The REAL Reason Why People Reject INFJs

INFJs are often rejected by other people, but why is this the case? In this video we cover one of the main reasons that INFJs are rejected. The good news is that by withholding your amazing gifts of intuition and help, you can avoid much of the rejection in your life.
Instead of sharing your insights with everyone, make sure that the people you help are worth your time. When you do that you have more energy for those in your life who appreciate your talents and personality!
If you would like more information please visit The INFJ Circle website:
www.theinfjcir...
If you would like help finding out what personality type you can take the test here:
www.16personal...

[@espressocoffeeshine4346]

I find what you said here to be very true: "INFJs generally don't like being friends or being in relationships with people who dislike the truth."

[@INFJcircle]

Yes, I believe it's nearly impossible for us to be friends with people like that. Thanks so much for the comment! Jay

[@lnaph]

And other people don't like to be friends with people who assume that are always right about everything... and leavw no room without judgement when people dotn see and do exactly as their perception tells them is right...so it is even. 💁🏽‍♀️

[@dalelerette206]

I just deleted one 'so-called' friend back on March 19th, 2023. He would often ask for things and seek friendship. But when I needed things he was never to be found. Or he would have an excuse why he could not do it. One time he even casually insulted my wife. I took umbrage and noted many medical risks to being overweight. He deleted me and I peacefully did not hear from him for about three years. I tend to be very passive and very helpful. Yet he considered me a dumbass that he could use as an enema. I just prayed for him in those years. Then in 2023 he had a terrible heart attack. He sent me another friend invite. I reluctantly accepted it because he had a bad heart attack. The only thing I respect is when people reciprocate genuine kindness in proportion to what they are gifted with. I have a LOT of gifts so I give a LOT of gifts. If someone I give to does not have much, I do not expect much in return. We need to reciprocate energy in proportion to what we are given. But he seemed to have the same “vampiric” attitude so I removed him. Some silent prayers of love are like a hidden prophecy fulfilled.

[@espressocoffeeshine4346]

@@dalelerette206 Yet sometimes people are given a bag of marbles, something they don't need and are not that grateful for. Yet when they ask for something they need, they are rejected for not being more grateful for the bag of marbles! I get it that people can only give what they have. But it's odd no one has what one needs or if they do, it's priced a bit beyond ones means. People will give you a hamburger. But when you ask people how to make a hamburger, or worse yet, to help you make a hamburger. It's a whole different story! Charity is odd, for often it comes with expectations that make it more a trade then charity!

[@dalelerette206]

@@espressocoffeeshine4346 But that is a facet of true perception. Some people have a 'distorted perception' of the Golden Rule. They only give to those who reciprocate the kindness. This distortion isn't bad. But it's not as good as the 'pure perception'' of the Golden Rule that gives out kindness freely without expecting reward. Reciprocal love is when we feel great freely giving our energy to each other. ❤

[@Kenji802756973]

I cannot believe that I didn't think of the concept that other personality types "don't have a strong desire to help others". I naively thought that most people looked out for one another. Also "their desire is to belong within certain social groups", I knew of it, but didn't know it was that important. I've spent my life avoiding these pretentious gatherings. Mind blown!

[@reynacrow1496]

So wish this had been articulated to me early in life!

[@Scorpion_Light_Bringer]

Same. Now I can see their existence is dependent on these social gatherings and clicks. It caused meltdowns and complaints during the pandemic when I couldn't relate! I was over the moon with zero traffic and not having forced conversations at work. This explanation also sheds light on when someone clearly needs help or is hurt, and no one steps up to the plate unless they feel guilty or compelled to. I've always been torn between being more outgoing or staying to myself. Now, I'm finally learning how to balance that thanks to this channel.

[@Coneman3]

Yeah most people are basically very selfish. They only care for people who they select or are useful to them.

[@Paris-gl1pm]

I agree, listening to these videos bring realizations that seem common sensical, yet elude me until hearing them from someone else.

[@chrislim7976]

Why do people like or feel comfortable telling us problems but don't want solutions. Its come to a point I don't want to now anymore about anything.

[@starseed45]

True. So many people have said I'm a great therapist (maybe all infj s are) and I know that I am and I only want to help. Not control or even connect just solve their problem and move on. When I have the exact solution (my life experience with this has proved it) and they cut me off from calmly solving their problem I have to laugh. Who's the loser here? Let them be

[@chrislim7976]

@@starseed45 Thanks for at least making me laugh a bit.

[@starseed45]

@@chrislim7976 😂

[@chrislim7976]

@@Marochka We do provide comfort but we also tell people things they don't want to hear or face.

[@willowvee5844]

As an older INFJ, I have learned people that have difficulties with the truth or knowledge, have a great big red light on their head! Just walk away and don't enter into close dealings with these emotional vampires! It's the best lesson to learn!

[@bonnie_gail]

amen

[@susmateja]

"Never try to teach a pig to sing, it wastes your time and it irritates the pig." This is really the hardest realization I've had, and you've outlined it well here, thank you. I annoy people by trying to make them see things they don't (want to) see. It feels like rejection and it hurts a lot. There are so few people one can be honest with, sooooo few, and the paradox is, they are not really the ones needing any help 😄

[@INFJcircle]

The people who need and “want” help are indeed rare. The good news is when can save our energy and not waste it on those who don’t want our help. I love the saying, never heard that before! Jay

[@iartol]

I have heard this wonderful quote from Robert Anton Wilson, and I do think of it frequently in situations like this. 😊

[@Rugz-smoke]

I’m doing the rejecting now

[@latetotheparty184]

I have a hard time restraining myself from opposing obvious BS and lies. It's partly a matter of pride. As I age I am a lot better at holding back.

[@stefgoh6160]

😂@pig karaoke analogy. I won’t have trouble remembering that!!!🤪🤣

[@annatetiad.4991]

I like your analogy of x-men because INFJs are honest to the core. I always say to people "I will tell you my thoughts but be careful what you ask for." The biggest lesson is in knowing that you can only truly HELP those that want it. We have to let people do their own work. The older an INFJ gets, the more refined - like wine, we improve over time.

[@dvdgalutube]

So true! The older we get, the better and quicker we figure out if a person truly wants advice or just a pair of muted ears listening to them venting.

[@stefgoh6160]

I am in no hurry to help people who don’t wanna be helped. But I am in a hurry to protect victims like myself from injustice. Crime n punishment. If someone I know does the crime, I will expect them to do the time. At least I am honest.

[@Tracinicko0110gmail]

I swear I broke down and cried when I heard this , I've been struggling so much and not knowing why people don't like me , and all the other things you mentioned.. I have found no one like me , I do like being alone but I get tired of having no one to talk too... I had a kundalini awakening 4 years ago and I am changing becoming different then the rest of the world and I don't know why me , I am so sensitive I never go anywhere hardly , stay home and be creative , my art and dog is where I am happy

[@remhk6672]

Had my kundalini awakening 2008. I've been going thru people not liking me since that moment. Your art and your dog will help in your spiritual expansion and awareness.

[@johnnycorn7225]

Yup, home art and dog is heaven, as I snuggle my lab here

[@YagirlM]

Friend, that’s the occult. It can bring infinite destruction to your life. I pray you find God. I didn’t listen for a long time and I’m blessed to be alive because of it. It almost took even my life, it did take everything else.

[@johnnycorn7225]

@@YagirlM If there was EVER a comment to listen very carefully to it's this one. Do not underestimate playing with things you don't understand, just DONT. Wish I had listened too and thank God for my survival as well.

[@DonTrump-sv1si]

Ill be your friend.

[@kyurei4478]

The saddest thing to me was to discover some people don't believe someone could genuinely care about them as much as we do. And because of that they make us suffer by accusing us of being fake while the reality is much simpler and we genuinely want to help them to succeed. There is something so tragic about this fact that people create their own loneliness based of simple assumptions and pessimism and this need to stay on guard to avoid to suffer.

[@osiris8519]

Hmm. I think that's always the case for kind folks. Others see them as fake nice and bullies envy them and want to cause chaos. I'm done giving anything to outsiders other than facts. The parasites only want to take and take once you show any kindness. Family or not.

[@kyurei4478]

That's true. But at the same time, I understand the suspicious ones because some parasites will indeed fake being nice just to use them and make them suffer. It doesn't change the fact that it's very tragic tho cause the current pessimism pushes them to think everyone is like this and nobody has genuine good intentions. It's very weird and grim to hear others say you're fake and criticizing you for being genuinely nice, like the world is upside down. This current era has completely lost faith in something genuinely good. Some envy use for staying positive despite everything to evacuate their own frustration. That's exactly why I don't give up and won't stop giving no matter the envious and suspicious ones, to prove them wrong. The fact that I exist is a proof there is hope. If I have to be a lighthouse in the night, I will be. This is the only way you can change people's mind and change things, to prove them you're real and stay strong. Otherwise I consider we have no right to complain for the world's state if we do nothing ourselves to change it, day by day. And concerning the parasites, I don't give them the satisfaction of changing for them. I keep on giving as I would do for anybody else to show them they have no power over me. If I'm nice I'm nice, I don't care if they stay a parasite, but I'm not naive about what they are, and maybe they'll reconsider their attitude. I continue doing MY good deeds, but not for them, only because It's the right thing to do.

[@Weamthebestever346]

I just hate unhealthy infjs

[@kyurei4478]

@@Weamthebestever346 Who likes unhealthy types ? Lol.

[@kathyborthwick6738LakotaEmoji]

Very true- An INFJ can sit on the corner with the homeless vet that just needs a coffee or take charge of an accident scene or treat the Governor General of Canada no differently than the young man serving coffee at Tim Horton’s! 👵🏽✌🏾🍁❤️🇺🇸💚🇮🇪🇲🇽

[@bonnie_gail]

amen

[@stephanieknowles7586]

That’s me. Wow!

[@bellavia5]

That's funny. I've done the first two many times . Never met the Governor General. My way of viewing ALMOST everyone is something the comedian Lenny Bruce said many years ago - "We're all the same shmucK".

[@starseed45]

Only when I became a senior citizen did I finally accept that it's not a good idea to help everyone. Today I think carefully before I insert my gifts on undeserving people. Today I live my life for me

[@amjPeace]

I'm in my 70's and like you I have learned to think carefully before helping not only undeserving people but also those people who clearly prefer to wallow and are not ready to see things differently.

[@Belevaqua]

Same here!!!!!!

[@bonnie_gail]

I don't provide advice unless asked and even then I ask if they are asking for advice from me and only when they clearly acknowledge that is the case, then do I proceed to help.

[@annaleabrown4588]

Had to talk with my daughter last night. A girl on her softball team has some kind of beef with her. For nor apparent reason. Daughter has tried to extend the olive branch, to no regard. So, I had to explain to her that, to never be hostile towards this girl, but, essentially, to look past her; she doesn't exist. Need to throw a ball to her, yes. Conversing with her in any means whatsoever, no. And that life is that way. She will experience this again. Don't let it bog down your soul. People like that, you just need to leave them to their own devices and... Let It Go.

[@INFJcircle]

EXACTLY Anna. When people choose something silly (like anger, or ignorance or whatever), we have to learn just to let them be. It's tough as an INFJ to do that - but I'm glad your daughter has you to help her understand! Jay

[@spmoran4703]

Thanks for your wisdom . I am going to use it.

[@annaleabrown4588]

@@spmoran4703 Look up the best poem ever written... A Psalm of Life by Longfellow.

[@INFJunpopularopinion]

Nope. INFJS are here to change the way people begin to understand the cause and effect of all of their dynamics. Our challenge is to find a way to speak on The things we see, to stop the normalization of abuse. Apathy and ambivalence or avoidance does nothing but empower atrocity. Sending you all so much LOVE because it CAN get rough, but we're all growing and healing, and we're ALL here to LEARN. Yes people's lives are their own, but if you see something say something. Do not loose your integrity to fear, rather focus on your LOVE of the person and make sure to address that, "BECAUSE I love you so much, I can't help be concerned about these things because x,y,z. I undertsand I am bot YOU but I cant help are how they can do t,u,v not just in this way for me but to so on an so forth. I also couldn't help but notice how alike we are in this, that, and the other. So I want to be clear that I'm worried younkight only be considering a,b,c. But you're so smart and strong in hoe you've overcome (refer to personal challenges and adversity they've risen from). So what I m saying is I think this, this and THIS are, could be, (hopefully you're following give differnt potential positive and outcomes), BUT, so could this (give also possible outcomes) and I'll here to revisit with you if you'd like.

[@annaleabrown4588]

@@INFJunpopularopinion If someone talked to me like that, with that line of absolute bull, I would never let myself be within 20 feet of them ever again. The fake platitudes and obvious pandering! And there is no part of me that would be able to feed someone that hokey.

[@Angel-gb9gi]

As an infj I don't need to fit in but I hate to be coworkers target. I seem to always be the target when someone is mad or having a bad day. I usually watch how they act and tell myself well they revealed themselves to you naked as can be, this is who they are and so now you know what you are dealing with but it still makes me wonder what I did to make myself a target. It's like people's demons don't like us very much.

[@beatrizfroes7228]

Many INFJs are neurodivergent. Many of them have ADHD or autism that's why sometimes they are so transparent and sincere. You are great people :)

[@user-rc2xs5ti2w]

The MBTI theory is whole by itself.

[@9MileRoary]

Carl Jung is Xavier@@user-rc2xs5ti2w

[@juliejohnston3431]

They've Micromanaged diseases for profit.

[@bonnie_gail]

lol you are clearly not an INFJ

[@TwoBlackRings]

The concept of helping only those who want it is HUGE! Golden thought.

[@jfo3000]

Yes, "Cast not pearls before swine."

[@orlandoavilesLvl99]

@@jfo3000 I never understood this saying til now. Thank you

[@stevenwilgus5422]

"...we can do things that other people can't..." It is SO FRUSTRATING. I can't even begin to traverse that huge gulf with others. They lack any relative context, entirely.

[@INFJcircle]

Very true Steven. It's a disconnect. Almost like another species at times. Hang in there and thanks so much for your comment. I appreciate it. Jay

[@lucid_747]

I think narcissists are another species

[@INFJcircle]

They ARE. A dangerous one. Jay

[@remhk6672]

​@@lucid_747INFJs make perfect targets for the narks.

[@shadowdancer2439]

Honestly, after spending years analyzing friendships and motives and trying to understand why the energy I threw out to people was not reciprocated or ignored, it all makes sense here. The more I hear you speaking directly to INFJ's the more I realize that other good people do exist. I just need to search harder to find them.

[@gloryahb117]

It’s taken me a very long time to learn the lesson that most people don’t want to improve themselves. I’ve learned to only give advice when specifically asked to do so. I’ve also had to stop associating altogether with those who constantly ask for my advice but never take it. In fact, most of the time they do the exact opposite of what I advise. It’s beyond frustrating for me to watch this, so I’d rather just not take part in it at all.

[@Coneman3]

Yes they either hope the world will change for them or they just find people who can accept their deficits, and a role where their crapness is tolerated.

[@starlenajordan288]

It’s like , we try so hard and work on ourselves so much to be the best we can be and It’s so hard to swallow that other people just literally don’t care about being better. I just can’t grasp it at all. How did you overcome that to get where you are?

[@gloryahb117]

@@starlenajordan288 I realized everyone is on their own journey, making their own choices, and that we all see life not how it is, but how we are. Some people can literally only learn by making the mistake themselves. (I like to learn from the mistakes of others so I can avoid as many pitfalls as possible). Allowing others the freedom to live life on their terms, releases a great burden from me. It’s not my job to “fix” anyone. I just do my best to love them where they are. The times when I have to walk away is when someone continually asks my advice and expects me to bail them out of every difficulty, while they completely ignore my advice and just get into worse and worse situations. It’s very hard to watch someone you care about do that, but if I respect that person I have to allow them to live their own life. I don’t however have to stand by to witness it. And it definitely isn’t my job to bail them out of situations they got themselves into. Sometimes it is the only way they will ever learn is if they have to face the consequences of their actions.

[@kittywalker2944]

My life got a lot easier when I stopped ‘knowing’ what everyone ‘should’ be doing, or having any investment in what they do. I am in control of only one person and that’s the only one I bother with, now. Plus, some people used to dip when they saw me coming (family members, I mean) and it now amuses me to note them expect for me to interject suggestions that I no longer bother to make. Most people can’t handle or don’t want to face the truth. I have to get used to the truth sometimes, in order to accept it, and I’m a double truth-seeker, as an INFJ and a Sagittarius.

[@ivoneeg8799]

Happened to me everytime too. I give my friends advice, and they end up thinking i am too judgy, but i am not. i Just see things they don't see and when i point it out i become the bad person so i just started witholding my thoughts and let them make of their life a mess if they want. it is their life after all :) If they don't want the truth and honesty then they can ask someone else.

[@Christopher-xd5in]

55 years old, recently I learned to care about those that care about me. Knowing these thing intuitively is one thing but hearing it is reassuring. Take care of your kind hearts

[@ComplicatedSimplicite]

This is why I get along with my husband so much! He’s an INTP and for the most part appreciates me pointing out the harder truths.

[@INFJcircle]

This is so important for an INFJ to have in their life! We have to be able to reveal out deep (and sometimes harsh) truths. Happy that you have that. Thanks so much for the comment! Jay

[@outdoor_kat]

I am an INTP and this video resonated for me too.

[@buckleymordecai9605]

INFJ and INTP are typically great matches!

[@INFJcircle]

Yes, not surprised. Many similarities here (fellow introvert)!

[@ComplicatedSimplicite]

@@buckleymordecai9605 yeah there is definitely something to the whole golden pair thing. I can remember the very day I met my husband. I was 13 and he was 15 and the connection was instant. We actually met over the phone and became best friends! We ended up dating bc the guy I was going to marry gave me a choice between him and my current husband who at that point was JUST my friend but I could not imagine my life without him. Long story short I chose my INTP who pointed out to me that no man is going to be okay with our relationship and that it would just make more sense if I just married him (that logic’s gets me every time 😂). I said okay and 20 years and 2 kids later we are still going strong!

[@buckleymordecai9605]

...effin brilliant. Case in point; I pointed out how my backup at work only showed up 35, 40% of the time, and that fact hurt my performance. Soooo, in my idealistic mind, criticisms of my performance were unfounded. Guess who's hours were cut and eventually encouraged to quit? That guy? Nope...me. People were offended with me bringing up something they already knew but refused to act on. Go figure...wait-you already DID figure that, Lol. Love the video.

[@INFJcircle]

Can't add anything to that Buckley. Sounds like the "corrupt world" to me. It's amazing how people actually do see unfairness and can stand to let someone get the axe rather than stand up for them. Crazy. Sorry about your issues, but thanks for the great comment! Jay

[@jfo3000]

Your backup may have been helping out your co-workers / manager in some unseen way, to gain favor.

[@courtneymeyers82]

Remember ~ Kindness is a gift 😊 only give your gift to those deserving. We need truthful people in our lives, and because we can handle our own harsh truths, we think other people should. Unfortunately some people can't. Your advice is good, it isn’t necessarily our job or rule to worry about it Evil, we must however fight it at all costs - like the X Men 😁

[@gjlander100]

SPOT ON!!!! 80 year old INFJ understands you well.....

[@blackrose_111]

I have come to my decision towards all these opportunistic, Manipulative, Toxic, narcissist and Self centered people to adopt my way "DON'T KNOW DON"T CARE". I find calmness to my own self after leaving these people. Good Luck to them.

[@CornerCastCrew]

I have always told people that I feel compelled to tell the truth like a compulsion to tell the truth, when they think I'm lying. I tell them, I don't lie because I would rather hear the brutal truth than a kind lie. Dude I binge watched all your videos and I feel like, its indescribable to tell you what I feel like because I've never experienced this before. You actually get me, you actually understand me, you are saying all the things I've tried to say to other people my whole life when they ask me how I know the things I know and think I'm meaning something that I'm not. I've always said that I don't care what people think of me, as long as what they think of me is based on truth. So I don't care what they think of me at all but if they do have a negative opinion then it can't be just random made up nonsense like it needs to be based on something factual that they know about me or that I've done. So I don't care what they think of me, but I do care whether or not what they think of me is true. Because if it's a misconception then I need to correct that. Misinformation and miscommunication are 2 of my biggest pet peeves.

[@INFJcircle]

That’s great my friend. Glad the videos are helping. Yes, truth is very important to us as INFJs. We want to improve where needed. This is normal and good, but also remember nobody is perfect and others should give us the same amount of leeway as we give them. Thanks so much for the comment, means a lot. Jay

[@well-see-what-happens-cent1295]

I don’t know where I heard this quote but it has helped me immensely - other people’s opinion of me is none of my business. I don’t bother to explain my actions or try to correct peoples view of me anymore, the people who know me know the truth, the people who don’t know me & believe gossip or perceive something I did as wrong or weird without getting to know me, well, that is their issue. We cannot continue to waste our energy on what people think of us, we have more important things to think about.

[@andreahugentobler1510]

I had to learn that the hard way. But it is indeed easier to focus on the people that want the truth. However, it is still painful for me watch people suffer because they insist on ignoring the truth. Especially if they are close to me. Like family or friends. Let go even if observing that one person runs into the same misery over and over again for me is very difficult. However, I have begun to tell me... "let it go...." as you said. Most people don't want a solution.

[@INFJcircle]

Very difficult Andrea, and I think it's something we will always have to fight against. Still, the more we can let go the more we can relax. Thanks for the great comment! Jay

[@ameliaannhouck2670]

In words of Paul McCarthy : Sweet mother Mary came to me and said let it be , let it be! That song always resonated with me and my favorite song of all time is Peggy Lee's " IT THAT ALL THERE IS" !

[@INFJcircle]

@@ameliaannhouck2670 Oh yes, I really resonate with that Peggy Lee song. I'd never heard it until about a year ago. Great minds think alike!

[@clbellue]

I love your videos and enjoy reading through all the comments. It's nice to feel "normal" for a bit. Thank you for what you are doing to help us understand ourselves and others better!!

[@INFJcircle]

Thank you so much! I agree, at least here we all are on the same page. You are very welcome and thank you for letting me know you enjoy the videos! Jay

[@kittywalker2944]

Wasn’t it a wonderful thing when you found out that you are 100% normal, as an INFJ? 😃

[@Rose-jh4vs]

People told me their deepest secrets, then had a second thought about it so they stayed away. And I lost friends...

[@Edie_Mrigna]

It's, at times, frustrating being an INFJ. You are like a sponge, absorbing in the energy or emotions of others. 😢 I am an INFJ and a brutally honest Sagittarius. I've upset many people with my honesty and truth. I see through ulterior motives, hence can't stand some people. 💔

[@lzbinco1031]

It's very shock to me that the truth is most people care about the 'credit' and 'social standing' this much! Finally know why I keep being rejected and disbelief by people, we view the world very opposite with the others. I had learn to 'let it be' by many years ago, but I still glad sometimes my word can help. There is one time, my friend break up with her boyfriend, I don't really knw what happen, she won't talk. And few days later that guy claim on social media that he will jump off from the rooftop at midnight if she don't comeback to him. My friend was terrified, she make a call to group chat, inform everyone what happen and say that she considered to get back together. Everyone suddenly become terrified and panic, no one know what to do. And after examine the post write by that guy, I say : 'He won't, trust me. He won't dare. And you don't really love him anymore, why do that? So, don't call or say anything to him. If you really afraid something bad happen, we can just call police to handle.' And suddenly, everyone in the group become silent. I remember some say that this is too cruel, and very disagree to my opinion. And I reply: ' If we allow him this once, and he sure will do this again and again, do you really want to see our friend keep dealing with this kind of stuff?" Despite against and ignore by others, for the first time I stand up and defend for my opinion, because I know this is important. She refuse to call the police, but accept my word. She didn't give any respond to him, but still concerned. So everyone keep her company until midnight, and....yes, nothing happen. Eventually, somehow, that guy feel too cold to be stay outside at midnight, and decided to go back home. And guess what, he still alive after many years, and already change many girl friends after my friend. And turn out, my friend confess that she been mental abuse in this relationship all this time, and sadly she still can't fully recover until today. Actually, before this based on some story my friend told me about her relationship, I had a gut feeling that this guy is not a good person. But my grandma had warn me, 'people in relationship won't listen and they will doubt your intent', so I just keep my mouth shut until this happen. I still feel little regret I didn't warn my friend earlier, but it's not like I got evidence to proof what I thought. Just glad that she didn't step into the hell again and no need suffer longer.

[@1kenneth1985]

Wise Grandmum ! 🦋🌀

[@iartol]

Thank you for sharing this -

[@jessegirlb]

It's not just truth that we feel compelled to acknowledge, but the nitpicky, very specific, technical truth. It's like we have to explain every detail or we feel that we're lying or leaving out something crucial. I think it leads to over-explaining: over-explaining ourselves, our intentions, thoughts, etc. That can get to the point where we feel like we're always defending or justifying our choices/behaviors/opinions etc.

[@GraciousSpirit001]

I really needed this. I finally realized after my last encounter with a poor soul struggling with NPD, i can't heal other people, and can't help those who genuinely don't want help. It hurts so much when you see what another person can become if they deal with their baggage, but if they want to stay in the mud, we have to move on 😢😢😢.....thanks Jay! I am grateful you are out there and that you understand.

[@excrono]

I think I can see you as an INFJ, you don’t judge someone with NPD and reject labels. Other personality types will just attach stigma.

[@huck2284]

I do think it's important to avoid wasting precious time with certain people who may be outside the reach of our help. At the same time, I would encourage everyone to consider this simple fact..... Not a single living person wants to be miserable, enjoys being miserable, or is completely lost to their own demons. We may not have enough time to help the people with more deeply rooted issues, but these people can most certainly be helped. If you love someone, never give up on them! It could be the very next word u say to them that opens their eyes.

[@amjPeace]

I was into my seventies before I finally realized I needed to step back and bite my tongue. It is very hard. I just want to be helpful and it is hard to watch others behaving in self-defeating ways.

[@candystepper]

Thank you .. Ill never understand humans. And the never understand me. I see, into people. I know if they arent truthful. People dont like that. Fulfilling to hear you.

[@INFJcircle]

Thank you so much for your comment. It does seem that other just can't understand us and they do hate being "found out" in their dishonesty. But we can't help but see it. Thanks again for your comment! Jay

[@elenab8296]

People aren't rejecting INFJs. People just need more time to understand/feel them better.:) INFP.

[@fowchiiiliedpuppiesdied]

Well, no offense, but that is easy for you to say. It is rejection, sadly, no matter the intent, for the person on the other end, receiving it. Sending love to you, because I adore INFPS. -INFJ

[@elenab8296]

@@fowchiiiliedpuppiesdied And we INFPs adore INFJs🤗

[@elenab8296]

@@fowchiiiliedpuppiesdied I understand you. But I think it's more misunderstanding of something new and unique than rejection.

[@bonnie_gail]

haha that's funny, many given a lifetime refuse to see

[@tbird2952]

What has helped me reign in is...having a good friend that has bipolar disorder. I have to be careful in what I say and how I say it. It has helped me with everyone else. I still slip up sometimes and get misunderstood. Oh well, nobody's perfect, right. 😊

[@INFJcircle]

That is actually a great training ground! Yeah, we all slip up from time to time, but knowing is half the battle as they say! Thanks for the great comment. Jay

[@keyboardoracle1044]

Yep, people don’t like to be shown the things they can’t see, ignorance is bliss.

[@luisavasconcelos5166]

I once identified someone who was bothering a friend of mine at work through a photo at their company's Christmas dinner. He had just described some of the person's behavior to me and I immediately knew who it was. At a dinner with co-workers, I responded verbally to the thoughts of one of my colleagues, whose conversation had nothing to do with the topic. Nobody understood what I said except this colleague to whom I spoke. And he was on the opposite side of the table. He stood with his mouth open looking at me and I replied: yes, I can know what you are thinking, I answered the question you were asking yourself. I seemed distracted, just eating dinner quietly. They think I'm weird.

[@extremeclipper]

I too have "read" photos. My sister now brings me photos of people she has questions about. I can usually tell her if they are safe or not.

[@BryanChance]

I think INFJs generally look at things through the lense of compassion and we need to add some wisdom. Thanks for sharing this video!! It helps me a great deal.

[@Queen_Sylvia]

Yes!!! I love helping others bring out their own strength. When I managed people, I loved nothing more than enabling someone else to see their own power and revel in their achievements (especially when I was able to influence this in a way that they didn’t even realize I was influencing the growth!)

[@1594simonsays]

so we are pretty much put in a lifetime of lose lose situations by these minions

[@JudahCub1981]

This is such great counsel; I’ve often been dismayed by the fact that people think my kindness comes with an ulterior motive and I just enjoy helping others AND seeing them reach their full potential.

[@vivien681]

I knew for a while that I was INFJ but it’s only recently that I’ve come to terms with the meaning behind it. The personality and things we see and do is fascinating! I’ve always felt weird or different, I’m glad i can relate with other INFJ’s thank you.

[@STRONGfamVALUEZ]

Appreciate you,, I'm so glad Im not alone. Just have never met another INFJ. Thankful for these channels

[@INFJcircle]

You aren't alone. There are more of us out here. Thanks for watching and commenting, means a lot to me! Jay

[@ameliaannhouck2670]

I have never met one , we must be rarer that hens teeth! wonder if any of this is even true

[@thirstonhowellthebird]

This is such a great video. I have always felt responsible for the outcome of somebody else’s life or situation. I can see the outcome so clearly that I feel like if I don’t speak up, it would be like watching a child standing in the middle of the street with a bus headed their way and remaining silent! Remaining silent feels like it goes against every fiber of my being yet I can see now how it hurts me to speak up and how it does make me look weird even though a year or two down the road exactly what I said would happen, always happens, but it also does make people think that I feel superior or think I’m better than them and that’s not true at all and breaks my heart that they judge that way, because we’re the kindest, most helpful people on the planet and would do anything for anybody. I tried to speak up to a friend since kindergarten about her loser partner, I got dumped. I know it will end badly.

[@rkoff5744]

Like Jack Nicholson's character said, You can't handle the truth. I didn't agree with how he handled things in the movie but in this statement he was right. And the thing is, I can't either. A lot of us have trouble sometimes. This was a great video. Learning more every time I watch this channel. I do wish I learned when I was younger. I opened my mouth too many times trying to "help."

[@INFJcircle]

Really appreciate this comment. Thank you. I agree, most people can't handle the truth. We don't want to be like that Nicholson character but you are right, he was correct in his assessment. I think we can carefully pick and choose our battles and it will relieve a lot of our stress. Thanks again for the great comment and the awesome analogy with Nicholson. Jay

[@khanyinyembezi2944]

Thanks for sharing this. It's very confusing when one is hated by people that one helps.

[@kammellioo]

Please dont stop making videos on the INFJ. So far i only came across 2 youtubers who are doing this type of podcast like videos. You and a female INFJ...i like your style a bit better than hers, but she is pretty spot on and good also.💯

[@INFJcircle]

Thank you Ellie! Yeah, there really aren't that many of us INFJ KZbinrs considering the size of KZbin. You might be talking about Wenzes, and yes she is very good. I plan to make many more so stay tuned and thanks for the comment, means a lot to me! Jay

[@Kennedy4OurCountry]

63....rejection omg i guess it's a superpower at this point. When i was young, all thru school, i tried to fit in. But later on in life i realised helping others lie about who they are when who they are hurts others actually ripped my self respect to shreds. I know ppl think im stand-offish & that i think im better than them. One thing i dont keep my mouth shut about is when i see animals being poorly kept or treated without consideration. I now save my energy for me. U r awesome too. Great channel.

[@user-pp7rf9wq1y]

I can only be my authentic self. I have learnt many lessons and so will only save those that deserve to be saved.

[@bonnie_gail]

I don't save anyone, they can only save themselves; I can assist if they ask but the onus is ultimately on the other person.

[@djartur25]

I think it's important to share our feelings to other people. But not everyone is worth, so as You said, let's ignore them.

[@INFJcircle]

Exactly Artur. It's just not worth spending that energy on those who do not seek to improve or change. But when someone shows that care then we can share with them.Thanks for the comment my friend! Jay

[@lucid_747]

Very empathetic and logical and exactly what I experience. Thank you

[@INFJcircle]

You are very welcome! I'm glad the videos are helping you and I appreciate you watching! Jay

[@stephaniehinds1481]

I am so thankful to have found your channel. Thank you for helping me not feel so isolated.

[@INFJcircle]

You are so welcome Stephanie. I thank you for watching and I have a lot more in store for this channel. We don't deserve to be outcasts and we need to know our value. Appreciate your comment! :) Jay

[@justChrisjones]

Yes, really so true . Falling on the sword is a clever way to put certain circumstances. I never realized it was a part of the infj. It's knowing some friendships will end, such as warning a new parent the Uncle is a pedophile. That blows up the relationship, but an infj can't live with not warning them.

[@saraj9390]

I feel people like us should hide thier true self; and just showing it to real persons

[@tammylee0311]

Love that you referenced X-Men as I've been a lifelong fan of the '90s cartoon series and the comic books (not all of the different lines, mostly the Uncanny and 2nd version/Jim Lee version). I've always resonated with the X-Men and how relatable the stories and characters were to me and it seems to make more sense now that I've recently discovered I'm an INFJ. Thank you for this video 👍

[@INFJcircle]

Yes, it's kind of eerie how much the X-Men relate to us. They have the ability to help society but society rejects them and even wants to harm them. Very familiar to us INFJs. Thanks for the comment and glad you enjoyed the X-Men reference! Jay

[@tammylee0311]

@@INFJcircle The old adage is true - people fear what they don't understand.

[@INFJcircle]

@@tammylee0311 So true. :(

[@handleguy]

You shine like the sun here, brother. Your intelligence and caring are remarkable, just like all of us are. It makes me so happy that we have resources now that didn't exist during my early years of struggle. Struggle is now optional with such good information as you present here in this channel. Keep up the good work, you're making the world a better place by helping other INFJs get out of misery and claim our excellence. I really enjoy the sense and the feeling of an INFJ community who are connected in consciousness. I also like knowing that we can help each other, as you are doing here.

[@INFJcircle]

I really appreciate that! Thank you so much my friend. Means a lot to me. Jay

[@noturbo]

i dont understand the humans

[@INFJcircle]

LOL! Pretty much sums it up. Very difficult to understand them :) Thanks for the great (and accurate) comment! Jay

[@iimoon777]

same bro, such situation has conditioned me to avoid people because i dont understand how they think, what they want to hear and what they want in general. Like socializing with humans is soo tiring bruh

[@im_noToKa]

@@iimoon777 agree , I don't get humans either 🤦

[@INFJcircle]

Yeah, I feel like calling them "they" which is really weird. "They" often joke with each other roughly and then seem to somehow not get mad at each other. Then I say something and it cuts like a knife. LOL! Just one example. I get you. Jay

[@im_noToKa]

@@INFJcircle we say ' they ' and they say ' them ' when referring to us .. wait a minute that sounded confusing 🤔 I think I thought it made sense tho :)

[@keyboardoracle1044]

No it won’t happen for the rest of my life, there is no one left in my life to reject me.

[@RandleBeckford]

I'm so glad I found this video and finally hearing someone putting this into words.

[@INFJcircle]

:) Jay

[@dathan2024]

As an INFJ, I heard a great response tactic for people who wrongfully take advantage of our good nature or reject us without cause: “Respond with silence. They know what they did.” I have found this frees me from toxic relationships and allows the wrongdoers time to reflect on their behavior. A younger generation might call this “ghosting,” but actually we haven’t gone anywhere, we’re just not playing word games. The older I get the less I want to add to all the “noise” in this very loud, very opinion saturated world, and the more I want to create only “music.” Communication through silence for the INFJ, is a great way to release ourselves and teach others without the noise of excuses, ridicule, and pain.

[@tnt01]

Love this.

[@amyitis]

I had asked a coworker what her MBTI was.... she said she didnt believe in it.... she then asks me to explain her personality.... I told her its a very vague question and then I changed the subject..... had I answered her question, she would be in tears, she would be in denial, she would be traumatized.... she would hate me (which i dont care, but i do have to work with her), so its something ive realized that those that arent ready for the truth, I keep to myself. No point in wasting my energy.

[@nreynolds75243]

Basically don't waste your time and energy on ungrateful people. He mentioned shallow and corrupt. These ones aren't going to appreciate truth. Only interested in their welfare. This was very informative and will definitely keep this in mind.

[@wonkygustav4457]

We are too intense and brutally honest. It’s too much for others to live with so much integrity, they’re more comfortable living the lies they tell themselves. Infjs are high calibre individuals and are not for the faint hearted.

[@INFJcircle]

Agree. Jay

[@starlenajordan288]

Fact!!!

[@dannyblitz2122]

I have a friend who seems to like being around me in phases, and pours out his heart with his problems and feelings. I tell him straight what I think is the problem and what to do different, but he doesn't seem to take it on board right away. He will continue for a while the same, then one time when I see him next, he will present the dignosis and solution I offered as something he wroked out himself. My son has done this too. Things happen in multi-phased layers, and indeirect, distributed connections, not how we would like or expect a lot of the time. I've had friends in the past that I could speak to very naturally and easily, going deep into topics and ideas for hours, probably INFJ or similar people, but they have all died or dissapeared, and It's only now I'm mature enough to know what I lost. Looking forward to meeting some new friends in the future, God willing.

[@Scorpion_Light_Bringer]

I'm just here marathoning your videos as I try to connect the puzzle pieces of life, as I obsessively do. This video answers all of the questions I had on why relationships with people feel so uncomfortable confusing. I'm also accepting my nature and want to own it, especially now that I'm moving into a new role in behavioral health and know that although my patients are coming to see me, not all of them will be ready and willing to do what they must do to change and improve their life. Thank you so much for your work. You made my day and my path brighter 🌞✨️

[@INFJcircle]

I’m so happy to hear this! That’s what I’m doing this for. So glad it helped you. You made my day as well. More videos on the way soon! Jay

[@august7027]

People love hearing lies as long as it doesn't harm them. People only want to hear what they want to hear. People don't like to hear the word "No" and they don't want to be around someone who is honest cause they know truth will burn them. When i am around this people, they might be +30 years old or even +60 but in my eyes they are just small childrens. I will speak the truth to those who are strong and i will show the truth to those who are living thier life in lies of others. To who only wants to hear the lies, i remain silent.

[@shafeera3430]

Thankyou so much for making this videos, this have been my problem these past few days i feel like the burden has been lifted off my shoulder now

[@INFJcircle]

I'm so glad shafeera! It's tough being an INFJ sometimes, I'm glad the video helped you! Jay

[@TheFloridaTraveler]

Spot on! It's like I want to send this video to all of the failed relationship people.

[@alisikandar1502]

it feels impossiple not to feel or consider not to offer the insight, however there is a wisdom here, help only those who wish to be helped. I had to learn this the hardest way, life has already taught me or showed me if I offer help to people not wanting help or better they are blind to even consider any sort of help have rejected to me all my life. its impossibly difficult not to look the other way, I am learning to keep things to myself. My empathy is my super power, too many times I have been rejected; my spirit crushed and made me feel myself full of doubt. By profession I am teacher, turning off my empathy is near to impossible. A collection of life lessons, I am learning.

[@INFJcircle]

So tough not to help those who need it, but over time you learn only to help those who want it. Thanks for sharing, i totally relate! Jay

[@deepshikhaghosh7421]

Looks like I am the first one to like and comment on the video. Well thank you for making the video. I was rejected and offended by a colleague whom I used to genuinely care about. Trying to care less now onwards.

[@INFJcircle]

You are indeed in first! I understand your issues, I've had this happen countless times. You've got it, it's about "caring less" the very thing that you would think would endear you with people. Such is life. Thanks for the great comment! Jay

[@annaignatochkina3438]

This happened to me too recently. So, I try to ignore that person from now on.

[@karenmarsh6009]

Wow, beautifully said. This articulates perfectly exactly what I am going through and HAVE been going through this past year. Thank you.

[@yohan-limogeslimoges-zs6wp]

Wow i love these INFJs! I'm an INFP.... when will we start to change the world together???

[@kacake]

When I speak to my sister trying to uncover her repressions to help her see things from a lighter brighter perspective, she feels bad, not wanting to go back, when I just want to help her heal. Watching Neo from The Matrix, made me realize not everyone wants to open their minds to bitter truth that can save them in the long run.

[@subbtopp]

Oh my God, i cried with relief all through this. I wish I had this 30 years ago. I recognised evry single thing you mention as my life flashed before me with examples.

[@pagie2467]

I struggle daily. Should I say something or hold my tongue? If I"m honest and truthful with someone (always delivered with kindness), it's never received well. They will respond to me by telling lies, gaslighting or manipulation. When I say "why are you trying to lie, gaslight or manipulate me", they really just explode. I'm told NO ONE thinks like YOU! I know this sounds crazy but I feel like I'm a narcissist magnet.

[@futurenate]

Ya gotta know when to hold em' ya gotta know when to fold em'..

[@BryanChance]

What you just said. It is 100% me. Sometimes I think I am an extreme INFJ. I think you are too because I’m “reading” you brother. LOL

[@INFJcircle]

I'm with you Bryan, I'm so INFJ that reading the description (when I found out) was just like reading a description of my own brain. lol. The truth is I had always considered myself "unique" in some outcast/misfit kind of way, and to find out there were others like me was GREAT but at the same time let me know I wasn't as special as I thought! Jay

[@GlennaRedcliffe]

Holy Moly… After listening to this video, it all makes sense now. Thank you so much for creating this! -INFJ

[@larryconkoljr.8915]

I agree with your suggestions although I still find it hard to watch those unsaid trainwrecks happen. It is a delicate balance isn't it?

[@INFJcircle]

Very delicate Larry. It's so hard not to say anything, especially when you KNOW you could help them. Still, it's worth considering who we put our energy and care into. Thanks so much for the great comment! Jay

[@odinborson308]

Fun fact: All extroverts secretly hate INFJ because INFJ guys make extroverts feel inferior, and INFJ openly points out the mistakes of extroverts, which they dislike.

[@1594simonsays]

I hope they cry harder about it

[@karieification]

Not just men.

[@spmoran4703]

I have been ghosted by a man that claimed he loved me . He flirted , so he didnt . Time to let go.

[@INFJcircle]

Yep. I've had to let go so many times. It hurts. But I think we should consider the fact that they are the one's who let go, not us. So now we let go. Nothing we could do. Thanks for the great comment! Jay

[@spmoran4703]

@@INFJcircle Yes Jay it hurt But because of it I learned the value of good friends. Of family of myself . I didnt get my dream lover . But , I didn't get a nightmare lover also. Today was a sunny day here in Britain . And I feel that sunny day in my spirit. God is good and God as always been with me. Thank you for your message .

[@janakumlec5363]

Fantastic analysis. Absolutely spot on. Thank you. I feel exactly the same about these situations you talked about...like it was my inner voice talking . Great minds , think alike. hahahaha great work.

[@INFJcircle]

Thanks so much for letting me know Jana! Yes, I think us INFJs (great minds, lol) do think alike. And to think, I used to think I was the only "different" thinker in the world! Jay

[@auntylinda7640]

Advice should only be given when it asked for, even if it is painfully obvious. This video so true. ❤

[@heatherhafer3333]

Hello, I am an INFP female. In my life, I have wanted to get close to INFJs but they are busy people. Plus, they have issues like everyone else. They may think they want the truth, but being human, it may be hard for them to accept it or hear it. Also, I made friends with an INFJ woman and loved our time spent together at the park and between her famy and mine. My issue became wanting more time. I tell you that the INFJs I've met are either busy or too private.

[@lalobaquesabe8096]

I just stumbled over your channel today and watched all the videos in a row. Im not by far New to the topics, but your Videos are great! And you are very sympathetic and your content is great, too. Thank you for helping the (INFJ-)world and thanks for making me feel better about myself and (my) life! All the best for you!

[@yesitsthattime]

I have been rejected my entire life. Didnt know this could be rhe reason why. Ive never considered myself as arrogant, only helpful. I can literally spend a few hours with a person and see the path that wouls bring them joy and abundance. But, im in my 40s and recently realized that people dont want to hear it. Because they are too scared. Just made a decision about my fav relative a few days ago. I probably need to make my gift into a business

[@lillyCfields]

I ask what the person needs. Do you need me just to listen? Do you want advice after or no advice. So, that way I'm not wasting time telling someone something that they aren't going to listen to.

[@CB4NB]

This was super helpful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights on INFJ’s. It’s been a challenging journey 😉

[@INFJcircle]

Yes it is. Glad this helped

[@Suedetussy]

Very wise! I‘ve came to the same conclusion. Good to hear that from a like-minded person. 😊

[@learncomputerscience509]

Yeah I feel soooo much guilty if I dont help and this guilt doesn't let me sleep. I feel a very strong urge to help others... And end up doing everything for them... And it drains me tooo much.

[@kaycevanveer212]

Wow. Now I understand. They think we are jerks. Couldn't be further from the truth. I found this video bc I was looking for a video to teach an INFJ what selfishness is... it's all around me but I don't understand it. 😕

[@mollydooker9636]

Sometimes letting someone fail or mess up is the best gift you can give them, they come to the truth themselves.. You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink.

[@Sylmarilla]

thank you so much, finally someone said that I'm normal :D classical situation: person I care about, I already know what's gonna happen, I try to warn, convince, I explain and...? they don't get it, they stare as if I'm alien or someone superior, as was said in the video, and they leave; what the heck?! it's already so hard to talk about bad or painful things, why do they always try to find hidden intentions? and then: the biggest dissapointment? they are back, they say "you were right" and you can only answer "I told you", well, I heard also that I should congratulate myself since I'm so wise and farsighted... I like your videos, you really do great thing on this channel, I take it as a place for me :D, you're right we're not responsible for others, we can advice, listen, give our attention but we don't have to :)

[@staciehaneline9533]

I always say the true things out loud and I've always been against group-think. I don't want people to follow me. I want them to think for themselves. People don't really care about the truth and they definitely don't want to think for themselves. All they care about is having a place in the hierarchy. I don't operate inside the hierarchy. I never have and I never will. I look around and all I see is a bunch of puppets on strings. There are people all around me, but I feel alone. I feel sorry for most people because they are so afraid to stand out.

[@nreynolds75243]

Yep, that's so true. Most people don't appreciate uniqueness. Take me for example, I'm a minority all the way around all my life....INFJ, of the Negrod race (black), female and one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Even within my own community, Jehovah Witness, I've been rejected quite often because of the INFJ personality type. Good thing I don't mind being by myself. I refuse to pretend to be something I'm not. But I will definitely heed what's been said in this video.

[@Tammy763]

🎯Self-love and care, gratitude, peace through nature and hobbies, be your best advocate and be generous and kind only from your heart…❤❤

[@faysmith7248]

You have described the mystic side in this video for me. You helped me to look at it from a perspective I've not seen before. I've always taken it for granted.

[@gloriaadu5485]

You are right on it, i made that decision. this year. I will zip up my lip. i have always been my best friend, and i will continue. to smile. but nothing more. i have been kick to the curve all my life, so it's my time to shine.on my own. what i think about is i can pick up on someone in a second. but i dismiss it and i pay. i am going to shine for me. (THANKS)

[@schrockgal]

Great advice for a fellow INFJ!

[@INFJcircle]

Thank you! Jay