The BIG SIGNS You're Dating a Narcissist! (Watch Out For This) | Matthew Hussey

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The term “narcissist” gets thrown around a lot nowadays. It’s an easy way to villainize someone we dated who didn’t seem to put in as much effort as we did . . . or a person who, deep down, we know we allowed to get away with being a little self-centered because we liked them so much.
But this casual use can minimize the dangers of dating a true narcissist-someone who at best will never meet our needs and at worst has the potential to dismantle our ego and our confidence because they’re viewed as a threat to the narcissist’s control.
If you’ve ever wondered if you’re dating a narcissist, this week’s video should give you clarity. In it, my brother Stephen and I give you 11 specific signs to watch out for (and some might surprise you!)
This is a meaty podcast and we go deep, so even if this doesn’t apply to your life today, having these signs in the back of your mind will likely save you from future grief.
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[@jcnlaw]

Seasoned divorce lawyer here. Just my two cents: do your homework on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic traits. It could save you from a relationship of pain and a brutal divorce. Stay safe out there! Trust your gut!

[@theoriginalawesomeglowsome7712]

Thank you!

[@pelagic6]

Unfortunately, I'm here in the middle of a nasty divorce from one of these succubi.

[@himiaamaliah]

Thank you jonathan!

[@valeriejanssen7132]

I'm going through all the legal cases now. I got a 5 year protective order against him and the preliminary hearing is next month. I'm going after him in KS for more criminal charges after he's convicted here in OK

[@casebycase_904]

You r right! The gut instincts!! I broke up the marriage as my narcissistic ex... I realized I was gaslighted by him and his family. I was an ATM sexdoll...

[@sadiaali9198]

Indeed. No one gets more upset than a narcissist being accused of something they definitely did.

[@BrendaBaBoom]

They’ll lie on their grandma’s grave ….

[@chinmiyi390]

Very true.

[@paulrosenau4930]

Always interesting how the facts magically change.

[@TalTal16]

Soooo true, soooo funny!

[@Ctuggzz]

Amen!!!!!!!

[@julanre3160]

If you feel like you are losing yourself - you are with a narcassist.

[@kalikodelevere5008]

Yes. Any time you act dysregulated but like totally out of nowhere and feel "triggered from nothing", you're likely with a narc.

[@honeysvw]

Totally

[@flora12181]

100%

[@bettyboothe2523]

I definitely lost myself and I still don't want to admit he's a Narc. I wanted to believe the fantasy he portrayed. Even though I know he needed to leave, I feel rejected all over again. It's pitiful. Especially after already seeing him all over a younger girl not even 2 mths after he left.

[@ocheerup1324]

@@bettyboothe2523100%. I was with my narc ex husband for 9 years and so when I finally started dating I thought I knew ALL the signs, I spent years healing. But I’m pretty sure the guy I was with for 4 months was a narc. I don’t want to admit it. But it’s the only thing that could make me feel so triggered and trauma bonded. 😢

[@charmblossom5714]

No empathy is a hallmark of narcissism.

[@NeverLoveNiila]

I think the only thing missing in this video was that even if your partner is not a diagnosed narcissist, or even if they only show some of these traits and not others, as long as someone is making you miserable, not treating you as an equal human being with emotions that are just as important as theirs, you should leave and find someone who does better. You deserve it!

[@ThePossumone]

Yes or stay single - we don’t always find someone else nor do we need to

[@LisaGemini]

Preach! Protect your heart, girls!

[@cyndigooch1162]

NeverloveNiila That's exactly right and I don't like labelling people anyway, which the medical model tends to do! I don't even like adding the word disorder at the end of PTSD and C-PSTD because it's a perfectly normal reaction to an abnormal event, or events, not a mental illness. 🙁

[@Joy-mm3cz]

That’s not a emotional healthy partnership. Definitely time to move forward and start the healing process.

[@leahflower9924]

Easiest way to know you're with a real narcissist is realizing youre in a trauma bond I told him often I feel like I have Stockholm syndrome come to find out after leaving it was a trauma bond

[@WonderWoman1984-uy5yn]

"The relationship worked when you are catering to their every need, but when you have a need, you become an inconvenience". This was the sledgehammer that cracked my perception of what my relationship truly is. I don't ever call him a narcissist because I think the word is vastly over used and dilutes the severity for people that ARE dealing with them, but there is nothing I haven't given. When I accepted that the breadcrumbs back did not match my investment and the constant feeling of giving and being rejected started to get painful, I said nothing, but withdrew. He screamed at me and went on a huge rant about how I don't give him anything and how awful he has been feeling because of my behaviour, even though I can't even get a hug off him, or get him to pick up after himself.

[@eiehe93-]

The only way to take control from a narcissist is to get yourself from their domain first. You wont be able to figure out anything until and unless you are out of the hellish world. I will tell you one of my favourite stories. Once a King was too disturbed by everything that was happening around him. He felt as if no one was loyal to him and he was always afraid of his kingdom being attacked by perpetrators. He lost his sleep and his life had become hell. So he thought of taking a brief sojourn in the countryside. He passed through lush green fields and picturesque landscapes. The silent breeze that brushed through his hair filled his heart with joy. That is when he saw a farmer who was putting fence around his farmland. But his farmland had weeds all over and they hardly had any crops. This intrigued the King. He asked the farmer as to why was he putting a fence around the farm when the farm itself was covered with weeds. To this the farmer said that the farm was his own so he could get rid of the weeds whenever he liked. But he cant stop the stray dogs from running over his fields and destroying them. That is why he was putting the fence. To stop the stray dogs from venturing into the field. Once he was very assured about the security of his fields he can work on clearing the weeds and planting crops. On hearing this the King somewhat got the answer which he had been searching for. The human mind is also like the field. You cant control assholes from fiddling with your mind or saying bullshit. But you can definitely put a fence ( figuratively) so that these assholes cant influence you. And until and unless you dont put a fence you can never work on yourself. Once you have distanced yourself from toxic people then you can work on the healing process. Same is the case with narcs. Narcs are these stray dogs who suck your energy emotionally. They play mind games for fun because their mind wants melodrama. They hurt the very people who love them. So total isolation from these narcs is absolutely essential for the well being of your Mind. Once you are out of their mind games you can take decisions rationally. Narcs try to drain you emotionally. So everytime you respond to their low vibrations you tend to come to their level. But when you react confidently without panicking and without responding to their negative vibrations that is when you Win. When someone realises that you arent being influenced or being manipulated by their actions they will get tired of it. And after cutting them off completely from your lives you should work on your healing process. Work on clearing your mental clutter and keep yourself preoccupied. Read books and most importantly try to find your Purpose in life. When you find your Purpose you will be able to bear any pain in this World. Most importantly help others in need. When you find someone else who is stuck with a narc help them to get out of that. I feel this is the way to take control from a narcissist. P.S: I hardly find people around me who know about emotional abuse. But I think everyone should read and know about it. In today’s mean world you will find a lot of people who try to influence you or demoralise you using the sweetest of words. Its about identifying these covert manipulators and distancing yourself from them. I have immense respect for people who have survived narcissistic partners. They happen to be the most strongheaded and emotionally stable people you can come across. I learn a lot of things from them. Truly the broken will always be the most beautiful. Additionally, Here's a clue for anyone of you that think your spouse might be cheating, but you think they are just too clever to be caught, your feelings of being cheated on are not facts and your intuitions are bullshit unless you find out for sure. So before you bring your sickness and blame into the relationship get some fucking proof and some mental help consult a private investigator today Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose know where you stand in your relationship...

[@fionaheat718]

Married to a narc, got severely depressed, and then divorced. My advice, whoever makes you feel bad is not the right person for you.

[@LouisaWatt]

As someone who married a narcissist, the love-bombing phase at the start is where they do everything they know they should do to reel you in. The ego jabs and selfishness etc don’t come out until they know you’re emotionally invested. The very first sign in this video is the best one to look out for: they don’t like having limits, rules or being told “no” A narcissist will push your limits to both test your boundaries and speed up the relationship so you’re “swept off your feet” and don’t have time to think rationally or get to know them before being involved. Slow things down (especially physically) and see how they respond.

[@erikbartlett2147]

I did all the things you spoke of above. I slowed it down and then the cracks in her armor started to show. Luckily she never got her hooks in me. When she didn't get what she wanted is when I saw "the 3 faces of Eve". I saw a person I never knew existed before and, that's when I started to realize she was a narcissist. Period.

[@gigibtsurvivor3348]

Took 20 years for the mask to slip. Covert narcissists are the most insidious.

[@LouisaWatt]

@@erikbartlett2147 😅

[@mariamj3147]

Omg, you're so right. I relate to your experience from my own past ...

[@bethanychristensen200]

Totally agree the no regard for limits and rules.

[@swetha4844]

1) Pushing your limits. 2) Ruins your self esteem. 3) An obsession with control. 4) Doesn't allow you to have happiness outside of them. 5) Building you back-up with unpredictability. 6) Ignoring your needs. 7) Never admit their mistakes. 8) Actively seeking to make you feel crazy and question your self. 9) More interested in dazzling you more than getting to know you. 10) They might understand your feelings but that's not important than theirs.

[@zoeyanaqvi-zn7482]

Pathetic humans

[@CynCardoso]

Unfortunately I have dated someone who did all this. 10/10

[@zoeyanaqvi-zn7482]

@@CynCardoso God bless you ease, bless and protect you always with all His love and mercy. Ameen

[@leapsill1969]

💯💯💯

[@frankdavf4599]

Acting like menacing poutin tauntrumming bratts should be added.

[@lakegirl7729]

You hit the nail on the head when you said, “When you have a need, you become a burden.” Yes this is ALSO true of narcissistic behavior. Narcissists will NOT give more. Additionally, narcissists give FAKE apologies to get what they want.

[@altpath]

In my experience, I got a lot of "I'm sorry you feel that way". It was so infuriating, she always made me think I was the f-up one in the relationship.

[@lovelight2919]

I would always say…. “What do you want”

[@levanahdr1991]

I know what you mean about a fake apology... its like an empty words...xx

[@kalifornia4745]

@@altpath I also got this a lot…

[@divyainthegarden]

I got "OK, I'm sorry" and that too only once.

[@chrisannlinton1764]

My advice on this...as soon as they've started to display the signs....pack your stuff and be on the move....it's best to be free,than to be trapped in Mental Slavery

[@chinmiyi390]

The word " one more chance" made me feel like I was one who had problem. I was under my ex control without realizing it.

[@privateequityguy]

*"If people are doubting how far you can go, go so far that you can't hear them..."* If you are reading this, I hope you have an amazing day!

[@victoriaporsiempre]

I love that! 💪🏼

[@trippytjcrew]

exactly

[@annaconcepcion1249]

made me laugh!

[@naziasvoice]

Love this.

[@hoomansbagira5790]

There are different types of naecissts out there! Be aware of the vulnerable narcissts, who seems shy and talks about negative aspects happened to them and make you feel wanting to rescue them and pity them. These are often the most dangerous ones behind closed doors by time

[@beritter]

Yes!! Or Covert narcissists (might be the same thing as vulnerable, I have heard both). They come on quickly and strongly with details of their tragic past to test your level of empathy.

[@hoomansbagira5790]

@@beritter It is not, but similar. Yes, and people being very empathic and people pleaser (dodependet people) try to safe them often due to deir own trauma of fixing their own family (which wasn't possible)

[@genevieverose1234]

yes, unfortunately that's the type I fell for. got out after six months but the damage is done!!

[@AF3NI]

@@hoomansbagira5790 the covert and vurnable are the same

[@hoomansbagira5790]

@@AF3NI No they are not. How do I know? Ask Psychologists dear

[@aliusiaIR]

My advice as a narcissist surviver…do not move in with your partner until you’ve tested them for narcissistic traits. It’s always easier to move forward than it is to get free. It’s been almost 6 years and I’m still afraid to date.

[@adripena4491]

Alluvial, I'm right there with you. Even when the narcissist moves on and has a family of their own, they still pop-up! Don't ignore red flags people!!!

[@Violets14]

I agree with you about figuring out the narcissism and other traits before moving in but don't be afraid to date and have fun! Just get to know more people casually (circle date) and get coffee etc... so they have the opportunity to treat you well and you have the opportunity to get more experience reading their behavior and learning new things and experiences.

[@autumnvalerio1231]

Why move in and play house??. It’s not the right model and we wonder why it never or seldom works. Been there... it’s a false sense of security. Ever watch Flag football?.... red flags are flying everywhere the minute it’s brought up..

[@Joy-mm3cz]

Do you follow Dr Ramini? She’s helped me w/my healing from my 20+ marriage w/a narcissistic/boarder line personality disorder.

[@MsAlexb]

I’m afraid to date and it was only 8 months!!

[@bam8039]

I remember one thing I heard in another video. It is: If you want to find out quickly if someone is a narc, tell them "no" and mean it! Don't let them persuade you if you have strong beliefs about something. If they get mad or keep pushing, there is your red flag.

[@ktmggg]

A narcissist is extremely sensitive to criticism no matter how mild. An ex viciously ripped into me when I said I didn't like his brand of coffee. His tirade made me think whoa, this is way too extreme to be normal. Within a few weeks the devaluing and discarding started and I cut him off and changed my phone number, blocked him on all social media. He just wasn't worth it.

[@angelaspeer6386]

OMG, I got that about coffee too. How dare I suggest I liked ground coffee in a plunger or espresso machine....tirade about how great the cheapest brand of granulated coffee is. Note to self: no opinions allowed, keep that mouth shut

[@cyndigooch1162]

ktmggg Good on you for ending it as quickly as you did, which proves that it CAN be done after noticing red flags! It's interesting and infuriating how highly narcissistic individuals can get extremely angry and easily upset about minor issues, yet they say that their partners etc are way too sensitive. I was abused by narcissistic people on and off for many years, yet kept giving them more chances, then a few stopped contact with me, due to mistakes I made. I was annoyed with myself because I could've done it a long time ago. ❤

[@elle_87]

Same when I said I didn’t like a particular phone! It’s ridiculous

[@kalikodelevere5008]

They're like children when they get criticised or fed back to about something. The revenge is in the post also if they're jealous you went out or feel slighted by you. They love a cool revenge dish and you just don't see it coming!

[@Adrianafaith123]

Oh my gosh! I had a similar experience. The narcissist I dated made coffee with one tablespoon of coffee grounds which was WAY to weak for me..so I just doubled up on the coffee grounds when I made coffee and he got SO mad at me. It was Maxwell House coffee, you'd think it was made out of gold. He had to lord over everything I did.

[@SimulationGeek888]

I was in a relationship with a covert narcissist who “got it”. Would acknowledge all the pain he caused, promise to change and then nothing. It was so emotionally painful to think you had a partner on the other side and to realize that he was only capable of meeting his selfish needs. Good riddance. Never again.

[@maddyharvey7414]

I recently was talking to a man who was extremely charming, handsome and seemed very reliable and interested in me. I told him I wasn’t comfortable going on a hike in the woods on our first date because hello, that sounds like a recipe for murder. He got kind of pushy until I eventually told him I wasn’t interested anymore (very politely I might add) based off his reaction to my boundary. He then proceeded to call me 5 times, text me about 20 times saying how dare I reject him in this way and how I’d been smug and rude to him. He tried to use some of the very minimal personal information I’d given to twist the narrative to suit himself. I can’t say he was a narcissist but it was the most insane reaction I’ve ever gotten from someone. I don’t think he’d ever been rejected and I get the feeling that if I hadn’t set that boundary and left when I did, I would have been pulled into something that would have gotten really bad down the line.

[@emilytaylor1001]

😱😢

[@morighani]

wow, you DEFINITELY don’t want to go hiking alone with someone like this. So glad you stuck to your guns

[@Filmnvinyl]

Omg! 😨 I'm so happy that you didn't go on that hiking trip and that you dumped him.

[@jakskeys]

At least a narcissist possibly a psychopath. Well dodged 👌

[@angelaspeer6386]

I had something similar with a guy I chatted to on a dating site. After being broken by the 2nd narc, I loved this guy let me speak, so basic but yep I got to talk, and we had CONVERSATIONS, wow incredible. He drove to my hometown for a date, a 3 hr drive. We had a lovely time. At the end, around 10.30pm I kissed his lips goodbye, thanks had a lovely time. Got a text next day he couldn't believe I didn't offer my couch for him to sleep on.....WTF? Why is that my problem? Book a motel, don't come to me with that. Good bye. So inappropriate

[@mirandabrookee]

This sounds like my ex and it’s so crazy when you are out of the relationship and finally have these “Aha” moments piecing together why exactly that person treated you the way they did. It wasn’t you IT WAS NEVER YOU. Never forget to trust your gut!!

[@Freedom-Fighter1]

Amen!

[@zayzaymorinov1934]

Ehehe, mine now has a new supply. Ironically, the previous supplies and I are betting on how long it will last, before the new supply joins the 'list' and we gain a new member.

[@minhtam294]

yep to those Aha moments! It’s when all the dots are connected and you finally see everything clearly

[@yb2112]

-"I do what I want ,when I want with whoever I want." Heard this 1000 times from my ex during our 2 year nightmare.

[@pennywhite34]

A narcissist can keep up their act for a bit but I think most will show their true colors within a month or two. That’s why it’s important that you don’t move too quickly into a relationship. One of my exes managed to keep up the show for two months and then things quickly took a dark turn. It only got worse after I tried to address his behavior and talk about how it made me feel. Narcissists are NOT interested in your feelings or hearing about anything you might think they’ve done wrong. They’ll just respond to what you say in a way that flips the blame on you and it only escalates after that. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, get out if it’s in any way possible to do so!

[@marcuslong9761]

The whole point is that you never get the approval. As soon as you get close, you get knocked back down. And if you're not self confident, you'll always blame yourself, and ignore that you're playing a game you can't win.

[@sueanncrawford6217]

They see everything that happens to you as “how does this affect me?”

[@TracyVanBrocklin]

I have a good tip. When I started the relationship I jotted down a note each day on my planner about our experience for that day. There was a day, around month 2 or 3, when I just stopped because I knew I shouldn't write down another disrespectful note. I saw a pattern and it made me look and feel pathetic should it carry on.

[@jessicagraham4330]

I had a similar experience. I kept a journal and I also noticed at 2 1/2 months we had our first really ugly fight. I did write it down, but I also took full responsibility. After that, all my journal entries about fighting were vague and had me taking responsibility and down playing his role. I shake my head now, reading them. So many red flags that I just didn’t want to admit. I said it was the highest highs to the lowest lows. Luckily I only endured the relationship for 9 months but it was enough. My heart breaks for those who endure this abuse for years.

[@sudenims5235]

Fantastic tip.

[@bettyboothe2523]

@@jessicagraham4330 I too saw signs early on and didn't want to admit. I had been in a 9.5 yr Narc relationship prior but it was completely different. Now 3.5 yrs in this one (2 yrs- trying to get back what I thought we had which was all a facade) I was miserable. He's been gone 2 mths and I'm still trauma bonded. Trying everything to get this out of my body. I'm getting weary but keep plugging fwd.

[@tacrewgirl]

Great tip

[@stariadreamtea]

So smart.

[@CynCardoso]

I have dated a narcissist. He almost destroyed me. I was in pieces when I finally got away, but even if now I have some traumas, I feel stronger.

[@emilywickless1227]

Same here, glad you are better and stronger now 🤍

[@sagebreeze]

I was engaged to one until he became physically violent and abusive. I just left a couple days ago. Gonna take a long time to heal.

[@CynCardoso]

@@sagebreeze you will heal. You will get stronger with time. Don’t give up on you

[@za1600]

@@CynCardoso Something happened recently, which just again shook me to the core. I know everyone who listened to it told me I HAVE BEEN BLESSED TO GET AWAY FROM SUCH A PERSON! I believe it too now, but it still hurts me even after 6 months, why? Why am I so fucking genuine for shitty people? "Can someone help me out and identify for me? Recently went through something. Met someone for an arrange marriage( clicked on the 1st meeting,texted and thought there's mental compatability for sure).He was good looking and I'm a sucker for looks. He seemed so charming and impressive just like the man I wanted for a husband. 5 yrs elder then me(31 he was).He has an ego problem(he insulted in a way my dad and my bro over an audio msg when they were going around and checking about his drinking past).He said he was short tempered.He told me about his casual drinking but he said he won't do it if I don't like it at all since I told him I won't move ahead if u drink.Later on, he did not like my gift (local brand) and he told me he's into chanel/gucci brands and that he wouldn't even give this gift to his servants or that if u can't afford don't give one. Then one time he said " iwont change this is my nature,u need to focus more on what I say and understand my nature". Family was very imp to him,he said call my mom/sis beforehand as I need to come into his family and live. When I said call my bro(he had a bad footing with him in the start)he used to say don't push me and I will do on my own and then one day he got mad and said I won't do it even in the future too.I let it go. Passing some comments to me like"prove your worth first, or that respect has to be earned". I'm a freaking doctor and he was just running his own property business, he used to make me feel like I'm below him maybe? I always appreciated and said u are a self made man I like it, he wasn't educated much. Commented on my dressing( he was into light colours more, I was into bright colours, I said ok will add light colours for him). Recently his mom said some stuff to my mom regarding they didn't like the "handcarry" in which the gift was given to her son. I for the first time took my family's side and told him over a call, that we aren't materialistic people etc. I told him to be neutral and think. Next day I see he blocked me from everywhere and texted " it's over, your last call has crossed all red lines ". I'm just so hurt heartbroken, he ended up blaming me? I had the most genuine intentions for him, was ready to do everything. Did i do something wrong by that last call? P.s its been 6 months since it happened. Just recently saw a video on insta, his wedding happened! Started to have flashbacks all over again

[@westcoast747]

@@za1600 Best thing to do is to move on and put it down to experience, don’t take his behaviour personally. Sounds toxic, insecure and selfish. Poor lass he’s fooled and duped into marrying him. He did you a massive favour, and you have an opportunity to find someone else who’ll love you unconditionally.

[@mlever39]

i had a 3 year relationship end where we lived together for 2 of those years and i cried twice then was fine. i was dating a narcissist for 6 weeks and it has mentally scarred me for life. the damage they can do even when you’re an independent and stubborn person is terrifying

[@sudenims5235]

So true. It’s not a normal break up. It feels like end of the world .

[@jaclynh9343]

They also do not like boundaries. They will truly reveal themselves when you advocate for yourself when they have done or said something that doesn't sit well with them. They will get annoyed BC they do not like to be held accountable.

[@emilytaylor1001]

I have lived with narcissist for 12 years. I had very law Self esteem, i was codependent. This is all due to toxic childhood. Currently 18 months no contact. I can spot now narcisistic people very quickly.

[@Jeanninecomeau]

I was with one for 20 years. I wish I could get that time back. Just leave as soon as you can get away.

[@ssb1056]

I was married to a covert narcissist. Now it is more clear, it wasn’t in 1990. He was a corporate attorney, soft spoken, seemingly nice. He did everything to erode me professionally, personally, spiritually. He could never apologize and when I left him, he came back to undo the settlement agreement he drafted. A covert narcissist who acts surreptitiously, lies, deceives, tries to drive you crazy is so destructive. It has taken me five years…to get back to normal! Good to know! But self knowledge, confidence and love really insulates you from falling for these monsters!

[@melslose548]

I was with a narcissistic man.. My ex put me thru complete hell.. Emotional abuse .. He played the “victim”, I walked on eggshells.. he punished me by not showing me affection.. gaslighted me.. finally stonewalled me when we broke up.. No closure nothing, as if we did not even know one another.. I am so damn jaded now.. huge trust issues.. depression.. 😞

[@NeurodivergenceDiaries]

You are not alone!

[@NSoutherland_WellnessMD]

Same here

[@helentaylor7132]

Be glad he stonewalled you!! Better than being stalked, which is what the most dangerous ones do...for years if the they don't find another woman.

[@drruthannharpur]

I”m a clinical psychologist who specialises in issues of narcissism. I’m familiar with Ben Taylor’s social media and in my opinion he is extremely accurate in how he portrays narcissism and yes, this is very accurate! Having done online dating, I can also tell you I have seen every single one of the behaviours you talk about here on first dates or after a handful of dates) and none of the guys who showed them, got another date but it surprised me how easy it was to feel put down and deflated by them and also how it could feel very good when they were praising me). Anyone could be vulnerable to this kind of relationship.

[@transitionsnc]

"Anyone could be vulnerable to this kind of relationship." I completely agree with you.

[@lexilei9950]

With the amount of narcissistic men I've dated and seem to attract into my life. It is very reassuring to watch normal emotionally functioning men and how they react to a narcissist mindset. It does give me hope and I hope I do find one of these healthy stable men to share my life with

[@pricklypear3819]

Oh. I have so much to say. Clear sign is breaking boundaries. Saying over the top things. You know the ones that will seek revenge. That is narcissistic personality. You will know soon. They are even child like in behavior. That person that doesn’t stay in their lane. Or always the victim. That’s the covert narc. Simply they are vampires of energy. True human predators.

[@pelagic6]

It's been a year since leaving my narcissistic wife. I am just now starting to recover from the energy she drained from me. I couldn't believe how bad it was until she was outta my life!

[@oliveknaus]

I call them demons and when we provide supply they are harvesting our souls and spirit. It’s spiritual warfare.

[@pricklypear3819]

@@pelagic6 I feel the same way. People say I look younger. I was so drained I couldn’t smile. I couldn’t get up and go, it was a fight daily.

[@awakeningEmpath]

from my 50 years experience, the minute someone flies off the handle that’s it, game over

[@sarahjaneross2918]

Trouble is, they also bait you into "flying off the handle" even if that's out of character for you. Then that's used against you. Often, you're left reeling in confusion as to what just happened!?

[@paulacretu1263]

Lack of empathy is a big red flag. Also, having sex with a narcissist is not just shallow, empty and lonely but it is painful emotionally and you just feel like an object; your pleasure, your orgasm is never for you, it s for them, for their ego, for their validation. I felt i got raped, that I was a prostitute and now I do all the things I have to do to heal.

[@jenniferschutz9100]

My ex narc had 0 empathy for humans (he only showed empathy for his dog) and after we had sex, same thing happened to me. He would just roll over like I was a girl he picked up from the bar that night....

[@raquelm2004]

I'm a psychologist. Love your work. Control, manipulation, guilt tripping, unpredictability, gaslighting, all symptoms.

[@janetcoleman3366]

I was married to a man for almost five years that stripped me of everything I've ever had, not one thing could I do right by the end of five years. I had no idea who I was. If I did not vacuum the house right he would take the vacuum cleaner from me and do it himself just to show me how it's done. if I did not do the dishes right he would do the dishes, he would tell me how to dress he would tell me what to wear. he would tell me how to do my hair he was in control of everything. Don't know if he was narcissistic but he was definitely in control of me. Took me many years to find myself but I am never been the same since being with him. But over the years I forgave him because that's what you're supposed to do to carry on with life you have to forgive. There is much more to this story but to much to put here. But bottom line if you're with somebody who you feel very uncomfortable with don't wait 5 years get out while you can and rebuild your life.

[@andrewh1737]

Hi Janet

[@janetcoleman3366]

@@andrewh1737 Good evening Larry..

[@andrewh1737]

@@janetcoleman3366 Good evening how are you doing

[@andersondave4411]

Hi I'm dave, do you mind me sending you a message I do love to talk to you

[@ozwomanid57]

As someone who just ended a relationship with a narcissist, it is so difficult to leave the love bombing phase. It feels so good to hear all the things you hope to hear and be held as they reel in you in. Then literally they leave you spinning as they move on to the next person because "of their reputation". I feel lucky to have left when I did. The problem that I have been facing is that not only did my ex but five other men I know don't face any consequences because of "who they know" and their "popularity". They drink and drive, they have open beers in the console, they have sex wherever whenever all because they feel there are no rules that apply to them. Even worse I have discovered most have a hidden "house mouse waiting". A "house mouse" is a female - a ex-wife, a current wife, a current mistress who has been completely broken by the narcissist, is now completely submissive to his needs, and is willing to put up with all of the BS and hurt just to hear the occasional "I Love You". It goes deeper than ignoring needs. It goes into a criminally selfish act

[@sandracastillo3317]

House mouse??!!!? I have never heard this term before but OMG!!! That makes it so clear what I have been!!! For 7.5 years!!!! Popularity doesn't even cut it. He's referred to as the "Mayor". Everyone gives him a pass and forgives all his indiscretions and want to be around him to see how far he gets away with shit. People are amazed and appalled but they all "love" him. His drug use is out of control. I walked a week ago. House mouse no more. Thank you for giving a name to my existence so I can get the fuck out!

[@ozwomanid57]

@@sandracastillo3317 Im glad I could help. Alot of men where I live have the House Mouse and the Closet Freak and the Sugar Baby. The House Mouse is the quiet submissive wife or common law wife who "love" no matter what. The Closet Freak is the girl they picked up online who loves to party and is addicted to the same crap he is. The Sugar Baby requires high high maintainence - jewels cars, etc - she is good and gives good and provides higher quality addictions.

[@sandracastillo3317]

@@ozwomanid57 People call me St. Sandra. Ok. Now you are really blowing my mind!!! Closet Freak!!?!? And Sugar Baby??!! He has those too!!! He's has taken up with a woman not the first that parties more then him and now he doesn't even come home because she does drugs with him all night long. He started to pay her rent too because she hasnt worked in a year. she calls and loves bomb him gets him to pay for her drugs dinner trips spa. and she is just as narsacistic as he is and they feel so connect. Worse part is she was a friend of mine!!! She has text me that she loves us both and would never do anything to hurt me and is helping him figure himself out and that I am over reacting and dont understand. She is not a therapist by the way. He came home after two days smelled like her perfume!!! I cant smell anything but i smelt that at 5:30am and that was the last straw. I feel like I am living in bizzaro land. Doing drug is not therapy. She gets him into the strip clubs for free. They go so often that the strip club owner comes and shakes HIS hand. How much money do you have tonspend fornthatbto happen? and everyone from the valet to the maintenance man know him by first name at more the one strip club.. He invites the strippers back to his friends house when ever he can. He started texting one in particular and other women he has met thru her. And I am the one over reacting!!!! So thank you for informing me that I am not crazy. No idea how grateful I am. I was doubting myself today. And need this realty check.

[@lizbennett4440]

Wow! Well said!!

[@lizbennett4440]

Wow! Well said!

[@hh7788ify]

Matt please invite Dr. Ramani. I am sure you will have a great conversation about this topic. She is the best on this topic and super smart/ intelligent woman. She also lives in LA :)

[@chriscunningham8807]

Dr Ramani is an expert in this field and offers great advice on recognising and dealing with narcissistic abuse.

[@gigibtsurvivor3348]

Yes! She is phenomenal and an actual Psychologist.

[@Joy-mm3cz]

Oooo…I second that. She has helped me so much. 🙋‍♀️

[@valeriejanssen7132]

My ex was very abusive in every way possible. They also constantly cheat usually don't work and have drug addictions. He always complained I was too independent. I have a permanent protective order and there's a felony domestic abuse case pending. I'm an empath and I'm learning to set and keep boundaries.

[@oliveknaus]

Yup! My ex is addicted to pills, I’m on my second TPO and there are two DV Battery cases pending. The recovery is hell- but we just stay strong and get deliverance from these Demons. 🙏❤️

[@emilytaylor1001]

Thank you Valerie for sharing your experience. Mine was sex and alcahol addict. Me and my daughters managed to seperate after 12 years of abuse.

[@bethanychristensen200]

Narcissists pursue you relentlessly lovebomb and than ignore your needs. It's confusing. It's not somebody who just not return interest. That fizzles out way up front and you do not end up in a relationship. Narcissists will Lovebomb, breadcrumb and then ignore. They want you and control and your Money totally different. Even when you are leaving they beg you to stay even though they are not capable of empathy or caring for your feelings. It's not someone who is just not interested.. Dr Phil has a whole series on this that is super informative.

[@gen8878]

A Narcissist doesn't ultimately care about your feelings but they do care about the way they make you feel ,..

[@ambercockcroft9801]

I grew up with a narcissistic mother, which meant I was naturally drawn to narcissistic type relationships. I never had my own identity because I was always expected to be what everyone else wanted me to be, I was very insecure, had no confidence as well as a life with anxiety and depression. A year ago I reconnected with my boyfriend after a 20 year separation, this wonderful man has been so supportive and has encouraged me to grow in ways I never knew was possible, I’m becoming the person I feel so connected with, I’m learning more about myself and discovering my own interests and following my own path, the biggest thing is that I’ve also forgiven my mother and my exes because I’m the one who allowed them to control me so I had to accept my part in it too.

[@samanthaelliott6630]

I completely resonate with this share. I have done so much work recently on my narcissistic mother due to a recent romance with a narcissist. Am finally realizing how vulnerable I am to this dynamic as my boundaries are still damaged despite all the hard work and therapy I have done for decades. The dynamic is so painful but sadly its familiar. I will indeed work harder to protect myself!

[@MimiTheHamster]

My entire family is low key narcissistic so unfortunately I’m very used to the cruel side of humans

[@cyndigooch1162]

Amber Cockcroft It's great that you've managed to have a healthy relationship, despite your past! I hope it's still going well too. I'm in my 60s now and both of my parents were highly narcissistic, or worse, hence why all my "relationships" have been traumatic experiences. It seems like I'm never going to have a relatively healthy one, yet I'm not even looking anyway. I mainly want to mention that you had no choice when you were a child, so it wasn't your fault at all. I haven't forgiven my parents because I believe that it's not necessary for healing and they caused immense harm, even though I'm aware that they had horrendous childhoods as well. ❤

[@erikavaleries]

me too, it's horrible

[@NextLevelTherapy]

Love this! ❤

[@samanthaelliott6630]

Great clip. I recently received an 'apology' email that was full of excuses, word salad and not a hint of accountability for hurtful insensitive actions. It was unreal. In addition, I am so glad you have highlighted that narcissist CAN in fact ask a lot of questions and "how do you feel" statements can abound. At 52 and a 7 month friendship prior to intimacy, I was completely blindsided when I finally realized how toxic, and incapable of true empathy they are. A very painful experience indeed. But I am out. NOT going back. Oh ...and the gaslighting, blaming, word salads, attempts at utilizing flying monkeys etc continues. Narcisists do not take well you moving on. Even if they initiated the split. Its an unreal experience. Thank God I do have life experience and decent self esteem. My heart bleeds for those even more vulnerable who can potentially get caught in the insanity. So sad that people like this exist. Obviously very very damaged. Be careful out there!

[@kimgordon3695]

Maybe send flowers to their wife 😂

[@kalikodelevere5008]

I got abused and insulted 24 hours after a 25 email apology rant. Its not comprehendible

[@Freedom-Fighter1]

Their thinking is so foreign to a normal persons thought patterns. It amazes me. They truly have no empathy for how you feel or think. I’m sorry to hear you went through that. I stayed with my narcissist for 20 years too long, once I realized what she was it was too late. I had three little girls under the age of five years old and I wasn’t leaving them. So I stayed and endured her abuse for many years. Once my kids were old enough(youngest being 20 yrs old), I finally left. It’s hard going through it and it’s taken a couple years to get my head straight again. It is so nice being single and away from that abuse.

[@kalikodelevere5008]

@@Freedom-Fighter1 amazing well done! Keep going and live your best life xx

[@andnowyouknow3363]

The lovebombing and mirroring your love language are things one must look out for the most. That's how they REEL you in. By making you feel like you've found your soulmate. When in reality, they are selling you a false dream only for them to turn a 180 later down the line. And you doing everything they want just to get the person back they used to be. That is how they cause you a traumabond. You'll get used to the highs and lows.

[@mariapap8962]

Having dated two of them and learnt the hard way...:what Matthew mentions about those "amazing" first dates and the narcissist's lack of interest in REALLY getting to know the other person is SO spot on!Definitely something to be aware of, in combo with the love/attention- bombing phase and the attempt to speed things up. They really are very persistent and put on their mask of (seemingly) inexhaustible patience during that first phase, only until they lure one in .It's the same amount of patience that they exercise during their silent treatments (probably the cruellest tool in their arsenal). In conclusion, when someone seems too good to be true he/she most probably is! Our gut feeling usually rings the bell by that time, we just haven't learned to trust it often enough and react accordingly.

[@michelekawamura1357]

There’s no pain greater than the silent treatment

[@Vixinaful]

The difference between a guy whos not interested and a narcissist is that the uninterested guy wont call you or come by, he wont chase you and thats okay, everyone cant like everyone. A narcissist wont let you leave the contact and wants to keep you as an emotional (and eventually physical) punching bag.

[@stariadreamtea]

This is why it's so dangerous when people say "a narcissist would never care for you when you are sick" OH YES THEY WOULD. And even kindly and with dedication. WHY because of what you said in the intro "the less agency and autonomy you have the more they can control" yes. If they become an indispensable carer for someone disabled or chronically ill - they can bring so much good that you can't afford to replace (often quite literally. Full time paid carers are expensive) and they encourage dependence slowly over time to the point you'd be stuffed without them. Then they can threaten to stop helping, leave etc or do a sloppy job anytime you fight. Now it's too hard to get well as the stress keeps you just sick enough.

[@chemybamford9919]

A relationship with a narcissist is a terrible thing to experience, traumatizing to say the least. Even if you get away from them they still don't want you to be happy with someone else. It is a sick mindset, really

[@adrianamanta291]

In order not to feel jealous of your partner doing fun things with friends you must go and do the same things. Enjoy time with your friends.

[@bethanychristensen200]

Nope Narcissists do not have empathy. You will notice how they will mimic empathy at awkward times and inappropriate ways. They have strong disdain for your emotions. They're actors.

[@jessicacoyer3308]

"He's using his powers for good" omg 😂😂 that made my day.

[@SH-if5vt]

Get familiar with the term gaslighting!

[@EmaWarren]

Very helpful! That last part Matt said about narcissists when they “get it, but just don’t care” because nothing else comes before them, was so helpful to hear. As someone’s who’s come out of a narcissistic relationship that was the most confusing thing to me. Being an empath and an HSP, I couldn’t just wrap my head around the idea that someone would understand where I was coming from and just not care. And still being able to connect, and not care was mind blowing.

[@zekesalazar7643]

5:55 Talking from experience here, one way they dismantle your confidence and neg you is they mask negatives as positives. And gaslight you into thinking their dismantling criticism and abuse is a good thing, that you need it, that they're doing you a favor. But the only person they are favoring is themselves. And they are analyzing you as they do it.

[@myunfilteredtruths3338]

My issue is when you are dealing with someone for nearly a year and they can do all these "FUN" things with everyone else BUT YOU. When you ask to go on dates and do fun things together they hit you with a litany of excuses for why they cannot go on dates or plan dates. Yet, can willingly go out to eat and have fun with others. But when it comes to you , you are only used for sex or going over their house or them sometimes coming to your house and again its all about sex. And yes ALWAYS having your needs ignored and disregarded meanwhile I am constantly doing what I can to meet their needs and to take their feelings into consideration. Basically if it is not reciprocated....do yourself a favor and LEAVE!

[@maycoma]

The narcissist has cognitive empathy but lacks emotional empathy

[@kirsteneobrien]

My family was narcissistic. I say "was" because I finally made the decision to cut them off after years of giving them grace. Distance has made me realize that their behavior was nothing more than an inexcusable form of bullying/mental and emotional abuse, but as someone who's had to deal with this kind of behavior firsthand, I think it's unfair to say that narcissists choose their targets because they're weak. That's what narcissists want their targets to believe in order to justify their abuse, but even the strongest people would be worn down by constant exposure to this sort of behavior. You could even argue that narcissists choose targets whose strength threatens their "control/power" because tearing them down is more rewarding. In reality, I don't think that it has anything to do with the target at all. I think that narcissists hate themselves, and the only way that they know how to cope with their own self-loathing is to project it onto other people. This is partly why gaslighting works: the things that narcissists accuse their targets of are so off-base that their targets have to stop and question them, but the narcissists do it with such conviction that their targets end up questioning their own sanity instead of the narcissist's. After all, why would someone say something like that if it wasn't true or if they didn't believe that it was true? But it's not about truth or logic at all. It's just a way to make you take on what the narcissist can't stand about themself. They need to transfer their disease to a new host to get the boost of insecurity/self-doubt that empowers them to stay alive. The bottom line is that it's not possible to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist because they don't want to have a healthy relationship with you. They'll never let you be their equal (much less their superior) in anything because they need to be dominant: they need to be "number one." My advice would be to get out as soon as possible, and find a way forgive yourself for the times that you caved to keep the peace because you didn't have it in you to fight that day. It wasn't you; it was them. Everything they told you about yourself was a lie that unwittingly revealed the truth about them. And in that sense, you're actually the one with all the power-and deep down, they know it. That's why they have to use other people to generate the "power" that they can't find within themselves.

[@lorrainea6177]

WOW. Awesome insight & so appreciated. Still/Ongoing time spent here putting my pieces together so I can treat myself better in the future... SEE THRU & NOT accept such a relationship in the future. Thank you! ❤️🙏❤️

[@Joy-mm3cz]

Wow. Your are so brave and courteous. You may have just given courage to someone else to cut a narcissists off.

[@Freedom-Fighter1]

So well said. I hope you find your peace and strength again.

[@Kimber-bz9fe]

Oh how I feel for you. My Mother destroyed me to the depths of hell. I am finally free & its the best choice I will ever make in my life. It takes great courage to walk away especially when it’s family. God Bless to you

[@mwloos1]

I found the number one way you can identify high narc tendencies or NPD is how they react when you have a differing opinion or disagree with them. If you find yourself afraid to disagree (after about 90 days into the relationship. Because they can hold it together in the beginning for a bit) that’s all the answer you need.

[@adriannajensen]

Thanks so much

[@Indite_Biden]

Omfg, this is literally happening to me right now and I was having a breakdown for the millionth time bc of him. Even tho he is my ex, I need to stop giving him attention and move on, he’s destroyed my self esteem!!! 😣

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

Yeah they do that, just remember to speak kindly to yourself x

[@BellabimbaXO]

Same. I blocked my ex on all social media today. It’s the only way my life is going to get better again. Maybe try that too, love! 😌✨

[@celinegracegarduque9472]

He will bring you down using your imperfections

[@puddy1603]

My first and only relationship was with a narcissist. It barely lasted a year before lockdown actually saved me by separating us and things became clear again with the help of my family. Like many others I can't believe I put up with everything, the lies, the love bombing at the start, making me cancel plans with friends, etc. I am so sad that so many people experience this. I've been put off men since then but hopefully I will soon find someone who treats me right. Thanks Matt for another insightful video.

[@mercedesperez7676]

Just on time, Matt! Just broke up with a narcissist that made me believe for 4 years we were made for each other and was constantly gaslighting my experiences in the relationship and bringing me down. I am learning a lot about this type of personality and the guilt derived from it is unbelievable. How could I ever let myself be treated like that

[@xlx077]

Girl I’m in the same boat. Once you snap out of the world they created for you, you realize so much and wonder how the hell did we let someone treat us like this let alone treat ourselves like that too

[@zetasway]

I left after 10 yrs , I thought I was blessed to have him. My codependency didn't let me see that I was getting breadcrumbs and was giving everything I had. It's tough. Since months I have lost sense of purpose and I am grieving daily but deep inside I know, I did the right thing.

[@mercedesperez7676]

@@zetasway it's ok to be sad after making the right decision. That doesn't mean it was not right

[@zetasway]

@@mercedesperez7676 exactly dear! Healing takes time.🙏

[@isabella-dw8eg]

Same! 1.5 years later and I'm still healing. It's super hard and watching Matthew helped me a lot through it! I took a promotion, bought my own house, & reconnected with an old flame. Actually, he was the reason I got out of it and we're very slowly getting to know each other all over again. Keep healing & focusing on yourself to be where you want & the healthiest version of yourself.

[@denisecasella8934]

I lived my ex for 6 yrs after I felt like I was his cook, house keeper, and errand girl. He never care about my personal needs always an accuse why he wasn't in the mood. Then I finally left after he had stated very bad, hurtful words that a love one should never say. Then I found out I have cancer and he laughed and said the way I act is the reason I got cancer. Now he left since I'm in the middle of chemo but he texts me once a week asking am I ok. I refuse to give him any information.

[@iamaleo247]

@Denise: I’m so sorry he laughed at you and said cruel things to you… mine laughed at me also, if I accidentally fell or hurt myslef. I had a kidney stone and was in major pain, he later laughed and mocked me while I was moaning in pain.😒 I couldn’t believe it. I knew I was done with him after that. I pray you are healed and doing well now.🙏🏽♥️

[@dididisaster666]

Oh my God, I heard somewhere "they won't care even if you have cancer". I'm sorry you got such an asshole, you deserve better, hope your health improves🤍

[@Angel-nk4jm]

I was with a narcissist for 11 years. Narcissist will not show their true colors early in connection. They will show subtle signs but will make sure they have you hooked first before they start breaking you. They will make sure when its good its really good so you as the source will give them the benefit of the doubt whenever they start showing their true colors (like they are only having bad day etc.)One sign they can't fake though is elevated self value like they think of them higher than everyone.(self entitlement is over the roof). I like how you guys mentioned that its not that they do not have empathy they just value themselves more than others and some even like exploiting empathy just because they know how to.

[@emilytaylor1001]

Same here, 12 years with covert narcissist.

[@lamentate07]

Yeah they do. Love bombing is the first sign. That happens early. They abuse you from the beginning, well before you enter devaluation.

[@bethanychristensen200]

They think your weak for having emotions and use it against you.

[@dpharrison7]

They use what you told them against you to tear you down instead of uplifting you

[@vivianejones4452]

Everyone has narcissistic traits. People who are successful in business actually score higher on narcissism tests than others so there's an aspect of narcissism that we, as a culture, find attractive and probably see as confidence. True narcissists are different. I think the greatest downside of our over-labeling is a minimizing, lack of understanding, and compassion for those affected by true narcissists.

[@nikajsify]

So true. I read somewhere that only a very small % of people are true ncts yet all of a sudden everyone has an ex that was one. Dunno...I look at some of these ppl and they seem pretty blind about their own nasty traits, no wonder the relationship brought up the worst sides of both of them

[@lamentate07]

@@nikajsify Because the whole diagnostic approach is flawed. It's based only on personal suffering ,not whether suffering is caused to others. The actual percentage of people with the full blown disorder is estimated as being much higher than 1-2% now.

[@afoley2812]

Narcissists are image conscious and obsessed with self-beautification. Most people are narcissistic to a degree, including people who refer to themselves as "empaths." The slang term for a female narcissist is another term for a female dog. Curiously there isn't a specific slang term for a male narcissist.

[@lamentate07]

@@afoley2812 There is no slang term for a female narcissist, at least not one that is part of the common vernacular. I've spent a countless number of hours on KZbin, various forums etc, looking up female narcissism, and I haven't come across a single term used for them that separates them from male narcissists. Narcissists who are obsessed with their image/beauty are somatic.

[@windysmith7367]

It is a spectrum and some are very high on the spectrum without technically being diagnosed as NPD. Keep in mind, the number is small because very few people with NPD go in for therapy so it’s based on only those that have officially been seen and diagnosed. Just think of all those who are untreated and never seen. 75% of narcissists are males and most are not going to go to therapy. Also, it takes a special practitioner to diagnose and work with an NPD patient. The field is still evolving. They are known to manipulate therapists.

[@sp6990]

So true!! I married a Narc and then after we divorced I stayed single two years to build back up bc I left him the house and everything we had just to get out. Then I found someone who I thought was completely different but ended up being the same way 🤦‍♀️ altogether 10 years wasted and so much suffering. Wish I had known about narcs sooner.

[@emilytaylor1001]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I had relationship with narc for 2 years and then another one for 12 years. Currently single for 19 months. Learning and healing ♥️

[@Joy-mm3cz]

That’s why I’m still single after my 20+ marriage to a narcissistic. Have you read the book “ why does he do that”. It’s a very heavy read and may have triggers for you.

[@merlinsvdd]

Great topic. I think, i have dealt with someone with narcissistic traits and tendencies. Gave him a chance in 2020 and blocked him again in october 2021. He was worse the 2nd time, i blocked him. But i still miss the love bombing phase, though. It feels lonely but i know i did the right thing. Thanks be to god, i came out alive.

[@kristinaveirum]

A narcissist is so grandiose. They’re egotists and every time you compliment and praise them, you just feed that ego and it’s like a drug to them. An awesome thing to do when he comes to you when he’s made a big accomplishment is to just say, that’s great or good for you etc. Don’t praise them and feed their ego by putting them on a pedestal. The most brilliant in my opinion is to over praise them. Tell them how brilliant, impressive and genius they did on the job or an assignment for example, and that no one will be able to do that or accomplish that. That will freak them sooo much out and they will panic inside, because then they don’t know what they can do to over accomplish what they just did. So now they really have to prove that they can overdo the best of the best they’ve already done.

[@Sophie-uc8vp]

Autonomy and confidence as a threat to a narcissist is an angle I'd not yet come across. An interesting thing I've read recently is that those with narcissist tendencies are easier to spot than those with narcissist personality disorder who are harder to spot as they are so manipulative and very good at flying under the radar until its too late.

[@user-wn4vp8qy8b]

ض

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

They believe their own lies!!!

[@user-wn4vp8qy8b]

@@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light اللغه العربيه الحروف الانجليزيه مافهم

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

@@user-wn4vp8qy8b ? Sorry I don't know your language.....but thankyou x

[@user-wn4vp8qy8b]

@@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light يالليلل الانجليزيه لا فهم

[@jeancooper7953]

Holly crap!!! This so dead on!!! Having dated multiple narcissist do varying degrees as a recovering codependent. I now love, respect, and honor myself enough at 65 yrs old. I’m a living testament that one can overcome childhood sexual abuse.

[@sylviacortes01]

This is one of the best, if not the best, video on narcissism I have seen. It is explained beautifully with a love and kindness for those that might be realizing they are currently in this very dark situation. Thank you so much for putting this out there. You have really explained this very clearly. This information will help many.

[@51844mj]

Not really I have seen better videos on KZbin you just gatta look up Sam vaknin videos on narcissist abuse. Explained it by detail.

[@sylviacortes01]

@@51844mj That's why I said it was the best video I have seen. Not the best video ever.... It was my opinion.

[@elle_87]

That last part really hit home. It’s worse for them to say they understand and then not change it. They have no concept of being outside of self

[@lalaacosta4818]

I have been trying to rebuild my whole entire self from the ground up ever since I had my encounter with a narcissist. It is not easy at all. I don't have tons of money for therapy or doctors but in some way I had to find it in myself to move forward and heal. This is absolutely one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with in my entire life. I pray for anyone else who has been here before or who is here now. Know that you will always be better than any of the disgusting things they have put you through, and that you can come back from this better than when you met them. I'm not there yet either, but I know I am stronger than he ever will be, because I don't need to hurt others to feel good about myself ❤️💯

[@jamesling9243]

I was with someone who I suspect of being a narc for 2 years. She never apologized, told me every fight was my fault, accepted nothing less than total acceptance of her arguments or else it wasn’t “resolved”. She grew to hate me more and more with every disagreement. For every nice thing she said she insulted me 9 times. I spent a week figuring out how to tell her that I was in pain from this and I was so scared of her reaction. As expected she lit into me when I told her that I was in pain and asking for help. I grew to be frantic when she asked a question because it would irritate her if I didn’t respond quick enough. I stumbled over my words as I was always on egg shells not to set her off. During that time I lost all respect for myself. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I did everything I could to keep it alive until finally she told me she would be happier with someone else. Even after that I was willing to try a break with her but in reality that was just a lie to help her through the phase of time between me and the guy she slept with at her Christmas party. I still miss her. I still don’t feel whole. But I know that I almost lost my soul in that relationship. And maybe I’m spiritually an amputee, but at least I’m alive.

[@rhondamaza8598]

I didn’t realize I was with a narcissist. I use to always say “Everything is not about you.”

[@elarisa10]

I feel so free and happy! My intuition never fails me.

[@GS-nh4dy]

Good insight and wisdom, Matt. You said a key thing, that TIME is the true test. And yes, they lack empathy - that's why they target empaths - they want what we have. I was almost hoovered in by the love bombing, but I started noticing the disparity between their words vs actions and lack of accountability about their past, and I was done. As an empath, I felt badly about feeling like I discarded someone, but it was more about awareness and discernment, that this person was just acting and going through the motions of trying to hoover someone (me!) in.

[@mrsamzambrano5740]

The two to tango remark is so true. It’s not anyone else’s responsibility to be who we want. But our responsibility to see they are not. Painting red flags white because of having fun is just the first of many ways the narcassist will emotional manipulate your feelings. When someone produces happiness you crave it and do what it takes for it to continue. So when the bad shows up your already hooked. And of course the positive reinforcement intermidely keeps you hooked too. Good boundaries from the beginning keep someone from being able to emotionally manipulate you as easy.

[@yeyabi]

I was raised by a narcissist for 18 years, and have had such a hard time dating because it normalized manipulative, narcissistic, toxic behaviours deep into my core. I've had to un-learn some narcissistic traits myself, but overwhelmingly the biggest hurdle was learning that in a healthy relationship I should not expect to be gas-lit, love-bombed, or to have my needs or boundaries disregarded just because they are inconvenient for the other person. I should actually matter, because I do (still working on believing that). I truly didn't know that I could expect consistent care from anyone, so I found myself allowing other people in even after they showed me that they weren't good for me (narcissist or not). But in my last relationship, I was finally able to feel safe enough to set boundaries -- and while they were still met defensively and aggressively, I finally knew what it meant. They either can't or don't want to show care in ways that I need but it doesn't matter which. So instead of forcing myself to stay and be uncomfortable or trying to force someone else to change I finally left. I know it's still going to be a learning process in future relationships because my self esteem is very low, but I'm really hopeful that if I can continue to advocate for myself and not place my worth in other people while focusing on doing things that make myself happy for once I can get there. I'm grateful to all the online creators, coaches, therapists who are able to share different perspectives on narcissists and abuse because it's been very eye opening!

[@emilytaylor1001]

Same here ♥️

[@victoriarosario3338]

I feel like you're talking about my life.

[@zazu3006]

same here..! u told also very much my story. i possibly just started seeing this guy with narc traits.. so came here to remind myself of what sanity is and that total 180 degrees change into disrespect and disregard to how i feel after few months of total bliss n perfect communication is either another narc, narc traits or just an asshole and to keep moving stay strong people

[@Sky10811]

Hugs

[@IEVAKambarovaite]

13:31 *It's easier to say someone's a narcissist than come to terms that they were not that interested in you.* Boom! This one hit the right spot. I think these days people are called narcissistic too easily. Sometimes it's just someone drawing clear boundaries or just not being that into you. I think the more you work on building your confidence, less likely you're to attract a narcissistic person. Let's focus on that instead of diagnosing everyone who didn't respond to your text as narcissistic.

[@tempestadiamore1]

Agree, but there's a fine line between not showing interest by not answering and using the other person for pushing your own insecurities.

[@joannaskwirska5760]

Yeah...You are perfectly right...all this "narcissists' topics" jumping up from everywhere made me assumed that probably Im the one of them ....then I realized that I just keep my boundries after leaving kind of toxic relationship...where the person was so dependent on me that I started feeling like his mom...I just wanted to be a partner with my feminin energy...not a perfect problem solver.Now from outside it looks like Im a selfish ....... .The fact is I just resign to be a shoulder to carry somebodys extra large bag of life,existance and mental problems.

[@himiaamaliah]

There is nothing wrong with your statement. But let us speak and share awareness about NPD itself. So we can save empathic person from being manipulated by narc

[@51844mj]

you just gatta look up Sam vaknin videos on narcissist abuse. Explained it by detail.

[@KEOSHAANEILIA]

It sounds like you don’t know enough yet about narcissism or narcissistic abuse. Not being into someone doesn’t have anything at all to do with actual abuse.

[@staceystroynywalls8294]

That concept where you get the approval mixed in with the taking down is called intermittent reinforcement. It's crucial in the formation of the trauma bond.

[@danatc]

Thank you for that! Yes trauma bonded!!

[@gigibtsurvivor3348]

Cognitive empathy vs. emotional empathy. They can fake empathy.

[@user-ee5om8wy7u]

Having a good time, sweet talk, and super friendly chit-chats (even for years) IS NOT equal to being friends. We mistake sweetness for friendship or love until again and again we get unexpectedly stabbed in the back or discover betrayal and fakeness of our friends/partners. Lesson learned : you don't discover true friends in good &sweet times. You only discover your true friends in hard times, which is when you have strong conflict of interests! How you negotiate your conflicting interests with another will show you everything about the person's intentions.

[@gigibtsurvivor3348]

Unpredictability: intermittent reinforcement

[@mazbarth]

Thanks guys for attempting to address this issue. As a surviver of a long marriage to a narc man, it is WAY worse than you were able to address. He was able to play nice for almost two years before we moved in together & got married. After we did, the nightmare began almost immediately! Again, it's way worse than you presented!

[@urketovoremarilynnsanchez7636]

I left my Alcholic ex months ago. I'm finally reflecting on the love bombs and all the low self confidence he instilled in me.

[@amberm5626]

Please don't ever say "It takes two to tango " ! Especially when it's possible you're speaking to people who have been entangled with a narcissist. The very fact that they manipulate, gaslight and essentially turn their victims brain into scrambled eggs makes it difficult to break free after even in some cases a short period of time. Trauma bonding is terrible. The "Tango" was a lie. The dance was between two people who were NOT dancing to the same tune! Yes after healing one will hold themselves accountable for not being aware of the red flags. It takes a very long time to recover from these dynamics. The info you've shared is appreciated, however the "It takes two to tango" is totally inappropriate in these situations imho.

[@1foreverhopeful]

Also- there are hotlines to call if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship with a narcissist. The hotline will provide support and resources to understand abuse dynamics and hopefully get free. It's hard to get away from them once attached. You can't change them!! My lovely, caring, intelligent friend married one. He threatens suicide when she tries to leave. The hotline has been helpful for me in being a friend to my abused friend. They've shared what's helpful what to avoid etc. Just a listening ear on this intensely traumatic topic.

[@oliveknaus]

Agreed

[@amberm5626]

@@1foreverhopeful May your friend come to realize that even threatening suicide (a control tactic) is also emotional abuse and find an escape to safety. 🙏

[@1foreverhopeful]

@@amberm5626 Thank you! I share this as a cautionary tale to people out there. Her husband is a handsome dentist. Friends and family have tried to help her with no luck. My friend knows it's emotional abuse even was in a support group. She's an intelligent woman- a teacher. A lover of people- a bright ray of sunshine. And she stays with him- eventhough it could cost her life. SPARE YOURSELF, FRIENDS AND FAMILY HEARTACHE- AVOID NARCISSISTS!!!!

[@emilytaylor1001]

I had lived with covert narcissist for 12 years. I was hoping he will change, but he never did. He also threatened me with suiciede. I managed to go no contact. Currently learning and healing.♥️

[@mariathomaides4098]

I think there is a big difference between someone who does not care and a narcissist. Narcissists are malicious people who do things on purpose to hurt you. The person who does not care may be indifferent but not mean.

[@magdalenafijalkowska9251]

5:33 Obsession with control... so well explained! Thank you

[@turtle19dad]

How about cameras everywhere? Knowing all your passwords? Being accused of cheating when you are at a mandatory class for work or if someone is late coming home from work? Or even leaving for work early? Asking for a friend.

[@mynewlife1911]

Toxic people definitely end up making you feel like a burden and that you’re somehow this awful person. Don’t fall for their tricks. You are not a burden and you are not an awful person, you’re quite lovely kind fun easy going and a gift to this world. Take good care of yourself❤

[@valeriejanssen7132]

Lee Hammock also helps people and victims. He's got NPD in treatment

[@goesknows]

#9 the dazzling.... I actually think we narcissists will ask you plenty of questions and want to know all about you on those first dates, deeper questions than most might ask. About your childhood, your upbringing, your family, your past relationships etc ... we want to know what your why is. What makes you tick.... so yes, you can walk away from that great first date AND they will have asked plenty of questions and prob even listened the majority of the time.

[@snoozyq9576]

Yea that confused me because you're right that they sometimes do that as well. I guess both methods can be used by narcissists

[@meganwrightson4649]

They change over night almost once you get married..and the grief process is much like that of a death-you have to grieve this person that never existed and you have to forgive yourself for ignoring the signs because at the end of the day “it takes two to tango” and you played a part in excusing the behavior

[@lizzibizzi7901]

Ben Taylor does great content. He is really good at explaining every aspect of narcissism and also the thoughts, aims and tactics of a narcissist. As somebody who dated a diagnosed narcissist, I think he describes everything very understandable and helpful.

[@caralinecollett5068]

'ignoring your needs' I think when its narcissist its when really clear physical needs are expressed, like 'I need to eat soon' and then they just keep leading you away from eating solutions, faffing about and refusing to go to a place you can eat.