The three phases of relationships: the reward of success is more work

Whether it lasts for an evening for a lifetime, all relationships progress through three distinct phases: attraction, negotiation, and maintenance. However, it's wrong to believe that these phases have distinct boundaries between them. In point of fact, a phase is never terminated once it has been initiated in the course of a relationship. This means that much of the third phase is devoted to maintaining attraction and managing frame.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
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[@psychacks]

Whether it lasts for an evening for a lifetime, all relationships progress through three distinct phases: attraction, negotiation, and maintenance. However, it's wrong to believe that these phases have distinct boundaries between them. In point of fact, a phase is never terminated once it has been initiated in the course of a relationship. This means that much of the third phase is devoted to maintaining attraction and managing frame. Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: amzn.to/460uGrA Audiobook: amzn.to/3YfFwbx Paperback: amzn.to/3xQuIFK Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@oriontaraban Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jaO7c62HZ613e7M Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #relationship #marriage

[@Aliens-Are-Our-Friends2027]

100% willing to let her walk away at any time seems like the best business model. She can't "take" any of my self-inner happiness / contentment / peace / connection to God / Source. She is welcome to leave any time. And women should also love themselves to this degree

[@Aliens-Are-Our-Friends2027]

that makes the time you both share together even more valuable. It means you both actually want to with zero obligation / commitment. Just doing it for the pure love of love. This takes shadow work done, so each party comes in with a full cup.

[@mickeygoogle7545]

please a video about what can happen if the terms are negociate explicitly. I want to tell i give xyz and you xyz. But how to do it well? and how to maintaining that?

[@SuperBlake89]

Can you please do some follow up episodes on "gaming your girl" and explain more on the best concepts for how to best do this with wives and long term partners?

[@CoinedYouth]

This does fit with my experiences in relationships, but one thing puzzles me. Why do women act this way? Whats so bad about having consistent sex with their man that leads them to a dead bedroom? I would think women would enjoy sex as well or at least have some motivation to maintain the sexual relationship, but far too often, I see your descriptions happening in real life. My speculation is that it has to do with guilt and shame, that deep down some women feel slut shamed for satisfying their man on a regular basis.

[@Khan-rz8qi]

Doc may not realize it, but the more he teaches the more guys are thinking “man it ain’t worth the squeeze”😂 part of what made relationships “work” was because men have always been blind, with certain issues never truly being addressed or analyzed. Fellas, we can never rest. Like Doc said, they don’t stick around as much as we do, therefore we gotta maintain them much more than they maintain us.

[@Bryan-f8k2s]

And that's where I'm Seinfeld sitting in the audience and raising his hands in watching enough of this debacle and going, "I'll see myself out." I have no bitterness or anger towards women, but I can plainly see what other men are going through, and I'm just like, I'm good right where I am. I think this is some master class reverse psychology the Doc is pulling 😅.

[@srinavin]

Seriously, sounds stressful day by day

[@Trazynn]

Yeah I always feel exhausted half way through his videos, and that's not his fault.

[@23DanielVincent]

You're right: the juice really isn't worth the squeeze.

[@ADifferentVibe]

What makes the juice little more worth the squeeze is if you are genuinely interested in the woman and understand how to handle her imperfections. Otherwise, just getting a girl to look good or meet expectations is just plain dumb for men.

[@etuitivemillionaire]

"A pie-eating contest where first prize is more pie."

[@kaanozk]

I didn't watch the video to the end yet, but sign me up for the pie contest

[@russianarkadiy]

😂

[@ucfj]

You mean a pie _baking_ contest where the first prize is more _orders_ to make pie

[@etuitivemillionaire]

@@kaanozkyou say that now. Get back to us after you spend 15 years eating the same pie 🥧 everyday. 😂😂😂

[@ScottAdair]

my experience has been more like a humble pie eating contest...

[@leebailey1220]

Orion breaks this down in ways that it should be very very hard for women to dispute. He's creatively finding ways to explain female nature but geniusly without pointing the finger at them

[@ADifferentVibe]

In order to explain something, you have to point the finger at it. But he never words it as such and instead kind of goes around the facts to make the point.

[@aminebouarfa2430]

They will dispute it. Never underestimate a woman's irrationality

[@elchucapablas]

I single handedly believe explaining female nature is his mantra. But he found a clever way of going about it.

[@richien8472]

It is very important not to point the finger at them. Once you point the finger at them, the whole lesson no matter how true and important becomes invalid (to them)

[@karienrothmann9395]

Oh he points the finger 👉🏼 ... Yea he does. But the game is rigged this and the other way, whether you like it or not ... And play us, it will. 🎉

[@dwightbrown]

'Death of a thousand concessions' - Rich Cooper

[@John-ih7gp]

Beta-tization through a thousand concessions

[@InquisitiveUniverse]

Death by a thousand concessions more or less

[@alex_tucker]

I went on a date this summer with a woman who said she wanted a monogamous relationship, but her definition of "monogamy" was literally an open/swinger relationship, but only on her terms. I still laugh about that.

[@LorenzoMasterConnector]

Yeah no.

[@rayrwyr]

Why does she call it "monogamy"? It is not by any definition.

[@LorenzoMasterConnector]

@@rayrwyr I went on a date 2 days ago and she said she doesn’t want to lose people anymore and that if things don’t work out to stay friends. 🤦‍♂️🤣🤣🤣 that’s not how it works baby

[@rayrwyr]

@@LorenzoMasterConnector -- that woman wants to build her roster of FWBs.

[@marihutten]

What in the phunk? 😂

[@nezra3514]

Orion Taraban is one of the most influential person of our age. He single handedly ended many so called relationship experts career! And as he should!

[@magicmantra4456]

He is saying what we already know. All relationships are hell..... Yet people like hell.....

[@BRAZILIAN_MIKU]

​@@magicmantra4456hell is what you want it to be by not wanting something. I saw this video and didn't tought it was hell, i thought it was rules to play a game i want to play.

[@roses6564]

He is excellent indeed.

[@John-ih7gp]

Dr. Onion Taliban is always spitting facts!

[@MrRatMommy]

i am a woman and i can tell that me AND my partner often click away bc he talks so much bullshit. we wonder how he got seriously qualified as psychologist..... shit.... he spreads so much hate in result of his videos and i know if i write an answer nobody will read anyway. but what he says is so wrong and wrong. listen to Peterson. he showed in his career AND FAMILY AND WIFE that he is qualified to talk about it as he was successful - living in dispair alone making misogynist videos i don't consider successful established . just shouting loud on the Internet

[@matthewgregg3979]

This guy is just pure gold. This has happened to me but I never knew how to explain it. He's eloquent enough to just lay it all bare.

[@MrRatMommy]

i am a woman and i can tell that me AND my partner often click away bc he talks so much bullshit. we wonder how he got seriously qualified as psychologist..... shit.... he spreads so much hate in result of his videos and i know if i write an answer nobody will read anyway. but what he says is so wrong and wrong. listen to Peterson. he showed in his career AND FAMILY AND WIFE that he is qualified to talk about it as he was successful - living in dispair alone making misogynist videos i don't consider successful established . just shouting loud on the Internet

[@hairycanary5912]

@@MrRatMommy "partner", ha. makes sense now...

[@David_Hez]

@@MrRatMommy This ain't the place for you, move on

[@MrRatMommy]

@@David_Hez also for none of you desperate misogynists. if you had a healthy therapist they would tell you that any form of extremism is not good. and everyone here is kinda living misogyny. men are celebrating themselves but basic values like humbleness. dignity and humbleness teach you to see yourself and others and then you understand. you live now gracefully. and since i stopped thinking that men are ppl of a secondary class/ intelligence, since i have recognized that they are different and have other talents and i only value their talents without looking down, i have met the most beautiful man who will be husband soon. dream team.... but here.... looks like here assembles a great of narcissism. you guys are by mindset not able to get such an encounter. but it starts by dropping orion and going to Peterson

[@chipsteve]

​@@MrRatMommy Peterson did a horrible job raising his daughter. Mikayla is a divorced, single mommy, plastic surgery nightmare, utter train wreck.

[@charlesdexterward7781]

The best thing about women is how much they appreciate the things you've already done for them!

[@xdude57]

lol 😂

[@justinAclark2075]

💀

[@evelic]

Love the sarcasm

[@brookspps5450]

Ha!

[@imdannymartins]

💯💯💯🤣

[@rayrwyr]

This is how business relationship is formed: marketing to attract a customer, negotiating the terms of the contract, and providing the goods/service per the contract (maintenance). However, there is a difference. The woman (customer) can break the marriage (contract) with no penalty any time and she can exit (divorce) the marriage contract and become richer than ever before.

[@kevinkurgansky4479]

@@rayrwyr well said. The stupidity of the deal is pointed out quite well here.

[@user-nz6tq3vc5u]

I don't know about there being no penalty.

[@SunLutang06]

That's if you marry. You can get everything without the marriage

[@itsme-sq5rd]

Men have obligations to protect society. Men already in risky position. Society is itself bad deal for men. Now we are protecting vmen for free.

[@liquidshadow95]

This is gold. I wish I knew these basics when I was married. Kids were toddlers and the divorce was a complete blindside. I’m so thankful that I understand these concepts now moving forward in my life.

[@BoatMurderedDF]

Orion is a genius in how he calls out these cultural issues without "pointing the finger."

[@goofywill90]

More work = More challenge I'm here for it as long as there is respect & it's reciprocal.

[@BRAZILIAN_MIKU]

If you put in the work, she will reciprocate by following your command and will respect you, so you will get what you set out to acquire. (Provided the woman is ready to an relationship)

[@SG-ji5ij]

​@@BRAZILIAN_MIKU key point: "Provided a women is ready for a relationship."

[@bobanderson7524]

@@BRAZILIAN_MIKU "Provided a woman is ready for a relationship." Most people are clueless about what they want in life. This is especially true of women on dating sites.

[@TruthsSake]

@@BRAZILIAN_MIKU The issue is that her demands increase with the relationship and time as it goes on and most men cannot meet that challenge…

[@BRAZILIAN_MIKU]

@BlahBlahPoop617 depends on the relationship, there's plenty of women that are happy with their man learning something new for a couple of months and the hopping on to the next thing, then there's gold diggers who want a bigger bag every paycheck.

[@GOlone9597]

Just like in a normal day job, you did a great job and more work will be given to you.

[@JaSon-ne6yn]

I discovered Orion's YT channel maybe 4 days ago and am 50 pages or so through his book so far. Honestly, my perspective on relationship has shifted so profoundly in such a short period of time it's actually quite alarming (and I'm not even a quarter through the book). I feel like I've finally found the compass that was missing from my entire "mature" life as a Christian man in relationship with the opposite sex. At first I thought it would be tough to reconcile the Christian perspective with Taraben's work on a surface level (first impression was red pill game women type stuff) but they are actually quite congruent provided orientation comes from a point of virtue, moral standards and understanding basic economy of relation-ship (Captain's steer the ship, passengers go along for the ride). Thanks Orion :) If you haven't bought his book yet, you should do so as soon as possible. o

[@Abelius]

He's basically Red Pill 2.0. All the good of it, without the alpha posing and pretentiousness of the forums. His way of clinically dissecting the truth is what makes his message resonate so well among guys who still want to be decent in their relationships. Others can only show you crazy women and scream AWALT!! to your face. If you only watch this channel you'll be way better than me, years ago, when I started to discover the plethora of RP "influencers" angry at women. I won't give names, but I'd bet most here will know a few examples. 😏

[@KeyaCares]

Hi love! I thoroughly enjoy his work. I read it in a week and agree with 90% of what he said. The only thing I will say I did not agree with in his book was that men should be adored. I’ve been studying a lot about polarity and men shouldn’t be ADMIRED and women should be ADORED. I believe a huge reason why there are so many divorces is because men aren’t pursuing women they actually like, they’re pursuing women that like them and adore them. Masculine men want to be admired/ appreciated for their thought processes and achievements while women want to be cherished/considered for their feelings. The other part I don’t agree with is that a woman should give a man that is not committed to her in marriage sex in order to keep him. I’ve never met strong man that married a woman who gives him sex easily on a regular basis. Masculine men don’t promote women to wife because she gave him sex If youre a Christian, also read “love and respect” Dr Eggerichs and “Getting to I Do” by Pat Allen and “Mars & Venus on a date” by John Grey and “Don’t let her lead” by Zak Roedde, and “The Masculine in Relationship: A Blueprint for Inspiring the Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman” Book by GS Youngblood They’re excellent books rooted in polarity.

[@Abelius]

@@KeyaCares That's not 90%. Not even close. xD

[@benjaminpikoikj7090]

@@KeyaCaresthanks for your response. Question: what has studying polarity taught you?

[@JaSon-ne6yn]

@@KeyaCares thanks for the recommendations Keya. I’ll definitely check them out. God bless you :)

[@keithsmith5310]

This channel is a beautiful constant reminder that life is too short to be wasted on a serious romantic relationship or starting a family. I'm so grateful 🙏🏾

[@retrogamerdave362]

With the right person it can be worth it but there are so many wrong people with whom it will never be worth it. If you know yourself then you will know if it is worth pursuing or not. For me it has been worth it, but it's not easy

[@Katarzyna-h2z]

And that is why your society is collapsing.

[@user-mr6hc9hy2t]

Life isn't too short- it's exactly long enough. It's just long enough to have serious romantic relationship, have children, raise them, help them raise their children in turn and watch the seeds you planted grow into a garden that would have otherwise never existed. We don't necessarily need to have biological children, but leaving behind at least a protege or someone who can take our collective wisdom and share it with the next generation, that is what it's all about. All this "the juice isn't worth the squeeze" talk is sad really, and the other commenter is right, this is why we are on a societal decline. Our values are all messed up and we're unwilling to put in the work to be happy, for men and for women. We would rather lead a life of unbridled hedonism instead of raising children because it's "easier." The best things in life aren't easy.

[@Bad_man_bob]

@@user-mr6hc9hy2t nope. go do that if you like, we good doing what we want

[@keithsmith5310]

@@user-mr6hc9hy2t ppl llike you are the problem. If y'all would stop forcing innocent ppl to be born into this messed up world, the things you're crying about wouldn't even be a thing and no one would have to suffer. You only have ppl like yourself to blame.

[@slylockfox85]

He's right. And yet this just sounds so exhausting. I understand why some guys just run the field until they are actually ready to have a family.

[@magicmantra4456]

Or never have one. Wife & children are overrated.... More hell....more problems.....

[@Aright231]

What’s a normal age to get to where you’re ready for a family? I’m 42 and got married earlier this year and still want to run the field a little, but just don’t want to want run the field 😂 I was fearing never being ready, and that’s not ok. It’s getting worse and worse “in the field”

[@Underratedcommentator]

@@Aright231you already decided to settle down, so you’re locked into the matrix now. No more running the field. You gotta run game on your wife now or you’re gonna get destroyed in the courts

[@ringoheinrich7021]

A successful life, which includes health and job and relationships, is full of work and effort. And has always been. Since the message brings the man's life forward primarily, I don't understand the complaint fully.

[@Aright231]

@@ringoheinrich7021 you are right. Men out here, including me, think they deserve a great life by divine right, not effort. Have to avoid lazy thinking as long as possible.

[@moneyman8772]

The is the best channel on all of KZbin - in my humble opinion. Can't remember the last time I was this impressed. Binge watching this entire channel

[@konstantine-podcast]

@@moneyman8772 lt really is

[@benjaminpikoikj7090]

You did read the book. Just finished chapter one

[@moneyman8772]

@@benjaminpikoikj7090 I will be purchasing it soon!

[@reasonfirst4956]

Genuinely one of the most important channels on KZbin and in particular for men

[@shawnmcdaniel435]

Nailed it. This is the scientific explanation as to why dealing with women is EXHAUSTING!

[@lukmanalghdamsi3189]

not really. if are a man like how real men used to behave through out the history this is just another task to deal with

[@kingofnewyork007]

Accept reality and thrive; resist and suffer. Brilliant!

[@melenico4512]

It is a brilliant statement yes.

[@chrism6764]

Stay single or do the work. Those are your options.

[@lukmanalghdamsi3189]

you can't get a great woman if you are not a greater man yourself

[@gg.6633]

@@coreywilder1564women won’t be putting out as casually anymore starting very soon. There’s a huge societal shift brewing…

[@TruthsSake]

There isn’t just work which static. The amount of work is ever increasing because the demands are ever increasing as time goes on….most men don’t take this into account..

[@Tiosh]

Which is why yout previous video "Make women work for it" is gold in response to this video. I don't mind giving up resources as long as the juice is worth the squeeze.

[@vecter]

As Corey Wayne said, "the courtship never ends"

[@magicmantra4456]

Human beings love hell....

[@melkerner]

Funny how Women expect courtship after marriage, even though they reduce or remove sex.

[@vecter]

@@melkerner They remove sex b/c you stop seducing them. Men lead the way. And most men suck at leading.

[@Kristy_not_Kristine]

Thank God. It shouldn't, for either partner.

[@Kristy_not_Kristine]

​@melkerner if that's true, they are in breach of the contract. That shouldn't happen either... perhaps the man is out of shape? Or addicted to porn? Or any other number of things.

[@RyanTheEatingwarrior]

6:37 modern dating overly complicated relationships. The old days of getting married and that’s it, no way out, was what kept society together. No forever dating and gaming, it’s rather tiring 😂

[@Katarzyna-h2z]

But in the old days it was not about sex and love.

[@youtube_deletes_comments]

​@@Katarzyna-h2zit still isn't

[@mstamper77]

In the old days, there was a lot of miserable married people. Today we have a lot of miserable unmarried people. Guess there’s just a lot of miserable people, period.

[@Hari983]

That was one great concrete example for negotiation. Very insightful episode. It is a doze of bitter reality that possibly it can never be fair to men, which ironically is a probable explanation for the widespread propaganda that women are the giver side (which, as is often the case, seems to rest on a half truth: women are wired to give downward to their children, but that has nothing to do with their male partners). When you see a propaganda going on, it is a viable possibility that the reason this propaganda exists at all is because the reality is the exact opposite!

[@MrMotivation247]

My take on Docs info is Aim High when choosing a Life Partner, all Women are work so it better be Worth it.

[@Mr.Honest247]

Man life is exhausting. That’s why we have to sleep everyday to recover only to do it all over again. We live in an energy burning reality.

[@TheOlzee]

lol sure feels like that

[@MrZuriax]

The best concept I have learned from watching videos on evolutionary psychology and the differences between men and women is the concept of frame and how paramount it is to maintain and uphold it in your relationships. Thank you Orion for another great lesson.

[@kevinkurgansky4479]

@@MrZuriax what are ways you’ve learned about frame and how to maintain it? I’ve heard him talk about it but haven’t learned as much of the specifics as I would have liked around the other stuff

[@MrZuriax]

@@kevinkurgansky4479 Sorry for the delayed response. I think you'd benefit greatly from watching Orion's video on getting used to disappointing Women as he gives a much better explanation than I can. Still, if you'd like my take I've written it below. A Woman's love is more consumptive than a Man's and her energy is also more chaotic. These two traits aren't inherently bad things as it is part of what plays into her attractiveness, but a man needs to set the proper boundaries in order for the woman to settle into her femininity. If you can stand up to her demands for your time, attention, and resources she will come to trust and respect you which will help her relax and become softer. The man needs to maintain his attractiveness by ensuring he remains his own independent person. It's incredibly important that he maintains a certain "distance" from his Woman so that she never gets overly comfortable or complacent. If she knows everything about you or if you give up the masculinity that attracted her to you in the first place she will lose interest in you over time. This is how you lose frame and she will get bored of you. A bored Woman is one with a wandering eye.

[@russelldixon5663]

I've listened to a total of 2 of your videos, having just found your KZbin channel. What a breath of fresh air. You state things simply and directly and with knowledge. In this video you accurately define my mistakes in my marriage of 32 years as well as mistakes I've made so far in my current 5-year relationship. I'm happy to have found you and hope you are doing very well.

[@andrewbakescakes9684]

Last girl moved those goal posts too soon. After one month, I told her I was unhappy. After two, the goal posts were even more out of whack and I let things collapse when she took the relationship hostage.

[@luminyam6145]

I wish you had been around when I was growing up. I AM glad that you are here for my grandchildren though. You can be sure I will be quoting you verbatim to them. Fortunately, my sons seem to have absorbed your wisdom on their own, every time I tell them something you say, they have already processed it.

[@Krwler]

This is actually why I’m hesitant to get married. I’ve seen too many men including family members get bait and switched by women the moment they put a ring on her finger

[@nezra3514]

@@JohnBoy234bro. We get it. You’ve been watching Dr. Taraban. Nothing here is your own idea. Thanks tho.

[@sansabh]

Very scary! Am I glad that I got out of remarriage! I was on the lookout, but once bitten, ... I think I subconsciously learnt my lesson in 2 years​@@JohnBoy234

[@andrewpizzino2514]

The great pretenders. I’m older, single and happy at peace

[@aminebouarfa2430]

I have never understood why you guys still marry in the West when sex and having children outside of marriage is seen as completely normal. Legal marriage lost its meaning and "girlfriending" is the new form of marriage

[@68BigSherm]

Johnnyboy234, you very well summarized western marriage. I disagree, though on one point. OF COURSE it is a woman's fault if simply marrying her makes her find you less attractive! No matter how people are trained, conditioned, or taught to react a certain way, adults have free will and are ALWAYS responsible for their actions.

[@phantomform4171]

"Accept it and thrive, resist it, and suffer." If I don't participate, I have peace. Thanks doc!

[@spartacuschrist6089]

This! This is something I used to struggle with in my twenties: I could not figure out how I could attract and even hook up with so many women, but they never wanted to stick around for a long-term relationship. I didn't understand that attraction and having a fun disposition wasn't enough to maintain a relationship and keep a quality woman interested. I think a lot of people (men and women) don't fully realize this until they become more mature and self-aware. I've since improved and have learned what it takes to maintain a women's interest after the initial attraction stage. It seems so simple now, but it sure did take me a long time to get it 😅

[@1989Mordwin]

Considering that most men lack in the attraction department, they probably don't get much of an opportunity to develop the self-awareness of negotiation or maintenance.

[@main_stream_media_is_a_joke]

The idea that it's a man's job to hold his women's interest....sounds like it's just his job......what about her job to hold his interest in her? Once both have selected and comfortably with each other based on physical attraction....the next stage of holding and maintaining interest is way more important for BOTH as that is a much longer phase than the initial rush of sex and physical presence. For most it's only beyond age 30 that they start clamping their foot down wrt what they will tolerate in each other...hobby wise, life outlook wise, money wise, career wise etc. RP men in the mid 30's are in a way better position to then decide to settle down than an equivalent female(for whom age is not on her side).

[@kelschc]

I had the exact same problem. I thought having a well rounded personality, being well read and knowledgeable, having a nice physique would do the trick. Boy was I wrong.

[@user-nz6tq3vc5u]

​@kelschc sounds like you both need to switch the type of women you're attracting.

[@spartacuschrist6089]

@@user-nz6tq3vc5u Nope - it was me. I was attracting quality women who also wanted a quality man. I did not have my sh*t together in my twenties, no direction, no stability, no leadership abilities. It took time for me to realize that and adjust. This isn't a man vs woman thing. This is a personal anecdote of one man who realized he was not living up to his potential and quality women with options were not going to wait around for me to get my shit together

[@YoungBlaze]

*I would love to see This guy and coach Corey wayne have a talk or do a podcast*

[@restingsmirkface]

For those stuck on phase 1 or 2 too long, who never make it to 3, once they lose sight of what the benefit is or realize the benefit diminishes over time anyway, they'll step aside altogether.

[@biasedknowledge]

Fascinating breakdown of the phases of relationships and how they intertwine over time. The idea that attraction, negotiation, and maintenance are ongoing rather than sequential is deeply insightful. One thought to add: while men often focus on maintaining attraction and frame, it’s equally important to ensure the shared 'vision' of the relationship evolves too. Couples who periodically revisit shared goals-be it family, career, or personal growth-can prevent drift and renegotiate not just terms, but direction. It's not just about keeping the flame alive but ensuring it lights the same path.

[@alibyt7925]

Thank you, Dr. Taraban, for all the videos you’re uploading. They’re broadening so many people’s perspectives on relationships and offering valuable guidance for navigating different scenarios, especially when interacting with women. Just imagine if our grandfathers had access to such top-notch education and information-how different the world might look today, and how many relationships could have been saved. So much of the damage could have been avoided if this knowledge had been available in the past. This will likely help the next generation steer clear of costly mistakes in relationships and better understand interactions with women. Thanks again; I’m watching each of your videos, and I look forward to ordering your book soon.

[@Svn6twomm]

Gents and woman the doctor speaks truth. Since I have watched nearly all his short discussions on relationships between man and woman my life has been improved a lot. The way I treat women feels much more better for me as a man. Much more so the way the treatement I recieve back! His content is not to be taken in the form of as a pill but rather as wisdom for manliness.

[@alexanderdubovsky7013]

Bang on, accuracy makes me cry

[@andrewm.8841]

It's been a good while since I've read my Bible, but King Solomon did say something along the lines of, "A man that increases his knowledge will also increase his sorrow." Those words have been ringing in my head for the past 10 years, especially in regards to relationships.

[@Leoo117]

He meant that as a way of explaining that even though you have a lot more wisdom than others, random bad things in this world can still happen to you like anyone else, like death for example. We're all headed there. Solomon was noticing that having all the wisdom in the world and even attracting all the women in the world could not make you truly happy and didn't actually matter at all IF you do not fear the true God and keep his commandments, because thats where we find true happiness and fulfillment. So we remain unhappy and experience sorrow if we acquire lots of wisdom, yet still don't follow God's commandments, because following God's commandments is what ultimately matters in life. All the other stuff is just a "chasing after the wind" as Solomon puts it. And from my experience, that is absolutely the truth.

[@PyramidionCoaching]

U just nailed a concept I’ve known and tried to help ppl with for years.. this is such a hidden aspect of relationships. Great work man!

[@arbitraryobjective4904]

Just finished your book!! Amazing! Changed my entire view of love and relationships. Just having my eyes opened to the reality of how relationships actually work explained in a logical way that I could understand has had a huge difference on how I act in my relationship and amazingly my partner all of a sudden started acting respectful and attracted to me like when we first got together

[@benjaminpikoikj7090]

Could you outline what you did so they acted different now? Thanks

[@Raising_jennifer]

I believe people who have truly found love, someone they just enjoy holding hands with and it’s mutual. They are the lucky ones. Todays condition of relationships is nothing new, people before just stayed miserable together. Men don’t file for divorce due to being better at compartmentalizing, they are equally if not more unhappy. Which I think is good, because marriage is for children, you don’t get your just walk away and create a broken home. You got 18 years to finish, be respectful and finish what you started. All in all those of us in the comment section are the unlucky ones in love. 😂

[@user1952-e4g]

You are a smart young woman.

[@stevendavidson8733]

This is why it is especially important to base attraction on things which cannot easily come and go (temporal or ephemeral in nature). Attraction based on character traits such as honestly, loyalty, empathy, compassion, agreeability, resilience, generosity, etc are not very difficult to maintain over time when they are part of a person's core nature/values. When you try to attract with things like status, influence, possessions (car, house, jewelry, et al), or looks or you allow yourself to give too much weight to those things when considering the attractiveness of potential romantic partners, you are creating a future for yourself which will be very difficult to maintain over time (and in some cases it will completely out of your control).

[@rayrwyr]

Women's attraction for men is based on status, strength, dangerous-ness, etc. So, jail-birds, bad boyz, guitar player on the band, drug-dealers, and azzholes attract women far more than a honest, loyal stable nice guy. Women are not attracted to nice stable guys. So good men should not bother about impressing/chasing/attracting women. They should focus on their purpose and goals only.

[@leegrande8226]

100% agree. Emotional intelligence, empathy, and general altruism, like all virtues, can't be bought, borrowed, faked, given away, or stolen. Financial and social status are societal constructs that can go away or change in the blink of an eye due to factors completely beyond our control.

[@Harvest133]

@@stevendavidson8733 women aren't attracted to those things by and large and the fact that the most reproductively successful men in the western world are violent criminals attests to this.

[@JohnSmith-qq9jp]

This is absolutely 100% accurate...the traits you mention are incredibly important for a woman to have, and not very many women have them. One more to add is someone who is a genuinely nice person. Every man should test for these traits at the beginning of a relationship, and if she fails any of them, dump her immediately; if she lacks any of the above traits, even one, it will have disastrous effects later in the relationship...and it also means she is acting. You will certainly not be able to test for all of these right away, but you should be able to test for all of them in first few months of a relationship but putting her in situations where she can demonstrate whether or not she has a specific trait.

[@teok8855]

I am not so sure you understand what he means when he says attraction. I think he is referring to sexual attraction, and while the things you named are very virtuous and vital for maintaining a relationship (and leading a good life) they barely add anything to the sexual attraction part of the equations, tho not having them can definitely detract from sexual attraction, idk if this make sense to you.

[@maxhung69]

i totally agree about maintaining attraction. before marriage, i was in good shape. when i was in high school, people asked me if i was a gymnast. after marriage, I left myself go and gained 20+ lbs. after finding out my wife cheated on me, I finally started working out again and got back in decent shape. life has been much more enjoyable ever since.

[@Aliens-Are-Our-Friends2027]

that makes the time you both share together even more valuable. It means you both actually want to with zero obligation / commitment. Just doing it for the pure love of love. This takes shadow work done, so each party comes in with a full cup.

[@oyinloyeademola7086]

Sexlessne is not the fate of every relationship but the doom of mismanaged ones- word!

[@tiomoidofangle102]

Good advice.

[@andypriso1412]

Show her that you can always replace her with younger better looking girls, to do this you’ll always keep her attracted

[@Katarzyna-h2z]

Men are so creative and selfcentered, to avoid ego's dissapointment...

[@billgnansounou]

@jth_printed_designs What is the solution to that issue? Do you have any? Just curious ​

[@billgnansounou]

Please elaborate on this

[@Mr.Honest247]

The sad part is women blindly give into these mind games without question. They never stop and self correct when their dumb desires rear their ugly heads. They just blindly submit to whatever they feel even if it’s jumping off a bridge. Women….

[@FedPut]

if you can why wouldn't you? It's just a bluff.

[@RyanPatrickFlanagan]

This is some great high level thinking here Doctor! Thanks for doing this video.

[@johnwarren8032]

This is excellent stuff. Thanks. I'll share it with my son in a few years.

[@bearclaw5115]

Doc's best video yet. But I say that every time he release's a new one!

[@michaelgarrow3239]

If it flies, flirts, or floats; rent don’t buy. 😁🎶🎵

[@MnrBugi]

This is true. 13 years of unmanaged marriage got me to severely dislike my wife and near to ending it all. Currently stopped stopping but we'll see where this goes

[@iampicasso1811]

Great talk Doc! There is so much cynicism in the men’s community, (red pill etc…) this is refreshing… ultimately men have to lead the relationship… one has to be proactive which I believe is a masculine quality… it’s counterintuitive but a man has to have a steady stream of masculine energy flowing towards and into his woman… man is the sun, women is the moon. 3 phases… concise and succinct… Thank you for your work.

[@8MunchenBayern8]

Sooo much work just to keep them interested long term. It's really exhausting.

[@michaelgarrow3239]

Dating over 40 is like shopping at a thrift store. 🙄🎶🎵

[@JoelGoose]

Try having other women....yes, cheating. It signals to them you still got it

[@SG-ji5ij]

They're adult children, you have to coddle them constantly or they might get bored, throw a fit and eventually look for a new toy.

[@bobanderson7524]

@@SG-ji5ij I find this to be so true of the women I've met on dating sites. Why would she put up with any headaches when she has so many men writing to her wanting to meet her. She thinks the new toy won't give her any headaches.

[@Mr.Honest247]

Life IS exhausting. Might as well accept it. Show me someone who doesn’t have to maintain something. Anyone, no matter their age, will pay severe consequences if they don’t maintain in their lives. Life doesn’t fuck around and we can’t either.

[@nobody123-b5r]

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE post more content!! 🔥🔥🔥

[@Juicy97433]

Dr.Taraban we love you.

[@AS-ok6mq]

I'm a long follower and I'm halfway through the book... And the more I digest - the more I get exhausted. It shouldn't be that way with relationships, but unfortunately this is today's reality... Men not only should compete with the whole world (incl. females), but also excel at home maintaining this creature with illusion (thank you social media) that grass is always greener somewhere else. Disaster, you can't win!

[@rayrwyr]

Yeah. To protect his heart, a man must never allow himself to fall in love, when he gets in a relationship.

[@MKULTRA_Victim_]

@@rayrwyrthen wtf is the point of a relationship then? Might as well just get a dog

[@rayrwyr]

@@MKULTRA_Victim_ -- As a man, you need to build a family, have progeny, and leave legacy. Why the fuk do you care about romance? It was never there in the history of mankind except in novels. Falling in love for a man is a weakness and women exploit it and ruins him. Even novels show how romantic weakness became the root cause of much misery for men.

[@evenoemi3009]

@@rayrwyroh my god. Get of the interned maybe cause your brain have been brainwashed lol relationships and love is natural . Be with someone who feels the same way about you and work through issues together. Women are not some aliens lol we have feelings and thoughts and if you with someone who communicates you won’t have an issue . Or you will sometimes . That’s part of fucking life . And any relationship.

[@bobanderson7524]

@@MKULTRA_Victim_ My mom used to tell me if I want to find someone who is loving, loyal, always there for me, enjoys your company, etc. then get a dog or cat.

[@fjuba]

Thanks!

[@shashanthkumartoluva8833]

Love your content straight to the point Valuable information

[@hdhellion4128]

I realize the little changes, confront, and when my needs are not meet. I tolerate the change, but I really pull back unfortunately. I conform and adapt bc, love. Self awareness has to be on both sides. I'm still learning. 💔

[@slartibartfast2452]

For a man. If you change who she was initially attracted to. You failed. For women. If she changes who you are that she was attracted to. She failed. Basically. If you've found the wrong one. A relationship will never be anything by work for you.

[@bntn2238]

Is the juice worth the squeeze. Most times not. Have abort button ready and guard your emotional state.

[@mstamper77]

Except for one thing…..people change over time. This is the way it is supposed to be. Our needs and desires change. A person who is the same for their entire life is not someone to be admired. And no matter how well one takes care of their physical body, time changes things, like it or not.

[@martinansell2105]

People don't necessarily change, it's just that new situations occur and their behaviour might not be what another expects. The way that it is dealt with can be a good pointer to see where someone sits on the hysterically reactive / laissez faire / seeking clarification scale. Often a good idea to say something out of character early on to discover where they position themselves.

[@JohnTheKahn]

Dr. Orion is the Goat 🥇

[@GL-GildedLining]

"Success's reward is more work" is such a gloriously sobering way to put this. I made the mistake of thinking that a partner would cooperatively help make my life _easier,_ but instead it's like "No pain, no gain," and all I have to gain is more pain. Talk about a Booby Prize.

[@nickthompson1812]

I understand why men of old “used” women. Well because women were using them the entire time!

[@thinman8621]

Boobys are the prize. Don't necessarily get to keep the prize but maybe yours for a while.

[@carlosvidaurri5736]

This guy cracks me up with his transactional economic way of describing relationships. He’s like Data from star trek. In all his little talks I’ve never heard any mention of children and the dynamics of a family. His teachings are catered towards underdeveloped people. I’ll give him some credit and say many of his teachings are true to a certain degree.

[@gg.6633]

COMPLETELY AGREE. At first I liked his content, but after time I realized his idea of a good life is endless supply of 🐈. That’s understandable, but at some point we need to move from monkey to man. Marriage is the benchmark of a healthy society. He’s under developed and emotionally arrested.

[@VaronPlateando]

yeah... the likelyhood of children etc. alike to hinder xx.s to sabotage | torpedize even 'well-functioning' rel.ships with 'good guys' (aka HV men) dutifully doing their best (at in-wasting their m.e.a.t.) is at significantly less than 50% in 1st marrg.s already, and even lesser so in 2nd | 3rd + ones. but you go on gaslighting selves on non-viability of the conventional takes, relatedly. my emotional intelligence | empathy has me recognising the deeply frightening worries underneath your takes (after all, see h.depp's, and whichever u.s. big shots' divorce cases) - but that's coldly regustered as I'm acutely aware that most folk doesn't want to be unplugged from tte matrix, and rather harm the messenger than reviding course.

[@ross3818]

"Catering towards underdeveloped people" is a way of saying OT is helping towards educating the inquisitive. Which is why you're here, right? As far as small goes, it is only the hippopotamus you can feed by throwing a whole head of cabbage into its mouth. We usually learn by small truths at a time.

[@gg.6633]

@@carlosvidaurri5736 He’s a creep, as a young woman, I would not trust him!!! His intentions are not pure.

[@johnalexir7634]

4:45 to 5:40. this is the hardest part of all of this for me. To live like this, even when married? I always (stupidly) tended to believe the movies that once you "got the girl" you were gold. I'm not saying don't stay in shape and be active, but this level of indefinite requirement for constant attention and vigilance... unless I can somehow find someone unusally 'low maintenance', at this stage I don't have the energy for it.

[@beanrunnerWA]

Every video has gems of knowledge!

[@R56Cooper]

This is exactly when needs to happen🎉 please also add camp mode and vehicle 2 load🎉🎉

[@alibyt7925]

It seems that these views apply mainly to the highest echelons of society, where men and women are financially secure. These days, financial struggles are so widespread that many people are simply focused on meeting basic needs-having food on the table and a roof over their heads-rather than expecting more from relationships. Only about 10% of society is considered conventionally attractive, and people are generally aware of this. While initial attraction plays a role, many can look beyond first impressions to consider what truly matters in a partner. Questions of reliability, financial stability, and the ability to build a family together become more significant.

[@dominantproductions8973]

This man is giving us the hard truth that most of us always delude ourselves into ignoring: given that familiarity breeds contempt, the longer you're with a woman, the greater the likelihood of her losing attraction for you, the more difficult it will become to maintain, and the more likely it will become that she's going to leave you, particularly if you're married and she's financially incentivized to. The only people we're ever going to truly have to rely on are our moms and each other, fellas.

[@mstamper77]

Yes familiarity breeds contempt, but it works in both directions.

[@ghostbeetle2950]

It is a crime that these things are not taught in schools! Not the only criminal gap in our curriculi, but, DAMN!

[@pka4lif]

This makes a lot of sense. Thanks for clarifying what I was pondering but couldn’t distill down. Very good formatting of the ideas.

[@etuitivemillionaire]

"Don’t marry an orange and expect him to turn into an apple." If you want an orange, great. If not, put him back in the proverbial fruit bowl for someone else to enjoy and move on.” ― Amy E. Spiegel, Letting Go of Perfect: Women, Expectations, and Authenticity

[@drbobinski1]

Great episode Orion. As a long term follower of your advice and a seasoned dater, having lost my wife to early death 17 years ago, I find this episode very informative and valuable. Just became a paying subscriber.

[@ActualLivingHuman]

Thank you for your work, from the bottom of my heart, Doc. I respect the shit out of you and your courage to seek and speak the Truth.

[@RabiesCrackero]

Amazingly insightful! Thanks, and I'll be ordering your book soon

[@melaniereilly3407]

Brilliant, this is so true.

[@Citizen-by9vw]

This is one of the best and most useful videos of yours. Thank you

[@roses6564]

Another excellent video by an extremely observant and intelligent man who articulates it like no other.

[@Thorgal320]

It definitely fits into my own experience. Every time i let my self to chill out, my wife automatically takes over, it’s like natural to her. Her assertiveness rises, she begins to doubt me, her affection towards me decreases, her submissiveness evaporates. I know what I have to do though, in a way this keeps me fit and going. I’m 48, she’s 41. I guess this is what happens especially when you choose someone slightly “out of your Ligue” by a point or 2.

[@rayrwyr]

If you treat her like a queen she will treat you like a peasant.

[@Thorgal320]

@@rayrwyr correct unfortunately

[@ScottAdair]

a top video from this channel for me, right in the feels. good stuff

[@cmbthebrand]

Prophetic advise. I am now divorced after 22 years and have had major success dating. Now I’m in the second year of a new committed relationship and trying to manage this shift. I refuse to sway! 💪🏾

[@chipsteve]

You agreed to another committed relationship? Have you learned nothing?

[@touradishagh7075]

Really appreciate your content. From Mauritania 🇲🇷

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

Marriage is a contract where the man enters his feminine behaviour and the woman enters her masculine behaviour because she has all the power and leverage to destroy him in divorce court.

[@HeinerSanchez-o1]

Quite interesting, thanks

[@Jake90059]

9:40 this information has me so excited,my 9 month relationship just ended & this info has me grinning…exactly what happened…also I stopped “disappointing” her & decided to give her what she wants & please her from august to October she had been moving the goal posts because I had already conceded

[@evenoemi3009]

She more like didn’t love you and tbh when you start of a relationship unhealthy and toxic it won’t turn around or requires lot of self awareness on both side . You said you disappointed her all the time at first . That was the issue tbh. And you thought if you change that’s enough. It’s not if you don’t heal those times

[@Jake90059]

@@evenoemi3009no,I put disappoint in quotes from Dr Orions video on “learn to disappoint women”

[@Jake90059]

@@evenoemi30092 weeks ago she told me she doesn’t feel the spark anymore & that I should be less about her & give her time to miss me,I said no because that would lead to me seeing her as an option & there fore losing interest completely. So I to,d her to step up her game…we were flying,things were going great & she even told me last Friday that she’s glad I gave her the chance to elevate things as she sees them better than ever before..Sunday she told me she’s falling in love with me…Monday she went complete cold turkey only to find her flirting with another guy from her tennis class on her ig account that she had & I didn’t know about…on Sunday I didn’t text or call her when she got home because I was suspicious of her location when she told me she’s going swimming but it looked like she was at someone’s house when I checked my fmi app to see where exactly she is going swimming I didn’t see any pool there.

[@Talos45]

​@@evenoemi3009 by "dissapointing" he is refferencing a past video. You should watch that, and then come back and see if your opinion has changed. Cheers

[@michaelmiller7598]

Very good detail of relationships, to keep working on attraction, negotiation, and maintaining. Thank you!

[@robertfindley921]

Sounds about right. But I would also say illusion, delusion and dissolution.

[@melenico4512]

That's not bad 😂.

[@csmith9699]

Perhaps check out Terry Real's work... "Harmony, Disharmony, Repair" in all relationships. If the Repair part gets skipped over things fall apart and people stay children

[@willemvanriet7160]

Brilliant! Packed full of wisdom we haven't heard elsewhere with tools we can immediately start using!!

[@robhulson]

I had an 11 year marriage. I have a 6 year LTR. I’ve learned so much from my failed marriage, and you’re exactly right about the three phases. My current partner was highly attracted to me early on. Thankfully we have both gone through extensive voluntary therapy for when our first marriages fell apart, so negotiation was a key skill we both learned and practiced for years with each other. And we both keep a close eye on things we don’t like so that we can maintain the joy our relationship brings each other. I’m telling you, having body count in the high 20s, the reward found in an LTR where both parties are attracted, can negotiate, and have skills to maintain is so much better than any sex I’ve ever had.

[@untamedwildhorse]

Thank you for sharing your experience & providing much needed hope!

[@sansabh]

Provided it remains an LTR

[@robhulson]

@@sansabh We are in negotiations for whether marriage is a viable upgrade for us. It absolutely _must_ benefit the both of us in significant ways. We have not yet figured this out, so we remain LTR and blending our families in two houses. But we have deep desires to keep doing the other person good. She's demonstrated my value to her in tangible, repeated, and curious ways. She was with me when I was at my lowest. I've been with her through some pretty low lows with her as well, though she hit her rock bottom and did therapy to fix herself before we even met. I'm not pursuing other partners, even though I deeply love and enjoy the various flavors of femininity that women can show off to a man that makes my heart sings. She's demonstrated a kind of love that I simply find too valuable to let go of. She's constantly working at it. And we negotiate like crazy. Anytime one of us is doing something extra kind or involved for the sake of the other person, the recipient typically asks what they could do in return that feels equal. This is one of the pillars of our relationship. We've worked through so many negotiations over these years, with her being willing to stand up for herself, and my being willing to stand up for myself. She's a strong woman, but she's also wise. Before therapy, I couldn't have handled a woman like this because she's so direct. She needs an emotionally strong man, and I believe I am that for her and it drives her crazy (in a good way). So, she found me initially highly attractive. Over the years, she's been a great negotiator and I've gotten a lot of experience doing it with her that spills into other areas of my life, and vice versa. We're maintaining the LTR and still negotiating whether marriage would actually benefit both of us, not just one party.

[@sansabh]

All my best wishes to you both for the path you choose 🙏🏼

[@rayrwyr]

​@@robhulson -- marriage won't be good for the man (you) because women are rewarded to breaking the marriage contract due to laws biased against men and hence 90% of the time women break it to be profited. 50-50 partnership type of relation like you have is very transactional and contractual and unstable. Both of you are measuring the reciprocation and evaluating the equity. Both members of a 2-person team cannot be leaders. The man needs to be the leader. If she does not consider you superior (better than her), she will not have respect for you.

[@brostradamus11]

Attraction Phase and no mention of that amazing button up shirt

[@Kreymore]

Bait and Switch phase of the marriage wheel - CGA

[@Sloby2023]

CGA?

[@yezdanus]

i would love more explanation on the negotiations stage, like: how to do it, what to ask for or give, etc... i believe that it's the hardest part for me

[@290revolver290]

This is why as a man, never use your wallet to start the attraction phase.

[@bobanderson7524]

As a single man I have no choice but to use my wallet to start the attraction phase. I've met a woman and told her I would like to meet at a coffee shop to see if we click. She responds, "Excuse me, but I don't go on cheap dates. You will have to take me to a nice restaurant."

[@leegrande8226]

@@bobanderson7524 You need the frame the coffee shop as a "zero date" that comes before the first date. The rules are simple: one drink, one hour, and one question. The one question is: "Do we want to spend an evening together at a nice restaurant?"

[@faulrevere8938]

@@leegrande8226💯🔥👊🏻

[@Mr.Honest247]

@@bobanderson7524 You see right there is where you missed the lesson in the video. The moment that negotiation started about taking her out, she provided a demand or standard and you submitted to it without refusal. It was your job in that case to KNOW that not all attractive women are money hungry and that you refuse to be a woman’s free wallet pass on dates. You must set your own demands and standards and STAND BY THEM. I constantly get attractive women and although I’m respectful, I refuse constantly to be their free wallet pass. The moment I discover that “they don’t go on cheap dates,” I drop them on the spot and never look back and MEAN IT. You need to stop settling and not be a woman’s free wallet pass and KNOW that it’s possible to have dates without blowing your cash AND the woman not minding whatsoever but it requires you FIRST to not tolerate WHATSOEVER a woman who demands cash from a man. Those women don’t get 1 single minute of my time when I discover they’re money hungry and that’s why I never deal with them EVER. I’m not lying to you, it’s absolutely true and I’m living it. Side note: If you think it’s “morally wrong” to not pay, that’s going to be your demon for the rest of your life. You’ll get walked all over for that “value.” You need to say fuck it and not give a damn whether it’s moral or not to pay for these cheap broads. Develop your dark side a bit and you’ll have more of what you want. If you’re all good, life will slap you with plenty of bad to motivate you to tap into your dark side sometime.

[@pashacold6056]

​@@leegrande8226 investing in a gal who's not investing in you

[@randoomly39484]

So well explained Doc 😍

[@jasonshriver1587]

It all makes sense. I'll be single forever. 😆😆

[@shawnd.3212]

It hurts so much listening to this dude when you know how much better off you would have been finding him earlier (if he had been making videos) .

[@luc8254]

9:05 Now I have to worry about inflation in my relationships as well??? 😒