The Tale of the Red Toolbox and the Narcissist

NORTH CAROLINA RETREAT
November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@youngblood8540]

Your life gets better when you STOP CARING about someone, who doesn't care about you!

[@elliemay7569]

Does it ever! Wow what a release in so many ways

[@user-df3eo9qx9p]

Well said. Over time they become a distant shadow that keeps getting dimmer and dimmer to finally complete nothingness. Indifference is the key.

[@bethj9952]

The opposite of love is indifference.

[@Lailat854]

Words!

[@rickmaria9546]

So very true!!!!!

[@steverobelli]

We should all be able to sue narcissists for.. intentional infliction of emotional distress.

[@shainanash8518]

so true

[@NonconformingWoman]

Yes!However, I’m afraid the system would be increasingly backed up, sadly we still would have to endure through the chaos.

[@susankeith326]

Why on earth would you want to do anything to require more contact with a narcissist? No contact is much better in most cases.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

Exactly it’s intentional but it comes down to he said she said. Got to have solid evidence-good luck

[@camilledunsford2632]

Yeeeeeees

[@agatakjoy]

"I just have to go spiritual with this shit" - love you, Dr Ramani. I'm stealing this line for future use. 😀

[@jodycasey6936]

❤💯

[@LSMH528Hz]

Dr. R. must have seen Keanu in the 'Constantine" movie

[@beingilluminous]

I swear to God going spiritual is the only way I’ve kept my sanity… And that’s between going spiritual or laughing maniacally sometimes :-). honestly recovering from this is such a lifelong experience

[@bekind7288]

My red toolbox moment came months after I finally divorced him. He bought a house 2 miles down from me and our teenage son. After a fishing trip my son was at his house, I called to ask when he wanted me to come get him. After checking with his dad, he said "and dad wants me to ask you if you can take the fish guts and find an apartment complex or something and throw them in the dumpster." I just chuckled and told him No, you're dad can take care of that, he's a grown man. He never said a word about it when I picked up our son. Although I was reacting emotionally in my head, I didn't let it spew out of my mouth. I guess that's a form of radical acceptance. Now, 2 years later, I rarely have to talk with him, my son no longer wants to be around the toxic behavior so he doesn't go to his dad's and we both have so much peace in our lives ❤ Thank you for all that you do to help people Dr. Ramani. From one homebody to another...You're awesome ❤

[@jeankipper6954]

My narc wasband was so enraged and put out when our neighbor, surely his equal, REFUSED to let him clean the cat litter bok into her yard! I just laughed (not out loud). GOOD for her!!!

[@fighttheevilrobots3417]

​@@jeankipper6954 omg wasband I love that please can I use this

[@marywallner4720]

Oh my gosh, just like my ex. 'Come and gut these fish' . . . I remembered butchering chickens on Mother's Day . . . how he wanted me to show him how to wrap a gift for his side chick . . . How I was expected to make everybody dinner right after giving birth(a homebirth) . . . He's been committed to the state mental hospital for the rest of his life(horrifying story). . .

[@bekind7288]

@@marywallner4720 oh, Mary, how absolutely horrific!! I am so sorry you had to go through any of that! Thank God he is unable to any longer. Even if we’re smart and level headed we can get sucked into some pretty awful relationships when it comes to narcs. I can’t imagine the healing that had to take place for you. Praying for you and your children! Sending you hugs 🥰

[@sueg2658]

I stopped caring too, and started caring about myself for the first time. Putting myself first I found the courage to end my 20+ marriage to a narcissist.

[@marywallner4720]

Me too!!👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

[@vickymulder411]

I stopped caring. Focusing on myself now.

[@barbarascoggins5239]

Explains so much why they invade your space Its all about disrespect to control you

[@elizabethd590]

Agreed. I love being alone because my personal space has been so invaded. There is no limit to their disrespect.

[@LSMH528Hz]

don't think they have any healthy way to interact.

[@ScottWeiner-g2b]

A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient

[@MartinKrutzfeld-o1f]

There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

[@ScottWeiner-g2b]

Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..

[@MartinKrutzfeld-o1f]

This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.

[@ScottWeiner-g2b]

You wont regret it

[@tmarie7303]

No there is no perfect marriage and I'm thrilled for you that you were both able to work yours out. However your comment doesn't apply to a narcissistic marriage. In that case one person is the abuser in one person is the abused and that is not a marriage that should be worked out unless unless the abuser is able to take full accountability and actually change. That's not an option for narcissists.

[@nilaja-itsmylife]

That man would never have listened to the frail woman. Narcissists often have one person they absolutely oppose no matter what.

[@lilunette9319]

My brother opposes me like this. I went no contact over him, not respecting my boundaries when I told him to stop sending me Facebook posts we then fought about. He's misogynistic and voted for Trump in 2016.

[@dk5755]

True! I could tell my ex something multiple times, only to be completely dismissed or insulted for suggesting such a thing. When his adult daughter (who was perfect in his eyes) would suggest the exact same thing I did, he wouldn’t stop talking about how great the idea was!

[@theresaridge3752]

Bravo Dr. Ramani! You are so right on the money. Though it took a lot of suffering, I now know how to buffer myself from this type of crazy draining existence. I stopped caring and feel a lot better. Thank you Dr. Ramani, we cannot thank you enough!

[@leticiatoraci9855]

Indeed, their partner is often their most disrespected emotional punching bag.

[@MrsEd-fh2gs]

​@@lilunette9319Nothing is worse than proclaiming the grass is green, the sky is blue and the sun is shining when it actually is while the narcissist tells you otherwise and everyone else in the room agrees with them.

[@sherrypennington6015]

😢😢😢 I’m 57 and trying to heal.i am so tired. Thank you for getting it Dr. Ramani.

[@joecristina3461]

A sad and beautiful tale. Sad for them. Beauty at a high price for us. Dr. R, you're a lifesaver.

[@dottyp137]

I hope you’re okay Dr Ramani. Sending you lots of love in your difficult time. You are loved by many keep remembering. Take good care xxx

[@riddsgirl]

Dr. Ramani, you have given us a gift with your videos, your books, and your guidance. It took me until my early 50s as well before I came to a place of understanding the narcissistic relationships in my life. You helped me, and you continue to help me, complete a puzzle that I had been struggling to put together for more than 40 years. Seeing these relationships clearly, even in hindsight, is so validating and freeing, and for that, I can't thank you enough! Love to you, sister.

[@winter-qd4yw]

Same experience here! Did not start understanding until the age of 55! Still struggling with some things and continuing to learn. Dr Ramani has been so instrumental in my learning! So grateful to her! Wishing you the best!

[@tennysoneffie6943]

Here I am at 68 years old , divorced 24 years and the more I listen to Dr Ramani, (I’ve read her books) I realise how far I’ve developed in terms of my own self worth. I’m living a beautiful life, It hasn’t been an easy road but I remind myself every morning that I am beautiful, and I’m worthy!

[@JC-bu6vl]

I am going to re-watch this video any time I feel that false hope sneaking in.

[@Long_May_They_Raine]

I had a small smile about halfway through this. A BRILLIANT way to explain this.

[@floxendoodle942]

Narc mother thought I should take care of her in her old age and let her live in my already crowded house once she sold her house of 50 years. I said, “Nope.” She is now far away in a different state, living in a senior home near my golden child brother. She’s his problem now. Don’t need toxic anywhere near me and my family.

[@turnbacktime65]

❤ good for you. Great decision. I love stories of truth tellers standing up to the narc.

[@Mindy-r2s]

This story reminds me of when my narc husband decided to bring his new full body black bear mount the size of a grizzly bear complete with a rock foundation into my dining room. He didn't want it in the basement. I complained over and over and was so embarrassed when people came over to visit. Finally, one Christmas I decided to hang Christmas bulbs on it while we were eating our Christmas dinner. He became enraged !! Said I was destroying it and even took pictures! Only after that, he moved it into his own bedroom.

[@abbratakeschicago]

Wow…good for you and how strange an action took! Out of a bit of bad girl in you to make fun with the lights did it finally affect him. Fantastic. Totally get it.

[@camilledunsford2632]

Wow that's messed up. So clever of you. You neutralised him

[@asdf9890]

Sounds like you had separate bedrooms? Says it all!

[@Lailat854]

Oh yes, I stopped caring! So much so that I spared my grown up kids (who also understood he was toxic), and myself a brutal divorce. I didn’t understand he was a narcissist before after 30 years of marriage. Last time he went in what I later understood was silent treatment - I went silent! Met him with total silence and still do. Except when I have to communicate regarding my daughters or when they and their inlaws come to visit. I behave normal! And every tome he thinks it is all ok and I am back. Unbelievably stupid! I don’t need the paper - I live as I please, I travel, I work, I have my lifelong friends and my family! After 32 years (2 years in silence) of marriage I have no plans to get into a new relationship anyway. I love my own company - for the first time in my life. I am free!! And it feels sooooo good.

[@janeloraine6231]

Congrats doc, on understanding the lifelong hopelessness and injustice of that control, and not taking the fight. Thanks for weaving the story into a moral for others, to also unclench the injustice. They don't change. No matter how heavy or useless the toolbox, it is a placeholder of their control.

[@davidchelepyan5233]

I feel that narcissistic families create an ecosystem that is different and separated from the real world. As a child growing up in this ecosystem when you do finally go out into the "real" world it is very difficult and anxiety provoking. You feel inadequate and others can see through the facade of you trying to please them. Thank you for the videos Dr. Ramani!

[@loudaprile471]

"Sometimes I have to get spiritual about this shit" my new fave Dr. R quote

[@virginiathornton8828]

62 YEAR THANK YOU

[@SamSolasdonSaol]

Your stories are always like a good workout... I'm going to hurt for a couple days, but I'll be stronger for it. Thank you for being you and for watering my garden so generously. You're infinitely appreciated! ❤️

[@jodycasey6936]

Beautifully said🙏🏻 thank you

[@anitabart6711]

You just described my life. The tool boxes are now gone from my life. I am still trying to find me.

[@suzanne4396]

@anitabart6711. Same. Just left, at 59. I don't know, any longer, who " Me " is ...

[@anitabart6711]

@@suzanne4396 I understand. I am just trying to be the best I can be. I have to totally trust the people I open up to. Each day is a new struggle, but so worth it. Hugs and pressing forward.

[@dbt2910]

Thank you so much, Dr Ramani. You answered me. "Indifference is power. Radical acceptance is loss of love, loss of respect and tremendous grief." I get it now, sometimes I'm indifferent. I practice gray rocking & radical acceptance. That's why when I get angry at the narc mother because of being insulted & invalidated, I sometimes shout coz I've lost the love and respect I once had. I also lost the trying to please aspect. I learned to push back more vocally sometimes. With vulnerable narc, it's always passive-aggressive. I now feel less crazy. Bless you, Dr Ramani.

[@t_nels]

Thank you for saying there is no proof narcissistic people do or don't live longer. The last thing we need to do is worry about it.

[@culinarycuisinee]

My grandmother is a narcissis , she has abused my mother and my grand father, she is still Alive 73 years

[@dustinmiller2775]

A man's joy prolongeth his days.

[@t_nels]

@@dustinmiller2775 in the case of a narcissist I would argue they have no real joy, only the desire to win or conquer. That includes to acquire using criminal behavior. They are really only best at one thing and that is deceiving themself.

[@dustinmiller2775]

@@t_nels I don't think that verse is about them. Just like everything else isn't. 😬

[@t_nels]

@@dustinmiller2775 Verse? I've recently found a KZbin channel that states Narcissists life is shortened by about 20 years. It's been stated many times but aside from a comment now and then on other channels, I have never heard the data on it.

[@cheftdog50]

Amen! Thank you Doc I needed this so much. You are my fairy godmother.at 55. Still learning ❤

[@breecheez]

“Indifference is power” I felt that IMMENSELY. I will need to remember it when communicating with my narcissistic mom

[@abirami5693]

Big Hugs Dr.Ramani, to you and the frail woman. 🫂🫂

[@Alison-o9d]

Yes, a huge hug to Dr. Ramani and friends. This story is very sad to me. But explained in a way only someone who went through it could ever do. 😿💙🩵🏞

[@abirami5693]

@@Alison-o9d Exactly!! Her narration shows the sadness behind.

[@youngblood8540]

A narcissist made that heavy toolbox without wheels for narcissists with the intent of annoying their spouses. 😂

[@Irishajw2]

“I just have to go spiritual with this shit.” Now that’s funny. Almost spit out my lunch laughing.

[@BuckleyThompson]

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

[@Noor-m2e]

I love the work you do for people who are trying to heal from narcissistic abuse.

[@DahrienD]

OMG, once again you hit the nail on the head!!! This is my life literally and metaphorically!!!!

[@PL-tj5sd]

Thank you!

[@reneemorgan3144]

Thank you for this Dr. Ramani. I was 54 when I moved the toolbox. I lost alot. I did however gain myself and that is priceless ❤❤❤

[@barbarascoggins5239]

Wow Great talk Dr. R!

[@QX-xq5uj]

The toolbox tale made me laugh... but cry too. Thanks again dear Dr. Ramani. Your wisdom hasn't only helped the frail person, you're helping humanity❤🙏🏻

[@tsukigalleta]

It's sooo good to hear so many times that radical acceptance is such a big step. It feels like a compliment ☺ but specially it feels like I'm doing way better than I give myself credit for, which makes me give myself credit 😁

[@sushmayen]

There's no hope of saving the relationship.

[@opticalmixing23]

@@sushmayen I have to go spiritual with this shit

[@anitarotheram1993]

Indifference- it IS the key. Thank you

[@dianellwylie7514]

I've been married to a narcissist for 20 years. I thought I was losing my mind, losing myself. Then I found your channel. Thank you soooooo much. You have helped me so much.❤

[@elizabethbettencourt1116]

This was so powerful. Thank you, Dr. Ramani! Bless you for your work. I am 53, and this past year, finally, this test I have passed! You are a lifesaver and life-changer!

[@Janszymon-d1j]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her

[@HannaMagdalena-m6b]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back

[@Janszymon-d1j]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?

[@HannaMagdalena-m6b]

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@Janszymon-d1j]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@cymbolichuman433]

You don't realize that you get to open a new chapter in your life.

[@kristenbogroff4864]

Heartbreaking, but in it's own way, a beautiful story, and inspiring to the rest of us. Thank you for all you do ❤️🫂🙏

[@patrickbinford590]

Dr Ramani, you handled it with radical acceptance in a totally diplomatic way while being authentic. That is actually really good. And inspiring.

[@TracyLee-yc9br]

His dismissal of me after his 1 yr. emotional affair was the "Click" for me. 38days since i caught him, 2 days from the "Click" in my brain. But this DEEP tactic is unrealistic. Every second I want him to buck up, see my pain etc. I just can't shut up! I am aware how important, how life saving it could be for me. The grief & soo much rage... it is consuming me. I'm in the unable to leave group. I appreciate advice from those who have gone before. Thank you

[@Mimi_in_the_Mtns]

Watching these videos, finding community in the comment section, and journaling have helped me on this journey. You will find out a lot about yourself and solace in knowing you are not alone.

[@EffieS-fh8xn]

Understandably you still want things to change, but you cannot change someone else's personality or perception, that is out of your control. Once you can fully accept that and let go the DEEP tactic becomes easier with practice.

[@Barracuda941]

Thank you for being so authentic. I've watched your videos for 2 years and they helped me get to a point that I understand the situation that confused me for 20+ years, and now I'll be out of it in 2 weeks. Peace at last.

[@turnbacktime65]

Kudos to you. You didn’t give up.❤

[@marieborchardt2910]

I was so sad when I realized I had stopped caring, but then I felt relieved and began to understand. I cant change the past, I can't change what shaped me, but I'm happy to understand myself better and make better choices. And I like who I am. 😊 Thank you Dr. Ramini for explaining my thoughts and feelings so well. It's good to know I'm not alone.

[@BritoCornelio]

I'm retired at 27, went from Grass to Grace. This video here reminds me of my transformation from a nobody to good home, honest wife, $35k biweekly and a good daughter full of love ❤️.......

[@coolman123cool12]

I'm highly inspired. Please spill some sugar about the bi-weekly stuff you mentioned.

[@BritoCornelio]

I raised 75k and Christina Ann Tucker is to be thanked. I got my self my dream car 🚗 just last weekend, My journey with her started after my best friend came back from New York and saw me suffering in dept then told me about her and how to change my life through her. Christina A. Tucker is the kind of person one needs in his or her life! I got a home, a good wife, and a beautiful daughter. Note!:: this is not a promotion but me trying to make a point that no matter what happens, always have faith and keep living!!

[@LetnouBarron]

Wow 😱 I know her too Miss Christina Ann Tucker is a remarkable individual whom has brought immense positivity and inspiration into my life.

[@LetnouBarron]

I started with a miserly $1500. The results have been mind blowing I must say TBH!

[@morganjesse226]

< I know that woman(Christina Ann Tucker) If you were born and raised in new York you'd know too, No doubt she is the one that helped you get where you are!!

[@oceanwoods]

Hugs to Dr R! Living through this crap is such a drain.. Stay strong and do self care!

[@bellaluce7088]

❤❤❤ *Good wishes to you in your difficult time, Dr. Ramani!* ❤❤❤

[@leilagomulka5690]

Yes. Saint Ignacius spoke of “ indifference “ in the face of adversity or honor.

[@NancyBrown1975]

We all have the power to possess and direct our mind to whatever means we desire, to which I say to the narcissist, “I don’t care. I don’t have to care. And you can’t make me care.”Indifference is power. What are they going to do? Be the same? Already knew that.

[@lesliejoyce1944]

Thank you for this. Examples of how to apply these concept are super helpful. Especially the part that contrasts with more regular ways of communicating. After years of being punished for talking, it’s really helpful to know what might be okay to say.

[@michele0324]

"After years of being punished for talking". 🎯 💯 Four years ago I realized I am not the problem. Since then I haven't permitted my narcissistic mother to silence me. Of course I'm punished for using my voice to express boundaries. However there's nothing she can do or say to me that will be as painful as being silenced for decades.

[@IKFKSwitch]

"We say those things when we still have hope." 😭😭😭 So true. Such a harsh thing to have to remind myself of.

[@elelyon1948]

Dr Ramani, you are extreme special in understanding the depths of the soul and the hard ways of destroying narcissistic relationships. Thank you for explaining.

[@reverserebirth-bd3fg]

[@greek_latina]

Indifference is power- wow! 🙌🏽

[@privateprivate8366]

Felt like my covert narcissist, controlling the family dynamic with clutter.😅

[@kindlesofkittens]

One of your very best videos. Bravo, Dr. R!

[@mariafreeman4181]

“ I just have to go spiritual with this shit.” The genuineness of these words and the tone of your voice is so relatable and so validating.

[@Marcella-e1o]

You know what doc Ramani? I can totally relate. Every single thing you said. This house is not normal. I’m that fragile woman. I’m not real old, but being married 40!yrs now to a narcissist. The love and hope are gone… it is absolutely horrible living with that type of person…. Some friends understand ( because they’ve dealt with it) some are idiot enablers to him… I thank every day for you helping us deal with selfishness from a narcissist. He takes over rooms with his belongings ( like the red toolbox) I have the master bedroom and master bathroom and 2 closets ( I call this my apartment) thank you for sharing your story.

[@dk5755]

Aha moment when you said “why do you always have to be so negative!” These were the exact words used all the time! I began to despise myself for becoming the person that didn’t care anymore! That’s not who I am. It was very defeating and degrading for my self worth.

[@TheCattiestCat]

I really needed this, thank you. I was married to a narc for 15 years. He left almost four months ago now, FINALLY. But I am also now dealing with my best friend's elderly aunt with early onset dementia. She was already very self-centered, but the dementia has made it worse. My friend has developed some very severe health problems the last few years and she is Aunt's caregiver. I help out, as I live on the property. I had it out with Auntie last week because she was running my friend ragged as usual, and I could tell my friend was about to completely break down. Auntie was gaslighting the hell out of my friend for trying to set boundaries and it triggered me to the point where I stepped into the conversation. It's now turned into a "cold war" between me and the aunt, who told me to shut up and that I and my opinions weren't wanted. She told me basically I was dead to her. For daring to call her on her shit and defend my friend. I have been trying to sort this all out and figure out how to deal with that situation, because I am still wading through 15+ years of being married to a lying, cheating, sociopathic narc. I'm not doing well at this at all.

[@jodycasey6936]

You’re doing just fine. Breathe. Stay right here. You’re doing enough, do not put yourself down. She comes here every day to lift us up, because we are worth it. Stay right here and hold your head high.❤

[@tpaul8964]

Thank you so much for sharing this - our heart breaks but we can learn to stop caring, stop reacting and to radically accept...these are the markers on the road back to loving & caring for ourselves. You have helped me so much and I thank you.

[@gilashroot8697]

Your stories bring healing and comfort. I am thrilled for YOU AND the FRAIL WOMAN that you could achieve this result. May love, peace, and happiness be restored to the whole world exactly like you restored these to the frail woman. Thank you for sharing. ❤

[@DINAHLUCIA]

I get it now. 55 Years old. Thank you.

[@jocelynco1624]

Thank you for this, Dr. Ramani.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

I totally used to speak up about the tool box, which only caused me stress and harm. They don’t change. I get it now. Learning to disengage and not care other than for those who can’t speak for themselves. Embracing my whole self regardless of them. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@carolynsirianni1251]

My Covert Malignant mother is 87 and still going strong..

[@dbt2910]

Same oh same...sigh...

[@lisamariesmith3610]

The givers of abuse always seem to live longer than the receiver of the abuse. The abusers don’t absorb the stress and trauma.

[@justrosy5]

Thank you for staying relevant with this!

[@HappyHomey]

I found your channel several months ago. I watch religiously. Though I am unable to leave for the time being… you give me my daily reminder that I’m not alone… even if I have to rewatch an older video. You remind me that one day I will get to leave and when that time comes… I will be able to let myself shine like before, never to have to become a gray rock for anyone under my roof again. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. As I stare at the red tool box in my life, I’m sending an enormous virtual hug to you. ~Nicole

[@katherinel1801]

I got goosebumps watching this as I so relate. I didn’t fully detach until my earlier 50’s either. So validating. Thank you.

[@susanbradleyskov9179]

Shel Silverstein is twisted. The toolbox story sounds like a regular Shel Silverstein story. 😉

[@MrsEd-fh2gs]

It's pretty bad when you are an adult child who has been left with the responsibility of clearing out a house full of big red anything's purchased by a now deceased parent who was impressed by "as seen on tv" big red everything's yet never had the patience to learn how to use them properly nor the foresight to see all that glitters is not gold.

[@cryptelligence]

My toolbox owner figured out my only goal was to protect the frail woman and began to torment her in front of me. No contact.

[@aaronknight9759]

This is very relevant to my experiences as well. We had similar tool box filled with all the usual tools, but our dad would take it and keep it in his car. Anything that we wanted to do he would have to approve of and oversee. After a few weeks and a few words, my mom just bought some new “house” tools.

[@flower23487]

I feel seen and heard after many years. The more I see things now, the more I grieve.

[@beverlystover3987]

I had to heft that red tool box out of the kitchen all by myself. Hurt like hell but it’s out now. Maybe still in the garage but out of my daily life now.

[@franciscosticotti2231]

"...Of how narcissist steals the capacity for normal social relationships..." ...Aim and focus in social health, I must (the yoda within me said...)

[@itsme_b]

Thank you for this and for sharing! You, Dr. Ramani, helped save my life. I have a lot of work to do still but YOU, the content you share with us - are priceless.

[@PatriciaBell-uz1pi]

Just when you think that you have finally got a handle on it, you listen to more wisdom and learn more. Thank you for your personal story. It must have hurt like Hell to come to radical acceptance. I'm still on my path.

[@mariateresasanchez4927]

Multiple tool boxes from one parent an a gazillion pot plants from the other.

[@mariarosa9316]

Thank you for sharing your insight and vulnerability. At 50, with the help of your guidance and education, I’m finally free and ready to heal (I went no contact for the sake of my children and I want to end generational trauma) and I’m ready now to work on my healing. The most positive outcome, my kids (in their 20’s) have tremendous respect for my journey and are my strongest supporters ❤

[@Snowfoxie1]

I feel like working with children for over a decade has helped me with radical acceptance. The way you talked to the owner of the toolbox is exactly the way I talked to stubborn kindergartners.

[@t_nels]

Twisted Shel Silverstein book 😅

[@tamarazwinak]

The most profound video you've produced thus far. Thank you for dedicating your time to share these healing messages with us.

[@turnbacktime65]

Well said!❤

[@PenninkJacob]

When you say you "stopped caring" does that mean you stopped hoping for any justice, resolution, equality, partnership, cooperation, understanding, fairness, any light at the end of the tunnel, and endless nerve-racking uncertainty? That is what I am realizing now... I guess that is "acceptance" of reality. But I still am working on how I can make my life better... dare I say, am I healing? 👍❤❤❤ (no justice is really hard tho...)

[@SarahPullman-r4d]

Sending good luck and strength with what you are going Dr Ramani❤ Thank you for everything u do ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@MrsEd-fh2gs]

To those who believe narcissists live longer, I say it's not about quantity. It's about quality. I have gained more inspiration, kindness and useful advice from those younger than me; those who barely had enough time to live out their golden years than those narcissists who lived long enough to make at least 3 generations of people feel like the entire universe revolves around them.

[@susanbradleyskov9179]

I’m still too angry about the stupidity of the toolbox.

[@Neresdipity]

Be kind and gentle to yourself, you are human. Wishing you good things.

[@HUMANAFACTA]

Another lifesaving lesson of the stuff not taught in school

[@Lumsden-g7o]

Good one, Dr. Ramani ❤ Mike.

[@lydiaanderson824]

I have been watching your videos for years, and this is the most brilliant one so far that I have seen. Thank you so much for your wisdom and for passing the gifts of the red toolbox on to us. I am finally ridding my life of the remaining narcissists in my family of origin. It is super painful and a deep grief. However, I will walk away and love myself.

[@silkerethemeier5009]

Thanks for this narrative image. That's what I did with the Red Tool Box of my mother. And hell, it feels so good having finally accepted and healed in my 50s now!

[@silkerethemeier5009]

And...almost forgot it...working as a psychlogical therapist, too 😅

[@suec1262]

What a gifted storyteller Dr. R. is. Thank you for this 💕🇨🇦

[@caroleminke6116]

Red toolbox 🧰 he left it behind & then I needed a handyman. Finally I called a young Cuban immigrant living in the area who was working nearby & said he’d waive the $50 fee for driving from a distance… What an honest person who deserved more but I was broke, so I took him to the tool shed. There was this huge red toolbox doing no good to anyone, but it found a great home that day!

[@nelcamo]

Spectacular final 45 seconds. Painful and truthful as is it, could not be put forward in fewer and better words. Thanks now and for the rest of our lives, Dr. Ramani