The Fawn Response in Adopted and Foster Children

[@jessicaolson717]

We have not been placed yet, but we did respite care a few weeks ago for a 3 year old and I noticed this in her. She right away started calling us "Mommy" and "Daddy" which I gently would remind her that I was Mrs Jessica and that she would see mommy in a few days. She would run up to people at church and hug them. All day she would constantly say "I just love you too much!" It was all very cute coming from a cute as a button 3 year old, but deffinantly felt odd at times. I had heard about this with some foster children, but could remember if it had a name. Thanks for the video!

[@beavertonneurofeedback2363]

Fawn/Friend response is sometimes also called "people pleasing". I found this in myself in therapy (and brought it to light). My adopted daughter would show show anger and aggression as her primary defense while I would bend over backwards as a way to de-escalate the aggressor and keep myself safe. Glad I discovered it and healed it.

[@adoptinformed]

@@beavertonneurofeedback2363 I think so many of us struggle with people pleasing and don’t make that connection! Glad you were able to overcome it!

[@Julia_Swiftie1387]

Thank you for this awesome video, I waited the whole week for a new video, I met your channel Sunday, and already watched a lot, thank you for recording this kinda content ❤

[@adoptinformed]

@@Julia_Swiftie1387 welcome! So glad you are here! 😊

[@katdenning6535]

My trauma response as a kid was none of these. I had a lot of control-seeking behaviors where I was constantly trying to create & maintain a sense of order in my world. This was sometimes mistaken for people pleasing, when I really didn’t care about who liked/benefited from my behaviors…they were purely for my own sanity. I became borderline OCD taking it upon myself to wake up early & scrub the kitchen, make sun tea, color-code my closet, etc. I didn’t become a little Cinderella because I cared if it pleased others. I did it because I absolutely hated how dirty my home was & how disorganized my family was. Sometimes, what may seem like people-pleasing might be a different trauma response than what’s on the surface

[@adoptinformed]

@@katdenning6535 That’s great insight! I can totally see how seeking control would be a trauma response as well. We saw a lot of that in our kids in the early days when trust wasn’t there yet.

[@cdeuell86]

Thank you so much for this video! We just scheduled the third zoom call with a potential match.

[@tinahawley09]

Thank you, Katie we're trying to learn as much about trauma as we can. Ironically this has not been covered in any training/book thus far. I so appreciate examples of how you respond because I'd be at a loss.

[@adoptinformed]

@@tinahawley09 I don’t think we covered this in our training either. If we did, it wasn’t defined as “fawning” so this definition really made sense to me. I’m so glad it was helpful!

[@debbiefitts8528]

Super video!!! I have a fawner here and it is hard to know how to respond. So I appreciate you sharing practically how you respond. Thank you!

[@debbiefitts8528]

And yes, therapy is so helpful. I do feel like, for this particular child, that the hyper vigilance has improved a bit it is BAM right back in any new routine, activity and or changes of “adults in charge”.

[@jencas8597]

Great information!

[@oliviayancich7151]

Thank you so much for this video! I have a new foster daughter that is 4 years old and she is definitely exhibiting these trauma symptoms. I have her scheduled to start therapy next week so hopefully that will help her and help me be able to help her the best I can!

[@debbailey2956]

What therapy did you get for your child and did you self refer

[@oliviayancich7151]

@ her CPS worker referred us but I believe we were able to just self refer. She has been in play Therapy but we will be starting talk therapy within the next month or so now that she is comfortable with the therapist.

[@LeslieKay-ki8mu]

My husband's & I are looking to adopt an older child or teen & I appreciate your videos very much. I would like to be on the waiting list for your group. Thanks.

[@adoptinformed]

@@LeslieKay-ki8mu you can sign up for the official wait list here! adoptinformed.kit.com/waitlist

[@LeslieKay-ki8mu]

@@adoptinformed thanks!