The Insanity Of A Narcissist's Many Cravings

Ideally, as we interact with each other we can make room for one other's unique ways of managing life. But narcissists have so many self serving cravings, they cannot be reasoned with. Defining insanity as the presence of extreme irrationality, Dr. Les Carter helps you to understand their mindset so you can stay clear of their impossible demands.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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[@FreeLife2022]

Narcissist are broken children in adult bodies. If they weren’t so unpleasant it would be easy to feel sorry for them.

[@hugmc]

And good people do feel sorry for them, and that’s the beginning off our death by a thousand cuts

[@tbunnyshy1]

The ones I know crave EXCITEMENT any way possible. They drive you crazy so they “feel better”. They command attention, reactions, cause disappointment, are EXCITED when you are broken/in pain, etc.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

To the point of being sadistic!

[@beverlyadams7205]

So true 😢

[@lisbethbird8268]

Yep. Well said. It's psychotic and downright creepy.

[@SenoritxJaneDiamond]

It happened to me. My mother would neglect me and not care when something really horrible would happen (like when my sick, half-blind cat could have almost been hit by a car) and instead brushed it off as nothing, then later proceeded to snap at me and gaslight me about how I was angry (BECAUSE MY CAT COULD HAVE BEEN IN GRAVE DANGER!!!). It broke my heart and made me cry so much, I was just a kid and I was so scared for my poor, helpless kitty and I didn't understand why my mom didn't care.

[@beverlyadams7205]

@@SenoritxJaneDiamond no tenderness or mercy. Children are so defenseless.

[@undergroundwes2682]

How the narcissist acts in public compared to behind closed doors is truly astounding. Very manipulative indeed.

[@schizorap]

It is like 2 different people

[@saltlifegull4091]

You're right, it's sickening to watch them be so warm/fuzzy with others and ugly to me on the other hand.

[@thesimulation9651]

"they crave to use your positive attributes for their personal gain" This reminds me of the narcissist who fell 'in love' with his significant other because she is a hard worker. It's so scary to see his wheels spinning as he thinks, "I don't have to BE a hard worker because I OWN a hard worker!".

[@truthseeker243]

Yes, they never seek to entrap anyone on their own evil level. No light energy to feed off then. They focus on those who carry light, in order to own it for them selves. If they work hard enough they can extinguish it, and then really feel omnipotent.

[@KoolT]

Exactly what I thinking

[@henrykujawa4427]

Oh, that's scary.

[@kesmarn]

Like having the strongest mule in the county.

[@vanessamorey3812]

This is soooooo accurate, they think of people they associate with as livestock... Like the Colonial days of slave owners.. It never went away... It's still around, only now these a$$holes are hiding what they're all about.. Last I checked, owning slaves is illegal. ??? Narcissists are nothing more than the evil slave owning douchebags of times long ago... Only they never left. Now it's their kids who are the slaves...and so on... these enablers are just as evil as the narcs themselves.. Such a sick, evil world we live in. And people have the audacity to belittle me for choosing not to engage in procreation.. F this species.... disgusting 🤢

[@sharonjones5173]

The (one of many) traits of my narcissistic mother that I detest most: she can pour on the sugar and charm when she’s around someone she likes or she wants them to like her. But anyone she deems “lessor” than her the meanness, rude, dismissive and hateful behavior toward that person is shocking.

[@tbunnyshy1]

🎯💥👏

[@stevenkovler5133]

My estranged wife !!

[@KoolT]

Yep. Exactly. They are actors. ACTORS.

[@teresev1435]

There’s a female employee in my dentist’s office, same deal with a twist, she’s nasty, dismissive, rude and condescending to women. Then when she’s interacting with male boss and male clients/patients, her ENTIRE demeanor changes-she’s giggling, complimenting, blatantly flirtatious, charming and faux sweet. All the other women in the office avoid her. Makes me wonder why the doctor employs her. I’ll guess he never sees her other side.

[@TwinklingofaneyeLoveStoryofGod]

Dido

[@roblu9005]

"Sign me up for truth and honesty; I'll have nothing to do with your insanity." No truer words spoken to save your soul.

[@chelleb3055]

They are afflicted with a gaping hole where their soul should have been and they try to fill it with whatever they can but in the end it's fruitless. They are still empty shells. If they weren't so destructive I'd almost feel sorry for them!

[@loveoneanother881]

My attorney years ago told me that my repulsive deranged personality like a dead fish N was a black hole blight on humanity.

[@elcee7800]

So true, well said.

[@michelezeug5206]

I had said to my ex Psychopath " I pray for your soul" he then said he doesn't believe in souls. Creepy!

[@makesnodifference]

@@loveoneanother881 wow talk about affirmation! 😀

[@makesnodifference]

@@michelezeug5206 that is beyond creepy, that's something a serial killer would say

[@lalani888blue]

They don't care about your perspective, your feedback or concerns. They just arrogantly walk away and continue to create drama and chaos in your life and your children's live's. They enjoy creating insanity, insecurity, fear and depression in all the members in your household. This absolutely IS all about control for them. They sabotage anything good that you lovingly do for your children because they do need all the attention on themselves. It's all about them. They know exactly what they are doing to harm not only you but your children as well.

[@probablynot1368]

They crave to have the final word.

[@hjackson7563]

In my opinion this is one of the MOST IMPORTANT videos on narcissism. I've watched many videos on the topic in the last 5 years but this one hit on a whole other level. I see clearly for the first time that narcissists have a big empty pit in them that they need to fill to validate themselves and the cravings are all for this purpose. Thank you Dr C for the insights

[@tbunnyshy1]

🎯

[@elcee7800]

Agree, one of the best. This one cuts to the core. Dr. C’s first name should be Amazin’.

[@henrykujawa4427]

I'll probably be watching this one more than once.

[@esthersevier587]

They are always bored. They have to try new excitements. They have no boundaries. They never say sorry.

[@amandapriest9563]

Finally had to understand you can't reason with an unreasonable person. Or try to rationalize with an irrational person.

[@KeepQuestioning243]

It's great to know that I am pretty decent the way I am, not anywhere near perfect, and that I can continue to grow as a person.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Spot on!!

[@warrenbradford2597]

"8 of the most common cravings that narcissists have": 2:24 1. THE CRAVING FOR ADMIRATION. 3:25 2. THE CRAVING FOR AUTHORITY, CONTROL. 4:19 3. THE CRAVING TO BE BETTER THAN. 5:16 4. THE CRAVING TO BE THE KEEPER OF TRUTH. 6:12 5. CRAVING YOUR POSITIVE ATTRIBUTES FOR THEIR GAIN. 7:15 6. THE CRAVING TO BECOME THE ENFORCER. 8:20 7. THE CRAVING FOR SOCIAL ACCLAIM, STATUS. 9:20 8. BELONGING TO THE RIGHT GROUP OF PEOPLE, THE RIGHT LOOK. I will lookout for these cravings to avoid giving the narcissists I have to deal with narcissistic supply.

[@janglestick]

good list of a narcissist's cravings

[@warrenbradford2597]

@@janglestick Thank you!

[@kaybarnes1176]

Yes, they are insane!! Absolutely... Thank you, Dr. Carter. To stay around these people will make you feel insane too!!!!

[@constancebarrett1398]

Gus raised up at some point and was on alert to protect you against any narcissist trying to pounce on you. Go get em gus! He's a champion Dr.C!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus is a great companion.

[@constancebarrett1398]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I'm sure

[@tbunnyshy1]

At first, I thought your comment said, “Gus raised a good point”. 😂❤️

[@constancebarrett1398]

@@tbunnyshy1 lol

[@trudismith9712]

I wonder what Gus does when he hears the final word 'Peace' from his master. Jumps up and gets his treat. I am like Gus always there.

[@Ma-Says]

This week brought a big reminder of the insanity of their cravings. We hosted a party for a milestone celebration in our family. It turns out that I hosted it. All the planning, prep, and work was on me. My spouse “showed up” (came downstairs) when the guests arrived and went straight back up to rest when the last one left. The next day they were gushing about how they loved hosting people together. I bet! Later when I told them how exhausted I was they were surprised to hear that I had been working for days to plan and prep. I guess they thought the food magically appeared! The sad thing is that I’d rather do it all myself because when they get involved it causes me more work dealing with the stress on the rest of the family because of their “help”. They really love our reputation for hospitality that is largely due to my work.

[@kesmarn]

The other version of this behavior is The Healthcare Martyr. Friends and family think that this individual is in my home frequently for long visits to help me through the final stages of a serious, incurable illness. Reality: one of the recliners in my living room is occupied by a person who alternates between long naps and watching streaming movies one after another for hours while I struggle to change bedding, do dishes, put laundry away, etc., You can imagine who has the saintly reputation and who is considered an amazingly lucky person to have such tender loving care.

[@gertrudelisehahn2996]

@@kesmarnI am so sorry. Good to know they always wind up alone

[@paulinerichardson138]

They will also endure you do all the looking after of your father later on.And take financial advantage too. Look after your own needs.

[@paulinerichardson138]

​@@kesmarnso boundaries in place. They don't have to come.your too poorly with an infectious illness!!

[@Polyphemus47]

If I'm describing a troubling situation I'm in, I'll be interrupted with, "Oh, you think THAT's bad? Listen to THIS!." Or..."That's just like..." and they're off with their OWN (always missing my point) story. My cousins were always one-upping. Maybe growing up with them made me more tolerant of the narcissists I'd interact with later on (much to my own detriment)? Someone once asked me, "How do you FIND these people!?" I answered, "I don't - they find me. I just let them in." Another person once told me they admired my empathy. I said, "It's a curse."

[@Polyphemus47]

I wish I'd had a Dr. Carter in my life way back then. I have clear memories of being dumbfounded by other kids' lack of empathy from a very early age. Kindergarten was a hell of an education for me. I was totally puzzled by other kids thinking that 'sharing' meant "I share what YOU have. You don't get any of what I have."

[@carsonc6659]

Same here.

[@makesnodifference]

Bill, this is a fantastic way of stating the dynamic. What a great post. KUDOS

[@Polyphemus47]

@@makesnodifference Aw, shucks. Thanks - I find the subject fascinating.

[@henrykujawa4427]

Last week I encountered a nurse who told of how bad things were in her workplace. Today I was telling my younger client how this reminded me of the 20 years I spent in the engineering field, where nobody ever seemed to care about the quality of work, and those who did were looked at with suspicion: "Are you trying to make us look bad?" When I continued on about how one of the owners of a certain company felt that "college degrees" mattered more than knowledge, skills or experience, and how it nearly led to their company GOING UNDER decades ago (and said owner, decades later, had NOT leanred anything)... my client suddenly said, "You know, she's absolutely right." And I'm thinking... WHAAAT??? Even when he claims that the current state of things in this country, or in business, is WRONG, and he knows WHY, he loves to be CONTRARY so much, he can't stop himself from talking out of both sides of his mouth... even if/when he's contraticting HIMSELF from one second to the next! I changed the subject as soon as I could... (we were at the supermarket, so I started talking about food... heh)

[@michelepascoe6068]

One way their madness showed was in taking credit for the accomplishments of others, and then putting their moral weaknesses and failures on others!

[@secondhorizon]

Possessed with possessing and possessions.

[@tbunnyshy1]

That says it all! 🎯

[@amandaliverpool3374]

​@@tbunnyshy1 Agreed 👍

[@angellollar1083]

Why is this?

[@annking8633]

💯

[@andriamacdonald3842]

They see people AS possessions.

[@sarasheaffer8148]

Peace of mind is the treasure that the narcissist I am in the midst of divorcing has most undermined. Yoga practice is a salvation, as is the opportunity to educate myself with compassionate experts like Dr. Carter (and Gus!) and be present with others in a community who understand this type of emotional abuse. Thank you. I would like to see this movement of awareness reach the level of the justice system so that accountability for the significant psychological harm and financial exploitation that these predators inflict on decent, caring human beings is meaningful. Too many of these bad actors seem to walk away with few consequences for their truly evil actions and continue to perpetrate crimes against a limitless number of human beings

[@wildhorses6817]

Agree totally.

[@michelezeug5206]

100%

[@cherylnathanodette]

Cartman, authorata. Well there's news they crave attention, no. Never, ever. Poor dear Narcissists, my heart bleeds for them truly. Been up 17 hours now so if I ramble oh there she goes, soapbox city. 😊Cheers Dr. C WHAT IS THE C for. Heard of a therapist once he was a Dr. Cheeseman heard of him at all. He wasn't very tech savvy to say the least.

[@CBHarvey]

oh what an important initiative you remind us all to facilitate any way we may be in a position to.

[@lisab7977]

I am happy for you that you are on your journey to freedom. I’m so afraid to make the move. I’m afraid that nobody will believe me about the emotional abuse and that he will snow everybody and I will be given nothing in a divorce. I can’t afford to live without him if I don’t get some kind of support. I’m so trapped. 😭

[@Boo-jy5ju]

You are so right. I was like talking to a nut job! Frustrating. I'm so happy I got out w the kids. Never looked bk.

[@Junokaii]

I bet all of us have a good 1-3 people we think of when we watch these videos. I know I do.

[@susannakotoff7095]

sil and bil and mil

[@aaronkwolfe]

Betting dollars for doughnuts this isn’t about pickles & ice cream.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It's hard to pull one over on you, Aaron. Once again, you're right.

[@lindabell2940]

Its time Aaron, send me, good thinking, im craving this community, hurry up, another video, im hooked, my go team healthy, im insane, and i need this community

[@Geep1778]

Your attention and energy is their drug and they gotta have it when they need it. Otherwise their inner demons have reality breaking down their ability to keep up the false self.

[@ModernVintage31]

One of the grossest things I’ve ever been subjected to in my life is having a partner who used my minority status at his job to get a leadership position on an EDI committee, but then refused to speak with me about my own struggles as a minority because I was “too strident”.

[@stayce751]

Wow. No words for this.

[@miss_whipps]

I've literally thought (and said), "you're insane, you're absolutely crazy, you're COMPLETELY delusional!"🤯

[@cathyw.7515]

Once again, Dr. C, you were somehow in my house last night, heard all of the nonsense, and clarified it for me! God bless you and all of Team Healthy! We are NOT crazy.

[@robbrewer2036]

Do something for yourself and leave they don't change.

[@cathyw.7515]

@@robbrewer2036 Thank you for the encouragement. You are right.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

I used to notice that my ex stepfather used to crave talking about other people. I've watched him start a conversation and other people have joined in talking about others that weren't there and the look of smirky satisfaction is amazing. He sits back and enjoys the show. I don't go to his performances any more!

[@tbunnyshy1]

That’s another huge one! The second you turn your back they talk about you as well. It’s like a merry-go-round or an “out of this world” circus! Deeply penetratingly disturbing and abnormal!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@tbunnyshy1 Absolutely. Then, they talk about them to you making sure that you never get together behind THEIR back!

[@tbunnyshy1]

@@amandaliverpool3374 🎯🎯🎯

[@beverlyadams7205]

My narc daughter decided to go to AA after making a total fool out of herself with much of our family on holiday. She says that she has been sober for eight years. I have heard her gossip over and over again about the people who go to the meetings. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her say how much the meetings help her staying sober.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@beverlyadams7205 Yet, to them, she probably sounds sincere!

[@jacquelineb4011]

My mother is the very definition of a narcissist. She uses charm, denial and manipulation to play her "roles" of innocence, after wrecking havoc. Wears a mask in public, but wicked, unavailable and absent in private unless she needs something.

[@jodistamand8887]

Dgd d😊f gg f dddg😅dg😊dhdddd fb DC DC😊addd f f d d htgfhgfd DC gfa add g😅ddgj add sh as😊daft😊

[@richersonkate]

I love this one..."My Truth is..." Like they have ultimate truth that supercedes all.

[@maytruthprevail4668]

This video is so full of wisdom Dr. C. I loved the last line, in fact this video is one to go through a few more times. When you put out content like this in the manner you deliver this powerful and precise information you definitely are making a mark on the subconscious mind and helping those targeted by narcissistic individuals to hold their own, and step away from the insanity of the Narcissist. Thank you for the pearls of wisdom Dr. C.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome.

[@truthseeker243]

The best way to deal with a narcissist is to NOT even do it.

[@michaelgoldberg7403]

You. Are right.

[@kiddytube3915]

Doesn’t matter, had sex 😂

[@janglestick]

the percentage is too high, you cannot function in society without transacting with narcissists. But remember, these videos are about malignant narcissism, one that doubles down when contradicted, and gets dangerous when challenged. Most of us experience a normal narcissistic impulse or consideration, and force ourselves to get over it or wait until the next thing, sometimes with the help of friends or just rational people.

[@truthseeker243]

@@janglestick Well we do not have to deal with them in our personal lives, and that's the whole point. If everyone took that stance, the numbers would greatly reduce even in the business world. And no I do not think most people exhibit these impulses. That's like saying most people tend to be atheist. The numbers prove that's just not true. Your defeatist attitude is not helping, and 134 people would disagree with you..

[@janglestick]

@@truthseeker243 i dont see anything defeatist in what I said. I don't understand the atheism comparison at all. Most people do have these thoughts at various times, it is in how one recovers, and handles the insult of being 'mortified' that the definition and behavior of narcissism is derived.

[@harmonizedigital.]

I was in my grandmothers will. So I asked my narcissistic mother for a copy of the will. She refuses to give me a copy. I even tried to contact her through her attorney. It is a legal document not a family heirloom.

[@gregoryritchie7852]

One such narcissistic craver I knew tried to take EVERYTHING from me - and "projected" his tendencies onto me, an unwitting people pleaser over- giver, calling ME the craver! Enough is enough!

[@kerstitekko2257]

How to

[@kerstitekko2257]

How 999

[@drsaylor9145]

Number 6. My thought was that they need to be Judge Jury and Executioner As I was typing this, he went on to add being evil. He defined evil as knowing right from wrong and choosing to do wrong. Well said, Dr C.

[@nancytwigg4631]

I unknowingly came into harm's way when the covert targeted me. I fell for the fake love bomb. Then, four years of devalue. Then, the shocking instant discard. His craving for my positive attributes was so strong that it was not satiated until every ounce of the true me was stolen. A liar, a robber, a thief. Such a sad false self. Crave away! And me? I, well, I just stay away! It was a bad dream. It was a horrible nightmare. I'm wide awake now! Thanks, Dr. C. C stands for Cravings. Team Healthy's craving for dignity, civility, respect, and peace......Yes! Healthy cravings!!! Sans narcissism...

[@roxymovie3938]

Haunting for vulnerable souls, Narcissists are constantly craving because their inner empty souls are crying, "Feed me! Feed me! Feed me!" Feed me with your admiration Feed me with your adoration Feed me with your adorable charactertraits Feed me with your emotions......................... Knocking on their doors, who will open? Nobody! Because there isn't anyone at home. - This is insane, terrifying, illusional, surrealistic.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Very well put 👏

[@elcee7800]

One-person soap opera. I guess that’s why I’m so hooked, waiting to see if/when they meet their destiny.

[@michelezeug5206]

Feed me, adore me, save me. There is nothing there to feed, adore or save!

[@roxymovie3938]

​@@amandaliverpool3374 Thanks, Amanda 💗

[@roxymovie3938]

​@@elcee7800yes, or you can see it like a never ending story of tragedy. For sure it is a one-man-show🥺

[@carsonc6659]

My narcissist avoids social live. Yet he has this urge to move from one place to the next. No place is good enough for him.

[@jordanferguson2254]

You're not speaking in past tense 😩💀

[@kaarinamindaly4525]

This is utterly excellent. Thank you, Les Carter, a voice for real humanness in a world gone mad. You your words truly benefit many. Your humility and honesty nurture our souls and authentic selves. I have even come to enjoy your Houstonian accent, very much, because your balancing Weltanschauung shines through the way you convey your wise words and pure intent. So, thanks again and again. To me you are a Voice in the wilderness. You seem to be a Voice for The Voice of the Silence. . .

[@on_my_own_two_feet]

The piece of this video that really hit home for me was "The biggest mistake that you can make is try to convince an irrational person of their irrationality." That about sums up the dynamics of my relationship with my mother. 🤦🏻‍♀I see now what a waste of my time and energy that whole relationship has been. Dear Lord, I could have moved on to other people decades ago, but I was held captive my guilt and shame she so skilfully instilled in me from my earliest days on this Earth. I still feel guilty at times for 'abandoning' her with her mental issues, instead of smashing my head into the brick wall of her irrationality. But the truth is that harmony with that person would require letting go of my own sanity and accepting her irrationality. There's no win-win in this game. It's either me sticking to being sane and keeping my distance, or me merging with her irrational self, giving up on my own sanity. Turns out, you can't be sane in the company of insane people and feel at ease. Something's gotta give.

[@TrustJesus333]

Dr….why do narcissists make their spouse the one deserving of no respect, care or kindness…while giving those things to others?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You know too much.

[@TrustJesus333]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you Dr. Carter.

[@MarleyLeMar]

Yes, you know too much. You see the chink in the armor, so they project their issues onto you instead of facing the truth. On the other hand, they’re still grooming their supply. See it for what it is and disengage.

[@AmyLSacks]

It's too bad that so much social media really pushes a narcissistic tendency to crave fame, or at least some scaled-down version of it. Not to mention approaching relationships as needing to be transactional all the time. I see these cravings being cultivated in me and I don't like it. :/

[@Dj.D25]

True. What’s funny to me is, most of these so called influencers I see online honestly have nothing really important to contribute. Many of the famous or infamous Internet celebrities are only famous because of their toxicity. Hardly any have a real talent or insight into the world.

[@alexshapiro7275]

I really like the insights from this intelligent man. I too have been burned by having to supply a narissists insatiable cravings. But one thing: Narcissists who are disciplined are incredibly successful in our society, they are regarded as good parents and admired. Only a few people get burned by them. For sure. But it's not altogether black and white. The same narcissist who burns us, may be admired by many. Just look at more than a few of our civic leaders.

[@Alice-fr1ef]

Hello from California Dr. Carter, Gus and the Team Healthy Community. If you feel like something is not right with a person, please do not overlook or make excuses for what you see. What you see is just what it really is. Kick them to the curve as soon as you can. Don't lose your life to them because they really don't care about you and only care about themselves and what they can get from you. They are always one up or better than whatever others say or think. They like to be the center of attention at all times and they are very passive aggressive. I just can not tell you how helpful your videos are to us Dr. Carter. Thank you so very much. Be blessed always.

[@carp7697]

Thanks for this Alice. I have a spouse that I know is a covert narcissist. But it's taken me so long to figure it out. I have been married 37 years. It was happy the first year but not really since then. She derailed my career and my family, my confidence and my finances. I am planning on leaving, but I keep questioning it. It is difficult for me because I'm sort of an empath. I keep thinking that there must be something to salvage but I know better. I know there is so much more to live but I hope I keep the confidence and go through with it.

[@Greenfields-w2p]

Oh my goodness inflicting severe repeated pain & watching the person recurve it & they are obsessed with that they want to to dominate control and have power over;

[@lydiagibas114]

Known for accomplishments even it's them telling you about them over and over again.

[@callalilly1988]

My narc ex peaked in senior high. The number of times I've had to listen to him sing his own praises for high school sports. Or falsified academic achievements. He can never keep that story straight. It's been a decade and a half since we left high school.

[@jonstersmall2716]

We used to call this phenomenon "emotional vampires"

[@hilarysherman591]

Damn. Just had dinner with my dad and stepmom. Could have been a lovely evening. How many hours can you tolerate being passively degraded? My lovely husband and I lasted 5 hours. My dad wanted us to stay overnight but the walls are thin and we can hear them talk s**t about us in the morning before we get up. Why bother? Limit your time because your time on this earth is limited. Make it happy!

[@targetedtyranny4661]

That would be hard to handle hearing that all night

[@barbaraspector6689]

Be busy with something else to do instead of visiting them.

[@kathleenbristol6747]

My husband narc. Is everything that was said in this video! Thanks Dr. C

[@kennethlapointesongwriter3330]

I've also observed that if a narc thinks someone else is improving/growing as a person, or they're complimented or greatly valued by others, then that means/equals the narc is smaller and lesser. Which is a weird idea! Humans are not just about each of us growing individually but also getting better and growing as a species too. How would the planet as a whole ever run well or better if the latter weren't true.

[@christinaculver5678]

Mom hates being with me in public. She is very ashamed of my appearance, Makes her feel more admired. I still live with my mother because of an illness. She requests that I do things for her, because she works…like pay her bill online. Feel used. Sometimes she pretends she doesn’t know how to do it..I know, I’m not stupid. She doesn’t see me as an equal because I’m on disability. Her time is equally valuable as mine. She is not better than me just because I have an illness. I only write about it because I want it to end, unfortunately I can’t afford to leave. I would say it to her face but we can’t hold a conversation because my feelings never mattered since dad left at age one..not my responsibility and I shouldn’t have felt responsible for my mother’s happiness..takes it out on me because she won’t face her own problems. Dysfunction at its finest.

[@turtleanton6539]

Sad. Is there No assisted living

[@christinaculver5678]

@@turtleanton6539 Maybe when I’m a senior citizen.

[@michellehill718]

At the base of it ALL is pure emptiness! Sadly, so true. Dr. C!✅

[@renebernays5774]

they're so worried inside all the time ... most of them hide it well

[@kaybarnes1176]

God bless you for your work to help others

[@xangelmariex]

I love this video, I live with a narcissist and its been 12 years, this video helps break down some bulletins. I'm incredibly exhausted and desperately trying to live without giving him his supply and I think this video is going to help so much. Eventually I will be able to get away but it will be a bit of time.

[@maxwell-cole]

These videos always provide insights that are invaluable. Thanks, Dr. C.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're welcome, Maxwell.

[@robertjohnston8876]

So true I saw and witnessed all those cravings. She was a product of a very dysfunctional family. I hung in for the kids until being discarded🙏 That was the rebirth of my happiness, and I regret staying as long as I did. She was a victim of her cravings and post divorce her whole world imploded. Their life is a house of unhealthy cards.

[@KG-ec4zz]

"They actually crave watching you have pain"...they're willing to embrace evil and gross insensitivity. I pray for the day that this disorder is widely known and recognized, with laws that protect victims.

[@michellehill718]

They CRAVE to use our (Team Healthy) positive attributes for their own personal gain! Absolutely, Dr. C!✅

[@duromusabc]

Yeah you don’t have to go to Six Flags Great Adventure for roller coaster rides Your narcissist is the roller coaster 🎢 The only difference it’s not just on major holidays and summer vacations- it’s 24/7/365

[@wildhorses6817]

A terrifying rollercoaster ride that always crashes.

[@henrykujawa4427]

"The biggest mistake" Late last year, I told my supervisor at work about my 2 home care clients and how I've been watching Dr. Carter's videos for some time to help me deal with them. She asked if I thought maybe it might be a good idea to share your videos with them. A red alert went off in my head-- I KNEW that was not a good idea!!! Although I did mention the word "projection" (about 2 years ago), and my younger client had NO idea what I meant, I have not once mentioned Dr. Carter or the word "narcissism" to my clients. I'd really rather they NOT know what I'm up to on that score.

[@clarecollins2547]

I do so want to be a person of peace. It’s difficult when you started out with a narcissistic mother.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It's a lifelong process. Think of your growth over the decades. Hopefully a person in their later years can look back into their 20's, then 30's, 40's and so on and see changes that have occurred within each decade. Be a lifelong learner!

[@doubleL99]

You're always spot on! Thank you!!! Hi Gus!♥️

[@lambchop6278]

My sister is like a cult leader within my family. She controls my parents, even. It's quite a sick, delusional even system, where her opinion trumps everyone elses' and she is the expert in all matters. Nobody else is really acknowledged as being an equal individual... Except my Father, who is very like her. And they prop each other up and ensure they maintain power and entitlement. My mother and brother totally enable them and even put them on a pedestal. ...I am saving up to move more than an hour away from all of them. Just to have some peace of mind.

[@give_peas_a_chance]

I've had a lifetime of narcs, as I'm sure a lot of us have. First my parents ,then two marriages. Cleared all my obviously narc friends out, which left one, who I've known for 20+ years. It has just dawned on me that she's a covert narc, one of those communal narc types. She does everything on this list. I don't know about anyone else, but because I grew up with narcs it looks like familiar behaviour a lot of the time. I'm only just beginning to understand how completely insane they are, and also only just realising how much of an enabler I have been all these years ( I'm 61). Had so many insights in the last couple of days about narcs and about myself, and this video is particularly helpful. I was shocked to find that I am still susceptible to narcs, and am anxious about how much work I still need to do on myself. But better late than never, and thank God for people like Dr C.

[@clarecollins2547]

I don’t even bother trying to reason with my narcissistic friend. I’ve gone grey rock. But, I am very interested in this. Knowing about motivation/ cravings helps me understand more.

[@marijkevandermeer2772]

A narcissist is a black hole, devouring anything on its path...the attack is not personal...you were just on its path...

[@emilyl6746]

As an intuitive, i repel narcissists and my interactions with them are very rare. Ive always been very perceptive and notice things about people that a lot of people wouldn't and that tends to freak people out. I also tend to be naturally guarded, which I think also repels narcissists. People i know who've dealt with narcissists tend to be a little more gullible in my opinion, whereas I'm generally more cynical and suspicious. I think being able to catch things that dont add up early on is a good way to avoid narcissists.

[@ms.chelseadivine1568]

My God you hit the nail on the head for literally every craving that this person I'm dealing with has

[@julienatoli8561]

Hi Dr Carter 😁🙌✝️🕊️ & Gus ... another EXCELLENT video. Thank you so much for all you do. Yes Sir when people show you who they are, BELIEVE them the first time!!! God bless you Dr Carter ... I am so happy to be on this healing journey with you and Gus! ❤️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks so much, Julie!

[@leilagomulka5690]

Yes. But it feels , maybe I’m wrong, that they get to live the lovely life-while we suffer and must heal from the wounds. That’s the real insanity. Or incredulity…

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

They think they are triumphant, but it's built upon dishonesty. It catches up with them via their own emptiness. I'm pulling for you, Leila.

[@margaretmlydon6910]

They will always be in pain, where as we in team healthy can recover and grow and eventually have peace. Thanks to people like Dr C.❤

[@leilagomulka5690]

@@margaretmlydon6910 thank you for this.

[@CL-lo4wd]

I agree with your statement

[@angelablaney4575]

Leila, it does feel like that but actually narcs living in 'hell'! That's why narc has to destroy their partners! Narc told me he was going to end up in hell because of shame. I know what he did to me and his 2 ex wives!

[@donna-colorado8443]

Dr. C, you and Gus are God sent.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you, Donna.

[@Lovelearn999]

Excellent video Dr. Carter, thank you. Your Keyword = "cravings" is very enlightening. To NOT be able to let go of current version of self, even with honest feedback mirrors proving pain and suffering, and even more devasting with experiencing what "cravings" manifested that constantly destructs with pain and suffering, is due to the "cravings". Refuse to acknowledge change needed and do the change needed = "cravings" No. 1 priority at all costs in life. In relationships with others this would mean we have to understand where are own loyalties are with "cravings" and which cravings. And then where others loyalties are with "cravings" and which cravings. I can see matched or unmatched "cravings" are a big make it or break it in relationships. Thank you, Dr. Carter.

[@donnawoodham868]

If you hang around a narcissist long enough you will begin to see their true colors .

[@maryr9859]

Thank you so much for your videos. They've been so helpful as I've found my way (with the help of a great therapist) through this maze. I'm grateful to know I'm NOT the one who is nuttier than a squirrel turd.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Never heard it put quite like that before. But they do eat lots of nuts, don't they.

[@martinst8764]

Everything you said, so resonant as usual - I'm thinking of a close relative - loved the closing statement.

[@amothergoddess2774]

THIS ONE HIT HOME; I HAVE DISCONNECTED FR ONE SISTER; BUT SHE WAS EASY IN COMPARISON TO THE BIG KAHUNA SISTER; I WILL BE DISCONNECTED FR WHOLE FAMILY, HER CHILDREN AND HAVE NO RELATIVES OR MY OWN FAMILY, JUST ME AND MY CAT, BUT I AM SO SICK OF THE ABUSE I HAVE SUFFERED SINCE CHILDHOOD, I THINK I MAY BE READY, INSANITY IS MILD WORD FOR THE ABUSE HEAPED ON FOR BEING KIND!

[@elcee7800]

You just painted the picture of my ex narc! It’s incredible, Dr. Carter, how many must be out there and you’ve seen them and you know them.

[@natalievitrano8251]

My ex-husband exhibited every one of those insane characteristics. I escaped the lunacy a year ago and have experienced the beauty of a peaceful life away from him. I've learned from a very reliable source that he has "moved on." I am utterly horrified that he will be harming another woman and I can't shake the sadness that this realization has brought.

[@Boogie76600]

I'm out, I've been bitten, chewed up, and spit out too many times.🙂Have a great day, I plan to.

[@fotonomad69]

I continue to my place of peace through your guidance, Dr. C. My resolve strengthened by your wisdom & my growing knowledge. Can’t thank you enough for helping me understand what I’m dealing with. In my case, my only (older) sibling. It’s ugly & includes a physical assault on myself & coercive psychological & financial elder abuse of our elderly mother. I’ve now involved Police & lawyers. My Mum is 87 in a couple of weeks. Im her 100% in residence carer. My brother has not helped at all over a period of significant ill health for my Mum, and is abusing his powers of attorney. It’s a dreadful situation, but I feel empowered to stand up for myself & my Mum thanks to your fantastic videos, of which I’ve watched hours of. So thank you. (& Gus) I know I’m on team healthy thanks to you, and will prevail.

[@slf1889]

Every single thing mentioned describes my ex-husband to a tee....and actually, time these behaviors by 100 and that is how much he is an insane narcissist! I was done with him and his behavior when married to him, but I didn't file for divorce as I didn't want to be without my son who was 7 at the time. He filed Feb 2017 and the divorce was a 15 month long nightmare, and he has been filing petition after petition against me...suing me for custody as I have primary by one extra overnight. He throws out constant false accusations against me to make me look like a bad person and mother. Still after 6+ years, he's still suing me. And he has a way to manipulate and gather others to believe what he says about me. I literally want nothing to do it him but at the same time, I follow the custody order 100%. He still thinks he can tell Mr what to do, that we need to do things together for my son.....he wants his cake and eat it too. My son will be 14 soon and going to high school. My ex has destroyed every ounce of peace for my son and I and he just keeps it going. It's not as easy for me to ignore it as he uses the court system to "win" as he thinks I shouldn't have one extra minute than him with my son. Everyone says I have 4 more years...and that is true but everything I have dealt with, I want him to stop! And the court system is unjust...allows him to sue me over and over. He's accusing me of parental alienation now which is serious. I have not interfered in his relationship with our son....he has done that all on his own. The more I push for my independence from him, the more he pushes forward with suing me and throwing me under the bus constantly. And he's not a good parent...he hasn't paid one cent towards raising my son....just wants the glory of being " father of the year" according to him and winning. This is more than insane!

[@kesmarn]

They do love getting the court system involved, and it's awful when they do -- for so many reasons. They can stress you in ways you could never have imagined. They can bankrupt you. Destroy your reputation. And you're right... the number of court systems that are corrupt and unjust is jaw-dropping. I don't know whether you happen to be a praying person, but I would certainly pray for you if you have no objection to that. There were times when that was the only thing that kept me going!

[@elisabethroos8418]

Thank you, so good to get this insanity explained! This is my sister! Both her children commited suicide! She gave my little brother speed and other subtances when he was 13 years old. Her husband died of hartfailiur at 65, april the 3, and my baby brother died april 29. It was her show with her socalled grief both funerals. She' s so dangerous I' m going to get a secret adress. I invited her to my wedding, she did'nt come, but I recived sms from her that day. Remember death! Thats what she wished for me, still is.

[@mayamathews3576]

So sorry to hear. You invited her for your marriage??

[@elisabethroos8418]

@@mayamathews3576 Yes, she was invited!

[@MrMfaust5]

You're wonderful Dr. Carter. Would you please discuss the topic of a narcissist using an illness, preexisting or new to manipulate the 'idiot' around them, i.e. me?

[@susanking590]

Dr Carter, the more you help me improve... my future ex husband keeps getting worse. OMG Absolutely loves to hurt me intentionally from limiting my food to forcing me to watch golf all day. Torturing me with evil music sending disparaging messages since he can't seem to speak civil to Anyone. All neighbors hate him. God help us all from these children of the devil 🤘

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Goal #1...self care

[@user-vj2sn7vv5s]

# 6 happened to me , The Narcissist Sexually Abused me and he Also on Purpose gave me a STD (Herpes) without disclosing and afterward once I found out about it and started feeling ill , He laughed about it , he was smirking , what a class act he was . He sexually exploited me . and then ghosted me , It took months to get over him , Buth he did me a favor and if he tries to return I canot wait cause I want to let him have it . But I feel God assisted me and I dodged a Bullett , I recently found out he has mutltiple children with soo many women. he has 16 kids without a active father , sadly to say .

[@miss_whipps]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with that🥺. No one deserves to be abused that way! I hope if he ever tries to come back you DON'T let him have it, because it will only feed his ego. Nothing you say (no matter how true) will make an impact on him; he'll only feel smug because you still care enough about him to be angry. It will empower him, instead of enlighten him (as it would a healthy human being). Wishing you the best, ❤❤❤!

[@sharonbrown927]

I couldn't have explained it better! Thank you dr. C I very much appreciate you helping me and others with narcissist abuse!..❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome

[@francesbernard2445]

Thank you for explaining all this to me. Thank you for letting me off the hook when it comes to educating narcissists who have severe cravings. I used to feel like an odd outcast until a Roman Catholic priest told me that only selfish people seek to remarry again during divorce proceedings. He is right. What a different thing to say than what my own divorce lawyer from legal aid told me about that once. I felt so much like an outcast after the lawyer had told me that since at the time I was still believing that going to post secondary schools for 7 years successfully means a lawyer is a better authority to consult with too. I felt like an outcast because I wasn't busy establishing a blended family during divorce proceedings with infants involved too. I cannot believe how well respected that divorce lawyer was continuing to be in Sherwood park Alberta among fellow Mormon church goers while at the time later I found out he was having to go through a divorce himself too.

[@taniamartin6978]

I truly loved my BIL until I called a stop to my MIL's abuse. Yes, insanity was just under the weak facade and I am devastated that this person then became the raging outlet for his mother's sniping and slander. Put someone in a corner when you want to see true character . Insanity.

[@TC-gx3qn]

You said a mouthful, Dr C, the irritational behavior is so hard to tolerate. Blessings to you both and Gus from California. 🐕

[@Rachel-mz8ko]

Although originally repelled by this video (both initially and for a few days afterward), it seemed the message did get through at some level. Now, upon rehearing, it may turn out to be one of my favorites.

[@dinky-diridgy-didge636]

I need to hand write every word you speak and hand it to mums mental health worker when he visits next and say read that!! Drop mic I'm walking away now to protect my own mental health I just can't placate to the lies and BS anymore or keep repeating myself. I'm done!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, protect yourself.

[@susancastner7332]

Dr. Carter has helped me to grasp, more than any presenter, just what I was dealing with in a 21 year marriage to a narc and the 21 years of constant competition with him since. Talk about insane! He nearly made me insane. It's only now that I'm able to see through the lies that were trying to shape my future. Thank God. Lies can expire! I'm born, a born again. I was born again by the Spirit of God in 1971. Now 51 years later, I'm being born again into truth. I was bound, but now I'm really free. Translation: I can expect happiness and real joy. Yay!!🎉🎉

[@schizorap]

"The keeper of truth" Bang on there

[@siriastridkristensen4272]

My Worth is not dependent on someone else. Siri 🌟

[@jordanferguson2254]

Ommmm, shanti shanti, it doesn't depend on anyone eeeeelse 😑🙌 I'm joking, but I'm also being serious, sometimes dealing with these kinds of people makes you do stuff like this. ⁠༼⁠ ⁠ಥ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠ಥ⁠ ⁠༽⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[@florenceayek]

I love the clarity that Finally is coming !!...that you have guided us through,Doctor,thank you,your a Godsend,I can make sense through this hellish doctrine that was unknowinglyvtrapped me. Freedom comes in manyany ways& Your Guidance is running to Freedom of will. God Bless what a insight,never had this happen,new area,but what a ugly experience, you helpbme, & sooo many others. Thanks & peace,Doc..❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased for that clarity!!

[@Geep1778]

Another good point about the 1 ups man ship. As long as you’re in their life you will be the person they allow you to be. It’s always beneath them and any attempt to better yourself is a threat to their self appointed god status. You can never be better than them in any situation w o them feeling a way that makes them very uncomfortable! No you are the worst parts of yourself and don’t you forget it and if you cross this line and believe it the narcissist will either discard you or have a blow up. The uglyness rears itself or the plot thickens as they plot to “show you” in some way that sabotages you eventually. Yes they’re that fucking petty! But hey all you have to do is never outshine the master and your good 😉

[@anthonyleveille1]

Narcissist(s): yeah im harassing you and stepping all over your boundaries but this is how you should handle it.

[@alisonjames8082]

Your dog is really cute! Find your insights into narcissism really helpful and enlightening.