The Children of Snobs

[@theschooloflifetv]

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[@chandrikav9197]

This is a serious issue in south east Asia. Children do not have their own say in what they actually want or how they want to live their life, it is always what the the parents think is best for them which sadly is mostly dictated by society.

[@lun-uhatic195]

Chandrika V i'm north african and heeeeelll this depicted my case with my parents.

[@khalidh3091]

Chandrika V. I don't think this is a South East Asian problem. Here in Morocco and the Arab world, you have the same kind of behaviour from parents. This is the probably the case in all poor countries where people just want their children to have a better life than they had.

[@jackalope2302]

Chandrika V Southeast Asian cultures have a more collectivist and less individualist tendency. The needs of the group are emphasized over the needs of the group members stronger there.

[@ishsheruni]

It’s true. And you forget to mention that kids in SE Asia are being abused and bullied by their parents if they fail to meet their parent’s “standard” or “requirements” most especially if the parents are achievers.

[@massiex1872]

As a Filipino with a Filipino mom, this is so true. There's always a "listen to your elders" mentality and a brilliant young person has to follow a moronic old person.

[@theaxisofinsight]

Snobbish parents unintentionally turn their kids into perfectionists, making it harder for those kids to navigate through life because they seem to forget that they can't be good at everything.

[@RamzaBeoulves]

At the same time, once made aware of his position, that same kid strives to get better everyday in a healthy way. Often more motivated to do so than the rest

[@risainternet]

The hard part is that we are taught that we don't have inherent worth. When the love only comes when the achievement comes, you become conditioned to achieve to receive the love. It's not supposed to be like that.

[@Gilman93]

believe me, when you feel a desire to excell because of your own goals and motivations, and not because your parents won't love you if you don't succeed, you work even ten times harder and with no stress, snob child here, until problems made my parents wake up

[@risainternet]

Gilman93 the problem is not wanting to achieve because your parents want you to. The problem is the side effect of not feeling inherently worthy of love, because love has always been conditional. Achievement has nothing to do with it, it's how the conditional love affects you, not achieving for others or whatever. The hardest thing was having my own kids and feeling how could my parents have treated me this way...having kids and learning about unconditional love was hugely transformational and extremely healing for me. Hard. But so healing.

[@risainternet]

Gilman93 and do you realize the ramifications of having parents who only love you conditionally? It's affected every relationship I've ever had. Friends. Boyfriends. Even my husband. It can be hard to believe others love you unconditionally when your own parents don't.

[@HARIA10KRIS]

In india every parent is a snob. I took philosophy as a major and everybody thinks im going insane.

[@sadiq9101]

Congrats you have the guts to choose the thing you really want to do. Many guys like me don't!

[@sushrut3670]

hari krishnan Then they aren’t very snobby, are they? They’re merely judgemental. Since philosophy is closely associated with snobbery. And most snobs will naturally appreciate it.

[@Brookouch]

everyone question you why arent you a doctor haha

[@SwagMuffin567]

Much respect bro

[@HARIA10KRIS]

What can i say marijuana does miracles ......

[@novahynes]

Well, the rich or the poor, snobs or the working class, there are lots of people who follow a group of their choosing and lack an independent center of judgement. Whether we are their children or we are them, we have to learn how to perceive the world and judge situations in an individual and independent way.

[@alvaroop6307]

Tip of the hat to you!

[@vitorbernardes8190]

Interesting. I liked that Alain separated snobbery from a simple superiority complex. I always felt like there was a difference between (i) people who feel superior and can't help themselves but to act it out and be assholes and (ii) people who simply are too dumb to see that they are living someone else's opinions and choices and end up being afraid of everything that challenges them to be spontaneous (kids, recreational drugs, dancing, philosophy etc.).

[@poison03nae]

Vitor Bernardes exactly yes thank you

[@coreycox2345]

This (but not everything) makes me feel so lucky to have the parents I did, Blue Makes Movies. I was pressured to be excellent, but at least I have always had an independant center of judgement.

[@toddness305]

I always viewed women in general as only being interested in things that all the other women are interested in. With exceptions, of course. But how many women with knee high black boots ARE THERE?

[@risainternet]

This echoes much of what the raised by narcissists and Asian parent stories subreddits affirm...that I am not alone in having had conditional love from parents with low self confidence. Who saw their children as extensions of themselves and not as independent people. Who pressed achievement over all else. Great video. There are many paths to overcoming these issues. Check the aforementioned subreddits if you need help navigating the path to realizing your own worth! You're not alone.

[@ssgg2277]

risainternet which reddits can you send links please? This is kind of interesting to me.

[@darwinxavier3516]

Ultimately what lead me to free myself from the emotional manipulation was eventually having friends who liked and cared about me for who I was. When your support system at home is impotent, you need outside support from genuinely kind people.

[@kyletanver3029]

@@ssgg2277 r/AsianParentStories

[@deniseh8257]

My parents were not snobs BUT my father's love was definitely conditional on how well I did in school.

[@kilamity24]

Denise H sooo...a snob?

[@lun-uhatic195]

Malik Vankirk musn't a snob be necessarily rich?

[@reedyriver506]

no, a snob can be "poor but honest" or "poor but noble" (lol)

[@j.2512]

Yeah, lets attack people for being succesful and competent and parents for doing their job of trying to raise succesful competent kids, i guess is better when parents are debased poor people with no standards who don´t give a shit

[@conman823]

J. Based on your grammar issues, you needed better parents.

[@jcherry875]

There is a boy who always tells me how much money he makes and that he buys everything. He also has rich parents. I always say, that that doesn't impress me. I go babysitting and i love it. I earn 5€ per hour and i enjoy being with children. And he thinks that i should search for something better. I'm happy that my mother showed me how important money is but that it isn't everything. She loves her job at a nurse even if it doesn't pay that much. But the feeling of helping somebody is much more fulfilling than everything else. I hope i can become a child therapist some day because i suffer from mental disorders and often had the feeling, that nobody understands me, even my therapists.

[@laylamyangel735]

cherry875 You're really sweet and I feel you. If you need someone to talk with, let me know :)

[@hrmico8375]

cherry875 Everything you say is bullshit. I guess you're a rich person pretending to be a poor one. "The rich are unhappy and The poor are happy". That's the biggest lie I've ever heard. They want to keep us all under control. That's why they spread sentences like that... Wake up, Folks!

[@jcherry875]

Hrmicö well, i don't think that guy is unhappy. I wouldn't be unhappy with a lot of money. But it's just not a way of life for me. And I'm not poor. We are under middleclass. And I'm fine with that.

[@DynomiteKid65]

Cherry, people that brag about their money/possessions are often unhappy in other parts of their lives, there's a reason they tell you "hey look at this expensive thing i own" as a way to distract you and possibly even themselves from a less pleasing aspect in their lives. That is not to say rich are unhappy, not even your friend, but I've found its true anecdotally. It's admirable you love babysitting and have found a path which you truly enjoy, money can't satisfy you like passion can. It's not entirely true that money doesn't buy happiness, it gives you financial stability which can in turn make your life a lot easier but yknow. Hrmico kinda sounds like a conspirator tbh, the richer you are the more unhappy you are likely to be imo, theres a reason suicide rates are the highest in 1st world countries.

[@jcherry875]

Liuba Svatko maybe it's selfish but i rather help someone than doing a, for me, meaningless job. I think I have a talent in helping people. I personally don't think it comes from my or my mothers desire to be needed. We enjoy every aspect of our work. But people do most things out of selfishness. And yes, I'm selfish like every other person is. But the thought of helping kids to grow into good adults without the problems i had to fought really gives me joy.

[@georgiana1754]

This comes at perfect time. I was pleased with my psychological state until I took some time off work. Two weeks in and I am flooded with staggering shame the first thing when I wake up. As the day progresses and I try to improve some parts of my life and myself that have been neglected for a while I still feel unachieved and under pressure. The fact of being/becoming a cool person is not satisfying in itself. Because my parents conditioned their love I am unable to appreciate my qualities and skills unless they are put to good use. I realize now that I will never be able to fully enjoy myself and my life until I address this issue. I hope one day I will do nothing particularly useful for a month and be ok with it.

[@angelgjr1999]

Georgiana Bere I feel the same way. Just distract yourself with house chores or workout. Humans and boredom do not mix well.

[@nickbloom6861]

Georgiana Bere Human beings are meant to have a purpose or our minds whither away, as do our bodies. I find that spending time studying subjects I love (especially in the age of endless information on this very device) seems to be the best way to pass time when nothing else is readily available.

[@dannyallegra]

I am 8 months pregnant and stopped working early in the pregnancy because of complications. I felt so looser, that I was not working towards achieving something professionally. Then the pregnancy got more complicated and accepted to give up those damaging voices for the sake of giving my baby a chance to survive. So though I haven't worked lately, I've done a lot of psychological work. I take very seriously bringing people into this world, knowing that our issues pass on to our children if we don't solve them previously. Sometimes I still punish myself by saying that "I am not doing anything", then my husband lovely tells me: "You are creating and taking care of life, and working on yourself to give him what you didn't have, is there something more important than that?" I do think that one of the most important things in life is to become aware of our issues and work on them to avoid passing them on to future generations. And even if you don't have children, doing this will heal the inner child you were not allowed to be.

[@hanawana]

Georgiana Bere perhaps you should take up practising a form of art...

[@hanawana]

J TDH that’s odd because I did exactly the same thing. Before, I would have been flooded with a sense of shame and contempt for having supposedly wasted time, but now I’ve just realised how essential breaks are, especially for cognitive function and the well being of our bodies. I hope everyone involved in this thread has a good day and a nice cuppa.

[@jfhow]

I always figured my mom was a snob (the social / religious kind), but this video really helps in understanding what is behind it. My father was definitely not a snob, but a respected doctor just the same. But it was a loveless marriage. I was cared for by people who saw me as a kind of accessory which would reflect well on them. Either I performed or I was 'cast out' figuratively speaking. Eventually I stopped communicating with my mother completely, just to stay sane. My life has followed the predictable outcome you talk about - depression, breakdowns, a sense of failure in life, self destructive behaviour. Now, in retirement, it all makes sense. My folks have passed on. I have learned to be complete in myself without any need to please others. I appreciate others for what they are, and in understanding I need them. Relieved of the necessity of work, I now find meaning and connection in following discussions like this. I don't need to perform. Life itself is full of joy once you take away the harness that society and its hangups puts us in.

[@dannyallegra]

I was the child of snobs and because of that, I lack a sense of who I am and what I want. But because I'll be a mother soon, I've been working really hard in not doing this to my child. I just talked about this with my therapist yesterday, how I have the snob voice of my parents in my head even though I don't truly believe that what those voices say is important for my child's wellbeing. I know that what is important is to love him for who he is. My therapist is optimistic about my self-awareness progress and as my future role as a mother.

[@DobbysStinkySock]

The sad reality today is that with social media, parents can now flaunt their children for online gratification. For them, it's similarly as valuable as the things mentioned in this video, like educational and financial status. An online presence or following for some parents is an excuse for them to exploit their children online. Really sickening. I grew up in a snobbish culture but I was lucky to have kind parents. My mom loved me for me at the end of the day, even though she pushed for me to do well (which was for my future anyways). My siblings' children are the exact opposite, raised in a narcissistic household that values both success and nonconformity. They want their kids to conform to be successful while maintaining the unique and stubbornness that makes them "special" and "one of a kind". The result is a child who can't take losing, but is also too arrogant to win.

[@sjwells04]

I definitely struggled with the idea of being valuable just for existing. I always thought your value was the sum of your achievements, I pretty much still do, but I’m now aware that people are valuable just for existing and I’m trying to ingrain that way of thinking into me, but it’s hard. Growing up I was always valued for my academic achievement, but at 16 I finally felt valuable for something else - I got my first boyfriend. For once I felt pretty and fun and interesting. My grades slipped but I no longer cared. And then he left - and suddenly I had neither my grades or this boy to make me valuable for anything. It was a bit of a crisis and ever since I’ve been trying to expand my identity and value myself for a wide range of things. I hope one day I will be able to value myself just for existing, but it’s a long road!

[@successsenses5228]

Just understand that your grades don't define you and that you will always have worth; no matter what grades you get, or what achievements you have accomplished!

[@hannahnymous]

Thank you for reminding me that I am enough. This is timely as I'm learning to love myself more and healing my inner child.

[@abhiramivelu8225]

I think there is a way to combine genuine love with setting appropriate standards so the child feels supported but also motivated to achieve goals 🥸

[@mukamaslove1986]

I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS:I've literally just had a mental breakdown and my life has just been upside down:school of life just casually explained my life to me, I'm in shock

[@TechReviewTom]

This explains so much, all my life I’ve been pushed in school. Life is all about school, finishing school and getting a good job to be ‘successful’. Yeah these things are important but it’s all my family is about. I go through school with a learning disability but their expectations for me to finish don’t change. It’s misery.

[@navidbadiozaman9453]

So true and it gets very ugly when you, for any reason, won't be able to live up to your snob parent's demands and expectations.

[@user-tt1ix7cy7y]

I feel this is exactly the opposite of my parents, so I'm very happy about that :) There was always unconditional love in my household, and my parents never tried to control me in any aspect of life. They let me do my thing, find my interests and passions, and support me in whatever I pursue :)

[@evegreenification]

This is wonderful. I particularly appreciate the way you define Snob that doesn’t rely on ignorant stereotypes of rich or shy people

[@Tangerinetaco]

2:57 “If you don’t perform, you cannot be loved.” Spot on!!!

[@Milestonemonger]

I cannot help but feel sorry for children of snobs; their parents are consumed with their own status in their world, the children are just innocent bystanders.

[@carlosfurtado1164]

"Most children of snobs do very well..." Not me 😂😂😢😢

[@jgdacashman]

I grew up both rich and poor. My parents were poor snobs. I love my mother, and try to forgive my father. And I can say earnestly after this video-- I am a snob. I'm working on it. Being a snob has made me productive, but also lonely. My main goal is not to connect, but to exceed.

[@diegogallardo3156]

Snob child here. Can confirm.

[@finnbladehd]

Same. But I became a philosopher and just ignore them. I manage my own life, not theirs. I am who I am, I am someone who found his true self.

[@TKUA11]

If you admit it does that still make you a snob?

[@diegogallardo3156]

yes, it's not that easy to shake off deeply ingrained things! It's okay though. :)

[@Levegy]

Could you define me what snob means for you?

[@diegogallardo3156]

wealthy family whose definition of success in life is taken from societal rather than from personal standards. Those standards become conditions for happiness. Thus life becomes a giant evaluation where you have to excel at everything: school, college, jobs, relationships... Lots of people don't see it like this, but it can be a big burden, everything fits into a bad/good category, and we don't get to choose what's good or bad. (just my definition though, can be wrong/different for everybody)

[@staypositivepositive]

I love this channel. Now, I always tell my baby that he will always be loved despite of what he do, bad or good.

[@teenindustry]

Snobbery can go both ways I work with young people in disadvantage and many parents accuse them of being snobbish for going to university and bettering themselves

[@sharminvlog8]

Right video at the right time. I was very depressed since 3/4 days ... I just cant forget my past, my childhood how they treated me. I cant forgive or forget. I was really good at school. But they wanted excellency, best of best. Being good was not enough. It made me go through severe depression. I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. They abused me mentally to be perfect, to be excellent. I was loved and hated for my performance not what I really am. I cant remember the last time I was loved for NOTHING! ............. They really loved me so much and gave everything what a child needed. But They never gave me what a child wanted. I chose different path, different career etc tried enough to be rebellious but still the feel of inadequacy is within me . I cant leave the habit of being perfect. Still I am trying to be mediocre .

[@hrithikmishra3562]

A kid like me that wandered streets for food, saved every penny to fill admission form for high school, never had a mother or father to back me up when someone would beat me in park or streets, never went to any relative functions and occasions. Everything is alien. I feel nervous entering into a mall or showroom. I feel nervous if a person wearing good clothes approaches me. But in this dark corner of despair, there's no humane help. I have to deal with all this by indulging myself into being happy how good bread tastes with butter or how cozy blanket is in winters. I don't want same for my future generation that's why i watch these videos to gain wisdom without the experience.

[@dannyallegra]

I am 8 months pregnant and stopped working early in the pregnancy because of complications. I felt so looser, that I was not working towards achieving something professionally. Then the pregnancy got more complicated and I accepted to give up those damaging voices for the sake of giving my baby a chance to survive. So though I haven't worked lately, I've done a lot of psychological work. I take very seriously bringing people into this world, knowing that our issues pass on to our children if we don't solve them previously. Sometimes I still punish myself by saying that "I am not doing anything", then my husband lovely tells me: "You are creating and taking care of life, and working on yourself to give him what you didn't have, is there something more important than that?" I do think that one of the most important things in life is to become aware of our issues and work on them to avoid passing them on to future generations. And even if you don't have children, doing this will heal the inner child you were not allowed to be.

[@t-squared6406]

My parents were very realistic,they pushed me to do better and never give up,they loved me for who I was,I was adopted,so I was chosen by them and well cared for!!!

[@NoFacephilosophy]

This applies not only to the children of snobs but to everyone. It's hard to detach ourselves from our achievements and to decide to *not* decide our-self worth on what we have and what we have achieved, how well we do on our job, etc. Even I have a hard time with it, but I'm slowly learning that none of my achievements can decide who I am. Partly inspired by The School of Life, I have started my own channel, discussing a variety of philosophical topics. If you could spare a couple minutes to look at my channel - it would mean very much to me. Thank you!

[@shrutimahant]

can you make videos about the children of narcissists and narcissistic siblings?that would be very helpful to a lot of people....

[@biel9206]

OHMIGOSH! I can relate to this! I'm so tired of reaching and following my parents command. I'm freakin' 24 and still can't be out of the house passd 5 P.M. cause I should be like this and like that. I'm only allowed to go out if I did something INCREDIBLE.

[@ronfarrell776]

This is a major cause of narcissism.

[@agentsquid9079]

To claim that snobs have low judgement of value is in fact, a pretty brutal but honest term. The wise and mature know and understand what true value is, and what snobs cannot understand. Don't build your life in expectation or build your wealth out of other people's value, instead learn to value what the world gives. That doesn't mean if want to be a millionaire than don't be, but what I'm saying is chase your own values, what do you like, what do you value? But the most fundamental thought that the wise can think of is, "where did value come from?"

[@Ms_B.]

Child of snobs right here. This clarifies so much :)

[@risainternet]

Maria B. Cabrera-Carreto google raised by narcissists. So much will make sense!

[@tengoodquestions]

sure sure

[@huraira448]

do you love them? your parents

[@squarerootof2]

Feminazis are snobs.

[@wheelfan100]

Are you Persian

[@SP-mf9sh]

I wasn't raised by snobs but I'm from CT and this is very true with my relatives and ppl I know.

[@NinjaKuma]

This explains the actions of celebrities quite well

[@FaidraP.]

wow! pure wisdom! Thank you Alain...

[@Eeriekid]

I had a breakdown the week of completing my bachelor's degree. Alot of it was because of this.

[@naomiokentv7813]

Wow this kind of made me want to cry because it just explains everything that is going on with me right now and all my mixed and hard to deal with emotions . I just want to be accepted for me yet it seems I can never be enough of anything. I feel sorry for my snobby father . and I will appreciate the beauty of my life under my own terms. .

[@thrillseeker3528]

I am not a child of snobs but I live in a society WITH snobs.

[@ОоалддещЗгкшццпэмьпй]

In psychology it is called instrumentalization and it has very serious damage on the child's mental wellness. Children grow up thinking one must perform to be loved and will naturally be set up to bond with people who take advantage of them and ones who are only iterested in what they can get out of such poor souls. Giving and giving and sacrificing important things just to get some breadcrumbs, on the long term, is hellish and they will someday realize it is not worth it. Grieving the parents one never had is the first step on a long journey of learning to live only seeking GOD's approval and validation, not anyone else no matter how much they can be important in one's life or claim they have our best interest at heart.

[@kingstarscream3807]

You lost me at the god part

[@CashCatMoney]

Well, that explains why I'm having such a hard time graduating. I snapped, and cant bring myself to go back for my own sake.

[@pollygong]

This video is very insightful. I could relate to every aspect of it and it really helps me to not only understand my parents and my childhood but also reinforces that I really need to appreciate myself. Thank you

[@jakobsteck6771]

wow that quite hit the nail on the head

[@NinjaKuma]

Eye opening

[@refreshyourpage._.0]

One person I know is snobbish, characterized by lack of ability to live, and her mother is also snobby, and I think she will most likely inherit her mother's role.

[@acidfusionrecordz427]

Thank you

[@ZinaO.]

Holy F... casually listening to this.. and it shock me. Literally as I’m in the library struggling through something lol. I had to pay full attention. This also creates Over-achievers. My pedestal began crumbling in college... 🙃. I was able to be “perfect” for a while, but now a bit less so. Still a hard worker. This video rang a couple bells, and “checked a couple boxes.” Nice vid.

[@redroverredrover679]

Should do a follow up about children of slobs. Thats where I'm coming from and I'm at least halfway to being a proper snob. Its a quite refreshing lifestyle when you've grown up in an environment so derelict of expectations or standards.

[@CrackberryMe]

Can totally relate.. I became one..a snob. but don't feel or act that way now.. too much stress and pressure to measure up. I prefer being myself and people can take it or leave it.

[@Maltcider]

Snobs are not always merely wounded people with low self-esteem, as they are commonly portrayed, some snobs are narcissists that are missing that core drive for social connection and also delight in the objectification and suffering of others. It can be dangerous to assume that all snobs are the sorts of characters that act out of a secret suffering since narcissist snobs often act in predatory ways towards people who show them sympathy/passivity.

[@humanityandme]

I'm fascinated reading the self awareness of children of snobs in the comments section. Refreshing.

[@ItsJustLib]

I feel this on a deep level. I'm looking at you.

[@021105223]

Snobs care most about "do you have generational wealth", "what kinda family are you from", "what do your parents/grandparents do".

[@jason8924]

Im homeless. The only place Ive found in life to be snob free.

[@enzoma7253]

My parents are not only snobs, but are also openly racists. How can I deal with that kind of toxicity? Is it ok if I just drop all connections with them?

[@لمىالشريف-غ8ك]

Why haven't you called them narcissists instead of snobs?

[@intisioana993]

I would like the answer to this question too :-)

[@لمىالشريف-غ8ك]

Intis Ioana I think there are emotionally neglectful parents other than narcissists.

[@risainternet]

Agreed. Nothing is more narcissistic than putting yourself before your children. Your children trust you inherently. For love, and survival, and to learn how to be an adult. When you show them love is conditional and that your own needs come before other people, you're breeding more narcissists. Do the world a favor, folks. Love your kids into amazing adults. Because the world needs more unconditional love.

[@Julesyoutoo]

Because a narcissist and a snob are two very different types, hence different descriptions for both.

[@johnschofield2093]

Different name, same meaning. Hope you are not triggered 😂

[@dannyallegra]

For parents who want to overcome this, I recommend the book Giving the love that heals.

[@YuyiLeal]

Spot on!!! Great video, The School of life!

[@807pranavghandade8]

The children of snobs are also snobs at some point in time

[@sirhumphreyappleby8399]

Not necessarily

[@leylaessid1919]

Pranav Ghandade I am the child of the biggest snobs you could encounter and i've realized it a long time ago and although it's true that I cannot claim my full recovery I'm pretty sure I have managed to break through those snobbish norms my parents have wrapped around me,So no I don't particularly consider myself a snob and I don't reckon I have a tendency of conditioning my love.

[@kingsking8348]

Pranav Ghandade do you even know what a snob is?

[@jamesquay0]

That's a snobbish comment

[@victoriaithinkweallsing6661]

because a child will either grow to mirror their parents of be complete opposites

[@tinlizziestudios4344]

Thank you as always!

[@ashiksree5357]

Thank you for this..now I can happily blame my parents and sleep perfect tonight!

[@AnaPruneda]

And when the children of snobs fail and become mediocre adults, it's quite unbearable for them. Meritocracy is unfair and unreallistic.

[@nulpukka7388]

It's worth to think about how this is related to the surrounding society.

[@koalangaro]

If your parents are social climber, I would say they are snob. However, if your parents is just pushing you just because you are being lazy or not living up to your potential then your parents are loving parents. Parents are there to teach their children how to cope with the harsh reality of the world. They are not there to create safe space that would result to adult children.

[@valentinarunko67]

Thank you, this was rather helpful.

[@brisagega461]

This. Completely this. I cannot think of a more accurate way of despribing my life.

[@jargonr3d32]

Why am I crying? Must be sleep deprivation, it is 2 am, after all...

[@uranus2924]

You are my new favorite comedian. It's funny because it's true but also because your delivery is so serious. The graphs of the baby dribbling and sleeping are so ff that I wasn't even laughing but more like on an acid trip of absurdity. Your humor is simply profound. The anti-jokester.

[@yuareyummyy]

As a first gen Chinese American, it sounds a lot like many Chinese immigrant parents.

[@SharlotBusinessMindsetCoach]

I think this would be especially true of children of narcissists (one kind of snob) who are also overachievers. However, there are also children of narcissists and snobs who are underachievers. In fact, it's often half and half, and overachievers can also be underachievers within the same lifetime.

[@ashleyching3166]

Story of my life. Happy Mother's Day

[@noticias6111]

This video coming from the channel of someone who's dad was like in high finance/ co-founded an investment firm, it means something to me..I wonder if De Botton possibly pondering whether he is subject to the part mentioned n 4:47-4:55 is one reason for why he made this channel and gave it the 'style' it has.

[@jamesquay0]

One of the best in a while. I recommend "The Drama of the Gifted Child" by Alice Miller for those looking for more on the issue.

[@adrianazashen]

Child of a snob.. Glad my other parent balanced that out. But I found that I can be a bit of a snob myself sometimes. But at least I know where my dad's and my own depression stems from. I have to do a lot of analyzing and reflection to put myself in the right state of mind when I'm depressed or when I find myself judging others.

[@NemanjaTalic]

The pleasure of heavy metal music...

[@jacobopstad5483]

How thought-provoking...

[@ellenoz9755]

When the snobs in middle school have poor parents...

[@GJJGHNBSJDN]

People who are not snobs, can also become complacent at time with their situations which is not regarded high in this era. We like toppers, hence the society compelling us to be snobs and reproduce snobs.

[@emmanueld.1816]

I love this channel.

[@robynmcsharry9611]

Great video

[@trisharoy5756]

You have a really nice timing!! Just found out that my parents are snobs.thanks for the video otherwise I wouldn't have known how to cope with it.😊

[@Geordina]

I'm a divided Snob. My dad is most assuredly a snob, bot my mother isn't. But her father was a snob. He went on to write many art critique books of famous Luxembourgean artists and commonly started many different projects without being able to complete them. I am very opinionated and often overly radical with my judgement, but at least I've got a deep thirst for the opinions and ideas of other people. Ridding myself of my snobbishness is a difficult and painful process that leaves me a running wreak at night. But what irks me more is that I'm not the only one suffering from this, and most likely an epidemic of the same problem is plaguing many wonderful minds. Thanks for this great lesson.

[@TheHyena-ru8bz]

If thats the definition of a snob then 80% of America is Snobs

[@CandaceHydeWang]

Raising a kid that can successfully make a living and negotiate a complex world is not easy and deserves praise, whatever the motivations were. It's up to each of us as adults to become more authentic people, to think and question and form our individuality. We are not defined by our parents.

[@dannyallegra]

The problem is the part where you say "successfully". Who defines that, the parent or the child? Can the parent leave the child be who he is without being afraid of him/her not becoming "successful"? He will be afraid of that because he has a preconceived idea of what makes someone successful so he will force his child to fit into that mold, and in this process, he will damage his child. The problem is that many parents don't question their preconceived ideas, or they don't realize that the world changes, that what once was a "choice for success", is not anymore, but they force their children to be and do what they think is the right thing for them when in fact it is not. This type of parents don't trust their children, which causes that once they are adults they lack of self-confidence and self-love.

[@CandaceHydeWang]

"Successful" means one can hold down a job, pay the bills, and interact with others in a friendly way. It is an objective measure. I think you give far too much power to parents. Finding self-confidence is an ongoing task for most of us, as is improving our lives. Parents do the best they can, even if far less than perfect. It is up to us to be grateful for what we got and to define our lives in the way we wish, as far as objective circumstances allow. Obviously we, in the Western world, are far more fortunate this way than others...say in Syria.

[@khushijoshi1809]

Perfect video. I needed to watch this

[@liberatedlyrics]

So because of ' Children' in the title my sidebar is full of creepy kid videos

[@chrisw7347]

Video request: Children of Narcissist Parents Or just a broad video on how to recover from bad parents.

[@noshowerforweeks797]

While watching this video, YT is recommending me children songs for relaxation. Talk about coincidences.

[@ferranfito3129]

Thank you very much for the video. This describes very well my situation. What I am missing and searching for a long time though, is what can I do to overcome it, to reeducate myself and value myself for who I am and not for what I do. Any ideas to put into practise?

[@marshacreary2442]

1:20-3:33 Conundrum (Conditional Love: If you cannot perform, you cannot be loved)

[@mohammedfotboll]

Its hard to think or act independently, when your parents hammered early days to follow rules/regulation and if you the opposite then you would face consequences and shame. One must break the rule and grow independently in order to think objectively..

[@jacobtoth3120]

I was born without a hand. I basically ignore the fact i was stared at my entire life, and treated like an exceptional outsider, on a daily basis as a coping mechanism. . Would it be possible for school of life to give emotional wisdom to those who are physically disabled?

[@marylight9700]

Being a snob has nothing to do w or very little to do their values being what others think. That's just a natural societal thing. Being a Snob actually means that they think they're superior or better than the vast majority of others in some form & take great selfish pride in that. So while some might have low self esteem, most do not & more than likely actually have a ridiculous sense of self-entitlement (/as seen in a majority if not nearly all of the male human population).

[@WS-gw5ms]

Jeez man I'm sorry. I did not get along with my parents as a kid, but I could not live with out them now. I literally talk to them several times every single day.

[@briannguyen1897]

The issue of modern world is came down to the world fear of "vulnerability." Snob is not being snob, in we are also are, because no one have teach them any better. Society is every changing of people and ideals because we are all fear of being "vulnerable" so much that we force ourselves and even our children to following a snob life style. We all have to realize how we are a "snob" first before saying that our parent are. Our life is feel with fear and uncertainty, but so what, we should happy that we are exist at all. There is no need to be "snob" in other to happy. In other words, just be yourself your silly goose, screw everyone else and their opinion.

[@tonyridler5314]

If we don't do our own thing, we won't have our shit together-#EmancipateYourself