The SOULMATE: The Narcissist's Ultimate Prey

[@0SilentStone0]

To a narc, a "soulmate" is a willing slave. And unfortunately, victims will put up with anything for the idea of true love

[@racebannon96]

The true side of a narcissist….broken promises, lies, deception, future faking, gaslighting, projection, and betrayal. If you have children with a narcissist, the narcissist will use the kids as pawns against you in vindictive manner. The narcissist wants total control over you and you reaching the point of being exhausted and miserable is their malicious goal.

[@nacarreira777]

Narcissists are fiends who turn something that is supposed to be good into something so disgusting.

[@flowergirl7260]

Truth.

[@ambersanford5173]

Facts 💯

[@artifundio1]

Guilty of charge ✋ As someone who grew up without a sense of unconditional love (or any kind of love, really) or emotional regulation, I was an active part of the idealization of love. I tried so hard to make long term relationships work, but always chosing narcs. I had to lose it ALL to finally learn my lesson about healthy love. I was very into signals, and magical thinking. Like love will fix anything. I was so lost. Dr Ramani's light is keeping me on a consistent self development path. She is my Obi Wan 🙌

[@cbeautifulworld11]

Dogs, cats, crows, horses. The only soulmates in my life. Each relationship has worked out beautifully.

[@Red88Rex]

I’ve been wishing to make a crow friend. My life will be complete!

[@teresa5007]

Touché! Can’t go wrong with animals, they will love you unconditionally, until the very end! 🌹🐈🐈‍⬛🐕‍🦺🦮🐝🐞🐦❤️

[@steelcarnations2207]

I had a raven! He lived outside in our tree, and that baby would fly with me to whereever I went from place to place. Knew my car etc. Would wait outside each day for its berry rations in the morning and night. Would fly straight at my face then swooooop up just in the nick of time, to play with me, and caw as I ducked as though it were laughing at me. Every time I had to move, my raven moved with me. But then I had to move way up north to a bad snowy area and my Raven didnt follow. I am so sad and I know it still misses me as they make bonds for life.

[@artifundio1]

@@steelcarnations2207 thanks for sharing this beautiful relationship you have with the raven. Maybe it will enjoy a visit. You said it recognizes your car... I am imagining you circling around in your old city with a box of berries taped to the roof of the car 😅

[@selinaogorman8380]

Oh yes our animals are truly our soulmates I love animals so much to there more trusting and trustworthy then some human beings so yes a animal is definitely our soulmate my soulmate to.❤

[@youngblood8540]

My friend's sister died in her sleep. No health issues, exercised and ate healthy. The police and the coroner ruled it as natural causes. They wanted an autopsy but the coroner told them that only the husband can ask for one and he didn't want it. The husband never got along with her family. Recently we found out that the husband confessed to his wife (my friend's sister) that he liked her friend a week before she died. He asked her out on a date right after she died. He blamed my friend for her death. I find it very suspicious how the husband didn't want an autopsy and had her cremated right away and disturbing that the brothers didn't have any rights. Be careful, a lover today, could be an enemy tomorrow.

[@tiwiogunye]

he killed her

[@flowergirl7260]

This is uncanny. I had a friend die in her sleep with a similar marital story. Negativity and corrupted characters around us is dangerous to our health, especially if we are highly sensitive.

[@notagain779]

@youngblood8540, Wow. Suspicious indeed! It's hard for people to believe these things could be true. I once asked at a hospital nurse's station if they ever had a situation where an elderly patient was vulnerable to their kids or in laws slipping something into an IV, especially if the patient had a big estate, and the kids were afraid of nursing home costs. Their answer was that it wasn't unheard of, and what they suggest family members do if they don't trust an in law or other people who stand to inherit, is to provide a recent photo of the suspected person to the nursing station. They will pin it in a place only the nursing staff can see. If that person is seen in the hallway, a nurse will go into the room and pretend to be checking the chart or something, staying until the person left. They do the best they can, but can't stop so called "family" from visiting. I'm so sorry about your friend's sister.

[@moonlightpixie8976]

This is one of the most evilest thing I’ve heard!

[@emoke150]

I am so sorry. My sister was with narc as well and she died of cancer. The way he treated her while she was suffering was so cold and cruel. He didn't want us to visit her as often as we wanted, cause everytime we visited her, she got better again. He then told my other brother in law that he wants her to die soon, cause he can't stand anymore the suffering of her. At the end he just visited her for an hour having a party with the nurses and the doctors, while my sister was dying. She wasn't alone though I stayed till her last breath but his mother didn't want me to stay cause it would prolong her dying process. I told her, no, she was afraid to die alone and I will stay till the end. I still have nighmares from all of this. Just recently I dreamed again of how he let her suffer while she was dying, not caring one bit. When choosing a partner, we should keep in mind, would this person stay, even if I would be suffering.

[@mallardtheduck406]

I "used" to believe in soul mates, but I am 44 and alone. Life is a very cruel teacher when you are a kind person.

[@strawberry_punch_art]

Wow it's really sad to not have any other personality traits for 44 years, aside from the most basic one "being kind"...

[@sienna9743]

Life also brings kind people to recognise each other. Stay tuned. A kind person's probably on her/his way. BW

[@moonhunter9993]

I feel you. Same. If there's a soul mate for me it's not a romantic partner, I think.

[@moonhunter9993]

@@strawberry_punch_art wow, how sad that you don't seem to have a personality beyond toxicity...

[@dreammaker771]

Similarly, I have always believed, am 46 and alone.

[@Gearhart_Music]

The love fantasy, I feel, is a problem in our society, and has been for a long time. It's magical thinking that can lead people to accept someone who ultimately isn't right for them in the long run.

[@moonhunter9993]

I agree. It's a fantasy distracting you from how unfair and biased the world is for "ordinary" working people, especially women. It gives us "hope" for something extraordinarily beautiful and special, while the daily grind makes us depressed and gets us exploited by BIG capital

[@kennethhlavik8155]

You are exactly 100% correct! I've been through it twice real soulmate crap!

[@carolfield2760]

I blame movies and TV. It gives young girls especially the wrong ideas and ultimately expectations on what real love and real relationships should be.

[@MrsRitchieBlackmore]

Very insightful and true! Sadly, one DREADFUL abusive narc relationship later, I've learned I need that fantasy to feel a "spark" with a guy. Even the guy I'm currently crushing on is narc-y as hell 😬 It's awful. I just need to stay single!

[@kennethhlavik8155]

@@MrsRitchieBlackmore I have had too many narcissists relationships! They're exciting at first, but they're exhausting after a few months! They take the fun ""out of your life!!! They are a vampire sucking all the life out of you. It's all about them.

[@judyfitch5279]

I had a narc who tried to convince me I was his soulmate. He wanted to move in, build a life with me (in a place where I was established and he was new). Luckily, I kicked him to the curb (which didn't stop him from turning my life into a nightmare). Later, I learned that this was his m.o. It was the woman's house he wanted, and her friends, connections. He would play the soulmate card, move in, then drive the woman insane until SHE left (her own house, her town etc). He stated out loud that this is what he does, on purpose. Can you imagine this being the way you navigate life? constant manipulation, then leaving pain and destruction in your wake? and always having to ruin people's lives, cover up and run from what you did last in order for your next con to be a success? sad existance, and dangerous people to be anywhere near. sometimes I see comments suggesting we be compassionate to narcs. no. there is no boundary that works with them other than to stay far away. with this guy, my antennas were up immediately. I had him figured out. I thought I could be kind and neighborly to him and keep myself safe. no such thing.

[@soiledskin]

Spot on! Glad you got away.

[@barbarajloriordan2697]

For me, compassion doesn’t mean that I (you, we, or anybody) allow a narcissist into my life. It means that I accept the person for who they are without any illusions and wish them well, in an impersonal way, from a very safe distance. When a person tells me in a million ways that they don’t want to change, it is empathic to take them at their word, believe them, recognize that I want something different from what they want, and let them go their way. It is not empathic for me to believe that by “being kind” to them, they will change. For me, compassion is simply recognizing that every person, without exception, has God inside them, even if they are not recognizing that. It does not mean that I have to like the person or associate with them or even say hello to them.

[@soiledskin]

@@barbarajloriordan2697 💯💯💯

[@alicjaalvena1120]

if this was his plan all along and he did it repeatedly, he was psychopath, not narcissist. narcissists are driven to use people subconsciously, meanwhile socio/psychopaths do it on purpose and make plans on how to use people. you people seriously overuse this word.

[@cornwallismorgan874]

@@alicjaalvena1120 You realize that there is a narcissism/psychopathy spectrum, right? And you also realize that people can carry multiple diagnoses, right?

[@fruhlingsfrisch6205]

Soulmates are a grandiose belief. Exactly.

[@dlouise5680]

Best friend is real. Soul mate is fantasy. The older I get, the sillier the concepts of true love and soulmate become. All love is work. It is worthwhile meaningful work, but no love is easy and effortless.

[@tek5692]

My ex-husband would always say, "But we're SOULMATES!" every time I was angry enough to give him any real argument or stand up for myself, as if it justified his behavior toward me. The concept of the 'soulmate' was his hall pass to treat me any way he wanted.

[@graemesutton2919]

Gee! The parallel this brings up is my mother when I call her out for her inappropriate is 'But I am your mother!'. Grumble. Grumble. Grumble

[@lynneleverton8825]

My x husband called me his "sole mate"? He couldn't spell but I always thought it was very apt! I also got accused of being schizopicnic, which I howled laughing at!

[@nyadzuamaria7184]

He uttered that word one time only after being married for 18yrs when I had started distancing myself emotionally...but I told him, no, we are not! Told him my spirits refused that word!

[@cornwallismorgan874]

I've always understood a soulmate to be someone with whom you have a deep connection that evolves to last a lifetime, and as such, you can have multiple soulmates. It's not this otherworldly connection with another person so much as it's based in genuine compatibility and a mutual desire to foster that relationship. So there has to be consistent, mutual effort through actions that build and maintain trust and intimacy, and not just words. And this is where narcissists falter.

[@peggyseligman9607]

Well said.

[@jokendrick2124]

My late narcissistic husband said we were best friends. But I would never have a best friend that treated me as badly as he did. We definitely weren't soul mates. Funny, I never ever thought we were soul mates. Having some things in common doesn't make you a soul mate.

[@melissaojala855]

❤

[@rsoubiea]

Agreed.

[@PoyTroy]

My ex would always say the same thing. I would always be like we ain't best friends😂 . She would always get mad lol

[@jokendrick2124]

@@PoyTroy Mine pouted and never let it go.

[@andreazavala7123]

Same. Why would I have a friend that lies to me and chokes me.

[@doristorresphd]

To me, soulmate stories is like indefinite future faking in disguise

[@ellanina801]

Good point.

[@yukio_saito]

Well put 🎯

[@izabelazielak8963]

I dicided long ago 2split,into good twin &bad twin,works great for me 😁

[@mohntinyari]

@@izabelazielak8963 our bad twin is the intuition

[@joolst1149]

This SLAPS!

[@fae137]

Hit the nail on the head. I'm running from my next "soulmate", lol. And no more intoxicating poetic wounded men anymore. I learned my lesson to be friends first with anyone I meet before getting involved so i can really get to know them.

[@elaynepallist572]

I went through this in college. My soulmate wa a classic narcissist, so the love bombing phase was very hard to let go of. However, he eventually got bored and dumped me, then went through a whirlwind romance and marriage with someone who he had previously claimed. “wasn’t his type“. I did have the satisfaction of seeing them divorced after a year, and finally broke free of that terrible spell. But I was also an emotional basket case. The best lesson I got about love was that I had a very good friend who helped me through it. Because of his unconditional acceptance and constant friendship, I understood what a healthy relationship should look like. I wish others could be so lucky

[@cinnabunning]

I've truly, DEEPLY learned that friends & family & community can be so critical to recovering from all the unkindness that exists in this world. Glad to hear someone has your back!

[@transitionsnc]

I'm glad you broke the spell. It's not easy.

[@dextermorganbloodspattersp6382]

A Good Dose of Doctor Ramani 🦅 a Day ...Keeps the BS of the Narcissist Away or at Bay... 🦅🏆😎

[@vee1267]

I’ve felt for years that the concept of “soulmates” does a real injustice to the loving, deeply-connected couples that people think are a perfect example of soulmates. That kind of strong, fulfilling relationship takes *work*, it requires both patience and firm boundaries, and a ton of mutual trust. A bond like that isn’t inherently there from the beginning; it exists because of choices and chance. Fate has nothing to do with it.

[@Cy-bz9jh]

Well said. Trust is earned and can be lost in the blink of an eye. Long marriages last because people commit to being guardians of each others bodies and souls in every way and being careful enough to find emotionally healthy partners. We need to stop thinking of only "til death do us part" (or "until it doesn't work out" or of the "dream wedding") and start thinking that this is FOREVER. Do I want to commit to be with this person FOREVER? *CAN* I commit to forever and truly live it every moment of every day? IMHO people don't try to do that. 45 years later, I'm in a marriage that's stronger than ever. (My narc was my mother who really messed me up for life.) Before our marriage we had long talks about everything and what we wanted and whether we could make that commitment. If "forever" doesn't make you pause and consider deeply, then you aren't mature enough to be making the decision no matter how old you are. Because, as you said, it takes *work*, trust and patience. I grew up watching and being abused. That gave me insight to what I did NOT want. This is no guarantee that it will last, but it sure does make it much more possible. Did we have rough patches? Of course, my childhood guaranteed that because I didn't know how to *be* married or how to *be* a good parent. There was a very short marriage to a narc before I met my husband and I learned a lot from that travesty.

[@mdhosen7393]

Thank God, we have a doctor like Dr Ramani, who understands the a to z of a narcissistic personality disorder. I never met a doctor like her in person or over the internet who is so accurate and to the point. I have watched several hundred hours of her videos and still wait for next video. Thank you dr RAMANI.

[@JohnBrown722so]

So sorry if u have been hurt

[@lialenore2997]

Me too, thank you Dr. Ramani🙏🏼💪♀️⚖️❣️

[@Jbondman78]

This hits home. I bought into the whole metaphysical soul mate nonsense when my ex narc fed it to me. My dog dying actually saved me because I became emotionally disregulated and confused from all the breadcrumbs of affection. I had a breakdown, and the narc promptly discarded me at my lowest point. Life lessons are hard, but you can heal with therapy, support from friends, and hard work to move forward with a desire to be better.

[@transitionsnc]

They always leave when the situation calls for them to provide some type of support. That's when you really see who they are. So sorry that your dog passed away. All the best to you.

[@TruthSpeaker.]

You cannot seriously be equating belief in soulmates with narcissism as if the two are inseparably linked. Even if somebody used belief in soulmates to control you doesn't give you the right to disrespect other peoples deeply held beliefs.

[@mercedesharrison5550]

Don’t feel bad about being discarded because when you are idealized to the end you are in way more danger up to discarded from the earth permanently. You don’t want to be these people favorite person bc when you decide to leave they can’t handle it. There’s nothing flattering about being the one for the narc.

[@transitionsnc]

That's a really good point. I hadn't thought of that.@@mercedesharrison5550

[@angryanne]

❤ hugs, I can totally relate!

[@RLDrums7]

Once I learned and internalized that soul mate is a convenient and BS myth, it added another defense against the narcissists.

[@TruthSpeaker.]

It's NOT a myth. Just because there are abusive people doesn't give you the right to deny reality. While some people don't have a soulmate because God gave them a different life plan, there IS a such thing as a soulmate.

[@wolfgoddess15]

⁠@@TruthSpeaker.that is true. Any abusive person can twist something good into something they can use to toy with you. Doesn’t mean that the concept of soulmates is bad.

[@justinmallory9303]

Watching this video, I saw a lot in common with Religion and abusive relationships.

[@clairelane3642]

Magical thinking and manipulation.

[@caitlinwilson9799]

Yes! We’re told we have only god to thank when our lives feel “blessed” but when the pain and evil in the world seems senseless we “shouldn’t question gods plan”. That is a very toxic way to relate to any person, whether they be human or a whole universe personified.

[@scottherod7732]

I'm over 50 and I believe in soul mates only because I was fortunate enough to have parents who I believe were soulmates with over 50 years of marriage, and neither of them were anything like a narcissist. But I'm probably an adolescent soul too. 🙂 That said, no one should ever use the term or any other to rob a person of their agency or treat them unfairly.

[@MaryDunford]

I had to really think about this one, too. I think it's a definition thing. I've seen marriages that were quite wonderful over decades. Time dictated they really were meant to be together. Soulmates. But these people respected and appreciated their interdependence. One fell down, the other would keep things going. Vice versa. They took joy in the mundane and small things. Unlike trauma bonds, their's were strengthened because they moved through life as individuals, but in tandem. Metaphorically, like a dance. I believe in soulmates. Just not the kind Hollywood makes its living from. My definition is more consistent, and understated. Lol I'm glad your folks have a wonderful marriage. 😊

[@scottherod7732]

@@MaryDunford Agree 100%!! Relationships between soul mates takes work too, and willingness on the part of both partners to make it work.

[@Luni844]

same here

[@CodyPendent]

This explains why my narc mom refers to her enabler hubby as her ‘soulmate’. They both left their spouses for each other. Mom always justified it to me, even when I was a kid, by saying they were ‘soulmates’ and belonged together. This video explains a lot.

[@acolley2891]

Soulmates? More like perpetual adulterers

[@goshi132]

@@acolley2891 Wow! What a revelation!!

[@june-cz1cw]

Well I'm glad they got together i'm sorry for you but I'm happy for their exlovers

[@NehaSharma-777]

Woww

[@spacegirl226]

My mother still believes my father is her soulmate, and they've been divorced for twenty years after being married for 33. He treated her like garbage -- and us the children. She never bothered to date or try to remarry. She still clutches her heart and says that he'll always be her soulmate, as her world collapses around her because she gave up after he abandoned us. It's such a sad thing to see.

[@Geronimo2u]

These are all the stuff I hear in therapy room from people 1. You’re my soul mate 2. No one understands me like you 3. I have never felt love like this from others 4. Often they spend hours talking to their “soulmate” in order to really know all about them and hook them in 5. They rescue people from the bad relationship they’re in.. “ you don’t deserve that” type things said 6. Narcissistic people look for codependent characters, and fit them into their need eventually 7. Please folks.. be your own soul mate and don’t listen to the crap “you’re my soul mate”.. often it’s pretty ugly.. and a way to attract, manipulate and control a person.. Be your own soulmate and let them do the same, know yourself so you don’t need others to make you feel Special.

[@carolinecarlson4307]

My cat was my soulmate . She was a bit of a narcissist to be honest but it worked for us. I did her bidding and she liked that. ❤️🐱❤️

[@jenjohnson1747]

yessssss,,,,,,,same......but our relation works!!! 🤷‍♀

[@jasondavis8886]

😂 Cats hey.

[@HaleyMary]

My cat Marty was my soulmate truly. He bugged me, I bugged him. Even my dad said Marty was the only cat he ever saw who would attack my leg if I was too slow putting his food in the dish in the morning. 😂

[@BCMUSICIAN]

girl always love toxic thing thats natiral😂

[@id9139]

All cats have a sense of entitlement and that real air of superiority. Master slave relationship in cats favour. BUT unlike Narcopaths, cats are beautiful and nurturing.

[@TheNarcissistSurvivorGuide]

My ex would wake up in the night to me crying and lean over and whisper - “we’re in this together”, take my hand and go back to sleep. It made my stomach turn. He would tell me “ I was his whole world” you can get free and you must to save your life.

[@loanicastillo3327]

Waw, he loved you. Didn't he? He seems like a water sign. 😢

[@melabailey6786]

I’m hurting so bad i keep allowing him to hurt me badly one minute he’s here for me the next he’s bringing up the past and breaking up with me my mother just died and he was never there for me i went to her funeral alone I’m just hurting so bad

[@bumblebee8158]

Praying for you. Condolences for your mom. Take care of youself right now. One day at a time.

[@jokendrick2124]

Sorry for losing your mother. Speaking from experience, it will get better. May take some time but it will. Try to find joy in little everyday things. I had 2 dogs to focus on and that helped.

[@SharonKingston-v3f]

You will work through Trauma Bond in time !! Fact ! 1 day at a time ❤ take care of you ❤

[@JAYSONGS]

❤

[@AlexLouiseWest]

So sorry for your loss.

[@DMRoper1]

That word "soulmate" is a clue for narcissism. After being used and abused by every love interest that actually called me his "soulmate" at first, I know that too well now. I actually hate the word now.

[@1r2a3w4]

I met a man 8 months ago. We fell in love and started dating 4 days after meeting. I’m a deep believer in soulmates. I thought he was my soulmate. We connected so deep. Everyone in my life pointed out a million red flags. I saw them but ignored them, in hopes we would find our way out of the fighting. But he wouldn’t stop with the comments and the majorly controlling behavior. I couldn’t take it so I left but it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Thank you for this video, it has opened my eyes and gave me validation in my decision.

[@terriwhalen3618]

I agree. Unfortunately "soulmate," is a target word the narcissist seems to count on during the love-bombing phase. They purposely mirror their victims in order to make them believe they have finally found their "soulmate!" And it works for individuals who have no idea that these individuals exist. I know I didn't and I always wanted that Soulmate. No more, thankfully! Another point I am learning, because I was almost scammed online in a very innocent way due to my part, but they also lure with the love-bombing and "soulmate," lure. I also am learning that men and women who are scammed, go through the Trauma Bond.

[@Geronimo2u]

I , Sooo agree.. people often say “ you’re my soulmate”… in order to manipulate and often people look for needy people who are looking for love

[@theaalbertson920]

This hurt to hear. I used to believe I was gifted with a soul mate to compensate for profound child abuse. I now see that I had created a survival mythology for myself. I'm going to have to do some deep dives of my own to examine the beliefs that got me through childhood but turned out to be deeply dangerous as an adult. Yeah. I'm 50. I'm feel fortunate to get the message at all, but a little sad that it took five decades.

[@PS-dm1dq]

Hey, are you me? That's kind of exactly what I'm grappling with too. Only after my toxic parents are dead am I now having to come to terms with the dynamic that is still playing itself out in my relationship now. It's very heartbreaking and kind of humiliating to have to internalize the grim reality behind the fantasy. Please know you're not alone in how you feel, take care friend 🫂

[@jorgerios8472]

My soon to be ex-wife always said I was her soulmate that I was her everything. But when it came to intamacy always got excuses. This went on for 7 yrs sexless marriage. When I finally left the marriage she told me she was blindsided. Not to mention 2 weeks after I ended it she literally was with her ex from high school. She replaced me after 10 yrs total together in a heartbeat. That’s what hurt the most! In the end you weren’t there soulmate you were just the best option at the time! And you will never get closure. But I tell people when you leave or they leave you the person they are at that moment is who they always really were.

[@markjayw666]

You put up with a sexless marriage. After 1-2 months, file divorce

[@ellanina801]

Is she asexual?

[@ellanina801]

@@markjayw666marriage isn’t about sex… if that’s your foundation, that might be worse than “soulmating”

[@markjayw666]

@@ellanina801 Sex between a loving couple pleases God. I suggest you get in the bible and read. A marriage without sex is not a marriage, it’s a friendship.

[@Eluderatnight]

​@@ellanina8011st Corinthians 7 It is not what marraige is about, but it is a significant part of it.

[@AlexLouiseWest]

Thank you for helping me to spot these individuals and avoid them. I guess they would be a soulmate for me in the same way that a spider would be the soulmate for a fly.

[@alphanovahawk]

OMG! After a discard. I was on the verge of recovering, I also started to see someone. My narcissist and I have kids, all of a sudden my narcissist starts to be kind. I play my cards and let her feel like she's still has a chance. I end up going with her after she said I was her "soulmate" I thought it meant something. Long story short, I'm back on the trap. But I'm good. I knew it was going to happen. Our kids got to see her de value this time and understand what she is on her own. That's a win for me, first time victim, second time volunteer 🤷‍♂️

[@olyooshka]

In some philosophies a soulmate is not a "special feeling", but someone you got together with thanks to common views and plans and are mutually comfy enough to just have them as a companion for life. No drama, no specialness, no amazingness, just mutual comfort and support. Mundane. I like that..

[@loriwilde3977]

My Narc mom (who was enmeshed with my codependent dad) told me I would never have the soulmate kind of love they shared. Thank God for that!

[@mercedesharrison5550]

The fact that she was trying to put you down and make you envy her is sickening. What is her issue with you? That your another women in vicinity of her husband that is your dad? Has she treated you like competition growing up?

[@mercedesharrison5550]

You’re *

[@artifundio1]

"You know me, the anti-cupid" 😅 I love it. I am going to make that statement into a costume for Halloween..! 😂

[@americawaters4257]

😂Do it... 😆

[@tiltedtam8887]

Omg!!😂 Do it!!!

[@artifundio1]

I wore faded sweatpants, an old Tool t-shirt, and a messy bun. Ah! and sandals with socks 🙈 Of course, I didn't go anywhere...🤣 But, this game made me think. Am I being as brave as I can be, if I'm hiding behind "ok" clothes (or "even not that ok"), or hiding inside my apartment almost all of my free time? I think I already am an anti-cupid. Ups! 😮

[@americawaters4257]

@@artifundio1 lol You may not have gone anywhere but at least you dressed up. Staying home alone is part of the costume anyway. 😁

[@artifundio1]

@@americawaters4257 🤣 You're right! 💜

[@megahealthatwork5994]

I’m so glad you addressed this idea of soulmates and twin flames BS. Abuse is abuse, see it for what it is, there is no excuse for it period.

[@anonmous4468]

Exactly. Learn to be objective with these things . Even if soulmates do exist this is not it. Abuse is abuse no matter what .

[@genevalawrence801]

In my experience of religion in my culture, a lot of faith-based messaging around marriage actively encourages the soulmate concept, with the idea that your marriage is what God intended for you. And a narcissistic spouse will absolutely actively use that concept to try to keep you in an abusive relationship.

[@abum3thedon]

narcissistic use cover their choices and decisions with faith and religious concepts falsely like faith and fate

[@yvonnebaker5174]

Many religious groups or organizations enable this mindset thru the concept of forgiveness. But forgiving does not nor should it mean reconciliation. This is why so many women stay in abusive marriages.

[@DivestedChristian]

​@@yvonnebaker5174forgiveness has been weaponized by fake christians. That being said, narcissists weaponize everything

[@courtneyjr512]

Two flames is soooo dangerous. And basically tells you it’s supposed to be tumultuous and it’s your job to save them.

[@chanel82593]

Yes and no. There’s a difference between a twin flame and a karmic.

[@diannerenn4726]

Oh. This happened to my widowed brother. His wife died and someone he knew from high school quickly moved in on him, a true predator, claiming soul mate status. I warned him, as you wisely advise us not to do, and I got blamed for calling out her narcissism. That was in 2010. The result is that he has, basically, ruined his life.

[@thepragmatist]

Wow. At least you tried.

[@diannerenn4726]

Dr. Romani is right though. You'll get blamed, even by other family members who think you are being harsh or unfair. Narcissism is a heavy word. People hate it. Better to find another way if you are trying to warn someone. The creature he married had a 747 worh of baggage...all of it toxic, but he was so love bombed and convinced he'd corrected a faulty life path that he is still in the cult of this dreadful woman who abuses him constantly. I can't watch, so I go no contact, even though we used to be close. One thing to watch out for is the vulnerability of widowed people.

[@thepragmatist]

I completely agree with you. A lot of times, people like your brother's wife swoop in during times of vulnerability. I actually had someone from high school re-enter my life during a time of vulnerability as well. I was fortunate it wasn't worse. Unfortunately, people like your brother have to realize what is going on themselves. All the best to you!@@diannerenn4726

[@jenjohnson1747]

sooo true...i watched this with my father. We lost my mother, his wife of 55 years....my dad was broken....literally a puddle of the man he was...in walks the backdoor neighbor within months....within a few months later my father has discarded pretty much everything in his life, marries this woman and won't shut up about how "happy" he is....to his greiving children mind you. I am the only "truth teller" in the family (n0w that my mother is gone).....I called him out on his foolishness and now am the "evil" daughter. I am the one who cares enough to tell the truth!!! Never trust a woman who doesnt respect the greiving process of a widow/ers and his family. Like you said, widow/ers are extremely vulnerable to abusers. @@diannerenn4726

[@diannerenn4726]

Mistyped the name Ramani. I can spell. Just not type.

[@Shannonstorm93]

This was very eye opening. This exact thing happened to me over the course of 10 years with a narcissist who managed to convince me we were soul mates. And I really believed it. I wanted to believe it at all costs, so I made so many excuses for his toxic behaviour, neglect and abandonment. I would keep running back time and time again, and convince myself and be convinced by him that we were meant to be together but it was just never the "right time" but eventually the universe would pull us back together once and for all. And I thought it had happened, we had our fairytale finally and I thought this was it....until he promptly abandoned me again, and made sure to finish me off for good, coming for my self esteem, my character, and my values. The shock of going from a fairytale love story, to having the rug pulled from beneath me, and then finally seeing the last decade and him for what it really was, has been really hard. I feel deceived, not only by him, but by myself. I so badly wanted to believe he was my soulmate, and he exploited it. I'm still trying everyday to let it go and move on from the fantasy. And I grieve the years lost in delusion.

[@yukio_saito]

It's ridiculous to believe something like the "runner-chaser dynamic" between "twin flames" or "soulmates." A relationship like that is simply unhealthy and unstable 😦😧

[@thepragmatist]

Completely agree.

[@Dethian666]

It's insane how the narcs interfere and harm soulmates and make lovers fight against each other with sexual abuse

[@hannahshmulsky7119]

“Twin flame” is just code for “avoidant narcissist run away fast”

[@k.h.307]

They exist but they're rare. We have many "soul mates" and most aren't romantic.

[@estherbaptist9086]

​@@k.h.307True

[@DH-zz6dl]

I don’t know what’s worse the fact that I was living a nightmare daily or the fact that I’m no longer ignorant to the abuse anymore … truly felt like we were soulmates didn’t realize it was the golden ticket to repeat abuse and apologize 😢

[@scottwalker5031]

I just separated from my wife due to narcissistic abuse and when I stopped by to visit my kids - she literally gave me the soulmate speech … Thank you Doc for putting this comment in perspective - I’m highly empathic and very vulnerable to tactics like this …

[@lolo9553ify]

I grew up with two narcissistic people as parents and had a rough childhood as a scapegoat without knowing what their issues were. Because of my bad experiences within my family, I avoided relationships. I didn’t see them as healthy. Then, in my 30s, I got into a relationship with a vulnerable narcissist because he seemed different from them. He used the old ‘soulmate’ routine and with naive me, it worked for him. Like you said, it was easy for him to bread crumb me and he always had an excuse for his red flag behaviors. It wasn’t until I moved in with him and there was no escape from the facts that I realized how wrong I’d been about him. I’m learning now to assess people differently, to pay attention to and heed the facts, not the blarney.

[@loanicastillo3327]

Big families often have scapegoats. How many brothers and sisters did you have?

[@lolo9553ify]

I have two sisters and a brother. I'm the oldest. You're right though: I've known larger families though where scapegoating happens frequently. @@loanicastillo3327

[@favourednkambule3125]

Love you. Live longer Dr Ramani. You are Beautiful. We love and appreciate God for blessing us with you❤

[@jessicahanson4264]

"subsisting on bread crumbs...lose yourself in a way that you can never get yourself out of again."

[@artluvr6170]

My narcissist told me that we were soulmates, and I bought it hook, line and sinker. Now that the discard is over and I'm finally understanding that I had been in a narcissistically abusive relationship, I'm watching this video... just like you said I would. Live and learn.

[@loanicastillo3327]

Did you think about going to church together?

[@auroraborealis6398]

I used to believe in this, because of the feelings I experienced. I don't believe anymore, it's really dangerous concept that encourages people to stay in toxic relationships

[@SagittariusBabe87]

I agree, it's a dangerous concept and people can stay stuck in toxic relationships. I like your sugar skull makeup! 💀💄

[@auroraborealis6398]

thank you :) @@SagittariusBabe87

[@TheCagedCorvid]

Is feels like another word for trauma bond at this point in my life, all the feelings I had, that inexplicable pull to this person that hurts you, the euphoria of the few good moments, all of it... I always thought there must be something special there regardless of all the pain, until I learned about trauma bonds. Then it all made sense... turns out actual love isn't meant to hurt like that.

[@TheNarcissistSurvivorGuide]

So true

[@auroraborealis6398]

totally agree with the comparison you made with trauma bond@@TheCagedCorvid

[@donnas.1576]

My husband (now ex) of 35 years left me for a woman who he had just met online ("seduced her mind in late night chats", she said). She wrote her 'love story" and published it online. It is the ultimate Harlequin romance story and smacks of love bombing and "combining their possessions" and "sailing into the sunset" fantasy world of the soulmate. My only thoughts were that she is in for a rude awakening and a world of hurt.

[@loanicastillo3327]

Is it not Lord Byron and Lady Caroline? There is something tricky about it... Talk to God. He will tell.

[@atomz1154]

We love you, Dr. Ramani!

[@nicoleta-vw3ql]

Thank you! I've believed in this concept a while, until I realised that I receive only bread crumbs and ilussions. I was kept at the distance and received only ilussions that he send undercover. I was gaslighted and ghosted in the way that I wondered if I am mad or not and I imagine things that didn't exist. But slowly I understood every bullshit he "sold"to me and now I am free. And now I am only spectator...

[@barryosullivan3428]

Thank u for this video Dr Ramani. Indeed in my own experience with my family I am always warning folks about the whole soul mate idea. The problem with these narcissists is how in the moment they can come across as being so likeable. It is other people's behaviours over a long period of time that makes them genuinely good people-not their words. When I now am ever with my narc siblings I literally have to keep pinching myself to realise that all their so called "kindness" and "niceness" is all just an oscar winning performance. Tragically many well intentioned people fall for this performance.

[@soiledskin]

Well said!

[@ardent9422]

I was the young teen/20 something that believed in soulmates, I had a girlfriend in high school and we were 16 talking about getting married, where we were going to live and our careers, but it didn't work out and we both moved on, we were only 16 after all. Then as a late 20 something I met the narcissist and all of that belief in soulmates was obliterated. Now as a late 30 something I would be completely shocked if I ever got to have a healthy relationship, much less getting married, love is simply over.

[@sueware8377]

WOW, Dr. Ramani...this was GREAT! Answered a LOT of questions.

[@acolley2891]

They call you soulmate because they want you soul-tied to their demonic presence in perpetual servitude.

[@JacobStone-cx3mg]

Very interesting 👁️🙏

[@juliekr9614]

This was me. A dreamer, a reader, a romantic and topped off with a Prayer life that thought God brought this person to me. Every word the doctor said is true. Stop the video on occasion and allow her wisdom to sink in and try to see if you can relate it to your relationship. #safe after 31 yrs of this!

[@isabellapiesch4180]

Be careful! I love you and you are my soulmate are key words that narcissists use. Best is watch their actions (if you can...) - then you know if they really love you. And the best thing is say NO to them - you will find out where you stand then. ... Don´t be someone who can be easily used. (Narcissists look out for those kind of people).

[@Kat3111]

Also, the phrase "it feels like I know you for years" - when the person doesn't attempt to get to know you ( actions ), but is just trying to bypass the "get to know" stage by manipulating you into sex right away. Then when you say "no" to sex unless he romantically dates you first for at least few months so that you can get to know each other properly - he says "there is no spark" 😂 And then you are like...."hmmmm....where did the 'it feels like I know you for years' go 🤔🤣". Don't be someone who can be easily used and then kicked to the curbs. Spot on!

[@tylerdiehl1]

I just ended a 2.5 year narcissistic relationship yesterday…. 1 year engaged. After she lambasted me for 15 minutes, pointed out every little insecurity and flaw I had, I was finally done. I needed this today. You are the best narcissism channel I have come across. Thank you.

[@joea1377]

Dr . Ramani you just described my narcissistic relationships to a T! My last one ended up no different, except my expectation was "fairytale" like because I wanted it so badly and waited for it so long. I thought that this last time would be different, like I earned the perfect relationship. It was no different. Realizing once again that I was with a narcissist was like detoxing from heroin. I ghosted and blocked him as soon as the love bombing phase ended. The withdrawal symptoms were so bad. I know I can't fall for this ever again, but I hate being alone and without intimacy. Dr. Ramani, thank you for making a video to explain that I'm not the only one on the receiving end of a toxic fantasy. 😊

[@qubex]

Analogously to you I really felt like my most recently ended narcissistic relationship was actually destined for a fairytale outcome because I felt like after the hell I’d been through and owing to the very deliberate seduction I’d finally found my special person to spend forever with. Turns out that wasn’t the case, surprisingly. They’re just caustically corrosive little parasites aren’t they? They put you through living hell and make you think you’re experiencing an exclusive paradise reserved for the very select few.

[@Carollori]

I am in similar situation. But at 65 it took less than a year so see he was off and now out of my life physically but not yet divorced waiting for a year of separation to pass for no fault. Why is divorce so expensive and difficult

[@Flaminhotmo247]

🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@joea1377]

@@Carollori 🙏♥️

[@joea1377]

@@Flaminhotmo247 🙏♥️

[@mariohenriquemarcondespere5031]

OMG. And OMG again. I’ve watched all videos in this channel…and they were so meaningful to me…but this one in particular is just…a description of my life and my story. The moment of the “wake up call” is horrible. After 11 years I’m still stuck facing serious mental and physical problems! I wish everyone in this situation could see this video. Thanks again Dr. Ramani. A lot!

[@d.awdreygore]

Thank you so much for this! I've seen so many people put up with abuse for the sake of this nonsense.

[@MGTheFuture]

This was heart breaking. I want to disagree with it, but you really can’t. That’s really how it goes... from any spiritual or religious predisposition to a “chosen” person by god / universe

[@French-Kiss24]

I used to believe somewhat in this. I think what might be an underlying cause, at least for me, is an emotionally absent father. Mine was dictatorial, controlling and emotionally absent. I’ve come to believe that maybe the belief/ hope that someone understands us at the soul level, is that no one understood us as children. No one cared about what we felt or thought. So there is this deep hope that there is someone out there who will love us unconditionally and will care about what we think and feel.

[@annabelsmart5305]

“A galatically-mandated soulmate”, Dr Ramani, love your one-liners! Thank you so much ::)

[@ronpintx]

"And now I'm glad I didn't know The way it all would end The way it all would go Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain But I'd have had to miss the dance" (Garth Brooks, The Dance)

[@carolynjaynes9094]

As a spirit medium, I know we come to Earth to learn certain soul lessons that we planned in advance of our birth. I see a "soul mate" as someone we contracted with to learn discernment. The connection has to be overpowering and familiar to bond the lovers. Most are people we knew and loved in a past life, which explains love at first sight. And yes, I agree that much damage can be done when we step into this karmic dance unaware. Please get out as quickly as you can when you see their red flags. They won't change but you can! Empowerment is another important lesson, as is self-compassion, patience, and self-love. We are here to learn and who better than a former friend we knew in a past life or in spirit who comes to help us with that lesson? It might be meant to be, but not meant to last. Let it go when it hurts. Love is trust, light-hearted, joyful, safe and comfortable. That's as good as it gets. Thank you, Dr. Ramani for all you do for us.

[@bd-pl7oo]

I definitely think there are soul *connections* - people who are destined to experience each other in lots of different ways (romantic, platonic, family, friend, etc.) - but wouldn’t say that just because there are strong connections we need to stay connected when it becomes toxic. I think people are here to offer each other lessons and one of the lessons I have learned from people who are casting deep narcissism and woundedness outwardly (toward me) is how to deeply love and honor myself, then it’s much easier (and necessary) to fend/ward off their absolutely pathetic and toxic behavior. Strength-based self-love and self-worth: it’s what’s on tap for the remainder of my days on earth.

[@becheruauroraelena6142]

Dr Ramani, you are a true saviour! I am so glad that I can live in a world that you exist and spread truth among grandiose expectations. Thank you for everything that you do, I always follow your wisdom with great awe. 🙏

[@blacktornado5212]

I believed in soulmate for years. I was always a loner and misunderstood, socially awkward. It was probably the highest when I was desperate for friends and an SO and I kept putting myself out there. My belief is pretty much non-existent now, and I believe that I am meant to be alone. We all want someone who gets us, who we can be yourself around, someone who will be by your side and give you a push when you need it, someone to share life with, do amazing things with. That is pretty much my definition of a soulmate.

[@unlimitedcreations5928]

Soulmates atleast from a spiritual sense is someone who comes in your life to teach you a lesson it has little to do with how good a person is

[@YW-gm9gu]

I definitely needed to listen to this today. The numbed out piece of myself which yearns for a love fantasy depicted in soulmates.

[@migdaliavasquez1874]

I love learning… and when I hear from Dr Ramani relate that sometimes our beliefs systems or attitudes trap us in toxic relationships because we believe in the grandiose soulmate ideal and if it happens to be an abusive and manipulative narcissist “it’s the perfect setup for their narcissistic supply” (Dr Ramani). I love the challenge of challenging my mindset about beliefs that could hurt persons more than help because narcissist prey on these ideals.

[@lex33122]

I cant say I'm a soulmate believer to the extreme. I do believe that some people resonate really well when paired, however, I may get a little carried away and fall victim just as you described. I feel called out in a good way. Thank you doc. This isn't really anything new to me, but the perspective is very impactful and its gonna help a lot.

[@jrhc3827]

I watch a KZbin tarot reader/astrologer who's a former news producer for a major network. Her definition of soulmate encompasses all of the people who play significant roles in one's life. One has many soulmates--most of whom are in your life to teach lessons (though they're not necessarily aware of that function). Twin flames, on the other hand, are thought to be of one soul, and those relationships can be lovely but also very difficult because they are mirrors of each other. Food for thought. ... I've had so many extraordinary coincidences and "signs" in my life that to dismiss the mystical would define me as incredibly ungrateful.

[@abvieon6478]

It's kind of a shame that the whole soulmate/twin flame concept has been marred by abusive relationships mimicking them. It can be truly difficult to tell them apart if you have not experienced both. Both can seem "galactically mandated" as Ramani puts it, but in the case of an abusive/codependent relationship you find yourself drawn to it because they may manipulate you into feeling that you have to "save" them (or you feel this way because of low self worth, and wanting to prove yourself.) Despite the fact that this is unfortunately the case for a lot of the soulmate stories talked about, I've experienced too many signs and synchronicities to totally dismiss the idea that there is such a thing as soul connections, destined meetings, etc. (I think even abusive relationships can be this way to some extent, but they exist for the purpose of teaching you a lesson, not to stay with the person for good.)

[@nicolethetrainer3871]

I'm a recovering soulmate believer, I had a shitty childhood and even into adulthood (probably partially due to the soulmate beliefs!!) But I think I developed the belief as a defense mechanism, that one day everything will be better, I can relax and live on in happiness and love. 😢 I had to believe in something, that someone wanted me, that I belonged with someone else and they with me. I have siblings and framily, but no one so close that they're there everyday thick and thin. My parents are alive, but I am an orphan.

[@Musick328]

I love this Woman. god please keep her safe and well. bless her!!

[@strawberry_lacroix]

My narcissistic ex told me she loved me and called me her soul mate during sex within the first month of us dating. I of course believed it. Her saying it during sex made it believable. Especially because I tend to fall very quickly, become infatuated quickly, and it was the honeymoon phase. It all felt so believable. I felt that I had truly met my person. I finally found “the one”. I truly believed that she was my meant to be and I held onto that belief. She brought up marriage, kids, and much more so quickly. For me, it felt like it was too good to be true. I couldn’t believe I found my “soul mate”. It’s been a year since she left me and I still have the need to be connected to her. It brings me so much pain.

[@amina0816]

Exactly how it happened! My husband fed me with the soulmate, twin flame, and love of my life. And I did believe in that 1 true love. So I fell for it. Dated for 3 weeks. Started dating mid-Jan last year. Engaged mid-February. Moved in together end of March. Married in August of last year and since the time we moved in together, it has been a miserable time. Health was affected in so many ways. I started doing research on his behavior and had that moment of “THIS!! Is what he is” I Came across your channel and was listening to your videos and others every day and was like omg this is scary how on point this is. This was around the beginning of July and I started moving differently with him. I was in therapy and still am, and told myself I got to show up for me. It was and still is a challenge at times. I trying to break this soul tie! I left at the beginning of this month.

[@elsh332]

"2 months is like 20 years in soulmate world" had me laughing!! 😂😂😂 and I'm allowed because I paid my dues and literally lived this in the last 12 months. I met a dude, "fell in love," got married, separated, had a nervous breakdown, went through counselling with a Domestic Violence support professional, and am seeing clearly now.

[@jrr4475]

I hate the term "in love". The guy I was in a situationship with was "in love" with a couple women throughout his life. When he described it, I literally remember saying to him out loud "that's interesting, sounds like a fairytale" (I thought what he was saying was ridiculous. He responded "Yeah, it was". I don't remember him using "soulmates", but what Dr. Ramani is saying is reminding me of him and his use of "in love".

[@kdycruz]

Souls mate concept I don't think is real. Those are charming stories.Thanks God I feel complete. Blessings and peace to everyone ✨🙏✨

[@NJones-lb1ln]

Dr. Ramani❣️ You had me at “the anti-Cupid”! 😂😂😂

[@justlooking1593]

you don’t know how much i needed to hear this TODAY!

[@teresakohman9791]

I am one of these soulmate believers. I felt a magnetic pull to him, we had so much in common. I loved him but now realizing it was the person he was portraying to be. I had a crappy childhood and first marriage was a lot of drinking. So I fell hard for my soon to be ex. I seen the red flags but thought I could navigate through them….wrong! Now after 18 years I am trying to navigate divorcing the narcissist. I can say it’s not an enjoyable part of my life right now.

[@tracyfox466]

Yep! I was that 22 yr old sucker!🙄 Married my so called , “Soulmate” and I truly thought he was for several years until our 2 kids came along then he changed the goal posts. After 27 yrs of putting up with silent treatments, triangulation, gaslighting, devaluation, disrespect, disloyalty, codependency, arrogance, superiority, bread crumbing, and having my boundaries completely ignored I called him on his BS and he couldn’t get out the door fast enough to line up his next victim. Within a month she became future Wife #3 “Soulmate” because she had lots of money. So while he is living large I’m dealing with 2 kids that up to this point have been the light of my life, but now that they are in their mid 20’s and early 30’s are starting to exhibit the same toxic behaviors and patterns. I also have a 9 yr old grandson that also has several BPD/NPD traits such as can’t be wrong, has a problem with taking accountability, and has obsessive thinking when it comes to perfection. Shoot me now!!🤦‍♀️ This runs all through my ex’s family as well as my own so it’s definitely hereditary. Dr. Ramani and going back to school for Clinical Social Work saved me as it was all the research I did on Personality Disorders where I received my “AHA” moment concerning my ex, many other family members on both sides, as well as past and present friends, coworkers, and bosses. The perfect little Twin flame life I thought I had was a complete sham, illusion, and fantasy world that slowly and methodically turned into my worst nightmare. It took me years to recover mentally and emotionally from the loss of my marriage and the harsh truth that I had been groomed and programmed since birth. Just coming to the realization that I had been conned and bamboozled by the majority of the people I loved most in this world was soul crushing to say the least. I just wasn’t banking on the possibility of my 2 beloved children and grandson taking up where the others left off in their toxicity to finish me off. I feel like I’ve been living in a Matrix of which I can’t escape, as the only real solution is to walk away and go no contact from them as well. Of course as much as that breaks my heart into pieces I’ll be judged and scapegoated for that decision as well. Dr. Ramani is so right when she says to be careful of those wolves in sheep’s clothing as the short time of bliss you may have with that Prince/Princess Charming will not be worth a lifetime of regret.😢

[@debbiecarson7005]

They will bobble head mimic love 💕 until it gets old to them

[@annetallegrand5656]

I still love the idea of soul mates❤ I won’t let the narcs take that away. I’ve seen people call each other soul mates. It’s not metaphysical, it’s a role someone agrees to. A best friend for life! A lover who will be there, it’s ok to have a realistic concept of this. And my narc husband never felt like my soul mate🤣

[@Omoye]

One of the first things the covert narcissist in my life (well not anymore, I’ve CUT HER OUT my life, no grey rock. Plain stone cold no contact) was have me agree we were “platonic soulmates”. I felt so fulfilled that she was confiding her toughest feelings/ traumas with me that she hadn’t shared with even her sister. She told me so called “ secrets” that were all revisions history to have me see her as the most vulnerable and incapable person who just so happened to only trust me with this knowledge. It was ALL a ploy to train me to do her bidding.

[@DivestedChristian]

So many black w0men do it. Stay out of blackistan and #divest

[@petralee574]

I was caught in the soulmate fantasy for 15 years …. Got birthday cards and Christmas cards with “you are my soulmate” … I fell for it hook line and sinker - until one day he left and one of his last texts to me was: “we were never soulmates!” In the end, he was cruel and hurtful. Back then I was devastated… now, almost 3 years later, I am much better and no longer worried about soulmates and I am definitely, 100 percent better at detecting red flags

[@paratrooper73]

Thank you so much for giving this attention. The more vids there are like this, the more chance they will bump up into this and really hope they feel the urge to watch it. I keep on spreading this word as well, and they don't like it, but I know I left a little seed to think about. ❤

[@adinagionescu7112]

I wish I knew you 20 years ago, dear Dr.Ramani. I was so convienced I had found my "soul mate" and to my surprise, he was not! I am not perfect, but I should have loved myself so much more. And not direct my whole inner energy to a man who was a simple narcisist.

[@brynnleapierce5600]

Soulmates are the great fallacy derived from Rom-Coms, fairytales & hopeless romantics❕ I did in my 20s, but there's the kicker, it caused me to fall into to the trauma-bonded Narcissistic dance wasting years & time from my hourglass. 4 years ago, the light bulb went off, then I gained knowledge & with clarity of what narcissists are & once you see it, you can't see it.

[@burymeinbaldwin5896]

Eloquently said. Once again Appreciated!

[@barbarajloriordan2697]

I agree with you 100% about soul mates. My husband and I were happy for 43 years, and then he died. We went through a lot, including his dementia. I never thought of him as my soulmate. He *was* my very good friend, and, even during all the struggles around his dementia, which were considerable, we found a way to enjoy each other. We had a blast a lot of the time. We both knew that the time when he was going to be himself was limited, so we tried to put everything into making that time as happy and fulfilling for both of us as we could. I think that the “soulmate” concept has brought more pain to humanity than it has brought satisfaction. I think that there’s some narcissism in the soulmate concept. The narcissistic part is not only the grandiosity. It is also that the soulmate believer is searching for somebody whom they can incorporate into their fantasy, and to incorporate (co-opt, seduce, conscript) somebody into one’s fantasy is to depersonalize them. Also, the soulmate believer may welcome the soulmate-object with open arms and an open heart, but the believer can be very dismissive toward ordinary people who could actually become viable partners. The soulmate believer can be “too picky” because they believe that ordinary people aren’t enough (good enough) in one way or another. I am probably going to get a lot of flack for saying this, but I think that, at least in some cases, a person who gets bound by a narcissist would benefit from asking themself whether or not they are themselves suffering from some hidden (suppressed/repressed) narcissistic complication. I think that the narcissist can sometimes be seen as being a projection of the victim’s inner critic, and, in order to heal, the victim may need to explore that. The victim may have also been shamed as a child for what people in the environment called “selfish” behavior and, therefore, repressed the selfishness that is in everybody. I think that, if the victim can find that inner “selfish person” and learn to accept it and love it, that could create the opportunity for some personal integration. I think that many people who have left a narcissistic relationship feel angry with the narcissist for a long time afterward. They may mentally rehearse ways in which the narcissist has mistreated them, or they may rehearse clever things that they might say to the narcissist to show the narcissist that they are free. I think that whenever we are angry, that’s a sign that something in us is unsealed, and I do believe that learning to love oneself is the real healer. When I explored the feelings of unworthiness that allowed me to believe my inner critic/the narcissist, and when I also learned to accept and embrace my inner “selfishness” and allow it to develop into healthy self interest, I felt a great relief. I also stopped hating the narcissist. I think what happened is that when I stopped seeing myself as needing to be an angel (perfect) and started seeing myself as an ordinary human being who had some virtues and some faults, I no longer needed to see the narcissist as a monster. I could see them as a human being who has got themself into a difficult emotional/karmic trap that they did not have the humility or clarity to see their way out of . When I started to see myself as an ordinary human being, and when I also could see the narcissist as a human being, I was able, not to be indifferent, but actually to have some altruistic feelings toward the narcissist. In the same way that I hope that everybody will heal, I hope that the narcissist will heal. In other words, I see the person as a member of the human race. I am not responsible for their healing, and I do hope that they can heal, but that’s between them and God and has nothing to do with me. They are on God’s timetable, not mine. When I think of the narcissist in this more altruistic way, I try not to get personal about the matter. For example, I pray for the healing of everybody, including all the people who are narcissists. Or I may speak of the narcissist not as “my brother” but as “our brother.” I also think that the soulmate fantasy may be a response to some unpleasant experience that the person could not integrate. The fantasy may signify a failure to find satisfaction in ordinary relationships, so the person develops the idea of this extra-special, divinely mandated relationship instead. It is possible that the soulmate believer is introverted in tendency and, they may also have undeveloped social skills. Developing social skills can take some work, and it is easier to attach one’s hopes to a fantasy person who will magically understand one in every way. Sometimes I think that what the soulmate believer needs is supportive coaching in developing skills that many of us develop in middle childhood and middle school - how to act at a party, how to behave in a group, how to participate on a sports team, how to act around people who judge you or reject you or even make fun of you, how to manage money. Just having these basic life skills creates a kind of inner tensile strength that protects people against the excesses of imagination.

[@cinnabunning]

Internet friend, I wanted to enthusiastically appreciate the ✨excellent✨ contributions you made to this conversation, which was the reason I kept reading each subsequent paragraph.... but oh my goodness, that was a mercilessly lengthy KZbin comment 😂😂 it's important stuff, maybe writing a book on these subjects, or starting your own video/Shorts series, would be a great part of your future? Just a little thought, thank you again hehe

[@nikkifullwood3440]

I enjoyed your comment very much and it does definitely speak volumes.

[@lennie1703]

Yes, an excellent and searingly accurate account of being a 'participant' in a soul-mate scenario. I say it was MY hubris and MY vanity that made it possible for him (my ex narcissist) to hoodwink me into believing I was his soul-mate.

[@barbarajloriordan2697]

@@lennie1703I think that, if you can face these things about yourself, you sre on the way to healing. I wish you all the best.

[@lennie1703]

@barbarajloriordan2697 ❤️ thankyou.

[@whitneyhouse251]

Soul mates come in many forms, not just romantic! Its about understanding, acceptance, unconditional love and someone with whom you can be your absolute self without fear of judgment or shame. There may be unintentional hurts and misunderstanding but this isn't the same as willful ignorance, judgment and abuse.

[@rj9195-w4r]

Yikes. This hit home. My narcissistic relationship was pushed on me by someone "spiritual" who told me I was their soul mate. I never believed in it, but it felt so good to be thought of that way. It was part of his love bombing and initial insistence in solidifying the relationship (I didn't want to be bf and gf so quickly). Quite quickly after we met his father passed away and then I became his caretaker and protector and dismissed red flags. We were soul mates and he was in desperate need of me.... ugh. Frustratingly obvious in retrospect.

[@rollsroyce5400]

My narcissistic ex lovebombed me and told me we were soulmates, but in reality he was studying me. He would then copy everything I would do and then be like “look how we mirror each other”, I was 17 and he was 22 when we first started talking. I believed him bc he would reiterate that he felt so connected to me everyday. He’d go above and beyond to get my attention and even use to tag in a Twitter post daily calling me “superior” or speaking on how beautiful I was. I’m 20 now and out of what ended up being an abusive relationship. My self esteem is still tarnished from the 2 years I dated him but I’m happy to be free and away from him. Even after I broke up I with him after all he put me through I still believed that we had a soul tie bc of what he instilled in me. But thanks to this video, my doubts on this soul tie have been validated. And I now know for sure him categorizing me as his soulmate was entangled with his manipulations and abuse tactics. I haven’t been able to afford therapy yet but this channel helps me so much, thank you Dr. Ramani.

[@jocelyndambrosio7794]

Dr Ramani. You- and your content -are priceless !!!!!❤🎉😂❤🎉😂

[@roxstarb4129]

I have no reason to doubt what you’re saying, Dr. Ramani! Thank you for stating the truth of it all! I NEVER want to live a lie!