The New Frontier of Sex & Intimacy | Dr Sue Johnson | TEDxUOttawa

Nouvelle frontière entre la sexualité et l’intimité
Bestselling author of "Hold me Tight" and "Love Sense." She's a clinical psychologist and professor, and the creator of a new type of relationship therapy: emotionally focused couples therapy. She has also trained thousands of therapists around the world.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@steffijmusic]

I wish the audio and lighting were half as good as the exceptional quality of her TEDx Talk.

[@Sisterlisk]

Absolutely the most spot on TedX Talk I've heard in forever. I felt like she was putting into words something that is so obvious but that I had never heard expressed before.

[@tommac21]

Absolutely wrong. This is just her view on it. She can't speak for everyone. What's good for me doesn't mean it's good for you. There are no experts on either subject

[@barbarascoggins5239]

You have saved my relationship by both of us reading both of your books & having my partner & I understanding EFT! Thank you so much Dr Johnson!

[@tommac21]

That's sad it took her to do anything. Now your living as someone your really not

[@livelyfuture1199]

I learned about attachment theories many years ago and it is a great way of feeling emotionally engaged to a partner and to children. I can highly recommend giving it a try.

[@naomioyler]

Wow. Awesome. Thank you for this talk.

[@stephenpitkin5492]

Gorgeously poetic ending!

[@shikhavats7898]

Thank u very much Dr Sue Johnson for sharing this i am highly obliged

[@BobF510]

I'm captivated by the depth and richness of this material. A book with parallel content reshaped my worldview. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint

[@jessy1ification]

Very important subject with much needed information thank you Dr. Sue Johnson!

[@bes1batch1976]

Yesenia Llerenas hi there

[@marcoantoniohernandezmarin4595]

Serious wet

[@marcoantoniohernandezmarin4595]

I'm wey for u alltaem.

[@JAKEAWAKEOFFICIAL]

The audio is awful. Hard to hear it as you have to turn it down because it has so many distortions.

[@terresahwang5753]

Wow I’m just starting to dive into your work. Resonates completely with me!

[@tommac21]

You'll be very disappointed. No one can teach either of these subjects. This is only her opinion. There's thousands out there wit the same bogus credentials who will tell you something totally different. There are no experts here

[@eb3279]

Sounds like she has a solid understanding of healthy relationships and women. It's good for us to learn to understand our female mates so I'm glad I gave this a listen. I think she knows very, very little of men's sexuality, though.

[@victoriamartin6883]

Loved this! Makes sense.

[@tommac21]

There's absolutely no definition for love. It may mean 1 thing to you and something else to me. I don't get how anyone can just take her word as gospel or anyone like her and believe that that's the final answer now everything will be perfect. Nit how life works

[@AndersBlirupWorm]

Fire that audio engineer.

[@dug33404]

That needle's hitting red the whole time!

[@WaterTimeLapse]

it was probably live quite okay, but the recording engineer indeed messed up. most likely there was none. It was just the camera guy sticking a line in a mic input. thats usually creating problems..

[@JarcoPenning]

Its Butch Vig's panel settings on territorial pissings.

[@mirnuren]

Brilliant, thank you.

[@foreveryoungpisces7426]

AWESOME!! ❤

[@damienwilsonwilson361]

Thank you for the talk Dr Johnson, I enjoy your talks and work. This sense of safety before going into adventure and thrill sexually i believe is not just a woman experience. I feel that that statement was quite gender bias and would happily offer myself up to the same brain scan to test this. As a gender fluid man (feminine/ masculine balanced) a lot of what you reference to a woman's experience I experience in the context of love sex and intimacy forplay with men and woman.

[@dawajdopokojukamila3727]

Ania

[@walkinloveonpurpose9496]

True

[@shikhavats7898]

I love it

[@hcrise1]

Make love endlessly, not perpetual war

[@gooddaddy205]

Moroccan rabbis knew about atoms in the 17th century?? That really is amazing!!!!

[@worldwithoutwar8622]

Greek philosophers before Christ spoke about atoms . . . they considered them the smallest particle whatever that was . . .the building blocks of the universe, that "had to be there" even though unseen.

[@worldwithoutwar8622]

What I was trying to say was that Plato and Aristotle believed that if you keep cutting up something smaller and smaller, that you would not be able to cut forever . . . that eventually you would reach the smallest possible part of the universe, and this they called an "atom"

[@dotamaze]

Was she ever in a longterm relationship or it's all academic? How many times she got married ?

[@diannatroutt5967]

She is in a long-term marriage.

[@blazenjames9449]

I'm over,it!

[@worldwithoutwar8622]

Gawd Blimey Ash! I was not in the least being condescending. . . I do not know why you took it that way. I was merely saying what I think is true, my perspective: that something that has already been viewed 176,000 time is rather "Out There" . . .especially compared to so many other very important communications, ideas, etc. from important people which merely get a few 100 readers/listeners. Don't take things the way they were not intended.

[@taelorroz2800]

?

[@reveredirreverentreverend5306]

Sex really isn't her strongsuit. Relationships, yes, she's at the top of her game. But her sex rhetoric has hints of American culture's marriage-mania and is very alienating to a lot of people. Let me explain. Again, most of the talk is fine, she's a master of understanding how people stay connected, and her EFT protocol is the standard for couples therapy. "Safety" is crucial in sex, yes, kinksters agree with the married vanilla folk here. But passion having to do with a longing for connection - no, that's an oversimplification. Passion can have to do with healthy high libido, it can have to do with an obstacle between you and someone you desire. It can be completely absent between two people who are very connected, or very unconnected. It can ebb and flow in all of the above and plenty of other situations. I harp on it because it's a damaging oversimplification, as it confuses people who feel happy in their marriages even when they're not having much sex, which is very common, and people who have great sex outside of long term relationships, which is also very common. As to oxytocin - we're not always filled with oxytocin when we "think of our sweetie," married people know that better than anyone. And "the best sex and most thrilling sex in long term relationships" - that study does not exist. Plenty of other studies find that all kinds of cheating sex and 1-night stand sex and stranger sex can be very thrilling and gratifying for people, but really, ask yourself, why bother comparing? There's technically not a good scientific way to compare those two kinds of sex; no, scientists haven't recently watched married people having sex in a laboratory and compared them to strangers having sex in a laboratory, looked at their oxytocin and dopamine levels during and after. They haven't had 1000 individuals get tied up and flogged in a laboratory and compared their oxytocin levels to 1000 couples who've been together 25 years while having sex - or anything of the sort - which is how we could make those kinds of statements with confidence. She's drawing on survey data, which is so subjective, and I'm quite certain she's not drawing from a large or comprehensive study, as it would be widely advertised and a game-changer. So making that kind of statement exposes an agenda, not a completely unreasonable one. Sue Johnson has built a career helping people who are really aiming for that 50-year marriage, and she's among the best in the world at achieving that. And aside from the points I'm focusing on, it's an excellent talk. She knows clearly that having an close bond can lead to awesome sex, and that's empowering for people in LTRs to know. But for those who have had great sex outside of LTRs, or those in LTRs with no passion, she's just perpetuating a dated romantic-era message that continues to drive up infidelity and divorce rates. People can feel very "safe" outside of marriage, and thus have very passionate sex accordingly.

[@elia.1951]

Very well stated, thank you!

[@bubbagene145]

Revered Irreverent Reverend I love you. 😁 I am someone in a soon to be marriage who is not having a lot of sex (yet meets my partner and i's needs) and is very happy. We are very connected and passionate and dont need to "hump like bunnies" as society has said is required.

[@JAKEAWAKEOFFICIAL]

Yes, look at how old she is. What do you expect?

[@putheflamesou]

Ah yes look at her age ect ect....Look at the audience age.......what is wrong with this picture

[@franceshaertling5335]

Revered Irreverent Reverend you said it so well. She's speaking about people in some sort of weird emotionally perfect relationship. How common is that? I'm in a LTR I'm not always so happy about. She has very limited ideas that don't take into account the myriad of types of people there are and many different kinds of relationships people have. I even did marriage therapy with a very experienced eft therapist and it didn't work at all.

[@dipankarmallick5543]

understandable but who gurantee the world...ppl are about what they are of...

[@jeffs.3348]

If this video has 98 dislikes, then I'm not worthy to be on KZbin at all.

[@mikebrits2204]

"Did you turn it on? You did?"

[@Lisarata]

Here's a piece that I wonder about: Some people are never given the idea that erotic play is an acceptable thing.

[@valarauka6611]

it isn't

[@mofoshrimp]

While she does make some good points, in my experience many people are turned on by LACK of safety....danger, risk etc. Especially women! Often times women will pick the guy who is NOT the safe choice, especially if they just want good sex. Many women are stuck in very safe, routine relationships, have almost no desire for their partner, and end up cheating with the dangerous, unpredictable guy. So her theory should take that into account

[@watching99134]

That can be explained as manifestations of counterphobia and/or rebelliousness.

[@SeagullB]

feeling safe is not only in a relationship. there is an entire group her research skips;people who feel safer alone then with other people who can die or leave or betray trust. relationships are over rated because the research is biased towards supporting long term relationships by providing false" facts"

[@digitaldeepak21]

Good advice for women. Bad advice for men.

[@mymusings1293]

Why is it women always speak of sex and relationship from their perspective and expect men to indulge them, but seldom if ever explore or come to terms with the male perspective. It's almost always one sided. Tiresome.

[@alisilva8676]

Because of history and rapes maybe

[@lyliavix4366]

@@alisilva8676 what kind of answer is that?