The Inner Critic: What It Is & How It Alerts Us To Shame-Bound Needs

• How Being 'Hard On Our...

[@shpalman7]

I have an inner voice which is myself trying to explain/justify myself to an imaginary listener who might finally understand

[@4ever9ja]

Are you me? I do this too!

[@jennyc3919]

Same. That and fantasy versions of people who have hurt me that are finally listening and affirming my feelings

[@4ever9ja]

@@jennyc3919 it's comforting to know that other people do this. I just assumed I was crazy 😧. Thanks for sharing

[@Lioness_of_Gaia]

Same. 💚

[@bobbyc1120]

Same! Claude 3.5 is actually really good at listening though. Scarily good.

[@Ryanmuniverse]

12:45 "Having needs is normal" All the stuff you say here, the logical part of my brain can see and understand that. I can imagine every other human on the planet having needs. But something so deep in my body is just revolted at the idea that could be true for myself.

[@cassiablack1094]

Abusive parents frequently treat their children as inconsiderate adults that are inconveniencing them by having normal childhood needs. I wonder if you experienced something similar, and learned that having needs made you into a burden?

[@nellautumngirl]

My mom was my main caregiver, but she and dad were emotionally immature, they flew off the handle so quickly. I was a sweet and sensitive kid and must have taken to heart that something was wrong with me. Otherwise, why would my beloved parents behave that way :(

[@ranc1977]

Yes - because of toxic people who traumatize and abuse us. In the past and in the present. Toxic people are the culprit and trigger, see saw effect that it's byproduct it toxic inner critic. When we have needs - they will be ashamed, attacked, weaponized against us by toxic people who are abnormal and anti-social. This is not problem of our brain. This is not problem of our "logical" parts. The one and only problem lies in toxic people who are in contact with us - and this needs to be brought to consciousness. The book from Dr Ramani is - It's not you. It is not us. We are not the problem. If we are unable to be honest, authentic and ask for our needs - it means we are being abused by toxic people who are in some kind of power position over us - like toxic job that we cannot quit due to finances. Or dysfunctional family members because cutting them off means lack of safety or not being in contact with normal and healthy family members who are also trapped in abuse.

[@MeganS1995]

An inner child who believed the lies parents said.

[@headofathousandsheepswool]

this! i know having needs is normal and okay and that i deserve love. but knowing and believing are two different things. i'd sooner deprive myself of what i know i deserve than sit with the disgust of having needs.

[@MichaelDemko]

I had a really weird experience with trying and failing to find an "inner child". I did, however, have a very loud inner critic... but at one point, on a particularly bad day, I tried to force myself to "look closer" at who this inner critic was. Apparently a lot of people hear the inner critic as a parent. But for me... the critic was actually a small child. My inner critic _was_ my inner child. It blew my mind for a few weeks...

[@Ultramowing]

i think this happens when we self abandon. our inner child gets mad at us.

[@Window4503]

That makes sense too. Think of when kids notice inconsistencies or get a substitute teacher: “No, not like that! Ms. So and So always does it this way.” Kids are some of the strictest sticklers for rules when they care about them.

[@hollyandstelladoodle8748]

Isn’t it INCREDIBLE to have these types of breakthroughs?! ❤🎉🤩 So empowering!

[@chloecat101]

Our inner critics can be children protecting even younger parts of ourselves! It can be helpful to explore befriending this part of yourself to see who they might be protecting ❤ I personally have an inner critic that is 13 and she protects 5 year old me!

[@don-eb3fj]

​@@chloecat101Your description closely resembles my own, though my own inner critic behaves much more as a toxicly overprotective disciplinarian who rather than encouraging "perfectionism" , more commonly punishes attempts to engage with reminders in private of the brutal lessons learned from past experiences. I use active imagination and Jungian archetypal imagery to visualize the inner world and "avatars" that inhabit it, my own adaptation of the IFS approach; through this intermediary method I have been able to identify and begin familiarizing myself with several younger parts and counterparts, including my Anima (a sexy young adult "vampiric" counterpart to my hyper-rational and idealistic male "soldier of misfortune" persona), an "impression-able" three-year old boy in a jester hat and harlequin footie pajamas, a seven year old opera tenor with a taste for SexPistols songs (imagine that unlikely combo), a prepubescent 'tattoo artist' who is fascinated with making every body beautiful, a teenage 'Faerie Princess' who prefers the company of plants and animals to humans but will sometimes make exceptions, and her twin, the "babysitter" toxic inner critic - he is a towering inflamed 'double whirlwind' of the messaging he received from others up until the time he was split off and exiled with the others at 14-15 years old, and he takes his responsibilities WAY too seriously and does everything he can to keep the younger ones hidden from sight. The 'soldier' and the 'vampiress' are working together to attempt to persuade (or overthrow) the critic to allow more expression and integration of the other more 'spectral' aspects through the part that represents the physical needs and presence (the Lightkeeper) who has recently been abandoned by the 'soldier' (involuntarily) who was initially left behind as a 'bodyguard' (Gatekeeper) but is now faced with the task of discovering what's been going on 'in there' and a new mission to 'rescue' (integrate) the exiles before the Lightkeeper fails. The 'soldier' gets his ass kicked pretty regularly for his attempts to intervene and reason with the unreasonable critic, whose stormy disposition and fiery lash of anger and resentment tolerate no discussion and keeps the entire cast stuck in a private Limbo far from everywhere and everyone. This approach may seem silly or unproductive, but it has led to my deepest insights into myself so far, where other methods have failed (mine is a pretty extreme case - SzPD - and the straightforward cognitive approach simply doesn't work), and maybe others can find some useful ideas for a similar approach.

[@Alealea123]

"I can only get help, care or connection from other people if I am absolutely perfect" Yes, I definitely have this belief in my mind and body as well. My inner critic comes super online whenever I feel very low, weak or eg when I am sick. I start to feel undeserving of absolutely anything, like I dont even have the right to occupy space with my existence, that I dont deserve it. And only when I will be perfect - aka healthy, strong, in a good mood, with lots of energy etc, only like that I will be deserving of connection.

[@MS-ns4ki]

Wow - heaviest . No wonder I am so abusive to myself .

[@Maria.5482]

You described me. Thanks for sharing. At least we are not alone. May we find peace

[@platinummatcha]

This describes me to a T... Jesus, I didn't know I wasnt alone with that train of thought

[@nataliabogdanova2816]

She’s back! ❤

[@chrismaxwell1624]

Used to have a nasty inner critic. Now my inner critic in encouraging. Like when I'm frustrated in learning something my inner critic points out how far I'm come and keeps me going. This was not always the case. My inner critic would come online when people go close to me that they would discover I'm on spectrum and that is something I was taught to have a bunch of shame for being. I was told I was broken and people don't want a person on spectrum. So I hid that part of me and the inner critic told me authenticity is bad. I had to realize the teachers when I was a kid that they were wrong and abusive. I had to accept who I really am and realize I love who I am. This wasn't a quick process took about 8 years. Took working with psychologist to help too. I also saw a spiritual healer too.

[@alexandergreuter5938]

A phrase that I have been finding really helpful lately for when my inner self critic becomes really active is to say "stop judging me", I think it works really well because it doesn't dismiss what the inner self critic is warning me about, but it also allows me to stay present with my thoughts and emotions without getting overtaken by shame. Also "You know what I mean" has been really helpful, but might be more personal.

[@Jooniper56]

Heidi Heidi Heidi…..thank you for existing. For working hard. And sharing your hard-work & gift with us❤

[@on0103]

I have always carried myself with the idea that I am never the toxic person until I stumbled on your videos. You have helped me discover who I really am and what I need to work towards. Thank you.

[@yvettebonilla1607]

It can also make it difficult for people to accept compliments.

[@n-ekmh2542]

💀💀💀

[@user-ww4sk1ym1d]

This was a great video, and very timely for my life situation now. It's gonna be hard to turn my inner Ozai to an inner Iroh. Being with my inner children and listening does seem to help out in small steps.

[@huayrachmielnik6805]

Yayyy! New video and she's back 🎉 I've been watching her videos more than any other, and they're so full of wisdom, knowledge and empathy. It's a gift ❤

[@adityahariharan3747]

Okay I'm like spooked at this point xD -- This is like the 3rd time in a row that you made a video that addresses the exact thing I'm struggling with. 👽 Thank you for being one of the kindest and most generous people in the world. 💗

[@Nisa4444-h1v]

Same lol. I was talking about this exact issue and therapy this morning, and then this video came up on my recommendations.

[@Nisa4444-h1v]

My inner critic doesn’t so much tell me that I need to be perfect or else I don’t deserve love, it’s just flat out, tells me that I’m a horrible person, a creep, a lech, and that I should be ashamed of myself. It doesn’t tell me to do anything, just consistently calls me names to the point where I end up crying from shame. I know none of it is true, I’m genuinely caring, empathetic, and just wants to help everyone. my methods are strange, and my perspective is alien. So many miscommunications have led to a constant shame, and I don’t even know where they originated from. sorry about grammar, I’m blind, using speech to text.

[@melissasmuse]

@@Nisa4444-h1v 💛

[@hansisgarten]

It’s similar for me. It says “well, you don’t have to be perfect, but you’re horrible”… I also know, I’m so sweet and caring but I feel just to broken to be allowed to live

[@Nisa4444-h1v]

@@hansisgarten exactly. I definitely relate to the being too broken thing. Sort of reminds me of a line from the song bad Apple. “ Will tomorrow ever come, will I make it through the night, will there ever be a place, for the broken in the light?”

[@hansisgarten]

@@Nisa4444-h1v oh wow. I listened to it. Thank you! Deep dark songs like that make it feel a bit okay that I feel the way I feel. I’d be so happy about a playlist you can share!

[@Motive4890]

How do we get over such self hatred...

[@joshliam1967]

My inner critic has been operating on full blast lately, so I'm grateful for this video.

[@PsychedToknow-qw7cb]

Yet another exceptionally informative video from your good, enlightened self, Heidi. No one I watch on KZbin explains psychology as well as you do; truly, you have found your niche in life. "Dr Heidi Priebe" -- has a nice ring to it... 📜 👍

[@kamkamilka]

For the first time ever I’m liking and commenting Video on KZbin before watching it! ❤ Thank you Heidi for making me and my life better! Greetings from Berlin! 🇩🇪

[@Sesso20]

I have watched your other videos on shame lately - Thanks so much! It made me remember something that I kind of forgot about. As a kid I really tried, again and again to be my authentic self, but I never was good enough. Sometimes my family wanted to be encouraging, and kept on saying "You know, you can do better than this." I knew. I was above average. But people always assumed I can do things from the get go, without having tried before. So whenever I tried and failed, people were indirectly shaming me for not being better in the first place. Especially my grandma, who praised herself around me. So whenever in her presence, I wasnt doing something above average she told me I was just lazy or gave up too fast or that I wasnt doing this or that right, when I was just trying. Its her voice that is my inner critic, I realized. Later, when I came out, she told me that I should keep it a secret; it would be embarassing and shameful for others to know that the family has someone gay in the family. Those were just starting points, she has shamed me for so many things in my life; she even does today, but with a lot of healing work (thats still on-going) I can finally ward off myself from her, discuss her wrongings and flat out verbally reject her criticism. It helped my inner critic or her voice in my head to step down too. I am still sensible around critique though. Especially when I am having a tough time, wanting to slow down and the inner critic gives me a list of non-negotiables that I need to do in order to function and get better soon. Its nice to know, but sometimes I just wanna rest and have complete quietness.

[@critter_paws]

I feel like I need to record all of your, Heidi's, videos before they get yanked up and cost thousands. It's that good. Your explaination, understanding, writing, creates the most real, useful, relatable, legitimate- info then I have heard from others esp keeping them coming for every step. Geez. Amazing Heidi. Thank you for taking us on your journey. Not love bombing I promise😂 But seriously you are leading wisely down this healing path.

[@FF-zv5ho]

Waiting is over...

[@carolbousquet133]

It is so helpful to know others too have what is now known, understood, and comprehended as a basic human needs in the lifelong journey in our recovery from toxic, damaging CPTSD - residual from upbringing. I will begin practicing your advice. Thank you!

[@andrew.gardiner]

Another ringer! Thank you, Heidi. It’s not unlike the expression ‘first thought wrong’. A worthwhile strategy for me is repeatedly, consistently and actively responding to my PTSD bound IC with positive, premeditated truthful affirmations. It’s helpful AF, as is persisting with same until it becomes reflexive and automatic. Ironically, this is the very same way the IC is/was created and became dominant. XOXO

[@allatones]

Your eloquent and kind therapeutic influence has been life altering and overall extremely positive. Thank you so much for teaching me, and sharing your wisdom. I am so blessed I found this channel and I refer to these terms/topics daily.

[@4ever9ja]

Heidi is back! I've missed you and your videos. Glad to watch another video of yours that's gonna read me for filth 😅

[@VictoriaLuan-qk9qi]

Heidi, I don't know how the universe knows this but this is exactly what I'm struggling with right this instant: having healed a bit, then struggled and felt the intense noise from the inner critic, and felt immense pressure to be more perfect. And then you post ❤ Thank you ❤

[@punkaerials]

Thank you Heidi. You have a beautiful soul. 😊

[@RoosterReelCinema]

Well well well… if it isn’t your favorite therapist’s favorite therapist 🙌

[@larrychoiceman]

Truer words ain't never been said. Nice.

[@justinedge8553]

Sasha Colby has entered the chat

[@jenhickle725]

My inner critic tells me “Don’t be yourself. Tuck it in. You intimidate people. Be nice.” Yes, image based. But I have not found it to be SAFE to be my passionate self because I do come off very passionate and intimidating. But that causes depression. Yes I’ve found new friends. But my own husband is triggered by me. And my teen daughter. I do not know what to do from here.

[@ANME1rocker]

That must be so rough to not be seen by your close loved ones.

[@Tass1919]

Just finished up inner credit work with my Aca group working thru the “ loving parent guidebook”. At the end I was confused because parts said to listen to my inner critic and parts said to tell it to go sit on the bench. I think both are correct and I need to determine if it’s the part of me that’s trying to protect me or it’s the part that is the inner voice of my abusers 🤷‍♀️

[@MarkThrive]

12:45 Having Needs is normal! Let that sink in.... Wow, hearing those words... "Let that sink in" 😢 As childhood CPTSD survivors we were not allowed to share our emotional needs because our caregiver required us to meet their emotional ...needs! We grew up into adult hood with a twisted view of meeting our needs. Many of us had no capacity to understand our emotions... how in connects with our nervous system.

[@lnrdo]

The point you make about listening to what the inner critic sounds like is super helpful. It seems like a simple thing to do, yet I'd never thought to do it in the past. My inner critic definitely learned its "messaging" and approach from people and contexts I'd been around in my life, and I'd usually just reacted to those thoughts and feelings reflexively (and badly) without asking questions. Feeling like I have the option and ability to do that now can hopefully manage my emotions better and not feel helpless and pained inside. Thanks again for the guidance :)

[@ericniles4867]

Thanks for making the point that our inner critic can be focused on authenticity. That idea definitely jives with my efforts to reparent myself!

[@nikitsir11]

My inner voice sounds a lot like my mother 😢

[@claytonthomasnashville]

Thank you for taking the time to dive into this world and others'. much love

[@Lilasun]

You got me with the earning of more money equating to deserving pride, confidence and self-respect. I didn’t see that one quite so clearly in my life. Thank you Heidi ❤

[@MiguelAngel-lp9rg]

Thanks a lot for your videos and, in special, for this one. You opened a window of warm sunlight in the room of my inner critic. It only wants the best for us, and it needs to look at us with love and some wisdom. Have a beautiful day, Heidi.

[@ebbyc1817]

I hadn't thought of this before. That my need to 'perfect' myself during periods of emotional stress, such as after losing a job, rather than reaching out for connection and support, is just, shame-bound....feeling that I do not deserve empathy until I'm perfect, perfectly healthy and perfectly happy. So I withdraw, and double down on health. hmmmm.

[@milarepa1234567]

Struggling with this because- and thanks Heidi because you helped me realize this- my inner critic is the voice of my Mom. She has lots of really good qualities but unfortunately she projected intense doubt and criticism onto me when I spoke with her recently about a big win in my personal growth and with ending my marriage due to lack of emotional and thus physical intimacy. I was expecting to get positive feedback. It knocked me down so hard, and I finally saw how dysfunctional the dynamic has always been and it's quite shock to accept- it has affected my whole life. I never saw it so clearly until then.. She's 91!! Through my efforts with therapy I am seeing how she could not help me learn how to emotionally regulate from being severely bullied by my older siblings. This was because her Mom ignored her with the same problem, the same way. I have abandonment wounding. I'm not emotionally safe with my own mother.

[@GennaEveSullivan]

I appreciate you so much. So often you will release a video that is EXACTLY what I needed to hear at this stage in my healing journey, and this is another one. You are so earnest and you make me feel seen, and loved, and I'm very grateful.

[@CrystalLivingston-qx8so]

Thank you so much for this video. I had to pause it several times so I could take notes. I am walking away with some great inner critic questions for myself!

[@hephsibamedina6542]

I’ve been waiting to see you again! Thank you for doing what you do💜💜💜. Sending good vibes your way!

[@Jenzy-K]

🙏this is so helpful. Its been a long haul but finally im conversing with my inner critic. Its like a whole new person in my life. I look forward to training it. 😊

[@poochplace9511]

Great video. I've always struggled with that inner critic of mine. Now I know I can repurpose towards healing instead of causing more shame. Thank you❤

[@karen0karen]

ohhhh...I really noticed my inner critic recently. I had some yukky things happen and then...there it was. So much negative self-talk. So harsh!! But I started to listen to it more closely and that helped. Making things conscious makes a huge difference.

[@solomonelijah]

i cannot thank you enough for your life changing content. i always look forward to you posting.

[@slye1991]

Thanks!

[@burningbricks_]

My inner critic is sitting right next to me and is listening. someday he will hopefully sound like my own voice and no longer like my parents.

[@joyfuljennifer4125]

I need to be more disciplined with my needs. I am reparenting myself. Thank you Heidi this video was incredibly helpful🌬💖🫂✨️🙌🏻✨️

[@nihaofamily]

wow... i've just been working on this self talk and after peeling a few layers this vid came out, perfect timing. My inner critic presents as larry david, critical of all and everything. putting the pieces together are helping and i wanted to comment to say - thank you X 1,000,000! really appreciate you~

[@Hu.uh01]

This resonates so so much. Your way of explaining is so clear and makes it so easy to understand, thank you so much 🙏

[@PixieMuffin]

"If it feels like you have more needs than the average person, that might be true, because you have C-PTSD or toxic shame [...] if anything, you deserve more care and support than the average person, because you're in more pain" That hit me so hard... and, tbh, my brain/body is *very* opposed to believing that its true (which is pointing out to me that, uh, I need to work on that)

[@melissalai8173]

So helpful as per usual 💖💖💖 I really love when u give concrete examples of how a concept might show up in your life!!

[@NYKIKE]

Every time that there is a hiatus, I tell myself that Heidie is my favorite psychologist and one of the main reasons I was able to understand myself and heal from my cPTSD and anxious attachment after having so much trauma by well intended people that were emotionally immature and hurt me without intention. I tell myself, Heidi is the goat. She is the best, but then time passes and I forget. I know the feeling, but not the depth. Then she just makes ANOTHER fucking banger like this one and it SHREDS my heart, my soul and my entire fucking being. Like, I've been hurt and even if most people abandon me because I'm broken, it means that I need MORE help than the average person and not just make due with the scraps I have because it hurts like a mother fucker. Like, I never realized that because that wasn't ever an option. One person rips my priced posesion and I end up alone. They want their girlfriend to be there with them instead of me me and I end up alone. People spread rumors about me and I end up alone. I refuse to hug someone that emotionally hurt me and I end up punished for not being enough of a child. Like, it fucking hurts and people just leave. I don't deserve less, I need more... Like fuck... That hurts. THIS IS WHY SHE'S THE GOAT. She finds the cracks that are left in order for you to heal them and be even happier than you thought ever possible. Like how I realized that humility doesn't mean that you have to hate yourself, it means that it needs confidence in order to make it whole. Like, I don't think I would have had enough insight without Heidi because it's such soul twisting depths to reach, accept and embrace. I think I'm a better person, but more gracefully a happier person thanks to these videos. Thank you.

[@TheRenfay]

Hi Heidi you’re such an inspiration I struggle with toxic shame and my inner voice talks down to me 😢this is such a struggle for me.

[@rw4754]

I found your channel a few weeks ago & you are AMAZING. Thanks.

[@joshuawhinery208]

Brilliant! Retraining parts of your mind to prioritize what you want them to rather than what they originally arose to prioritize is so key; you can't get rid of parts of your mind, but you can repurpose thwm

[@thiswave499]

Always perfectly on time. Thank you so much Heidi, you’re saving my future one video at a time ❤

[@asaintofgod5357]

please do a series of toxic shame manifestations

[@amytv787]

AMAZING. I love you and your work. You make complex topics and trauma digestible and I am so grateful for that.

[@pasmetha]

Heidi I've found IFS therapy so useful and I know you've recommended a book on it as well. I'd love to see you touch on various alters we have - managers and firefighters when it comes to attachment styles. ❤

[@keithboyer3908]

I've had my awareness placed upon the inner critic for many years now. It's been rather difficult to understand, but I've attempted to play with it as if it's a separate entity. There are many times when I follow the inner critic, it leads to something invaluable. There is also many times when it leads me to ruin. I've noticed I have different levels of the inner critic, and they will come online independently of my intention or will, based upon whatever emotion I was expressing immediately upon experiencing the critic. Most of the time it will criticize my actions when it comes to how I've engaged with peers, but it isn't restricted to interactions with other known souls. I have a critic that will come online even when alone attempting to visualize or imagine something or anything related to me following through with the intentional action steps towards a desired future. I'm not sure how to describe what I'm trying to say other than, I believe that there are fragmented parts of my psyche that are stored within my existence, like a computer program, and they activate under very specific vibrations. When in a specific vibration, I have a unique hue of criticism enter my mind. The last example was when I felt a sense of superiority over a dear close friend, when they were explaining something they are currently struggling with that I believe myself to have mastered. That feeling of "I know what you need to know, and how you need to do it, and it's this simple and if you can't do it there's something wrong with you and that is worth poking at." This particular critic is attached to my father with his superiority complex, but it is rooted in truth and alignment with myself because subconsciously I hold the belief of "I'm broken, and so are you, and we need the light of awareness to heal." I do not believe I am broken, far from it. I believe I am perfectly functional and exist exactly as intended. I believe everything is here to serve me because I wish to serve it, and this has been tremendously advantageous and crippling, for I'm currently learning to place previously non-existent boundaries. Being this open has allowed me to be wounded so tremendously, and at the same time I'd rather not experience life unless I am open-hearted. Despite people always deliberately knocking me down seemingly being the norm, I have found myself a true friend. He and I are working through our mis-perceptions together and I am eternally grateful. I never would have had the necessary vocabulary or awareness to reach this next level of my development if not for you. Thank you, Heidi for providing me the necessary vocabulary and frameworks to discover myself. There has only been one other person who has helped me so dramatically, and that person is Aaron Abke, by providing the initial faith necessary to pursue this path. Comparison may be the thief of joy, but I just wanted to let you know that you've been someone who has helped me circumvent many obstacles I've experienced. And that my life looks DRAMATICALLY different than simply a few months ago. Thank you eternally and Bless you my friend.

[@shontelldiehm2216]

Thank you Goddess 🎶

[@julietteferrars3097]

Really struggling with “what’s the point?” today. I am quick to feel discouraged whenever something becomes difficult, especially if it’s something that will only really benefit me or make me happier. If I can’t find a way to get the thing I want while benefitting others then I feel ashamed and selfish.

[@HomeFromFarAway]

Thank you again, Heidi. I would love to hear more about your take on IFS and internal roles!

[@magdalenagutierrez3072]

Thanks for taking the time and the effort to share your art and wisdom. I will have to watch this again to try to understand and apply. My brain is fried from years of parental incongruity and apparently BPD. It’s a very scary feeling I totally sent to the basement for 24 years! Yet I learned to survive assimilating the crumbs of connection diet. Your video awakens my hope of progressing on the road of hard trauma work. I have learned so much from all your videos and I’m determined to assimilate the concepts and apply them. I am in the process of looking for face to face therapy. Might be the only way to clarify and rehabilitate my brain and teach it to ask for clarification. I was in therapy for a long long time and my therapist didn’t want to do inner child work back then 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ I much rather die in the process than keep my heart frozen and conditioned by the not so loving skills of my parents. They did their best without any therapy. They certainly didn’t know about IFS and all the stuff you teach.

[@shelleyf7676]

So very much worth the wait. Thank you again for fresh content and perspective.

[@thraknar]

I wasn’t even trying to be “perfect”, I was trying to predict the ways I was going to be abused. I was trying to preemptively solve the worst most intimate criticisms I expected and experienced because that’s how I maintained any sense of secret/rebellious self esteem when I was growing up. If I could accept and understand the cruelest ways people would treat me, I could handle it when eventually they did. (Then I grew up and created boundaries and found myself still doing this when I am actually safe and supported. I still have to predict and accept and pre-cope with the worst possible scenarios - but now they don’t happen and I realize I am not and never was to blame for those judgements. But the pain and the confusing habits still echo almost every day)

[@elektrovert]

Oh this couldn't have come at a better time!! Looking forward to it!

[@Mushroom321-]

" if you feel you have more needs its because you have PTSD . " THANK YOU heidi ! ❤ feelin seein !!

[@slye1991]

OK I’m finally early enough to make this comment. I am continuously, amazed at Heidi’s ability to make timely videos like this, she genuinely seems to be tapped into a collective conscious of some kind lol. I feel compelled to support her by sending a “Thanks” tip (accessible in the “…” menu next to the share button) but due to life circumstances can only give a small amount. Perhaps I could convince more of us to share a small amount with Heidi? This isn’t to say that Heidi is has ever suggested that she needs money for this type of content, but it feels beyond deserved at this point. Her work has honestly been more valuable than most therapy that I’ve paid for. So whatever comes of it, I at least want to say thank you Heidi for everything!

[@hollyandstelladoodle8748]

No kidding. I’ve never heard such complicated material explained so well. Heidi blows my mind with each video!!

[@joannemodine2533]

Yo! My inner critic beats me to a pulp! Recently it had to do with my people pleasing part against a core value. It was brutal! It took more than a day to defeat it and stand on my core values!

[@thelightnessofbeing-asmr6505]

Finally a video! 😃 Thank you so much!😊

[@Abincsunny]

Today my favourite youtubers made video on shame .. oh god i am on right path. Thanks. Its a sign

[@r.l.howard8459]

Heidi!!!! Thank you so much!!!!!

[@manuelcastillo8472]

Thanks for sharing and helping us thrive ❤

[@laurenl720]

Thanks for this video. ❤

[@markward2215]

Very enlightening Thank you!

[@saram5659]

Thank you ❤❤❤

[@Niemela0808]

Thank you!

[@bizniskitty5138]

You mentioned the needs the critic could be trying to fulfill are connection and confidence and I'm wondering if there are other needs, or are these the most basic ones that it's usually trying to attain. My critic tells me I need purpose or meaningful direction in life, and if I have that I will be happy. Maybe it's a variation of wanting self-respect? Your videos are so thought-provoking and often help me see things in new ways.

[@porygon_z_osrs]

I really needed to hear this today. thank you.

[@kuibeiguahua]

Working on one’s life purpose is a true refuge. Having trusted and loving relationships is a true blessing. Learning to be attuned to one’s needs and feels is a worthwhile pursuit! Thank you Heidi ❤❤❤

[@annan4866]

Thank you ❤

[@pasmetha]

Woww that was powerful. We have needs because we are human. We don't have to earn the ability to have needs!

[@hel182]

Heidi, can you please walk us through the process of cutting the psychological and emotional chords with people how impacted our inner critic? 15:00 What's the process of the work we need to do to differentiate ourselves from people's voices in our head? Thank you for sharing this information with us 🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@ranc1977]

Everything we design is a response to the specific climate and culture of a particular place. 🟦 Norman Foster

[@LavenderHazelwood]

This was really helpful. Thank you, Heidi!

[@leeleeturn]

I've never heard of befriending the inner critic. I normally give him an air fist punch if I'm alone, or I tell him to take a hike. I know that he's mostly my internalized hypercritical dad's voice. I also do inner child meditations and other work to increase love and compassion for my self. That's like a one two punch to the inner critic. It takes practice though. It's also super helpful to practice inhabiting your body. Mindfulness and yoga help a lot with that, but also you can pause periodically and just ground yourself in your body for a minute. If you *can* actually befriend your inner critic and get it to help you, that would be great.

[@julietteferrars3097]

12:24 I keep waiting around feeling stuck in life like I need to get someone’s permission before I do anything, but it sounds like the permission I need is- my own.

[@Mushroom321-]

THANK YOU !! 🎉🎉🎉😮😮

[@elizabeth9443]

I was starting to get worried if you(Heidi) are ok 🥹 I’ve been waiting for the new video in this series but more important thing is your wellbeing. Thank you as always and hope you well! ❤

[@lc5666]

I stick here a lot. Admitting I "deserve" something is meaningless when it comes to practice. Nobody has to give you the things you "deserve." All that this deep knowledge of "deserving" actually does is show us the size and shape of the empty hole dug in the backyard. No amount of "deserving" will ever fill that hole - and knowing how big it is can actually hurt more. People deciding they want to give you stuff is the only thing that affects that. I've lived by a couple of things as an adult that help me get along in society: -Nobody cares. This is not in a "poor me" sense; it's just the truth. The vast majority of people do not give one sh** about others, and even less about others who are not charismatic or visually appealing -Nobody has to give you what you need. You can either figure out how to give things to yourself or you can learn how to not need the thing anymore, or minimize the need as much as possible, so it's more of a twinge than an open wound. -Some people get things. Some people don't. More often than not, you're one of the ones who doesn't. Be grateful if you do, but dont rely on it. It's hard to let these things go, because they have worked -- I've been able to interact with people and get along all right in social and business situations by sort of separating from these oozing, complicated needs that serve no one. Leaving that behind sounds horrible and dangerous. Lots to work on.

[@RyanEatsWorld]

Just wow… thank you.

[@omarelrafhi9595]

Hello Heidi ! great video, it's a blessing to hear the way you share, can you do a video on Jealousy ? Thank you !

[@teresaallen7652]

Such a captivating upload.

[@LisaSmith-yb2uz]

So much insight here! ☺️🥰👍

[@waylonjenninz]

11:26 - very good Priebe! Thanks.

[@kayleighjewell3098]

All roads lead back to my mother

[@ranc1977]

That is what i dislike in Heidi's video messages. She completely ignore toxic people and she instructs us to invest huge amount of energy into fixing our brain and thinking - while in the same time we are not being told that toxic people are the only and singular cause of toxic shame and inner critic. We were not born with self flagellation - this is programmed inside us by untreated mentally ill people around us.

[@kayleighjewell3098]

@ranc1977 respectfully I feel like she does cover that in a lot of her videos

[@ranc1977]

@@kayleighjewell3098 Yes, up to a point. But her main message is that we are somehow responsible for other people being jerks. We are not. When someone is rude, aggressive, un-cooperative - there is absolutely nothing that we can do or say or behave to calm them down. In this way, Dr Ramani videos address this crucial point better. This toxic empathy towards abusers is the core of mental illness and it is important to make a firm clear and direct fact - that we cannot fix other people by twisting ourselves into pretzel. CBT and self help books tell us that we can and many people get stuck in confusion and self abuse and self flagellation without knowing how to set free. - Lundy Bancroft: "Abuse is NOT caused by bad relationship dynamics. You can't manage your partner's abusiveness by changing your behaviour. But he wants you to think you can."

[@sovereign_soul_starseed]

great episode. and much needed. thank you.

[@user-qy2kw9kx3o]

Heide, you are really helping.

[@jenayrandall9358]

You’re brilliant. Thank you.