The DOUBLE-SIDED SHAME of talking about your narcissistic relationship GRIEF

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@youngblood8540]

For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who don't understand, no explanation is possible!

[@hurricaneaquatics]

That's for sure.

[@turquoisoul]

So very well said! I got accused by someone who i thought understood me saying that I'm using my brother (who's a covert narcissistic and an mother who enabled him) as a smokescreen to justify me remaining in the victim role.

[@michele0324]

The first time I saw this comment on this channel was 4 years ago and it still holds true.

[@LPoppy2023]

Well said!

[@Dr.DorisTorres]

so well said!!! ❤

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

It’s so difficult when so many close to me do not acknowledge reality. People would rather invalidate and shame my experiences than face what the abusers are doing. It makes me so mad and sad. Giving myself permission and psychological safety. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@caroleminke6116]

You’re right! It’s insane when people put their heads in the sand… let them eat dirt

[@carolgordon5522]

I can relate to this and it makes it more difficult so i just drop the people around me

[@OhPleaseMary]

So many of us were raised to be "loyal" to our family of origin and taught that talking to others about "private family business" is the ultimate DISloyalty. Once I realized what oppressive N.A. I had been raised with and living under for decades, I choked every time I tried to talk about it! I prefaced every remark with, "I feel so BAD talking about this..." because I genuinely didn't want people to think badly of my 'beloved-by-everyone" abuser, but I also needed to verbally work my feeling out. There is so much guilt and shame instilled in us, daily, from birth, it's no wonder that most survivors of familial N.A. never are able to awaken to the reality, because once you awaken, you can't go back to being unaware.

[@detjaggillar8081]

A question: N.A. ... do You ment Narcissist Abuser? *I'm asking cause I haven't seen that shortening before and I am from Sweden*

[@OhPleaseMary]

@@detjaggillar8081 Yes, sorry!

[@moniquejackson7741]

Brilliant. Healing from Narcissistic Abuse is a constant push and pull between our normal but unhealthy reactions to the abuse and the reality that we have done nothing wrong and are not at fault. Validation x100!

[@annettewiitala4911]

I’m so thankful for you and the people who have been through this as well being able to feel connected and not alone❤

[@Dr.DorisTorres]

Yes, it sure helps keep us sane, doesn't it?! 🙏♥

[@SarahChia-ns6sy]

Yes! I feel guilty for sharing my reality with friends because I'm so worried that I'll be running a smear campaign. Which is the last thing I want to do having been a recipient of that myself!

[@caroleminke6116]

Choose those intimates wisely 😉

[@juliebrown8755]

Thank you so much for this video today. I needed it to understand what I'm going through so badly! I have been shamed for talking about my experience and then gone quiet and questioned what is wrong with me. It's so nice to hear that it's not me 😊

[@kyrajager907]

It's incredible how my external family members can say the narc has been doing better over the years but then say they were afraid when they were kids, but then telling me I should "get over it", when they only had 10 days in a year, and I had to deal with the narc for at least over 6000 days.

[@hurricaneaquatics]

They aren't delivering it correctly for sure, but you'll have to heal yourself and pull yourself out of it. 6000 days? I've been in a severe abuse, Malignant narcissist wife for 11500 days. It's horrible and I sympathize with you. I had to pull myself out of the trauma bond and confusion. Come to terms with how they treated you and realize that wasn't love. No matter how bad you wanted it to be or the excuses you made for them, it wasn't love. You can do it.

[@BemaSeatAcademy]

Yesterday I started really crying hard over this man who trashed my future and finances ... and I honestly pondered, "Do I even have the right to grieve? I IGNORED the field of red flags. I CHOSE his STORY and lovebombing instead of facing his boundary trampling and remorseless cruelty. I SOLD MYSELF into his control." I invited the destruction. How can I weep as a victim when I embraced his tyranny and abuse?

[@AuntBee185]

Keep listening to Dr.Ramani It’s not your fault. You can love yourself and you will eventually see it’s not your fault.

[@BemaSeatAcademy]

​@@AuntBee185❤❤❤❤thank you 😊

[@caroleminke6116]

You were simply mistaken but that couldn’t have happened if you weren’t headed into codependency so now you get to work on your own healing 💔❤️‍🩹♥️

[@Lailat854]

You didn’t know or understand as all of us! It is not your fault

[@Gardenwitch1954]

I understand.❤

[@orielwiggins2225]

Thank you! I always appreciate when you do these more nuanced explanations and validation of very complex situations that are neither black nor white and are all kinds of messy in the middle. The Catch-22 is so real.

[@moniquejackson7741]

Thanks for finding the perfect words for me! Dr. Ramani is amazing.

[@Levandetag]

Yes, and that catch-22, is "damned if you do" and "damned if you dont" more often than not. Not allowed to say a word, the freedom for me, went from being the silenced kind, not allowed to show any feelings, and anger was damned already, so sitting in a corner smiling, having no other than the "allowed opinions" anywhere, changed in my 50ies into the truthteller. (jobbig känsla vara den också!) After been to some sort of talktherapy 25yrs ago, where no one had any at all knowledge of abusive relations, I got worse with no questions, all blame on me, never a question what was going on, and then I did not know if I would dare to tell any one, out of loyality to those close to me, cause of this crazymakings of "the victim". It was more a shame on you, who cant find out of these traps of mazes. So, I started to work on me, and got knocked down, worked on me again, and again, and knocked down from the same sort of persons, wanting to dominate, no cooperative thoughts in them. And not so much left of that in me either, after that. Felt robbed of my kindness and my former generous sides. And then, into good professional knowledgable trainings, so I dared to get my anger up-out, and it gave me courage, enough to not allow, more abusive sort of things. Still people wont understand a thing, cause it is like glue into all too many, as living in a cult, with the only message: "this is the only way allowed, we respond to nothing at all." so, we are: "Damned if you do, and damned if you dont."

[@Michelle-uz2ch]

Thank you, Dr.Ramani, for this video on the complexity , distinctions and discernment of shame, when sharing and not sharing. It can be overwhelming dealing with the disorientation, humiliation and isolation one creates for survival, within the dynamic of a traumatic relationship. Your compassion, knowledge and awareness, your capacity to understand and communicate so clearly is inspiring, validating and empowering. Thank you for speaking to this aspect today. Sending you gratitude and appreciation for your generous public service toward betterment in health and recovery. 🙏❤🌱

[@caroleminke6116]

It’s about truth! Authenticity is only possible when we tell it like it really was… as a childhood survivor of CPTSD I felt shame from puberty onwards. I’m now 66 & call out every behavior that isn’t OK anymore in myself or others. No contact with the family of origin was also necessary, but I don’t share much with anyone outside these support groups. Dr Les Carter is a real help, too, with his channel Survival Narcissism

[@elifxplore]

u give off such caring energy, ur like an aunt who always has the right answers to ur problems and would probably give you a home made tea after listening to u. ur videos feel like a warm hug. ur book made me realize how text-book narcissistic my parents were acting and the insights i gained with the information you provided made me a different person. with the information at hand i could rationally distance myself from the big emotional turmoil inside of me, slowly let myself let go of the guilt of not sticking to my parents no matter what and put myself truly as my first priority in my life. i went no contact, grey rocked and now i have relationship to them again but its different bc i see it through a different lens. i thank you truly for the work that you do, for me, it was life changing

[@TrishHermit]

Lol. Everytime I speak to a "friend" about this situation with my man, they always "Why don't you just leave him, who cares if you have a kid, no job, license or anything because he held you back. You'll be okay (homeless). " .....Then you get the "Then why didn't you leave?" Or ,my favorite "You picked and chose to stay with that person, despite seeing how bad they were." Like no one ever tells unruths.

[@Bindy36]

The worse thing is when you tell people what’s been going on and they still be friends with them. It’s like a slap in the face and more devaluation. Like you just don’t matter.

[@eritquearcus8002]

Feeling a shame of being the victim always scared that if I tell my story, people will judge me saying you always had the possibility to go away. They don’t get that. It’s not the case most of the time that it’s like a prison and you don’t have the key, knowledge that this video bring us is a key that will set us free as much as it’s possible and when it’s not physically possible, we have to be autonom in our minds in our psyche

[@bronwyntanner4501]

I talk about what went through as much as I can so as to remind those folk who are feeling nuts because of another person's behavior.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

I’d like to share this. When my x was making my granddaughter a flying monkey. She got into my car and no doubt projected exactly what my x said about me. Being raised by a narcissist somewhere I quit listening I believe. All I could do was look at my granddaughter. I had no clue to what she was saying!! It was narcissistic language. And how did she understand it?? I guess I just stared at her. Because whatever she said was dropped. When my narcissistic father berated me growing up. I knew what he was saying was real bad. Because my whole body would heat up and I’d feel like crap! I had no clue of this language until I studied it. I know my father basically destroyed me. Anyone else? Not understand this language? In other words looking back if the narc was triangulating a family member I never got involved. Again I had to study narcissism to understand wtf they are saying. I felt shame and guilt all that.. never good enough.. I am guessing it was the energy.

[@LPoppy2023]

Can relate to this comment so very much ditto for me” narcissistic language” perfectly said*

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

@ omg Ty ! I just woke up from a dream screaming and nothing coming out!! It was a narc abuse dream. God I am so relieved you understand this!

[@lorisunshine81]

Thanks Doctor Ramani for your compassion and help. You give good advice without asking for anything. God bless you.🤗🙏❤ So grateful ❤

[@dxn0001]

Well said Doctor Ramani!

[@paulapinson7685]

Thank you Dr. Ramani.

[@Smartbeautifulawesome]

We don’t even know what’s going on anymore. We already know how these family members are. It’s ridiculously unhealthy. I’m starting to think we all have our own journey and sorry our families are messed up/perverts and crazy yes it’s depressing

[@caroleminke6116]

Not your responsibility 😉 no contact works 💔❤️‍🩹♥️

[@kat-75]

I was agrieving lastnight. Over my lost youth to ignorant filthy adults, I hate them still and always.

[@johnmaggiorino4493]

Wow...I thought it was me thinking I was disloyal.Ive always wanted and have protected the family letting this out😢

[@caroleminke6116]

Truth heals 💔❤️‍🩹♥️

[@tosca9561]

Unless someone else has experienced a toxic narcissistic relationship they’ll probably not have any understanding of what you’re talking about. Shame, anger, worthlessness, frustration, the platitudes and lack of compassion are sometimes overwhelming. I’m very particular about who I talk to or share anything with because it’s much easier and less tiring than dealing with the willful ignorance and patronizing attitudes of most people. I find more peace and true affection with my birds and companion animals. There are worse things than being alone. Peace and grace to all who deal with this.🦋

[@LPoppy2023]

Thankyou❤

[@Snivebyram]

I am am anxiously awaiting the family members visit ( parents, and siblings) next week. It occurred to me that I have tried repeatedly to no avail, addressing the psychological dynamics of our family. Initially while in nursing school, and learning about Adult Children of Alcoholics, and then again in 2016, when I began to learn about narcissistic personalities. Although I have accepted that it is what it is, and won’t change, I also felt like it was necessary for me to tell my 86 y/o mother that her unwillingness to accept my truth has impacted my ability to ‘share ‘ with her going forward. We were very close until I caught her whispering to my spouse that she was glad to know that we were getting along better.

[@thesavannalady]

One thing that is also double-sided is that I have initiated no contact (well minimal) with my dad, and now my siblings are saying that I am immature for giving him the silent treatment. I don't have contact with my siblings as they are flying monkeys and so my no contact is confirming to them that I am in the wrong and I am immature and have mental health problems. I definitely have mental health problems but I am trying to set boundaries with this and it is blowing back in my face. Saying this, their response is demonstrating to me even more that no contact is the right decision.

[@LPoppy2023]

Keep the strength you sound like you are navigating it!!!. thank you for posting this

[@andron967]

Don't worry. If you've got any value in pride. You'll get over it before this phase of development is finished. I don't see any way around it to get to the our next level. I only hope I make it. Changing after the personality is wired up isn't easy.

[@privateprivate8366]

I think that, for many of us, even when we come from a narcissistic family and, if the mask(s) dropped or we simply started picking up red flags and patterns later, we have the idea that right is right and wrong is wrong. But, what I learned is that, from a lot of people, no matter what hemisphere they hail from, at minimum, that’s blurred and, at worst, they seek to enlighten me, that those things aren’t at all true. Nor should I attempt to rectify them, even for my own safety. Particularly when it comes to a narcissistic family. That it is I, who is the confused little mule, that doesn’t understand that, if my family wishes to abuse and scapegoat me, that it is disrespectful for me to even want better for myself, let alone think I should do anything about it, including leave. It’s sad that’s the standard and sad that so many have to fight for their lives, within this antiquated standard.

[@caroleminke6116]

No contact 😉 I’m 66 & just wish I had let them go sooner

[@privateprivate8366]

@ same. I’m almost 60. Although there’d been better years with mom, had I known what was coming🏃🏽‍♀️

[@LPoppy2023]

@@caroleminke6116 that is my regret but better late than never right

[@debbiejahnke8724]

I share here because it’s a place to be real. I guess it helps to share so things become more clear and less hidden or buried. My whole life is a combo of public and hidden. My true self is very hidden in the narcissistic conditioning. It’s very hard to share in a way that helps or is appropriate in the outer world with people around me. There is a lot of shame in sharing here or on other platforms. The expectations I have and what the outer works would think me also is a part of it. And of course the social media platforms subvert our normal social behavior. I can’t tell if or how what I say is received. And yet it feels like I’m having a face to face talk because I’m wired to do that. I hate zoom for example because it drives my social cue abilities absolutely haywire. Anyway just my thoughts. Thank you for the good content. And no, I don’t think I’m delusional lol. Another source of shame.

[@moniquejackson7741]

Yes, it can be painful to share; but every time you tell your story, you heal. You also help give others the courage to share their story as well.

[@debbiejahnke8724]

@ thank you best wishes to you

[@caroleminke6116]

Boundaries are the gold standard we’ve all here to work on 💔❤️‍🩹♥️

[@debbiejahnke8724]

@ ❤️

[@debbiejahnke8724]

@ boundaries are a tricky thing. For years I’d hear that word and I didn’t have a good concept of what it meant. I think I’ve got a pretty firm hold on it now. Very helpful info I’ve gotten here and on other KZbin sites.

[@JKDVIPER]

I liked the shorter, real to the point content. That was real applicable.” 😎🤙🏻

[@sallyjaynes2433]

Point to point, Dr. Ramini -- expressing inner grief of Covertism effects & wanting to place that somewhere outside of ourselves to a level of understanding listening nature from another human being..... Much appreciative 💯

[@maevebutler4641]

The very best thing i did was to attend group therapy for women experiencing domestic violence , sharing our stories & concluding that all of our partners had attended the same school & that they also had the same teachers The word Narrcisistic wasnt a thing way back then They were described as men who abused women, either way their patterns were exactly alike & they were most definitely Narrcisistic We all shared deep compassion for each other & empathy also played a huge part The freedom of sharing with like minded women absolutely relinquished any feelings of shame & i made lasting friendships there including the mediator who managed the course over 20 years ago Great video DrRamini & thank you

[@Greenwings701]

In a world where social media links everyone, plus gossip being the new add-on to American religion and a grotesque pastime you can do anywhere, I'd hesitate to discuss one's narc problems with any group that wasn't anonymous.

[@Blocktier]

You are really helping people out doctor, thank you

[@debbiejahnke8724]

Thank you. This video has cleared up a recent trigger for me. I watch a few similar youtube creators about narcissism and leave comments. Recently I watched a recommended video and was asked for my email by a trusted source. It was just part of an online form for advertising. So I did. Then received a few form letter emails from them. I didn’t feel the need to answer those. But then get a form letter from the person who does the content asking why I haven’t joined their program? So I answered it. And…he forwards it to the guy that was sending emails before without saying a word. I’m not even sure who’s running this email advertising system but I can tell you it triggered me bigtime. Then I answered the guy he forwarded it to. Starting to feel shame confusion and manipulated. The guy is friendly and I think it’s still a form letter but he connects to me with the comment that my pain will improve with the program. So I feel all warm and fuzzy for about a day. Then shame, confusion. Now I don’t know if it’s ok to make comments under their content because of this interaction. So I got the whole trauma bond effect. Love bomb, devalue and discard. I’m sitting here thinking I still like the content. Still want to join the program but not just this minute. I need to make some money first. But that the guy in charge has his own traumatic history and he’s “fragile” so I need to walk on eggshells and can’t tell him or whoever emailed that it was a shitty thing to do. That any advertising is really not helpful. I can decide myself to join or not. But the ad is fine. It was the personal name of the creator email with the guilt trip that got me. Now I don’t trust or fully respect the source and need to use discernment on how to pick and chose content as useful. He’s really insightful. I’ve learned from narcissists and then had to bail out or got booted by them. Not that this guys a narcissist but I think he’s going to be a pantload. So that’s how I’m approaching this. Thanks for helping me sort out why I’m so triggered by it.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I have been told to be the bigger person, take the high road, be more emphatic to them, and do it for the sake of the family when I try to keep healthy boundaries around the repeatedly unapologetically abusive toxic family members. I can’t stand it. Makes me want to isolate from everyone. Finding safe supports. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@patrickbinford590]

One has internalized so many things. There are so many introjections. This makes it very difficult to not feel ashamed to talk about it. ❤. First comment as well. I'm going to CONTINUE (LOL!!) to show my psychological stuff here: S.H.A.M.E. = Should Have Already Mastered Everything. F.I.N.E.=Feelings In NEED (of) EXPRESSION. ♥️

[@beingilluminous]

Thank you for those acronyms! Recalibrating to healthy shame has been my recent focus and I appreciate empowering mantras. Growing past our internalized shame like this is such a challenge, thank you for being here!

[@craigmerkey8518]

Thank you Dr Ramani... years and years and years ago I became (insert banned word) > ____________ with individuals who have poor boundaries and view themselves as some brand of special. Only to "act" surprised when the predator treats them just like everyone else! I don't have time or space for "it never happened to me" syndrome. It hasn't "happened" to you yet!!! Also no, I am not available to process your feelings weeks, months, years, or decades later when you finally own up to the predators behavior that has been displayed in front of you, because you are so "exceptional" to be treated bad just like everyone ******* else!

[@AuntBee185]

Thank you!

[@jennysedgley8284]

I needed to hear that this morning. I'm ending a friendship due to their manipulative, aggressively confrontational behaviour, & I feel a sense of shame for even getting into the friendship in the first place

[@azsuehayes]

Wow, thank you once again making sense of my crazy lifelong relationship. I often wished he would have cheated or hit me so I'd be understood.

[@MsPowerfull23]

Me too!!! 😢

[@caroleminke6116]

Covert narcs are worse

[@bluemoony102]

Thank You So Much Dr Ramani 🫂 🙏🏼♥️

[@PenninkJacob]

Thank you!👍❤❤❤ I wonder what effect having 1 super all-powerful narcissist will have on narcissism in the rest of the narc population. Will having I super narcissist possibly reduce narcissism in the general population? Now all narcissists can get infinite supply by knowing they “won” and they are “superior” … Research-Case study?!?

[@BlueStormBuG]

A new villainy ark.

[@MarisaPaola-um5yb]

Im ashamed that my own sister and father would think i am so pathetic and insignificat as to treat me they way they have, flying monkeys must think i am indeed useless and stupid, so much so that even my own family thinks so. I only tell the truth if asked, but im an introvert, i dont have the showmanship my narcs have.

[@valiizajames925]

It's funny how Dr. Ramani referenced the romantic position of "The Little Mermaid" movie because I also reference that movie when the sea witch sings "poor unfortunate soul" and those Grey stolen spirits, that were just drained of everything!! That's how I describe how It feels...Though Very Grateful!! This Healing Is For Me!! Thank You 🙏🏾

[@JKDVIPER]

One thing I do know, once fear and confusion take over, it’s all up in the air. It takes being ASSERTIVE sometimes. 😬it’s not pretty, but it equals YOU in the drivers seat, explaining why you aren’t happy about things. But we don’t wanna do it to catch a FREE GUILT TRIP. ❤it’s more just saying IM WITH YOU but..... I have issues with a couple things. If that gets flipped on it’s head as a REPOSTED guilt trip back at you, don’t say I didn’t warn you. People aren’t fair a lot of times. You can be bending over backwards showing up for people, and the minute you share a dislike you’re on the chopping block.” 🤢🙏💯the answer is to get more adulation here and other places. Learn. 😎🧠🙏💯

[@caroleminke6116]

It’s an inside job to love ourselves first 😉

[@t_nels]

The second guessing ourselves/our actions can be so hurtful. I went to a late lunch yesterday. If we had never opened up we wouldn't have known how similar our situation. While there is that feeling that we are betraying a partner, the betrayal to ourselves comes a far second, why? Since that person could be very seriously ill now she second guesses herself and is brought to tears just because she did something for herself. If she hadn't done this one thing for herself he could have possibly been happy. One thing?! One interesting, hobby, joy other than staying home. What is this?! Silence keeps the pattern going and self care becomes a nail in the coffin.

[@shellysawchuk1190]

I had a new councilor tell me I should have companion for my abuser because he's living in his own personal hell

[@caroleminke6116]

Above your par grade, dear! All narcissists control the therapy dynamic so go alone to someone who knows about CPTSD or go gray rock plz then no contact with the abuser

[@blu-r7h]

This may or may not be related to this topic, but with the US's newly elected president, will narcissistic behavior escalate for victims who have been healing from relationships? I have noticed it in some people in my area. For me, as it happened, I felt shame. Sharing felt shameful and the narcissist seemed to love his victory by proxy(new president). The game went to a new level. I've had many emotions to process and I am glad I have some healing under my belt. My compassion is for the ones who are new to narcissism and may be very confused.

[@Freethnkr]

I notice that none of the narcs I know bring up 2 specific areas unless asked, and even then, they will shut down or say its too painful to discuss... 1. Their past trauma, hurts, pains & dissappintments 2. They never disclose the bad things they do to others. They will explain situations of what others do to them, but they never admit their toxic behavior as a form of manipulation, a lie, or gas lighting. But if you listen carefully, you will pick up on the behavior yourself. It's as though they don't understand what they did or do as something " bad", its normal behavior to them and just how they handle things. The problem with this is that if you call out the behavior they get upset. And I always wonder? Are they upset because you exposed the behavior? Or is it because they feel as though you're accusing them of something they aren't doing.

[@shar6507]

Right! I just mentioned to my husband, who has been very on board with this stuff for years, that my family system is in the 15-20% most narcissistic. He shocked me by suddenly saying, “Oh it’s not THAT bad…. bottom 50% for sure, but you weren’t raped and beaten every day.” No, it’s not the worst 1%. They can even be nice and fun sometimes. I said the most narcissistic 15-20%. Like, everything said on this channel. It’s not typical, and it is hard.

[@demikhalid2678]

I ❤ you, Dr Ramani.

[@brian-d-berentsen]

I do too love her presentation in the 2d through 7d universi.

[@Ariadne76-k3d]

Yes, I don't talk about it because people don't want to know.

[@oceannomad4236]

I don't speak up due to shame or guilt but for the practical reasons that our grandchildren would be devastated if they found out their favorite grandma was really an abusive monster, that the legal system will reward the narc with the house and monthly support payments for the rest of her life in a grey divorce and that I don't want to make the contemptuous abuse any worse.

[@lorianttila9698]

Omg. My all time favorite fairy tale growing up was The Little Mermaid, the Hans Christian Anderson version, not the Disney version. Igads!

[@caroleminke6116]

I was raised on Cinderella & played her in real life as well as a third grade production 🤦‍♀️ we were betrayed by our society where narcissism is our norm

[@lorianttila9698]

​@caroleminke6116 it's ironic how even today girls And women want to be Cinderella. I think the movie Happily Never After nailed it. (Not to be a cynic)

[@kkryz]

I was thinking about the social media performative relationships. It probably is usually that they post more messages to each other and about each other on their pages when their relationship isn't actually that good. It is odd when they live together to be writing on Facebook. I remember a guy coming online when he was in a relationship and said inappropriate things to me (flirt) and telling me his relationship wasn't doing well. I think he said something about it was ending. Then days later, I saw this really lovey post from him to his partner on the Facebook wall.

[@gigicolada]

When I tell my mom it isn’t fair that her emotions leak all over me she goes into how she’s just a very emotional person (like it’s a trophy or something) which leaves me feeling like the cold-hearted A-hole. It’s very shameful. She doesn’t know she does it either and if I were to point it out to her she’d apologize and just do it again. It’s a pattern and I recognize it and don’t let it define me. Some days it’s hard, like today 😢

[@matthewwozniak9138]

I'm in a co-dependant relationship with my narcissist cat. It's not me, it's the cat.

[@wendyjo9267]

Mic drop-when emotional abuse becomes our normal 😢

[@marijajuresic2157]

I am having a weird time realizing what the hell happened with me and my ex boyfriend. I left him like 4 weeks ago, after a really toxic relationship. He called me a whore, saying that the first time we went out, we slept together, so he does not trust me. But we were working together prior to it. It was not first time meeting, but even if it was, I did not rxpe him, we both were in it. I lost a baby with him, but the doctor was unsure if it was gone yet or not, so she said "it might be dead, might be alive", we have to do test in 48 hours. I was in pain and frustrated and just so bad, I started laughing. The nerves... He held that over me for so long, saying how I wanted our child to die, which was so not true. I was crying in pain, he started yelling at me, saying he cannot sleep because I cry to loud. He locked my kitten in the toilet the whole night because poor kitten had diarrhea, he didn't even let me go to stay with him. But however horrible he was from time to time, he was also so kind and he loved me. Or he is the best actor in the world but I find it hard to fake it that good. Narcissist cannot fake so good, right? I loved him so much, so when I finally decided to leave him, I picked up my cat and left in the middle of the night almost. My boss gave me a week off, and I had a mental breakdown and admitted myself to the hospital. They gave me a shot of diazepam, but the psychiatrist was so nice, she kept touching my should and saying to let it out and that I should be proud of myself etc. I feel free. Nobody is yelling at me constantly. But 3 days ago, he probably by accident liked my story from his fake account, and I had the biggest panic attack ever, I had to go out for a walk just to calm down.

[@pinballer638]

I have a question. So I finally left the toxic narcissist relationship with my mother. It has been wonderful since, there is still a part of me that feels guilty because afterall it is my mother, even though she has been the worst part of my life. I'm the scape goat and my brother is the golden child. After I left my mother, both my dad and brother did not want to talk to me and sided with her. Is it common for narcissists to have that much control over people? They are pretty aware of her behaviour but always brush it off, but then again, so did I for over 40 years. Please let me know if this is common. She does play the victim all the time and I'm sure she made this all about her and she did no wrong, not sure what story she's telling everyone, but I imagine it's pretty creative. That's the one thing that was the most difficult was attempting to speak with her when she lived in an alternate reality and she would constantly gaslight me and if my father dared to go against her and say, "no that didn't happen" he would feel her rage too.

[@Zitdotdpt]

It was a mental health problem, you need a doctor for high blood sugar and new learning techniques. The gaslighting like narcissist is not effective at all but a true guidance. First you need to know whats the problem of the family for example money, material needs, food that you eat and peoples around. Cause and effect, if everything was fine then mental hospital is available.

[@pinballer638]

@@Zitdotdpt what are you talking about?

[@Zitdotdpt]

@@pinballer638 I'm sorry I'm not good at words and advise but I know first aid kit and I understand how to use them.

[@GypsyJulie]

Yes, it is common. I lost all family when I stood up to my narc father. My family complained about how nuts my folks where, but in the end they chose to alienate the truth teller. Keep learning and reading others experiences. It helps to know you are not alone.

[@caroleminke6116]

Mothers are more covert & try to guilt you but they actually did us as much damage as the overt father in my case… I went no contact @ 40 & didn’t attend her open casket 🤦‍♀️ funeral either! Same problem in family as you except for my dad but take it from me… I’m 66 & guilt free as I escaped to another state for retirement then went no contact with the siblings aka the enemy camp 😉

[@mary-anncarleton7578]

Hi Dr. Ramani will you do an episode on how Narcissism might skip a generation and how this effects the family dynamic.

[@theaspiebridge]

Invalidated- “they do support you”

[@aldelgado9343]

My oldest narcisist brother has poisoned my flying monkey brothers to send me to seclusion.

[@PL-tj5sd]

❤

[@caramelfrappuccino234]

Do you offer one on one therapy ?

[@MissEmmaLucyJones-c4e]

Dear doctor Ramani, my landlord has given me two months to move out of my home because he wants to sell my flat. I will be homeless in two months from now. Today is Friday the 8th of November 2024. I feel suicidal. I have an elderly mum and an older brother and an elderly aunt but none of them will let me move in with them although we all have good relationships. I will be homeless and on the streets two months from now. No one understands that I have got learning difficulties so it will be really difficult for me to be rehoused by my local council. Wish me luck? From Miss Emma Lucy Jones from Flat C 14C Connaught Road Folkestone Kent CT20 1DA. 🙂

[@Boyhowdy875]

My therapist doesn't get it, my therapist doesn't even believe in such a thing as narcissistic personality disorder. I wonder if they even believe in personality disorders. I get the sense that they think everything is on the spectrum which I guess is correct also.

[@susanbradleyskov9179]

“Everybody manipulates.” One of the psychiatrists I unfortunately tried to talk to about my first narcissistic marriage.

[@sushmayen]

It's a tough situation because people blame you for failed relationships. Sometimes we blame ourselves as it's a confusing experience.

[@sandramarques9296]

Absalutry true

[@Dr.DorisTorres]

🎯🎯

[@mary-anncarleton7578]

❤❤❤

[@famiilliii]

I lost all my childhood friends right after i talked about my narc relationship. They say... You still with him, after all these years. They got fed up of my grumbling Ive had 5 attempts to leave him. But i have zero in the bank, he can't afford child support, alimony and his own rent. We tried separation but same address, didn't last long. I'm just stuck

[@Gemma-r4o]

Exactly well said

[@merlinwizard1000]

29th, 8 November 2024

[@gellicbecca5191]

Failed from day one

[@pamelamoore6239]

You didn't talk about the parent of adult narcissistic children...a lot of shame there. Dr. Peter Salerno believes that the narcissistic trait can be inherited by as much as an 80%.

[@demikhalid2678]

First coment.

[@robincurtis8086]

Bless you for this articulation of life in a narcissistic relationship! I am ending a 30 sick relationship with my husband who fits these descriptions perfectly. I easily entered into the relationship because I had a sadistic narcissistic father. At almost 70 I am now having a clarity that I can say “never” had since childhood. I am unwilling to live in these patterns anymore. Do you have any online resources for support groups? I want your advice, as I know you have compassion for moving forward in one’s life with peace and productivity.❤

[@RavnThor]

Relational healing and connection is so powerful! Thank you, #DrRamani ❤ I release the shame voice! I release the double-sided shame voice! Our #stories matter!!!!+ ❤❤❤❤

[@LynnCopei-e7d]

Dr.Ramani can you pls make a video about the effects of narcissistic abuse on ppl with adhd ? ❤️🫶🏻

[@sandramarques9296]

Thank you ❤