The Journal of an Alien Diplomat | HFY | A short Sci-Fi Story

[@HawkGTboy]

I love that the aliens couldn’t handle human shitposting.

[@yomogami4561]

no one likes trolls when the grown-ups are speaking [and grown-up doesn't have an age: i've know mature 16yr olds i would trust to vote and 60yr olds i don't]

[@FullchanAnon]

​@@yomogami4561 sadly, there are too many people that ignore the one action that could beat the trolls; stop giving them attention!

[@chunglow7646]

Eggzackly Correctamundo.​@@yomogami4561

[@thecursed01]

@@yomogami4561is that trust based on how they consider their actions or votes, or if they agree to the same things as you?

[@yomogami4561]

@@thecursed01 actions. i never ask how someone votes

[@gravytrain8041]

I gotta say the part where the aliens react to porn is one of my favorite parts. 😂

[@HawkGTboy]

“The human female’s face appears to have a reproductive function. The male genetic material appears to be absorbed there and is somehow transferred to her internal gestation sac. Very curious.” 😅

[@gravytrain8041]

@@HawkGTboy 🤣🤣

[@Allantitan]

@@HawkGTboywait till they learn about the guy doing the same to a woman 😂

[@jamerv86]

Where was that…

[@gravytrain8041]

@jamerv86 It's done in a very innocent way. You have to pay attention. Because it's only one sentence. They mentioned the entertainment that must somehow be for lonely humans in regards to procreation.

[@michaellein2389]

This is an excellent story. Possibly the most accurate and comprehensible one I have heard so far. Provided that humanity does not manage to shoot first at everything it does not know or understand.

[@xenosmoke8915]

Given how crazy things were it was probably for the best the vaguely implied extragalactic threats rather than just telling them about the Tyranids flat out.

[@kylehenline3245]

Where you at LOL. Don't worry i'm not just after your delicious biomass.

[@fakshen1973]

22:00 The humans have given up on FTL drive technology... seeing as it will get them no where." That made me laugh. :)

[@HawkGTboy]

All we’d need is to see that it was actually possible. That alone would give us a reason to throw major resources toward developing it. The big problem is that any use of FTL comms or travel creates causality paradoxes. It literally breaks the universe. It’s a bitter pill to swallow but it’s very possible that it’s impossible. We could still colonize the Galaxy though, it will just take hundreds of thousands of years! 😄

[@alidan]

@@HawkGTboy to be fair current physics makes several things impossibly by our current understanding of it that we can visually observe.

[@aymanelkadouri8235]

Launch the rockets fuck FTL

[@assaulthetz]

"We have rockets and Cosmic Sails, FK FTLs." - Common Human spacers.

[@xochipili1]

We could be halfway to stars with "Project Orion" , if not for bullshit politics made by one man. Go Space X.

[@maestrulgamer9695]

2:16-Are your people immortal? 3:10-Yea,humans are more confortable in routines. 18:18-Oh crap.They found Twitter. 22:20-Oh no.Internet toxicity will ruin everything!

[@Boredofmostofit]

"Medical treatment for reproduktive isolation" 😂 hilarious...

[@TheSolidSnakeOil]

That's one of the most eloquent ways I've ever heard it described.

[@DatCrazyBastard]

This one got me 😂

[@zidniafifamani2378]

He talks about p*rn, isn't he?, or it was something else?.

[@glitchquitch]

Hahaha! Sex is so funny!

@@glitchquitch nah, whats funny is how they call out people out

[@EpicNerd]

27:13 "who has done this" *skips to ad* "FRANKLIN UNIVERSITY MAKES IT POSSIBLE!!!"

[@WardGray-yo2mx]

To help @Erin-Thor : Yellow is used a slang for cowardice.Yellow is the most flavourful seems a sardonic way to say 'dont be brash & call it brave.keep a cool head'

[@toddh377]

Good story. I'm not as optimistic about either humanity or alien collectives...but who knows.

[@assaulthetz]

If this would be a reality, where humans are physically and violently superior with the wars and (Playing wars in games) yet barely could sail away from our home planet, that will terrify an Alien species in the entire universe, we as our existence would be a Meme to behold.

[@Erin-Thor]

“Yellow is the most flavorful?” I’m lost, does anyone know what this means? I can only guess that it means “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Help?

[@ericpowell4350]

It's like when a foreigner gets another country's saying wrong. 😅

[@Erin-Thor]

@@ericpowell4350- I get that, but yellow is flavorful? I’m lost. LOL!

[@clothokaftan]

heres my shot in the dark: "yellow snow is more flavorful" (lmao)

[@Erin-Thor]

@@clothokaftan - Eweeee! 🤢🤮🤣

[@darklighter8968]

WAAAAAAGGGHHH! Yellow is da 'splosive color ya git'! Only dems tru boyz con 'precciate dat on dems' tonges!

[@jestertheslacker]

“…constant state of civil war. Over the dumbest things too. From religion to territory.” - - automatically subscribed.

[@wolfoffenris9951]

What did you just say? Your imaginary friend is cooler than mine?, ill show you" *100 jears of war*

[@Dingbobber]

I'm 12 and this is so deep!!!

[@lulu111_the_cool]

Why? He did not write the story's?

[@Paul-A01]

What could be more important to fight over than that?

[@AwoudeX]

territory isn't the dumbest thing: consider this: -rivers provide drinking water and easy irrigation methods, provide natural defensible borders -arable land -grazing lands for cattle In short: living standards are not a dumb thing and they're defenitely based on what you can provide for your people and often enough those things were in too high demand to share.

[@SeaScoutDan]

Aliens discovered the Comments section.

[@stevenreneau268]

😂

[@leolordful]

My only critique is on the estimation of our militaries capabilities in regards to space combat. Especially the navy. While it is true that, for the longest time, our navy did not possess the ability to effectively attack exoatmospheric targets that is no longer the case. Our navy has demonstrated the ability to shoot down mid to high earth orbit targets when it shot down an out of control recon satellite in 2008. Even when attacking an interstellar target ground/sea level assets will always be necessary.

[@martyschrader]

Not all SF authors have a good grasp of military history and force projection. Ya gotta cut this guy a little slack.

[@leolordful]

@@martyschrader I seek only to inform, not criticize

[@yomogami4561]

interesting story. it will be interesting if it continues world building ps just know ftl exists and watching ships enter the system and leave will give us all the clues we need

[@Raz.C]

I suppose you can tell us how such a thing is physically possible, then? I mean, heavier-than-air flight and faster-than-sound travel both _seemed_ impossible,_ but they weren't beyond the laws of physics. They were just beyond our capabilities, which is VERY different to being physically impossible. If you "know" that ftl exists, it must be because you "know" that it's physically possible - ie - within the laws of physics. So please" Share with us this knowledge. You don't have to tell us how ftl works, just tell us how it's possible for ftl travel to exist within this universe.

[@yomogami4561]

@@Raz.C just knowing it's possible would be a big help

[@austinharris2961]

​@Raz.C maybe we just haven't figured the calculation right. There are many theories about FTL and how it could function but we have no way of knowing, testing, or developing it due to our limited understanding of the wider universe. We are an infant, comparatively speaking, to the universes age. And even now we find out that the universe is far older than we thought. By a billion years at least.

[@kylehenline3245]

It worked for the G'wo in ringworld. In reality we don't have devices that could give us meaningful infortmation on FTL, because it's completely outside our current understanding of physics. Also reverse engineering isn't that simple, if you sent a nuclear reactor bak to the 1800s everyone trying to dissasemble it would die of radiation poisoning trying to take it apart.

[@tsm688]

@@Raz.C heavier-than-air flight never seemed impossible. we have this thing called birds

[@deatherutts]

Just started watching last night great interesting stories

[@bartoszmoczydowski3173]

there was a war over a cow.

[@georgehopper7310]

USA/ Canada, 1859 The Pig War in the San Juan Islands.

[@pablolongobardi7240]

And one over a bucket

[@drussarn]

I like oversimplified to 😂

[@JohnGrandline]

Good animal

[@chadrowin2956]

Hence the saying 'Holy Shit'

[@petepal55]

Dragging a huge asteroid into Earth orbit... a very convenient option for eliminating humanity if it's deemed necessary, lol!

[@JohnGrandline]

Humans try to survive even if against a meteor

[@SilverCyric]

0:38 Nope! We just love making alien invasion flicks 😂

[@sneakylemon8513]

"Medical treatment for reproductive isolation"??? 😂 is that the most polite description of porn I've ever heard??? 😂😂😂😂

[@Lulph]

Or adds for Viagra… 🤭

[@nineblackgoats]

Whatever this guy is getting paid for doing this job, it's not enough.

[@nesapanjalingam704]

Thank you 💐🌺💐for all your effort & the time you put in when uploading this. It is really truly appreciated 🙏

[@Paul-A01]

Its really weird how a captain and seasoned diplomat don't understand that the hoi polloi are loud, unthinking and best left ignored. Their jobs involve ignoring errant comments for the greater purpose of the mission.

[@standard-carrier-wo-chan]

The problem is that they are not random comments left on social media platforms, but actual messages sent directly to their own comms. It's like someone saying "I will kill the president" on Twitter vs giving a physical letter straight to the presidency of the same message.

[@wolfyblackknight8321]

if I can offer a slight counter point in perspective. the alien captain and diplomate might not have the full context of "those are just the less official masses and don't represent our official stance on things" from the perspective of them all they know is they keep getting messages from earth and without the understanding of how the government is configured and conducting itself they don't exactly know if the official governments are banging for blood and the earth diplomates are full of hot air stalling, for time. or if the diplomates are being honest and are sadly to used to the vocal masses trying to make a mess of things they don't understand, and haven't thought out pass a gut reaction thats more likely to make things worse then anything. in short are the diplomates really the ones acting in an official capacity or are they just a band of outliers trying to keep the "officials" from interacting its not an unreasonable confussion without the benifit of the 4th wall letting us clearly see the whole picture at once

[@traceybrown2399]

There was another option besides destroying the human home world or letting them join the confederacy. Niether, just reject them saying that they obviously weren't ready as a species yet to act on the galactic stage

[@jakubw.2779]

"it's outrageous, it's unfair"

[@arkadian2917]

Would have probably made of humanity an enemy for eternity, and you don't want humanity as an enemy for eternity

[@SwedishNukes]

"from religion to territory" and also that one time because of a bucket

[@ellorasg4525]

Nothing is more attractive than a bad idea lol

[@MichaelKeeney-td4jd]

more its such a good story and the way u tell it i can see it in my head clearly

[@mikeschnobrich1807]

I wonder if this isn't how our first negotiations with artificial intelligence will go?

[@arcdecibel9986]

This was kinda confusing because the alien diplomat both assumes that everyone in a species is the same, but doesn't assume that others would think the same way. He has to learn that over the course of the story, which begs the question "How tolerant could these aliens actually be?" Apparently, they're just set up that way as a monolith, which is poor writing.

[@lordsathariel4384]

in fairness tho if you look at most species on earth they don't tend to have tribes they tend to operate on 1 individual survival 2 family unity survival or 3 species survival so it could be that we as a tribe based species are a abnormality in terms of sentient beings meaning our insane level of fractured divide could easily be unimaginable to someone who's species and who has met plenty of other species are all operating on the same wavelength so it could be they are incredibly tolerant but have never met our equivalent because most wipe themselves out.

[@VentOutEyes-Channel]

Was that the red car Elon sent to orbit that crashed into them😅

[@David-hr5ml]

I loved the nod to the first ammendment

[@richardgraham5314]

Don't eat yellow snow It's just a joke🤣

[@EELLISON2012]

I like the perspective. It is different. Stay different!

[@blackstar8999]

This was a good story 8 enjoyed this

[@Erin-Thor]

I’d have given it a 9 myself. 😎

[@Werebat]

I don’t understand what the “ultimatum” the diplomat forced on them was. The asteroid had already been taken care of. How was the fate of humanity in their hands?

[@crizman7032]

the asteroid wasn't destroyed, it was redirected out of earth's path and is just floating there. knocking it into the sun was the alien's plan, humans nuked it away

[@americancaesar6065]

While that asteroid was taken care of, earths atmosphere was full of drones hauling asteroids to orbital refineries. It wouldn't be too hard for the Aliens to knock one or several out of alignment and wiping out or severely harming the planet before humanity could react in time.

[@sillyking1991]

the asteroid wasn't gone, just not a threat. it was in orbit around earth

[@tankmorebed3331]

The asteroid was deflected into a low earth orbit, the ultimatum was to: drop it on us and punish the 1 who poisoned the ambassador, let us live and deal with it ourselves and refuse our entry to the galactic community, or let us live deal with it ourselves and continue negations.

[@CoreyANeal2000]

The ultimatum he placed on them wasn't threat. But that the public didn't have as much of an understanding. He placed them in a position between the public and what they both knew. This he created a situation where the public was pressuring them to make a decision in the favor of humans. He bargained on knowing the prejudices of his own soceity.

[@francescozanzottera3381]

All the incident was stage. From the asteroid to the poisoning

[@tsm688]

the asteroid surely. the poisoning, I doubt he wanted to die

[@MorrowidAddic]

This could be a movie.

[@_xean_50]

Erm. Were entries 15 16 17 and half of 18 skipped intentionally?

[@MsDogleaf]

I did not realize that maybe?

[@klappstock943]

For the Algorithm the story and the voice 🎉

[@PsychoticusRex]

Babylon 5 reference at the end there or am I projecting?

[@ntal5859]

Yes you are projecting as Babylon 5 was shit, this on the other hand is enjoyable.

[@jamesu1540]

​@@ntal5859no one was referring to your life, don't feel bad, give your mom her phone bad and go back to bed

[@Landon-vx4bn]

​@@jamesu1540he have the right his opinion you act like a mother hen

[@Zaluskowsky]

@@ntal5859 WHAT?

[@tadasdovii8262]

26:52 "novichok" again? Ot tea with polonium?

[@Runeforged]

Wonderful story :)

[@maestrulgamer9695]

0:23-Well,yea kinda.

[@theredrighteye4380]

When Aliens find the internet 😂😂😂😂.

[@Liminalism-htp]

"Medical treatment aimed at those suffering reproductive isolation" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@paulojorge1997]

What software do you use for the tts?

[@xetothex]

there really wasn't much a story to this one was there? or is it just me?

[@mosasa1307]

idek tbh i lost track of it lol

[@Mojangles_]

That was a good story😊

[@UniverseUnfolded]

Loving it

[@jamerv86]

How is the later parts entries? Sounds like ramblings.

[@kirkulate]

Brilliant! Damn humans.

[@OldManRocketLeague]

Anyone know what's the name for this AI voice?

[@TheIronBear290]

I hope we can all unite one day and push to the stars

[@utarefson9]

Uniting humanity is easy. You all just have to follow my ideology and mine alone without resistance /s

[@TheIronBear290]

@@utarefson9 yea no

[@zerospace101]

I love how the future enshrines free speech and are anti censorship lol

[@anonygent]

*martial... not sure why "marshal" (rank) is being used for "martial" (military).

[@lozzar1069]

Yellow is flavorful veiled threat with yellow cake maybe?

[@MartyMclovin-y9z]

Yellow ..it's a spiritual thing when u practice meditation and certain other tcniques u begin to see and feel things differently like sometimes I see the grass breathe .trees are ticklish .things like that so if they say yellow Is flavorful then it must taste nice lolo

[@davidlong7062]

Yellow? Is that a stargate reference?

[@nativeafroeurasian]

Why does it sound similar to the US coming to Germany post war and then including them in the NATO against the Warsaw Pact?

[@wayneresper7761]

This is scary on how we most likely will respond.

[@bobspeigel9455]

slag is the waste from a forge

[@Lumberjack_king]

21:43 lol I mean true

[@gregwunderlich4253]

Love this kinda shit 🤟

[@MsDogleaf]

Yea it’s pretty good

[@ssilent8202]

I don’t like this story. Hate of the unknown is wha has kept us all existing for the most part. It is not something to be shed or dealt with like a tumor.

[@bnd2nd]

Fear of the unknown kept us alive. Hate of the unknown kept us from learning. Stay in your nearest bible belt and leave the rest of us civilized people until you understand the difference.

[@drsadiqshaikh7028]

good story

[@ZERO-fg9wx]

I'll rate the story a 7.5/10 this would be a 7 or 6 if its wasn't that long, I've seen better but still a good story

[@antarcticmoongiant2691]

My alian homeboys said they stay far away from earth due too humans love to bbq everything

[@Korraganitar]

That ambassador... I do not like him.

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Some form of medical treatment for those who suffer reproductive isolation, aka Pron.

[@markwoodral5873]

The narrator? Computer?

[@X2X011]

I always dislike the stories where the ones in power look down on the average pleb human, who is rightfully telling the alien to piss off. Why would we want to join a galactic community when we don't have FTL, more importantly why are they even contacting a civilization that doesn't have FTL and is still fractured into nation-states. The correct response from humanity should have been "cool aliens" come back in a couple hundred years when we find you.

[@RicWalker]

Because people telling the peaceful Aliens to "go back where they came from" are simpletons that cant think long term. the earlier you are part of the wider galaxy, you can influence decisions. you can ease the way forward to the day humanity as a whole caught up to the rest of the galaxy. if you told them to piss off, in the possibly hundreds of years between now and then, the galaxy could have changed without our influence in a way that war would be the only option left if we ever hope to colonize another planet. And getting technology handed to us by new friends is always better than to have to figure them out on our own. So our leaders do the right thing to diplomatically say to us plebs: "shut up, the adults are handling this"

[@lulu111_the_cool]

So when humanity is dead?

[@l.scales7516]

once we've entered their space domains we might prefer that they don't come back once we have the means to take any contact away from our 'home base' & find a non- conflicted , congested, civilian adjacent or otherwise potentially combustive location wherein to indulge in social congress & meeting of minds & cultures.

[@Kesvalk]

while it's a good story, it's not really HFY.

[@Helliconia54]

is it AI dictation? or just bad reading? Punctuation is way off and annoying

[@l.scales7516]

I play these back at 1.75x speed with captions on , in my head, the actual alien could sound like gurgles or or farts or whistles or crunchy sounds, therefore, the automated & yet somewhat personalized as the point of view is obviously from a continued contact with an individual with a personal interest/ concern as to the end result of the event!

[@Camber126]

Reproductive isolation. An incel joke?

[@steelbear2063]

Anybody who calls territory a dumb reason for wars doesn't know shit about real world

[@Filterdissman]

I find this story disheartening. The future is so uncertain.

[@TheEpOorklep]

cool story

[@maxjjackson]

'reproductive isolation' lol!

[@jackwiththeears]

Wait. The ambasitor caused controversy, and he’s rich and a smooth talker? Naw we did not make trump the human representative.

[@williamsstephens]

Of course not. He's the opposite of smooth and rich.

[@sjb3460]

There is hope for humanity at last!!!!! There was no mention of the Kardashians or Trump!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@ethancrowe280]

god I hate fake voices so much

[@XwaYdesu]

Nah, rich people are largely just not that intelligent.

[@dsloop3907]

Fyunnch (click).

[@hakichiki]

#TheMoteInAGodlingsEyeRemovedAtLast.

[@Leon1Aust]

Putin is at it again.🤣

[@purpledevilr7463]

Hard dislike of the ambassador at the later half of the story.

[@purpledevilr7463]

If he says it’s human nature to be tribal and disagreeable, then rails against an intolerant upbringing causing the xenophobia. That it is his belief that goes against what it is to be human. He is the aberration. And he wishes humanity to not exist.

[@Fender5621]

Enjoyed but stopped listening when just after the Amabssador said to NOT give FTL to humans, the Ambassador wanted to trade to get a working FTL device to reverse engineer. At this sudden change in the story I cannot listen to the rest where you may keep doing this. Sorry. Wonderful up to this point.

[@ericpowell4350]

I'm convinced the entire planet would have to become like North Korea before being able to deal with a first contact event.

[@clothokaftan]

let me guess, you're a north korean sleeper that tries to sway public opinion to your side for your own selfish gain? sorry but that tactic is quite old and both russia and china's sleepers are perfect examples of its failure.

[@Erin-Thor]

Hated?

[@darokdeed]

Useless and inept?

[@userprime1907]

Not bad for A.I.

[@jacobmosovich]

Ambassador Elon Musk lol he would be my first choice

[@baird5682]

I bet it waw russian tea that killed the ambasador

[@BiniyamAbrha-k2x]

On the power On El shaddia Eluhem Adoni Ahched schema Israel El roi On the power On St Michael On the power On St Gabriel On the power On St Mary On the power On St Paul On the power On St Peter On the power On St John On the power On St Jhon the Baptist On the power On St betrelmeyos On the power On zekyous On the power On tadiyos On the power On Timothy On the power On St George all the immunity ufo bad gode will be in the middle in volcano forever Amen

[@MakerofdumbYouTubevideos]

This was a wholesome video

[@VentOutEyes-Channel]

Workers who work with Car tired Rims .. the Metal polishing them .. wow 😮 they have been killing without notice all the men including my Father 🧘‍♀️🪽❤️🪽🇲🇽🪽❤️‍🔥🪽👑👁️🫵🫰🫴🕳️👣👹👺☠️💯 #ComptonCaliLove Fiero Carril Railroad development