Why INFJs Feel Rejected by Society

[@LaurenSapalaINFJ]

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[@angelanicholson951]

yes, this is true.

[@l0I0I0I0]

Ty. I sort of relate but Im a guy and have different experiences, perhaps to lesser degrees.

[@eduardorossetti6975]

Is there a way to mute the smacking noises?

[@TheMaverickMind-Ultc]

This was great Lauren!!

[@ResoluteRonin]

I don't seem to be in alignment with any human being in this world. Being an INFJ has been a life long curse for me!

[@briancossey4773]

As an INFJ, I tend to reject the shallow, self-centered, superficial, less-than-honest values that are the social norms of many of today's society.

[@iahelcathartesaura3887]

Yes, and it's also brutish & unrefined, exhausting and more imo. Just no.

[@wittymystic7361]

Same. It's important to remember that these are the current norms. Society actually needs us; they just aren't quite ready to embrace us yet.

[@TheWakeUpChannel]

Totally

[@JFairhart]

I agree, INFJ’s reject society so it’s to be expected it in turn rejects us. I consider it a path less traveled but well worth it.

[@Hildred6]

Even in the art or yoga or meditation etc, it can be a challenge, often people go for the social side rather than the activity itself

[@dianewagner5467]

I always feel like I’m saying the wrong things.

[@bumblebee_ms]

Ditto!

[@cc1k435]

I know what you mean. I have a personal policy now, in my ever-advancing age, that when I get myself into these awkward moments, I just lean in to see what happens. It's THEIR problem once it's already out there. It's also usually something I can chuckle to myself about later on now, if not immediately after. I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea by now. 😂

[@sl3102]

Yes, all the time.

[@gs2858]

Oh my goodness..yes !!!

[@leticiatoraci9855]

I'm not interested in talking to superficial people anymore.

[@bumblebee_ms]

Same.

[@marcp.1752]

💯! idgaf, simple as that. Just keep these skindeep, silly ppl out of my life.

[@spiritwanderer777]

shallow and superficial people or people uncomfortable with going deep bore me. i refuse to fit into that kind of society.

[@somethingclever2]

There is such a bias against our personality type that people feel its okay to abuse us. Its not

[@Hildred6]

It’s not a conscious bias, it’s that people like others who are most like themselves and INFJ’s are rare and not very sociable

[@mayhawthorn5092]

Ugh, scary

[@Muckly77]

No, it isn't. I even noticed that wearing bright clothes doesn't help either...we already shine so brightly that those around us are blinded, and therefore, are unable to see us for who we truly are. 😀

[@marcp.1752]

Not all ppl are being complex minds, thoughtful & overthinking - instead, they're simple minds, remember that.

[@Aquarius964]

The problem really is finding like minded people to share our thoughts with and unfortunately there’s few people that relate to us. Great video!

[@michaeljensen4650]

Reality is too threatening for most people, they would rather live in a cloud of self delusion. They want to feel good at all costs even if that means burying their heads in the sand. They want you to suppress your true self because emotional authenticity even when it is measured and rational is to honest for them. "I am ok, you're ok and everything is great! Life is one big bowl of cherries." That is the only thing they want to hear, a bunch of sugar coated BS. If you don't play this sick little game with them then you're a downer and depressing to be around. The unspoken social command is "I must always be perfect and happy at all times!"

[@alejandrahidalgo5353]

Exactly!!!! I think those people are the ones who comment right here😅 we are the ones who watch this kind of videos 😂infj❤

[@SP-ml3bs]

The best thing I've ever done as an INFJ was to get a work from home job. I have peace and quiet and my own private office for the first time ever after spending years working in loud, crowded environments with no personal space (open offices, restaurants and nursing homes.) Spending 40 hours a week with non-stop enforced socializing at a commute and work with people in person job was destroying my mental and physical health. I have had this work from home job for almost 3 years now and I am happier and healthier than I've ever been before. I hope to be able to work from home until I retire 20+ years from now!

[@Zoeygrl768]

I hope you do too.

[@Wednesdaywoe1975]

Same! I'm unwilling to find a better paying job unless it offers me guaranteed work from home.

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

Rat race is draining

[@colonelgraff9198]

I reject a lot of the superficial assumptions and demands of society so the feeling is mutual.

[@ChelseaFabrizi]

I have never related to a statement more in my life ❤

[@Chercheure_Indépendante]

The reason why rejection hurts so much is because we reject ourselves first. Once we learn to love and accept ourselves (a step-by-step process) then it does not bother us too much.

[@taketheredpill1452]

I would say the reason rejection hurts so much is that it reminds us of our childhood, and the unprocessed wounds from there. The more I deal with my childhood, the more I am capable of not dreading my solitude...

[@1234carolynb]

I can relate to rejecting ourselves first. After years of being rejected in my own family... I was made to feel like the black sheep of 4 kids...I believed there must be something wrong with me. That made me worthy of rejection. So then I tried to remake myself into someone they would accept. That felt like a betrayal of my authentic self, but it was what I needed to do to survive. I lost myself. Decades later and I'm only now finding the courage to be me.

[@DearYoungerSelf111]

Great advice to close the gap!

[@escarlit]

@@taketheredpill1452 and not loving yourself is almost always the direct result of stuff that happens during childhood. why are people so quick to comment and so disinclined to think before doing it? 😩

[@bumblebee_ms]

You've explained me to a T. I hated working in a corporate job for years and years. "Stop trying to fit in"...exactly! I need to find my tribe, still haven't.

[@anneheerdt8701]

I find it has taken YEARS for people to see me as competent because of my differences. It is so frustrating. I finally feel respected at work and it has been 6 years

[@wtywatoad]

I totally feel ya’! We’re not psychic, or oracles, but as great observers we develop predictive analytic skills that we feel highly compelled to use to help others. We then can become easily frustrated when “normies” tend to reject our proposals that we are confident are tried and true. It’s taken some time to gain the wisdom of knowing when to take a step back and let others learn things the hard way, no matter how frustrating it may be watching them struggle and suffer.

[@YouilAushana]

You might not be an infj

[@ingoditrust1543]

@@anneheerdt8701 you could be in a field of work that you are not meant to be for your personality.

[@darrenparkes9805]

I give love to all my INFJ brothers and sisters, keep well, keep strong, we are a rare species,

[@bumblebee_ms]

Giving love back, I'm exhausted being rare.

[@thatShelbyMo]

Thanx man!

[@Muckly77]

Looks like we are already quite a bunch - who needs that many people any ways? I am way more for one-on-one. Otherwise I get too easily distracted and overwhelmed.

[@Alicja237]

❤

[@Alicja237]

❤

[@raisercruise7408]

Thank you for having these talks. It really helps me feel less alone and more confident in a world that doesn’t take us into account as much.

[@blakefletcher9834]

As an INFJ, The biggest thing i struggle with I can relate and empathize with almost everyone, but I doubt they will ever understand me

[@thetruthisoutthere7]

The pain is real. Most often it's surface level bs and when we find someone who wants a deeper conversation, chances are our opinions aren't the same.

[@marcp.1752]

Sadly it seems - ca. 90-95% of all ppl nowadays share only B$ talks, gossip, and what's the latest hot fuzz - thanks, not being interested into this shit show.

[@rickygonzales4646]

I feel like im invisible it a social setting, could be walking down the street and its like I dont exist. People walk towards me and im the one who has to move.

[@DanetteByatt]

I feel that same way 🫂

[@anneheerdt8701]

I purposely put on my 'little punk girl' attitude so people don't bump into me

[@wtywatoad]

In those situations, I keep my head up and try to make eye contact with anyone walking in my direction. This creates new challenges however, as we begin soaking in others energies more easily, which has the potential to drain us that much quicker. Do you ever make eye contact with someone who you realize begins freaking out on the inside, because they realize (mostly on a subconscious level) that there’s nothing they can do to stop you from reading something from them that they don’t want to be revealed?

[@paulcarmi8130]

​@@anneheerdt8701dumbest thing I've ever read.

[@mariagordanier3404]

Many times! I have been told they feel i look right through them, which I do. But I laugh and deny it, because I do not intend to make them uncomfortable. LOL@@wtywatoad

[@elainevaughn218]

Thank-you so much for creating this video! I am an INFP, and I could relate to just about everything that you said. It feels like I am expected to learn and be fluent in everyone else’s particular language, but very few people feel any motivation to learn mine.

[@m2pozad]

I believe she drifts here, into describing characteristics of Fi, thus substantially consistent with INFP adaption for fitting in.

[@celinefederici6951]

I really related to what you were talking about in this video. I am in my late 70's and only discovered I was an INFJ a couple of yrs ago, so I am reflecting on so many decades of trying to fit in and not understanding why I did not. Sometimes when I managed to fit in w the "in" crowd, I found them boring. Never fit in in the teachers' lunchroom where they complained and criticized or talked about their dinners at expensive restaurants or the latest play (NYC). Re: book clubs...I was shocked when they did not talk about the non-fiction book but just there to chat! Being an INFJ is challenging to say the least especially when one does not know they are one! So thank you for this video, very helpful. Retired now & on Cape Cod. My art is in a cooperative gallery and some artists meet at the community Ctr. I went for a few yrs and finally stopped. They did do art but spent the whole time gossiping or other superficial conversation. No one was interested in becoming a better painter or discussing anything related to art ...I finally decided to not attend and also not go to gallery parties. I do paint w one man in my gallery every Monday...turned out he is a former pastor and though I am on an eastern spiritual path we are on the same wave length. We both do Chinese Brush and discuss art and help each other...so a real pleasure for both of us. I guess this was my burst!!

[@wtywatoad]

I have to reveal my true self in small doses. When we see the world in more of a mosaic pattern rather than a linear one, it can be difficult to express our perceptions, and values in a manner that others can understand. I’ve had better long term success acclimating others to my presence rather than just letting it all hang out.

[@YAMISOOLD2009]

yes... I love how you describe our perception as more of a mosaic. Its that web style of thinking vs the linear one!

[@iahelcathartesaura3887]

YES to you both!

[@Hildred6]

This is very true, that nameless depression, now I’m old and at least I understand it. All those years of pretending to be different to my real self.

[@Alessandra-j6i]

I'm an INTJ, but I'm watching many videos made by INFJs because they talk in a more sensible and sensitive way about dealing with people. I agree with the main message of this video about the fact that we introverts can be only ourselves, whatever it takes to be it. I think there are only two good anchors to not be overwhelmed by lack of logic and lack of understanding by other people who don't look at life in the same way: compassion and humor. The first helps in understanding that some people hit because they really cannot do anything else, because understanding something more than pure surface is totally out of their possibilities, so better not take this too personally. The second one makes at least this misaligned communication the source of something funny from time to time. I suppose INFJs are better at the first, but I'm definitely better at the second.

[@cosmicqueen4530]

I relate to this as being neurodivergent too. The masking is real.

[@veronicalagor4771]

Honestly, this description sounds an awful lot like neurodivergence. Neurodivergence with a special interest in psychology and people hahaha.

[@debbieatkerson5241]

This information totally resonated with me! I have been in groups where people just don't even wait for a speaker to take a breath before interrupting. When I finally find a place to speak, I blurt out all the stuff in my head and everyone stops speaking, trying to process what I've said. I realize I have skipped so far ahead, it's like I'm talking about a different subject!!! I can be rather extroverted, know how to act, and it is an act, when I really need to communicate, and people get the wrong idea. They seem to LOVE that fake person, and when I'm the real me, they shut down. Lord help me.

[@mayhawthorn5092]

Help me too Lord!

[@silentgrove7670]

I am an ENFP and feel rejected by society. I wish I was an introvert as being an extrovert at this time is near impossible in the narcissistic society that is blossoming around me. I have gone into introvert mode to keep my sanity.

[@annabon2540]

I can size up a person in a few minutes of talking to them. No one even tries to understand me, I feel invisible most of the time, even with people I’ve known for a long time. They are so shallow, nothing inside. I am so tired, I do t try anymore. 😔

[@Ela29653]

I have found if you train people to view you as a bit odd, it doesn't come as a surprise when you are being yourself and pointing out some hard truths. They kind of start realising we somehow know the real truth about a lot of things which was a mystery to them. So be yourself, which just means don't try to fit a mould. Who we are , is a lot more elevated to the norm. We are actually profoundly refreshing and it is beyond most normal people.

[@juiceboxbabie3667]

Ignored. Kept at a distance. Judged. On the outside looking in. Not part of the group. Held back

[@ingoditrust1543]

@@juiceboxbabie3667 there is a power and huge ability in being who you are. You have an ability to make change because you don’t just jump when told to. You look at things deeply and you see issues that others don’t see or ignore because they want to fit in. This makes you powerful to bring change. You are the only person who can hold you back. No one has the power to do that unless you let them.

[@anthonychase4364]

Thanks Lauren, I've lived a long time without fully understanding the things you're talking about. I didn't realise I was an INFJ until late in life. I have suffered a lot because I did not understand this until via a workplace assessment I was classified as an INFJ. I tick all of the boxes.

[@xyz-c2f3m]

God told me this with my Third Eye Blessed be God

[@retrogradepink]

ooof yes, this is the story of my life! thankfully i have encountered a few people who do seem to appreciate my weirdness, but on the everyday it seems they're greatly outnumbered by the people who really don't get me at all.

[@EcstaticSelf]

Love you, Lauren! You are amazing and such an inspiration to so many!! So glad that you are here!!

[@sl3102]

I'm almost 40 and it's still very hard for me to accept how rare it is for people to know themselves. I spend so much time reflecting on my own actions and thoughts that I don't understand what "regular" people do with their time.

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

They don’t self reflect. Self reflect, read philosophy books, think abstractly,

[@sl3102]

@@Clevelandsteamer324 But what's the alternative? To me life is reflection. What does a thought process look like that doesn't involve reflecting?

[@veronicalagor4771]

@@sl3102Just the sort of stuff discussed in the video. Whatever is right in front of them, for the most part. Or something everyone in the group can relate to, only to the extent everyone can relate to.

[@SideB1984]

I totally agree. I’ve stopped trying to fit in with autistic burnout. I left my entire life behind and learned to live authentically with my medical conditions.

[@MrWeeRhys]

Soo good as always. I can remember peoples reactions to my sudden outbursts about something i was passionate about. It's sort of embarrassing looking back because like you say im self conscious.

[@sbraganca]

I've recently come to the realization that delving into topics like psychology, healing, trauma, and spirituality during happy hours, parties, or casual moments might not be the most fitting. Reflecting on my life, I've noticed instances where I've excessively discussed these profound subjects in inappropriate settings. It seems I've gone overboard, sharing genuine sadness and engaging in heartfelt conversations that might have seemed out of place, such as discussing the loss of a friend with a stranger and shedding tears over it.

[@kacake]

I tried it for many years to try the impossible, trying to blend in a little bit, just see how I can be useful and bring value and in return get a little bit of validation. It works at first, but not for the long term. Now, this year, just interact when needed, deep dive with selected few, my kind of people who understand me.

[@ericanorton71]

People just aren't cut out to bear the weight of a truly deep connection with another person. Not the way we want. I'm married to an INFJ. I am INFJ. Neither of us has ever felt the need to fit in. We both came to the conclusion it's them, not us. 😊 We have very strong morals we will not cross. We have deep empathy others do not understand. We care "too much." Most of all, we're loners. We aren't part of the herd. Why would we want to be? If I hadn't met my husband, I'd be happily living with my cats, alone, and just fine. Hermitism was the answer for us.

[@ingoditrust1543]

I knew I did not like groups when younger so I did my own thing. In my work years though I noticed I didn’t fit in at all.I started getting sad because i could see some people just loved to hate me. I also speak out when I see injustice which makes me a good target for leadership. I came up with this saying to cope with it, that at least 10% of the people I meet will never like me, no matter what I do. It is not my duty to change their minds, my duty is to live life and not care what they think. Every time I come across someone I can see dislikes me I say to myself, “she/He is part of my 10%”. It enables me to get over it fast and move on.

[@marvolo44]

Thank you for this, that's some good insight and advice.

[@darrenparkes9805]

It is a correct feeling, but I’ve worked hard to change my mindset, I now laugh at myself , the understanding of what an INFJ is has helped me to understand the life I’ve inherited, I’m an INFJ from australia.,

[@lancelotdufrane]

Nice breakdown. Just to share hope to younger INFJs. I’m old. It gets easier. The more years you live, the less you “want” to blend in. I’m happy to be separate. I don’t admire much of anything I see. You are incredible. Have Faith.

[@renashaffer3521]

I don’t feel like I’ve ever tried to fit in, I think I watch trying to understand. But even as a child I have always know who I was but also knew I was very different.

[@bohemianblackcat9467]

I'm an an INFJ and I love Existential Philosophy. It's been a harbor in the storm many times in my life. :)

[@mariannami8049]

OMG, I cannot agree more! Not only learning habits of others, feeling like an alien, I had to a emigrate to a different culture and society completely different and emotionally challenging. 30 years down the road, I’m still studying people and trying to fit in. It’s so challenging. Thank you ❤❤❤

[@remhk6672]

I beat myself up after i replay or re-enact myself over-sharing with others in an overly excited kind of way like i had too much caffeine. Those folks didnt want that...thank you for this video. Extremely helpful🙏

[@ebony41441]

I gave up with shallow people. My time is spend reading and educating myself. I don’t watch tv.

[@rosemarythyme8595]

Oh my…I have never felt so understood as I do now. I feel very awkward on jobs that require me to work closely together with coworkers. In social settings and on jobs I was the joker and made people laugh as a front even though it caused me great anxiety. I am old enough to accept I do not fit in nor do I want to at this point in my life- “I know what I am and I know what I am not” Here is my motto on life now that I’m older … I choose age and wisdom over youth and beauty any day.❤ Also I spend more time with my Ragdoll cats than people !!😂 I do have 2 good friends that have the same spiritual beliefs as I do which is very good for me. Took a long time to find real friends.

[@killuazoldyck7586]

Oh my goodness you can only imagine how listening to this gave me hope and made feel sooo much better after feeling horribly odd and alone even within sitting with my sisters thank you for the advice you gave. I hope I can apply it and carry away with it through my life because sometimes its easy for me to forget or doubt things and beliefs after failing but i will die trying cause there are people out there like you exist.

[@therestlessanxiouschild]

I always get embarrassed when I get excited (the real me).

[@xavierdomenico]

I’ve never felt more seen than as of now. I am a Sophomore in college, and this is the aspect of myself I am struggling to reconcile the most. My entire life my chameleon-ness led me to believe I was fundamentally flawed and not worth loving. At one point, I even struggled to feel human!! But, slowly and surely I’ve been healing this internal wound and have begun to surround myself with people who truly see me, and where I do not feel the need to mask my true feelings. It is not easy, but I can tell I am getting to that place of internal peace. Thank you for your videos!!

[@bymdmostafa]

Hi Lauren, awesome video! I really enjoyed when you were discussing true self and the struggles of trying to find people because it really resonated with me. I know from my own experience I've had trouble trying to find my own path because of things like expectations. Kinda like how you mentioned the burst of energy and how people will look at you weird , I've had times people do similar stuff like, "why do you walk like that , or talk , or do things like that" so it made it hard to be vulnerable or be myself without feeling like I was gonna get criticized. Not to mention whenever I'm around people even if they're close to me it always feels like they just wanna talk about what they like or just trauma dump on me so it made me feel resentful and want to just stay by myself. I did actually get your INFJ Revolution book and I can say I'm feeling your struggles and excited when you mentioned a feeling I know I have but could never put into words right. It's been helping a lot and I hope I can take this to help bring more of my inner self. Thank you for your work and i hope everyone here can have a good day and love themselves no matter what people think ❤

[@ginadellgrottaglia6897]

In my 20s/30s, I'd flipped my stack or was in my shadow (well, prolly looked more like ESFP) and was a wildwoman. I found that hanging out with the underbelly of society kinda worked for awhile. They didn't reject me; we all had shame issues, cPTSD, running from sensitivities and inability to cope, etc. When I wanted more intellectual stim, I was in a college town (Albany NY) and could find it aplenty among that demographic. What I needed from one and couldn't get, I could get from the other... and vice versa. I finally found my peeps in the 'alt spirituality' crowd. I remember seeing a former classmate out in public one time and she said "Come here. Aw, c'mon. We sat in the dark together for months!" and bearhugged me. Which was ok. Cuz... we shared a _lotta_ intensity in that setting. Thanks. I giggled throughout your descriptions of our various weirdnesses. I call it 'scaring the normies'. 😁

[@SergioBlackDolphin]

The most people oriented autistic profile (masking and social dissonance) on MBTI.

[@xavierdomenico]

I always think about this, sometimes I genuinely wonder if I have some form of autism but then realize things aren’t so black and white. A lot of natural personality traits can allign with certain “disorders” but what seperates them is the origin of such behaviors and the way they present in action.

[@SergioBlackDolphin]

@@xavierdomenico I thought so too. However, I think that if you mix INFJ with trauma, most of the assessors out there would detect autism. Nowadays, diagnosis are a joke. A three pages form and a rushed one hour “chat” with the assessor.

[@mgasparywriter]

​@@xavierdomenico me too 😂

[@muma6559]

that's very interesting about INTJ and ISTP who also feel they don't fit in, but it doesn't bother them that much (a puzzle slot for sure, big confirmation)

[@sigmainfjbulgaria4478]

I like to perceive being misunderstood and being rejected as two separated things. A misunderstanding can lead to rejection if you don't stand behind your words and actions. Otherwise you will think of how to argue your words and actions first and in result you will see that there are too many brick walls around you, too many people that are too close-minded for your intensity, but at least you can see them so you can know that you can't show certain sides of you in front of this, this and this people, but as bad is it sounds this is the best way of strengthening your perceptions of who is right for you to show your emotional and intense side that you mostly keep hidden.

[@WhammyBamber-wn2jv]

Iv been ....many times...at a redundancy hearings ..and i ask for the reason for being sacked by the company.....they have nothing to offer but....'you just dont fit in'..... Now it makes sense why that is....in my 50s its been a challenging life...

[@hugmc]

We self isolate even in company we are like a tortoise pulling our head in

[@Muckly77]

I love being a turtle. Always carrying my home with me, wherever it feels safe because the outside world can be a mine-field.

[@Sosimples650]

Why can’t we just be ourselves and be liked? Why do we have to be fake to be liked?

[@Muckly77]

How about: We love ourselves, and like ourselves just the way we are. That's what matters! If others have an issue with us, it's their business. It took many years to get to this stage but it's so important to love ourselves just for who we are. Authentic beings! 🙂

[@hollybigelow5337]

@@Muckly77​​⁠​​⁠That works with one caveat - if we aren’t relying on anyone else to survive. Part of this is making sure we have options. If I have say 50 people who would like to be my friend, I can be the true me and even if 40 of those people reject me I will still have friends. If I have 50 employers who want to hire me, I can be my true self, and even if 40 of those employers reject me I can still have an income. If 50 people want to date me, then I can be my true self and even if 40 reject me I can still have a romantic partner. I’m still trying to figure out the full solution for this, but the problem is we all have needs that genuinely can only be fulfilled with the help of other people. Unless you are planning on moving out into the wilderness to survive on your own and hunt/plant your own food and build your own house, etc., etc., you have to be accepted enough to be able to make an income and buy the necessities of life such as food, clothing, and shelter. An INFJ may stay single for a lifetime, but the truth is the human body has genuine biological needs to have romantic relationships and friendships, and if we don’t have those needs met it’s going to manifest in physical and biological pain even if we don’t consciously acknowledge it. There is a huge amount of healing that can come from accepting ourselves as we are. There is also a huge amount of healing that comes from finding our tribe of people who understand and respect us and love us as we are. But that doesn’t mean we automatically can all safely live as our authentic selves without caring what other people think and not possibly pay a price for doing that. For example, a 12 year old who wants to live as their authentic selves who has parents who do not understand or respect who they are can live a very miserable life if they don’t learn how to mask because they are highly dependent on their parents at that age to survive. Learning to love ourselves and not having to rely on everyone else loving us is certainly a great first step. And if you have found an employer who respects and embraces that and a romantic partner who embraces that and a friend group who embraces that and you don’t live in a small town where the options can be so limited that if the grocery store owner denies you service because you are different it may be hard to find food, then this strategy will work. But if you are still in a place where you are dependent in any way for your physical and/or emotional safety and well being on people who refuse to see and respect you for who you really are, then you are still going to have to find a way to mask to get your needs met, even if this is completely unfair.

[@lokoers]

So much wisdom here 🙏

[@williamcastilla1963]

Lauren, you are a super lovely empathetic person. God richly bless you and yours. I can clearly understand why so many INFJ's (including myself) highly appreciate the content in this video.

[@southernroots3896]

You’re phenomenal! Sincerely, I thank you for every upload ❤

[@Anilemable]

Thank you so much, Lauren, as always, your explanations are so good and help me to understand myself better :)

[@Queen_Sylvia]

It’s so nice to be seen-really seen! This is the story of my life. I remember the observation and study of the popular kids to understand who I needed to be to fit in. I also made a list of “types of people” I could potentially be so others could understand and react to me better. Yes, a physical list. I settled into scholar and musician because I clearly didn’t have what it took to be popular cheerleader girl. 🤣🤣🤣 I had a good group of friends in HS, but never had the deeper feelings of true acceptance. I found my tribe in college!

[@mariannami8049]

Very much spot on. Thank you for your episodes on this topic. I’m learning so much more about myself. So true when we suppress real self it does come back in huge “ firehose” bursts. I’ve experienced this many times in life and it fired back. Through this channel I’m learning about myself as much as about other “ normal” people and how to effectively interact with them as an INFJ. Thank you. ❤❤❤

[@20bluelilies]

Even just listening to a small portion of this video, it felt like reliving all the kicked in the guts feelings of not fitting in, not being understood. And I was interested to then feel how I wanted to retreat into myself so completely, that I then displayed anger towards the next person who attempted to engage me in conversation. How much of my introversion is just me attempting to soothe and/or avoid the hurt...

[@craigbarrett2278]

We pull away from office politics.....but when others are in a pinch, we are the first asked to save the day.

[@katerinaf4903]

Thank you for this. I am very much an INFJ and everything you say about us is on point. This video also came in a very timely fashion. I’ve been struggling fitting in at work and your advice is incredibly helpful to me. Thank you again

[@bobfreitas6039]

Yup, absolutely nailed it! It's okay though, because I ended up just walking away from that life. Everyone thought I was having a mid-life crisis, but I know it was a mid-life awakening. Now I just need to figure out how to live the rest of my life as a successful INFJ. Thanks for contributing to that!

[@GesuHeche-fv4hx]

You really articulate subtleties very well. So helpful

[@spiritwanderer777]

Such a great video, thank you for your valuable input. Until recently I did not understand why people found me weird or uncomfortable whenever I got excited and shared my inner thoughts. Now I understand and you described me so accurately.

[@chess6767]

Thank you for your kind and thorough explanation. This actually bothered me for quite a while since I stepped into adulthood.

[@michaeljode4350]

Unbelievable video. Thank you.

[@taketheredpill1452]

From our perspective: 1. Sensates are animals; just smile and back away slowly. 2. Thinkers are on the psychopathic spectrum. Once identified, NEVER have a relationship with them.

[@mayhawthorn5092]

Wow. You may be right....

[@pinkraingirl]

I think things have gotten better with age. I have slowly started to ignore what my friends and family think of me and focused on my intellectual and nerdy pursuits that interest me. And while that can be lonely I have friends for various sides of myself who support me in whatever I'm pursuing or struggling with at the time. I find making friends through shared interests is a good method. Thank you for your videos!

[@meganarencibia9166]

I absolutely love you. For you to be THIS on point to my personality. I’m literally laughing as you’re talking bcuz I feel so seen maybe for like the first time ever truly at 💯 I’m super grateful to have found your channel yesterday 🎉

[@DynamicExecutiveCoaching]

Jacque Lacan did some great work on this subject. A way to avoid having to "fit in", is to keep people's attention on themselves. People love to talk about themselves. If you can keep them as the topic of conversation, and spend your time asking questions instead of speaking, they will think that you are the most interesting person on earth without knowing one iota about you, and you can travel through life quite smoothly.

[@Muckly77]

It's time! We need to accept ourselves for who we are, the good, the bad and the ugly. We don't need others to validate us. We need to value ourselves. We belong. Just look below how many we are already on this page! Not too many, but enough to know that we can finally say: We accept ourselves just the way we are. We are no longer alone on this healing journey. We are seen for who we are. All we need to do is reach out to those that allows us to be ourselves, and to feel safe! 🙂

[@atelierVIVA]

This is so very helpful, thank you Lauren 🙏🏻 Almost 10 months ago I moved to Italy to a smaller town with an intact community. Many lovely people and plenty giving me the 'What are you doing here. Loads of Happy Hours, and much of what you mentioned. I am the odd ball artist and mostly self isolating. It's more challenging than I expected. Finding my peeps, l am not sure where to look. Additionally I am presently learning Italian. Not that many people speaking English. ...that should make for a good story for my first book 😂 It's just great to know you all exist! Much love 💞

[@lesliethurston2151]

Thank you for the scope of these topics. Curiously, how much does the family unit forge the role of the INFJ carrying their shame? If an INFJ were raised in a "healthy" nucleus, then how much less pronounced would the core shame be? I was raised by a malignant narcissistic father, and the shame began from infancy. Despite the inner work performed, and continue to do, I still always feels that dull ache inside, especially when I need to seek assistance from others despite a circumstance being out of my control. I feel insufficient and unworthy of help. This shame goes dormant but when ignited, I feel it hard. Does this ever fully evaporate?

[@ScottieBeanZ]

A great video! Thanks for your work Lauren!

[@katec9893]

Wow this is so accurate. I was v unpopular and bullied in primary school. When we moved house at age 10 I decided I'd had enough and basically created a new persona for secondary school so I wouldn't get bullied. I became popular, was in multiple friendship groups, big social life. But after graduating from uni I became clinically depressed. It took me until my late 20s to realise I wasn't being myself. I had a lot of therapy and changed my job, hobbies and let go of most of my old friends. A few of them stayed but eventually they ditched me after criticising me calling me weird. I'm now alone most of the time, it's surreal and too lonely. I've recently met some new people but I'm nervous about them getting to know me and thinking I'm weird then rejecting me. I always get either INFJ or INFP on the test, mostly INFP since I let go of my old academic career and became more creative.

[@marianmcoy7816]

I wonder if INFJ’s tend to be writers?

[@bumblebee_ms]

Yes, we are mostly in 3 different categories, they are: 1) Nursing/Coaching/Counselling, 2) Artists & 3) Writers. It makes sense.

[@Muckly77]

@@bumblebee_ms I hopped between them all at some stage. Now I am mainly into writing And gardening. Self-growth is wonderful. 🙂

[@bumblebee_ms]

@@Muckly77 I totally agree!

[@brianhales1416]

Personally, I've lost interest in what others think or feel about me as what they think or feel about me has no ground to stand on, especially whenever assumption comes along to gossip in hushed whispers and stares as though I should be moved to conform to their way seeing things in which would only leave me blind. When I was younger, I was all about wanting to fit in appeasing others to the point of being exploited as I felt deeply about wanting to belong since I had grown up in a broken home, whereas my ma worked long hours to keep sis and me roofed clothed and feed dad left when I was 2 and showed up every now and then in a 5 year span. Sis and I, for the most part, raised ourselves. School was of no help since I had the privilege of wearing a cone that in bold letters read DUNCE from tip to bottomed out. I sat as an example of what not to be if you want to be somebody in this life that I was nobody before a class of my peers in which they were given permission to have a laugh at my expense. It didn't discourage me from wanting to belong somewhere. Beholden, a notion that at least I'll be accepted for the shell of my existence if not tolerated as with this prospects of family, I couldn't let it go for grasping at air in free fall. Thankfully, I've come to a realization that I was better off on the outside as opposed to fitting in a box. I wasn't simply looking in through one aspect as to see various aspects and for people to think or feel whatever it is that disturbs them about me, have no room to judge me. My soul's testimony will suffice

[@angelemily2201]

11:50 this topic heavily reminded me of the morning before my mom's wedding last year. Everyone was working on make up, outfits and food, but I just stayed in my bedroom with my older cousin. (I was 15 at the time, she was 22. And we hadn't seen eachother in over 2 years.) I was a really awkward silence for about 15 minutes, when she suddenly asked me what my hobbies were nowadays. I started ranting about Art, story writing and low and behold 🌟psychology🌟 I went from silent to dumping psychology facts and my own personal opinions. She quietly listened to everything I said, and even asked me questions, so I got susper excited and went on a deeper rant. After I calmed down a bit, she said that I was probably the wisest teenager she had met 😅 I was used to being told I didn't know enough because I was a teenager and teenagers are bound to make stupid mistakes. But she was the first adult who genuinely said she learnt a thing or two just from that short conversation. She's an awesome older cousin. I wish I could see her more often.❤

[@martysaur1106]

There’s so many narcissistic people, and apologists and sympathisers of these people, like no one can see them ?

[@jennifercatherinekarel8925]

ThankYou, you gave me language to my turmoil.

[@CrystalMouse1]

Might wanna add that some of us have additional things on top of our INFJ-ness. I’m Codependent, disabled, have C-PTSD, ADHD, Bipolar disorder, Autism and am transgendered and gay. Lotta stuff going on

[@williamcastilla1963]

Try the Lord Jesus Christ -He will never turn you away or let you down. I swear you won't regret it.

[@whimsylore]

A loop get stuck in - if so few people get us or are even interested, what's the point of making and sharing?

[@Justice-tk3dr]

I always say weird is wonderful!! I like being different it's what makes me special! I used to hide the real me but, I don't anymore. I've had people who've known me my whole life ask if I'm on drugs, tell me I've changed, etc.. I don't let it bother me. The way I look at it, if they can't handle the real me then they're not worth my time. That's how I find out who my people are. I don't think I've ever met an INJF, which is sad because I desperately desire to meet someone I can have deep talks with. They're far and few between.. Actually, I have met one person that not only could I have those talks with but, we agreed on most things. That was so wonderful!! She was my best friend and my exs sister in law. So when we broke up I lost that friendship. It still hurts to this day because I don't know if I'll ever find that again.

[@davidsefton8452]

This really chimes with me - thanks - I’m INFJ-T according to my test at work

[@JuandelaCruz001]

I'm 49 now and have made peace with myself about my difficult life, and how I'll never be able to fit in. . . Which is actually LIBERATING. Problem though is that I'm a bit athletic. I wish there were more like me. I don't have a wall climbing studio nearby either.

[@itsHeatherKay]

That’s funny what you said about studying an alien culture… I was very low in the eyes of my classmates in grade 7. I studied them intensely and was popular by the next year.

[@InferisDCB]

I usually explain it as 'stepping on toes', and most people have very long toes. They will attack me, because I showed them a problem that they have never seen. I usually judge their level of normal and only show them the part of me that they will most likely accept - to keep the peace/to try and do good for the group. I also sometimes purposefully step over the 'normal' boundary of some people that feel toxic to me, because they will choose to stay away from me. A win for both parties. But I also no longer hold back in discussions. When people ask, they get all of me. Even when that sometimes causes some people to turn away. The idea is to stay true to myself. Hoping the best people show themselves and stay. Thank you for confirming, I should show that side especially during dates. Even though that has caused people to turn away and almost start running and screaming.

[@Mindsetolympics]

This burst where I say something that throws people off... ... ...happened to me JUST RECENTLY last week on the job....it turned into like a playground bullying situation -_- (INFP) I can do the surface big events, but the issue is that I don't have anyone to go with that gets me....-_-

[@Wellch]

I am an INFP, some of us feel rejected too. But I am almost sure that INFJ have it worse.

[@ebony41441]

Also office’s have a lot of narcs.

[@amrutak4945]

Very relevant. Thank you ❤️

[@HL-_-424]

Being a chameleon makes it hard to know who you are when you don't know or you forgot. It's a great gift but its buried as well 😅 i love it 🎉

[@ElGhoulSoufedj]

INFP here but it's incredible how similar it is for me as well, I forgot it's an episode about INFJ

[@aapotervio5251]

this is 101% true for me ❤ THANK YOU

[@lifelonglearner7305]

Finding our people....I'm 5 months away from turning 50 years old (half a century!) and its like trying to find a needle in a haystack that's the size of the USA! Yes, our personality type enjoys certain things like reading, learning, being creative, being in nature, and having experiences, etc. However, I really like how you clarified the fact that even these things that we have in common splinter off into very specific and quite different subsets. For example the book clubs you mentioned, (what type of book club is it? That is very important.) If they're reading science fiction I will not be the least bit interested. And even being nature, some folks wanna climb Mount Everest which is "in nature" but a complete nightmare to someone like me who just wants to sit or slowly walk in nature and stop to examine a leaf or watch the behavior and limb jumping ability of a squirrel; those are 2 very differnt "in nature" scenerios. So that narrows the "my people" search down even further. Thankfully I don't mind my own company though. I make myself laugh and constantly learn new things. But it would just be an awesome thing to find another very similar type of person to laugh and explore with. My husband is an ENTJ. We are a unique combo but quite different. And we balance eachother out, but it would be nice to have INFJ friends. Thank you for your videos.

[@AngiePangie_23]

Infj is authentic person and we can learn other people's mind. So,, oftentimes in the team meeting they feel insecure because what we say it always true and it always happens.