Autism Relationship Masterclass

[@dr4amxo]

I'm slowly getting into relationship with someone is autistic and this going help me big time! Thank you

[@beenabashir6496]

My autistic husband is over friendly in public to get excepted by people some time it gets very embarrassing when it’s a female and she thinks her flirting with her. I feel humiliated

[@haniyyahn]

That sounds like masking. He may not really be able to gauge how friendly to be - may just have learned a pattern of interacting that he applies to every situation even when it's not appropriate. This one is hard because the person is probably trying really hard because the alternative is often people not being accepting and even being really harsh in rejecting you. If this isn't an issue for you you may not realize how important that kind of acceptance is in everyday encounters and how hard doing something else if this is your learnt adaptation to something you can't do is. With a few of my loved ones they have what's called flat affect normally and that is often off-putting to neurotypical people who expect social smiling for example. For someone like that often when they try to smile on command it looks creepy. So their adaptation might be to hype themselves enough that they get into that super friendly mode you've noticed and are say too close to the shop clerk, talking too much, gesticulating too much in an effort to seem and be accepted like others.

[@AlissaSss23]

He's struggling to mask, poor guy. Maybe he got bullied as a child/ teenager. Communicate with him maybe? You're actually lucky, as you already know it looks like flirting but it's not real. my last ex WAS flirting with all the women he met, sales people, dentist, plus using dating websites. Still, your feelings are valid, so just communicate to him in a nice way

[@maiaheiss2991]

If he is already trying so hard to do something that is socially acceptable (trying but missing), he may appreciate your help in building his “character” in the way an actor builds a character. He would have to memorize what reactions to put with a particular exchange. If it’s fun for you two, then you could do this together. Or he could work on just being himself. With the later, he will still do something awkward and might also feel isolated. But long and short of it… if he is trying so hard already, he would probably be open to trying with your help. I would just make sure to keep it fun and lighthearted.

[@mustyfan1584]

I’m the same way as your husband and it can definitely bother my boyfriend. Just know that we aren’t trying to be disrespectful and we are still devoted to our partners! It’s an attempt to be friendly and socially accepted.

[@Slasherations]

​@@haniyyahnpoorer quality acceptance here.

[@Tinycadancer]

My dad (ND) wanted no kids… My mom wanted 10… They had 5 and my dad was the best dad I could ever ask for. He made my whole childhood so fun and my life. He took care of us when we were little, supported us financially and my mom only worked part time ever for fun/random things. He taught us all so many things. Honestly he is who I would say I got most of my love from growing up and as an adult between my two parents. I lost him back in November a week before his 83rd birthday. I’m 35 and now missing him so much and wondering how I will get through over half of my life without him. I got so little time with such an amazing man and dad who would have been the best grandpa. It wasn’t until the last year or so that I even realized he was ND while trying to figure out my fiance… My dad told me one day, “you know honey I think he’s like me… We’re just different.” and then we started talking about him and I started to think back on the years. 😭 I miss him so much and this gives me hope that my fiance can maybe get counseling and fine himself and thrive.

[@Diverse_Interests]

Fantastic! The part of figuring out your needs when you have masked so long as critical and learning to use clear communication in a background of caring and respect. I didn't realize how much i masked to fit in until a complete burnout took the mask a way in an instant . I also did not spot how different minds actually are as theory of mind had me think others were like me when it turns out most people are not going to be at all like me. I loved the meantion of curiosity, open mindedness and a growth mindset. It is so important to me and i understand that now. Thank you!

[@starfoxloves]

Your shirt looks so freaking cozy! I wear all black too (and all bamboo) but I really want to borrow that red shirt! And red looks horrible on me honestly, though it works for you!

[@micheals1992]

Omg Tom that thing at 34:07 is exactly what my relationship is like atm. It feels like harassment and constantly being ambushed. He calls me and forces me to respond and keeps sending "?" "?" "?" After questions Because i cant respond to messages and then he says "i guess i dont deserve a response" I dont know what to do. My life is in such a mess at the moment!

[@Slasherations]

@01:08:01 I really appreciate Jen's perspective and the clarity she brings to her account. I hope she continues to focus on the facts and maintains that straightforward approach, rather than becoming overly cautious or ambiguous in the future.

[@Slasherations]

46:34 yup! Works! ❤

[@hoflandmm]

You could be my stay at home daddy Thomas 🤣

[@srldwg]

😂

[@Meowch3]

Fantastic talk. To be honest, listening to this, I don’t think many neurotypical people can be happy with someone who is neurodivergent (and vice versa). As a neurotypical, relationships are already hard and a lot of work, at least in the beginning. Add in having to be more business-like in communicating your emotional needs, and just throwing out everything you know about what it even means to be emotionally and socially healthy, and you’ve got yourself one hell of a relationship puzzle. Even if you can crack the puzzle, I’m not sure how fulfilled you'd end up being. Non-verbal emotional and social communication is such an integral part of the healthy neurotypical’s life. Having to turn that off is like having the TV on but being forced to ignore what you’re seeing so that you can pay attention only to what you’re hearing. The emotional synergy is forever incomplete or missing. But I admire couples that are trying to make it work. I do really love that card idea from Ms Kay. So creative!

[@Slasherations]

Just remember if we have met one person then we have only met one person. ❤

[@infidelcastor]

I feel the same. It’s way too hard and draining. Not worth it, not enough reward. From an ND point of view.

[@paulinehowell7736]

The coldness makes me want to leave. I feel like everything has to be his way or the highway. 😢

[@vik5648]

One of the best for a while, Thomas. I could relate to so much of this. Thank you to both of you

[@Slasherations]

41:07 Amen

[@meryluk]

More I listen to Thomas more I love him❤

[@ThomasHenley]

thank you so much! You are very kind ❤️

[@gracekitchener1694]

Thank you so much for your informational videos. It joins up all the dots for me as I am sure it does to others too. Thank you so much

[@emmablount3023]

This is a very helpful interview and all these podcasts are great. Thanks for your service

[@Slasherations]

1:04:21 seems likely for each type too.

[@Slasherations]

23:03 why doesnt he just tell you what hes in need of? Partially is only. Communication.

[@tiegrsidesignsandstudio4794]

My autistic...x partner...just broke up with me because I had a meltdown in front of him. It's neither the first time I had a melt-down nor the first time his immediate response was 'I won't put up with this behavior, I'm breaking up with you' as if I was a petulant child and not a full adult in crisis. We've been together...had been together...for 8 years. Every time we had an argument (it hasn't been often), his first response is always to end the relationship and I've never understood it - at ALL other times I feel like we've both been very loving and talked about growing old together, called each other husband and wife (we aren't married because he doesn't want to due to a bad past experience). I've always thought I'm a stick-with-it-and-fix-it kind of person, and all of my past partners were 'give-up-easy-and-move-on' people. This was the first relationship I've had where I THOUGHT my partner was willing to WORK with me. I'm having a really hard time with it.

[@jacquizbak]

i really hope u continue the topic maybe one even more about the sex activity plez! I just enjoy joe rogan/lex fridan/andrew huberman long extended play open diverse talks. i've read a lot of books so now prefer n enjoying live unscripted spontaneous interesting intriguing discussions while discovering new mental vistas with open minded learning...thank u for creating such a needed platform for those amazing auti souls eh!?!!7:42Pm8/23/2023

[@eringilles4024]

Excellent show!

[@meryluk]

Brilliant, thank you.

[@ryanb2781]

How do I find a autistic partner I'm mid 30s??????

[@etcwhatever]

Probably on an online forum or group for autistic people. Theres cool people on groups about my special interests, i suppose the principle would be the same. Maybe it works. I never tried.

[@VaronPlateando]

17:35 that's all nice and good, but to start from a rel.ship (if not rel.shit) to maintain | sustain is somewhat academic, too, isn't it ?!

[@kriswalker3275]

I know I have CPTSD for sure but whether it's coupled with anything like autism I can't say but one thing I ALWAYS hated was anyone getting right in my face for any reason. My family knew that was a hard "no" with me. Well, my silly ADHD, super hyper ex would not only bounce around everywhere visually and use a loud voice at times but he'd get into my face and cause such a shut down and anger in me I couldn't connect. He would laugh and tease me with it though so he was a bully which is why we aren't together now.

[@rojojojo8D]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@PlanetEarthLifeSkills]

❤

[@Slasherations]

27:51 "perhaps" wheres the non - autistics "perhaps" lol.

[@paulinehowell7736]

After listening to your podcast, I realize that I must leave😢

[@thweetiebird]

Hello, I saw your recent video where I was mentioned. It was a good video, you have a nice style of interviewing, which was present in some other vids I checked out of yours as well. I also noticed that comments were turned off after many negative comments were left on the Amico video. I'd really appreciate the chance to clear my name, as I feel I've been painted in a bad light by your guest. The Intellivision Amico Saga is, as he said, a deep rabbit hole to go down. However, I think you would be fascinated by that 4-hour documentary, or a 2-hour one made by Hbomberguy about the CEO of the company. Your guest has made a habit of stirring up drama, which only serves to stoke the fires of criticism even more. What I'd like to convey to you, is that the disdain for the Console is justified. Hopefully you've read some of those comments and take them to heart. I'd love to continue this discussion, if you are interested please let me know. Thank you

[@pferreira1983]

Nice to stab me in the back. I guess you weren't being sincere after all. You just want more content for your parody videos right? Also nice of you to recommend two biased docs. It seems you love to flip any way you wish. I thought you were being sincere but I guess you are a complete fake like you come across.

[@Sunny-kl8wy]

This is too much work

[@paulinehowell7736]

It is a lot of work. I am always in a state of anxiety with him. 😢

[@kellypawspa]

It seems that almost half of the adult population has been awakening to realize they actually are someolace on the spectrum.... It makes me kimda wonder how divergent it actually is?

[@AlissaSss23]

Some people discovered it late due to tiktok or KZbin (I got diagnosed at 42 y old last year), now it looks like I'm ASD too. People are not very educated on these subjects, as neurodiversity and MH. Therefore, a lot of people live their whole lives without knowing, while some people take some silly test on FB and believe they are on the spectrum. There are neurodivergent people much more knowledgeable and educated on neurodiversity than many professionals (therapists, psychistrists, etc.)

[@tandava-089]

29:39 "when I have a pressing issue that I want to talk to my husband about" When Im entitled needy and demanding you mean?

[@starfoxloves]

❤