after dating 2 years for a normal commitment. We broke it off and we slid back into friends with benefits, living in a gray area until finally. I know I deserve better, and I ended it. The hard part is I constantly was his support and help but in truth when I had things happening he was emotionally checked out, and was just "too busy". This video helps me feel validated for my feelings and I feel so much better about myself and my decision.

[@MaryAnneRosato]

I lost nothing. Eventually came to terms with the fact that they were never truly there.

[@AnnaSus-q4g]

Yes! >>That they where never truly there

[@karlibear1553]

I know Avoidant are different to Narcissistic personality disorder, but there's a lot of overlap.

[@PositiveFactsGallery]

And no wonder. As far as I know, all narcissists are avoidants (not the other way around), so they sure share some things

[@evakis7530]

My heartfelt thanks for the kind, comforting, and healing words. I only just found this channel, two months after my last discard. Many times, I feel like I’m getting better, but this weekend, the pain overwhelmed me again. These videos have kept me going ever since, and it’s an indescribable relief - especially because I have no one to talk to about this - that someone validates my pain, my experiences, and practically names everything I went through this summer. Two days ago, I felt like I was going insane from the pain, but now, I feel like maybe I’ve started on the path to healing. Thank you.

[@UmmAbdSami]

I am healed after walking away, self love and self worth getting close to the most High attracting my real divine masculine

[@Denise-dn3yf]

You made me cry. So sad that such a lovely person can't express his love. I left him two weeks ago after a very patient 2 years. I could no longer be patient.

[@Nyenae]

I love how you keep mentioning twin flames.. I thought my first avoidant ex was my twin flame until I finally realised I was just trauma bonding.. Had I not had that first experience, I would have probably thought the same of my second avoidant! I'm almost ashamed for falling down the twin flame story cause of it. So I love that you mention it, because in hindsight, I think a lot of 'twin flames' are just people trauma bonded to avoidants

[@satrjking]

I feel like I've gaslit myself into believing he is my twin soul x

[@charchar7897]

What's so sad about the whole twin flame theory, is that people really wait around wasting their lives hoping that other person comes back. It's really sad.

[@RS-ms1bz]

There are no twin flames…no such thing

[@ayumumichi77]

He lost me, I didn't lose him. Why is that so hard to sink in....😢

[@tankthearc9875]

she was my whole world, but she will never have a good relationship, too selfish

[@rayfih]

Because we are not used to thinking of ourselves first. It's such a big and powerful learn! We have to get a bit more ruthless with our softness ❤

[@clara7920]

I left my DA after 5 yrs I couldn’t do this disappearing and reappearing for another year. As I stated I need someone I can communicate with not Freddy the cat.

[@spiritwanderer777]

totally, i left after 2.5 years, most painful breakup ever

[@hellomybaby7486]

Same boat here. It’s mentally and emotionally draining 😞

[@claudiavillalobos5079]

You are absolutely right! I know he's lost big time. No one will ever love him like me, genuinely, honestly and purely, whole heartedly. I know he's going to realize it but by then it will be too late. I really needed to hear this...Thank you. 😮

[@maureenm6137]

I need this as my ringtone. I’m so devistated, I wish I could just erase the love that I feel for him 😞

[@namarievenstar]

I feel you...

[@maureenm6137]

@@namarievenstar ❤️

[@namarievenstar]

@@maureenm6137 ... Much love your way, both self love and the greatest love the Universe will bring to you to soothe your heartbreak. I am going through the same and refuse to lose faith. 🙏🏽❤️

[@Ojvyfz]

It is a reflection of us because we chose to stick around with someone who was not good at communicating. Everyone has wounds and they commit to people who don't show up for them for whatever reason. But it's about recognizing, and doing better the next time.

[@MD-gk2un]

Your videos take so much sting out of what I feel. Thank you!

[@robertmadore2138]

So true my friend. Thank you. You're describing me perfectly. I gave her all my love. Taking care of her. She had a treasure right in her hands. But she left me. As if she was unable to open heart to the beauty of real and true love. I have to be courageous, let her go, and find a new love... able to love.

[@FrankyboyFloyd]

Love you man! Just been discarded ... Your videos are helping me so much!

[@jrobertr]

That’s wild you referred to the lack of emotional growth as Peter Pan syndrome, because his favorite Disney character was Peter Pan. He even has the outline of Peter Pan framed. So genuinely, right on the money. I haven’t talked to him in years though. To those struggling, it does get better as long as you start healing and learning to love and trust yourself. I barely have any anxiety now. I’ve found people who treat me with kindness. I have people who get upset when they upset me. I have people who are just as mindful of my feelings as I am theirs. I know what it feels like to be truly loved and appreciated now. The healing journey was and is 100% worth it. It’s the best decision you’ll ever make. I hope you all find the love for yourself and from others that you deserve ❤

[@Imgonnarise]

My DA hoovered me back last month by suddenly asking me to marry him, almost forcing me to take that decision in the span of a day! And the dumped me today, telling me that it isnt working out for him. It barely lasted 30 days, all those big promises, all the dreams, the bubble he created in his head of what perfect marriage could look like. He calls himself a hopeless romantic lol, and yet doesn't have a heart inside of him.

[@anitarogers2877]

@R_3181 - They live in a fantasy world of their idea of perfection, in their minds. Their built up expectations of how they want, expect things to be, without having discussed any of that with us in person - cause the house of cards to immediately collapse when we are with them in person.

[@HANZELVANDERLAAY]

Loser....don't look back...u kan do it🎉

[@bdtrap]

"Emotionally they are still a child." Ack. I've said this a number of times the last several years... ...but never out loud before 😬

[@Al-Sahem-Al-Ghul]

The emotional depth of a teaspoon unfortunately. My ex-wife is such a sweet heart, but her avoidant side comes out and I don’t even recognize her through the stone wall sitting in between us. It’s very freeing to be out from under the spell, but it still sucks because of how much we other attachment styles pour into them only to not get our needs met and ultimately drain our emotional battery.

[@asbjelasulejmani8585]

I want to hug you because you know exactly what we feel and exactly what we need to hear 😢

[@尼古拉斯-Nicholas]

They end up regretting in the long run but it may take a couple of years of dating other people..

[@tabarnakopoulos]

@@尼古拉斯-Nicholas it is still their loss.

[@sarahjanewaterfield1770]

Thank you. Your videos are helping me on my healing journey. You sum up the situation exactly in your words. ❤

[@mikyl-fo8rh]

After realizing that I was being played by the avoidant, I had one good, hard cry and moved on with no regrets or remorse. ‘A person cannot love as a courageous decision until they’ve experienced a broken heart (paraphrased)’. Jordan Peterson

[@DiaHoyDiaz]

I don't know how many billions of people in the world needed to hear this; but, even though I thought I was past this(personally); I definitely needed to hear it said this morning. I am lovable 💖 and worthy of the same amount of unconditional love, respect and support that I give into any future relationship(s) Thank you for sharing and shedding a light for me @Coach Ryan. 💐😊🌺

[@johnvillamil3138]

Another very well done and articulated video. I didn’t know this DA syndrome existed until I went on the internet searching for conditions related to this behavior.

[@derrickrr5516]

I swear the term was just created a few weeks ago. I’ve been looking for an explanation for almost 20 years and just recently figured it out.

[@petridhskyriakos]

OMG!!! Excellent choice of words to describe the accurate feelings of the dumpee...

[@cococaptivating7611]

I have no idea why I am having such a hard time dealing with rejection from someone that is so damaged. I really do because I listen to you daily, But I am still in shock and can’t believe he doesn’t want to be with me. I keep saying I don’t understand why he threw out the baby with the bath water? It blows my mind that he could do that. I believe he was scared to death of me and that is the opposite of the way I am in relationships.

[@jdprettynails]

It takes time. I know everyone says that about every breakup, but this kind of pain isn’t normal. It was out of nowhere and likely the connection you had with your avoidant was intense. So your brain is chemically going through withdrawal symptoms. My friend constantly told me that I was behaving like a drug addict and that’s because I was. The worst part is I feel extra stupid because what I had with him didn’t last that long compared to my previous 20 year relationship. But getting over this one is hurting ten times worse because of how suddenly it was gone. It’s highly important that you be kind to yourself while you’re going through this. I’m being less harsh on myself if I need to take a day to just rest. It’s been 2 months since the bomb dropped and 1 month since going completely no contact. I still cry over him…at least once a day. But it’s much less intense now. Watching these videos is incredibly helpful. Even if they say the same thing over and over, I need to be reminded every day. I also highly recommend Ken Reid’s channel he has a ton of really informative videos on exactly what it feels like to be going through this, since he’s been through the exact same thing. My favourite video of his, he goes through some arguments you can use against that negative voice telling you how worthless you are and how to refute it using its own “logic”. Good luck with the healing, I promise it will get better!

[@walkertranger5746]

Thank yall for sharing. 8 years with her and I’ve never felt so damaged. It’s beyond mind blowing. How someone can walk away , ghost as if I meant nothing to her. What’s even more terrifying is the fact that it’s been 7 months of NC and I question why I still love her. I’m obliterated and wrecked beyond recognition. I have PTSD from multiple traumatic incidents and this is one more to add to the stack . It’s almost as bad as the unexpected tragic death of a loved one . How do I heal from this ?

[@jdprettynails]

@@walkertranger5746 that’s really awful. If you can, seek out therapy. If that’s not an option keep watching videos like these. (I also recommend Ken Reid’s channel, he has a ton of helpful advice) Ultimately it’s just going to take time, but the important part is being kind to yourself while you heal. I’ve been doing a lot of processing my emotions. I talk to friends about it, write down my feelings on a piece of paper and burning it, I did some meditation…sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Also distraction techniques! Do you have a hobby? I crochet and play video games which has helped me a ton. Also listening to music (which was hard at first because my ex introduced me to a ton of fantastic music)

[@cococaptivating7611]

@@walkertranger5746 I can identify I have been diagnosed with PTSD and have two different murders (at different years and situation) in my immediate family. It’s been 6 months of no contact and I still think of him daily. Going through emotional withdrawal is how I’d explain it. I am sending you love and healing.

[@cococaptivating7611]

@@jdprettynails Thank you so much for responding. I’m sending you love and healing and much light!!!!

[@shaneharrold5173]

Really needed to see this today, thank you. I have allowed myself to be strung along by my avoidant ex for over 10yrs now. Finally cut all ties yesterday and even after all these years it's still the hardest thing to do.

[@Chilaquiles-jz7vm]

What did they do? I’m in a 10 yr relationship and I’m scared I’m the problem 😣

[@rose-of-theoasis]

No, he did not even bother himself with excuses, he ghosted me… but you know what? I ghosted him back and acted as if he doesn’t exist, to this day. Not even once tried to reach out or ask why or how & I never will

[@lisambright-randle6274]

Awesome message of encouragement and care. Thank you coach. I needed to hear this ❤

[@mattdawson6551]

Thank you, Coach Ryan. You’ve helped me through the past 11 months

[@bennyobs]

same here

[@olzzon]

Same here , he deserves a lot more followers but this channel will grow because what he does is so incredibly important, you help a lot of people coach , and a lot of us hit rock bottom . You are they guide with the light in the tunnel guiding a lot of us out through this horrible experience ✨🕯️

[@Goldilocks444]

They break us then we make us! Great video thank you

[@jameelahbell5766]

My mother passed away on May 21 and the gentleman that I thought loved me broke up with me a few days after. I feel alone and heartbroken. You totally pretended to be someone else everything he said that he wasn’t. He turned out to be thank you for sharing this video. I am going to watch it every day as a reminder how awesome I am❤ It really sucks to have your heartbroken twice.

[@tabarnakopoulos]

That's what my close friends say! She lost a good guy and may never meet one again! But in all this, I am sad. Sad because I feel like we let a lot of people down like both our families who were happy for us.

[@Chilaquiles-jz7vm]

I gave my everything to someone and was cheated on. I haven’t been able to recover from it and now I’m avoidant. I’m more cautious on how much I give to people.

[@poetsrear]

You're not supposed to give shit. Don't watch movies. Romanticism is a late medieval concept of lower class men who tried to attract females in an age where rich and powerful nobles hoarded all the females of the town into their own harems. Romanticism is an artificial concept to hack into the female psyche and trick them with something "nice but pointless that any man can do", whereas they naturally are (self-)interested in the resources and the status of the man. This is unhealthy setting for both. Do not give and expect to receive. You work on something and if someone pleasant around you likes to work on the same stuff, then become a team, sure. But only if you work for something beyond your small selves. If your point of attention is the person and not the activities you do with the person, you are in a inward turned trauma bonding that's discretely directed towards clearing internal false beliefs and conditionings, NOT IN A RECIPROCAL ADULT RELATIONSHIP THAT'S AIMED AT HAPPY LIFE DEVELOPING THE REALM YOU LIVE IN. TL;DR Relationships aren't for you & him/her, they are for the world. You are brought together to serve others, not EACHOTHER.

[@paulapenna-loveyourvoice]

The words I needed to hear - thank you

[@majeedmeerasahibu1803]

You are a good human being coach… May God bless you forever

[@Crimson_blood-x4q]

Thanks❤ I needed to hear this. I am so heartbroken😢😢

[@Mellie726]

Wonderfully put Coach Ryan. Keep up the good work!!

[@justkami21]

This makes me feel better. It's bittersweet.. but I know there's nothing at all wrong with me. I showed love, respect, compassion, you name it. I will give this to myself during my time of isolation and I can focus better with school! ❤️😊

[@Roxann-qw3nr]

Wow you hit the nail on the head. Im so glad its done & I can move onto a healthy relationship one day.

[@stylephyles8932]

"Your emotional age is considered to be the age when you last self reflected"....🤔 And Another One💎... Reflecting how important SELF-REFLECTION IS - This particular statement is for everyone that we mature in a healthy way emotionally through consistent self-reflection. Thanks coach...I love your videos! 💛 P.S. Wear your hat anyway you want...The focus is your message not how you wear your hat. Messages always on point.

[@CoachRyanH]

It’s impossible to grow emotionally without self reflection. Appreciate the kind feedback, by the way! I generally wear a hat when I’m overdue for a haircut. Once I get it cut I’ll make videos without a hat, and when the hat comes back, that means I’m needing another haircut but pushing it off a bit 😆

[@walkertranger5746]

@@CoachRyanHI do the same thing with a hat . Keep up the good work . Your knowledge is valuable and has helped me beyond measure. Currently, My problem is answering why I still love her? Why do I hope for her healing and her to change and why do I want her back? 8 years then poof ghosted without any “just “ cause. I’ve been in NC for 9 months.

[@HANZELVANDERLAAY]

​@@CoachRyanH.. u rock man... incredible 😎 content...danke .. Hanzel

[@Vickey-b5t]

The Avoidant doesnt seem to care that he lost me. He has already replaced me with new supply - several options and I've remained alone and isolated.

[@melo-9286]

You're not alone😊

[@Lighttub]

Same 😢

[@thecuriouskitty10]

Those new people will also turn into terrible casualties. The avoidants have a pattern from which they can't escape. So whatever hell we suffered, others will suffer in a similar manner

[@clarisec1451]

Thank you. I needed to hear that

[@christines2704]

My dad is 73 and still has the emotionality of a child. I've tried for years to incorporate him into my life. It's pointless. He doesn't really try.

[@samprithapudakalkatti_8tht774]

So dey never really change???

[@christines2704]

@samprithapudakalkatti_8tht774 No, not really. That's my experience.

[@Apixi]

You're emotionally the age you were when you last self- reflected 🤔 That's actually pretty awesome🎉

[@seanj86]

The TIMING of me seeing this video is right on time. God knew I needed this at this very moment. Appreciate it Coach‼️‼️‼️

[@sammiep109]

Thank You You put my situation into the words that I couldn't ❤

[@Suzanna5989]

You described my situation to a tee. Thank you for this, I really needed to hear this ❤

[@shrutigupta4317]

I think I have to watch this video everyday 😢😢 in order to move on from my avoidant fiance

[@PatriciaRivera-xu4ym]

I needed this… Thank you universe for sending this message to me. ✨🙏❤️✨

[@heatherscott5400]

This really really helped me to understand my previous relationship and the depths that it was in, thank you. 🙏

[@michboo1]

You are always on point thanks for encouraging me through my discard ❤

[@intensepassion3382]

I needed this so much.

[@Uneedahobby]

Thank you, it's exactly how I feel.

[@Cre8Fire34]

Their day of facing the damage that they cause - is coming. We can speed up karma by telling them the blunt truths that they are afraid to hear, but must. #NoHoldsBarred

[@teadororudy]

Thank you Coach. You’re exactly right, and I needed this reminder.

[@GabriellePetersen-v8m]

I don't believe that anyone has ever laid it out just like this which is exactly the situation. Although it does not hurt any less knowing rhis as it's the greatest loss in any relationship I have ever had.

[@lizatkins2130]

Thank you. Your video message is so incredibly healing. And incredibly validating. This message is exactly what I needed to hear, today 🙏❤️

[@vixter28]

That’s right ! HE LOST ME ! He won’t find anybody like me HIS LOSS ! Yup emotionally unavailable 🖤🖤 He’s so emotionally stunted. He got so angry at me for talking to a couple guys I know, ( but yet he was talking to women on his phone all the time and I was supposed to be OK with that ummm NO !) That he had a Tantrum and then ghosted me and he probably doesn’t even know why he was angry ! So immature, I can’t be with someone that’s like that ! Plus, he’s an alcoholic so he’s really emotionally stunted

[@TaurusMan68]

I'm sorry for your experience. We're all trying to make sense of what we went through. Have a good day

[@khomotso87]

Thank you ..this makes me feel so much better .

[@suzeller]

That there are already 12k views in 6 weeks shows how much of an unfortunate and painful phenom this is

[@DavidTheoret]

She lost out for sure. Avoidant ghosted while she had an affair. I am free to find someone who gives me what I can offer in return. What a shame though because it was so much effort and I gave it my best shot.

[@tankthearc9875]

i gave her a lot of love, and even physical things they are very selfish they want it all.

[@honeybee7272]

I needed to hear this...thank you 🙏

[@ChumpanZees]

I really needed to hear this Coach Ryan, thank you so much for making this video. I went through exactly what you have described 2 weeks ago and I've been in excruciating agony ever since 💔😭

[@JosephPaX]

Thanks man Has me in tears ! It’s the truth

[@javireyes7333]

I know that 😢I knew this In thé first place. I even listened the Peter pan song afterwards. Even thé phrase : you sold yourself too short came into my mind.

[@Wendyiss]

Well, I feel I made mistakes as well, I don't want ro victimise myself... It was not easy... But the lack of communication was breaking me apart....

[@MsCLAUDIANL]

I'm an avoidant with a deep desire to heal and have a secure attachment. It's not easy, I've been trying to trust but I haven't had a healthy childhood. That's why I decided to be alone years ago because I don't want to hurt anyone

[@Ridendrty]

Me too

[@rose-of-theoasis]

My avoidant ex did this to me almost 3 times now.. What does this say about me or him?! 😭 It could tell more other than he is evil or I am a door mat. Because we both are not that 😓😞

[@MsCLAUDIANL]

@@rose-of-theoasis possibly he has been teaching you to love yourself first, to trust more, to communicate more openly. I surely know that if you have experienced it you needed it.

[@ItalianoWithJodina]

Get help, heal yourself, so you can break the pitiful pattern of being a victim who victimizes others- childhood trauma isn’t your fault, but it is your problem, and only you can take the responsibility to fix it. Hiding and isolating yourself isn’t healthy or healing , nor does it serve your higher purpose.

[@sheliasmith2884]

You are wise

[@Snoopitsa0405]

Thanks for your videos. They help me to keep no contact.

[@jackiel7726]

THANK YOU!! Your videos give me so much comfort. ❤️‍🩹😔

[@sashafierce6436]

I fear this, if my DA doesn't try to work on himself. I am emotionally exhausted. I feel like a fool, if all this time has been wasted 😥

[@IvanaGirl]

Wow I needed to hear this. Thank you

[@ontheturningaway140]

Ditto

[@d4444-g7z]

Thank you, Coach.

[@Apixi]

Oh. My. God. 🕊️ So needed to hear this message🫂

[@kemontemcclinton7739]

Needed this

[@hrena214]

Thank you so much for this.

[@Lordani66]

Whyyyy is this in my recommendations and is fitting 100% into my life about what happened just recently? Its scary haha. But it does give me some consolation.

[@alphyzqrw7222]

I'm going through the same thing 😅😅😅

[@Lordani66]

@@alphyzqrw7222 I wasn't even looking up anything of this nature on YT, so it's not based on my search/watch history. Almost as if some(one?) wanted me to see this at this crucial moment.

[@Luxi11310]

On our second date, he said I projected our connection ending onto him. I shared it's not what I wanted. After the date, I shared I was a bit self reflective if i was projecting and why. Then days later he said he wanted to talk to me about my fears one of these days. When I said I was willing to talk and provided dates, he said he's just so busy these days but we'll find a day. I felt it was breadcrumbing and his way of distancing. I said I respect that he was busy and that I'm grateful to have someone to reflect on. Sent him peace and we'd catch up when we aligned. Now IDK if i was the avoidant or he was.

[@Beth1300]

Brilliant video. I've watched it a few times.

[@MrTracyLow]

Your videos on this subject have helped.. thank you.

[@wwd1239]

Wonderful! Such kind and emphatic words. Thank you! ❤

[@jdprettynails]

This might be the most important video you’ve ever done

[@redvette2466]

Anything you see in another you see in yourself and if it is anything but positive there's still work to be done on oneself and when you realize that and have done that work on yourself you will only attract those that vibrate the same as you or as the healed version of yourself

[@sarakatharina2928]

I needed to hear this. Thank you

[@Nina-fv1mp]

Thank you ❤ I needed to hear this. I appreciate everyone’s comments as well. So much insight.

[@daljitvirdi1024]

Thank you for this video very heartfelt and true words of wisdom 💖😔😥💔😇🙏.

[@Ari-ih5un]

Needed to hear this, thank you

[@M24120]

Thank you for this

[@marcelacasaus195]

Really, I lost nothing And gauned myself and my freedom

[@marcelacasaus195]

They lost everything.

[@marcelacasaus195]

You are right.

[@janasiguenza1545]

Avoidants have demon possession. The only thing we can do for them is to pray for salvation and deliverance.

[@marysh3840]

I lost me and my future. Ended up alone in my loneliness