The Father Wound Impact on Relationships, Career and Health - Terri Cole

[@terri_cole]

Do you have an unhealed father wound? Where might it be impacting your relationships, ambition, health, or perspective? Remember to download the guide for a relationship inventory: www.terricole.com/the-father-wound-impact-guide And join my free Father Wound training happening this week! terricole.com/training

[@RobertLombardi-vn2yp]

Hi Terry , The Father Wound podcast resonated to me in many ways. People pleasing, my relationships, co dependancy. Could this probabaly be at the core of my addiction issues Ive had of and on in my life? Thanks , Bob Lombardt

[@Michelle7.17]

This is my story, but the differences are, my father was kind, he NEVER yelled at me, he was actually the only person in my family of 8 who was good to me, but do you want to know where the problem lies? He was my greatest Gaslighter. He gaslit me everyday when it came to my mother’s treatment of me. I have all of the issues that you listed in this video. I am a recovering FA and I’ve grown and healed so much, but this father wound is still present in my life. I especially suffer from a lack of confidence in work. I’m nearly 54 years old, I loathe my job, but I don’t have any confidence in myself when it comes to learning new skills to better my professional career. Your video today is by far THE BEST on the father wound. Thank you Teri!❤

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion, Michelle ❤️ A father wound can definitely be present if a father was an enabler of a narcissistic mother, for example. I invite you to check out the first video I did on the father wound as well, if you want to learn more: kzbin.info/www/bejne/g5S4kqKpirqogrs

[@monicaramirez51015]

😮wow 😮I resonate with your shared experience. Thank you 🙏🏻

[@Findingfaith2025]

Thank you, Terri Cole. At 31 years old my father wound threw my body into overdrive. At the time I did not know what was going on. I've now had just over two years of horrific medical issues. Today it became apparent how deep my father wound is. I have done a lot of other healing work on myself and my relationship with my husband and children. The information you have put out for us to heal is incredible I am beyond grateful 🙏

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad to hear my content is helping, and I am witnessing you with compassion and sending you strength ❤️

[@michellet796]

I watched this a few days ago but was just activated recently over somethings that reminded me of when my dad didn’t show up for a visit once when I was a kid. My dad literally not showing up for me in so many ways really laid the groundwork for the underlying belief of not being wanted/ not enough. This physical abandonment has affected so many of my male & female relationships over the course of my life to the point of beating myself up to feel worthless over things when I dont hear back from people or they dont show up. Its taken me a couple of years to work through things to even realize how this feeling is familiar. But even trying to talk myself through the situation (ex. Things happen...) doesn't seem to completely convince me that I still have value or that I'm wanted/appreciated. I'm not giving up though because I've already made good progress. Even in this struggle, I am so grateful for all I've learned from you Terri (as well as from others). I would still be stuck feeling "what is wrong with me?" if it weren't for people like you who are so generous with sharing their knowledge. Thank you!

[@terri_cole]

Thank you so much for coming back here to share this reflection, Michelle 💕 I don't think you're alone in this at all. And it makes so much sense why you feel this way. I have a video about self-worth here that might be helpful (in case you haven't seen it): kzbin.info/www/bejne/jZzWkmSroaZ8hdE

[@AngeliqueTraveler]

Great stuff. The relationship of a child with a facade of a father/figure leaves an intelligent female child in a way misguided. That leads to insecurity because while the father has projected a lie (about his devotion to his family, adulterous affairs, etc.), the volatility and other toxic emotions he’s displayed haven’t correlated with the child’s behavior. When a child misbehaves they know they will be reprimanded. When they’re reprimanded without justification the scars of the injustice are lifelong. My husband was very healing for me too. His death opened me to the loveless reality of my childhood.

[@terri_cole]

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband 💕

[@d24314]

I really relate to growing up with a father who suppressed my expression of anger but overlooked my mother's frequent physically violent rages. I worked through some issues recenly in counselling and I've put in healthy boundaries, stopped people pleasing and adjusted my expectations of my 'family'. I was at a family event and I asked my father how he saw my personality and the first thing he said was i was rough and then i said "me, rough?" then he said no perhaps that was the wrong word he said impatient. I told him that it made me angry over the years that they my parents didn't accept me for who i was and only seemed to want a pleasing, well behave person and at 45 i'm tired of being a caricature. I felt it was sad that he didnt describe any of my positive traits, and then I remembered my counselling and reframed it as I'm standing up for true self and creating healthy boundaries and allowing people to experience the real me and so i took it as im being my true self i will ruffle feathers, people won't like me, however being and expressing my true self is so wonderful. These videos are so powerful, thank you.

[@terri_cole]

Thank YOU for sharing 💕 "I'm standing up for true self and creating healthy boundaries and allowing people to experience the real me..." 🙌🙌🙌 Yes to all of that, way to go!

[@SP-ml3bs]

It's a lot easier for me to feel anger than sadness. My dad was a rageaholic and constantly yelled at my brother, mom and I. He and my mom used to argue and yell at each other and I was taught to yell at an early age. If I started crying though, my dad would get mad at me and hit me so I learned to hide sadness. I was also taught to figure things out on my own early on because it would make my dad very angry if I burdened him with my needs. My mom was emotionally absent too, she was so consumed by work and by her marriage with my dad that she didn't pay much attention to me. They are the reason why I never fantasized about marriage and kids; it looked awful and I wanted nothing of it. Ironically, I have been with my partner for 22 years though.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️ Thank you for sharing your story with us.

[@Linda-390]

This is blowing my mind...my life was different, but same father wound. All my behaviors are so similar to yours terri...thank you so much it all makes sense 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad it clarified things for you, Linda ❤️

[@itsmeaimster6698]

Signed up for the training.❤ This really resonated- turning anger into tears, everyone trying to keep him happy (because anger was ok for him), great at providing but terrible at actual “fathering”… no emotions, no empathy, no love. I’m pretty sure it was “learned” from his father who also seemed very distant. Thank you for doing what you do! I appreciate you so much! 💕

[@terri_cole]

I appreciate you for sharing, watching, and coming to the training! ❤️ Glad this video resonated.

[@BritTellstheTruth]

Thank you Terri. Yes I have the father wound and all of this is relatable. I’ve been doing the work in therapy to heal from all of the trauma & grieved the loss of what could have been a healthier childhood with emotionally healthier caregivers. It’s so liberating to realize these things in my mid-thirties.

[@terri_cole]

So glad you're feeling liberated, Brittany ❤️ Way to go!!

[@NKRAIEM]

The right to have access to the information that we need to heal! What a powerful statement, thank you so much just for saying that alone😊

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@hedie9206]

Thank you for your videos🙏🏼❤ My father was abusive and I find myself repulsed by men. Like somehow I feel numb towards them like I eventualy did with my dad. I can't form any sort of meaningful relationship with men. I honestly don't know how to even begin to unpack this. Really looking forward to the father wound course. I appreciate all that you do. Thank you

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion and looking forward to having you in the course! ❤️

[@Iris-c5f]

Such an awesome video Terri. I always like your compassionate tone of voice. ❤

[@terri_cole]

💕💕

[@myrkatt3d]

Wow, very relatable especially your own personal story. Appreciate this endlessly!

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️

[@YonaLove143]

Hello, I am blessed to have just happened upon this channel. I love the gentle communication energy style that Terri emulates in her videos. It is resonating with my energy. Thank you @terri_cole for sharing your creativity through your education and being dedicated to helping us all on this unpredictable journey of life 😊.

[@terri_cole]

Well thank YOU for being here, watching and sharing this with us 💕 I'm so happy to have you here.

[@cherishursoul2933]

Thank you so so much for the opportunity to heal… You are so amazing and I’m so grateful for people like you who actually care!!! Thank God😇🙏💐🌺💜

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for watching and being here 💕

[@kellymuz646]

Your story, speaks volumes to me! Thank you ☺️

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad it resonated with you ❤️

[@ladonnamartinez9104]

Your information is most helpful and timely! At 74 1/2 I'm encouraged that I might at last be able to move past my father wound(s)...all emotional, none physical yet (as you shared) just as impactful, 💖💖

[@terri_cole]

I am so glad you feel encouraged ❤️❤️

[@Ra222-8]

Thanks for this. I sent an Instagram post you made about the father wound to both my parents via text. It opened up honest conversation that I never thought would be possible. I feel they were able to see themselves as having those wounds too. Wow, what a shift! Thank you. We love you and greatly appreciate your guidance. May all your dreams come true. Amen.

[@terri_cole]

Oh, this makes me so happy to hear 💕 I'm so glad it was helpful in opening that door. Sending you all lots of love!

[@dianeatpeace337]

Good job @empath2freedom550! Viewing our parents (and truly any adult) as the child they once were can often help us understand and depersonalize their crappy/difficult behavior. The older I get, the more I understand this. It doesn't 'excuse' the behavior but it does somewhat 'explain' it. I imagine too, the fact you did it in writing likely made it much easier for them than if you were standing in front of them face-to-face trying to have a conversation about it.

[@Amyglowsup]

Wow the dynamic you named with your mom and father is like how my parents are, I appreciate you putting that dynamic into words

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@patriciakurko4023]

I love your content; it already has helped me a lot. And the colour of your lipstick is just amazing 😍🤩

[@terri_cole]

❤️

[@tinypea]

Ohbwow here we fo again im getting the feelings from when i began my mother wounds❤❤❤❤ im gunn love this

[@divinelysurroundedgonzalez8777]

You’re telling my story.. I went to college counselor and asked to help me enrolled.. my parents didn’t even know my plans… thank you

[@terri_cole]

I see you ❤️❤️

[@JenniferWilliams-bb7hi]

Hits the nail on the head

[@rootcausereset]

Really excited to dig into this series. So so important and I’m in and out of healing and always see there is so much more to do. I feel like everything you are saying is speaking to me! Looking forward to learning from you. Do u still see clients ?

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad it's resonating with you ❤️ I don't see clients 1:1 anymore as I'm trying to reach a larger audience. I do have a father wound course that's available inside of my membership, where I also host four community Q&A calls a month if you're interested in checking it out: terricole.com/tcm You can also reach out to support @ terricole.com and my team can send you the name of a therapist I recommend. ❤️

[@agakantor]

Terri I love your teaching, energy and everything that you do. Thank you for being you❤

[@harshita11_11sharma]

I don't have words that with this video how u have helped me to figure out what's going on in my life shortly ...I wanna dig deep into this ..as all my wounds are turning into physical problems now and now I am suffering a lot because of it that's why I wanna do this healing work . Thank-you so much ❤love from India ❤

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad it was helpful ❤️❤️ It's common for these things to become physical. You're not alone. I'd love to have you at the father wound training I'm doing beginning today- if you want to dive in deeper, that's where we're doing it! terricole.com/training (If you can't make it live due to time differences, by signing up you'll get the recordings.)

[@alwaysandi5867]

Terri, you just hit me deeply with this. My dad was sooo similar. I'll be doing the workshop. Thank you.❤

[@terri_cole]

I hope you enjoy it 💕

[@nebifluj6960]

I appreciate your content so much. Thank you!

[@terri_cole]

💕

[@Maliilse75]

Amazing content, thank you so much Terri! You made me realise that the reason I'm hyper-independent is because deep down I don't trust anyone. Whether with my boundaries or my feelings. I'm also becoming quite scornful, I find. I look down on people. This is super relevant for me as I've been freelancing forever and I've been approached to be hired for a very lucrative position. I realise that my resistance to being fully part of a team is deep mistrust of people. And yes, I've also worked at crappy places about twenty years ago that convinced me that the corporate world sucks big time. But you made me realise part of the reason why, and also that I have very rigid boundaries now. Gratitude!

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing these insights with us ❤️ I feel you on the hyper-independence, too. In case you missed this one, I did a video recently about boundary styles, too: kzbin.info/www/bejne/ooqtaouqatCVY7c

[@beverlyhogan3682]

I am amazed at my lack of awareness. I have always been “self-aware” and therapy-savvy until I was experienced a trauma related to the family dynamics that erupted during parental caregiving. I did not realize how much this trauma affected my insight about myself until I started listening to your free You-Tube talks. The free self-assessments and guides you share are so effective in inviting an objective look at myself. I am grateful for your guidance and sharing with others. I have both mother and father wounds but didn't realize the later. I won’t be able to participate in your free training but I will keep looking.

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad my work has provided new insights for you, Beverly ❤️ Just to clarify, you don't need to be able to make the training live. We're sending out the recordings to everyone who signs up! But I will have another two videos coming out speaking to the father wound.

[@beverlyhogan3682]

@@terri_cole 💃Thank you so much for that clarification!!

[@amylynn4122]

This is so interesting. I relate to everything you are saying, but I had an amazing, loving father. I don’t understand why I am struggling so much. I’m doing a bit better with therapy, but I so appreciate your videos and watch them regularly. Thank you so much for all that you do. You have truly blessed me so much. ❤️

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing, Amy, and I am glad to hear you're getting help in therapy ❤️ Is it possible you have a mother wound instead? I have videos on that here in case you want to explore that: kzbin.info/aero/PLMaWdZCQtiJ8cIK6K5juupfnQEZSlh7Qk

[@marilynoverton8142]

I so relate, Terri! Thank you so much! Many blessings.

[@terri_cole]

💕

[@milomazli]

This is soooo good dear Teri... helping me so much, thank you ❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad it's helpful, and I am witnessing you with compassion and sending love 💕

[@tinypea]

Thank you very vwey much

[@tinypea]

Thus is very healoful i was birn to both milignant codeoendant parents ibwas also birn into the marine corp as mu father is a veteran ❤❤ ive healed my mother wound and u rememded me i habe to heal mybfather wound as well❤❤

[@terri_cole]

If you healed your mother wound you are capable of healing your father wound ❤️❤️

[@mariagonzales9946]

Thank you for sharing all your free videos. You are very generous with all the time, energy, and value you put into your videos. Great information! Thank you for sharing your experience with the father wound. It makes you relatable and easier to connect with you and the information you share. ❤❤❤

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for saying so, Maria! ❤️

[@nadyc.lassk.4426]

Back from thw days I was a child I felt abandonded from part of my parents(they did leave me to live with grandparents in another continant). I remember being pr angry or in tears. Still today every pain I feel in my heart(and I literally feel it) comes throughout my eyes into tears. And I am 41 almost. I feel like a little girl emocionally wounded in so many ways. Few days ago I left a comment my fether died and the last thing we fight and I told him he is not a father to me. I think maybe I have a wound that I didn't have a father as all of my other friends and my grampa was there but emocionally unavailable, strict and always yelling at my grandma. So literally no one from men side to show me reall men love, unconditionall. That makes me still sad and I feel like I missed something big in my life. But in the end I am aware it i what it is and I am grateful I had a lovely grandma who was everything to me🙏🥹🖤

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion 💕 It makes sense that you feel like you missed out on something big and that the child within you feels wounded.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

I can relate to this so much….you & I had very similar father….. I can’t wait for the course….ty so much!

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️

[@simadehvari3464]

Thank you for this information! First time I'm hearing about it...a lot to thnik about 🙏💛

[@terri_cole]

You might want to watch the father wound 101 video I put out a few weeks ago as it's more of a primer ❤️ kzbin.info/www/bejne/g5S4kqKpirqogrs

[@khd7271]

Ma'am, I just want to say, you're a deadeye when it comes to this stuff... The only thing different in my case was that rage was accepted, but sadness and despair were not. I found that a strange juxtaposition. Please keep up the good work. You speak truth ...and these days... such things are in short supply. Fight on, valkyrie.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing, and I'm glad it resonated ❤️

[@milomazli]

Omg this is sooooo me 😭😭💜💜💜

[@Pgy035]

Can you talk more about not wanting to ask for help and not wanting to owe people things? Even though we constantly overgive?

[@terri_cole]

Sure, I go into that a bit more here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/gKLHdIugrbJqg7M Let me know if you were looking for something else, though!

[@valdapierre6650]

Terry , I am going to be asking until you see it. One of the way it impacted me is my avoidance or my deer in headlights reaction to conflict event tho I know they are coming. It was way worse you book helped me with boundaries but now I am having trouble creating template for conflict

[@terri_cole]

I am glad Boundary Boss helped you with boundaries and I am witnessing you with compassion regarding the conflict ❤️ Growing up, was there a lot of conflict in your family of origin? How was it handled? Sometimes, exploring that can help us understand our current reactions to conflict. I have a video about communicating during conflict here that might shed some light: kzbin.info/www/bejne/rqHOm3mhnbBpqsk But it really is about discovering your downloaded blueprint around conflict from childhood experiences. It could be that you don't feel safe when you see conflict arising, which is valid if you have trauma around it. How could you create a sense of safety for yourself? Are you with people you'd consider safe, or not? (I have a video about creating safety in relationships here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/nGPYnmqwZa6gq8k) I hope that helps xo

[@MarylineAdagbenon-wg5ye]

Im not that comfortable to talk about it but i have a narcissistic mother and a controlling, negative and critical father so yeah it wasn't easy but im starting find my way and create something out of if

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️

[@MarylineAdagbenon-wg5ye]

@@terri_cole Thank you Miss🩷

[@DanielaSanft]

is there a difference in the effect on sons and daughters?

[@vixter28]

Can totally relate to being afraid of the father figure My mom & all us kids were very afraid of him My stepdad was an alcoholic and he raged, throwing plates of food across the room. Who knows why Had to walk on eggshells because you never know what kind of mood he was in We couldn’t cry or show anger either ! I couldn’t cry or show emotions for a really long time until I started therapy I swore to myself I would never be with anyone like that and I ended up being with a very abusive alcoholic in my early 20s And I’ve been with alcoholics ever since Wish I could stop this cycle because I really don’t want that anymore

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion and sending love ❤️ You're so not alone, and it is possible to break the cycle.

[@bridgetbrown8123]

I’m curious about how much of this father wound is a result of not just neglect and abandonment or abuse but also what the mother models for the daughter about how men are more worthy of power or whatever. What about how we copy what our moms do when it comes to the men in their lives

[@terri_cole]

Such a good point, Bridget! Actually in today's episode (coming out soon), I go into what I learned from my parent's marriage and how I repeated those behaviors in my early relationships. My family of origin talked badly about men for so long and I inherited those beliefs, too. But yes- I learned what it was to be a "good woman" from my mother, in many different ways.

[@bridgetbrown8123]

@@terri_cole awesome 👏 i shall check it out. Thanks for all your heartening support. You are an important person in my beloved community.

[@terri_cole]

💕💕

[@lindagross1288]

The Father wound really hit me. My Father was a great provider but he kindof let my Mom do everything. He was warm, kind and everybody liked him. His father died in an accident wen my Dad was 6 years old. He grew up without that bond. I tried so hard to get a man to love, me approve of me, spend time with me, give me my self esteem and to value me! It never worked. IS this all related to my Father wound? I did not get alot of self esteem and gentle love from eith parent. I look forward to this course. Reveal it to heal it!! Thanks Terri 😀

[@terri_cole]

It could be related to a father wound. ❤️ Did you try to win the approval of your father, or get him to notice you (like I did)? Then seeking the approval of other men might be like the child within you seeking a do-over. I go into that more in the first video of this series: kzbin.info/www/bejne/g5S4kqKpirqogrs

[@sula1529]

What If their was no father in the picture?

[@carmenl163]

An absent person is very present. Your father's absence probably had a great impact on your life.

[@terri_cole]

That can absolutely cause a father wound. I go into that more in the first video I did in this series: kzbin.info/www/bejne/g5S4kqKpirqogrs

[@shaniecegullison]

Yup me 😢❤

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️

[@shaniecegullison]

@@terri_cole thank youuuu 😊

[@tinypea]

As it nit hard to figure mybdughters so called dad who has zero contact with him due to abuse reasons really terrible abuse we cant go back and we choose i have had toneducate my lil girl on narcissist abuse so she could have as much insite as her lil age is possible

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love ❤️

[@tinypea]

It sucks that i as the oldest chokd of these narcs had tonraise their kida my siblilings and now he has rerired twice and owns a hoise for hia wife while me and my 7 year lil girl arw currently in a shelter ❤❤❤😮😮

[@Lia-hd7rh]

my dad told me he wished i was a boy, especially when he wanted to start a swimming pool business he said he would have been able to if i was a boy. theres tons of other fucked up things he'd say but i would dismiss or bury it because he was drunk, stuff like he wished i was never born.

[@terri_cole]

I'm so sorry he said those things to you, Lia. Sending you love ❤️

[@shaniecegullison]

Never ever met my father Dont even know who he is

[@ArchanaMehta-pn4hm]

Archana mehta 🙏✍

[@delenthiairby9156]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@UncheckTheBox]

Thanks for your service to humanity.🙏🏽🫂❤️

[@terri_cole]

💕

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

I ❤ you, Terri Cole. It takes immense courage to do everything that you have accomplished 🫂❤️‍🔥 you’re sooo inspirational to me!!!

[@JuliaShalomJordan]

Appreciate your vulnerability.🤍

[@terri_cole]

💕

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

I ❤ you, Terri Cole. It takes immense courage to do everything that you have accomplished 🫂❤️‍🔥 you’re sooo inspirational to me!!!

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️