Reparenting: What It Is, Why It Works, and How to Start - Terri Cole

[@terri_cole]

I'd love to hear your thoughts on reparenting below. Are you skeptical of it? Is it something you've tried? If not, are you willing to try it? What exercise might you benefit from? Remember to download the free guide for even more ways to reparent yourself: www.terricole.com/reparenting-guide

[@trevawhitmoyer682]

Just a note re: being relatable. My son, who is a >1 million subs KZbinr, often tells me about how important this quality is. In the next video, you may just want to talk about having a coffee/tea break. Mushroom coffee is not relatable tbh. Your work and help is wonderful, Terri. I have your first book and just looked for your new one on Audible. I want you to flourish, keep it real, and be relatable. ❤

[@CMackenzie-e5u]

Just wanted to say, you make a great mother/auntie/soul sister to a great number of us. You embody a lot of those truly special qualities, Terri. I’m so glad you exist in this crazy world of ours! 💚

[@terri_cole]

Thank youuuu 💕💕

[@melissawilde1690]

The biggest thing I have done to reparent myself was to cut contact with my parents a year ago. I've been thinking of doing it for 15 years. It wasn't an easy process, I lost one sibling and 2 nieces in the process, but jesus fucking christ I have never felt better! It was like an invisible weight I'd been carrying around all these years was finally lifted off my shoulders! I've also made my self-talk more compassionate and encouraging. I've picked up some of my childhood interests again and even bought and restored the toy typewriter I used to write on as a 10 year old. It's been really enjoyable. Thanks for this video Terri

[@terri_cole]

I am so glad to hear you feel better, Melissa ❤️❤️ Thank you for sharing. I love the idea of having a toy typewriter, especially one you used to own!

[@Retroglamamour]

9:08 _”I promise not to take credit for your accomplishments, if you promise not to blame me for your failures. And I think that’s a really good deal with parents. _*_We succeed or fail on our own terms, and having a parent be supportive whether you’re succeeding or failing instead of being panicked that you’re failing.”_* 💯🔥

[@terri_cole]

Thanks for sharing that takeaway ❤️

[@virginiahilman7786]

I also felt that while i parented my children i was reparenting myself as well

[@trevawhitmoyer682]

I’m the “queen of validation” to all the good qualities of my friends…because I didn’t get that growing up.

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@virginiahilman7786]

I have been reparenting myself with books and tv shows of families that are loving and real.

[@terri_cole]

I love it, Virginia! 💕

[@forresttaylor6954]

My parents were on drugs and always fighting each other my whole child hood I'm really glad I found this channel I had no idea this was a thing.bless you

[@terri_cole]

I hope it was helpful 💕

[@CMackenzie-e5u]

I’m glad you’ve touched on this important topic. I had an absent father as in he was literally not in the picture and a mother who was around but emotionally unavailable, neglectful,completely checked out and unattuned. SO, I am now taking on the task of reparenting myself. If you ever were to put together a course on this, Terri, I’d be all over it. Seriously! There’s just not enough out there on this and so many folks need help!

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad it was helpful ❤️❤️ A lot of my courses involve reparenting- self-care and self-consideration is at the core of a lot of my work. ❤️

[@CMackenzie-e5u]

@@terri_cole that’s marvellous. Thank you, Terri, as this is such an important component. I remember even once Nicole le Pera said that even those who were parented very well still require some degree of reparenting.

[@i.a.m.270]

I love your energy and advice, so nurturing and empowering. I feel safe and hopeful when I listen to your videos. Thank you ☺️ To answer your question, reparenting gives me permission to be the child/teenager I was supposed to be but felt afraid to be or judged. I wanted to please my mother all the time. Now as an adult I have a hard time knowing who I am and what I want. By reparenting myself I get in touch with my essence and my heart and can feel more confident know what I like and who I truly am: a human worthy of love and respect.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you so much for saying so, that warms my heart ❤️ Yes to reparenting to find your true essence 💕 So beautiful!

[@delenthiairby9156]

You are definitely my internet mama❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@tlopez5821]

You are amazing, Terri! I appreciate your words and support so much in my self-healing journey, everything you share is super helpful. Bless you!! ❤🙏

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@dreamscape405]

I've been doing this for a few years now, and the more compassionate I am with myself, it makes me realize just how much my parents hated me, and didn't give a damn about me.

[@terri_cole]

I see you ❤️❤️

[@kristalynndesigns]

As a latchkey child growing up, learning to take care of myself has been challenging and often neglectful. In turning 50 and writing a chapter in Magnificently Made about being a latchkey kid, I have finally pivoted to working on my needs and self-care. Your insights on reparenting have been a significant reminder of this. I’ve been following you ever since I heard you speak at the SOAR event in Long Branch, NJ, and I’m truly grateful for the impact of your wisdom and how it has helped me. Thank you!

[@terri_cole]

This makes me so happy to hear 💕 Thank you so much for all of your years of support and WOOHOO for pivoting into self-care 👏👏

[@chriszayak2023]

I’m currently watching Madam Secretary!!! It’s sooo good! I sent this video to my wife!

[@terri_cole]

Haha, glad you're enjoying it! And thank you for sharing- I hope your wife finds it helpful 💕

[@fabianafran927]

I think reparenting is so important and crucial. I believe it helps us to build our self-esteem, self-love and it also helps with co-dependent behavior. Amazing video! ❤

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing and watching ❤️

[@Rndxlll]

We love you so much thank you for your service to humanity

[@terri_cole]

Thank you ❤️❤️ That means a lot!

[@terryrustad1800]

Bravo!... Profound Excellence 💫

[@twylajollymore3665]

I have and continue to struggle with my daughter s BPD and your insight to unemotional parenting is EXTREMELY valuable to my understanding. more of the whys ❤️ The Boundery boss is my go to now and it gives me hope to set healthy boundaries for us so I can not only be there for her with genuine feelings and not pretend . ❤❤❤❤

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad my content has been helpful for you in navigating such a difficult situation with your daughter ❤️❤️❤️

[@lisadee.]

T, T, T!!! This Reparenting message is of such great value. Although I wish I would have had this balance earlier on in life, it hits home right now because I am in a season and in a better position to now receive it! It brings such healing.🎉❤😊 The right timing is everything 👍 I totally dig your vibe. 🙏

[@terri_cole]

I am so glad to hear this came at just the right time for you, Lisa 💕

[@gratefultobehere]

After listening twice, what most stands out is: 20:53-21:08 Agree wholeheartedly and still working on inner child work for many months. Sounds like it’ll be ongoing. Thank you 😊 💖🙏

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@virginiahilman7786]

I read Anne Ryker novels and love Anne Lamotte

[@lailasalli8743]

Oh God, did this hit home with me on so many levels. I shared this with my sister and will watch again with my husband tonight. Can't wait for your new book to arrive! You look so pretty today..love your blouse.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing and watching ❤️❤️ I can't wait for Too Much to be out and in everyone's hands!

[@leanneb9111]

Thank you so much for this very important, very healing message. Your calm clear clarity goes a long way in making me feel safe. Thank you for the time you put into sending out these messages. ❤

[@terri_cole]

Thank you so much, Leanne ❤️ That warms my heart.

[@rayel4366]

Critical Voice.. is so hard to turn down. Thank you for the tips and steps.. keep working on it ❤

[@terri_cole]

You're so welcome 💕

[@leighmcmanus8378]

Thanks for this, it was great.

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad it was helpful 💕

[@amymcdaniel2935]

Can't wait for the new book. I will get it on audible!

[@terri_cole]

I can't wait, either, woohoo!! 🙌🙌🙌

[@lial2713]

thank you

[@terri_cole]

You're welcome!

[@sizzling_rozes]

Thank you so much so healing and what I needed. I love the approach of calling ourselves as ‘what do u need my love’. ❤️‍🩹

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@denisel780]

I have watched so many of your videos and learned so much from them. This one is SO special too. I really appreciate how you described reparenting. I've never heard so much love and care put into the description before. You made it seem more real and tangible. Thank you❤ Looking forward to working through the guide. PS I LOVE jacks too 😊

[@terri_cole]

Thank you sooo much, Denise 💕 I'm so glad to hear my description of reparenting resonated and hope the guide is helpful. Woohoo for jacks!

[@moen4645]

Thank you so much for this video Terri and every & inspirational idea. 🤗💕It helps! I have been practicing and have also realised that for sometime I have been using the expresion-how wonderful-as an internal dialogue and uplifting word to pessimistic imprints. This talk will be a good reminder~so interesting to hear about being inconsistent or not knowing what you are going to get~and how this could create blueprints with trusting!

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad it was helpful and that you've already been putting it into practice ❤️ I talk more about "hot and cold" mothers in this video- kzbin.info/www/bejne/pXa4l2ufoLaCmLM

[@moen4645]

​@@terri_cole wow 😊 what a treat 💗 thank you~ thank you!!

[@virginiahilman7786]

I felt like i didn’t exist. i never went to school proms or dances i never went to my graduation i didn’t feel i deserved it like the others did

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion, Virginia ❤️

[@robertfitzgerald4505]

Hi Terri, since watching your interview on the women of power channel I have read Boundary Boss (Love), listened to the audiobook version (love) and started the workbook (love). This video really gets me in a soft spot, I’ve started doing some reparenting during my EMDR sessions and it’s something I’d like to continue with in my life outside of therapy. How can I support a child who doesn’t have parents that give him gentle, loving kindness? What would be your advice to build his self esteem and self worth. Thanks for all you do, you make SUCH a difference 💖

[@terri_cole]

I am so glad to hear you loved the book, audiobook, and workbook ❤️❤️ And how wonderful of you to want to support this child. Not knowing what your relationship is to them, I think just being yourself and being a safe space for them to come to with their problems is enormous. Kids need attention and love the most. If you're working on yourself, that also ripples outward, and you're providing a great model for kids.

[@virginiahilman7786]

Oh i also have Father wounds

[@beverlyhogan3682]

Perhaps when we create self-love and heal wounds, we will find the people who mirror these things rather than finding ourselves lashing out at those who we cannot -allow to love us - or those we find ourselves with that are a bit - too much like our unavailable parents -

[@terri_cole]

That's the idea, Beverly- once we begin healing, we begin attracting healthier people into our lives because we're shedding old patterns ❤️❤️

[@beverlyhogan3682]

@@terri_cole 💗🌟

[@Maliilse75]

Great video and guide! I have a question for you. I did a lot of inner work and going back to my childhood traumas, by myself and with therapists for the last twenty years (I'm 49). I'd say I have much better relationships with my parents than I used to. I don't feel like mulling over my old story anymore. When do we know that we have done enough of that work and we can stop dwelling on the past?

[@terri_cole]

Great Q! I would turn it back to you- how do you feel about how things are going for you? What are you looking to get out of reparenting, if anything? Do old patterns still sometimes show up in your relationships? If so, can you recognize them easily and course correct? If you're satisfied with all areas of your life, then maybe you can let things sit for a bit and just enjoy. ❤️ I would just examine why you "don't feel like mulling over" your "old story" anymore. If it's because you feel like there's no work left to be done, great! But if there's any fear or discomfort there, it could be worth exploring. (This requires a good amount of self-awareness and honesty but with decades of therapy I'm willing to bet you have both!)

[@Maliilse75]

@@terri_cole Mmm. What comes up is that I don't want to victimize myself anymore over the emotional neglect I experienced. I told my truth to my parents a few times, they were loving enough to listen and still experience some guilt over my childhood. They were so young and had their own issues. What I'm trying to do is correct what is happening in my relationships with them today, and tell them when I'm upset. I feel I can course correct, yes. I recently felt drawn to a guy but realised he was aloof and told myself: Not for you, babe! :)

[@terri_cole]

🙌🙌🙌 to realizing he wasn't for you! That + communicating your truth to your parents + advocating for yourself is huge. Way to go! I want to add that acknowledging the truth of what you experienced in childhood can simply be for you. We can heal parental wounds without the involvement of our mother/father/parental figures. Of course, it can be a blessing to work through it with them if they're available to it, but it's not necessary. Acknowledging the truth also doesn't necessarily need to be done in a way that victimizes us. I am all for feeling empowered in whatever ways we can. Does moving on for now feel empowering? What *would* feel empowering? Additionally, if/when old patterns arise, you might need to tend to those, but you don't need to constantly excavate things from the past if there's nothing left to excavate. Once we've brought the contents of the basement of our minds up into our conscious minds, dots tend to connect faster, if that makes sense. It doesn't mean we'll be perfect or never react badly, but it does mean we can catch ourselves when mistakes are made. (I can tell you right now I'm still in recovery from being a high-functioning codependent, for example!) Again, thank you for asking and pointing this out as I'm sure you're not alone in wondering. 💕

[@Maliilse75]

@@terri_cole thank you internet big sis! Yes! Im connecting the dots much faster know. Self-awareness is so important. Thanks again for helping us all to thrive!

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@annabanzon313]

I think that's why now in my 40s I feel demanding or impatient because I went through too much in my 20s

[@terri_cole]

I see you, Anna ❤️

[@rayel4366]

Hey... look your new book.. ❤❤❤

[@terri_cole]

Yes, I can't wait for it to drop 🙌🙌

[@albatross0175]

I meditate. I don’t use essential oils because the scents may kill my cockatiel bird including scented candles

[@piakopp6248]

So good and true ! And important! Thanks Terri 🩷

[@terri_cole]

You're so welcome 💕

[@TacoBella25]

Could you make a video for people who have a parent would but struggle with chronic singleness?

[@terri_cole]

I have videos about the mother wound here: kzbin.info/aero/PLMaWdZCQtiJ8cIK6K5juupfnQEZSlh7Qk and the father wound here: kzbin.info/aero/PLMaWdZCQtiJ998hZfFYuGWqN0RPxP4nyy I don't *specifically* focus on dating, but I think it will give you a lot to start uncovering. ❤️

[@MoondogMadness]

💖💖💖

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@Summer_Harvest]

I think my fathers' words didn't fit his actions. In his words he was very protective but you have to carry out what you say and you have to be around. I recall one time that he saved me from a dangerous situation and another when he stopped one before it started, however not feeling protected is how I lived. In my teens and beyond when things would happen I would freeze. I couldn't trust my self. Now when gaslit I have reacted. There has to be a balance, a healthy, healing action or reaction to a stresser to create for a safe self.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing ❤️❤️

[@Maliilse75]

I get you! Consistency in people's behaviour, between what they say and what they do, is key.

[@Summer_Harvest]

​@@terri_coleThank you for asking questions that resonate and get us doing the work.

[@terri_cole]

@t_nels It makes all the difference when people share and others can learn from different experiences and perspectives 💕

[@Lilith-o5w]

❤❤❤❤