The Most Embarassing "Pick Me Boy" on TikTok

Today, we look at a TikTok account that has some of the hardest to watch videos I have genuinely ever seen. Buckle up.
previous video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/o6CcY35ohdZ2a68
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outro song creds:
www.youtube.com/@prodgoostavo
www.youtube.com/@dadood3652

[@amarylliscalendula4645]

He’s either auditioning for the latest Hallmark movie or he is on drugs. Or a serial killer.

[@jacksylander]

D) All of the above

[@silenttera666]

Or a complete, utter, idiot.

[@p-__]

My farts are better than August’s farts 💨

[@weebiiluu]

it's all 3 tbh 😅

[@TA_33]

Even Hallmark is not this bad.

[@CandyCane2004]

He looks like the kind of guy that you should cover your drink with when he’s around

[@Heyitsme23676]

Fr

[@desante12637]

He probably drinks on a empty cup.

[@LadyVenus125]

True.

[@p-__]

My farts are better than August’s farts 💨

[@WobblesandBean]

Oh, without a doubt. Every time you see a guy like this who tries way too hard to be like "see ladies, I'm on your side!" he ends up being a total creep/sex pest.

[@Raven74408]

For any woman who is young or naive; if someone is that intensely fawning over you when they hardly know you, it doesn't mean you're special or hot shit. It's a red flag that indicates he'll be abusive or possesive later on. Real life isn't a romance novel. Normal people shouldn't feel that intensely about someone they hardly know.

[@koderamerikaner5147]

Not all guys with obsessions or limerence are abusive. However, it does mean they have some mental issues which they're likely relying on you to fix. Not all of these are dangerous, but could stem from trauma. This is also partially a psychoanalysis of myself, as I've been limerent and obsessive naturally. Psychologically, people who fawn over others that way usually undergo a process of "crystallization" as described by the proto-psychology writer Stendhal in his book "De L'Amour". The mental illnesses that usually cause this can be completely different from person to person, and it needs more introspection than assuming the worst. It could, of course, be an indicator of malice, but not always, and arguably moreso not in most cases. It also goes saying that, if you are a person who exhibits limerence, not only should you seek therapy or psychoanalysis but beware that you're way more vulnerable to manipulation and abuse than you think. I've been through it all myself. This also applies to women, not just men.

[@CaptainHieronymusLex]

I dont think he is abusive, I just think he is underf*cked and needs some action 😂

[@beatnik6806]

That dude is living in some most corny, cheesy teenager romance movie ever 😂

[@victoriagilarranz6804]

​@koderamerikaner5147 It sounds like you're getting help for your issues and trying to better yourself. That's really commendable. It is, unfortunately, very common that this behavior is a precursor to abuse. I'm lucky to have survived what my ex (who was like this) did to me, so I'm pretty bent on using this second chance to advise young women to RUN from this kind of behavior.

[@koderamerikaner5147]

@@victoriagilarranz6804 Yeah, I get that. It's just that I obviously don't want people to treat me as if I'm a danger over something that's so engrained into my mental state. I don't believe the condition is in itself problematic, but rather that it heavily indicates being mentally ill, and people with visible mental issues tend to have less visible underlying traumas and issues that may be problematic. Plus, it's been turned against me by a woman to groom me in the past, so I kind of wanted to humanize people like me. I'm still not quite sure how to think of that and if I'm even truly a victim of anything, but that's a whole separate can of worms.

[@cassie.m.0723]

The physical acting in that bit where he's like "and then we'll dance our socks off" looked like a scene out of American Psycho, and I don't mean that as a compliment

[@keyv4007]

you're so right.

[@aliahmedbanoo69420]

To me, it reminded me of pennywise dancing the cotton eye joe

[@milliman4]

That's what happens when you learn your social skills from watching Twilight

[@Smiley_Face_879]

LMAO

[@nerdstop5025]

I IMEDIATELY thought of the "your smell is like my own personal brand of heroine" line XD

[@RochelleLong924]

And bridgerton

[@xxlittlekittyjess666]

Lol

[@lordblanck7923]

​@@nerdstop5025😂

[@Dootsmama91]

My sis is obsessed with him. She is in her 30s, pray for her.

[@badpunker68]

😂😂😂

[@roshnirajan7193]

OMG bro😂😂😂

[@BedPotato786]

Show her this video NOW

[@Raethiance]

Yeah but it makes sense bc the lines he reads are exactly what they put in young women's romance novels...

[@EyeHeartSUSHI]

He's is fine as hell so I understand. Your sister gets it. ❤

[@Snakelady-]

He sounds like a poorly written romance novel.

[@siyahseeker]

Or a poorly written fanfiction. Especially the "lemons". Don't read those about your favorite characters, okay? You'll regret it...

[@codyramos3200]

Mr Garrison romance novel level...

[@Amy_the_Lizard]

Exactly!

[@marlirium]

Colleen Hoover male love interest

[@Markyajv]

Is there a well written romance novel? Asking for a friend.

[@ginger_nspice]

He's trying to do some manic pixie dream boy bullshit. And it's weird.

[@nonprofitgirl]

Very.

[@p-__]

My farts are better than August’s farts 💨

[@PUCCl_]

@@p-__ LEAVE ME ALONE

[@rdf274]

"Maybe I should tiktok enacting things I randomly think in the shower, or before I sleep." While on coke

[@samrtherat]

I was wondering how to describe it

[@eerohongisto821]

He is the type of guy to give affirmation to every woman saying they "choose the bear over the man", while simultaneously thinking he is different than all the other men.

[@SweetBabyJesusOnTheCross]

"the bear" isn't that a big, hairy, gay dude? why would she want a gay dude?

[@superstarstudios8395]

“Garrett, what THe FuCK are you doing?” Might be the best quote of all time, especially when it comes to August.

[@MimiAmi6]

The pissed off comment had me rolling

[@dbyspae122]

4:55 timestamp

[@BoyToastOfficial]

I wish any of my friends watched August so we could use the phrase in random situations together but if I ever reference it it'll be way to obscure but it's funny tho

[@skullkiller-ki9iz]

Read this as he said it 😂😂😂😂😂

[@CitznSnips]

He keeps using really creative ways to say "I wanna wear your skin over my skin like a coat." The look in his eyes when he's talking about "melding souls" and "getting as close as physically possible" and "being in your space" is not a look of love. That guy wants a new suit.

[@tiredteen8906]

Exactly, more like 'the fly' body horror than anything

[@mariabrown6926]

Silence of the lambs tease

[@CasualGamerGirl77]

Was looking for the funny comments instead of the seal barking. You nailed it! Funny stuff.

[@BarkinMad_]

“It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose” vibes

[@Ev3lyn.so.s1lly]

Leather-face reference?

[@Shredneck92]

I'm a dude and I will cover my drink around him.

[@JuanEnriqueFloresJr]

Same here. I would NEVER trust a guy like that. Or a girl since I’ve had experiences with both.

[@pyp2205]

I honestly wouldn't want to be around anyone like him.

[@JuanEnriqueFloresJr]

@@pyp2205 Me neither

[@CarloBenevissi]

😂😂😂😂

[@Leannomali]

Same

[@hellradiolives]

"My skin burns for you ..." Chlamydia?

[@alexisandbillclerico15]

Hahaha... Ikr? I'm sure if that's the case, he should probably see a doctor.

[@reganwolf4405]

😂😅

[@thesimpcardd]

LMAOOOO

[@UsernamesForDummies]

I think he’s constantly auditioning to become an actor. He’s so over the top. He probably thinks he should have been cast in every romantic drama blockbuster of the last decade.

[@walter3075]

Bro yes

[@salvadorromero9712]

He is. I remember him from military news media pieces on him. He was the big male military thirst TikToker--the rest were women of course--in the early days when the military didn't know what to make of it all. Used to pretend he had a sexier job in the military than he did and everything; huge joke. But, while some of the regular current TikTok boys will do some minor romantic-scenario "sketch" material, usually silent posing, with some self awareness to farm thirst (and I think even that trend is passing), seems a few of the aging-out thirst trappers have now got it into their heads to try to actually use the platform as a sort of reel to demonstrate their imagined acting talent and hope for a career. They are always terrible and become a meme and joke across the Internet, and not in a way that particularly helps even their engagement. I think this guy actually had a great singing voice, as seen in a video where his poor cat acts very stressed by his use as a prop. Don't know why he didn't make more of it.

[@niveknanorc7316]

incredible cringe !!

[@dailydoseofchrist2688]

Same vibes

[@HateshWarkio]

I wouldn't classify that as a "pick me" That has the vibes of that suave TV character that is actually a stalker, secretly a serial killer and probably a cannibal

[@brynnesantos9817]

"Hannibal Lecter" to the tune of "Jason Derulo".

[@Fennic-Fox-Games]

He’s the new Dahmer in disguise

[@blvalverde]

She goes "Your carburetor is effed up" and he answers with "Date me". Damn, bro must be a pain at a mechanic shop.

[@JadedBelle]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@Gasicat]

My but hole smells better then August's

[@dalishrogue3621]

“I trust you” 😊 “I’m infatuated” 😐 “I’m obsessed” 😕 “I want every ounce of your soul to blend with mine” 😟 “I want to use every breath I have to get as close as I can to having you to myself” 😰

[@godsire6217]

🫨

[@TheLastEgg08]

Get me the FUCK out of here, it’s UNCOMFORTABLE.

[@sheisabellutz]

My honest reactions LMAO

[@AceJackWagon885]

*I want to wear your skin*

[@SouthernRam]

that mf speaks like a vampire

[@framerate1494]

His grandma probably said he was handsome one time and he let it go to his head 💀

[@Eveyrttt]

😂

[@romantic_hippie]

I think he's handsome, but I also think he's trying too hard and looks desperate

[@William_Afton2002]

I never realized someone could take their narcissisim so far 😂😂😂

[@Dan_Animation]

he is pretty handsome

[@AshleyBubbles27]

Omg that is so lame 😂

[@wht-rabt-obj]

Women do NOT want to hear 99% of this. Seriously.

[@ziphy_6471]

Omg women dont want an overly obsessive love sick guy?

[@brynnesantos9817]

As a woman myself, you are absolutely 100% right.

[@potatoisgoodnotacherry]

​@@brynnesantos9817as a man, be careful around your drink the next time you go to a club, because I will be there. .. Did that make you cringe?

[@brynnesantos9817]

@@potatoisgoodnotacherry it did indeed.

[@potatoisgoodnotacherry]

@@brynnesantos9817 brilliant. Going to try that irl now 😀.

[@_CorruptCXndy_]

As a girl, If a guy acted like this to be I would be genuinely horrified

[@Fennic-Fox-Games]

It’s best if us woman carry around pepper spray from now on.

[@chaewontheworld]

as a woman, women don't like this. would not recommend doing this like, ever.

[@boxoid5230]

as a human, humans dont like this. would not recommend doing this like, ever

[@Kensuke22]

As an alien I do not like this...

[@scottanderson3751]

I’m prebiotic slime-I don’t like this ✌️

[@Sirlance3000]

Im a deep sea ocean dragon (Mitheltroneadon) and I do not recommend this.

[@chickenosaurus_rex]

I'm a weird mythical chicken dinosaur hybrid and I do not like nor recommend this.

[@GenX_files]

I had to teach my daughter when she was around 11, she's 17 now, that there's no such a thing as "movie love" that's not how it works, it's not realistic and to not expect anything like a rom com to happen irl. Looks like someone needs to have the same talk with this dude

[@ncapone87]

You do it, take one for the team

[@Kensuke22]

you try have a small talk with him.. I'm sure he would listen to you....

[@Jacob-od5yo]

Lmao just because your a sad hopless loser dosnt mean everyone is. All but one couple I went to high school with is married and has kids.

[@whimsicalfay]

@@ncapone87joined 17 years ago? Damn

[@ncapone87]

@@whimsicalfay what difference does it make?

[@WobblesandBean]

Every time you see a guy like this who tries way too hard to be like "see ladies, I'm on your side!" he ends up being a total creep and a sex pest. Edit: 6:00 Aaaand confirmed. She said no dude, that's not your cue to pester her over and over until she says "yes" just to be rid of you.

[@CassTYGirl]

💯

[@eileensnow6153]

He’s literally quoting Transformers, that’s why the lip bite/weird face is so strange. He’s poorly imitating an already creepy thing Shia LeBouf did in a movie 😂 Edit: this makes it worse, not better. I’m not defending this creep lol

[@WobblesandBean]

@@eileensnow6153 Ha, don't worry, didn't think you were. But that makes it so much worse! Who tf thinks Sam Witwicky has rizz?

[@eileensnow6153]

@@WobblesandBean EXACTLY. I could see Danny Zuko or something, but that gangly dork? Please…

[@rakantopinibl5736]

Yeah

[@Tzedakah263]

None of what he's described or acted out is love. It's obsession/worship, which are huge red flags when looking for a partner. Love isn't about finding the person you're with is perfect, that's just unhealthy.

[@MichaelKocha]

This guy's the embodiment of "I'm 14 and this is deep"

[@TheOfficialTarynTots]

He's like a dude who watched Bridgeton and tried to scam some of the lines from that and other shows but they dont work in reality.

[@kerrichristian7991]

This is very accurate

[@TheMacabeak]

I was hoping someone picked up the Bridgerton-lite lines!!

[@p-__]

My farts are better than August’s farts 💨

[@kg0672]

im stealing this insult from you

[@Amy_the_Lizard]

I was thinking YA fantasy romance novels myself, but that works too

[@rinoz47]

A demanding pirate? "Arr, pick, me boy!"

[@p-__]

My farts are better than August’s farts 💨

[@Quinnthespirit]

“Aye, me lad! I believe that’s what land folk call ‘cRiNgE’”

[@Big_RandyTM]

@@Quinnthespirit “Spongeboy me Bob! I’m putting you in my CRrRrRrRrRrRrIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGE COMPILATION!”

[@Quinnthespirit]

@@Big_RandyTM “not the compilation! What will Mr crabs think?! 😱😱”

[@rinoz47]

@@Quinnthespirit land LUBBER

[@acenathan33]

the unfortunate result of living around yes-men/women and getting all your relationship/sex info from ao3 fanfictions

[@thepovdweller]

Ao3 catching strays💀

[@mama_quartz]

I'm 39 and every "RUN." instinct I have is going off. He frightens me 😰 I'm 8½ years into a loving relationship and our honeymoon phase never stopped. If my girlfriend said the things this guy is saying, I'd be backing away. Real love is quiet. It's two people being comfy together and existing both as individuals and as a whole. Love is support and acceptance, kindness and gentleness, trust and belief in each other. Me and my girlfriend one day can be laughing and pissing about all day, but can also engage in parallel play. We are our own people separate from each other but also a single unit. We also never fight, because we talk through our issues as adults should. I've been in several abusive relationships (all but one were men) and the things this guy is saying are putting up so many red flags and setting off so many alarms like.. Jesus Christ. Please, *PLEASE* stay away from anybody who talks like this!!!

[@complexrobb4528]

You cant like both male and female sounds like you are confused mate

[@protagiswatching]

​@@complexrobb4528 nobody wants to hear your homophobia bro go away 😭

[@mama_quartz]

@complexrobb4528 nice bait, not falling for it. If it's not bait? Then I feel bad for you 😥

[@protagiswatching]

@@mama_quartz ik this doesnt relate to you specifically bu i replied to that weirdo too and now i cant see my comment ? can you not see it either cause now im wondering if it got deleted 💀

[@kdkdkdbdkddn3]

​@@mama_quartzhe is right tho, at that age you should know what you want

[@justamanwithnoplan9364]

The unholy combination of pick up artist and theater kid

[@AbriellaHall-jk6dh]

"The entire date will feel like a ray of sunshine hugging your skin" that's great I'm incredibly photosensitive

[@SewardWriter]

I feel this. Got my first gel polish today, and the UV curing process gave me mild sunburn. Nails look great, though.

[@homemadeluty3590]

This mfer dropping some molly in her drink if she's gonna feel like that

[@siyahseeker]

This guy sounds like those awkward fanfictions who are written by people that have a weird, twisted view on romance. Like...the guy in the relationship has a firm hold on what the woman gets to do. Almost like she's his pet. It's misogynistic and obsessive. There's no way around that. You can be in deep love with someone (it happens), but to be dramatic and acting like you will DIE if you don't get with someone OVERTLY, and to someone who you don't really know...that'll get the police called on you for sure. Also, keep your fantasies to yourself sometimes, and private in the bedroom. Not on the internet, man!

[@musicinthewildwood]

OMG yessss 😆

[@arnold8746]

This guy makes me rock hard. Moist, the moisture is just moist as can be. Slowly dripping oozy moist

[@Aperson355]

It’s like a fanfic by a 13 year old posing as an adult

[@ohhReina]

Either written on Wattpad or pretty much any Colleen Hoover novel.

[@Creativekylie]

@@ohhReinaI was gonna say Colleen Hoover!! Lmaoo

[@sparhargrett7947]

August if you’re avoiding cringey vids like the plague then you must not know how much you need to avoid the plague.

[@cookie5535]

that explains the buboes

[@p-__]

My farts are better than August’s farts 💨

[@sparhargrett7947]

@@p-__ Oh shoot man, I remember you from the xQc video! What’s with the fart thing?

[@sydneycloud5930]

@@p-__if your farts are truly better than August’s then you wouldn’t have to constantly comment it

[@davef21370]

Can picture him sniffing women's hair at the bus stop.

[@Dovah_Slayer]

He also without a doubt steals women's underwear

[@Malcopme]

My ex used to say this kind of shit. He cheated on me with like 4ish girls. My husband likes my cooking and tells me I'm cute a lot. One was obsessed with how women perceived him, one didn't care how anyone perceived him. The former is a person who is playing a character, the latter is completely transparent with nothing to prove. Stable and confident men don't do this shit.

[@pandemonium_in_a_person]

1:12 We’re getting a restraining order with this one ‼️

[@p-__]

My farts are better than August’s farts 💨

[@3CatsInATrenchoat]

​@@p-__ #bringbacktheduck

[@Your-avarage-pasta-enjoyer]

@@p-__who the hell asked?

[@OsDijider66]

​@@Your-avarage-pasta-enjoyerlet the bot cope

[@musicinthewildwood]

OH SO VERY TRUE 😵‍💫

[@balancingthedark]

TikTok is a weird place full of all kinds of things that used to make people d*e of embarrassment. If this were the 90s, this would be private video camera footage that somehow got found by a classmate and leaked to the whole school for ridicule. It would never be forgotten. Even years after graduation, it would still occasionally come up in conversations as a storytime about that one poor cringey boy who got socially annihilated in high school. Now, people just put this stuff out into the world on purpose... and they're not even good at it. 🙈

[@MersuneLiku]

we really need to bring shaming back into fashion

[@will420high4]

Exactly! I miss people being able to feel shame haha now look at this, this reality now

[@Mr.H0LLYW00D]

That's what happened with that star wars kid who recorded himself doing his lightsaber tricks! The bullies found it and posted it to humiliate him

[@Raven74408]

You explained why I can't stand tiktok as someone who grew up in the 90s. It's just full of people who have no sense of shame or embarrassment because it gets them internet attention.

[@Theunicorn2012]

Tiktok is a weird place full of all kinds of things that used to make people d*e of embarrassment. If this were the 90s, this would be private video camera footage that somehow got found by a classmate and leaked to the whole school for ridicule. It would never be forgotten. Even years after graduation, it would still occasionally come up in a conversations as a storytime about that one poor cringey boy who got socially annihilated in high school. Now, people just put this stuff out into the world on purpose… and they're not even good at it. 🙈

[@corvardus]

I actually recognise this guy from his cat torturing days. He must be diversifying his portfolio.

[@corvardus]

kzbin.info3voVRzCkz-0

[@parrotstories]

Innit, who’d of known he had such a wide range of

[@william_suitcase]

HIS WHAT NOW

[@squigglywiggly2943]

Woah I did NOT know about that

[@theplatitudefromouterspace1686]

​@@william_suitcase yeah, his channel was originally him holding his cat, who didn't want to be held, and singing loudly/badly, until the poor thing mauled him. It was his shtick for ages.

[@MonolithicCyanTsunami]

Had an ex like this, but with a lot more fake DID joker type stuff. I just had so many alarm bells ringing in my head, I was certain he’d kill me and blame it on a psychotic break, so I broke it off and got out. This man gives me a lot of the same vibes, and he’s the cat guy. The cat guy is the guy holding and singing loudly at his cat who wants no part of it and then attacks him to escape.

[@justwaiting5744]

I thought he looked familiar.

[@SerenityRamos]

Just hearing this beginning clip already wants me to jump out of a moving car 0:04

[@smexygrass]

Frr

[@_Twilight_.-.anime_.-.weeb-]

Alastor?

[@Sar-ahG]

I know a couple guys just like this… try hard paired with a little creepy - they really don’t think they did anything wrong and usually hate the women when she finally blocks him

[@13lilsykos]

I knew a guy like this back in the early to mid 90s... He wore a black trench coat, which back then was cool, BUT he ruined it by bringing girls roses... ANY girl got a rose... and he always tried to kiss their hands. It was... odd. At that point, I'd never dated anyone and was really desperate for a date... and I didn't even want him. xD

[@Theunicorn2012]

I know a couple guys just like this… try hard paired with a little creepy -- they really don’t think they did anything wrong and usually hate the women when she finally blocks him.

[@Sar-ahG]

@@Theunicorn2012 are you a bot? Why copy and paste my entire post?

[@sussyhilda]

i only saw this "pick me guy" for the first time now. he has horrified me already. thanks for the wild ride, august

[@p-__]

My farts are better than August’s farts 💨

[@gamespc-zi6zo]

im 5 seconds into the video and i have trauma already, wish me luck.

[@CAT-2323]

I’m glad because even though it’s just not a good insult at least it’s being used for being girls and boys so it’s not as sexist

[@OsDijider66]

Mmh, yes bro same.

[@Swedishfisk113]

12:55 he keeps moving locations while talking to this woman and all I can think is that she's trying to get away from him.

[@Unstoppable_Unicorn]

😂😂

[@joshuafreshney1206]

She's not doing a good job.

[@Smiley_Face_879]

LMAOOO

[@sctkarter1111]

Dude studied chick flicks, anime, and corn videos, and thought “I’ll just combine these to become the ultimate ladies man”

[@vand_alice]

I'm so sorry bro, I usually finish your videos but I literally can't look at this guy for another second😭

[@BriannWhitee-du2gy]

It’s like a “how to be a creepy simp” tutorial

[@siyahseeker]

Step 1. Think about sex all day. Step 2. Objectify women. Step 3. Butter them up with compliments and acting dramatic. Step 4. Be as obsessive as possible. Step 5. Do NOT do any of these things or you'll get a restraining order filed against you.

[@MersuneLiku]

Too late for step 5 since he already has a restraining order filed against him

[@siyahseeker]

@@MersuneLiku It’s for any impressionable people to learn from.

[@danielx555]

I immediately clicked off as soon as the first video began. Then, slowly, I picked up the remote and stop screaming and I realized that you're right. This is unusually disgusting. It's his eyes. It's everything about him.

[@nonprofitgirl]

😂

[@entezami777]

He’s just a soft fuc-boy

[@zooz6096]

FRR

[@roll3886]

Yeah it's not really cringe so much as terrifying because he sounds super obsessed, especially not taking no for an answer and all but demanding she be his.That's not cute, that's not attractive, that's just scary. No woman wants that.

[@SydneyStewart-d3f]

Yeah especially the video where he goes after an engaged woman in her car and starts spewing some psycho shit. Imagine being in that situation, trapped in your car while a dude you broke up with is saying he desperately needs you in his life no matter what, that is like one of the scariest situations.

[@Mixing-up-Media]

10:31 My parents own that lamp in the background. I now need to burn it.

[@sunfirefire45]

"My lungs..." You were just running really fast.

[@st4rsapphire]

self-awareness was such a wonderful era💔

[@warwarneverchanges4937]

The RED FLAGS are all over this guy even without sound

[@merylbonderow5993]

He’s the cringiest potential stalker I’ve seen.

[@katiemilady197]

I have an ex who literally talked just like this guy to me every day. It got so gross and was a MAJOR turn-off. Let's just say that after we broke up, I had to get an OFP against him due to stalking. Ladies ( or dudes) if you see this kind of behavior, RUN!!!!!

[@dalilium]

yeahh its cringe af bro like GROW UP URE NOT IN A MOVIE. then he cheated on me but oh well i dodged the whole tactical nuke

[@Fudgeanimates]

Ya. I feel like some of these "sayings" and stuff aren't bad... On there own. Like, reserved for special moments, like wedding speeches , or a song, or even a poem. Not a everyday thing.

[@dalilium]

@@Fudgeanimates those are actually fine... the "i gonna kill the whole world for you", "no one can't see you but me"... those are not it.

[@Fudgeanimates]

@@dalilium Ya... I feel like those should be kept to evil villains and not for quote on quote "good guys". -_-

[@Terri_MacKay]

I have one of these creeps in my past too. Not only was it gross and off-putting, but it felt so stifling and suffocating. I don't ever want to mean this much to someone. I don't ever want to be with someone who absolutely can't be happy unless he's with me. I want a partner, an equal...I don't want to be someone's emotional crutch. After I broke up with him, he stalked me online for 2 years. I kept deleting my social media accounts, making new ones, making them as private as possible, and he still figured out ways to contact me. It all suddenly stopped, so I checked out his Twitter and FB (this was 12 years ago), and, yep, he was talking to another woman the same way. Hours of tweets and FB posts about how much he loved her and couldn't live without her. Saying, literally, exactly the same things he had said to me. I contacted her, told her about him, sent her screenshots of some of his messages to me, and then left it up to her to decide what she was going to do with the information. She dumped him and thanked me. I wonder how many other women have been the "woman he couldn't live without" in the last 12 years. Some people are absolutely terrifying!!

[@kongfogee]

“I’m a bit jealous over a text from a guy at work so the only solution is to eat your 🐱”- most sane thing August has said since the start of his edgy era

[@ROYALRAT123]

Please I hope he's doing satire 😭🙏

[@aunteggmaniac]

he's the kind of guy that makes you put on a hazmat suit when he's around.

[@siyahseeker]

Or the Varia Suit. Samus would definitely need to.

[@kiingblue]

​@@siyahseeker She def needs the phazon suit for this one, you can't convince me this man isn't irradiated as fuck

[@Dovah_Slayer]

Nah nah nah you put on Samus' Phazon suit and cover your drink

[@akshakur3962]

4:46 literally made me uncomfortable as heck. Like sir wtf are you doing? Stawp “FOR THE LOVE OF GODDD!!” 😭

[@Kruhee]

"I'm infatuated. I'm obsessed and I'm captivated by you. I want every ounce of your soul to blend with mine, because I'm beyond selfish when it comes to your love. I want to use every breath I have left on this earth getting as close as I can to having you all to myself." 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 This is what a poorly written serial killer says in a horror movie.

[@bluejellybeancos]

He thinks he’s in a wattpad fanfic but in reality he just comes across as a desperate weirdo

[@tiredteen8906]

Its giving "step into the fusion generator with me to become one ungodly abomination to never be seperated again"

[@Sirlance3000]

Add six more flags just for the things he likely thinks but we don't know about.

[@Kruhee]

​@@Sirlance3000 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

[@Sirlance3000]

@@Kruhee There we go!

[@2008_honda_civic]

Bro thinks he’s Romeo l💀💀💀💀

[@tiny-demon-frog]

10:09 That sounds a bit too much like a parent if I'm being honest.

[@literallyfifi..]

That’s so true lmao

[@alwaysamongdragons7354]

Oh boy...see. "You can't marry him because _I_ love you" is such a fundamentally selfish view on what love is. Has this guy ever heard "If you love someone, let them go"? Where, in applied this case, if you truly cared about someone's happiness then you would want them to be with who makes them happy, even if it isn't you? Begging someone not to marry someone they love not because you're concerned for them but because _you_ want them is selfish, because it is about _you._

[@maidenreligion12]

Nah, it's "I know you don't love him" because you know so much about the person. It's not just selfish, it's even a bit narcissistic. They couldn't possibly be happy with the person they're going to marry, they're going to be so much happier with you! The delusional romcom plot.

[@koderamerikaner5147]

There's not a single human decision that isn't selfish. Love is intrinsically selfish, as well. The difference is, it's good when the selfish acts are mutually beneficial and not parasitic.

[@DoktrDub]

Yeah but I could pick out 100 more quotes that is way more unhinged than that

[@Terri_MacKay]

You hit the nail on the head.

[@BelBelle468]

@@koderamerikaner5147 and then we have to start asking “what is selfishness”? Is it desire? Are desires inherently evil? Aren’t desires normal? How bad is selfishness?

[@ProjectLolaTheTurtle]

Fun fact: he did this to a real woman on a date, and for the first time in his entire life, he found out what a restraining order is. Another fun fact: If you look up why the government banned tiktok this mans account will immediately show up. Thank you for reading!

[@OsDijider66]

He's such dark

[@p-__]

My farts are better than August’s farts 💨

[@ProjectLolaTheTurtle]

@@OsDijider66 Uh- weird..

[@amandae5165]

Had to find some way to sneak in the self promotion

[@sharihazlett3774]

I totally understand where a restraining order becomes part of this.

[@GinGingerbreadCookie]

“I’m infatuated, I’m obsessed” HELP.

[@left-2-write28]

"I'm calling the police"

[@GinGingerbreadCookie]

@@left-2-write28 FRRRR 😭

[@midnight3630]

This guys started out with singing loudly while holding his cat. The cat obviously wanted to get away as it was squirming to the point of biting and scratching him, but he wouldn't let it go and kept singing. That should have been the first huge red flag.

[@antonthambiraja8762]

"People are aware of what they post......" my god this aged liked milk

[@Scarlett-sp1xq]

tbh he was never like this, he just used to film thirst traps and be shirtless with his cat. he would wait until his cat scratches or bites him and then sing out loud for some reason, idk what happened to bro

[@Lemon10.5]

That’s so weird h thought anyways

[@lestupidunicorn]

yea i could swear it was him but i was like no way how do you just go from cat videos to This

[@asatraven4752]

oh myy god, now i remember him😂😂😂

[@filip6994]

yup, joey b toons covered him

[@Kenya_Berry]

Saying love is staying with someone after seeing their worst sounds like an excuse for being abusive, basically saying people who leave their abusive partner don’t know how to love

[@cocoa3202]

It’s giving booktok 💀

[@Fairygirl-1111]

Fr!

[@raxio8369]

Every alarm is blaring in my head. This guy is waving every red flag Dexter taught me to look out for.

[@briannalafrance8383]

12:30 that freeze frame got me

[@umbrellacorp.]

I believe when the woman who thinks she's dating a ghost named Rupert she imagines this. 😂

[@phaedrapage4217]

😂😂😂😂😂 Yes.

[@pyroaeris3817]

Or man lol

[@umbrellacorp.]

Even when I was dating I never behaved like him. It's just creepy and obsessive.

[@JuanEnriqueFloresJr]

Yeah. This guy takes it way too far acting and thinking that real life is like the movies when it isn’t.

[@siyahseeker]

Like...dating is all about friendship and bonding over TIME. This guy acts like he's got weeks left and is therefore DESPERATE to get laid.

[@p-__]

My farts are better than August’s farts 💨

[@feraltaco4783]

I was pretty leg beardy in my teens but sweet mother of mercy this is next level.

[@feraltaco4783]

​@@siyahseekerhe's acting like the world is ending in a week and he must feel the touch of a woman before he dies.

[@kadethewhistle]

nail on the head with "involuntarily gagged" i was NOT prepared

[@blepleb]

"love is seeing the harsh side of someone and still choosing to love them" sir that's not love you're thinking of stockholm syndrome

[@diswhoiaml3470]

7:42 I'm waiting for him to say something like, "Ma lady." Or "I want to make you feel like a princess."

[@mleeeem]

this is like the yassified version of the hey babygirl dude from like 10 years ago.

[@JuanEnriqueFloresJr]

I kind of remember that. That guy was weird.

[@prognogg212]

He’s filming himself having mirror conversations but there isn’t even a mirror

[@SillygirlyMegan]

10:53 you know what else this pick me boy needs desperately? Help

[@willnewell9242]

the funniest part to me is if he were normal he probably could have a nice functional relationship with a pretty girl but instead hes making weird videos on tik tok spouting nonsense and making women avoid him imagine he goes on a date and the girl finds these lmfao

[@vixstert.5642]

He comes off creepy as all hell. Not feeling pick-me, more like incel vibes coming from him. I'd think this guy is a stalker, possibly even a serial killer, and he's going to stalk and/or kill me.

[@kimicappiello5480]

I'm less than 3 minutes in, and I am, once again, highly impressed by August's perseverance with making these videos because I would rather chew my ears off than go through the internet LOOKING for this kind of material. Almost makes me miss Kay's cooking! 😅

[@Floviah]

My guy has been reading too much Colleen Hoover 😭

[@0pt1tr0nD27]

“Did you make it out unscathed?” No August, I did not. I broke my back from cringing so hard and now I can’t walk.

[@SkinnyBonesAaron]

I’m a skeleton, but I feel more dead

[@ty-foon2842]

This is what happens when someone reads too much Shakespeare and is a little too obsessed with Twilight

[@tb4546]

Literal serial killer energy

[@zooz6096]

as a woman, he scares the shit out of me

[@crackheadadventures]

7:10 "I gotta speak my truth." Yes queen please do cuz we're all thinking it.

[@monkeybench]

He is 100% single.

[@berttykb5147]

9:10 can’t believe I’ve made it half way thru. My Brian is rotting

[@wilsonolc8562]

the fact you said “Brian” (idk if it’s intentional) made me cackle 😭🙏

[@geekelly000]

Oh no, not your Brian! 😂

[@LuminousChameleon]

real, my brian ain't looking too good either😰

[@despain8726]

what is love? love is patient, love is kind idk why people intend to make this complicated

[@misskittencakes57]

Fun fact he has another account called Garrett and Ivan the cat and that's how he started out getting known on tik Tok and those videos are fucking hysterical because he sings like Opera style and his cat obliterates his face every single time

[@mxlmr]

I THOUGHT I RECOGNISED HIM

[@serenavanbeusekom7996]

Yaaass I came here for this comment. I loved his cat vids. But lately it's bad skits all over his channel.

[@-SagesLife-]

NOO THIS IS THE SAME GUY?? NOOOOOOO WHY COULDNT HE JUST KEEP THIS CRINGE VIDEOS IN PRIVATE

[@gazepskotzs4]

Cat abuse and you liked it? Okay....

[@misskittencakes57]

@@gazepskotzs4 wtf are you even talking about. The cat abusing him? He doesn't abuse the cat you dolt

[@Ziimp]

Imagine being outside walking your dog and you see this man in his backyard talking to himself 😂

[@TangleHamain]

3:16 LMAO the song sounds like it says: "Ah- I'm shit!" I THINK THIS IS PERFECT, OMG-

[@TaruOwO]

10:45 It's giving Yuri from ddlc and even she did it without being this cringey. No, seriously, read this and imagine him making a tik tok saying it. It feels like I'm going to die if I'm not breathing the same air as you... Doesn't it feel nice to have someone care about you that much? To have someone who wants to revolve their life around you? But if it feels so good... Then why does it feel more and more like something... horrible is going to happen? Maybe that's why I tried stopping myself at first... but the feeling is too strong now. I don't care anymore! I have to tell you! I'm...I'm madly in love with you! It feels like every inch of my body... every drop of blood in me... is screaming your name. I don't care what the consequences are anymore! I don't care if Monika (August the duck) is listening! Please, just know how much I love you. I love you so much that I even touch myself with the pen I stole from you. I just want to pull your skin open and crawl inside of you!

[@sirshauniv511]

TikTok has rotted the world, what more needs to be said?

[@jod6cindy]

Something is wrong with that guy. He seems dark, conceited, totally self-absorbed, and desperate for widespread fame. I wonder if he'll make it.

[@ratillecebrasquedubitantiu4451]

A man that talks like this unironically is dangerous to be around.

[@visabelic]

The wide eye dead stare this guy does is literally making my stomach turn. Dude is scary 😭

[@scarletblaine6166]

My body is also forcing me to recoil. Yikes. So, so many...yikes.