The Dark Truth Of Narcissistic Abuse: It Splits Your Personality

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[@smac1823]

if you’ve lived thru an abusive narcissistic relationship, then you already know about splitting your personality to survive. It deadens your soul and the crux of who you are.

[@ookipuki]

I was r*ped and emotionally abused ny not 1 bit 3 all at once. Actually a 4th one at work. I'm losing my mind

[@annp_minnesota]

Well put

[@mariebowman2152]

What do you do if the narc was your father who mainly raised you to be a controlled slave. So now I'm 33 trying to develop my personality

[@MyITRcom]

@@mariebowman2152 It's a rough road is all I can say, same here, same kind of so called father.

[@mariebowman2152]

@@MyITRcom Did yours do good things to make the outside world think he was great but emotionally abuse you at home ?

[@LucyBuckingham920]

Never get used to fear, anxiety, instinct or intuition. That's your soul and inner child screaming at you to take you to safety.

[@ArchAngel435]

My wounded inner child started to rage like she had never before in her lifetime. All the narcs scattered including yours truly

[@LucyBuckingham920]

@@ArchAngel435 I've struggled to regain my authentic self and become disassociated after narc abuse. I'm still working on it! I wish you love and healing.

[@MDLynnNikos]

Your authentic self , drives and desires get suppressed. The narcissist through ritualistic abuse takes up all your time and attention . Your desires needs are suppressed. They punish you slowly at start with large love and praise then after years this flips and you have large amounts of abuse with little positive reinforcement. All of this is why I think for some people when they first leave they feel so down. Allowing the authentic self to be present means feeling all of the buried pain and seeing reality.

[@Staying_aliveforwomen]

This comment nail it.ur a genius I say

[@don-eb3fj]

Yes, and not only the desires and drives, but the memories of ever even having had them- the film strip of your LIFE becomes mostly a reel of blank or blurry frames with only the horror scenes remaining, due to being dissociated from the "here and now" of "then", and the edited scenes are placed in a locked vault deep inside to which you do not have the key- but sometimes you can still hear the exiled scratching and begging to be let out. Being in any abusive relationship is damaging- growing up in a narcissistically abusive/devaluing family (and cult-ure) wounds deeply, imprinting the abusive patterns as "normal", or making real relationships and self-knowledge unapproachable altogether, and the wheel keeps rolling over generation after generation. At 57, thanks to Richard and others following catastrophic losses and consequences, I'm finally beginning to learn how to make contact with some of my own exiled cast of child parts, and it's a tough gig. As a schizoid, my own internal foundational architecture isn't altogether that much different than that of NPD, but without the "aggrandizing" usually associated with that adaptation, so I have some sense of what their worlds are like. The "witch hunt" trend has to stop, I've seen far too many "professionals" prostituting themselves on KZbin for clickbait supply, so I'm glad to see Richard and a few others trying to steer a different course. If you understand and support better methods and real solutions, please get involved in the conversation, the hour is late.

[@MizrahiChick]

Preach !!

[@Louise_0]

Wow I could like your comment a million times over! How true!

[@JC-mv7hf]

What makes me most angry is that I was happy and balanced before my soul was possesed and i became someone else. When i realised and got back to myself i feel damaged, incomplete and less happy than i was before. It is like i cannot unsee and unexperience what I have experienced and that period of time has changed my core self.

[@sharon_rose724]

Same. We can never be exactly the same as before this soul r@pe. I used to be joyful with a love and appreciation for life. Not so much anymore.

[@JC-mv7hf]

You know for me it is like - once you had a dream which became real in your head and you accepted it as a real life (if something is too good to be true… you know it is too good… and it still tricks you!) nothing real feels as good as the dream - feeling betrayed, anger, ashamed, also empty… it is a funny combination … worst is that I still would give a lot for the dream to be real! But it never was. I can compare it to addiction- once you cross the line and get addicted to something it never can be the same experiece when you take it but you dream about being able to enjoy the poison as if you were never addicted. There is unfortunately no way. Poison is poison. If we let it once get our brain the only way is stay away. And best not to try to replace with another poison…

[@Nothing-h6i]

"Emotionally disemboweled" An interesting description of the narc.

[@newjerseydevil6115]

That's a good one.

[@Harteo3917]

I'm going to say emotionally, mentally, and spiritually disemboweled although more so emotionally and mentally.

[@nakuruhike7991]

I split with my NPD partner in 2016. I was absolutely gutted. "Disemboweled" is accurate. It has taken me EIGHT full years to more or less fully recover. No one 'fully' recovers. These people shake you to your core. If you are newly 'out', please never return. Read, listen watch everything by Richard Grannon, Bessel Van der Kolk, Peter Levine and Gabor Mate as these guys 'know'. Best of luck!

[@birdagram]

Tim Fletchers work on complex trauma is astounding-be sure to add it to the list!

[@CG-tu8lg]

When I was in the narcissist presence, I realized that I was a different person, I acted in ways that was not normal for me. Very strange experience

[@Harteo3917]

It's a whole entire thrawl like being under dracula's or the phantom of the opera's spell dodo, dodo, dooo the phantom of the opera is here inside your mind lol and that's exactly what phantom is about, and i guess they pull you way out of your normal self and comfort zone so you act pretty differently and not yourself. I think i've got the bugger now that's been horrendously harassing and stalking me for about 1 year and a half over an online game and it's also gang stalking because he keeps sending some other players after me and probably hiding behind a few accounts while he does it himself too. Online or in real life either way it's not acceptable behavior at all it's terrifying. I take full responsibility for jumping too fast into a group though i was a new player and didn't know how toxic some of the players were on it and i went into it not wanting to tell anyone anything or include any emotions into it because of the problems on social media sites beforehand and nearly getting myself in big trouble. So i pretty much left them all last year because they're so much trouble you'll be constantly targeted by narcissists. But it's like he smelled me and knew if not i sensed i was followed over from twitter and maybe he's the guy i was hacked by a good while ago now. Then i joined the groups stream despite knowing the problems that comes with that i've no idea what i was thinking but i didn't deserve what came gaining my trust, discarding me, then harassing and stalking me almost constantly. Judging by how everywhere in the game looks so incredibly empty only npcs around they've clearly been bothering and frightening the life out of literally everyone and making them walk on eggshells around them, but they chose me at their number 1 source. Everyone else seems to understand what to do but as usual nobody bothered explaining a thing just leaving me to go through it all. The fact that i'm not really doing that just kind of staying out of sight but not far away is clearly why it got worse and worse and they profusely attacked, i think we've all been through enough of that already. Since yesterday they've gone so quiet because i think they've sensed my mood and energy shift and know i've got them and enough evidence to have him and two others permanently banned from the game. Thanks to richard gannon he's helped me understand a few things and regain my faculties and it only took a couple videos🙂i suddenly feel energy and a spark come right back to me again i already feel happier not feeling his energy pervading my senses, but while i didn't feel great i was indeed just not entirely me, when you are away from them it's like a breath of fresh air and all you want to do is celebrate.

[@lydiakelly8862]

Remembering what I like instead of the Abusers ‘likes’ was a big one for me!! Thank you!!

[@danadragulescu5842]

Bin there ! I didn' t know where to start by then, so in the beginning i did exactly the things that he criticized. For example he laught of people with coloured hair , than i couloured my hair purple 😀. He didn't like some foods, i Just

[@danadragulescu5842]

started to cook for me.

[@mightymouse1005]

​@danadragulescu5842 what you like? That's hard for me too. I've forgotten my favorite food

[@danadragulescu5842]

You just go shopping alone and when you see something that you might like you pay attention to your feelings and your thoughts. If you feel gilty of buying that thing because the narc would have found it too expensive or whatever , be courageous and buy it . Than you decide if YOU liked it or not. After a while with every small step you will find your forgotten true self .

[@danadragulescu5842]

At the beginning it feels like someone who had an accident und must learn to speak, eat and walk by himself.

[@artificialunderground]

I had to leave my hometown and start anew, being more careful of who I let into my life and taking care of the friendships that have allowed me to be myself and more importantly, love me for who I am. Once I was away I can look back in horror of what I had allowed others to do to me or affect me in a negative way and my behavior as well. I was turning into a mean and angry person. Now I am bouncing around the world hanging out with true friends and getting to know the family members that my family kept me away from (isolation) It’s been a long journey but I am finally at a place where I can love myself and not be embarassed or feel shame for who I am.

[@nakuruhike7991]

Once the NPD partner/leader has you in their thrall you will apparently do anything they ask. They hypnotise people, I think. I have seen lovely, quiet women sell themselves, become victimes of BDSM, take Class A drugs... basically lose their entire personalities and soul. If you can get away - RUN!

[@newmeabetterme5014]

I want to do that so badly because everywhere I go is a reminder of him and I. I have memories at each and every place, but we share an 8 yr. Old for now 50/50 because I allowed it because he was a good father or so I thought then. I see what he has put our son through this past year... I WILL NOT LET HIM CONTINUE TO DO WHAT HE DID TO ME TO OUR SON!11 I have no family or friends here. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed to even call my mother and I know she is hurting and I need to call her but I just feel like I let her down. She would never think that but that's what my brain thinks.

[@newmeabetterme5014]

I actually asked my psychiatrist if it was possible that all his narcissistic abuse made me like him? I told her I didn't know myself anymore.. Not even something as small as what snacks I liked.

[@yvonneb-t3d]

So true, I recall not knowing what I would like to buy for myself at the grocery store. 4 years on and I am grateful for the peace in my life.

[@halia8637]

Yep.. felt this. Completely lost myself

[@jomoon9391]

Yes I now feel like the narcissistic

[@Name-cy1ns]

My parents abused me so bad as a kid I don't know who I am either, I feel like I never actually developed a personality because of it.

[@lloydphillips7714]

I completely lost sense of myself also. A psychologist helped me reframe this to, in essence, say “now you are out of that environment you have a blank page to go explore who you are, who you want to be and get to define, redefine or rediscover who you are and what you can do with your life from here”. If you can shift your mindset to that it’s beautifully empowering; you have the rest of your life in front of you. Be glad you got out and you have that road to take from here when you choose to take it.

[@amandavaldorian]

Yes! I realized when reading "Combating Cult Mind Control" by Steven Hassan that there was a strong correlation between victims of narcissistic abuse and victims of cults! I related to a lot of what the people went through and I can now recognize it in some of my loved ones as well ❤

[@lesleybrady3948]

Oh god! This is soberingly truthful! I’m crying and angry at the same time.. xx

[@steph2834]

💔🙏

[@emilyrl.]

Yes it changed me. Now my bullshit meter is too functional. My patience with bullshit doesnt exist anymore. It has not changed my personality as much as it changed my interactions. I have sometimes had to self talk myself down from becoming hostile toward someone displaying narcissistic behaviors that are not actually destructive but benign and narural. It changed me to become more perceptive and taught me to be more defensive of myself. No, its not always a good thing but I am still trying to heal. I honestly dont think I'll ever go back to the way I was.

[@lisaallen9339]

I get that-it’s “kind” over ly sensitive- but not really…but kinda. Protect yourself-if they can’t have empathy to know where you have lived…they are not ready for a relationship with you. I mean that with respect- put you first.

[@helenn7577]

WOW its so true I am or was a very social person who loved being around people now I still love people but can only be around people for a limited time as I get tired and need to recoup. I feel like I want to be with people but cannot totally relax.

[@spondoolee3720]

Yeah I clocked that within myself because I was retaliating and becoming like them because I was so mad with the things he did. I've removed myself from the situation and I'm back to loving myself and being the best person I can be ❤

[@sugarfree1894]

The two realities, the fake one and the real one, can lead to autoimmune disease if lived with for too long with too much dependence on the abuser. I know it's frustrating to find that one's ideas have already been delineated by others, but you can choose to see it as proof of the quality of your mind.

[@gobontu6224]

"What do I like?" This question hurts, already while asking, an even more while desperately searching for the answer.

[@alyciamills9069]

And until I left I didn’t realize that I was just a shell of the person I once was (before him).

[@annp_minnesota]

After 10 years with the narcissist, I finally left. Everything said in this video is dread on. I don’t know who I am I don’t know what I’d like but I’m absolutely relishing the feeling of safety and quiet.

[@smac1823]

The thing about narcissists is they behave emotionally like children … so you begin to behave like a child when you are with them, because it’s the only way you think you’ll get through to them. So you start acting out and calling names, and potentially even reacting to their physical abuse physically, just to get your point across.

[@OGhitta91]

🧢

[@BL-sd2qw]

I feel this

[@himwiththehair8118]

True. Shame it doesn't work, they just conveniently forget that they were the original instigators and play victim. It's all about them, all the time.

[@aycha_1449]

Yes, precisely! Also with BPD. And if you grew up with that being THE communication pattern in your family, than you never even had the space to try and use another one with them. Well, until you start healing. :-)

[@tathe3786]

Absolutely 🎉

[@nryane]

THIS! The work I had to do to recover my emotional self has taken decades of therapy, the latest being EMDR trauma therapy, which retrained my brain.

[@andreasandersson9736]

I recogniced this when I grew up in a cult. But not only there, also in school and together with people who don't accept your genuinity. If they don't, leave them. You can't force someone to like you, and you will get more and more upset, either with yourself or with the other person. The agitatation will never stop until you have learned to be completely honest with yourself and your surroundings. Until then you will be forced to play a role, to be an actor in a world that praise actors.

[@deborahrice1520]

I didn't view it as a split personality. When I realized what was happening to me, I thought of it as practice to be an actor...if I ever wanted to become an actor, I new that I would be a good one. (My abuser called me fake. that I was friendly and kind out in public, but that I viewed the cup of life as almost empty, when at home) To this day, I can look at someone that is disrespecting me/ being cruel and I can keep my true reactions under wraps. I do distance myself physically and yes emotionally. Trust? If you want me to trust 'you' that takes a long time.

[@romanastrasheim5226]

True. Same experience.

[@hopflo11]

I fully relate . I learned how to be a psychopathic manipulator . Had to . I recall the panic when I began to realize I was choosing to play make believe in order to be with him Left soon after 🎉

[@suzanwebb8018]

The split explains SO much! On my walk this morning, I thought, "I feel gutted like a fish." You said "emotionally disembowelled." Exactly. It seems impossible to find a therapist who knows anything about the effects of narcissistic abuse. How can that be?

[@nakuruhike7991]

Possibly because many therapists are they themselves are narcisissists. Scary, but entirely logical conclusion given the power they wield.

[@suzannemcvicker617]

​@@nakuruhike7991 indeed, my ex the narc is now a therapist.

[@jobentley4522]

This! I remember thinking it felt like my insides had been carved out with a spoon

[@renchemarais8419]

That is TRUE, LOSING MYSELF, WATCHING THEIR HORROR DEEDS TO INNOCENT CHILDREN AND ANIMALS WHICH I WOULD HAVE GIVEN MY LIFE FOR. IT'S BAD.

[@Hawaiiansky11]

I found some old journals (technically, a rewrite of them) from when I was 12-15, at a time when I believe it was 'before' the 'really bad' abuse--which is true. What i noticed is that the person I thought I was; innocent, honest, studious, friendly, sanguine, was a lie. I wrote things that were untrue. I ran cover for everyone, telling myself and my future readers that I did things ('bad' things) that other people had done! At the time, I thought it was 'doing the right thing' by protecting and keeping my friends from any fallout. What it was, was codependence due to a compulsion to BELIEVE that I was in charge of my own life, that I had some sort of autonomy or agency, which I did not have. I've often said that my childhood and youth were like being in a cult; it's not enough to comply with the 'charismatic' leader who only shows their dark side when nobody else is around; you have to BELIEVE what they want you to believe. Nothing else is enough, and even then, you have to continue to prove to them that you believe the 'right thing.'

[@Cosmos20244]

Richard... Iam so grateful and thankful that you have this wonderful channel about NPD. Iam in Germany, my both parents were psychologically abusive to me, I did therapy what helped me a lot to see my family's truth.i cut 12 yrs ago the contact with bio mom, very toxic and abusive, I Do not want anything to do w her. I moved house and my female cousin told me she was asked by her where I lived. She said to bio mom that I don't want her to give her any information. Booooom😮😮, what does mom??? She asks authorities where I live now and they gave my new address to her.... Now she bombard me every 6 months with letters I do not want to receive. This is mental torture.... Why??????? She wants to have total control over my free will. Seeing these letters gives me anxiety, panic attacks, my energy goes down, I get very nervous, hiper ventilating, awful symptoms..... I will call a Hotline to speak w them... Iam so angry and annoyed. 12 yrs iam not contacting her, she sses it and wants to force that. How sick is this??? I only want my peace😢😢

[@aycha_1449]

There is so much wisdom in these 4 minutes! My mind is blown (again)! Thank you so much @Richard and @Mark for this! 💚🙌

[@danielledesmondrhodes]

My husband was a born- in JW . I saw this first hand. Today, he is not the man I married . He has so much depth and beautiful personality. Took 17 years . He is genuinely happy.

[@natalied2195]

Thanks for all your informative insights Richard, it means so much 💐

[@macareuxmoine]

This makes total sense! To survive you integrate the cult psychology that is contrary to your own internal world. The struggle of these two needs endless resources. After my moms death and my split from the rest of my family I literally experienced the falling off of a part within me - and the healing/becoming whole of my true self within me that now has all right to thrive. Very timely of you to describe this now.

[@sage9836]

Richard, you still independently discovered the split from observation. And your interpretation and name for it is unique and useful.

[@PookaFey11]

BRILLIANT. Splitting: "Who shows up to therapy? The "sort of" authentic self shows up to therapy, but the person who was with the narcissistic abuser isn't showing up for therapy."

[@bostonjackson9384]

From my perspective, the narcissist themself has a split personality.... one that is happy and fun and appreciative of me so long as she is supplied, and a second personality that sees me as the source of every problem known, when she is not supplied. Perhaps the victim takes on split personalities because he/she is un/subconsciously mimicking the abuser?

[@dodibenabba525]

I can completely identify with this. My personality is now growing and the cult personality is dwindling....

[@SpecialAgent666]

In your efforts to understanding Narcissistic Weirdos, you guys are making this more complicated for career reasons than it needs to be. A person's inate personality doesn't really change. It's just suppressed depending on who you're dealing with in those situations. They don't exactly become different people, just amplifying different aspects of themselves.

[@Day-NNight]

0:00 ⭕️ They leave a crack in your boundary that attracts other Nars to you . ⭕️ so you need to step back as you need time to recover . ⭕️ you need to count you’re blessing until you are contented 😌 with you’re own and what you own alone . ( that’s you’re boundary ! ⭕️ the boundary that will keep you safer from any toxic partnership . ⭕️ It’s definitely more work when you’re (( a victim of Nars-parent )) ‼️ . 🔴 you have grown without know he left a permanent crack in you’re boundary. 🔴 so I think having much time for your own self a side ( schema treatment ) is you’re best option in recovery quicker ! ⭕️ recovery might take more than a year depends on you’re experience . ⭕️ recovery is a step in having a better environment for you and everyone. And it will help in eliminating the increase numbers of narcissim phenomenon in society. While understanding how to deal accurately with their need to feed . ⭕️ recovery will be a gradual rollercoaster to a healthy boundary require you to live up optimally . Goodluck !

[@shatteredsquare]

"the blasted heath"... colors beyond colors, inflated beyond life to burst, then eternally dead, lifeless ash, nothing will ever grow there again

[@mike-ology22]

(Everyone should find the audiobook, The Game of life and how to play it, it will help you find yourself again) Don't put yourself down for finding out it is a split personality. You already told us that in your "Am I the narcissist video" where you said it was your opinion that the child goes into a fantasy world and never leaves it. I've been with 2 narcissists who have both told me the same about their childhood, how they had to take care of their siblings while their mothers did nothing. They stop being vulnerable. You are completely right and nice work for figuring it out and sharing it with us. What I found with a narcissist is that they project this false image and when you the detective get close to figuring them out they have their narcissistic rage and meltdown because they don't want to go there. Both women lived in their heads. They always seek external validation and I must admit both of them love Facebook attention and it is obvious after a disagreement. They would tell me that I would have to get out, so I did because I didn't want to be convicted for refusing to leave the property when asked. Yet they both said I should fight and stay. Making it my fault relieving them of their responsibility and accountability. When I leave the first thing they do is go on a night out in revealing clothing. They post all kinds of attractive things on Facebook for male attention, comments and likes to rub salt into the wound. Once they had their narcissistic reset their loneliness ate away at them. They contact me with drama like cutting a finger, the washing machine is broken, the car won't work, so I would go around and fix it because they had children. Then they lovebomb me, mirror what I say to regain trust and never speak about the issue, they just move on and forget what happened. I can't forget. Both women were very childish and it reminded me of my childhood growing up with my sister we would get into fights. I would get the blame and my sister would always lie to get me in trouble. This is what the relationship is like with the female narcissist, they treat you like your brother. We live in a narcissistic system run by drug dealers. Drug dealers get people addicted, they want to get them in debt so they become like Renfield a servant. Laying on the guilt because they are in debt and destroying the person inside. When you realise the Dutch invented our system and you see Amsterdam then it is no wonder the whole world is addicted to drugs and narcissism is on the rise. So yes, great observation and who says they thought of it first? They might have taken the idea from you. Americans are great at stealing ideas, to them they invented the modern world. That is true, every bad thing happening in the world is caused by an American or a Dutch person, which are two of the same. Look up Wallstreet slave market and New Amsterdam All these cities are trading posts and used to destroy the people in the country. So unless we educate people and do something about it, it will only get worse. So Richard, without you doing your thing I wouldn't have been as clued up as I am now, so thank you. You're doing great!

[@esmewvimes2901]

I'm watching the content on this topic and every 5 minutes I learn something that clicks so hard it's a physical JOLT. I'm instantly transported back to one or more of those moments. I spent 14 years trying to understand this man. I'm very empathetic, and, with the exception of narcissists, I'm very good at reading people. Eventually I stopped being oppositional because I didn't want to fight anymore. And I knew, I could just tell that when I began to pivot and agree with whatever, that it irked him.

[@angeliquedemeijere5980]

ah that makes so much sense! I know someone that has a lot of anxiety but when she is with her narc friend she does not have. As an IFS practiser anyway we know we have parts. It makes sense in different situations and with different people, different part show up and others might be exiled or step back

[@cinnamonrose5599]

As I recover from the numbness I used to survive, it's overwhelming to experience the buried panic & despair. Remembering & actually building my authentic Self feels like a hero's quest for sure. Gratitude for the info out there helping me find my way.

[@rhondabrynko8393]

It’s so true… I saw a therapist and she couldn’t “get in” to help because I didn’t even know myself when I got there. The “victim” was who came to therapy. And I felt like a fraud when I left those sessions.

[@danadragulescu5842]

The narc splits in order not feel his weak side and the co- narc splits in order to survive the abuse . Is that right ?!

[@danadragulescu5842]

Oh, ok. Thank you! I was not holding of the lovebombing which was anyway so short. I was already pregnant bevor i can run away.Instead i held a lot to the potential that this relation might habe been If we were not broken inside.

[@danadragulescu5842]

The Motto who triggert me was " you cannot make the same mistakes and expect a different result". That was the beginnig of me changing as person and in the same time the end of the relationship . When you are selfconfident, get a job, get a car , friends, set boundries, than you are no longer interesting for a narc!!

[@Ayewitness]

Oh I have to disagree at the stage of my life now I am painfully aware of my trauma I’m struggling with. It’s a nightmare being me now.

[@iamjustsaying4787]

Being me provokes contempt and emotional attacks.

[@MissMisery-y8u]

😢

[@dominiccocchiola6922]

Its sounds like.. even though the guest took on a malignant disassociated personality and it helped him in some ways. Proves that personality is affected by the adoption of identity. Supports my theory, adopting the divine identity, what ever that means with out starting a cult, may help us all heal our individuals which are not identifying with the greatest personality imaginable. If that makes sense

[@lilachiricli6756]

Richard - I think you have to split to seek therapy (or at least for it to be super useful) It happened to me the other day! Next day I was speaking to a counsellor with a huge interest in narcissistic abuse that I had found months earlier but had not contacted. I had a bit of a dissociated moment where I seen myself swamped and dragged "her" (my observed self) to a phone call, because even though I knew "she" was strong, "she" needed help. We both turned up at the consultation 😅 and I blubbed my way through it. Best moment ever!

[@mistiwaters1811]

Why is it that I can't stand anyone talking about Narcissism or being a victim anymore?! I'm so very tired of suffering & freedom is everything! Perhaps this is real healing ? I have no more tolerance for 'whimpy' talk anymore? Thank you Richard for being such a huge influence & a congruent person to my path towards healing. You're beyond your years & your work has immense impact!! FOREVER GRATEFUL! 😊🙏

[@trinekrogelien6389]

No, I was not aware that I had a split personality in this abuse. But I'm still learning every day after over two years of freedom. Joys and sorrows every day, but the feeling of freedom is greatest. Incredibly grateful and many thanks for everything I have learned from both you and Vaknin and many more! 🙏

[@flight4587]

The split creates such a strain! I broke!

[@tathe3786]

Simply wow, my body reacts just after Leaving the cult, With panic attacks….out of adjustment disorder, cause I splittet my self, to get into this cult fantasies!!! And after leaving or getting left of the cult… my real me comes back. This makes me panic and this makes me discover myselves. Lets me search my real me… to make me whole…. Cause the fantasy was just an empty dream with no life… so this empty space now is to fill with the to be to discovered ME!!!

[@spencerbrando4242]

They need you to place them on a pedestal they will get mad at you from taking them off.

[@jackskyeluke]

this makes so much sense, I can relate, so how can we integrate 'ourselves' so that our singular self can show up to therapy?

[@annemarie9980]

Another light bulb moment !! Please Richard can you unpack this in more depth for us....struggling to " like" anything 😢

[@pickle9753]

Brilliant 👏👏👏 you may not have uncovered the splitting Richard, but you are exposing it to the world in a much more helpful and productive way than those five books….I had never even heard of narcissistic abuse before I spent seven years eating it, while being slow boiled and extremely exploited along the way. Thank you for exposing it, and saving lives. I don’t believe I’d be alive today if I would not have found your channel and learned about all this, so I could see what was happening to me, and leave. Thank you for your time and thoughts, and all your hard work in changing the way people see, and deal with mental health problems. Thank you for changing the world for the better ….maybe I’ll eventually be able to leave my house and join humanity again one day ……once they get their shit together 🥴😂😂 💪🔥❤️☯️🖖🦋

[@HarmonySoldier-mg7sw]

Omg. Wtf. I’m shaking my head and feeling the deepest sorrow. The last few sentences have just help me see that I’ve recreated the covert narcissist cult since I escaped at 17. I’m now 56. Yet being dead inside with a gun to my head and 3 gods condemning me to being criminal and evil I guess I’m lucky I’m alive to see feel and heal this torture and terror.

[@realityjunky]

Every minute of every day, our brain gives us two mandates; fit in with other people but also be yourself. This is not our fault, it is just how our anatomy evolved. But the struggle between the two is so strong that it can supersede the survival instinct and lead to suicide. People would rather suicide than face the crowd. Very powerful. Critical thinking skills are the only tool that I'm aware of to make sense of it all. First thing on the list is identifying what is real and what is imaginary. If we could just embrace that reality, we could make so much progress. No one selling snake oil would ever succeed again.

[@Potatoslice]

the idea that the abuse of narc has to show up to therapy, not the authentic self = mind blown

[@intention.adventure]

The thumbnail/cover photo for this video is 💯💯💯😂

[@Rebelion209]

I was in a cult for 7 years. I was very deep and saw things that regular church goers didn’t see. I felt like I was so strong! I didn’t realize until I got out how anxious I was for so long but I was so detached that I couldn’t recognize it.

[@Mr-Lucian0_0]

I became aware of the splitting when I realized I was in a state of cognitive dissonance. From then, I became fixated on sourcing anything and everything I could to define or explain what I was experiencing and why I was I became stuck in that mental state, and why I couldn't snap out of it or exercise my own executive function without overwhelming anxiety and stress stemming from the lack of trust in myself or my sense of judgement, and rightfully so. A part of me gave considerable amount of time and energy to whether or not acting and behaving against my character and not in line with my core values was identified by my subconscious (or other forms of self identification and beliefs) and responded with forcing me into mental state of cognitive dissonance as a defense mechanism or just my being's way of correcting itself once I realized my will was proving to not be strong or capable enough to make the right choices and hold strong to them. So I would say initially, no. I was not aware of how cultivated I was going to become though I was aware every time the abuse would restrict me from being who I was, as if experienced the same splitting in my childhood, and even then I had a sense of it being wrong, but accepting for the sake of surviving is the conditional programming many experience and I'm not exception. Though I would like to think through biological design or spiritual purpose & meaning of life as a human being, there is a predetermined or basic construct of how we are supposed to develop and grow, and however much progress we make is for us to find out. Pardon the rambling, monkey branching from one concept or topic into another, I tend to deviate a lot now. 😅

[@aycha_1449]

Hahahaha! I love how you were humble in admitting that you were wrong and it wasn't your "discovery" after all, but you just discovered the discovery of other people. 😆😛 Other than that, I always had a sense that the vital knowledge that I need/we need is right there, under my/our nose(s). But somehow humans stubbornly refuse to connect the dots. And when you dare to try and talk about the connections and patterns you see (e.g. between group behaviour at a corporation and some kind of individual toxic behaviours), most people treat you as if you're talking about some kind of voodoo and put you down. It is so relieving to me that slowly, after all these years, it turns out that I wasn't wrong and that it was just the incapacity of me and people around me to come out of the shared fantasy and perceive things in a different manner. Honestly, having had all these "gut feelings" and perceptions denied for all these years, also by people without personality disorders (who were oftentimes the victims themselves), feels like emotional abuse too.

[@kellycampbell2346]

Reconnecting with authentic self for me is an ongoing process, 10 years post that relationship. Not understanding how to repair at times, so thanks for sharing your work. I find it really helpful x

[@Sparksofjoy1111]

“What do I like?” Has been the theme of discovery since gaining my freedom. I’m still not sure some days… it seems like I’m not that fired up about anything but maintaining peace and flow.

[@PigOfNinja]

"You have to ask yourself questions like: what do i like?" So very true, and unsettling when you realise that you don't even know how to start finding that out.

[@daniellebalouise9596]

Someone please talk to me about this, because I am struggling so bad to keep surviving while living with my narcissistic mother, and I have been FEELING such major changes in my mood and personality since she's upped her abuse, and I just, I really, I don't know, man, nothing is making sense to me right now and I feel...I feel like I'm really in my traumas rn, honestly, I'm struggling to just find a way to breathe.

[@sage9836]

Jerry Wise has info and he talks with clients about staying ok while in bad situations. Good luck.

[@Freedom-2BME]

Remember there’s crisis line who have people that are avail just to listen in times that feel overwhelming and we lose ability to make sense of things

[@not2longnow]

My step daughter is suffering the same, until i can get her away from her moms psychological abuse. Work in progress. Shes a vulnerable narcissist. I follow Richard, dr ramarni, the royal we and lee hammock. A great range of material. Get yourself out of the house ASAP.

[@weerallinfluxanthazgood3456]

I do like that bit about ‘who turns up to therapy? It’s not the personality that was subjugated in the cult’. That is a really useful observation. Isn’t it Codependency on steroids? Like when Julia Roberts preferred whatever eggs her boyfriends liked in Runaway Bride? But about everything and at the cult’s insistence.

[@agatadabrowska8515]

cognitive dissonance in my opinion makes us split from authentic selfs so if our childhood was like that its like home at the first moment with narcissist and if not recognised the splitting begins🤪

[@alyciamills9069]

I remember thinking at one point “wow this feels like abuse”

[@kris_ty685]

This video just blew my fucking mind

[@monicaborunda2815]

I figured this out long ago , I didn’t know the term for it but intergrading the old you back in is a scary thing especially when that version of you was broken too .

[@jdmarr2259]

My value in a narcissistic relationship was like host to an insatiable parasite. It was reenforced by my upbringing as a scapegoat with a sociopath father & a borderline personality disordered mother.

[@linnseybrenner5484]

I see this. It's been this way my whole life.

[@banderson6470]

Do you believe there is such a thing as a “one man cult”? When I was in a relationship with the narcissist now 3 months no contact my eyes are opening more and more and I feel like I got out of a cult. He did many things a cult leader would do in a group. However, I see him as a one man cult.

[@mudchatpotterynbricks]

absolutely!

[@cmcas]

You can never express or think for yourself, bc if you do you will become *enemy number 1*.

[@brightstar4321]

Is it a cult persona or our inner child that allows us to be infantalized by the narcissist? (because the narcissist fulfills a need we didn’t have as children and reverts us back to a childhood state)

[@sage9836]

There is a book called "We were not Armed" by Christine de Vedrines where she escaped a cult leader who took over her family and stole their home. The psychology professional who wrote a forward explained the theory of infantilization.

[@Naturallylifted714]

@@sage9836can you write the theory

[@Freedom-2BME]

WE are the EXPERTS after being in a relationship with someone with NPD, we are aware that we split / dissociate - but yes it’s difficult to access the other part of ourselves simultaneously. I’m aware that I don’t acknowledge depth of the abuse ‘because’ it’s been pushed down as a coping mechanism for so long I’m afraid I’ll not be able bare facing it and the huge impact it’s had on my whole being. What’s not talked about in this video segment is WHY we went into this relationship in the first place and why we stayed. I’ve questioned this for myself: I was already living in a disassociated state from extreme trauma when I met him - there were early warning signs but I ignored them - maybe because he’d told me about being abused as a child and my over empathetic side overrode my instincts. I’ve often wondered if the trauma I’d experienced as a 17 yr old has been so difficult to face that staying in an abusive situation was a distraction and less painful than the abuse… That realisation is SO so sad 😢

[@Blueocean881]

Once the narcissist returned after 5 years to follow I immediately blocked. But that’s not the point: I also unfollowed everything I was unconsciously “interested” in to avoid criticism or mockery that was associated with them. I also refollowed the things and people I was interested in. I no longer had to live in fear or shame. For the first time I realised: I can exist as my true self and don’t have to put up with ridicule or torment. I got rid of the problem: once and for all.

[@Wisdomseeker5]

If the therapist don't understand splitt, cult, brainwashing ...It's waste of time, money and We get revictimized

[@DellaSummers-u8c]

Wow, so so helpful. Can't tell you how helpful. We are our surroundings and shaped by our environment so within a cult which to my understanding is everybody in unity/submission with the rules of leadership following principles that merge the group into a whole stronger body, and stepping outside of that is punitive behaviour, ignoring ect...this makes sense that my trauma around cult leaders or just incredibly manipulative leaders it's all harmony and love within the community obeying there expectations and to step outside of that to do something that isn't the taught and highly emphasised teaching therefore disfellowshipping you for the audacity to be different to require the opposite to what is being drummed in and therefore viewed and treated with disregard easily discarded for not staying within the rules of leadership is this a cult thing too? The split thing makes so much sense but can we rewire ourselves to be the untraumatized version of ourselves? also as people we need to be connected to people to grow to flourish to be tried and tested in our character since trauma I struggle do this I can react, feel justified, feel abused but I know me before it happened always took accountability for everything and things went over my head even big bad things which was to my detriment. It seems I left one cult and fell into another one but the obedience to the leadership and biblical teachings brought about such joy and freedom so they must have been doing something right? I guess the ego thing comes in, loosing ones humility through feelings of threat and danger creates an ego and a strong sense to protect yourself when simple humility could refine and better shape my character, simply excepting and letting go but this is very difficult to do when your prefrontal cortex has been smashed it's changes in the brain that make it hard to let things go but with time, effort and practise it can recover through repetitive positive affirmations and retraining the brain? like if you met every intrusive thought or paranoid thought/feeling with the opposite on repeat to your self the positive would win and the rational brain would become stronger and then the fight flight more manageable. There are so many disciplines and the sad thing is with being abused by a narcissist is so impacting on the self esteem and core values that your too scared to be you again cuz the good version of you got destroyed then the sabotage comes in! really helps to watch and learn from your videos and your honesty and strength in your true identity is very inspiring that fight that determination to work it out and overcome the traumatised brain. Every blessing to you both.

[@OnlyNoW1]

I don't wanna move forward anymore

[@ΜΑΡΙΑΠΑΠΑΔΟΠΟΥΛΟΥ-π7ω]

So, who shows up to therapy ? Eye-opening ! Amazing!

[@zombiemolly9711]

❤Absolutely… I’m asking who am I?… What do I like to do?

[@susiestogsdill5075]

I don't know that I've ever thought about it exactly this way before. I will say, that ever since childhood I've had this sense I'm living in a duality. The duality means/can mean many things. I just know it is.

[@healthandenvironment2998]

It's dawned upon me now that how I resisted going to therapy back then for long time because I temporarily built this ego that I would be looking weak and fragile. I kinda see it all now and it's quite interesting..

[@stickyandsweetie]

MAJOR this is MAJOR

[@fakename8856]

Cults and MLM pyramid scams have VERY STRONG similarities wpregarding cult behavior. I believe MLMs are cults ran by narcissists and the people lower on the pyramid are a mixture of codependent and other lesser narcissists.

[@mudchatpotterynbricks]

nailed it.

[@NikD215]

I am the scapegoat daughter of a high-level NPD single mother, her top priorities were men, random dick, partying, money and impressing others ppl, the last thing on her list was me. I was often left alone and if my mother was home, I had to go into my room so she could pretend I didn't exist. I struggled for years, decades even to even know who I was, why I so dead inside and why I avoidant relationships. I was first diagnosed with depression and 10 years later I was told I have CPTSD. With a lot of therapy, I'm getting better, I'm in my 40s and I'm still trying to find out who I am, I met a guy and am fighting the urge to sabotage it. It's hard y'all but once I realized that I was an orphan and embraced it, it got a bit easier.

[@not2longnow]

Im currently helping my step daughter who has gone through the exact same with her vulnerable narcissist mom. Its work in progress. She is also a scapegoat. Ill get her out eventually.

[@andrewcheatle4691]

Great content as always. The Narcissistic family is its own microcult - the same bizzaro world dynamics/ same unwritten rules... Would love to get a heads up on those 5 books mentioned 🖐️

[@kathleenb6375]

Narcissists split every relationship they touch, esp the ones with anti social traits. They will split your relationships as well. Splitting machines!

[@stickyandsweetie]

😂the holding image 😂

[@steve4524]

Jesus Christ that’s too deep for me to understand. I’ll keep to healing from a intermit relationship with a psychopath is a painful nightmare

[@kaitlincox9714]

I feel at 31 I still don't know who I am. The trauma responses have been my identity

[@alexanderalguire8064]

Is this clip from the course? This si sick content. Thank you:)

[@bewarefalsenonprofits]

Richard, you are a brave pilgrim as you map the road to hell and back. As you spulunk around in Satan's anal track, do mark your trail and take some emergency oxygen because its a deep, dark tunnel. Most of us are so thankful to have escaped, we aren't looking back are drawing maps. Thank you for your bravery and hard work

[@johannakunze3300]

Yes it's all splitting. Maybe check out TEAL SWAN. She calls it fragmentation.

[@deathuponusalll]

From what I’ve heard about her I’d stay away from her or take what she says with a grain of salt, from what I’ve heard her teachings seem to be a bit cultish

[@Zeon7510]

​@@deathuponusalll she IS a cult leader actually, your absolutely right. (But she also gave me a lot of value from her videos. As with anything, we gotta take what's good and set aside the rest.)

[@deathuponusalll]

@@Zeon7510 I would like to agree with your sentiment because I know it comes from a good place however I don’t think everyone can have that level of discernment and the audience for this type of content is most likely to be in a very emotionally vulnerable state of mind and is very easy for people to buy in 100% what she may say for the 10% that may be true sprinkled in. Personally I rather follow content creators on here that have another motive for helping people other than making money and have the educational credentials and even own personal experience with this abuse as well as professional experience and so they’re more inclined to help others in situations they themselves have been in. I’m specifically speaking of two here in particular that I would recommend everyone check out, one is named Jay Reid and he’s a psychologist from San Francisco,his channel is “Recovery from bad childhoods” but if you were to look up his name and “scapegoat” his content should pop up. Another excellent source of help is this another psychologist named Rebecca C. Man Seville and her channel is “Scapegoat Recovery”. I hope this info helps anyone who gets to read this.

[@lornacameron-burnett5040]

What is the difference between this phenomenon and cognitive dissonance?

[@TheWirelessWoman]

It takes a psychosociologist to under cult pathology. It's part self, part interaction and socialization