The Single Greatest Predictor of Divorce is...

[@bendelia1878]

Anyone else not married or even in a relationship and watching these videos to practice

[@Irondragon1945]

Not me, I want to plan an organic divorce for me and my wife

[@Tenduere]

@@Irondragon1945 organic? without pesticides and synthetic fertilizers?

[@tammygarrett8427]

@@Irondragon1945 What is an organic divorce?

[@Thankwikipedia]

No. I’m in a super happy and healthy relationship built on communication and trust, so I watch these and feel validated we are doing it right 😅

[@Firefly-LitWithin]

I hope so. Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to marriage…or anything else, frankly. By the way, Ostriches don’t put their heads in the sand 😆

[@marthasimons7940]

Prior to my third marriage I asked my fiance if he thought it would be a good idea for both of us to go to therapy so we didn't bring old baggage into the marriage. He said, " I always wanted to go to therapy." That's when I knew our marriage would last. 35 years later, we still find there are new ways we love each other. We both know we would go to the ends of the earth for one another. 💓

[@GenXfrom75]

Awww congrats 🎉

[@alexiswilliamsinc]

💕❤️‍🩹💕❤️‍🩹💕🥲 Blessings.

[@joannesmith8840]

I like this.

[@joannesmith8840]

Wise words.

[@lindamolyneux3536]

So wonderful!!

[@Lilo-A]

Turning yourself inside out to find a way to reconnect to a partner who is no longer showing up is soul-wrenching.

[@charlie-girl72]

Truly!!! 💯%

[@theghoulgals2474]

Going thru that now. 😢

[@hayleywhite345]

Going through this now.

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

"Narcissists can fake a lot of things, but they don't fake accountability." 100%, this is great advice! If someone cannot take accountability early on, just walk away.

[@nataliamach7248]

what f they can and later on refuse

[@Dr.Drakken_]

I’m realizing I maybe narrist. Is it possible to ever change. I want to. I don’t want to live like this any more

[@kovenmaitreya7184]

@@Dr.Drakken_ Other than therapy, try meditations where you reparent your inner self and give it whatever idea of a loving healthy childhood as you can imagine. Its just an idea I've thought about as I've known a LOT of narcisstic trait people.

[@Pearlstrand]

If only I'd known that when I met my ex, it would have saved me decades of misery and an expensive divorce. Plenty of red flags but I didn't know what they meant. 🚩

[@JensBigBlend]

@@Dr.Drakken_I have some Narc traits. When the lightbulb for me went off I quickly got into therapy. I was worried I was a narcissist as well because my ex consistently called me one when I tried to set boundaries. Regardless I still did some problematic and toxic things. EMDR therapy has been really helpful. Sometimes I wish my ex and I had been on a more positive path so that I could have shared with him that he too could get help (he was without a doubt a narcissist and was deflecting). But he passed away before I could share.

[@angeldonnelly4433]

You have to mindfully choose each other every single day. People think that stops the minute they put the rings on.

[@Clleonie]

When intimacy outside of sex dies the relationship is over.

[@j.b.9581]

Close talkers, best friends who went everywhere together and talked about everything under the sun . . with spirted conversation . . kept us together for 47-plus years. Separated by the death of a spouse. Met in high school, and we saved each other's lives several times, back and forth. Trusted my spouse with my very life.

[@maggies88]

@@Jmc989 One of my brothers is like that. His wife is totally his best friend. They are a team. I think my other brother is like that as well but doesn't talk about it. I think their relationships are 15 and 20 years long at this point. Both are under 45 years of age.

[@lobo1368]

@@j.b.9581i always wanted that

[@victoryamartin9773]

In that case we were doomed before we started.

[@AmbiixROX]

@@Jmc989likely female. They have a prior comment mentioning spouse as “he”

[@pattygrant7858]

RESPECT is so important for relationships to continue. Once that is gone the relationship/marriage is over.

[@EldenAlchemist]

This

[@francesbeth2077]

It's creating an honorable foundation. Respectfulness is then part of the equation.

[@yazajag]

I agree. It's sad I have friends who think this doesn't exist and stay in relationships where they are treated like a second or even last thought.

[@hibiscus1974]

True!

[@nbf_279]

yup sad.

[@elisegray6962]

"The level of your resentment, irritation, anger, contempt, that you feel towards someone on a consistent basis is directly related to the level of boundary setting and internal work you are not doing"

[@miryreina925]

​@TD-bu9wv of course YOU HAVE TO BE PATIENT. 🙄

[@TD-bu9wv]

@@miryreina925 so sweet of you to say, thank you.

[@nbf_279]

thank u

[@cherylannebarillartist7453]

Contempt can be nonverbal and even silent.

[@barbarastrate8388]

THANK YOU! This is most of what it's been in my experience but because it's underground it's easier to dismiss or for others to recognize it for what it is.

[@cherylannebarillartist7453]

@@barbarastrate8388 I’m just finding your message now. YT doesn’t always send notifications. And yes! It can also make it more difficult for us to realize for ourselves. Here’s to all of our courage to figure it out and to the healing the follows! ✨💖✨

[@margienegri1210]

Jimmy, I'm a therapist and I love your work. I send your shorts and your videos to do many of my clients, as you reinforce what they are practicing and learning! Thank you!

[@dk5755]

Respect, trust, honesty, integrity, accountability! All non-negotiables.

[@lillipraisan1899]

I’m so glad you said this video advice is not going to work on a narcissist. He’s not interested in taking true accountability and repairing the deep hurt he’s caused. I don’t feel safe, understood, much less heard, or cared for by this narcissist’s toxic, very stubbornly prideful, and extremely disrespectful way of relating. Had to walk away because what’s the point; it’ll be a doomed relationship to have anyways to be with someone with such a fragile ego. He interprets everything as an attack and tears me down and berates me to no end with yelling, attacking me from my looks to everything and anything that’s not even based in reality just to hurt me, then the silent treatment, the works. Who interprets a girl asking innocently “hey, do you have anymore ketchup?” as the trigger to go full blast WWIII on me. This is one incident out of countless others. Wow, just putting these words down makes me embarrassed to admit publicly that I allowed him to treat me that way more than once. His triggers are many and I can’t be on the receiving end of his monstrosity anymore. I LOVE me more. Thank you for your funny Facebook skits and videos like these.

[@jillcorsiglia5796]

❤❤❤

[@celinalasala8490]

I completely understand you!!! ❤

[@kendradamm1428]

Been there, done that. So glad you got out. And you are right…there is no point. Period. They aren’t in it to understand you…they are playing a toxic game to “win” at any cost. 😢

[@sharicoburn5475]

I'm glad that you realize that it will never change a narcissist can not change and it's better to just move on

[@Loveispatient_2024]

You describe my husband. We have a 8 month old baby, he is 50 and i am 42. Before the marriage he was mister perfect. After marriage he became mister satan while being christian. I cant leave just like that, there is a housing crisis. So i have to enduro until i found a house. Wish all women who has such a evil husband Gods blessing and take care of yourself ❤

[@jadegreen1554]

Let’s remember, when Jimmy says “go repair, go work on your relationship” he means with a partner who is NOT toxic. This needs to be assessed first when things break down. A partner who is able to be honestly and genuinely accountable, consistently over a long term, makes all the difference between one who is toxic or one who might have potential.

[@jenjenkins]

You can both be toxic (which is the case much of the time) and choose to heal and grow. It doesn't mean every part of either partner is toxic. Nor does it mean there's no hope.

[@mariehughey5390]

I like holding hands. It’s simple and sweet. I feel connected and significant when we hold hands. Together 20 years. So far, so good.

[@kitreppond9465]

Big same! Hasn't been 20 years yet, though, can't claim that one. But lord, do I hope we make it there and past!

[@aurea.]

In my first relationship and I hope we never get bored of holding hands, it's especially cute when he initiates 😊

[@AverageAufa]

I love holding hands but if I don’t reach for his first, he almost never does it. I’m filing for divorce (not for this reason alone of course). I wish he could just acknowledge that my wife loves to hold hands, even if I don’t get it, she feels loved when I do, so I will. 😢

[@Rebecca-m3s]

When we worked together, we were often told "you guys are so cute and show how marriage can/should be", just because we always hold hands. 31 years and we are still each other's ONE.

[@kadd4415]

That was awesome. I heard a Pastor teach that we know to be polite and considerate to strangers but we can forget to do that in our own family- where we should express even more caring.

[@nbf_279]

yup

[@SuzanneLegendre]

This is utopia for me. After a 24 year marriage with a true narcissist, then a divorce, followed by a relationship with a man who ALWAYS walked away and gave me the silent treatment when I brought up feelings, it’s really hard to believe that I can meet a man that has empathy like you’re talking about

[@FRI3113]

That man who has empathy and Love for you will come in your life when you've done the work that will establish firmly your self love, self respect and healthy boundaries. When you'll be your 1st, your last and your everything... ❤

[@lobo1368]

I have never met one. Many divorces and very disgusted

[@jojo-pk]

You will find one. Don't waste your time with the others, make sure you're ready when he comes along :)

[@YukonFox1972]

@@jojo-pk Nah. There are no guarantees. Not everyone finds a compatible partner who has mutual attraction. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@jojo-pk]

@@YukonFox1972 of course there are no guarantees 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@Newtonwilson-yw4kg]

Perfect marriages or relationships don't really exist; each one is special. What works for one person might not work for another. But I've come to realize that there's always a solution to every problem. Five years back, my wife and I were close to getting divorced because of issues in our marriage, but we found a way to make things right. It was hard, but we got through it.

[@oglaskubuot]

I genuinely want to find happiness too. I'm in a relationship, and even though we're apart at the moment, I can't imagine my life without her; my love for her is big. I really want her to return, and I'm fully committed to making it happen. We've tried different ways, like therapy, to mend things.

[@Newtonwilson-yw4kg]

Saying farewell to someone you love dearly is never easy, but in my case, I had the assistance of a spiritual counselor who saved my marriage from falling apart. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.

[@oglaskubuot]

I'll immediately search for her online. I appreciate it. I'm hopeful that adopting this strategy will also bring about positive changes for me; I miss her deeply

[@Newtonwilson-yw4kg]

you will not regret it

[@BA-bb3bj]

Because you both wanted to. You turned towards one another.

[@stephw5733]

Unfortunately why I'm getting a divorce. My husband isn't a bad person, he just views empathy as insincerity, refuses counseling in any form and sees conflict resolution as a gripe list. It still makes me very sad, but I won't live like that and end up with both of us bitter and angry.

[@aubripope7123]

Your story reminds me of one from a book I just read, called the Four seasons of marriage by Gary Chapman. He writes about so many people who were the only spouse trying, reclaiming marriages that were always rocky, and, after implementing the strategies he prescribed, coming back claiming that they had never known they could be so happy in their marriage. I just finished it a few days ago, and am already seeing positive changes in my own marriage. Just a thought... It is a short read, and might just be worth it. 🤗

[@TokyoBlue587]

Good for you for finally getting free! Empathy and respect are non-negotiable necessities.

[@mellieshine458]

Sounds like a covert narcissist… I saw no conflict and not arguing as “safe”. Ironically what made me feel safe is the very thing that made me feel unsafe in the end after a 30 year relationship. A very one sided relationship. Awareness, knowing the red flags is crucial. Channels like this helps so much. I’ll never be that same and I hope everyone is listening and not learning the hard way like I did.

[@ggrace1133]

@@aubripope7123glad you’re seeing improvement. I haven’t at all and pretty much felt he made the “happier than ever before” claims up. Actually, I still think that. But I’m happy you’re seeing improvement. Hope it continues for you.

[@dls5690]

I’m considering divorce, because anytime I wanted to discuss something that he/we need to work on, he’d shut me down, because he didn’t want to fight. We can’t have a healthy marriage if he won’t allow for discussions and healthy arguments. He doesn’t want to go to counseling because people might think our marriage is in trouble, and that he’s not perfect. He has a persona and a facade that he wants to keep up. If he doesn’t see the need to change then there’s no hope.

[@flipphone4755]

It was apathy for me. Once I didn’t care either way anymore I knew there was no hope. Still married until the kids are grown, counting down the days.

[@Just_Futzing_Around]

Ditto

[@kathyallen7964]

I watched this video w my husband, and it really helped. We discussed takeaways after watching, and it opened conversation that we haven't been able to have in quite a while. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

[@queenprotein]

I started listening to you in March and realized i was in this very situation. I managed to calmly advocate for my needs but he was really spiraling as i drew my boundaries. But it made the divorce amicable. I owe a lot to your videos and information but i was so deep in my pain back then i couldn’t see the forest from the trees. ❤

[@SharonGray-h6p]

I find it helpful when you offer the practical examples: "what i just explained looks like X"; "it does not look like X". Thank you.

[@betsyveritas1055]

What's difficult, is that men are taught their whole lives how to hide from emotion & emoting & women are taught to go after it. We're raised to be polar opposites & then, expected to get along. It doesn't work- not even a little.

[@aaniyahbooker5348]

Literally I say this all the time. Whoever thought that was a good idea sucks

[@Enhdros]

Someone here wrote about how her partner agreed to go to therapy at the start of their relationship and that’s how she knew it’d work, in my case I asked my partner to come with me to counselling as we were on the doors of divorce and she answered “are you going to run to your counsellor every time we have an argument!?”, that’s when I knew this marriage isn’t going to last.

[@Sweet_Malou]

My husband and I just had our 25th wedding anniversary but we are at a crossroads and I have asked him to get counseling with me throughout the years and he always refused. This time he agreed to it. We went to one session where the therapist was just a bad fit for us and didn’t understand us, she said “I don’t know what to tell ya” several times! And now he refuses to go ever again saying “I told you it was a waste of time.” So now we can’t get any help. I’m going to therapy on my own but there’s only so much I can do to fix this if he doesn’t do his part.

[@kfoster3616]

@@Sweet_Malou ask yourself....Do you think it will get better or worse?

[@Sweet_Malou]

@@kfoster3616 I really don’t think it will get better.

[@GenXfrom75]

Jimmy, even those of us out here with decades of marriage can learn from your videos. Thank you 💜

[@danielx555]

My first response was contempt, and then as I listened to you describe the absence of intimate interaction preceding fighting, I realized that that is very related to contempt. Contempt is negativity with the message that you do not even deserve respect. Contempt is the withholding of love and support. It's a cold and sneering attitude, and where there is contempt there is no love.

[@deec411]

I finally walked away from a toxic relationship and it is so freeing and wonderful. Wish I did it so much sooner!! ✨

[@trevorm772]

I left for a week and went to Cali. I only stayed for two days it was the best ( I had to go back home early for her)ever and I slept in a rental car. Just the peace of no stress

[@reneepoole84]

My husband and I have been married for nearly 18 years, and we have 5 kids together. I homeschool our kids as well as take care of the house, get the kids to sports and appointments, do the grocery shopping, etc. I have watched many of your videos, Jimmy, and I learn something new in each one, including this one. Thank you for doing these!

[@ajregalia1334]

What does your husband do?

[@willowwisp-i9m]

​@ajregalia1334 As a homeschooling mom, I'm guessing the husband works a lot. To pay for things. Like the wife staying home.

[@reneepoole84]

@@ajregalia1334 he is a software programmer

[@reneepoole84]

@@ajregalia1334 he's a software programmer.

[@reneepoole84]

@@willowwisp-i9m he works the typical M-F 8-5. No extra hours or anything. I also work two jobs from home and own my own online boutique on top of everything else.

[@karenthompson1337]

For the last 8 years my hubby’s personal hygiene has tanked. He thinks showers more than once a week are unnecessary. When I complain he says I just don’t like the way a ‘real’ man smells. I feel this is hugely disrespectful.

[@mariehughey5390]

@@karenthompson1337 sort of passive aggressive? No?

[@mariehughey5390]

I mean him, not you.

[@MommaJ358]

You don’t have to answer but just ask yourself some questions: does he still expect sex when he hasn’t showered? If he smells bad, then that’s pretty disrespectful. Not to mention, some women get yeast infections or even bladder infections when things aren’t clean down there. This becomes more of a problem than just being odd about showers and cleanliness. I’m guessing it doesn’t turn you on that he’s not showering…have you mentioned that to him at all? If this were my husband, I’d just have to let him understand we don’t have sex until you shower. I’m not taking a chance on a yeast infection because he refuses to take a 10 minute shower and wash off. I apologize if I took this in another direction but being married does include sex so figured I’d go there. 😬

[@karenthompson1337]

@@MommaJ358 oh yes, he certainly does. I've just gotten over another bacterial, not yeast, infection. We have fought many times over this and he accuses me of infidelity (which I have not done) for the reason I don't wish to be intimate. It's very frustrating.

[@MommaJ358]

@@karenthompson1337 that sounds horrible…I’m sorry🥺

[@GilMcGillivary]

My ex put me down too many times, denied intimacy, microcheated - I hung on for our adult kids, but realize now I need to do for myself.

[@kfoster3616]

we often realize things too late - you are not alone

[@chiahuihsu8306]

I rarely leave messages at videos, but I want to thank you for "rumbling" along all the things that I wish I could hear from my narc husband. There's a huge hollow in my heart, and now I am too tired to work for this"marriage" anymore.

[@melaniecaron1650]

5 min in and I just realized I don't want to work it out.

[@Quagthistle]

I would say that all are related. It's lack of respect that seems to me to end marriages, and that seed starts small, but it grows if you feed it, just like anything else in our lives.

[@billywills4391]

What we say and do has roots in our thoughts. We must develop and practice the skill of discipline over our thoughts. Be respectful, forgiving, and loving in your thoughts as well as your words and actions.

[@kristentt]

We are there. We had counselors that told us how we needed to handle conflict. After 4 weeks of silent treatment, I begged him to not do that again. He did 2 days later. He has given me the silent treatment. Forget the handling conflict like I thought we were...using timeouts...he refused to be in the same room with me for 3 mos. 😢 And when I tell him he hurt me, he says I'm not a victim here and he isn't "doing anything". I can't make a marriafe work like that 😢😢 I'm so tired of him breaking every agreement we make. I've made changes...he ignores. Bc he wants to blame me for all. I see this isn't going to work. As much as I have tried. No matter what I do now, he keeps holding past over me. I've made changes. He just refuses tp see.any bc he wanted yo blame me for everything. I've literally given up 😢

[@tonifish3879]

The silent treatment is emotional abuse. When a man stone walls is when a woman gives up

[@barbaradejaynes7612]

You deserve to be treated with respect. I had the same situation. I kicked him out. My life is so much better. Praying for you 🙏

[@peacelove7437]

He’s a narcissist. Only narcissist will give you the silent treatment.

[@kristentt]

We are at 3.5 mos of silent treatment now. 😢 I'm working on myself...and getting more used to being without him...

[@ram47863]

​@@kristentt just divorce him, go somewhere else, or go back to your parents house

[@basement_culture]

My guy and I moved pretty fast. We’ve squeezed A LOT into the last 5 months. We sat and watched this together and we are both stupid glad we did. Thank you.❤

[@tinachristy3212]

💯 true! This video should be a requirement for every premarital counseling session!

[@pardalote]

My hubby and I have just had our 29 year anniversary! Yay! We still love each other dearly after all this time. At the same time, it's been hard work. We both have social communication and other challenges (I'm Autistic, he has ADHD). I am in awe of the depth of understanding and social intelligence Jimmy has. To be able to interact in the ways he suggests, in real time, during a conflict, seems so out of reach. But you know, bit by bit, over time we are learning more about each other and how the other thinks, the challenges, the supports we need. And you know what, bit by bit its getting easier.

[@huges84]

Jimmy, this video is pure gold. I will have to watch it several times for it to all sink in. Better yet, my spouse and I will watch it together and discuss it.

[@viralnorn9173]

My husband ignores me, never listens to me, constantly argues, then wonders why we never have sex.

[@tammygarrett8427]

He would not treat a person he though of as a friend in that manner. How dose your husband see you?

[@GenXfrom75]

Ah, yes…. Been there. I finally broke it down for him. Now he’s so affectionate, even without the expectation of s3x. Our twentieth anniversary is in August and we’re healthier than ever. Some men need you to break it down kindergarten style because our brains work differently when it comes to connection and intimacy. ❤

[@IIZCHAOS]

​@@GenXfrom75as a man I agree, he won't really know what he's doing and may be hurt himself because of lack of sex and not k ow how to share or express that. He will most likely need it breaking down gradually and simply . Our brains are geared for problem solving not interpreting emotions and behaviour so try break it down like a set of instructions and I hope that helps. Praying for you both

[@E4439Qv5]

Nice absolutes. I wouldn't be listening to you, either.

[@Permajourney]

🤦🏻‍♀️​@@E4439Qv5

[@dianewarner7505]

My husband was a man of few words but it was the way he looked at me at spoke volumes

[@bookwyrmn]

👆💯 if my ex had done this even I would have been a lot happier but neglect in every way.

[@bpassion4fashion581]

These repairing techniques apply to other close / important relationships as well.

[@donh8833]

Contempt is the best way to get someone to stonewalling, because no matter what they say it will never be heard by the person who holds you in contempt. And that will have them feel alone and hopeless.

[@shabanabegum9623]

I can listen to jimmy’s relationship advice all day ,everyday ! His examples and correct ways of handling situations is absolutely essential 👌thank you

[@aawrnnc]

I appreciate the vulnerability and honesty he shares in these videos. It gives me hope.

[@humanoidcontent]

I see this guy as a fraud, big time. His marriage almost ended and now he sees the light? Yeah, cause he almost lost what his wife does for him. He didn't change because he loves her. He changed because he was gonna lose her. It's like a truck. This guy understands you need to maintain a truck in order for it to keep running. That's the big light bulb idea of this guy. He's selfish and does not love his wife. He is a fraud.

[@Voila1999]

I did something unspeakable, worse than cheating. Was in the brink of divorce. Then i found this channel. I owned up and took the advice ultimately to better myself regardless of the outcome. My spouse has returned to playfully chasing me around the house and feels safe enough again to talk to me. Thank you Jimmy. ❤❤

[@kfoster3616]

how fortunate you are

[@panoritsa82]

That’s so wonderful-truly God bless you

[@Azzne-]

I am so happy for you!

[@MartinesMeditaties]

So happy that things are working out for you ❤

[@sherryanderson-y2p]

This intriguing video serves as a poignant reminder of the heartache I've been enduring since my 7 year relationship came to an end 4 months ago. My cherished partner, the love of my life, made the difficult decision to part ways, leaving me consumed by thoughts of him. Despite my earnest attempts to win him back, I find myself facing frustration and an overwhelming sense of emptiness, unable to envision a life without his presence. Despite my efforts to move on, I'm compelled to confess my lingering feelings and longing for him here

[@erikalane-d1e]

The process of releasing a loved one can be an uphill battle. I can relate, having navigated a similar journey when my 8 year relationship dissolved. Despite the heartache, I refused to relinquish hope and embarked on a quest to win him back. Turning to a spiritual counselor for assistance, I found guidance that ultimately led to our reconciliation.

[@sherryanderson-y2p]

Impressive! How did you manage to connect with a spiritual counselor, and what's the process for me to reach out to her?

[@erikalane-d1e]

Allow me to introduce Suzanne Ann Walters, a highly skilled spiritual counselor known for her expertise in rekindling past relationships.

[@sherryanderson-y2p]

Thank you for this invaluable information; I've just checked her out online. Very impressive indeed!

[@mirai1-p8g]

All of these comments are just an elaborate advertisement for this counselor. Lol

[@JudithHoffman-t1n]

I wish I'd known all this fifty years ago. Just the idea of accepting my needs would have helped me avoid all the toxic relationships and two divorces.

[@khrisy3602]

Thank you for this video. I have realized that I use accusatory language toward my friends and family when conflict occurs rather than coming from a place of understanding and vulnerability. I’ve been realizing a lot of things lately and maybe I’m not as healed as I thought I was. It’s hard to come to these realizations without feeling guilty or depressed, but I’m trying my best to be understanding toward myself. Thank you again for this video.

[@terrycarney2961]

Jimmy.. How did you get to be so brilliant? The content is incredible and your delivery makes it so easy to understand.

[@Barryalejandro_288]

Hey 👋🏻

[@lisastiles1408]

There is also passive aggression which is just as invalidating, dismissive, and insulting,if not moreso. Like talking to them and they don’t respond in any way, not even an expression on their face, then asking, “Did you hear what I asked?” Getting an answer of “yes…” and then some excuse as to why they didn’t even acknowledge that you spoke.

[@CrimsonWave89]

This video made me cry. Thank you once again for these videos and your guidance.

[@charlie-girl72]

Same... 😢

[@pjmrees]

Once I found out what "boundaries" were and started implementing them, my Nex literally pushed me out of our home and told me constantly, "Get the F#$% out!" I knew things were over.

[@charlie-girl72]

That's horrible , yet good also cause I'm stuck even after divorce by feeling guilty divorcing him. Letting back in I'm worse tgan ever before yet I feel strong now though to climb out . Bless you

[@user-ii3vn8tn3q]

I had to consciously STOP careing because he was hurting me and he knew it. After a few years, it didn't hurt anymore. Love died. I remember he went on a vacation to another country, I knew he was going to see an online female, it didn't even matter. I was glad because I had free time without him around. Love had died , he killed it. I killed it, to survive.

[@asmrsounds8345]

So familiar...

[@ashleyhernandez425]

Thanks!

[@PlantNews]

Upvote and then watch - so glad for Jimmy's content! Relationships with life require living movement, a constant act of attention, receiving, vulnerability, and trust. Allow your cup to be filled and make sure you show up for the other person each and every day.

[@sheriwilliams8942]

Jimmy: Again you were the Narcissist in your Marriage, you can't imagine the Damage that is caused to the other person, because you would literally have to be the other person who is being tortured by the Narcissist to fully understand. Watch the movie "Powder" and Especially the scene where the guy shoots the Deer and the other guy puts the hand of the guy who shot the Deer onto the Deer so that the guy who shot the Deer could feel what the Deer was going through as the Deer was dying. Narcissist emotionally destroy the other person in the relationship who are not Narcissistic and Especially a Giving, Loving, Reciprocating Whole person. Remember how Narcissist operate in order to get with a Whole Person who is Healthy and knows what it means to be Whole and Healthy Mentally. Narcissist are Masters of Disguise to Fake out the Whole and Healthy person, and the Majority of Narcissist don't Change. Listen and Hear me Well, the Majority of Narcissist don't Change and the ones that do have a tendency to back slide and they are not consistent and consistency is the only way to achieve and obtain Change.

[@ggrace1133]

This video should be required watching from high school onward. Like monthly. “This Stops With Us.” Conflict resolution and healthy communication skills must be learned before we enter long term relationships. Baggage must be dealt with so we stop dragging it around with us, expecting our partner to just accept its toxicity.

[@thinkswrites7238]

Again, this works for all relationships- friendships, families, colleagues…

[@Musicianphilosopher777]

There’s no way to figure out how to navigate conflicts if only one person works on and improves on regulating the way they speak, their emotions etc. but the other person only excuses themselves of why they act and talk the way they do and basically says that it’s just how they’re gonna be. If it’s one sided like that the years of trying just doesn’t help cuz the other person doesn’t seem to try to change, it’s toxic, especially abandoning their partner at times is really harmful. I bet lots of couples go through that, it’s abuse and shouldn’t be tolerated, people normally can take constructive criticism if it’s given with respect and kindness, but if that doesn’t happen much if at all, then the relationship will never flourish.

[@poohbeardrawz8043]

my mom literally told me that friends "shouldn't fight with you or argue" which just sounded crazy to me, because that attitude transfers over to intimate relationships. you should be able to fight/address conflicts in a healthy safe way, but because my mom views it as a threat she gets defensive in every fight. it puts a major toll on her relationship with my dad. I wish they would address their conflicts together in a safe space but they both lash out/shut down every single time they fight. it's so incredibly damaging. I on the other hand, argue with my friends and address conflicts within a safe space. I hope at least in this department I can do better than my parents.

[@earlgreyt123]

Sounds like she may be anxiously attached? Seeing every conflict as a potential catastrophe? I learnt from Jimmy that conflict is a type of communication - it's how you deal with conflict that's important. Maybe try showing her these videos? And good for you working on emotional maturity 😉👍🏼

[@barbc7698]

My husband was the master of dismissing all of my thoughts and feelings. After many years of warnings, I shut down and he was massively shocked when I served the papers. I’ve heard his second wife doesn’t have it too good either. Big surprise.

[@Opal5674]

My ex husbands 2nd wife/my sons stepmom and him actually live around the corner from me. That small town life you know. She had always been stand offish with me but I was cool with her. One night I get a knock on my door and hes just been arrested for domestic assault on her. I sat and listened to her let it all out for 6 hours straight. Needless to say it had been hell for her.

[@kind2423]

@@Opal5674not suprised. Most likely found the next victim to tolerate his nonsense. He didn’t do the inner work on himself that’s why the cycle is repeating

[@charlie-girl72]

It's another supply for him he didbt learn second partner ,narc man or woman get even worse. Cause those don't change and anger grows worse on narc people. Nothing to be jealous of dear woman. I divorced 2018 made a big mistake to allow him around me. I still fight myself out without having a new partner still.

[@funkyfunnybone]

Jimmy, can you do a video that explores when one partner feels the need to put on a show for friends and family that they're the perfect spouse/parent and they speak very highly of their spouse but their words don't match their actions when no one is watching? And sometimes they even put on a show for the kids, pretending to accept an apology and giving fake affection so the kids think everything is okay. I don't think that's a narcissist, but I can't quite figure out what to call it. And without a name, I'm struggling to find resources on what to do in this situation. Your videos have been a lifeline in my goal of showing up as the best version of myself given my current skill and tools. I can't thank you enough!

[@UserHilux579]

Classic narc behaviour

[@BlossomAndGuinea]

Excellent video. Apply everything he’s saying to parenting to prevent your children from growing up with an insecure attachment style. Treat them with respect. Model for them how they should treat, listen to, and validate others. Keep your discipline calm and consistent. Be emotionally responsive to your children. Set boundaries appropriately so they can do the same with others in their lives.

[@2007cgarza]

Im 58, he's 60, 29 year old daughter lives fairly near. He I realize didn't have any positive male role model growing up, misogynystic hispanic male culture. I didn't have the self esteem/confidence I know now is needed to not latch onto anything out of insecurity to move forward. Decades of the negative behavior mentioned here, resulted at one point in some severe panic attacks and medication because I didn't know how to deal with this, Internalizing the cr*p. NOW I GET IT, and I'm not willing to put up with that one's crap anymore, which does continue He hasn't learned how his pattern affects others. I find joy with my friends, daughter, but while I still for some reason try with him who has not realized any of these concepts, he ultimately still disappoints with angry responses, negative reactions to places that have brought me so much happiness traveling with our daughter or my friends while he was at the time afraid of daughter, did not participate with us (teen years). I see that I'm realizing things but he is not aware in the least, dropping soft clues, but he is a product of his upbringing apparently, will continue to try, but when he still hears me say something in a group, and he still immeadiately stares at me with defensive whatever and attacks anything I've said only because I've opened my mouth apparently? I'm actually over that now and I'm not at fault, he is extremely damaged. Not sure other than confidently defending myself that I can help him myself at this point, he's going to need to realize and process.

[@stephaniep1761]

When we put our to do list over I Do...we lose the connection that brought us together

[@jesd5578]

Jimmy - please can you help me find one of your vidoes i watched recently but I can’t find - with the shield prop! It’s excellent. I’ve tried EVERYTHING to find it. I’ve scanned all your videos and my history, both twice and still can’t find it. Please help.

[@laurenbeals705]

I truly believe God sent this video to me…..you have just summed up 10 years of everything, EVERYTHING that has been needing to be said and to be heard but gotten lost in translation….. thank YOU 🙏

[@chippythesquirrel8945]

I've been married for 14 years. I've tried for so many years to make things work by walking on eggshells and being good so I dont make him angry. I'm exhausted. He's doing better but after so long I can't help but be detatched. This is the best it's been and it's still not good. If I disagree or don't immediately respond to an "i love you" he gets angry and sullen. Gives the silent treatment or makes passive aggressive statements to the animals about me. I dont know what to do.

[@paulwisdom1090]

The fact that you have to walk on eggshells around someone to not make them angry is very telling that your not in a safe environment.

[@rhiannonh.7463]

All that decrease, builds resentment, which has contempt in tow hitched to that divorce vehicle. It’s why it’s important for two people to, in a healthy way, communicate.

[@SHEThrivesInfluentialWomenPodc]

Dr Gotman’s theory of the four horseman has been such an eye opener in my marriage. I am more and more being conscious of my behaviors , I am the queen of stonewalling and defensiveness. I am trying to be aware and when I do those things apologizing. However, I find myself following with but I feel hurt when you… I need to keep working on that. However, my husband is not in the same place as I am and continues to use contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling and turns it around to my being the problem. I made a commitment when I married him and I am TRYING…. But I can’t do it alone. He refuses to go to therapy to address his own personal issues rather than our marriage. I can only work on me and heal myself.

[@maytelopez2852]

In the past, I've always felt like i had to break down mentally - just so that he can finally listen to me in a serious manner. Nowadays, i just stay quiet because things are better if i say less and feel less

[@andanotherthing619]

That's very sad. And no life for you. You are trying to disappear - not at all what a relationship should encourage. Pretty sure you should get out while you can. I wish you well.

[@MiljaHahto]

You're worth better than that.

[@LynshereeEastman]

Thankyou for helping me, you have no clue how nice it feels

[@jesd5578]

This is GOLD!!!! Excellent way you put this in such a simple way

[@silverlinings3946]

This is so important even in non-romantic relationships, in family and close friendships. You're doing important work, Jimmy, and I wish more people were aware of how words and behaviour, and especially when these don't match, can impact current relationship and even all future relationships of the partners.

[@Musicianphilosopher777]

“..you don’t have to elaborate” one of the clear signs of contempt yes

[@amohammed5]

This is good episode on being emotionally available and creating a dynamic where you can actually have real conversations with your partner.

[@artchem1]

Thank you, Jimmy. Mine was “ contempt “. He was having an affair;! I looked the other way; and tried to do extra nice things for him. By appreciating him & said thank you,?every morning-?” for working so hard for us ( we have 2 children). .. After he adopted a child with his mistress; …. It was a year later he left. No warning, no communication at all.. just packed his gym bag and walked out. Asked when he would be back.. said: “ I’m not coming back “. .. that was it .! I ran outside and he said- “ get away from the car or I’ll run you over 30 years of marriage…. To this day, I don’t trust men. Met one man, he was abusive …. I immediately broke off the relationship. A may to December relationship. He was cheating on me and admitted it !!! No thanks. You are WONDERFUL, Jimmy. Thank you so very much 🧡🌟🧡🌟👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@JunePlaysGames]

He never found time for me or appreciated me and I got recentful. I disliked the fact that he didn't seem to care about spending time with me or the kids, I disliked the fact he slept in almost every weekend, I disliked the fact that he made plans with me around his friends and not the other way around.. But I hate the person I've become and he deserves to be appreciated. Why does he find the time now that it is over? Why does he seem to care when it's too late? He didn't sleep in our house and took the ring of the first day we agreed to break up and he said "I would have fought for us and I'm disappointed that you've given up" I hate this

[@UserHilux579]

That is him trying to manipulate you. He’d never have fought for your marriage.

[@rachelpollack4826]

Great video ! I love the way you anticipate listeners reactions, you name it and address it SPOT On!

[@Barryalejandro_288]

Hello 👋🏻

[@mining4goldmeister420]

The biggest predictor for divorce is whether or not you meet your spouses's bids for connection, and when you do respond, do you use negativity, sarcasm, dismissive comments, belittling, coldness, or do you just talk over them? Are you just too busy, preoccupied, angry all the time? Those bids for connection determine your emotional, deep intimacy level. If you don't meet your partner's bids for connection they will eventually turn away, tune out, withdraw from the relationship. Also when you are not your partner's "safe" place. A place where they can be open, honest, transparent, let down their guard, and be themselves.

[@rebeccabelz7456]

I appreciate how direct and clearly spoken your videos and shorts are. Thank you for the good info.

[@MAJENMOTHER]

There must be accountability and respect in marriage.

[@carolangeli1025]

Truth. At the end of 22 yrs of marriage he wasn’t treating me like a wife much less a friend. Never enjoyed me enjoying my passion but instead tried to disprove it and tear it down. Grr Meanwhile I encouraged and supported him returning to school to do something he wanted to do.

[@FinancialFreedomFairy]

Just had our 10 year anniversary and turning toward each other in our difficult times is what gets us through as a team. ❤

[@backslash1233]

This video was spot on! Please share it as much as possible! It could save someone’s marriage and enhance someone else’s!!!

[@BlackWolf-gk8sn]

My Ex was asking me how I feel and how I am. Then I told her and she started yelling at me. Because I said, I don't feel safe with her. This reaction was exactly why. I stopped telling her my toughts, feelings and wishes. Because when I did. She started to punish me for it, because she felt attacked.

[@brandonjames2368]

Chicks, man. Chicks!

[@murphyshsu]

We just hit 20 years of marriage. We are pretty kind and thoughtful to each other. We both make an effort.

[@lizamariefischer]

Wow. This is my life. I am currently in contempt phase. I’m asking for him to step up but I don’t know how it will go. I’m still open. It really is up to him…

[@debwycherley9138]

I wish I would’ve learned this earlier in life. But I am so grateful that I am learning it now. This is totally how I need to be heard, so therefore I need to be listening to people like this. I really hope to become effective listening and Supporting those who are in any type of relationship with me. Thank you for this.❤

[@Chirokelley]

Wow, wow, wow. Incredibly powerful. You can literally just turn this video into text and it will be a book. An inspired and inspiring book. Please do. I’ll promote it.

[@MakiatoMill]

Every time i was telling to my husband some story about my day, or some situation that made my emotional at work or anywhere, he would literally tell me: "stop shouting". Because i would speak a bit louder. (i am not a loud person. In fact on other occasions he would often mention how silent i am or how too silent or too little i talk). This would instantly stop my flow and i always understood it as an indirect request for me to "shut up". So i gradually stopped telling my stories. At the same time, every day he came from work, he would greet me with stories, of how all people treated him wrong, how bad his day was and how angry some situations made him. Only negative emotions, complaints and everything is messed up and not fair and bad. Anger and aggression. And all this poured onto me... (while im trying to cook the dinner)

[@givusmail]

Wow, your experience is very similar to mine. How can you share more serious feelings when even small talk is met with contempt … and then they expect us to act as their dumping ground…

[@the.nerdy.mermaid]

Any time I tried to tell a story or speak I would be interrupted and he would completely take over and ramble for 5 min. Then he would be like “why don’t you ever talk to me?” LOL

[@AlexieShaw]

My husband does this, he says i care too much about ppl at work then proceeds to complain every night about his work

[@tinamcclenahan8775]

@@chellejack3480 I get it, we too are retired and the kids are on their own, We have our animals to take care of and they used to be a passion of ours. Now we just argue and seemingly have zero tolerance for each other/. It's all rather sad.

[@joandonnelly7206]

​@givusmail I had to be very careful what I shared or who I talked to of the male species because it would bring out insecurities in my ex, which would cause major arguments. Which would lead to him breaking up with me, which happened a few times in the 12+ years we were together. Well last year I didn't take him back. We had separate homes 45 minutes from each other due to work/kid situations. I could never fully trust him with my feelings/emotions. He is a good man in so many ways but he has the deal breaker issue that I pointed out to him because there was the double standard. He had female interactions as is normal, you can't walk thru life and not know members of the opposite sex. I'm secure enough in myself that I'm not threatened by other women. He had a very rocky childhood with his mother in/out of the home and finally his parents divorced and his dad married a woman who had her own kids and wasn't motherly to them. I get that he has trust issues but I always encouraged him to work on himself and he would acknowledge he had issues but he would always revert to his old ways and I just couldn't do it anymore. I would often tell him he was his own worst enemy. It's sad and I miss him as he was my camping, building, traveling partner but I do not miss all the issues. I pray he conquers his ghosts and finds peace and happiness.

[@amandamcfarland8554]

I absolutely LOVE your videos. I'm going to rewatch this one!!

[@madelineeverritt8874]

I agree wholeheartedly. My husband spends more time on his phone or computer playing games. Or, he'll watch something. There's no cheating or sexual movies. I'm not worried about that. It just hurts so badly that he doesn't spend time with me. I've talked to him several times. He'll apologize and all. But a couple days later, it was like nothing was said. I'm not talking angrily. I've asked him what was I doing to keep him away. I feel like our marriage is thrown away. We've been married for almost 34 years. I don't know if I'm just stubborn or what? We're more like roommates than a couple. He'll tell me I'm beautiful. I really have a hard time believing it. I'm just in it alone.😢

[@T.D.8]

I promise you that you are, in fact, beautiful. I don't need to see a picture of you. (I have a golden, who is the best boy, a huge animal lover, so I adore your profile picture, though!) I know you're beautiful without knowing a single thing about you or your appearance. I know because you are a human being. (I presume, if not, can you take me on a tour of area 51?!) All I need to know about you is that you're a human to know that you ALWAYS have been, ALWAYS ARE, and ALWAYS will be absolutely, completely beautiful, that you deserve and are worthy of kindness, respect, love, affection, and attention. Always, no matter what. Try to remember how your husband treats you... how anybody treats you is ALWAYS about them and NEVER about you. You deserve to be made to feel beautiful and know without a doubt that your partner adores you.

[@madelineeverritt8874]

Awww, thank you so much for taking the time to say all that to me. I really do appreciate it so much. More than you'll ever know. That was so sweet of you. Animals are so special.

[@L.A.6482]

You may need to give him a wake up call if you want real change and acknowledgment. Be prepared to be ok being alone for a time. You are already conditioned to be so far. He has learned to take you for granted.

[@naturesgateway]

I suggest that you plan “togetherness time” with him in your day, let him know what you want on a daily basis. Make this a routine and stick to it. Such as, Sit down with a dessert after dinner, talk for 15 minutes. Soon it will become a habit that you will both miss if it doesn’t happen. Make sure you get your needs met every day.

[@kfoster3616]

Many wives are single parents. Husband and wife (with the kids) live separate lives.

[@Fella-he2cp]

Jimmy, you are a genius. This is absolutely the best video I’ve seen to build great relationships. You’ve changed my life.

[@srw5611]

My spouse does not even hear what I say regarding his words or actions towards me. He defends why it is ok to keep doing it, tells me he disagrees with how I feel or yells me I am insane or throwing a fit because I say something that he does not want to hear.

[@limanino]

This video is so good. Thank you, Jimmy.

[@Sammyismysidekick]

This is good, this is why marriage counciling is great and important for psychology

[@michelleluxmore7525]

I have both. There have been so many lies I mock him in my head because I don't trust . I have contempt and anger for 2 reasons, no affection and consistently pushing me away, and he stole from myself and our daughter with no remorse!... I recognized the contempt months ago and have tried to move on , I'm failing every day.

[@mlahuber]

My ex needed to see this video a long time ago. He was the king of turning away and then wondered why I stopped turning toward and we became roommates.