The "Friend Zone" Doesn't Exist: Part...71?

[@PrinAnie]

Years ago I mentioned 'friend zone' in passing, and my mom thought it sounded nice. Like the part of your life, the zone if you will, that your good friends occupy. She was not impressed by the real concept.

[@Hollyberrystreats]

The metaphorical place where friends are kept and cherished? That is lovely❤

[@ThePsychicClarinetist]

Your mom sounds pure. Not saying she is naive to the ways of life, but saying she has a good outlook. 😊 I wish more people would see the "friend zone" as the compliment it's always been...

[@AlyssaIrvine]

​@@Hollyberrystreats This is so cute ❤

[@NotAFanOfHandles]

Tbf, I'm a millennial and the first time I saw the phrase "friend zone" that's pretty much exactly what I thought... then I read the description and, like your mom, was not impressed. Just said bruh and closed the tab.

[@joycepillow8143]

I like your mom's concept

[@kilian-one-l]

This here is why I have trouble taking anyone seriously who talks about the friend zone as if it's a real thing. Like, seriously, you aren't the victim here, you're deceiving them into thinking you're a friend, meanwhile you're relationship zoning them

[@goodgollymissmolly7624]

i hate it when i meet someone, we hit it off, and i think to myself “hell yeah, i’ve got a new friend!” and then it turns out they’ve put me in the girlfriend zone 🙄😭

[@unicorn73212]

Yeah they kind of get in my way it's there goal to make single women feel lonely like they don't deserve a friend unless your willing to date them or open your legs. It's pure manipulation.

[@BladeRedwind]

Fuck zoning. Lets call it what it is.

[@ObiMomKenobi13]

Excellent way to say it.

[@kilian-one-l]

@@BladeRedwind You're not wrong

[@leavemealone802]

This dynamic only exists because you don't see the other side as an individual, only as an idea of a relationship. You don't love the person, you love the idea of a relationship

[@b.w.6535]

In my experience, most of them don't want a relationship. They want to use your body to masturbate. I've had so many guys pretend to be my friend and suddenly, out of nowhere, I get the "So when are we going to sleep together?". They had ulterior motives, and then made it my problem. If you're "dating" a woman, but she doesn't know it, then you don't get to be mad at her. Be mad at yourself for making a promise on behalf of someone without their input.

[@TheKrispyfort]

They love the idea of being seen by other people as romantically acceptable and not socially rejected.

[@amberinthemist7912]

​@@anjafrohlich1170desiring someone emotionally without considering their autonomy or what's best for them sounds a lot like being a user.

[@jeftecoutinho]

What an insane assumption

[@fartmagus]

this! exactly!!!

[@jaketaylor2775]

"But I deserve a chance!" No you don't dude. You were given an answer, the right thing to do is accept it and move on

[@goggles8691]

tbf they do deserve a chance, it's just that they already had their chance and were rejected and don't want to accept it

[@teslagasoline5629]

​@@goggles8691ah well.. i dont they they "deserve" a chance, moreso they can earn the right to a chance via some sort of connection. Or maybe you mean everyone deserves a chance at love and i just missed your point lol (btw love gurren lagann its my favorite anime)

[@goggles8691]

@@teslagasoline5629 my point was that guys who ask out a girl and get rejected then say they "deserve a chance" and keep pushing do indeed "deserve a chance," however their chance was being given the time of day at all. Them getting shut down was their chance, and they totally deserved that chance, but they don't deserve a chance after that because they already had their chance and were already rejected.

[@joshuajohnson5337]

If you have never been loved or had sex before, then I want you to tell me something. How would you like it if someone told you, that you do not deserve a chance of being loved?

[@annmarieknapp]

And to add to that, would these fellows do the same for a woman who they aren't interested in? That hasn't been my experience.

[@KingdomOfDaylightsDauphin]

What I hate is hearing guys say “She put me in the friend zone.” Like it's -my- fault.

[@mischarowe]

"You put me in the girlfriend zone" is a plausible retort.

[@haruk2312]

No no, "he put me in the fuck zone". that's the accurate version.

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

A LOT of people aren't capable of having normal friendships but somehow think a romantic Partner is the only social Interaktion they need.

[@KxNOxUTA]

Same people also tend to dump all their emotional management and regulation onto their romantic partner (candidate), thus they're growing this resentful when boundaries are met. They genuinely don't learn how emotion support systems work. Their peers often suck at that. They struggle to grasp the concept of being socially mindful of other and theie needs and support networks being there to share bits of challenges over many ppl and also attending to bits of the challenges of all these ppl. So that the single "bits" that need tending to, are more manageable. Cause it's easier when it's not your own and just a chunk of the whole process. They genuinely have a poor tools set to manage emotions, too. And criminally underestimate the impact of emotions onto them and others. Or how leaving them fester in the unconscious is a serious safety hazard and literally costs society a number with maaaaany maaaany zeros, too. 😮‍💨

[@FusionFullForce]

​@@KxNOxUTAHonestly I feel so weird about telling my feelinsg to my friends. Cause it takes a lot for me to feel comfortable with someone. I know its not healthy, and therapy is a massive help to it. I dunno, with my girlfriend its easier because ive spent enough time with her to trust her completely. My friends, even though ive known them longer, just arent there yet. I have their trust and they have mine but still. It feels so weird. Like risky. Cause its one thing to tell them issues that im the good guy in. Bad guy though. I dunno.

[@cappared]

It's also about the (usually) men who see any friendly behavior as a prelude to romance. Which is bonkers. They feel like they're stuck in step 1 of the "real" relationship. And that's also bad! Friendship is an end goal! If it's not the one you want, walk away! Sticking around pretending to be happy as a friend when you're waiting for the chance to push for more when you've already been told you're not getting it is creepy and deceitful!

[@Dragonmoon1598]

Here's what I don't get . . . You develop feelings. You express this (respectfully). They either say yes or no. If it's a no, you take a break, diminish the "romantic" feelings, and stay friends. Or if for some reason you can't. You end the friendship and move on. Life isn't a romance novel/movie. They will not one day have a change of heart, magically relize you're the one, or see you in a different light. So, stop wasting time pursuing something you will never have.

[@grmpEqweer]

Well said.

[@yougotOWENd]

One thing which counters your argument. The "you express this" part is generally missing when talking about this friendzone. A very common thing is that a lot of men that are stuck in this zone, have just never told the other about their feelings. Surely doesn't talk things to be right or whatever, but in a lot of cases its completely different than what you have described.

[@maggie2773]

​@@yougotOWENd You're absolutely right, but to me that's part of the problem. If they lack the courage to confess, they shouldn't blame the other person for not being a mind reader. And if they're not confessing because they KNOW they will get rejected, and can't face it yet... Again not something to blame the woman for 🫤

[@yougotOWENd]

@@maggie2773 Of course the women cannot be blamed! Just to make sure, I did say "doesn't talk things right" with a reason 😁I just wanted to give a different perspective on the thing, since you mentioned "what I do not get is...", and perhaps what I explained gave you some insight. Only in very few cases women lead men on with mallice, but that fraction is not why men get this "friendzone" thing going on at all.

[@yougotOWENd]

@@callmekells. I think like a lot of these men just have trouble figuring themselves out and how they come across. They have like this perception of "women like when I give flowers and I have seen these movies where you fall in love over cutesy things I do too" so they try it. I think its mostly younger boys that do this too, or just those that have very little life experience. Blaming women is then their coping mechanism when stuff doesn't work out, because "she should have known!". To be fair to these men, I see plenty of girls also being stuck in that same mindset, but often out it in a very different way. Again nothing here is meant to talk anything straight on what they do. I just try to provide different viewpoints from what I know. For those that care to understand what might be going on.

[@bcblossom]

The problem is they really don't see how absurd it sounds....

[@MrThatGuyYouForgot]

It's no accident that the vast majority of people that complain about being "friendzoned" are straight men. That kind of attitude isn't very likely without misogyny. Yes, the reason people complain about being "friendzoned" is usually because they are misogynistic men who do feel like they are entitled to women's autonomy and bodies, simply because they want it.

[@iarmycombo5659]

There are at least 10 different ways it sounds depending on how you say it. Of course if he is going to pick one of the most absurd ones and youre unaware of the other ways it can sound, this is your reaction. They are complaining about the state of undefined. That is the problem (and there is no bad guy unless somehow one of the parties is intentionally making it happen, which none are in pretty much every case btw). Unless both parties are math nerds, nobody is excited to define anything nor do they see it as necessary, and its weird to define it because every1 needs an undefined amount of time be4 defining anything, so it just does not happen and its weird to force it happening by right out asking especially if they have not had that undefined amount of time to think. Obviously if you get asked a question you think requires thought but have not thought about it yet you are required to say yes or no, you will say no. It creates a problem. There is no bad guy unlike he said, and nobody even said there was a bad guy or anything like it be4 he said there was, and now if youre quick you might start realizing how this guy MADE this problem sound this absurd. Its not an absurd problem. Unlike a lot of people, i dont think this really has a good solution that is even really possible other than to not rely on the thought that "getting to know enough people slowly will eventually get you a girlfriend". Obviously it can work but its not guaranteed and youre gonna get mad if you assume it should work but in your case it doesnt.

[@iarmycombo5659]

And if youre telling my solution only solves a problem that doesnt exist (as it wouldnt exist if the statement from his other video "if you cant find the one for you from 330 million people then maybe youre the problem" was true at face value), then consider this. Ive always been told never talk politics with your significant other. You could describe it so that its a red flag for me if you cant talk politics with your significant other (and i think there are a decent amount of people who also have the same red flag). But lets say you vote rebublican and you dont like guns (you just like their other economy management more or whatever and to you its more important than gun rights). That basically means you cant talk about politics with rebublicans who like guns and you cant talk about politics with democrats. So lets say thus 75% of the population i cant talk to about politics (50% democrats and 50% of rebublicans like guns). And thus i also wont date those people. So now there are 250 million people that just would not talk to me or i would just not talk to. And in a lifetime i get to know 10 000 people. Its always possible that all of those 10 000 people are part of the 250 million. And there are many small things that most people consider as standard red flags that can increase that to 300 million, 320 million, 328 million, real quick (my weight, my height, my wealth, their weight, doesnt want kids, geographically nearish, some understanding in my favorite science, etc etc). In actuality at least MY date range is so small i cannot expect i can ever talk to enough people so that any of them is the one that could be the one for me. Its dating app miracle or nothing. Unless i give up on my beliefs and just mold myself to be the one my partner would want but apparently according to social media youre only supposed to compromise but not give up on the dozen of your most important beliefs or youre not being true to yourself even if my most important belief is i have give up on the rest of my beliefs so yeah, dating app miracle or nothing it is.

[@rwedereyet]

The "friend zone" is your pretend zone. Stop pretending, take the no, move along. Nothing to see here

[@voodoomagic90]

Well said! 🎉👏👏👏

[@whysocurious7366]

Exactly

[@elmarko9051]

Good way to put it.

[@madmintentertainment6268]

I agree, If a woman is just using you for money and dates and keeping you at arms reach with "im not ready for a relationship yet. you should just ghost her

[@rwedereyet]

@madmintentertainment6268 Yes.

[@soulrhallin5871]

The 'Friend Zone' literally only exists in the mind of someone who is pretending to be another person's friend for the express purpose of having sex with that person's body. They don't actually care about the person in question, or they would just be a friend. Which is not to say that friends can't eventually become more, but if that's the only reason someone is acting like a friend to another person, they're manipulative and deserve not to have the opportunity of the person who is acting in good faith as their friend in return.

[@madmintentertainment6268]

Because of our societies expectations and how we raise men. A lot of them are not very emotionally intelligent and it takes them a while to get a grasp on their emotions. Predatory women take advantage of this. They flirt with them, make them feel seen and give the idea that they are developing a relationship " I'm just not ready right now" etc. They do this while extracting money and labour. And then distance themselves when it gets too close. Then if the guy starts to go off elsewhere they hit them up again. And just like those women a use the fact that men are emotionally neglected to abuse them. So too do women online and people like speech prof use the fact that men can't articulate their pain to blame them for it "you just want sex and feel entitled to her body" And no. Using people for attention is not a friendship.

[@radicalreactions1633]

Exactly! All this!

[@tipodue]

I remember as a teenager going through a couple of years of a series of unrequited crushes, and the intense emotional pain of knowing that whatever that person was looking for, it wasn't me. But eventually I figured out that my problem wasn't my looks, my humor, my lack of muscles, my lack of money or even that incel notion that "girls like assholes who treat them bad". My problem was that I was too emotionally pushy, and I'd freak the subject of my desires out rather than make them feel wanted and special as I had intended. Fortunately for me, I figured out that the problem was mine and not theirs, so I found the road to getting better. Still, there's nothing inherently wrong from suffering from unrequited love - it's a rite of passage for most of us - just don't turn the subject of your affections into the object of your affections.

[@krankarvolund7771]

Yeah, I had two unrequited crushes in my life. One as a teenager, on a classmate that I knew, but was not part of my friend group, I kept it for years, before finally confessing to of course a total failure. The second, when I was in college, on a friend I met on first year, I confessed after a few months, she's still my best friend after ten years, even though she also said no ^^ In my experience, unrequited crushes are hurtful, when you let them fester, and you focus solely on the love relationship, rahter than all the other kinds of relationships you can ahve with persons ^^'

[@zoeolsson5683]

Love your comment especially the subject of your affection vs object of your affection.

[@rachelleanonymous2740]

"(If) You believe denying access to their body is denying you access to something you deserve simply because you want it." Ding ding ding!!! Hit the misogyny nail on the head! Also the root philosophy of patriarchy and purity culture.

[@deborahdanhauer8525]

A man once told me that men cannot have female friends long term. Sooner or later he will want sex from her. If he says anything else, he is lying. I didn’t believe him. I thought surely that can’t be true. But I’m still looking for a man who actually wants to be a friend who isn’t gay. I thought I had one. Then 10 years into our friendship, he grabbed me one day. He ruined our friendship that day because I never trusted him again enough to be alone with him.😞🐝

[@-Yohanna-]

Oh, so sorry to hear 😢

[@Rikrobat]

I promise you there are men out there who only want to be friends, even if they are hard to find. I'm so sorry you were betrayed by someone you trusted.

[@Fran-qf8vt]

My experience through school and college (university? what's the correct use of this word?) was that all my close male friends in some point had romantic feelings for me, with some of them the friendship end in that moment, others are still my friends. I have female friends and i don't have feelings for them other than friendship. But, i am a trans man so i am the "gay" friend. I don't know if it's only a male-female thing or more like a cis-het men thing, i am really curious about this

[@DrWho160]

I have guy friends who are straight that are just friends with me because they want to be friends with me. It certainly is possible, and I’m sorry you have yet to find that. I hope nothing but the best for you.

[@goodgollymissmolly7624]

i have a cishet male friend who’s one of my best friends, and he’s never made a move or expressed any interest deeper than friendship. on the other hand, this man’s mother and my mother have been best friends since they were in high school, so he and i have been spending time together since birth. that combined with the fact that my younger brother joined our play dates when he was born led us to develop a sibling bond more than anything

[@diamondstud322]

Yes! This! I don’t understand why some people just don’t get it. If you’re choosing to stay in a friend relationship that you’re not satisfied with, it’s a you problem.

[@KxNOxUTA]

Worse, it's a "you're abusive" problem. They're betraying a friendship. That's them actively hurting the other person for no other reason but them being abysmal at sorting out themselves and taking accountability for their feelings and behaviour, at the expense of another person. And they're doing so while often leaving behing long-term abuse damage to women, too. Just to then complain that women are supposedly so hard to please, hard to support till they feel safe, hard to reassure, hard to care for and overall oh so hard to deal with, when they themselves and misogynistic peers of theirs are a major root cause to that problem.

[@thebeshortedcellist8182]

The problem with friend zone concept is that it traps you into viewing a relationship as the goal, not the process. You view yourself as a failure for not winning them over. So start to analyse normal interactions as either increasing or decreasing your odds; and the most toxic element is trying to find the most opportune moment to express your feelings, often trying to manipulate circumstances to be the "right time". And so often people complain about being friend zoned because they weren't upfront about their attraction in the first place.

[@WaxMeber]

It doesn't do any of these things? It's literally just a world that describes a thing which happens. It doesn't have any positive or negative connotations.

[@LittleMissLanna]

People stuck in the friend zone cannot accept the lack of interest and/or rejection of the other person. If they're "imprisoned" in the friend zone, they are the ones that locked themselves in there!

[@KxNOxUTA]

Most importantly (in addition to what LittleMissLana said): They cannot accept that they are damn accountable for their own choices and fully responsible for their own emotional management and regulation. It's not someone else's job to cater to your feelings, boys. Its your job to process your feelings and make logical decisions based off your current ability OR inability to fully commit to the relationship you were offered (=friendship) and NOT to what you wished you were offered (=sexual/romantic relationship). Just what degree of "inept" are these boys suffering that they can't figure out such basic behavioural "math"?! And just how severely are their male peers failing them by not helping them to sort that stuff out?! Hence, glad that this place exists where exactly that is done!

[@radicalreactions1633]

They're "locking themselves" in a FAKE ROOM, it doesn't exist.

[@zalphinian]

I, as a female, have been on both sides of this dynamic. When shot down by my male friend, it hurt a tiny bit, but I moved on with my life and I accepted all he'd be is my friend. Because I thought of him as a friend as well as someone I found attractive, I still found the friendship valuble. I didn't stay his friend hoping that "One day he'd wake up and see what was in front of him the whole time." Eventually we moved on in life and drifted apart, having never been anything more than friends. I don't understand why some men are so insecure about themselves that this whole scenerio is beyond their ability to comprehend. I mean, I hold no ill will against male friends who held no romantic interest in me despite my interest in them. Yet I bet those same angry men will find ways to justify why that exact same situation is totally different if it happens to them with the object of their desire. Even though every woman and all the men I respect know there's no difference at all

[@AnnekeOosterink]

Yeah, I've had a crush on someone who rejected me, which ended the friendship (though we were pretty new friends and not actually super close) and I also liked someone else who I didn't think would like me back, so I never said anything and was just friends with him. In both situations I was not super happy about it, being rejected (or expecting rejection) is not fun, but also not on either of those guys to fix. I worked on getting over it to continue the friendship with the second guy. I guess technically that was the friendzone. Except I did not just pretend to be his friend, I was his friend. I did not expect him to magically know I liked him and then like me back or something. I just carried on as before and got over those feeling eventually. The friendzone guys like to pretend women don't experience liking someone and being rejected. They think their experience is unique and women are to blame for it, when it's just a human experience, and they themselves are to blame for not (trying) getting over their feelings or getting out if they can't.

[@berrymckockiner5883]

You mentioned it right here "I valued the friendship" Most wmn aren't good friends to men. What men look for in friendship, a majority of wmn aren't willing to provide. This is why most men drift away.

[@AnnekeOosterink]

@@berrymckockiner5883 just say you hate women, at least that way you're honest.

[@lilacghoste8366]

Because u are woman Woman don't make moves man do. Man put up all the work. It's all " like u as a friend " until someone rich and beautiful comes up to that person and it is no longer a friendship but more then being a friend

[@AnnekeOosterink]

@@lilacghoste8366 uh no, women come on to men all the time. You just don't understand when that happens or no one has ever flirted with you.

[@beeziebubs2756]

Just be upfront. If you want a romantic relationship with someone, just be upfront about it from the very beginning. It’s not that hard. And if you are and she says she’s not interested, then leave. It is so deceitful to enter a friendship with someone while you have ulterior motives, and it’s deceitful to claim they’re stringing you along when they already made it clear they’re not interested in you like that. Just leave.

[@leeshajoi]

That's the point. They don't want to give the other person a chance to say "no."

[@aoifecorbett-yx9jx]

Being "fuck" zoned is just as bad as being "friend" zoned

[@wiglicious.]

@@aoifecorbett-yx9jxbeing friend zoned really isn’t that bad not just because it doesn’t exist but also because you’re implying that the person who “friend zoned” the other person is a malicious person who’s done wrong when they’ve done nothing of the sorts🤷🏾‍♀️

[@aoifecorbett-yx9jx]

You're right. I meant that it may hurt for some but it's best to just move on

[@madmintentertainment6268]

Please don't bad faith this with semantics. They do it under the pretense of " friend" Because of our societies expectations and how we raise men. A lot of them are not very emotionally intelligent and it takes them a while to get a grasp on their emotions. Predatory women take advantage of this. They flirt with them, make them feel seen and give the idea that they are developing a relationship " I'm just not ready right now" etc. They do this while extracting money and labour. And then distance themselves when it gets too close. Then if the guy starts to go off elsewhere they hit them up again. And just like those women a use the fact that men are emotionally neglected to abuse them. So too do women online and people like speech prof use the fact that men can't articulate their pain to blame them for it "you just want sex and feel entitled to her body" And no. Using people for attention is not a friendship.

[@Ceares]

For the longest time I legit thought I was the only one who found the idea of the friend zone ridiculous and insulting. Like real friendship is a goddamned gift, appreciate it. I was relieved to see that other people find the idea stupid as well.

[@zoeolsson5683]

Growing up 20 years ago I thought the 'friend zone' was an expression of how a guy would love to be romantic with someone who said just friends please. It was more like a descriptive phrase of the event ... Which carried a "bad luck, mate, more fish in the sea" vibe. The disappointment of unrequited feelings is valid. Yet it's irrational to expect another person to return your feelings.

[@br3669]

The disappointment is so human and normal and understandable! It's when they turn the disappointment into contempt (women are so stupid and don't even know what they want!) or a sense of victimisation, that my compassion ends pretty quickly.

[@Gr8tBlueHeron]

See and every time I've heard someone use the term 'friend zone' it is to imply that a woman is maliciously rejecting them romantically but using them as an emotional bandaid until she finds a man she actually wants to have sex with. So he gets all the negatives of a relationship (talking, hanging out, pretending to be interested in common things) and none of the perks (sex. It's just sex). This is usually closely followed by the suggestion that he is maybe in her 'back pocket' so if she exhausts all other possible options on fuckable men and gives up then she'll pull you out of her back pocket and maaaaybe you'll get to finally date. And for all that they find that offensive, they're still sticking around - albeit resentfully - on that off chance that just in case they can finally get what's owed.

[@AnnekeOosterink]

I'd go so far as to say it's manipulative. They are pretending to be friends in order to get sex. They aren't actually friends, they don't want to be friends, they just pretend to be friends until they can get sex. I've not yet seen anyone who believed in the concept of the friendzone talk about it as if they understand what a romantic relationship actually is. They don't seem to understand that friendships are valuable either. They just want sex with someone and if they have to lie to get it, they will. It is a small part of a bigger issue, these men don't see women as human beings. The way they treat women shows they think of women as trophies to be won, prizes they deserve, or if she rejects him, evil b!tches who have misled them for nefarious purposes, not a human being with her own thoughts, feelings, wishes, and dreams who was never aware of the expectations that were placed on them.

[@berrymckockiner5883]

​@@br3669mine also ends when I hear "it's hard to find maIe friendship" Wmn aren't owed maIe friendship

[@PatGilliland]

The problem I have is with the idea that the friendzone is a terrible place to be. Sure you have feelings that are not returned, don't be a dick about it, respect the other person and focus on what you do have rather than obsessing over what you can't. If that's too hard, then break completely.

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

I feel like a lot of the time, men can enjoy a flirty friendship just as much as women can. But they pull out the 'how dare you friendzone me!' whenever they want to be able to guilt trip women, because let's be honest, women are very susceptible to being guilt tripped.

[@sipi2009]

This! People ignore this all the time, and I've had a few like this that didn't turn into romantic feelings or anything.

[@haruk2312]

I wish women would be less sympathetic. Less to fall into men's lies.

[@berrymckockiner5883]

What?!?! Now wmn are helpless victims 🤨

[@lynxlubbpeeps]

​@@berrymckockiner5883 Honestly I agree though. I don't thonk women are 'helpless victims'. But I do feel like society has basically raised us to be more susceptible to guilt tripping. Like we have to apologize for existing. It's behaviour that has to be very purposefully unlearned for a lot of women I know. Apologizing for having feelings, for talking too much, for needing someone's time, etc. Recognition is the first step to unlearning dis BS.

[@etainvelorum5814]

It's a dynamic where one person is lying about their motives even after straightforward rejection. It's scary, but true.

[@thefirm4606]

The friendzone is a mythical place where she hasn’t said no….

[@mischarowe]

....and often has said no.

[@KxNOxUTA]

....or they get themselves lost after she has said "no" (or simply even "yes" to someone else) after betraying her and the friendship. Possibly even leaving in a huge rude fit with devastation to while friend cycles.

[@radicalreactions1633]

you mean directly? She also likely doesn't show any romantic interest either, so that should sort of be a clue.

[@fartmagus]

​@radicalreactions1633 hmm yeah, that's true.

[@swvolleyball9137]

I agree this whole friendzone nonsense stems from a mindset of entitlement founded in disassociating a person from their humanity. I’ve experienced it and it’s wild to think that another human thinks they have “next rights” to another human… just because they want them. When I broke up with my abusive jerk boyfriend and started dating my now-husband, several guys came out of the woodworks to protest, because they’d already “discussed” who’d get to “hit it next”. It was disgusting 30 years ago and it’s even more so now. The idea that cosplaying as a friend, being an emotional support, or even buy you a coffee, you should agree to giving them girlfriend benefits as soon as you “get back on the market” is 🤮🤮🤮. The idea of there even being a “market” where single women mull around waiting to be “poked” is gross. A market is a place where “things” are sold. They see you as a thing to acquire and a resource to be used. Nobody “deserves” a chance with someone. You’re allowed to TAKE your chance and the other person is allowed to decline. Friendzone implies you were wronged because you are entitled to acquiescence simply because you desire it. How do they not see how gross that sounds?

[@WaxMeber]

"Friendzone implies you were wronged " where does it do this? Prove it to me right now, or admit you are a lying freak. It's a portmanteau of two words: "friend" and "zone". Explain to me where, in the definitions of those two words, it 'implies' what you are claiming. Furthermore, humans are things, and everything is a market. Read Marx.

[@strawberryfox8819]

And if someone is stringing you along, that is also not the friendzone. That is called breadcrumbing and manipulation and you CAN and SHOULD leave because that's not a friend.

[@krankarvolund7771]

The "friendzone" is not a dynamic, it's a particularity of a relationship. I have friends, and the best of them is the friend I had a crush on. Well, she refused my feelings, we stayed friends, and she's still in my life ten years after, that's more tahn all the boyfriends she had in her life. And frankly, I prefer to have her as a friend, than become her ex ^^ And after a few years, the feelings passed away for me too, so it's just a solid and true friendship, and one of the best things that happened to me. If that's the friendzone, then I'm glad I got into it. But of course, I always respected her as a person, and another human being, so that might be why I could transform a one-sided crush into a friendhsip, because the friend was there before the crush, and I didn't thought she owed me anything ^^

[@clara_corvus]

"you want something that they aren't willing to give you" Not just unwilling. They CANNOT give you love if they don't feel it (they could fake it, but that's shitty for everyone involved). Some men don't seem to get this for some reason. They think if a woman doesn't return their advances, she must be choosing to deny them.

[@guineawuv]

Exactly. If you feel like you can't just be friends, don't pretend that you can in hopes that they change their mind. It's so hurtful to find out that a person you thought was a friend only sees you as a potential girlfriend. Don't string people along if you're not willing to just be friends. Thank you for making this video.

[@dawntreader1247]

there’s a difference between unrequited love and staying in the friend zone… i think it’s having the entitlement to think that if your feelings are romantic, it’s inevitable for the other person to reciprocate eventually. so you just wait around pretending to be a friend when really you don’t value their friendship independent from any potential romance.

[@TragicallyDelicious]

THERRE IS NO FRIEND ZONE

[@-Yohanna-]

True. I was friend for years with a guy I liked so much. I understood soon enough he didn't like me in the same way. But before that, we spent time together and I valued enough the individual he is. So I decided to stay friend with him, without speaking about it again. It was frustrating, yes. Even hurtful sometimes because I couldn't control my feelings. Especially when he introduced me to his girlfriend (at least 3 times in years). My opinion about them was important to him. I never lied to him about it, in sort of manipulation. I always wanted to see him happy. And I accepted the fact that it was without me. That's it. It happens. Nobody is guilty in this story. And I finally moved out. End of story.

[@grmpEqweer]

​​@@-Yohanna-We must accept people on their own terms.

[@-Yohanna-]

@@grmpEqweer Exactly. If we don't, it means we don't truly like the person.

[@Gr8tBlueHeron]

At its core, friend zone means you were rejected sexually, but accepted for your personality. I think that's what so many guys have trouble wrapping their heads around - why would you want to spend time with someone of the opposite sex you don't sleep with? How can you like a person but not want to have sex with them? Does not compute.

[@ilPrinni]

Its sad how common the strategy to just argue about something that completely misses the point is. Rather than addressing the point, that the friendzone dynamic is not unfair for the "Friend" and that it is actually unfair for the person the friend is pursuing. People argue "The friendzone does exist! see we can define the dynamic as-". A total red herring so that you argue for a point that isn't being made and that is easier to defend. Its really gross.

[@WaxMeber]

Its not a red herring to argue about the actual thing being asserted. The title of the video is literally that the "friendzone" does not exist. The very beginning of the video is the guy literally saying that "this dynamic exists". X refers to the dynamic, therefore X exists. There is no "point" to miss, you're just a stupid, malicious piece of sht that enjoys lying to people. There is no "other" point. Words mean the things they mean, and not whatever paranoid delusions schizoids make up in their heads.

[@paulasmith7803]

I have a friend that has kept pushing me (I'm married btw) since we were very young. I honestly think of those boys like brothers. He recently got divorced and wanted us to go out. We are both in our late 50's. Please, dude, give it a rest.

[@maewest68]

so horrible for you, to be wanted and pursued. If men had that dynamic once in their lives, friendzone would never be mentioned again.

[@aellalee4767]

There have been guys I want a relationship of some kind with and can't handle a friendship with. We are acquainted. So I stop talking to them and we both go on with our lives. Usually I want friendship at minimum with people I find attractive (doesn't necessarily refer to physical features), but minimum is 100% great either way because I get an awesome person in my life. It doesn't have to be difficult to take yourself out of the friendzone you put yourself in.

[@grmpEqweer]

I lust after people (to the point of annoying myself). But I also need friends. If someone I long for offers me friendship? *That is still a big win.* And I don't want to torpedo a friendship over my raging... Even if it means I need to stuff my lustiness in the freezer for a while. I KNOW I'll get over it. Looked at another way? Lust is my own misfiring need for attachment (Noting: Child SA history. You don't want to know.). I'm aware of it, I need to handle it.

[@corvusaltair6709]

9 times out of 10 that I see, the issue also comes straight down to the individual desiring romance.. never telling their [supposed] friend that they’re romantically interested in them. People can’t agree to what they don’t know about, y’all! Your “blatant hints” mean nothing! No one is a mind reader!! I literally never would have gotten with my boyfriend of six years if he hadn’t directly asked me “you know I’m flirting with you, right?” because I GENUINELY perceived all of his kind gestures as simple acts of friendship. I can guarantee most people “friend zoning” you aren’t gonna have a single goddamn clue what your motives are until you either nut up and tell them, or completely explode from the pressure you put on yourself.

[@summersun6536]

The friend zone goes even beyond that. It's usually not men who complain about the friend zone who did confess their romantic feelings and realize they are not mutual. Some of these men may stay in a friendship, still hoping for more, but they usually don't complain about being "friend zoned" since they in fact, care about this particular woman and do not want to lose her as a good friend. The men who usually complain about the "friend zone" are the ones who have no interest in a woman as a human being in the first place. It's the "nice guys". They usually see women not as human beings with boundaries they respect. They see women as sexual objects who _set_ boundaries ("I don't see more than a friend in you") but they expect these women _to give up those boundaries_ if the guy puts _enough effort_ into "being nice" _in return for getting sex_ someday. They usually do not have real romantic feelings for those women. They are mad because their manipulation game has not worked on her so far.

[@Amanita._.Verosa._.]

The friend zone is for peopIe complaining they have to accept the word no.

[@misspriss2482]

1st, the friend zone only exists if you allow it. If you like someone, be honest. If they turn you down, keep being friends if you can. If you need time and distance to get over them, take it. 2nd, if you suspect that someone is leading you on for some type of advantage, stop letting them. The old "we do everything couples do but we're just friends" routine is not going to transition into a real relationship. Dump them and find someone who wants to date you.

[@berrymckockiner5883]

Men don't owe you friendship

[@tabithadefee5390]

I will say there is one instance I know of where being stuck in the "friend zone" is a valid complaint. And it only really occurs when they're actively being strung along by the girl so she can have a back up option. Usually, in this type of situation, she'll show interest or feign interest to get him back in line.

[@strawberrysangria1474]

Also, it’s not a relationship. A relationship is two people similarly connected through attraction or like-minded goals. Only one person is connected in the friend zone and the other is too afraid or considerate to drop them. Similarly to stalking, only the stalker benefits. The victim gains nothing but a problem.

[@AnnekeOosterink]

Or the victim is completely unaware of the attraction in the first place (or the "friend" has told them they accept friendship) and believes it is a genuine friendship. The victim doesn't know they have a deceitful stalker pretending to be their friend, doesn't know they are being lied to.

[@bittehiereinfugen7723]

I think this whole "friend zone" thing is close to the obsession of a stalker or the limerence of a cheater, maybe some sort of mix. In any case, it does not come from a place of mental health and is often a real burden for the entire personal environment.

[@WaxMeber]

You sound like a fascist sex panic.

[@otakuofmine]

as a woman, i cant tell how often I had to explain that there is no friend zone (in the sense that women dont "friendzone" men). It is simply the wrong expectation of some insecure (or vile) men that think they are owned S*x or a relationship based of what they did instead of asking us and vibing with being good friends. its not a transaction and who treats interaction with us this way, gets the boot, because they showed their true colours or very least need to face that it was only in his imagination. I think, even referring to term with the told dynamic just pitches the fire. I wish, the term/concept would end and men learn/get tought this. sorry for the rant. what you said, too.

[@berrymckockiner5883]

My OCD needs to categorise Everything, so what do we call it. Like I meet a demi and she said she was open to dating me but she needed to be friends with me for 3 months, before deciding. She couldn't promise me a relationship at the end tho. So I said not worth my time and I won't let you friendzone me and break my heart, I'm not going to invest into you. So what do we call this phenomenon if friendzone is so triggering for you Edit: wmn are not owed anything from us, especially our effort or energy. triggered 👇👇👇

[@otakuofmine]

​@@berrymckockiner5883 i am simply annoyed, for good reason as we have a prime example here. sounds more like you are triggered. still not "friendzoning" when she was upfront and clear with you. just how demi work, you cant force it. all up to your wrong expectation if you will think it garantuess ur anything out of it. if you cant work it out as a friend, you probably no relationship material anyways. and: we are not an "investment", we are people.

[@berrymckockiner5883]

@@otakuofmine lmao you are not entitled to maIe friendship, stop being NARClSSlSTlC and stop DEHUMANlZlNG men. Second of all you didn't answer my question, what is the phenomenon called? it needs a name.

[@WaxMeber]

@@otakuofmine You're just a malicious freak who enjoys lying to people, or a schizoid with paranoid persecutory delusions, either way, the "friendzone" is a word which refers to a thing that even the creator of this video said exists as described in the comment. Therefore, according to the video creator, despite the title for some reason, it exists.

[@KattReen]

A lot of men on the internet are unable to have a constructive argument for some reason. The saddest part is that they're not even doing this stuff consciously a lot of the time. This guy thinks he's being super smart by arguing with the semantics of what you're saying rather than the spirit of it. Valentino Molinar, my sweet boy. What you need to understand is that it doesn't MATTER wether or not the friendship exists. The guy pretending to be her friend to try to game a relationship is shitty regardless. The friendzone is only considered fake by a lot of people, because the guy in it is. In the future, I'd advice you to listen to understand rather than listening to respond. It will do you so much good in your personal relationships.

[@lisastenzel5713]

Thank you For every single word you just said here. Thank you! I had guys blaming me for not "making things clear", when I didn't even know they wanted more. Calling me cruel, cos they happen to be there, when I met another guy which I had a slight interest in. I actually started to drop sentences like 'I am good on my own right now. I am too busy with myself to have energy for a relationship.' whenever I was meeting new people, so that this weird tension wouldn't evolve. Which was what was happened with this guy too. He was a 130kg or something and I was talking to him like he was a human being. I was not making fun of him for having that weight, I was not judging him. So apparently that is the same as asking for a date?! To him it seems to have been something like that. It was just one of many situations where I thought I had a very good bond to someone. A friend to count on. Instead I lost all contact. Sucks big time. Now anytime I feel happy around someone, I fear it's gonna end badly. I know it's a me problem. Still sucks. Want to get out of that

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

My idea of Friendzone is a Nice Guy who thinks I own him xes just for treating me with fake friendlyness. The guy that becomes a Stalker after I said no. He is reading this maybe, guy hacked my Smartphone, police doesn't help. I am 22 and I am done with men. I now actively avoid them.

[@ditalotl]

That motherf*** is a looser! He should just learn some self-respect and move on! It is tempting to justify some of our bad behavior when we feel hurt, BUT, a part of beeing a mature adult is taking responsibility over ones feelings and actions, and just MOVE THE F ON! By moving on, that person will actually give themselves the chance to find what they're looking for...a love/or whatever that is actually reciprocated :/

[@JackBarlowStudios]

The gates of hell are locked from the inside…

[@BladeRedwind]

No, I think we call it the fuck zone. Please don't put me in it.

[@bradleyc.5425]

Getting rejected hurts, and it's ok to feel sad about it, but that doesn't change the fact that no means no and that they don't owe you anything

[@JamAttack]

idk man some of us are just hormonal messes... but it's best to try and still be just friends. Just don't like the framing that that's always easy to work through those feelings. Good, necessary, but not easy. This just feels a little bit tone deaf to people who aren't as emotionally stable. I usually hard agree with your videos and I do agree with the message here. I just think it comes from a place of too much judgment for people who are having a hard time working through their feelings for someone. I don't think everyone who feels disappointed by someone just wanting to be friends is immediately a bad and sleazy person. It's about their actions of how they work through those feelings.

[@carnifaxx]

I feel like the concept of friendzone has the same basis as weaponized incompetence, e.g. the part that others are here to take responsibility, because you are as vulnerable as a turtle on its back... except for the fact you are not in that position and you are perfectly capable to manage your own life and choices. (In one TV show one person had ordered a pizza in and another one was envious and the conversation went like "oh, I also want a pizza" "you know what you should do?" "no, tell me!" "you should deal with it" :D It's a very similar concept... :D )

[@WaxMeber]

what are you talking about you schizoid? "Friendzone" is a portmanteau of two words. "Friend" and "zone", if you are still confused, look those two words up in the dictionary, and then stitch the two definitions together. ChatGPT can do it, why can't you?

[@Amy_Dunn]

The only reason the term "Friend Zone" even exists is because of the movie "Just Friends" which has aged sooo poorly. Not even like milk, since at least aged milk can become cheese, more like Like a banana you accidentally missed in the back of the pantry and you find it a month later.

[@denelian116]

I was put in the friendships once.(more than once, but this is a specific story) Yes, as a woman. And yes, it sux, But damn, I give my all to ALL my relationships. Dude and I were friends for YEARS (I even set him up a few times) Almost a decade later, he said he could maybe see us being more, now. It took a bit - I'd buried my romantic feelings for him very deep, so I could be a good friend He'd told me no, back then, and I respected that. Again, this was NOT the only time I'd been told that I guy I was interested in only saw me as a friend.. but it was the only time that that CHANGED, the exception that proved the rule, as it were.

[@kellydarling1]

I remember being interested in a guy and he didn’t like me. I accepted we would just be friends/acquaintances and eventually got over him. It sucked, but you can’t make someone have feelings for you. Years later we started hanging out more and this time we mutually developed feelings for one another and eventually got into a relationship. At one point he voiced that he knew I had a thing for him when we were teenagers and then implied he thought I carried a torch for him for all those years and cited I had been interested in other men who looked similar to him. I was flabbergasted. There were years that I didn’t give him a second thought.

[@cassandrabelyeu2419]

The thing about “friendzones” is that we women can lose attraction to a guy for any number of reasons, if we were ever attracted to him at all, even incompatible pheromones. But who else do men think is in our “friend zones”? Other women, who have different genetic makeup from us, and who might be extremely compatible. Introducing our attractive female friends to our trustworthy male friends reduces competition from them, over guys who might be compatible with us. Guys should cultivate friendships!! We could all meet each other’s biologically incompatible friends, and have meaningful relationships of different kinds! It’s good for everyone.

[@arianahoule7223]

The friend zone is a scenario where someone could justify rape. After all, she/he is asking for it, because they tempted you. Thank you, Prof, for offering sound advice.

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

A LOT of guys justify this crime with "she was sending signals". And she was screaming NO!

[@Cae_the_Kitsune]

If I was given the definition in the comment but not the term they were defining, Jeopardy style, my answer would be "what is unrequited love?" not "what is the friend zone?". The idea of the friend zone has so much more unnecessary baggage than that.

[@WaxMeber]

Okay, but why? The "friendzone" is literally just a word which refers to the first thing. I don't see any other characters other than 'f' 'r' 'i' 'e' 'n' 'd' 'z' 'o' 'n' and 'e' and those characters arranged in that way only have one meaning (its a word). Can you tell me where this other meaning is coming from? Like if you were going to put the word in like, a state machine, could it find this secret hidden meaning?

[@Cae_the_Kitsune]

@@WaxMeber Either you're trolling or you don't understand how language works. Look at how people use the term, not just how it's spelled.

[@satiashaw1857]

You are freaking brilliant! Yes, that friend zone is only a trap when your perspective is: you are unable to move forward into 'more' that only you want.

[@samanthagibson5791]

This type of thing is what I try and head-off at work by telling most people I work with I'm ace and what that means. It is not uncommon for me to work with only one other person. If the other person is a man, but they know I'm ace from the start, then friendship is the only option, if wanted

[@Cynergific]

You are a very wise and well-spoken man.

[@nadiarey4196]

And once more I emotionally heal with one of your videos. Much appreciated

[@Maerahn]

To normal, well-adjusted people, yes - that DOES sound absurd. But I guarantee you, there will be HUGE numbers of people who will iisten to that last statement you made, Chesko, and at the end of they'll blink and say "I don't see what's 'absurd' about that...!"

[@taefae2850]

I live with PTSD from past relationships that went horribly, horribly wrong. I acknowledge to myself, that I have to define how I relate to others very quickly as something other than romantic. In order to be able to function with them in my life. If people interpret my personal boundary as friend zoning... when it is for my own mental health, its on them.

[@TragicallyDelicious]

There is not. Also they never fail to not acknowledge t same thing they feel entitled to regarding women not into the,m, they put women 'in the friend zone' (doesnt exist) when she desnt mmeet his criteria

[@patmaurer8541]

It's tough. I like to take a real break (4-6 weeks, min) from seeing them, to process my disappointment and get back to center. Then, when I do happen to see them again, it's not a thing; because I gave myself time and space for a reset. 😊

[@sophieChaplain]

when someone starts talking to me abt the friend zone I put them in the stranger zone

[@mariag.8242]

The problem I have with this phrase is that some men use it to indicate they’re being unfairly punished or mistreated when a woman says no. However, men who are likely to feel this way often also don’t react well to being told no in clear, absolute terms. That leads women to say things like, “I don’t feel that way about you. Can we just be friends?” when they really want the creep to disappear. If they don’t know where you live, meet them in a public place, with some friends nearby, and just tell him (or her) that you don’t want to see them again.

[@xylianyx]

You're just the best! Thank you for being amazing! I really appreciate you and your videos, it gets really old, as a woman to explain this shit all the time! So grateful to have some men taking this up as well!

[@coolbreeze5683]

Anyone who lives in a world where "the friend zone" is something so horrible, needs to grow up 😂

[@berrymckockiner5883]

Lmao entitled fefails, you're not entitled to maIe friendship

[@onbearfeet]

This friendzone stuff makes me want to scream. I'm demisexual. The ONLY people I find attractive are my friends. No one else pings my radar, ever. And guess what! Most of my friends are not into me that way! Most of them don't even experience attraction to people of my gender! Imagine that your entire dating pool consists of people you know well enough to know they don't want to date you before you even ask. And you know that's probably going to be the case for the rest of your life. You'd go insane, right? And yet, somehow, I manage to still have friends. I maintain friendships--good ones--with people who refuse to date me. And it's not even that hard, because I've discovered the secret. The secret is this: *If you love someone, you want them to be happy, even if it means they're not dating you.* Am I disappointed when my friends don't reciprocate my feelings? Sure. But then I go out of my way to be kind and supportive toward them because that is ALSO a kind of love. If you're going to pitch a fit because someone "refuses to love you back", I don't think you really loved them in the first place.

[@photon4076]

I have thought for some time that an elegant solution would be for the person-only-interested-in-friendship to fix the person-interested-in-a relationship up with one of their friends: 1. clear signal of „I‘m not interested“ 2. relationship seeker gets a shot at a relationship 3. but is also permanently integrated into the friend cycle of the person-interested-in-friendship.

[@NosferatuWickedTTRPG]

Closest to a "friendzone" ever got was me being strung along with a "promise of something further" was when the girl in question was using me as a lightning rod to boost her own confidence. Now granted, I should've walked away but I was a dumb fuck teenager with unresolved trauma and I even hesistate to call what this was a "friendzone"

[@hldo00]

This is gonna be a never ending series

[@w87g8765]

When someone say they are in friendzone, they never treat the other person as friend, they only invest in the activity of being nice and friendly hoping to get laid.

[@ObiMomKenobi13]

I know someone that chose the friendzone so hard, that he is now 60 years old and is still alone, just so he can stay in that relationship.

[@mischarowe]

The "friend zone" is just the excuse people use when they couldn't convince someone to fall in love with them.

[@icantthinkofaname6397]

I understand if some people dont want to be friends with someone they like romantically, but like. Leave the friendship then. Why stick around with some false sense of hope while also villainising the other person? Literally if you dont want friendship with them, dont be friends. It's not a big deal

[@staind.raindrop]

Why do people get mad over something we have no control over? We don't decide who we love by making a conscious choice at any given time. If it's so easy to just choose whether or not we love someone, why don't you just choose to stop loving them and be their friend instead when they say no? You can't, and they can't just turn it on simply because you asked them to. It's completely irrational to blame someone as if they chose something they have no control over. Unrequited love can hurt, sure, but it isn't an injustice.

[@heartofdawnlight]

the "friend zone" is a wonderful place. who the fuck wouldnt want more wonderful friends that you can have fun with!!!? oh wait people who dont see their "friend" as a person

[@zacharybosley1935]

This sounds incorrect.

[@heartofdawnlight]

@@zacharybosley1935 which part...? the one where having friends is wonderful or people that say they wanna be friends only to complaign when sex isnt an option dont view us as human?

[@zacharybosley1935]

@@heartofdawnlight The second part.I feel like people who say they want to be friends, only to desire sex some time after the fact aren't always dehumanizing the person who was once their friend. Some lusts don't set in immediately.

[@heartofdawnlight]

​@@zacharybosley1935 theres a difference between developing a crush on a friend & getting to a point you consider yourself in "a friend zone"..... Endless amounts of people develope crushes on friends.... I know i have But i move TF on. i dont push lust onto them & make it their problem. My friendships dont falter when ive gotten crushes on them PPL who use "friendzone" rhetoric arent just friends who develope a crush.... they are people who let their lustful desire destroy their once friendship (assuming it was even a friendship in the first place).... the other group that use the rhetoric were mearly posing as friends in order to garner trust in hopes of geting in someones bedroom.... hense why they get so upset when their "friend" doesnt want to sleep with them.... their time investment was for naught & their plan failed

[@zacharybosley1935]

@@heartofdawnlight again, I disagree with the notion that everyone who uses friendzone rhetoric isn't just using it as shorthand for one-sided attraction that they know won't be reciprocated.

[@loregaming3634]

I totally agree with you I've heard some people define the friendzone as when one person wants a romantic relationship and the other person knows this and uses it to their advantage while refusing romance I think the davocate made a video talking about something like that

[@MB-qp5ge]

"The reason this dynamic continues is because you are choosing to stay in it" This. So much this. If it hurts you to have contact with a person you are attracted to but is not attracted to you, just... Don't hang out with them anymore??

[@Psychmajor345]

My mother had a friend whose daughter was friends with a guy for years and suddenly someone commented that the guy was attractive and she suddenly saw him as more than a friend. Now they are married with children. He never pushed her into a relationship until she was ready and genuinely enjoyed being her friend until she was like yeah I think I see him as more than a friend.

[@shaniblue5592]

Dudes who talk about the "Friendzone" see no real value in friendships. What's frustrating is the fact that people won't get to the reality that romantic relationships are friendships with sex options. I know people want to act like marriage is magical but it's just two people who like each other more than they like anybody else. You can't live in the same house with everybody. And lots of people learn that the hard way. It's not that these dudes have romantic commitment to the women they feel offended by, they've just linked excitement to arousal and the society teaches that women are to provide pleasure. It's all conditioning. Oh, and the not being wanted makes them want to be wanted more because they've been taught that it's part of their identity. To be a man is to have and dominate a woman. When women don't play along and submit it's seen as emasculating. All the while dudes are sending off cringy vibes that makes women not want to touch them.

[@Lunakitty1234]

I hate the “friendzone” . I’m asexual (I think) . I just want to be friends with someone, I’ve never cared about the sex of the person. I was always just like “hey you like anime? I also like anime! And you seem nice! Let’s be friends and watch anime together!” That’s all I want and it’s not my fault if someone I thought was my friend never actually wanted to be my friend. Not once have I ever said I wanted to have sex with anyone or be someone’s girlfriend, I’ve never lied, I’ve always just wanted to be friends. If a man can only see women as something to force his desires on, that’s his problem that he needs to work on.

[@bforman1300]

Well said. Thank you.

[@maem7462]

I’ve had feelings for friends that haven’t returned my feelings. I know that bc either they compare me to family or they ask out someone else. It does hurt sometimes but I’m also happy being their friend. Most the time of if I like someone enough to have romantic feelings they are a good person to where I’m happy being their friend

[@lizillusion2318]

So… are we still acknowledging that sometimes there’s no ulterior motive or desire to manipulate the individual? Like, why are you the bad guy just because you have those feelings? Isn’t the message to just be respectful and no longer pursue after the rejection? What’s wrong with innocently *hoping* for a change of heart, while you remain friends, are fine with being friends, you treat them well without expecting anything because you just like spending time with them??? Before you grab pitchforks, I am a woman playing devil’s advocate. I do not deny in the slightest that many straight men are awful at accepting friendship when they wanted more, but I think we’re forgetting that it can be hard to get over somebody sometimes. And you still care about them and want them in your life.

[@anthonyjohnson6199]

2 of my gf's started out as friends, my brother in law started as my sisters friend.

[@annapolack8207]

Thanks for this. I've had some good male friends and a surplus of men and teen boys who considered themselves "a dick in a glass case."

[@BanFamilyVlogging]

Haha hit the nail on the head. Thank you 💜

[@tallspicy]

Someone can use you... but again, still choosing it. But if someone says I can only be friends and you agree and underneath, you dont... you are not a person of integrity.

[@sommertothill]

The 'friend zone' assumes that the dynamic SHOULD have been something else by default, and that it would have been if that pesky woman hadn't exercised her right to determine who gets sexual access to her. Chilling when you think about it too hard.

[@hannahgast1284]

As far as I understand, the Friend Zone was introduced by Joey Tribbiani of Friends, in an episode where he explained to Ross why it wasn't going the way Ross wanted with Rachel. Joey explained that Ross waited too long to make his intentions clear, and instead kept doing friend-like things with her. He was "friend-zoned" by his own cowardice, not by Rachel.

[@giovannidalpozzolo3363]

Speaking from experience, there's another playing factor here in mantaining these kind of relationships, which makes them more difficult to end. Sometimes girls will actively encourage this kind of behaviour (sometimes in a manipulative way) as a mean to get attention and love from a person, without needing commitment. And I don't mean in an implicit, interpretable way, but in an explicit and unquestionably active way, like saying: "do this and this and I'll consider being with you, or trying to guilt you out of finally accepting the no and moving on". I'm not saying this always happens, and of course there's TONS of guys out there who just won't take a no because of patriarchy and stuff, but I've seen this happen so many times and I feel like it isn't talked about enough.

[@rhettbaldwin8320]

Some people both men and women will lead someone on and use the fact that the other person wants more as a method of getting something for themselves. It's the closest thing to the friendzone that exist, but it isn't the friendzone, it is abuse. And if you're in a relationship with someone that is using your desire for a romantic relationship to get things from you then you should remove yourself from that relationship.

[@NytYanse]

I've heard elsewhere that 'friendzoning' someone means expecting intimatebpartner levels of loyalty and dedication from someone when you have no intention of being more than friends with them i.e. a girl expects her guy friend to be on call 24-7 and not flirt with other girls, but insists they're not dating and she can be with whomever she wants- the imbalance of expectations is the problem there. I don't know if there even is an official definition for the term, and I imagine there are more interpretations the more people you ask. It should go without saying that no-one is entitled to accessing someone else's body, regardless of gender.

[@giannipiccioni8411]

That's just abuse. The fact is that lots of guys consider being friend zoned any relation with a woman they want to F, but they can't F

[@courtneylees9133]

Ok so, I just watched a couple videos. Two of them yours and one of a cute cat. Guess which had my 7-month old daughter grinning ear to ear... it wasn't the cat 😂 my baby loves you ma dude

[@richardblackmore9351]

I (37 M, married) have no words. I simply think it is completely impossible for me to see eye to eye with Gen Z on pretty much anything. But now to the video. What I am going to tell my son (because he is the only male in my life who actually matters). It is pretty simple. 1. Know how women communicate. It is generally pretty easy to know if a woman is in to you. You will see it in her mannerisms and body language. If a woman is into you and you see it, just walk up to her and ask her out. Simple as that. But number 2. If you do like a woman and want to approach her, do it without having any expectations. Respect her right to say no. Have a conversation with her, see if the two of you click, and THEN, after having that conversation with her, ask her out and see if she wants to take it further. If she says no, she says no, respect that choice. There are plenty other fish in the sea. Life is pretty simple people.

[@fluffyfluffy7938]

Ihave been saying this for the longest time ever finally is like having a crush or one sided love

[@DrWho160]

I believe that there are situations where one person is leading the other on, and if that’s the case why stay? They clearly don’t care about your feelings so why pursue a romantic relationship with them? There really isn’t any situation where you should stay in a relationship where you are stuck in the “friend zone”. Maybe you are okay with just being their friend, that’s okay, good even, because friendship is still a good relationship to have. But if you are bitter towards someone because they don’t feel the same that is a problem, it isn’t their fault.