The (Black) Community is dead.

[@ForHarriet619]

Come to my Dallas Christmas Party! 💕 www.kimberlynfoster.com/merch/kimberlys-litmas-party Join the Patreon 💕 patreon.com/forharriet

[@Shalondria]

I so wish it. But I suck b/c I'm in FL.

[@The_House_Velaryon]

I'm a black man and I would really like to have a conversation with you to help clarify and correct some of the misconceptions that you have about us.

[@aliviablount]

Being a decent community member is actually rewarding and it is weird that people don’t care about that

[@BillieB.]

That's exactly what I'm saying 😂

[@harrytimmy5070]

Right. Like I find it quite disturbing how the black community just tolerates dysfunction. It's weird

[@Momdrogynous]

I agree with this.

[@aliviablount]

@@harrytimmy5070 yeah. I think social commentary and the internet toxicity has caused people to model really bad behavior, especially men. I feel like other communities have standards of behavior and norms that most people try to follow and when they don't there is someone to call it out, but for some reason there are so few people in the black community calling out bad behavior.

[@harrytimmy5070]

@@aliviablount and let a black woman say that she has standards and expectations for herself; she'll be called everything but a child of God. It's like we're supposed to just tolerate and appreciate the bare minimum given to us and when we get tired of struggling we're gaslight. I'm so glad black women are waking up and actively seeking better for ourselves.

[@ChrisBrooks34]

One of the worst things about capitalism or capitalist ideology is that it makes life a zero sum game. You will only benefit if someone else loses and someone else will only benefit if you lose. There is no such thing as reciprocity or helping for helping sake. Sometimes you don't get something material and that's OK

[@tehutimaatworld]

So true. Sadly that conditioning leaves people feeling pleasure from seeing people lose even when they don’t gain anything at all. SMH

[@jordanjohnson9866]

Nah. Not “There is no such thing as reciprocity or helping for helping sake.” /

[@HelenaIsis616]

I truly believe children are one of the most marginalized groups in society, especially Black children. Society knows we need children to continue the human race, but we really don’t truly like/love them.

[@SadeWatkins]

🎯🎯

[@mewmew6158]

YES! I love that so many people have started talking about children being an oppressed group!

[@KarmenAli]

This times a thousand!!!

[@Irini-k2f]

I would add more to that. Marginalized groups in our society don't include only children...they include elders too. I believe many times they get neglected and without proper care or even abused.

[@tryingtobemd-phd3262]

I am so happy we are recognized children as an oppressed class

[@ohmaimai3511]

This has been one of the hardest parts for me assimilating into American culture as an adult African immigrant. Community isn't even defined well here let alone operated within.

[@Alicialaucirica]

Because it's a mess here. Just make your money and stay in your own lane the right people will come regardless of "community"

[@allcitychessclub13]

@@Alicialaucirica That's fucking false.

[@theblackdaria_]

That’s because we live in an individualized mindset society that puts ALL responsibility on the individual.

[@gemain609]

The culture of community I got from my African Igbo heritage was traumatizing. It was (and continues to be) one of adults having feelings of entitlement for having had kids and cementing abusive practices in the rearing if those kids that were amplified if the methods were questioned. Barely any room was given or even attempted to acknowledge children as individuals with likes and interests save for what could be utilized toward markers of success so I missed out on a lot of self-actualization for the sake of meeting expectation. All that to say that there's something to be said of toxic community. So much has been broken by capitalism and it's definition of success and EVERY social system in all parts of the globe have been impacted

[@13579hee]

@@gemain609 imo all of what you described is the same in the Black American community (and tbh in other communities tbh). People love to act like America is the only fucked up place with a fucked up culture but its not lol

[@angelr5694]

"Everyone is so lonely but they're not seeing the correlation between them being lonely and amending their community" - that part Kimberly that part.

[@jordanjohnson9866]

Nah. Not Everyone is so lonely. Not “Everyone is so lonely. Not “Everyone is so lonely.” /

[@alphapimp0073]

There was never a black community

[@PrettyPrincess9609]

I’m honestly tired of the black community blaming the victim and not holding the abuser accountable. My mom abused me verbally and physically and instead of my family asking why she would abuse her own child my own brother called me selfish for cutting her off and my grandma said I had to talk to her. I was also told well she was abused and had a terrible childhood too. That’s no excuse to abuse your child. I told my mother to get help and she never listened. By the way, her boyfriend also m word me and she failed to protect me. Also I was blamed for being SA’d by my guy friend at the time even by my own mother who told me I should have never invited him to my room. I was also told by other people that I was “ lying “ and I was “ trying to bring a black man down “. Even the police didn’t believe me and told me “ boys will be boys “ and asked me “ if it’s not a sex thing we do “. I never got justice for what he did to me. Some of us didn’t grow up in a healthy loving family like you. I grew up in a poor toxic abusive family. We were homeless for two years when she lost her job. My father wasn’t in my life either. The only one who was in my corner was my grandfather and my family treated him like the bad guy and he unfortunately passed away. The people that were suppose to love me abused me or abandoned me. To me, we have NO community.

[@yazzy6860]

😢❤🫂 I’m so sorry that happened to you. I wasn’t protected either and the perpetrators were in the “community”. There’s no community

[@treelee4214]

Im sorry that that happened to you. How do you feel about children and creating a community around you?

[@ToriUptown]

this is a lot to deal with. i hope you have the resources to start working on the trauma and pain it caused.

[@scj3188]

I agree with you 100%. The black community is highly dysfunctional in many ways. I hope that you can find healing from the trauma.

[@AminaPhilosophy]

I think we should stop giving birth. For the women who do want children, kudos to them. Unfortunately, this society is demonic. The men are useless, the women are mean to each other due to male worship. It’s time for this race to dry up. Otherwise, accept being the permanent underclass and cattle class…reproducing to simply feed others.

[@RachelSeun]

I know I am in the minority but I will still leave a comment. I know the traumas that I went through when it came to community as a child of a low income single parent household, feeling like a burden and a bastard stepchild to relatives/family friends because I had an inconsistent father and a mother who couldn’t afford to look after me. In my adult years, my mother is now quick to emotional blackmail me and remind me daily that I owe her financially after “all the sacrifices” she has made. I know why I don’t want children and why I don’t want them to be brought up in a community that hasn’t changed (I know everyone’s experience is different)

[@acfmisc]

How does that make you feel about the children already in your community?

[@lovingme974]

@@acfmisc are we supposed to put aside trauma we've experienced to care for the children in our community? Hate to go back to the point, but we decided not to procreate for our own reasons.

[@seeyoucu]

This is a valid perspective. I think folks for sure need to be sincerely vetted. But after that I do think Kim is right in saying that, if you have kids, there is just no way to raise them on your own successfully. Perhaps it's important to foster community earlier than we think. Good thought-provoking comment

[@acfmisc]

@@lovingme974 that was a question about how you feel about it, not an entreatment to change your behavior or do anything in particular.

[@Psalm2Charity]

I feel you on this. While I agree with this video’s premise that community is the backbone of a kind world, I think part of this analysis comes from a place of privilege-i.e, growing up stable, and not experiencing severe abuse that is enabled by the entire community. Also being part of a somewhat functional community or family system in the first place.

[@ashdacraft]

How come the topic of community or a village ONLY comes up in the vein of children? Some of our neighbors and peers need an adult sense of community more than ever in these times.

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

Exactly. Like it took y’all this long to figure out there’s a serious breakdown happening? This is generations in the making. I’m a grown ass adult and have no children or husband. Who got me? Who is helping me? Who is there for me when I need someone to lean on? Nobody. In fact, they’re looking to me for cash or as a babysitter.

[@ashdacraft]

@@ninagrace-lee8323 FELT. Because same. It’s like I’m basically left to partner up if I want to secure any type of help because I know I can’t depend on any type of community let alone assistance. Same community will be very quick to remind you that you made the choice to never have kids or get married so you’re not really seen when it comes to access to help in times of crisis.

[@cbpd89]

You make a good point, and that is pretty emblematic of a lack of community. A strong community looks out for each other, including children and adults. It shouldn't be just you helping with other people's kids and those people in turn do nothing for you, and it's clear from the comments that is a common experience.

[@ParisLeShea]

This has always bothered me, especially as a Black woman in the early education field. We HAVE TO be each other’s community on behalf of children especially black children because no one else is looking out for them.

[@ParisLeShea]

@@mizztx19 I believe that all children should be loved and cared for. I know so many adults have trauma that began in childhood. It’s a critical period of development and one of the few that can have a lifetime of impact if not addressed. That means taking care of ourselves so that we can show up for our children in the ways they deserve. It means taking protections for yourself if you don’t want to have children. It means calling out abuse and neglect when we see it, regardless of which family member is doing it. It means taking accountability and a self assessment of our lack and actively working on improving ourselves. No one should be required to show up as their best selves everyday. But children don’t get to choose who brings them into the world. They are vulnerable and deserve to be protected.

[@delle3955]

Keep up the good work my fellow educator!❤ It’s a labor of love and it sure takes the rest of our community to support all of our children.

[@leejones7439]

Why do you expect someone else to look after your children?? That is a victim mentality. I was raised by a single mother and no one helped her. She worked all day to support us with NO government assistance. The 'community' was not responsible for us, she was.

[@Dangerous_Peace]

And what about those of us who were made mini moms as teenagers and preteens which contributes to why some of us don't want to have kids now. I would never mistreat children no matter if they are mines or not. But what I don't appreciate is this forced idea that you should feel obligated to take care of kids that aren't yours when you didn't sign up to have children in the first place. People should be allowed to decide how they're going to play their part in the community.

[@dahliar410]

A mini mom would be you going to work to support the child and protecting the child, which isn’t what you were doing I’m sure. Nothing wrong with helping out with siblings you can form strong bonds doing that.

[@alanekek]

@@dahliar410 no. Very ignorant response, it takes more than providing to raise a child. Older kids should not be expected to help you raise your kids. Nobody asked to be born so handle your own responsibilities.

[@theamateurconnoisseur]

@@alanekekExactly. That response was ignorant af @dahliar410 . There are people who have no idea how forcing your child to be a mini mom places the responsibility of “protecting” at the forefront. This segues into financial support from a young age (and many times well into adulthood). I think it’s this expectation coupled with how many years of sacrificing one’s own childhood-and later teenage years-that fosters a lot of trauma and resentment later on. I think the OP feels the way many others do when they come to terms with their experience and how they now have reservations about stepping into this role again.

[@sj3969]

@@dahliar410 I never got to have a childhood. I enjoy working and taking care of myself, I did not enjoy being made into a parent. It’s disgusting how you would try to over speak people who lived it

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

I agree. A lot of people’s version of community is having single black woman (who are that way by choice) help BW who made poor reproductive choices. Not my fault. I did everything I knew to stay childless. I got the degree. I got the job. I didn’t get help bc that’s reserved for the single mothers. Nobody has our backs but us. The forgotten ones. So we need to rethink this supposed “community” idea if the result is me taking care of someone else’s kids. Bc that’s a financial burden I simply don’t agree to take on

[@cawknee]

Uh oh! The call out is here! 👏🏾 🗣 0:54 still watching… but honestly. How did any of us get here? Community is the backbone of resistance and progress. It reminds me of the African proverb- If you want to go quickly go alone. If you want to go far go together.

[@VictoriaAntonetti]

You are such a beautiful person! I remember the McDonald's video and I remember commenting and getting pushback for just saying that they're kids and they deserve that kindness. I have been poor for most of my life and being a poor child, I personally the kindness of adults can be life changing. I'm so glad people like you and so many in the comments exist. It's what made me not want to give up as a child when I didn't have enough to eat or supplies for school or just any time I lacked basic resources.

[@shreehill9641]

People told me I was mammying bc I said I’d feed the kids due to the community aspect

[@13579hee]

Poverty is a root cause of this. People lacking wealth (& power) are chasing it. Poverty creates trauma and a lot of folks have sadly been in "community" with users and abusers because they were too poor to go it alone and find a community that was safe for they .... they end up resenting the idea of helping cause it brings back memories of being wronged. This hardens their hearts and the cycle continues (tbh users and abusers are traumatized too...its why they do what they do).

[@shakirasmith6454]

This a million times! I know me being hyper independent is a trauma response, yet I have never been “helped” by someone who didn’t also take that opportunity to abuse me.

[@ChakaKhanian]

Always look at the reason why some are no longer/less active in the 'black community.' For me, I am not as active as I used to be and pulling back has been less stressful and more peaceful. There's a limit to my activism and I am not ashamed to say that. As someone who is childfree and has volunteered, given, been a part of organizations, tried being a mentor, an inspiration, etc., to those in and outside of my family, I came to realize I was stressing myself out over humans I had no claim to. Then dealing with the parents who have expectations of you that they don't even expect of themselves gets tiring. I have decided if it stresses me out, I am out. I do believe parents have a greater responsibility than the 'community' in rearing their children. How could they not when they are the ones who literally brought them in whatever possible chaos they are in? I really wish people took a wholistic look at themselves and their possible lack of a village and thought critically vs emotionally prior to bringing black children here because that's the least black children deserve.

[@thedjshow0528]

🎯

[@VegitoBlackk]

The culture needs a reset to correct itself . I think the next big war will force many people to step back and think rationally or lose what they have

[@barbarasimmons531]

This! I was just having this conversation with a friend of mine. It's like we're making more money and definitely have more modern luxuries but, it seems like that comes at the expense of community. Nobody lives close to family or close friends anymore. Most of us had to move away either for job opportunities or more affordable housing but, it's left us with no village. I was just thinking about how simple summers use to be for kids. You use to drop your kids off at grandma's house and they played outside with their cousins all day long. Now you're spending thousands of dollars on summer camps and activities to prevent them from being in front of a tablet all day long. We now have to pay for the support that use to be the "village" It really sucks!

[@xoxo_kiyla]

I think this is the biggest piece of it. I recognized this a while ago and decided I'd have to move back to my hometown before I settled and had children. It was so hard to maintain community in LA because everyone was always moving in or out and we were all so spread out.

[@unerevuese]

I thank all the adults who cared about me even when I was a little asshole as a teen. I would not be the person I am today without them.

[@thedjshow0528]

Okay‼️❤️

[@MISSMADISONMEDIA]

I care so deeply about babies and that’s why I want parents to think seriously about their reality before bringing them into this world. Black women and men are treated crappy in our society, as you said. We should be able to receive help, of course! Every parent does. But if you’re *relying* on it, then that seems like a shaky foundation to start a family on. I truly don’t think this should be so controversial… I don’t want to feed into this baby mama/ baby daddy thing frankly. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Kids deserve consistency and familiarity and the feeling of being completely wanted and prepared for! It’s silly to pretend that having a baby with your bf of 1 year is stable enough for that 😭 Please!!! It’s not out of bitterness or personal bias. I just think there are some situations that are more ideal than others. And if we pretend parenting is a one size fits all (i.e. “you wanted a kid and now you’re pregnant and we’re happy because that’s all that matters”), it’s a very slippery slope. Should we start condoning kids having kids, etc? Like where do we draw the line? I think it’s okay to ask people to choose the BEST possible situation for their kids before deciding to have them. That isn’t hate or racism.. it’s just being real and advocating for good childhoods.

[@MISSMADISONMEDIA]

But anyway this is still my fav channel and I always appreciate your insight Ms. Kimberly!!

[@merbish]

I def feel you/agree on advocating your pov BEFORE a child arrives but if a child comes and the parents aren’t ready we have to throw that thinking out and rally behind the new family and support them so they can step up to the task.

[@BladexZero12]

@@merbish but what if they dont stop their childish behavior after becoming a parent? resources are limited unfortunately, so how can we rally behind people that dont want to practice safe sex when they arent ready for kids (or more kids)? i literally know people that have 4-5 kids before they're even 25. they didn't have the means to support their first child, let alone the others. they were warned about having more after the first child. how can we support them if we dont condone their actions? helping those individuals feels as if we're condoning the behavior that got them into their predicaments. supporting them feels especially distasteful when its after things you advised against

[@acfmisc]

A lot of this is a reflection of the deterioration of institutions in general, which is happening across the US. No one is going to church, social clubs, NAACP meetings, etc. anymore, so there really isn’t an opportunity to develop those community connections outside of our families anymore.

[@Alexis-wp7tf]

I think a lot of people do crave community tho, its just that the community they crave is self-serving. It is absolutely true no one is joining groups that you named, which are to promote community and advance the whole.

[@kathleenking47]

NAACP was rather useless, when they didn't back C DELORES Tucker. She brought up the dangers of gsngstah Rap on the community, but they said NOTHING NEITHER JESSE OR AL. who were SUPPOSED to be PASTORS😔🤨😫

[@acfmisc]

@@kathleenking47 oh lord. It was just an example.

[@carrington2949]

@@kathleenking47 That was a bad call. However you cannot ignore all of the other strides the organization had a hand in throughout its history.

[@klassycountryk]

The main issues is some organizations shielded known predators or "overlooked" certain things but called it out when a different person did it. I currently attend a church that is predominantly Black and I see how people want to genuinely build community and fellowship especially since most of us are transplants. Granted, my childhood church was filled with mainly relatives, but weird church egos.

[@Coastpsych_fi99]

You get to chose your own community and how you engage with them. I’m a loner, burnout and dealing with trauma. Right now I don’t really want more than a few people and to be hidden faraway. I can’t deal with stress and ruining my mental health. I love babies but I’m not interested in parenting anyone and I have never been able to rest or enjoy growing up.

[@jadamaze]

My issue with the kids situation they never ask a dude to baby sit or do anything pertaining kids or they’ll overly abuse the helping hand they got especially if you don’t have kids. Some people just be having kids just be having kids ( a lot of them at that) and then dump the kids on the grandma...

[@darkwriter_xx94]

I agree! A lot of this communal labor and raising is usually done by women.

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

Exactly. People feel entitled to women’s labor. Imagine being in your 60s and 70s taking care of someone else’s kids when yours are grown! Nobody asked you if you’d be down to do that kind of work before they got pregnant. I’m just saying, people are really abusing generations of women and being like “but we’re FAMILY, you have to help.” Nah I’m good

[@racsis3504]

@@ninagrace-lee8323 agreed but we're family hit to the core

[@bambieb2177]

@@darkwriter_xx94 or young/adolescent/teen girls. Most girls were their family maternal figure before even having their own kids. Mom the siblings, cousins, and sometimes dads/uncles. Let kids be kids and stop forcing them to raise your kids. And some have the gumption to call it a lesson. NOT IT’S NOT. It’s a stolen childhood put only on girls. Boys grow up and still can’t do any household chores. Because they were playing outside or playing video games. You have these poor baby girls being moms their whole lives to their whole families. Then you would why they don’t want no dam n kids of their own.

[@SuperSpectrom]

@@bambieb2177 When boys or men are interested in nurturing children they are deemed feminine or possibly perverted. Those men become jaded and aloof because they were targeted for being "different". This is a vicious cycle.

[@Dangerous_Peace]

As a woman who has been an aunt since I was 10 years old I am all about supporting the community but it is very unfair to others for people to decide to have children knowing that they're not in the position to have them or financially take care of them and then to scold people who decide they don't want kids and also don't want to have to take care of children that aren't theirs. It is very unfair. We're all going to take care of our parents. Does that mean the person who looked out for numerous children in the community will have someone guaranteed to look out for them, likely no. Nobody wants to talk about that part though. Let those of us who don't have children decide how we play our part in the community, there shouldn't be a guilt trip about this.

[@lovingme974]

thank you.

[@blackwomentoday]

Yes that needs to be said because a lot of black women do step up to be “surrogate baby daddies” (as I heard another KZbin creator say). A job that is probably the most thankless in the community. And these same that depend on you to take care of their kids don’t want to hear anything about how they’re raising their kids (criticism, feedback, suggestions). We’re basically given too much of the burden and *none* of the benefits, it’s a thankless job and you really have to be very to receive nothing in return for doing it -but if you choose to it’s definitely noble.

[@kayjones3187]

I agree with this message as a child free woman I know longer want to be in that position anymore . It's exhausting and I do feel guilty about , but it's too much

[@whitneyyoung3061]

You make a very good point, and I think we need to talk about how we aren’t looking out for each other. If a person is caring for numerous children in the community, it is the responsibility of the adults in the community to show the youth how to care for that person. When I was young my church had a ministry to go visit people who were elderly or sick and “shut-in”. My family made a point to visit our sick and/or elderly family or When I was young I didn’t always appreciate doing these visits. However, it taught me that we have an obligation to care for each other. It showed me what community really looks like. I think this is something we’ve forgotten how to do. I don’t think anyone should be guilt tripped into taking care of other people or other people’s kids. I do think we should be talking about what we “owe” to people that helped care for us when we couldn’t care for ourselves.

[@kathleenking47]

However, community is supposed to be RUN by MEN women are the nurturers

[@zee-zm1io]

I started to realise the men in our community frame the idea of community as women and children being in service to them. It's been dead a long time and BW have been carrying it on our backs. I honestly think black women are tired. They aint trying to baby sit or any of that. I think we mostly have to learn how give of ourselves in healthier ways than the martyrdom of previous years.

[@marie-francoiset9402]

yes THIS.

[@zee-zm1io]

@@MrMeToo-fh7pe The outcomes of men in those communities is far better. They have tangible benefits to what they put in. We are in service to dead weight largely.

[@zee-zm1io]

@@MrMeToo-fh7pe wow…ok. It’s like talking to a child.. To explain how your comment shows your arrested development would be a waste of my time. All the best

[@chinazorokeke5248]

☝🏾💯

[@misscameroun237]

Community may be dead because of the capitalistic idea of a unit and individualism but community must be rethought because well… the women are tired. There I said it. And YES we need each other. YES we need solidarity. But also… communities have been sustained on the back of women. And sometimes it is labor. Cooking, planning the BBQ, the holidays, the trips and co, going to the groceries stores. Everyone is exhausted nowadays.

[@mstaylor1073]

Hopefully this means we can collectively find a new way and not abandon the community, I agree but sometimes I think maybe train the boys up to help out more, take more breaks, do what ever we need to keep going

[@lisah8438]

I love individualism. I prefer it. Yes I do think their should be a balance but stay out of my way. I can live in a community but still be an individual.

[@EecoHeartGlow]

"People who are mentally well, create strong communities" love that statement

[@Thed538dhsk]

In the digital age, a lot of people have been isolated from physical communities and see physical communities as useless due to maybe lacking it themselves

[@kimberlycourts1232]

I think the lack of boundaries and the lack of respect of other ppl boundaries is the reason why so many are, “those are YOUR kids..” ALOT of ppl were in situations where they were made the default babysitter. No questions asked. You have ALOT of ppl who witnessed their family members constantly have baby after baby despite not being able to properly provide for the first one. And because they don’t want to see a kid on the street, they give and give. It ultimately causes resentment because why would you have another one. Or better yet, he/she showed you their ass wayyyy before the baby even came. We are all a community after the baby is here, but it’s fuck you mind yo business when I say, “hey this is not a good situation, he ain’t shit sis…” I think a lot of us are so use that dynamic. We should one ask ppl if they want to be in our community and then ask them how they want to contribute. We lack hella boundaries. And we are in a new time. We are traveling more, moving out of state, we realize 40+ is not old. Yes I agree it takes more then the parents. But the home life between the parents matter. And yes life happens, job lost, mental illness/medical illness development. Life is real. So a strong community is needed. Sorry for the grammatical errors lol

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

Exactly! Like Kim just woke up and saw this bc she’s middle class. Always has been. Us broke folks? We been seeing this struggle and many women are opting out.

[@shakirasmith6454]

Thank you for this. Going through this right now with my younger sisters. I chose to not have kids, and my relatives take that as my time is theirs 🤦🏾‍♀️. I’m the villain when I set boundaries but oh well.

[@birdiewolf3497]

Yup, I think hating children makes you a bad person. Also children are not property. So many people parents and nonparents treat kids like their property. They are a valuable member of the community and have the right to take up space like adults do.

[@125loopy]

Way too many parents view children as property. I cringe when I see dad's who don't know their kids' teachers, hobbies, medical info, friends, etc. Do you even like your children? Don't you care to get to know them??

[@serazvi5387]

It's a little beside the point, but in my experience, if someone says they "hate kids"-- not that they're not good with kids, not that they don't want kids, specifically if they say they "hate kids"-- it is nearly 100% of the time a red flag. Nearly 100% of the time I end up regretting meeting said person. Just a thought.

[@inathi1329]

@@serazvi5387 This definitely has truth to it. It's one thing to not want children for whatever reason. No one has to justify that but actively hating children?? It makes me feel like a person hates themselves and projects that self-hatred onto children

[@morighani]

i “hate” children cuz they’re noisy stinky and annoying. I don’t think they’re like worthless or property or anything to me they are just a nuisance I would much rather not be forced to cater to. It’s not any deeper than that. I’m good playing with them or helping them do things. I would just much rather not have to lol.

[@birdiewolf3497]

@@morighani Yeah, and I think that makes you a weirdo. Like can kids be those things? Sure but they also aren't those things as well. I see children as their whole selves and not reduce them to their worst moments.

[@tfh5575]

bruh i’ve heard ppl say “those are YOUR kids” about their nieces/nephews and grandkids. moms need support!

[@LGnLA]

I have two sister sistercousins, who were both single mothers, I made it my childless point, to scoop their kiddos up, give them a break & bond with my little cousins; other family members said, "how do you do it... those are her kids, blah blah blah..." craziness!! I just hope & pray, they remember now they are almost grown... that I cared & wanted the BEST I could afford for them (museums, beaches, aquariums, et al...) I just wanted them exposed to life!!💯❤️🥰

[@moniqueloomis9772]

@@LGnLA 🏆

[@MutedSins26]

We don’t have a community because we don’t trust each other. Low vibration plague our families for generations. I don’t know why we are afraid to speak out/up about it.

[@thedjshow0528]

Because we are outcasted if we do speak up.

[@AnekoFoxx]

People do not like when you hold a mirror up to their face.

[@ahnmichael1484]

I feel like there are two different threads of conversations woven together in this video, and it feels like they need to be considered separately, too. There is the question of what we're doing to build community + communal care. And there is the question of children -- really, two questions here, as well, regarding the children already here and the children we might collectively choose to bring into the world. I am *obsessed* with building community and pouring into our people, and all the marginal people I interact with - while so many pour so little into me. Typically it is socially-accepted theft (non-consensual use of labor), but in other ways, I constantly seek to pour into community as a radical politic of mutual aid, collective building, correcting impersonal historical and systemic wrongs in personal relationships. Community is intimate and vital to me. And I absolutely see that, just on this level, Black folks will so often refuse to pour into each other! Every time I have dreamt, hoped for more, tried to build, it has almost always been a non-Black person to show up, and that really hurts my spirit; I want meaningful connection with my own people, and we (not me) just won't do it. I think that can only be healed by exactly what you mentioned: remembering all the labor that others have poured into us and the joys of pouring into a better world we can create communally. But - *for people who have chosen to have children or will choose to - that is a choice*, to create a whole new person with important needs! Needs that quantifiably did not exist before! I don't know if I am responding to something different than what you're talking about, but 100% I am not aligned with any duty or even any joy to show up with the *elective* process of bringing new life into this suffering, loud, extremely painful world. I don't think in any way that not being ready to pour into "unnecessary", personally elective creation of needs and pains means someone is not communally minded, so again - perhaps I am responding to something you're not saying.

[@ashdacraft]

I too have tried to create things centered around black fems but I get the most support from non blacks and males and it really does hurt your spirit when your own peers don’t even mess with you

[@mstaylor1073]

They go together though, think Black Panther Party they were able to successfully create a strong community which benefit everyone including the children, (programs were put in place to take care of those that needed support) now as a byproduct of individualism no one is looking out for anyone and the kids suffer most since they cannot fend for themselves. It's not unusual to not see a child you didn't choose to make as "not your responsibility" easy to see the parents as irresponsible but what can you do? They are already here, existing in this painful world that they didn't ask for just like you and I why not offer them love and support?🤷🏾‍♀️ Also not judging AT ALL I just find it interesting that on one hand you don't mind pouring into your community but draw the line at kids? That's worth unpacking I think

[@ahnmichael1484]

@@mstaylor1073 Love, it's feeling like you didn't read or process my comment, so gently inviting you to reread

[@EshikaNora]

@@mstaylor1073 yeah the comment is confusing. The logic seems to be that since children have needs, if you create a child you're making your own life harder, therefore the child doesn't deserve support. I think it's smart to advise against having a child if they will be an extreme burden to you, but all children will inevitably burden you in some way, even the most well-prepared people. We all needed (non-parental) support to be alive right now, that's just life! To be fair, no particular individual is obligated to help parents, it's more so a societal shift I'd like to see. So if the original commenter only wants to do non-childcare community building that is valid! But you can have your preferences for who you help while acknowledging that children are part of the community too, and developmentally the most important to pour into (not to be ageist against older people, it's just that it's easier to build a strong child than to repair a broken man, as the saying goes).

[@Alexis-wp7tf]

Ou society's perception of success is rooted in struggle culture and self-reliance, that is whats praised. So I am really not surprised of the rhetoric and attitudes so many people have when some of us do complain about not getting help from the community. Not only do we love an individual that struggles and succeeds despite the struggle, our society is so obsessed with self-reliance to the point where we don't even have a desire to help others.

[@yazzy6860]

💯 Obsessed with struggle. And for BW it’s expected.

[@shannacollins8371]

There is no strong Black community in the United States. I learned this is the hard way when I was assaulted in public, and people around me shrugged it off and said it was my fault. Edit: Kim, I’d be very interested if you had someone who was directly from West Africa talking about what communal responsibility is and how it relates to child raising. This is one aspect of lineage that I think Black folks have lost in the US.

[@acfmisc]

This was not always the case here in the US. Definitely happened in the last 40 years.

[@sweedy3333]

@acfmisc facts. I had a strong community growing up, but when I visit home I see a lot of people are spread out and not as close anymore. Schools and business (Black owned) are shut down. (Black) Neighborhoods I frequented are food deserts. It's hard to maintain community (outside of church) in spaces you don't fully control Also for OP we know what community is and how it is to be raised by one. These are changes that has happened in the last two generations.

[@dahliar410]

It’s the same in Africa. They’re further behind than black Americans

[@shannacollins8371]

@@dahliar410 Nah. I’ve lived in Botswana and visited South Africa. A friend of mine is a teacher in Nigeria, and views his students like his own children. The same is similar for one of my friends in Sudan. So no, capitalism and American individualism has not changed the entrenched communal aspect of child-raising in much of rural Africa and in parts of urban centers.

[@SharonBoo0305]

A BM can assault you and BW would be caping for him! That's the level of toxicity in the Black community. I'm mixed but I don't want anything to do with it. Being divested has proved to be a good choice.

[@leelee6946]

🔥 . We truly have internalized this individualistic mindset. I’m a Gen-Xer. Maybe the last generation that believed that you come from a community. The elders on your block can discipline you and you pray they don’t tell your parents. Today, you would get cursed out by the parents for speaking to their kids. The discord between the women and men of this community is because many people have abandoned the idea of community. We talk about “community “ when we are performing “pro-blackness” but it’s every man for himself when it reaches counts.

[@DsEyez]

The first 25 seconds of this video already has me liking it because I have already been on this train of thought. From moving from my hometown of Brooklyn, NY to Investing in property in Newark, NJ -two known black communities, it’s frustrating to see how majority of us move amongst each other in our communities.

[@kathleenking47]

As long as they're decent men in these communities. Meaning, they're not leaving the heavy lifting all to women 😔

[@ShawnBloom]

if your community is depressed and broke, then wth was expected when you had them☠️ I don't expect my parents to be able to help me. My grandparents helped with me because times are different . That's just how it is

[@shreehill9641]

Help can be as simple as pitching in on a chore…

[@nailynntynette]

Reading the comments and after listening to half of this video, I realized that it's a good thing for the community to take care of you and for it's members to help each other out only if the community is healthy. If not, we end up with a lot of abusers getting away with abuse, traumatized children turning into adults who perpetuate the cycle and adults who want nothing to do with their family or "community" because of it. Now my parents had a community to some extent, ironically it was a church called community. But, because my parents did not trust that community, I missed out on a lot of potential molestation and other evils. However, being raised by them in more or less a bubble did not stop me from having to deal with physical, mental and financial abuse. As an adult who desires children, I believe that we need to formulate our own tribes with people who we trust, not necessarily family, not necessarily people from the church that we go to (although I would hope that if we're going to church that they are trustworthy people there), but with people who share our values and that we know have our and our families best interest in mind. And in order to recognize who is able to do that, we need to heal ourselves as individuals. We can't keep saying "oh that's just how they are," or "that's just what they do," stay around it, and expect us not to cause trauma to the next generation. We need to start asking why we do the things we do and get around people who are either healed, whole and entire or in the real, actual process of healing. Unfortunately for our community, many of those people are not going to look like us, and I feel like that's where we mess up. I personally know of one black (meaning not African) whole and happy marriage and when they were younger they were trying to ask my parents for advice. 🙃 They thrived when they got away from community, and are now at another black church that is much happier and much healthier. The issue is, they are not just an exceptional family for African Americans, with the husband being a doctor and the wife owning several nonprofits and being an ordained minister, but they are an exceptional family in general, who likely have an exceptional community. I feel like too many of us are going to try and look for the Black version, knowing that a lot of successful black people are not really into generativity, meaning helping others out who are coming up behind them, and might be better off looking for community of multiple races. We can't convince other people to heal, so we got to find those that will walk with us as a support on our healing journey as an individual, so that we can learn what we need to do to as a healed community. Thank you for coming to my TED talk 🙃

[@FragrantFindings]

Community is everything and I'm blessed to be part of a community and family that is incredibly supportive. My mother is Dominican and my father is Grebo, Liberian. I was born in a small town in DR where people pulled together. They nursed sick neighbors, dropped off food to poor community members, ran errands for those who were unable to. I fear many things in life- but being alone, or homeless or without means has never been one of them. Whether it's my blood family, my Grebo tribal members, my old neighbors or distant cousins back in DR- I know I have people. It's a blessing I will never, ever stop being in awe of. I'm raising my daughter to be that support and help as well. My father taught us thst family and community are truly all we have. My sister watches over my little niece's friends after school so they don't have to be home alone until parents get back from work. This life is hard, dangerous and oftentimes overwhelming- without community we are doomed.

[@marieechante4412]

People don't even create spaces for individuals to be heard. Someone asks "how are you?" You can't even complete the sentence before you are listening to them. People are not learning about the community.

[@ebonyv4289]

I've been met with "Mind your own business" from some parents who "don't need no help"

[@Jojo-tf2zp]

Nope, It is not just you, I see it too! Everyone wants to get without anyone giving, make it make sense!

[@sanaishere18]

Growing up in a small rural town meant everybody knew my business but I can say this: we also took care and still take care of one another. When my parents house burned down when I was in seventh grade, I swear I had more clothes/shoes by that next day than I did before our house burned down. I never would have made it to college without community.

[@MissJeriB]

Community looks different to everyone. It doesnt have to be so child focus. I want to foster one day and not have my own; but my community involvement does not involve children; it involves a civic engagement program, it involves volunteering at a garden with my community, and being on community boards. I care for the children of my friends across the country. But centering kids doesn’t have to be the center of someones community. But community engagement is important.

[@mstaylor1073]

I don't think she means to center them but the whole "f them kids" engagement is toxic for the community they will grow up and take over so they are important

[@debrawilliams2781]

Yesssss Sista Girl Preach, its CALLED SELFLESS LOVE AND CARE.❤

[@RoyallyCoilly]

The focus on the nuclear family is a SCAM. Growing up in a Victorian house split into 3 apartments full of my brother, sisters, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins and play cousins was the stuff of dreams: playing with my age group while trying to copy the cooler teenagers (to this day I can't brush my edges with a toothbrush the way my sis could in the 90s lol) and laughing at how annoying all our parents were. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years (Haitian Independence Day) were LIT. When I was a teenager, we would babysit the babies while the adults worked so I would always look at people weird if they're full grown and have never changed a diaper or held a baby before (not their fault, of course, but just a totally foreign concept to me). If you didn't get along with one person, there were 5 others who you could gel better with. Some of my cousins going through rough, borderline abusive parenting had a reprieve in being with us kids. Having your foundation just based on the nuclear family is honestly priming you to be a lonely cog in the capitalist machine (I took it there).

[@niloticnya]

i understand and think that the points you are making need to be heard. in africa, many of our cultures value community to the point where it’s expected. when my aunt gave birth and her husband worked a lot, she moved in with us because we don’t let mothers do things on their own. all community members would make food and provide care. none of it is expected to be paid back, and if presented the opportunity, we reject offers to be reimbursed. im bipolar, so postpartum depression and psychosis are a huge risk if i had kids. but i am okay with the idea of having them because i know that i’d get support from dozens of people

[@shannacollins8371]

I was just talking about how African child raising differentiates from America’s. Thank you, thank you, thank you for commenting.

[@marie-francoiset9402]

you're comparing apples to oranges. African Americans aren't immigrants. Kim is speaking from a middle class perspective. Africans are usually in their OWN country. We're still fighting stuff that was setup eons ago. Can't compare

[@WonderousSmiles]

Hot take, but while I do mostly agree. The "it takes a village" mindset goes both ways. Parents love it when you watch their kids, and when you buy them gifts. But the second you start point out that something is off. The second you tell the kids, hey stop acting out in public. Or you nudge to the actual parent that maybe hot dogs and potato chips aren't a good dinner three days in a row Then its suddenly, oh don't tell ME how to parent MY kids. Oh. Okay. So I was just a source of free labor, got it. The fact is, a lot of people these days have stopped putting in, because they're sick of feeling disposable. And that needs to be addressed too.

[@pink_monster21]

I really liked this response!

[@starwoodanime1532]

These dudes talk about not helping others and leaving their friends and family to suffer alone until the tables turn on them and they need help. Then suddenly they ignore these beliefs and look for the same people they abandoned to fix their issues

[@HenriettaHudson-we4wv]

WE HAVE NO COMMUNITY!!!! As I've said, what made me stop listening to Philip Scott was that he had a video clip of Louis Farrakhan saying that women are failures if they don't have a man!!! My late Queen Mother had raised four strong black women as a single parent. Because my father was a gaslighting, narcissistic @$$hole who cared more about fishing and hunting more than helping his family. I realize now that some black people would rather be part of the problem than part of the solution. The 1970's were the last time we actually had a black community that we could be proud of. We had partnerships, we had organizations, etc. With that being said, The only people that I'll ever hang around with are problem solvers and solution makers of all races, not just the black race.

[@toyaJM]

A recurring theme I see is people with trauma (who are still looking for community) not want to partcipate in community because of their trauma. I think one of the best things about community is that you get to vet, create, and build healthy boundaries about how you show up. You don't have do it like the previous community that hurt you. You can show love, communicate, give/take, in ways that heal that trauma. When we think about community we gotta stop looking back and create things we want to be a part of or wished we had. The best examples of this to me are found families. There should be support, communication, accountability, growth, healing, ect. At a basic level we should be doing these things with our friends and then we extend it outwards. I think it is really less complicated than we make it.

[@omowhanre]

THIS! thank you.

[@mademoiselle_milla]

This is it!!!

[@goddess2859]

Not wanting to take care of other peoples children doesn’t equate to not caring about children. This conversation is more nuanced than the way you’re approaching it and also I hear you.

[@librarianrose4472]

Exactly not every one or in that case she’s talking about not every man can provide for children that’s not there’s

[@charmingowloflavenderism]

I think a lack of gratitude and appreciation for others in the community has caused the destruction of the community and a mentality of every man for themselves.

[@k.alvarado6237]

America as a culture is not community minded. You make great points Kim, and I would love community. But folks want to take and take and not give

[@jetunnadine]

KIM!!!!!! UGH. I feel like I'm not an alien when I see videos like this that literally explain everything that I feel. We are literally repeating harm and I just can't do it. It just all sounds like capitalism, capitalism and capitalism. I feel all of this when older women say "if it aint f*cking or financing me I don't care about it" and I just get so discouraged. We are not okay!!!

[@Irini-k2f]

I am watching this video while I grew up without any community and almost in complete isolation. The house I grew up was inside a forest, no neighbors and very few kids to play with. I used to play with animals or alone. I grew up with my parents there but all my relatives lived in another city.

[@jamesryan8513]

I think this is a needed conversation cuz I really don’t think ALOT of folks can talk about this well nor built it. I really think this is an area in which people are really stuck.

[@scj3188]

I'm a black trans woman, so I've never experienced support or even affirmation in the (cishet)black community. So I mostly engage with other trans ppl, of all colors. That's the only community I where I feel fully seen.

[@Coastpsych_fi99]

I think this is totally fair and I respect this entirely. Our communities are often not safe towards LGBTQIA+ ❤

[@scj3188]

@@Coastpsych_fi99 Not safe at all. Black communities are cishet communities for the most part.

[@pizzadogma]

This is very true unfortunately. I am a cis black woman, but its very disgusting how groups that are pro-black women or only spaces for black women, be EXTREMELY transphobic. It’s honestly sad and the amount of homophobia/biphobia that exist is insane

[@isabellaxoxo8357]

I truly hope those of you complaining about the lack of community will be the change you want to see. You really do hv the power to positively shift the next few generations.

[@DosesOfZia]

I agree. Even if some of our generation didn’t have a 2-parent household, we all still pretty much had the same upbringing when it comes to COMMUNITY. And now- so many people have decided community isn’t important.

[@FTKComputer]

Yesss!!! Let me get comfortable, get some snacks, and listen 🙇🏾‍♂️

[@sieg5857]

Hey look its my favorite symmetra main

[@FTKComputer]

@@sieg5857 yep! I love Kim’s videos!

[@Yentiiiii]

I’ve been listening to several podcasts studying happiness - the happiness lab, a happier life , 10 percent happier - and they ALL cite studies that unequivocally show that community is a huge part of the human experience and allows us to feel rooted and supported and fulfilled. We need to be apart of something bigger than us and it’s sooo sad to see we are cultivating a culture of selfishness at the same time self harm and depression are mounting

[@esther589]

I ve always wanted to be apart of my community but they never wanted me unless its convenient for them. Its weird to look back and see that other than from racists black people were the ones that tore me apart the most under the guise that they just want me to be accepted by the community. I ve had people argue and debate about my own identity or if im light or dark skin right in front of me. I got called a coon and every name under the sun because I have a diverse group of friends that allow me to be me and discuss racial issues freely. The whole point of the civil rights movement, blm, and all that was to allow us all to live how we want to and prosper. All i see now is people being extremely close minded on what they think blackness is while also preaching we all need to be in this together but you over there can stfu because you dont fit our view of blackness. This may be shocking for some people but I dont need any type of extremism in my life. I dont need to be apart of a community that takes its time to demolish you while also being like no no we need you but also go to back 😂😂😂

[@theroamingturtletravel]

Amen! I feel the same way and run into walls all day!

[@mstaylor1073]

The black community has slowly turned neoliberal, caring more for capital (that they often don't have) than their own community. It's really scary the direction we're going in

[@yoyodre]

Your implication is that liberals care more about capital & aren't community oriented, even though the platforms of conservatism are not believing in the redistribution of wealth and pulling yourself up by your bootstraps despite systemic inequity & oppression. What is scary is the messaging you received about liberalism.

[@Tomorrison28]

I think you need to look up the definition of Neoliberalism. @mstaylor was correct.

[@Luna-kb3sr]

Thank you!!!! I love you for this ❤

[@adriannepowell8289]

Please say more! We have to be accountable. It’s out of hand! And let me just say there is a group that wants more and we need to continue finding each other to create community. I will never give up and I love being around like minded people who are genuinely wanting more and strong community.

[@alohomoratarot]

I was doing some research on the principles of Kwanzaa, and the roles children have in it. I saw a lot of the same narrative that I see echoed throughout the Black and general African community-that children are valued mainly for their ability to continue our culture or bloodline. As if they don’t have their own minds, feelings, etc. that are worthy of investment. It disgusts me a lot to know that the “children should be seen and not heard” narrative is still valued in our community.

[@TuscanWonder]

I think about my own selfishness, not always intentional, about not giving back to those who will be our future. I need to do better and will in this coming year

[@WoundedWings]

Same

[@amimi92]

As a 31 year old single woman who grew up with a large family, I can say that positive contributions to the family structure is one of-if not THE-most fulfilling thing. My only nephew leans on me so much since both of his parents are negligent at best and toxic/unfit at worst. I’m grateful I’m able to do my part and fill in that void as much as possible. He’s a great kid and has such great aspirations.

[@cbpd89]

Being an auntie is one of the most cherished things in my life. You are clearly a wonderful aunt!

[@toyaJM]

I know a great deal of woman who are relecutant to engage in the type of community you're speaking about because of their childhood trauma however I personally have seen that engaging in your communty whether it be mentoring, becoming a big sister, being an active god parent ect all allows space for healing in that area. You get to choose how you show up in the community, I don'tt think anyone should take on more than you currently have the capacity for. It could mean that you simply donate money to a school or participate in a book drive ect. Being in commmunity doesn't always mean you are front and center hands on. Maybe you know some young people in need of guidence and have friends who can assist better than you can and you link them together. There has to be a point after you recoginze the trauma that you decide to move beyond it in my opinion.

[@alienunicorn4178]

This is because unfortunately a lot of people have a "take take take but not give back" everyone should care about them but not give care back

[@deecunningham9719]

You are so right on this. I completely agree.

[@Biboche23]

Sister friend you speak so much truth❤ your channel is ESSENTIAL!!! Sometimes these folks are not ready to hear the trurh. Love from a Gabonese raised in africa and europe by a huge family and now living in Canada for years we are the same generation and i am an observant of our society. And some of my thoughts you utter so straight forwardly and honestly. I love when you get passionate like this to call people to a task. It needs to be said❤

[@raysoamazing]

The shirt is very fitting for this conversation! Need it

[@lastdays9163]

When my sister had kids I was like...shit I'm going to have to babysit for the rest of my life. I'm from a Latino family, it's part of the gig. Even though my family is cashed up we still did the time and helped raise those kids and it's been 2 decades. My parents invested in us and there's no doubt you must pass that on to family, friends and strangers who need, want, ask or don't ask for help.

[@hazelbasil6451]

This might sound weird and a slightly conservative talking point but I think this individualistic mentality is in part from "hustler culture" which has been platformed and spread by rap. The obsession with money, the "get rich at the expense of your community mentality" has been growing since the 70s. (I know its not only the black community as well)

[@monimuppet6132]

Yeah, it's the rap that did it.😏

[@hazelbasil6451]

@@monimuppet6132 I said "in part" obvious its not only rap.

[@sersabio3401]

I think you are onto something, but it is worth noting that hustler culture itself was born out of black people being historically underpaid yet being charged more for their basic needs and, especially after the oil crises in the 1970s, underemployed and therefore needing to hustle. Rap was born just after legal segregation ended and as neo-liberalism took hold, which cemented individualism as the seeming path to success.

[@hazelbasil6451]

@@sersabio3401 absolutely!

[@mstaylor1073]

I think you're close I wouldnt put it on the rappers but those paying the rappers millions to push out their messaging

[@thePLAINESTjane]

Thank you for providing the BIGGER PICTURE to us, Kimberly! 🖤

[@TinaRixMusic]

Please speak on it. I have experienced horrid abuse from the black community. They refuse to heal or see themselves for the toxic, unhealed and hypocritical energetically toxic and stagnated cycle the proudly celebrate... I hope they start healing...

[@Momdrogynous]

This is true. In conversation with a close friend I explained that I can’t be friends with certain people anymore because my child will inherit those relationships. I want my child to inherit relationships with people who are bright, responsible, and can give my child guidance, wisdom, experience and other assets as this life goes on. Millennials are getting some things better than previous generations, but as a Millennial myself, the collective is failing when it comes to community. Great thoughts! 🤍

[@teatime358]

I think people having a lack of boundaries for other people is what makes people resent children. I know a lot of people who were lost their childhoods because they had to practically raise their siblings. So the idea that babysitting children is a “communal responsibility” probably makes them feel resentment or invalidation.

[@Bwilli1990]

Let’s be honest there is as much a divide between black America as there is between black America. The upper black people do care about poor people but they care from a distance. People should help each other. But as a self admitted capitalist most Americans worship money and that is the point.

[@publicpedagogy8657]

Have you read "Disintegration: The Splintering of Black America" by Eugene Robinson? He basically argues there is no longer a "Black America" but four groups of Black folks. I'm wondering how common this sort of sentiment is among those different groups.

[@parklady4233]

People have forgotten that what reciprocity is!

[@nursett08]

I hadn’t thought about this topic in this way. I totally agree. I moved away from my hometown and family, got married, had a kid and realized I NEEEED HALP!! I opened myself up to making friends and going places and I am still building my village. I deeply care for the small one I have and will always be there for them in any way I can help. ❤ I’ll give more thought to how I can contribute more in my community.

[@simsthre4078]

I needed to hear this as obvious as you may think it is. It’s easy to get swept up in popular social media ideas, cause when engaging with it in a hedonistic or escapist way as most do, sometimes you forget to leave your critical thinking hat on, as someone whose a very critical thinker myself. But yes wow what an aspect of gratitude I’ve also missed, I didn’t build this house or make this phone etc yet all I talk about is how much I resent humans

[@thedjshow0528]

Thanks for giving this insight because I thought people weren’t talking about it because they don’t care.

[@anauluceanu9574]

I come back to this and the longer original video also, because it is so spot on with thoughts of my own that I feel like weren't this well put together. After listening to Kim it all clicked and I accessed the kind of clarity and determination to act upon thoughts like the one in the video. Thank you so much, Kim, I've been following you for many years and you never cease to enlighten and inspire me in such particular, intimate ways. I will be forever grateful. Love from Romania!

[@JazzandLaughter]

This Sis!!! Every single word!! Thanku for pointing this out. ☀️🌺🍃

[@podakayne]

been awhile ...but i still love your mind and how you give discussion to the community without apologizing for your opinions...even if you disagree with the comments, you state and back up what you say, feel or believe and challenge your audience to think....really think. keep going. and you're looking very well dear.😃❤💜😎

[@saraht1367]

Such a profound message.

[@rahsworld229]

this gives me Queen Radio vibes in the best way. Keep shining QUEEN!

[@PeteS_1994]

I agree with you. It takes a village to raise a kid. But from experience family can abandon and not support you if you are the black sheep or have a mental illness.

[@DoesItReallyMatter25]

Great video! Another big thing we should stop doing as a community, is having kids KNOWING you’ll need government assistance. If you cannot afford your own bills/lifestyle, do not bring more lives into this world on someone else’s dime. It’s called responsibility & dignity

[@star468star468]

I AGREEE WITH THIS SOOOO WHOLE HEARTEDLY!!! THANK YOU!!!

[@SadeWatkins]

Hit for Hit. Bar for Bar.

[@mizzmolly7649]

Look, I just got cu$$ed out by a bunch of blk women in another thread because I said that having babies out of wedlock is dysfunctional behavior and it many times gets in the way of a blk woman reaching her full potential. I was told that a marriage probably wouldn't last anyway, so there's nothing wrong with a woman having babies by herself. So as far as I'm concerned, some blk women are on their own. My job is not to clean up their mess. This community member has closed her door.

[@shopwithleslie]

I just said something similar, that personal responsibility has to work with communalism, but I believe my comment was deleted. And the sentiments expressed in this video were somewhat contradictory. But in any case, many black woman are divesting because too many that preach communualism, do not seem to understand what it means. This has created a toxic environment of entitlement and poaching off others.

[@Ari-yg3iu]

As a mother of 3, thank you for this video. There’s a family member (single middle aged man) whom constantly makes me & other family members feel guilty for receiving help/providing help for my children. I’m so glad I saw this video.

[@Ms_Introvert_4_Life]

It is not another person's responsibility to help someone with their kids if they didn't help create them. If they do it out of kindness and actually want to be around those kids, then cool.....but to make people feel bad because they don't step up to take on that responsibility that they didn't create? Ummm that's wrong to do, in my opinion.

[@jbell7105]

Yeah I’m like huh? No.

[@lnzo5033]

The black community is operating in the loss value system for the longest. It cannot be redeemed at this point. It needs to be destroyed and rebuild.

[@tiffenydavis2927]

It's weird and disappointing. If I can't do anything else I'm going to safeguard black children 24/8 they deserve better because we deserved better but we have the capability to do better and more for the next generation. We really could help the next out and thrive.