The Crushing Reality Of Late-Diagnosed Autism

[@Catlily5]

In the USA if you tell a job ahead of time that you have a (hidden) disability you rarely get a job. But if you don't tell them that you have a disability before being hired then you cannot get any accommodations for your job. So you are kinda screwed either way. Edit: A couple people have told me that this is no longer true in the USA.

[@beadingbusily]

This is The Truth!

[@Greenleafroad]

If you tell them after the job you are sure to loose job even if you do a great job.

[@anniestumpy9918]

This is horrible! I'm glad we got relatively good labor laws in Europe. I still don't have a job 😅 but for the slight chance I ever will my situation as an employee should be better (at least in theory...)

[@leilap2495]

I have found that we can ask for what we need without telling them what the diagnosis is, BUT they must already be a supportive workplace.

[@minngael]

What I've also noticed is that many disability vocational services (like vocational rehabilitation) seem to have this weirdly naive idea that employers won't discriminate. They will tell you to disclose right away. I think it's partly because they are more familiar with advising people that have more obviously apparent disabilities (blindness/Deafness, wheelchairs, Down Syndrome etc) You *should* still be able to get accomodations after being hired so long as you didn't mislead them into thinking that you were able to do the job without substantial changes. For example I didn't tell a company when they hired me that I had ADHD, but after I started I realized I needed noise-cancelling headphones so I went to HR & gave them documentation & got the headphones.

[@sparks3603]

VERY Late Diagnosed here. I felt ultimate freedom at first. Having all the answers. Then came the unimaginable grief and feeling like I desperately wanted to crawl out of myself and escape. It's been a year and some months now. I'm over the panic, the grief is occasional. I am grateful above all though. It's given me a chance to live my truth finally. To stop explaining away all my traits and basically lying to myself. I think the most horrifying part to me is coming to the realization all the missteps in life were related to ASD, and all the truths I "saw" from an ASD perspective were actually truths. And then to consider everything that family pointed out, complained about, disliked about me for 5 decades is nothing I can change. THAT is very difficult and brings about anger and complete distrust and hurt. If i can give one piece of advice for parents of girls that seem shy, that seem to shun societal expectations, roles. That are loud and opinionated at home and seem to be MORE of everything. Please do not mock them, or question their worth.

[@FirstmaninRome]

Yeah, that euphoria of finding out and learning, and reading and watching youtube videos fades, and at least I have pulled back more from people, well, from dating, and its just sad at this point. I was diagnosed at 42, 7 years ago, I thought I would feel great approaching 50, was the goal of most of my life, but thats coming up, and its hard to motivate myself, it's no Shanglala for sure.

[@BobIawblaugh]

Hey there! ❤️👋🏻😊 You said it best, sis (I have tears dripping off my chin). My daughters and I are autistic and I am late to the party as well (heh, per usual 😂). I’m now 41 and it ALL lines up perfectly. Went through the same stages as well. Hang in there, though. Keep working through that shadow work and you’ll get to the acceptance phase. Some days are definitely better than others, but please reach out if you’re in need of someone to talk to. Biggest hugs from Texas ❤️🙏🏻🤗

[@ExaltedDuck]

In my own journey, I feel a lot of resentment for it being called a disability. There are quite a few thing I can do that others can't, that impresses them. I see it as a trade-off. There are things most people seem to be innately capable of that are simply not an element of what I see in the world. To then, I considered more of a phenotypical diversity than a DISability. But I know that opinion is not the mainstream. My only advice, go out and share your love with the world whether or not the world seems to want to offer the same up to you. You will have been forged as an incredibly.powerful and independent person and if you made it to your middle age years without a diagnosis, then people probably admire those traits in you. Or fear them. You are a wolf among dogs and the modus operandi of the communal.packs is lead, follow, or get out of the way.

[@jimstanley7786]

Your experience is very similar to mine. I got diagnosed this year at the age of 49 and it's been quite and experience to come to terms with everything from a new perspective. But, it's really starting to get better. Good luck with everything.

[@sparks3603]

@@BobIawblaugh It was hard to read this again. So raw and real. But that's just like who we are, right??!! Hugs

[@Miss_Elaine_]

I got assessed yesterday. I consider it my second birthday. I'm 53. Here for it all.

[@pferreira1983]

I hope it helps you. 😊

[@mememcd4885]

I am 52, not diagnosed, thinking of going for assessment.

[@alisathomas7144]

🎉 Cheers 🎉

[@sireorcry]

I've never been sociable and prefer to persue my own interests. I only got married because my parents would have judged me. I absolutely hated being in a relationship, but I really tried my best. Now I'm a widow at 60 and I'm so contented to be single and not stressing about trying to act "normal" constantly. I have no close friends and I socialize when and if I want.❤

[@pferreira1983]

Companionship and friends is nice though. Being alone is not something I personally want forever.

[@sireorcry]

@@pferreira1983 me neither but the longer I wait, the more intimidating it seems!

[@pferreira1983]

@@sireorcry What we need is more support once we get out there to take part in social interactions. Booking to go to Comic Con is easy but the defeat we feel is when we get there and are alone amongst tons of strangers.

[@poboxchristmas380]

@@pferreira1983 the defeat of That Star Wars Girl getting a restraining order. 😝

[@Anubis424242]

It's a shame you couldn't have been in a relationship who lived your life the way you did or had similar interests. I wish you wouldn't have felt pressured into being in one anyway. I hate my parents so I'm done letting people pressure me or guilt trip me into things. I'm glad you're finally free from having to fake it till you make it.

[@kimberlypaulson4545]

Diagnosed, grief is real. I could have had a better life, could have been happy. I'm homeless now and my family doesn't believe in mental illnesses (I have multiple diagnosis). I'm 62.

[@pferreira1983]

I think certain organisations have really messed us over and I hope you can now get the help you should have got before. 👍

[@ildyivy]

@@pferreira1983 what organizations?

[@ildyivy]

I’m 46 and only now figuring this out and may also be looking at homelessness in my future. I’ve been like hidden homeless for many years of my life since about age 34. I lost so much not understanding what was wrong and why I couldn’t function like other people. I blamed myself a lot for my failures to integrate into society.

[@pferreira1983]

@@ildyivy Schools, colleges, universities, the government, councils, jobs, organisations you apply for a job, generally just people in groups, etc.

[@brianmeen2158]

@@ildyivysame here. I knew something was just way off growing up but I chalked it up to introversion and anxiety . They didn’t explain why work and relationships and daily functioning could be so difficult. My entire life I’ve been masking

[@gillb9222]

My eldest son is academically brilliant and creative (he broke many of the tests because he scored so high) but is currently completely unable to work. His sleep schedule, his difficulty with dealing with other people, the issues that come with his pathological demand avoidance and tbe trauma he has exoerienced at school and university have destroyed his (very high, until he was about 18) confidence and self esteem. At school everyone acceoted him as being brilliant but weird. The term 'thats just XXXXXX' seemed to be adopted by every teacher and every school he went to. He went to uni feeling he would finally be able to be accepted and he struggled when he was housed with students who were on the sports courses and were extroverted and liked to party (they were lovely guys but just different to him). He is now 23, living with his dad and cant cope at all with life. He should have been an incredible author...he knew he was an author at 9 yo, wrote his first two books by the age of 14 and published at 16. Now he hates writing because he feels like a failure because the constraints on his writing style and forcing him to write in styles that he hated has destroyed his confidence. The thing he loved most had been taken from him. My next son, however loves academia. They are starting a masters and will go on to their PHD. They cannot see a life outside of academia. My other 2 children are academically just as good but have both dropped out of education without qualifications because it was so traumatic. My youngest has no idea what to do with his life at all. Its hard to see this happen to your children when they have worked hard and are so talented. Its interesting that you say about birthdays . My oldest son has always had problems with blrthdays. He has always had meltdowns on his siblings' birthdays and the only time he has ever been truly 'told off' were when he bit children on two of his birthdays. We dont recognise his birthday any more because he hates it. He doesnt want to be centre of attention and he cant handle receiving gifts. He can do xmas (better but not well) becuase it isnt personal. As parents it took us a lot of understanding to realise that we were damaging him by forcing birthdays on him. We wanted to make him feel loved and valued on his birthday but we were actually forcing him to undergo trauma. Its hard for parents to understand when they need to step back.😢 If feel so sad hearing about the pressure that you feel trying to allay your parents anxiety. I hate to feel that my son is going through what you are, and you seem very similar

[@pferreira1983]

I will give you some consolation even though you might not accept it: your son is 23, he's in the prime of his life! I think your son has many years more before you can both worry about ambitions and future fulfilment. He's managed so much more than me by 20, I find that incredible. I think you'll be okay so don't worry too much. 👍😊

[@hannahk.summerville5908]

I relate to the first son you mentioned. University destroyed me. I always wanted to study, thinking that I would finally find 'my people'. Nope nopedi nope. I'm also a writer. My heart aches when you spoke about what he experienced in this area. My parents always shit on my creative endeavors and it almost killed me. Our special interests literally keep the spark of life in us. If he hasn't he could look into substack and self publishing. There are soooooo many very different writers out there. Terry Pratchett for example was very eccentric but the worlds he created are still so loved long after his death. Big hugs to you!

[@gillb9222]

@@hannahk.summerville5908 I'm so sorry that you went through this too, it was heartbreaking to see my son go through it and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. To see him broken in 3 short years was horrendous. I wish you all the best in the world. I always say to my kids that they don't need to put pressure on themselves, they don't have to comply, they just need to follow their hearts and the rest will fall into place. I believe in them and I know that they will find their path, I'm sure you will too. Remember that the world is set up for people without the ND creativity and insight so, truly, they are behind us not the other way round. I'm glad you mentioned Terry Pratchett as he is an icon of mine. He was who he was and found his path very successfully while being authentic.its hard to be authentic when the rules are stacked against you but I think k the rules will start to change ad more people realise that they aren't NT and they start living their own lives. I wish you the absolute best xx

[@johnrice1943]

Him writing what he loves would at least be productive, if not paid at first. The internet enables self publishing in many ways. Find a way to monetize what he does love. There's someone out there with money that will love reading his work. Just forget about "proper channels" and mainstream ways things are done. Forget getting a job doing what others want. If unemployed, do what you love for free, and that's better than doing nothing for free. My 2¢.

[@hiwall4883]

You sound like a wonderfully accepting parent, encouraging your brilliant but diverse children, but making allowances for when they struggle. Good job! I wish more parents of Autistic children were more like you.

[@archangel0009]

Now at almost 58, I come out of the closet for the second time. The first time was when I turned out to be gay. Now for the second time because I am on the autistic spectrum. It took a long time for me to know, but I am not the only one to discover that he is autistic in old age, a well-known example being the very renowned actor Anthony Hopkins. For me, this is a huge relief and clarifies many things that were unclear to me too. The many tensions, the burn-outs etc.I try and be as open as possible about it, both at work and privately. At work (I work in the communications department of the 'Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam'), I am setting up a support centre for employees with disabilities. What is important for me is to be visible as neuridivers. That people see that there are not only rainman-like people with autism, that it is so much more diverse. All my life I have felt and noticed being left out of everything, so in that sense I am used to standing out anyway, so better to make yourself visible and be honest about it, than to hide yourself. people will say or think all kinds of things about you anyway.

[@deceiver444]

I turned 46 and got diagnosed just one month ago. Right now I feel so drained, crippled, exhausted and depressed by this life of perpetual struggle and impression of not belonging anywhere.

[@pferreira1983]

The joy in getting a diagnosis is at least you can now look for ways to help your life. You at least have options regardless of whether they're successful or not.

[@srldwg]

​@@pferreira1983Positive outlook. We really would have benefited from an earlier diagnosis (Can't change it, so the positivity we can muster is pertinent.) Thank you for this interview. I admire you for putting yourself out there and advocating.

[@pferreira1983]

@@srldwg It actually immediately brought all my trolls out when it was posted but I think in the long run it might have staying power.

[@CuteCatsofIstanbul]

I haven't been diagnosed yet but doing the research and hearing stories has been like finally coming home to my planet after trying to find answers for soooo many years. To be honest, I'm so exhausted - physically and mentally, When I look at the resources available these days, I start to grief even deeper. Especially in terms of loneliness and employment, I just wish someone had told me 'this is how they act, this is what they expect, don't blame yourself, and these are your fellow aliens'. I'm turning 46 this year, I'm just so grateful I have cats in my life - and that I love all animals and appreciate the little things in life as well. I fed a few birds this morning - that's true happiness for me, watching them, being close to them, what a privilege.

[@pferreira1983]

If it makes you happy feel free to get a professional diagnosis. Not sure if it will be helpful for your life but it might be?

[@peacefuldoves]

The wait in uk in my County is 3.7 yesrs, i would get on the list.... then yiu can refuse, just join the endless queue. I could weep. I love dogs but in a flat sadly... breaks me up. Birds are gorgeous... thanks for feeding them. ❤

[@meeeeze]

My friend, as an animal lover, have you every learned about veganism?

[@CuteCatsofIstanbul]

@@meeeeze Yes, my friend, I’ve been a vegan for 13 years ❤️🌱

[@meeeeze]

@@CuteCatsofIstanbul amazing!! I've been vegan for 5 years now 🙂💚🌱🐾

[@hiwall4883]

I really understand the job search struggles, the feedback is crazy. I once did a job application where I had to do an online exam as a part of the interview, I had to answer a series of questions within a certain time frame, I could see my score as I went and I could see I had passed. I didn't get the job, the feedback was that I hadn't passed the online exam! (I had all the other qualifications and experience on my Resume) I thought that was odd, as my computer score was actually above average, so I asked to see a copy of my exam score 😂 They said no because of privacy laws, and told me they would give no further feedback 😳 Crazy stuff

[@pferreira1983]

Similar situation to trying to apply to the BBFC in the UK. I probably will never be able to work there.

[@misspat7555]

At one point, I applied for 40 jobs, got 2 interviews (including monitoring the salad bar at a restaurant), and zero job offers. Basically, you have to apply for everything you might be successful for any amount of time at, do your best with the interviews, and hope. I’m probably pushing 30 distinct jobs I’ve worked at this point. I think I’ve been outright fired 6 times. 😮‍💨

[@brianwright8374]

I'm about to turn 47, and I'm going in for evaluation here in a couple of months. Since I've started researching autism and the symptoms of this condition, it's like for the first time in my life, I don't think I'm crazy. I just want to get a diagnosis, so I finally have an answer to why life has felt like such a struggle.

[@pferreira1983]

I wish you the best of luck.

[@ryanjohnjackson]

Same here. 46.

[@myhoose90]

me too.....i'm 51 and was referred onto the NHS waiting list 3 months ago

[@pferreira1983]

@@myhoose90 Took me a year to get an assessment. That was pre-pandemic so I hope you don't have to wait so long.

[@myhoose90]

@@pferreira1983 I'm approaching 6 month but I'm well aware of the wait time unfortunately

[@vazzaroth]

"There's all this competition but why aren't I in the competition?" That's about the most salient moment of the autistic experience I have seen yet, and works as a great 'slogan' of the neurodiversity movement. So many of us are getting sick and tired of being told "well that's just how it is" when the person saying that's reality of "it" sure seems so vastly different than our experience with "that" not matching up at all! If "that's just life", then why is YOUR life working out pretty well but OURS turns out on the downside of the coin so often, then, hmm??????!!! And if there's one thing this group of people can do, it's detect a lie about the nature of their own experience!

[@pferreira1983]

When I fit the job description and provide a good application to not get an interview is...a little weird. It's incredibly frustrating after years of applying.

[@sampreston1791]

"Oh boy" Got to LOVE Quantum Leap! Scott Backula and Dean Stockwell worked so well together. My whole friendship group at school watched it.

[@pferreira1983]

I know! When I rewatch or get back into a show or film I obsess and devote time to studying it.

[@hedwigwendell-crumb91]

Pedro is spot on here 1:07:35. This is why I always feel out of place, like an alien among bald monkeys. People never share or understand my perspective. I find people so bland and sheep-like. Few think deeply about anything. It is frustrating and lonely. I have also been banned from several platforms for stating my alternative opinion, sometimes for stating facts that people dont like.

[@pferreira1983]

I've been banned for silly reasons, all because the mods in charge don't share the same politics as me and dislike me as a result. They give free reign to people who aren't very nice because they share the same opinions.

[@johnrice1943]

Can relate

[@pferreira1983]

@@johnrice1943 There are some people posting in here for example who are trying to pin all my issues on me alone as the problem. The popular tactic of bullies.

[@brianmeen2158]

While I don’t necessarily need to talk about quantum physics I do find what most people talk about to be shockingly dull. They can spend hours just talking about shopping or local gossip or drama .. my mind just falls asleep during that but if you want any sort of friendship to last you must endure it. I think at this point I’ve pretty much given up on friendships and serious relationships are a pipe dream

[@pferreira1983]

@@brianmeen2158 I think forum mods don't make life any easy for autistic people. In a lot of cases it comes across they're worse off than me.

[@misspat7555]

As always, I am an outlier even among outliers. I self-identified ADHD in 1998 at 16 from reading a book. In 2003 at 21, home from college on summer break, my mother suggested I might be “Aspie”, as my 7 y.o. cousin had just been diagnosed. I was like, “Sure, okay, maybe, fine, I see no reason to throw time and energy into pursuing this right now, though; kinda busy trying to become a physician assistant!”, though I did get diagnosed ADHD-PI at 22 as I was flunking/dropping out of that program. My focus was on getting away from my parents and getting married to my boyfriend and starting a family. Ten years later, divorced, a single mother, living with my mom, fired (again), my mother suggested I should get disability for autism. That was… profoundly unhelpful, given it often takes years to get a formal diagnosis, then still more years to get disability, which isn’t enough to live on, anyway. I soldiered on into further adventures in employment, love and marriage, another baby, and ultimately, financial independence and widowhood. Now, I’m finally getting serious about pursuing a diagnosis, but I’ve thought I was “maybe a little autistic” (I’m actually really a lot autistic) for half my life now, and I’ve known I had ADHD-PI and been medicated off and on my whole adult life, so this isn’t super shocking or overwhelming. I just hope it helps keep myself and my also ADHD-PI/autistic daughter fed and off the streets long-term. ❤

[@pferreira1983]

I hope it provides you with some help.

[@TheZGALa]

Self diagnosed at age 51, and shifting my perspective on the usefulness of the labels at age 52...looking forward to blooming into another new me in 2024. So many relatable aspects to being wired differently, and also, ultimately we all do the best we can with the 'hand' we are delt. I am grateful for the upsides, and try to understand and have compassion for the 'downsides'. Being compassionate and gullible is still preferable to being 'typical' to me. Thank you both for the thought provoking conversation!

[@pferreira1983]

It's a conversation that I felt needed to be talked about so I'm grateful you liked it. 😊

[@ravenspace]

gullibility is my middle name 😭

[@buhboon]

It would be interesting to know about Pedro's diagnosis journey. A lot of late-diagnosed folks with content online seem to have autism itself as a special interest, and also have a larger interest in identity, mental health, etc. that's seems related to why they sought out diagnosis late in life in the first place. That or having autistic children diagnosed. Pedro seems to have a different relationship to autism as a topic than most content creators (at least from what I see in this episode), so it would be valuable to know what the late discovery/diagnosis process was like for him.

[@pferreira1983]

I always did poorly in school. It wasn't until 1999 I was diagnosed with Dyslexia. Due to constant failure achieving what I wanted in life I developed a health anxiety disorder in 2010 which made my autistic traits more pronounced, more noticeable. In 2018 I was picked on by social media members on mass for disliking a creative choice in a television show. With backlash also from my sister I asked to see if I had a certain word we're not supposed to use any more (Asperger's). I did indeed have autism but it took one year to get a diagnosis which I got in 2019. Since then I've been learning but continue to stumble without good direction as to a career and friendships/relationships.

[@Lotusblume.8]

I thought it was very informative and interesting information you gave us about your situation. I’m really sorry you haven’t been able to make more positive connections. I do believe with more knowledge you acquire about autism, you’ll be able to reach out to communities maybe. Also maybe you could instruct or tutor people in computer science, since you seem to be good at that. Just a thought. Good luck 🍀.

[@pferreira1983]

@@Lotusblume.8 I have zero knowledge of computer science but thank you for your kind words. I'm always open to more opportunities to talk about my experiences and struggles. It's nice to share and find a place to put my voice out. 😊

[@ravenspace]

@@pferreira1983 thank you for making this video with Thomas, i enjoyed listening and i relate to much of it. When i was diagnosed auadhd at 50 i had people say "why do you need a label?" i say "my last label was 'didn't try hard enough' so i'll take autism thanks"

[@pferreira1983]

@@ravenspace It's been a few years since my diagnosis and positive progress has been slow but while I had more going on in terms of income/finance before my diagnosis I wasn't happy. I now have a reason for who I am, the big struggle is making something positive with it.

[@claudiaochayon2730]

Anyone who doesn't try to get know autistic people are missing out on honest quirky interesting people and we deserve support emotional and financially. With him good luck and found it interesting 😊

[@pferreira1983]

Thank you! That means a lot! 😊

[@Spacecadet499]

This was sweet thank you lol sometimes I feel like many ppl are missing out on how we can be included and be an asset to community .

[@kyrieT418]

Thank you for addressing this issue. I was finally diagnosed at 49 years old. Although I was dragged around by the mental health system my entire life, it wasn't untill my husband noticed I was acting very similar to a lot of ASD struggles he had that I was diagnosed.

[@pferreira1983]

Interestingly it was my social media presence and obsessiveness that did it for me! 😂

[@hispoiema]

I'm 59 and not yet diagnosed. Even if and when I get on the waiting list (been in process since February) it is a 4 year wait at that point for assessment. Just found you yesterday.

[@turtleanton6539]

4 yrs ! ? In your country tjat is isane

[@pferreira1983]

I was diagnosed a year before Covid. I hear things have got worse. It's really sad.

[@sireorcry]

Well you found us, too! I've found so many of our tribe all over KZbin. So many communities have people on the spectrum, it's a wonderful gathering place in a live stream ❤

[@beadingbusily]

​@@sireorcryVery true!

[@ryanjohnjackson]

@@pferreira1983 in NY I was told due to covid there are memory issues which require same skill set for neuro. Also, while staying in many learned about themselves.

[@juicesoundsystem]

Our timings line up quite well - I was born in 84 then also diagnosed around 37ish in 2020. It's a wild ride because you don't understand why everyone else seems to be having an easier time (not in all ways!) and why the social aspect of life is so damn difficult. Also I would recommend getting into Miami Vice! The aesthetic was actually manufactured by the director and became to be known as 'what the 80s looked like', however it's still an incredible snap shot into that era. And the soundtrack....

[@pferreira1983]

I really have been wanting to get into the TV series. Thanks for the recommendation! In terms of 80's TV I have found Street Hawk a hidden gem I didn't know about before.

[@mortenle]

I was diagnosed a few months ago at 59. Very late. But I bet my dad convinced the teachers who wanted to put me in Special Ed classes, as we used to call them, back in fourth grade. I felt some freedom at first, but the emotions from knowing and wishing some of my choices had been different are very difficult.

[@pferreira1983]

It really halts out progress in life. We could be doing so much more.

[@angienichols1248]

Thank you for helping me understand this.

[@pferreira1983]

Seeking help is where it gets tricky. Understanding I found was the easier part.

[@theproductivecannabisconno7147]

I totally and completely can relate to Pedro. I am still working on getting a diagnosis for Autism Spectrum Disorder and I am 50 years old. Thank you for this interview.

[@pferreira1983]

A lot of opportunities slipped through by fingers because I wasn't diagnosed earlier. Addressing this in an interview is hopefully my first step to changing things.

[@emb21982]

Also wanted to say I can relate with regards to job applications. Companies not clearly communicating what they want can be absolutely infuriating. I've been to several job interviews recently where I got through the first interview and then in the second interview what they want from the candidate is entirely different from what they said in the first interview and job description. Sometimes I think they don't know what they want and just go off a general "vibe" rather than logically assessing the candidate's skills and experience. Which sucks for neurodiverse people because they get overlooked even when you could be a huge asset to the company.

[@pferreira1983]

Wow, I'd be glad to get to interview stage! From experience the best applications cannot guarantee an interview.

[@emb21982]

@@pferreira1983 It has really changed a lot in the past couple of years as well. Now you have to re-write your CV for each application to make sure the wording matches the job description since a lot of companies use AI to filter the CVs. But you also have to make sure it still looks good if read by a human, it's so difficult 😭 It's really hard to know what they want sometimes. My friend suggested trying agencies as well since they can give advice and can recommend you to the company which increases your chance of getting an interview. Best of luck to you in your job search 💕

[@pferreira1983]

@@emb21982 Yep, already done what you suggested, still didn't even get to interview stage. It's crazy.

[@Eduisit]

I like this guy, seems kind and caring. I worry he doesn’t get why he’s not getting interviews - they say he’s not providing the right info and not mentioning zeitgeist issues, like equity, but he still doesn’t get it. Ask someone else to fill it out, like a job coach. Clearly nothing else will work, because he’s tried so many times by himself. Also, it sounds like he’s had a long gap between jobs, and that is a huge deficit as well. I hope someone helps him understand these things and that he follows their advice.

[@pferreira1983]

Thank you for your kind response. You're completely correct, unfortunately charities I've been attending like Care Trade refuse to do the applications for me. It's a shame because I would have a better chance at getting a job from an interview.

[@cristinaroe2166]

I really understand and empathise with the disappointment of not having fulfilled my life's ambitions and goals. Hugs, bro👍😘🙏

[@pferreira1983]

Thank you, that's very kind. Unfortunately there are already some who have tried to take advantage of my experiences for their own agenda. Quite sad.

[@brianmeen2158]

What I’ve found out is if you have autism you had better really dial down your expectations . When I was younger I would be consistently disappointed because i couldn’t function at a level that I wanted. So often I was frustrated and tired and needing to recharge . Plus I ruled out the possibility of marriage and kids years ago . I’m not really sure what keeps me going or what my goals are

[@pferreira1983]

@@brianmeen2158 Expectations you are correct can cause mental health issues in the long run however having goals in life, even small goals keeps you active and gives you something to achieve.

[@jess.singswithleaves6]

I'm in a pretty bad burnout and putting thoughts together is difficult but I'm really glad I found your podcast (first time listener). I'm also late diagnosed (38) and I relate to a ton of this. Here's a ❤ for you. 😊

[@pferreira1983]

Thanks for listening. Hopefully I wasn't too annoying.

[@babbagebrassworks4278]

Did not get my drivers license till I was 24, the trick was calming music. Fell into depression when commuting without music.

[@micheals1992]

Ive seen this so many times with other autistic people. They struggle to walk away from abusers because they can't. Its horrible.

[@pferreira1983]

1) Someone has enthusiasm for something/sees value in something 2) Groups of people don't like that thing so they bully that person to control their opinion 3) Person reacts and responds 4) Bullies complain about person being rude to people This is what has happened to me. I'm supposed to be the problem according to the bullies and trolls due to 1) and 3).

[@CardinalTreehouse]

36:56 He IS the diversity in the workplace - or would have been had Pedro been seen for what he can bring to the team instead of ways he would not fit in. I really feel for you, Pedro.

[@pferreira1983]

Thank you. This feedback specifically was that I didn't show I was aware of diversity in the workplace. To be honest I never thought to mention this on my application. I don't typically go into workplaces and get in awe over non-white/disability people. I just kind of expect it so comments like that felt very much nit picking.

[@CardinalTreehouse]

@@pferreira1983 You may have mentioned in the video but how was this brought up? It seems so weird to me that they would do an interview, not talk about diversity, then say that you not mentioning it was an issue.

[@pferreira1983]

@@CardinalTreehouse No it was feedback from the application. My application never got an interview but I was allowed feedback on my application. That was one of the things I was supposed to have talked about in my application. Another was promoting communication via email, again something that not only really had nothing to do with the job I was going for (archive assistant) but also not thinking about it since most people in an office job today use email to communicate. Some very odd excuses to give as to why I wasn't allowed an interview.

[@hedwigwendell-crumb91]

I found this interview question absolutely stupid. As a mixed-ethnicity person who grew up in London, F yes I am aware of diversity. Furthermore, being a mixed-ethnicity, disabled person in the workplace, I AM the diversity, as someone commented. Absolutely stupid and pointless question that people can lie about anyway. I know a racist & homophobic person who works in the diversity and inclusion section of HR! They lied to get the job.

[@pferreira1983]

@@hedwigwendell-crumb91 It was certainly a ridiculous thing they wanted me to talk about in my application, I would never feel the need to even mention we have diversity in the workplace. By the way it was The Guardian who I was applying to.

[@k98killer]

I have never held a full time position, even when I applied for one. I have always only ever done contract work, which means that I get none of the benefits designed for neurotypical workers. Sometimes, the work dries up entirely -- I occasionally have long stretches without paid work, e.g. April of last year through January of this year or all of 2019. Life is precarious.

[@pferreira1983]

Certain organisations keep wanting me to do unpaid work experience but I know I could be doing paid work.

[@pferreira1983]

I just want to thank Thomas for allowing me to share my experience of life with autism and learning difficulties. I would like to add that since this interview I did receive feedback about one failed application. It showed that my scores for my competency based questions were very low. If this is the reason over the past nearly twenty years I haven't been able to get interviews for roles that further correlates with what I was told at Job Centre Plus that I shouldn't be doing applications by myself but more worryingly also that the help I have been receiving from various charities with applications have not been doing a good job. It's either that or poor HR, maybe both. 🤔

[@ryanjohnjackson]

it might help if you let others see your answers (if they aren't private) to evaluate if it's due to how you answer questions. I take a significant amount of time to fill out forms and if there's an open question I go off into my head questioning what they REALLY want or mean. I believe I am very similar to you in many aspects but i heavily masked to present as extrovert which gives me exhausting anxiety. I spend tons of time learning to analyze what others are looking for and sometimes i fail hard because I just can't read their intentions and have an OCD loop obsessing over which way to answer or present.

[@pferreira1983]

@@ryanjohnjackson The major issue for me going forward is that whether I answer competency based questions by myself or get help from a work coach who helps in recruitment I get the same results. Perhaps I need a recruitment agency or work coach who really understands how to get people to interview stage? The help I've received so far hasn't been that useful and the coaches have seemed ill equipped to help me. When it comes to masking growing up I never really successfully masked which is why I always got picked on or seen as the butt of jokes for being different. The difference is by 2010 the stress over not wanting to be where I wanted to be in life became too much and since then due to being overwhelmed I ended up with a health anxiety disorder, not just more noticeable autistic traits.

[@StagecoachMANALX300]

Late Diagnosis is a blessing for those who were unable to do so when they really should have been in the decades preceding nevetheless, the downside is trying to get people to realise this was the case all along, finding enough information and support for oneself enabling you to have as best a quality of life as possible and of course, information and support for your family, relatives and friends to help them understand you better. I was also late diagnosed as a result of the necessary funding could not be secured, the relevant data sources (or enough of them) did not exist which therefore meant, that comprehensive research and detailed data analysis could not be done. It also meant that potential diagnostic techniques could not even be designed or drafted so any possible autistic person would be at a high risk of incorrect diagnosis.

[@pferreira1983]

It's generally felt by myself and those around me that if I was given support earlier I would have a career, find it easier to get jobs, find it easier to talk to people as well as have friends. My full potential as a human being hasn't been maximised to its best.

[@therealavolpe]

​@@pferreira1983 Sometimes you have to take responsibility for your own actions, Pedro..

[@pferreira1983]

@@therealavolpe Can you elaborate on that A Volpe?

[@nobody8328]

Therealavolpe, that's a very common neurotypical response, and it shows that you misunderstand what autism is. Would you tell a blind person to just open their eyes and look around? Or tell a paraplegic to just try harder to stand up? The fundamental nature of autism prevents us from being able to understand social interactions. That's ~literally~ what autism is. Believe me, if we could figure this stuff out by ourselves, we would.

[@therealavolpe]

@@pferreira1983 Yes Pedro, it means that you are the captain of your own destiny, that you have had opportunities but w,asted them, and you could have done something with your life, but you chose not to..

[@nickglover9007]

This is interesting and definitely painful. I know a LOT about these experiences. You can FEEL his struggle (Pedro). These guys are different but at least they are talking to each other. I think the guy in the green shirt hardly finds anyone to talk to. Sure he is a bit angry but you can see why. At least he got to talk about his pain with a real person, another Autistic person. Thomas has found a way through, whereas his guest Pedro is very alone. I am kind of like a mix of these two people. I was diagnosed at 59 years old, now 72. That is a tough gig, but I have tried hard all my life. Never gave up. But I understand when others do, and it is all too easy to understand that. I would also add that Pedro's Indian ethnicity may have added to his feelings of rejection, maybe a bit more than Thomas. It appears no one has wanted to employ Pedro. Having Autism and a Learning difficulty, this often happens. I did find work, and just put up with the bullying and fears. But I am a white guy with a couple of degrees, so at least I could 'act' normal enough to get a job, but still was really hard. If I knew Pedro, I would try to befriend him. As like him, I am very alone too.

[@pferreira1983]

Just to clarify I'm not Indian. My parents are Portuguese, I was born in the UK so I classify as white. Thanks for the comments and you are correct I had to do this interview because reaching 40 I had to make some progress in my life. The problem of course is the way the system works and the lack of advocacy I'm getting. My mental health is not great right now and help is not easy to get. I just take it one step at a time but it is frustrating.

[@reflectiveFrankC]

I feel the various issues discussed. I'm 74 and only recently discovered being autistic. Enough self talk though. What I'm recognising is a big need to bring autistic people together fro their own local areas. We all have very different gifts and skills to bring. Through shared problems in autistic groups solutions might be generated. I managed as an art teacher to get a few years of temp work in Ed support. I found I had some success with autistic students because of relatable communication issues. Visual communication helped. Patience in listening Also important. I suspect another area needed is training to overcome our fear responses (very strong in many), it seems the more difficult head banging self harming students were doing it from frustration at not being able to communicate.. using visual symbols was a way of helping one particular student. It encouraged initially just drawing horse pictures her hidden talent but was a beginning to helping develop communication with her. On the bullying it has helped me to learn most bullies that try to harm others are really crying out for help in their actions. Calling it out sensitively offering positive benefits of getting noticed is more fulfilling in the long run. Probably haven't explained this well. Hope it connects somehow. Thanks for the opportunity.

[@pferreira1983]

So often the people bullying others are not held accountable for what they've done. If cyber bullying is still outside of what the police can do then raising awareness of these harassers is important, especially as the bullies act like cowards, hoping not to get caught.

[@reflectiveFrankC]

Calling bullies out I agree withbut police tend only to punish and bully back thus keeping a spiral of fear going. Somewhere there is a loving (wanting the greatest good) energy we can tap into that heals.

[@pferreira1983]

@@reflectiveFrankC It's confidence which ironically the bullies don't have. My experience with the bullies is control over opinions.

[@annanicholson7923]

Older here and in the process of getting a diagnosis, was diagnosed with dyslexia at 13 when very few were getting diagnosed because my struggles with reading etc were so prominent

[@pferreira1983]

I got diagnosed at 16, AFTER my GCSEs. 🤦‍♂

[@kimrobinson6285]

Difficult to live as an autistic in today's society? You should have tried growing up with zero awareness that a girl can even HAVE autism! Even though there is a long way to go, young people now have accomodations I never dreamed of, had I even known what was wrong! The struggle is real, but we also need to acknowledge how far we've come. I grew up with no awareness, no accomodations, no groups to join, no one to share with...just a lonely weirdo who didn't fit anywhere and who got no special treatment except to be singled out by bullies and a family who had no idea what I was.

[@pferreira1983]

Bear in mind today's generation have it a little easier than my generation did.

[@terrigoulding559]

I wonder if Pedro has mentioned his dyslexia when applying for jobs? Also, maybe working with a disability career coach may help to find jobs that would compliment his disability. I could see him starting a KZbin channel to talk about his video game collection. I’m sure there are others with this common interest. Wishing him all the best. I’m sure he could also benefit from counselling.

[@pferreira1983]

Thank you for your comment. Counselling can only help so far. Advocacy is really what I need more of in life due to a lack of friends and contacts, the latter of which forget about me not long after I network with them. I do mention my neurodiversity in my applications but always but a positive spin on it in terms of providing the advantages to the role. Regardless of whether I do mention my disabilities or not I still do not get interviews or work. There is no difference in outcome either way. I think more advocacy could really help me in the future. This interview or at least one of the segmented parts increased the amount of online abuse I was getting from the trolls I mentioned here so the more positive traction this interview gets for instance would help increase my reputation more.

[@siunoconnor6878]

I would second this idea of starting your own channel Pedro. It’s the first thing I looked for after watching this video. I’m certain there are people (I being one), who would appreciate your insights into your interests in either film, tv and/or retro games. You have a really nice voice too. I wish you the best ❤

[@pferreira1983]

@@siunoconnor6878 Thank you so much. I think the main problems are two things: a) I don't have the technical competence to have a channel with professionally made content and b) due to all the bullying and harassment currently going on my videos would attract the wrong types of people. I have had audio from this interview be used to make defamation videos about me using AI. I'm currently trying to be careful about what I put out there about me so I'm not providing certain people with more content to misrepresent or twist.

[@justinhall3243]

I am at the age of 53 coming around to the conclusion that I have level one ASD and I find this to be devastating.

[@pferreira1983]

I'm so sorry man. Try and get a diagnosis and see where you can go from there.

[@captmalingering]

Quantum leap OG is the best thing ever! I’m audhd (diagnosed at 35) and watched it with my dad starting in 1994 and have watched it many times since!

[@pferreira1983]

It's a great show isn't it? Not been a big fan of the reboot though.

[@AutisticBarbie]

I’m afraid to drive too - I can, but it’s a lot and I prefer to live in an area where I can get things done on foot. Great video ❤

[@pferreira1983]

Oooooo driving. That's another thing I will need to face at some point. Whether or not to learn to drive.

[@333peppy333]

Neurotypical people can absolutely tell whether or not you are going to fit in to their work culture. Unless you can really do a great acting job during the interview, they aren't going to bother. Your qualifications or work ethic do not matter at all. It's all about how you present. But here is the cautionary tale. IF you interview and get a job, you MUST fit in to the work culture or you won't last, you won't get promotions, you won't be accommodated. Not only that, but work life will likely be torture. You are forced into the social aspect of work culture. There is no choice. You can't work and excel at your job, and then go home. There are always meetings, teams, collaborations, and "forced fun". And your social deficits will far outshine your strengths. The fact is, the people you work with will not be using literal language. So when you are asked or told things or given instructions and expected to "get the hint" or read the body language and tone to understand what you are supposed to do, you will be forced to guess what they mean. And if you ask for clarification people think you are incompetent. So the actual work environment is awful. Even when the people you work with are lovely, they still won't like or include you. I am not nearly as intelligent or educated as you are, so I can imagine this feels so much worse for you. It is sad that my big accomplishment in life is getting and holding down an entry level job in a public library barely making a living wage. I've been there 22 years and have 13 years until I retire. I need heath insurance, co I can't quit. I do a wonderful job. But I still worry about being fired because of my social and communication deficits. No one believes I have a disability.

[@pferreira1983]

The thing is I never even got the interviews for them to recognise I was autistic or not. The problems I am having are at application stage.

[@Evanx373]

I got jerked around like that while applying for jobs a lot before I filed disability. The most common one I ran into was they made up job requirements that weren't on the job listing. So frustrating. I didn't even ask for special accomodations as I have a commercial driving license and that's the type of work I did. Autism isn't why I'm now disabled either but it is a factor.

[@pferreira1983]

I've been walking around in circles for years now. It's amazing no one is willing to look at the issues I face and do something about them.

[@misspat7555]

@@pferreira1983Nobody cares. Workers are treated as disposable and have been for decades. Hence the rise in unions.

[@Slack3rDav3]

One thing that helped me get interviews was tailoring my resume to the job application, and using their language in my resume. Doesn't help IN the interview, but does help defeat the robots and HR filters

[@pferreira1983]

Yeah I have tried that but no success so far.

[@Slack3rDav3]

I spent a good 11 months looking. Applied to well over 1000 jobs. Just had to expand locations I was looking. Still found something in an area of interest, and have happily been in my job for over 6 years now. Unfortunately it's in a place I don't really want to live, but oh well.

[@pferreira1983]

@@Slack3rDav3 That happens. I worked very far once but even though I could do the job it was a dead end job, I wasn't respected by my colleagues and it was a three hour journey time each day.

[@autisticautumn7379]

Diagnosed at 52 now 57.Its been tough

[@pferreira1983]

Can I ask like me were you always looked down upon my others like in the workplace?

[@Catlily5]

I was picked on in nusery school as well. I got diagnosed at age 47.

[@pferreira1983]

I think I could have succeeded more in life if I was diagnosed earlier.

[@Catlily5]

@@pferreira1983 I wonder about that too. I was treated for mental health problems instead. It helped somewhat but was not quite the right approach.

[@hedwigwendell-crumb91]

I have also applied for jobs at organisations that claim to be disability confident. They claim you will get an interview if you meet the minimum criteria. I declared my neurodiversity on the application forms. I didn't get interviews for two of the roles so I emailed the hiring managers to tell them I didn't get an interview and I feel I should have been invited for interview. They both claimed that after looking at my application form, I should have been invited for interview based on my skills and experience (so why wasn't I invited in the first place?!). I declined the interviews, as there is clearly disability discrimination going on there. Furthermore, I asked what they mean when they say you have to meet the minimum criteria to get an interview. Doesn't everyone have to meet the minimum criteria to be invited for interview? So that basically tells me that they prioritise able-bodied people and disabled people are an afterthought and only get invited for interview because they HAVE to invite them, not because they are a fair and just organisation. The whole thing is BS and it stinks.

[@pferreira1983]

When they talk about meeting the criteria they I assume are talking about the application addressing the job experience required. Still, if they're looking at your CV they would know even without the application you can do the job. I can't figure it out. 🤷‍♂

[@PerteTotale]

job requirements / skills in an add are not the same as those the firm has in mind ( or behind doors). 2 different sets!! in case of a HR firm in between, it gets worse, they got the short(ened) list from the hiring firm, so the HR add skills to filter for the best candidates. the wishlist paradox! i noticed many case of these blueprints that are passed around for more than a decade! Also a warning about job coaches: they do that job for the money, not to get you hired, cos they get more work the more unemployed there are. simple, isntit? and they get nasty when they get exposed of just talkin bs and wasting time

[@Anubis424242]

I never got diagnosed with anything even though I did try to do it as an adult. I gave up because it always felt like those "professionals" cared more about money than actually helping. Some of my past therapists were kinda helpful. After all that life isn't for me and it never has been. I'm done trying to live a life I was forced to endure from day 1.

[@renovareuk]

its good to hear a story similar to myself, its good to hear my problems are similar

[@pferreira1983]

I think it reached the point I had to talk about this.

[@babbagebrassworks4278]

Nearly 64, lost my job a year ago. End of a career of 45 years in electronics, a nerd job dealing with other nerds. Now trying to weaponize my autism into a career transition to making money.

[@N-xi2zh]

JUST put it all in BTC, SOL, and SUI. NO leverage. some memecoins. SOME (not many) successfully weaponize their Autism and ADHD in crypto. Trading or investing... remember INVESTING>>>>>> trading anyday.

[@towzone]

It is impossible to compete with typicals who lie and exaggerate on their CV, when we are bound by integrity. Most CVs will look better than ours, no matter how qualified we are.

[@pferreira1983]

The one thing I don't consider enough is that half the roles advertised are filled internally before the role is advertised externally. It's a no one situation.

[@misspat7555]

@@pferreira1983Also, many jobs advertised now are “ghost jobs”. Someone MIGHT get hired, if the perfect person willing to be lowballed shows up, but they are otherwise used to lie to overworked employees that more help will come “soon”, collect information regarding the local worker market, give the impression the business is growing, and secure government money. 😑

[@bigbad123321]

I got my diagnosis two years ago; I'm 39 now. I worked for my uncle's business as a support worker for most of my adult life, I realised just how bad this job affected my mental health after I finished it a few years ago to go to University and study Computing. I got my degree last year. Getting an interview has been hard work, but I finally have an interview tomorrow for an internship police intelligence role. I've been practicing for the interview, but finding it so hard and stressful. The interview is tomorrow and I'm having trouble sleeping because I'm so worried. I don't even know if I'm going to like this role. I still don't know what I want to do with my life. If it was up to me I'd be happy enough playing video games and watching pro wrestling on a full-time basis for the rest of my life. But of course, that doesn't pay the bills. I've had no help since my diagnosis and still live with parents which isn't ideal. But I can't afford to move out. I'm stuck in a rut.

[@pferreira1983]

I hope you get the role and it works out for you. 👍

[@JonathanFrazer-qm1oc]

I just got a diagnosis from a well regarded professional . It seemed so hasty. I have been off kilter my entire life, don't drive, and employment has been erratic and meager. I have been isolating for years. My first therapy appointment is this afternoon. I'm still in doubt of the diagnosis somehow. I'm 52.

[@staceykennedy3289]

Thanks!

[@t-man5196]

I like how he says "farty auti" due to his British accent instead of Thoughty Auti.

[@Peter-wc7dg]

Pedro, you remind me a bit of a younger me. You will make life easier for yourself if you create/use different handles on different profiles that aren't your actual name, and you should also make details of your profiles private, because that will make it harder for people to target you. If you use the same profile and rename it, you'll keep your karma etc, but will still be trackable. It might be worth starting over. You may also like to take some time to reflect on criticisms to see if there is anything to learn in there, or if it can all be discarded as nonsense. While it can seem like it is necessary to engage with content to find meaning, importance and connection, it can also be good to take a step back (it is hard at first) and just to read people's comments and how others interact. While we can be passionate about a topic, our interaction may not be received and responded to the way we think it will, and until we can reasonably guess how our comments will be received, it just opens us up to attack until we have taken the time to really think through some of our views and how they will be received (I have gone through this process - it took a long time, but it was worth it in my case). A bit of an internet search found your accounts and the ones criticising you - you might want to reflect a bit on your literal interpretation of the meaning of some of the groups that you align with (e.g. the incels) as a person who is involuntarily celibate. From an outside view this can be read as meaning that your view is that other fully formed human beings with their own upbringing and lives, just like you, owe sex - can you imagine if some guy expected that of you? Your intentions may well be pure, but you can get tarred with an negative brush for aligning with that group. You might have more luck trying to form connections with Autism groups and people with shared interests (such as the console you like). These groups are more likely to be genuinely supportive, and are less likely to carry negative stigmas. If you can let go (at least a bit) of the rigid need to express your views and to listen more to the views of others you may find, as I did, that life becomes a bit easier. This doesn't matter whether you or the other person is left/right of the political spectrum or any other issue. You can rely on your shared humanity to begin learning how to engage in a more (honest?) 'human' level, without the shell of thoughts and beliefs that we build around ourselves. It is so tempting to press your point/s but if you can give time and space, you will build better connections (for anyone, Autistic or not. Slowing down, genuinely engaging with others and asking what they think and why they think that may open a lot of doors for you - you don't have to agree with them - but if you listen to people and help them understand that you respect them, you may well find that you can make more friends and connections.

[@PeterParker-fx9dl]

I'm almost 38 years old. Finally was able to start getting some mental health help about a year ago. Still trying to get financial assistance to get a diagnosis support.

[@pferreira1983]

Some years after being diagnosed I'm still trying to get the financial support I deserve. 😆

[@jessedeeton7434]

Late-diagnosis has pushed self-terminating thoughts, plans and contingencies to an everyday level. ASD has only made things worse.

[@pferreira1983]

I know how you feel. Can you imagine what we could have achieved had we been supported years earlier? 😥

[@jessedeeton7434]

It has compelled me to love things, places and animals more than I EVER will another human. It makes me want to become a real-life Dexter Morgan, just on principle😈

[@pferreira1983]

@@jessedeeton7434 Hopefully without all the killing! 😂

[@jessedeeton7434]

​@@pferreira1983Then what other possible point could there in using THAT drastic of a simile be? I appreciate you trying to make light, but it comes across as both dismissive and disingenuous. Neurotypical traits/social behaviors that infuriate ASDs

[@pferreira1983]

@@jessedeeton7434 Well I certainly don't think becoming a killer is the way forward.

[@jackd.rifter3299]

I've had the interview issue myself until someone helped me fill out the application for jobs. Apparently employers (for certain jobs) would rather you lie and learn as you go. But if one of the questions is "do you get along well with others?" and you don't but you say you do, they're going to find out eventually that you actually don't and that you don't handle high-stress situations well. Needless to say I didn't last long and am now considered "disabled" and paid enough to exist.

[@pferreira1983]

I did get help recently with a job application. I thought she did a great job but didn't get an interview. It could be a discrimination against listing autism in an application? 🤔

[@jackd.rifter3299]

@@pferreira1983 That could be. I haven't disclosed that with employers though because I already had a hard enough time trying to get hired without disclosing it. I'm currently on SSI as Social Security deems me disabled or not capable of sustaining a job and being able live. The longest job I've had only lasted three months.

[@pferreira1983]

@@jackd.rifter3299 The only thing that makes me think it isn't because I list autism is because I used to get the same progress prior to my diagnosis. Well something weird is going on certainly. I hate to come up with conspiracy theories about being blacklisted but I have no other reasonable excuse. 🤔

[@jackd.rifter3299]

@@pferreira1983 I completely understand the rationale behind that. It's difficult to not notice when it's become a consistent pattern and I've always felt a feeling of rejection when I don't even get a call back.

[@evieraine7135]

I feel I can not risk being diagnosed I have spent my whole life not being believed for anything I feel is wrong. I spent years on multiple meds that destroyed my looks my life and I used to faint a lot, I felt I was only able to function on them. I am now off all of them, I did this myself after my whole life broke down. I am now alone with my dog and on disability . I fear joining the community due to everything you have said about being self identified. But that could be due to having impostor syndrome. I have been alone all my life really even though there are many around me. I know i look capable and I mask really well, then why am I so alone ? Thanks for the video

[@pferreira1983]

Masking can over time take its toll on people. Being diagnosed doesn't need to change how you talk to people but 'theoretically' you should end up feeling more confident with yourself as a person. I say 'theoretically' because there are still people in this world who don't understand how to treat others with autism. Thank you for taking the time watching it.

[@PossumMedic]

Similar experiences. Pedro seems cool. If he likes tabletop RPGs or wants to try them get in touch

[@pferreira1983]

I know absolutely nothing about tabletop RPGs but I'm not against trying something new like this.

[@PossumMedic]

​@@pferreira1983 Cool! I'd be happy to run one for you! Are you on the Discord server yet? I'm not yet, but I can join and set up a post looking for other players.

[@pferreira1983]

@@PossumMedic I'm on Discord but not currently with any RPG servers. The stalkers I talk about in this video are making it difficult to interact with others since they screenshot every interaction I have.

[@claireh.7605]

I had a career, but I got bored and frustrated with it and thought it wasn’t good enough so I just did something drastic and ruined it.

[@claireh.7605]

The thing is you can improve your chances by doing exercises to open up and raise your shoulders and chest. It’s going to be easier to find a job with better body presentation.

[@pferreira1983]

I definitely need to do more exercises. The only barrier right now is I suffer from vestibular issues relating to anxiety.

[@micheals1992]

I think sometimes they slap the label dyslexia on undiagnosed autistic people in an attempt to explain their struggles in school. I'd be skeptical of any attempt to label you when you're undiagnosed with Autism. I guess if you do have issues reading in the same way dyslexia tends to present maybe you do? I'd still re-evaluate prior attempts at diagnosing you though, autism is often mis-diagnosed as other things.

[@pferreira1983]

I have trouble retaining in my mind text I read and often misinterpret words.

[@1111fairy]

I am stumped why you arent getting interviews. But i think when people hire, its a combination of discrimination vs “good fit”, and competition vs “accomodations”.

[@pferreira1983]

Some companies provide adjustments for applications but don't give good feedback. Others don't even make the effort. Generally, regardless of whether I'm autistic there are many jobs I could have done which I never even got an interview for. It comes to a point where we start to ask ourselves "why aren't we the competition?"

[@Dismeatboy]

Amazing the amount of unessesary human suffering cause by humans who don’t think about or care for others in any real way.

[@pferreira1983]

Mental health support seems to be lacking right now it seems. Finding a job is just a whole other issue.

[@aliasjon8320]

1:09:23

[@eduardoguizarperez8417]

Heart, buddy.

[@pferreira1983]

Thank you! 👍

[@chatroom101]

Quantum leap is great

[@pferreira1983]

The original is for sure.

[@UncoverTheBones]

❤

[@kriswalker3275]

I wonder what employers are going to do when more then 50% of their work force is recognized/diagnosed nurodivergent? I bet more people at jobs are unrecognized nurodivergent individuals.

[@pferreira1983]

I think it's more noticeable in some jobs than others which might be why it's so unrecognised.

[@MrAdriancooke]

I am 65 years old but was only diagnosed about ten years ago: I am long-term unemployed

[@pferreira1983]

Oh man that's horrible. 😢

[@gswanson]

This video just popped up in my recommended videos. I am a late diagnosed autistic person who has encountered Pedro in multiple online communities both on Discord, Reddit, and here on KZbin. The thing is, Pedro is a bully. I've been bullied by him more than once. I know that sometimes when you've been bullied it can *feel* empowering to go out and bully other people. And I realize Pedro has a lot of very strong opinions, and has issues understanding that other people might have other issues, or come from other countries than he does. Pedro asks for others to change their behavior to fit his personality, but refuses to change his own personality even when he's harassing other people, even other people who also have autism. It's kind of saddening to be looking for information on being diagnosed as autistic and ADHD at the age of 46 and then finding a person who has personally attacked me more than once being given a platform. The real sad thing is that Pedro and I have a lot of shared interests, and we could have been friends, but I don't think he's interested in having friends. He'd rather attack my country, my beliefs, and my personal tastes than commiserate over the things we have in common.

[@pferreira1983]

I have no idea who you are on Discord and Reddit and the chances I would have said anything to bully or pick on you is very slim. I will need examples as this post sounds very suspicious. EDIT: I will also add you aren't helping your accusations using an alt account.

[@Thilosophocl3s]

Nobody is given birthdays, we have to create the event for people to attend.

[@pferreira1983]

I rarely celebrate my birthday because of a lack of friends so since it was my 40th I was kind of hoping something special would happen for me.

[@Sdween]

@@pferreira1983 I understand. I felt sad realising at 30 that I have lost all my friends due to my neurodivergence, chronic illness and life’s course. I did hope someone may show up with some surprise, nobody did. I have learned not to expect joy to come from other people but to create it for myself. And it’s really been a great lesson to lear. Yes, loneliness may come up, but important to remember to create that joy for yourself 🌺 Often, surprisingly, although we are told “nobody is coming to rescue you”, I have repeatedly been surprised to learn that I have found comfort and joy in others/strangers through art, music, podcasts, poetry, quick glances and smiles with strangers on the street etc. wishing you well.

[@pferreira1983]

@@Sdween I think it's years of creating joy for myself that has made depressed. I certainly could have had more people around me to celebrate stuff like birthdays. As a result birthdays are the thing I dread because I know I'll be alone. 😥

[@thweetiebird]

I was recently self-diagnosed with Autism. Pedro told me that no one can self diagnose, and it HAS to be done by a professional or it is not valid. Is that true??

[@pferreira1983]

Anybody can self diagnose, the validity of that diagnosis however should be done by a professional.

[@rabbitcreative]

Competition is inherently destructive. See Alfie Kohn's "no contest".

[@pferreira1983]

I agree. I feel employers should prioritising giving jobs to those either by age or by those who have been rejected from the application process a few times already after almost getting an interview.

[@TheZGALa]

Collections does seem to be a commonality.

[@pferreira1983]

I think it's OCD but for me a hobby as well.

[@TheZGALa]

Does everything have to be a 'capital D' disorder, or could we have interests, hobbies, and collections and still be humans, perfectly flawed, as all humans are? @@pferreira1983

[@TheZGALa]

I feel like human uniqueness is being exploited and shamed as 'Disordered' in so many areas that they cannot all be warranted.

[@pferreira1983]

@@TheZGALa It really winds up my parents.

[@peapotfairy]

36:33 WTF!? That is an interview question! So he didnt get the interview because he didn't answer the interview questions? Got it, got it (/s)

[@pferreira1983]

The reasons I didn't get an interview were I didn't include certain points in my application like showing an awareness of IT (email communication) and diversity in the workplace. These were things that not only had nothing to do with the job I was going for but were so general that I wouldn't think to include them.

[@peapotfairy]

@pferreira1983 i hope you get some kind of civil rights org to help you. I think you are likely being discriminated against.

[@pferreira1983]

@@peapotfairy It seems as though in the application process HR were very supportive but the recruiters themselves were discriminating, finding nitpicks to not allow me an interview.

[@markpw2613]

I have mentioned this in another video about employment Thomas put up. "Promoting IT" is a very subtle way of the employer saying that they want someone good at (social) networking with others. Its basically a discriminatory remark that was really well concealed. NT's are good at that. The guy clearly wants a job and will no doubt work hard, but i think people are seeing him as a label rather than as a person. Ultimately unless u are good at masking, its just down to finding the boss or people that will look beyond things and give u a chance. The employment world is also sadly based on things like nepotism, family or friend connections too... social skills are unfortunately way over valued but its how the world is sadly. However, a bit of constructive criticism: Consider all jobs and be a bit less specific. I know u didn't like your role u had before redundancy, but getting any role would be good for your references and gets u some income while u look for what u really want to do. Best of luck with things.

[@chuzzbot]

No shade on any individual here, but I tend to think that collecting is actually an unhealthy hobby. Without going into detail, it basically turns anything into an abstractly valued and fetishised possession, rather than anything with purpose. Just look at how billionaires collect money, it loses any meaning or true value and denies it's useful value to those who do not hoard it. Creative endeavors give to the world rather than taking from it.

[@davestambaugh7282]

Why do all of these sites equate late diagnoses with the late diagnosis of cancer. It does not kill you!

[@pferreira1983]

I never said it does but I sure could have had better treatment with my disability growing up and after leaving education.

[@davestambaugh7282]

Because it took me so long that I was retired when I found out I never needed any treatment because I was never in need of any government help which is the only reason that help would have been forced u[on me.@@pferreira1983

[@Lotusblume.8]

You literally are the diversity! Those people are just jerks.

[@pferreira1983]

Thank you. The excuses given I certainly felt stretched credibility.

[@poboxchristmas380]

Go read some of the disgusting comments that Pedro has made to females online and you'll see who the real jerk is. He took advantage of Thomas and people fell for his ruse.

[@pferreira1983]

@@poboxchristmas380 You seem interested in spreading lies about me everywhere all because I don't hate a games console you hate. At least I have the courage to talk about my problems on camera and don't hide behind a fake avatar and various accounts.

[@poboxchristmas380]

@@pferreira1983 Pedro, you continue to say these things about ME with ZERO proof. Please, show me proof of the other accounts that I am on. I am only on ONE account. Meanwhile, there is video PROOF of you stalking and harassing people, online especially women. This has nothing to do with a games console, you're just being dishonest as usual. I've challenged you to show proof of me on ANY of the Amico channels and you can not.

[@poboxchristmas380]

​@@pferreira1983 LOL @ you thinking you're showing "courage" by playing the victim. You've followed me around for months claiming that I am Darius Truxton, a guy who's a KZbinr who got doxxed and has had death threats made towards him. You think it's ok to lie and make his enemies come after me? you have way bigger issues than late-diagnosed Autism, Pedro.

[@peapotfairy]

56:57 can you imagine the US Health Department funding a cafe for neurodivergent people to exist? 😅

[@pferreira1983]

It's not an actual café. It's a charity organisation for people to meet up for skills, classes or personal help. 😊

[@uhohfinellio]

hey brother! when u share a statistic about autistic people without the same stat for neurotypical, it doesn't really mean anything. like 1 in 5 live on their own. what is neurotypical ratio? without knowing how stats are different, we just imagine 1 in 5 is low #. u stopped in the video and said think about that for a second. I couldn't without more info

[@ThomasHenley]

The statistic I referred to specifically was for individuals 21-25, I have seen some more recent research on lifetime stats which does look more promising, showing around 79% of us with average or above intelligence having independent living. - Thanks for drawing my attention to this, I’ll do some more digging into the stats and will try include more details when sharing said stats in the future!

[@claireh.7605]

Archive assistant is not in demand . I knew an autist trying to get into being an archive person. You have to have the requirements of surgeon to get a job as one. Find any other para professional job. Don’t sit at home.

[@pferreira1983]

It's trying to find me the work that most suits me.

[@claireh.7605]

@@pferreira1983 that could be disability movement disabling bs; the autism support stuff doesn’t seem to work; find any job you can and then YOU suit yourself to the job. Not the other way. Your expectation may be unrealistic and not how the job world works

[@pferreira1983]

@@claireh.7605 I mean I know I'm not suitable for retail because I'm terrible interacting with customers and I couldn't do manual labour because I'm not strong. It's about competency and physical ability. There are some jobs I'm just not suited for. The jobs I can go for do exist but I have faced barriers getting at least an interview.

[@Star_Rattler]

I am so sorry that Pedro is being stalked and harassed and bullied online in the way that he is. I cannot fathom being such an absolute low-life loser of a human being that in my free time I stalk someone I perceive as strange or different and then actively make fun of every single post they post. The amount of energy expended to on purpose be a terrible person is wholly baffling. Truly fascinating that people like this are allowed to exist unpunished.

[@pferreira1983]

Thank you. Unfortunately it really continued since this interview. The interview made me a visual target for trolls which is unfortunate, on one occasionally illegally. I agree I can't fathom why people would go through every single post I've ever made in my life on every forum just to find a 'gotcha moment' or spread lies about me with misinterpreted tweets. I'm opinionated because of my autism but people are taking steps to shut off my voice by shaming or banning me. The split segments of this interview were already targeted by trolls. What it means is that whatever I put out there whether it's an interview or not will have trolls spreading lies about me in the comments. Most of them do this behind alt accounts because they don't have the conviction to use their main accounts.

[@lorenpowell1606]

❤

[@maisiephillips8564]

❤