The Time a Spy Visited Me Because of P*tin.

[@vlogbrothers]

I'm just a dad from Indianapolis who is still scared many years later to tell this story. Please don't hack us again thanks. -John p.s. Apparently this is not clear to some viewers: It was our guys, not their guys. (I was shown ID and everything.)

[@mikey20is]

John, that is crzy!

[@marihannah6702]

You did way better than I could have under those circumstances! My anxiety or my mouth would have gotten the best of me. Good on you, Dad from Indianapolis! ❤

[@michaelcread]

I had a similar experience after it was discovered I once met with a “common acquaintance” of P*tin and Tr*mp.

[@ThousandTimesBefore]

What a terrifying experience!!

[@pibyte]

Yeah - cuz if it were "their guys" you would prob. not have survived the scotch.

[@nickwilliams330]

“I wish to neither be an asset or a threat” is my new motto

[@JoshuaCasey]

I mean...I would like to be a threat to Fascists, conservatives, transphobes, trump (oh wait...all of those are basically the same thing)

[@MagisterialVoyager]

Balanced, as all things should be. 😂

[@TKtheinternettraveler]

I think I need this in shirt form~

[@tjme]

I would buy that shirt😉

[@opalpersonal]

i wish to be both an asset and a threat in equal and extreme measure

[@Tysto]

"I won't be able to stay for the race" is the most amazing flex.

[@pibyte]

So scary.

[@victoriakelley664]

I love that this shows that he wanted John to KNOW that he's a spy?? 😂

[@cassidycarson2505]

The only scarier line than that would be to follow with “… and neither will you.”

[@BrickTamlandOfficial]

yeah cuz john blew his cover

[@inkonpaperhero]

that is definitely the moment in the scene where the music changes and we cut to John as his face changes from one of easy hospitality to grave realization.

[@josiahargo4436]

"You know that job title of yours makes you sound like a spy." The absolute funniest thing about this to me is that if you were some sort of intelligence "asset or threat", this sounds like the kind of thing you would say to them to signal you know they are a spy (thus implying you might be one too). Probably why the man went deadpan silent, in his mind the stakes were just raised and he was trying to size you up lol.

[@deezynar]

Bingo!

[@danilooliveira6580]

I mean, if you don't want to be confused with a spy then don't use such an extremely obvious fake title.

[@punkrocksocks6390]

Thats exactly why I cracked up! 😂

[@wade8813]

I assumed it was more "Hrrmm - maybe I need a less suspicious sounding job title..."

[@mcgoo721]

Some littlefinger, varys kind of moment 💀

[@VodkaHellstorm]

I love that you immediately called him out on being a spy even jokingly, and I hope he realised how fucking stupid that job title was. He may as well have walked in in a black three-piece with an ear-piece.

[@TealJosh]

Most intelligence officers are not covert at all, nor do they require it for their jobs.

[@sino_diogenes]

@@TealJosh Certainly not so much when operating in their own territory, at least.

[@devonwilliams2423]

I infact work for YPS a dog food company. Speaking of food how about that agriculture ey? GMO? 😂 More like Gee What’s your MO? “Cheers” 🥂 I walked in the door 5 minutes ago but i arrived in your room 5 hours ago

[@Harteo3917]

Or maybe he intended to be obvious about it all along because the silence alone already kind of gaslighted john into doubting he asked if he was a spy and backtracked by asking asking him what he does as if he could've got it wrong😋

[@Zaftique]

That is *wild*, and I 100% get just spilling everything - if a spy ever visits me they're going to beg me to shut up after my 67th tangent, Why I Love This Specific Color Of Yellow-Orange

[@rmdodsonbills]

"How much is your mortgage?" Me: None of your damn business. How much is *your* mortgage? Why don't you call your banker friends and ask them that question? "Why would Russia want to hack your email specifically?" Me: How the f*** should I know? I don't even know that they *did* hack my email specifically. Probably just general hackery.

[@Novenae_CCG]

Little did you know, he was there specifically to get your hyper-specific perspective on certain colors.

[@smellthel]

Oh cool! What's the hex code?

[@bibliophilecb]

Ok but as someone whose favorite color is a specific shade of yellow-orange I would unironically love to know more about the shade you love!

[@whophd]

@@rmdodsonbills They're just way more friendly than you think

[@AustinDrouare]

"International skullduggery" would be a great name for a fishing boat, if it weren't for the tax implications

[@Norn13b]

Yeah, those proceeds derived from the activities of a fishing boat would definitely have some financial implications.

[@DiegeticDogma]

It seems more like an archeologist thing to me than a fishing thing lol

[@minimarker3]

Is this how we finally get fishing boat proceeds?!?!

[@dandoriii2842]

Or an heavy metal band

[@_D_P_]

But thats WHY it would be a perfect name. Boats are always doing weird law bending things.

[@MichaelADoesIndeedHaveACat]

You made a classic mistake John, the scotch wasn’t scotch, it’s was truth serum

[@derekfnord]

So... Scotch. 😉

[@oneeyedziggy2]

right, when he was like, "so, after i realized this guy was a spy, I drank a lot of the thing he's brought with him"... I was like, "oh, OHHHH, ok, ya done"... hindsight though... I feel like I'd probably call my local FBI field office (or... CAN you just call the CIA?) and preempt the whole situation, b/c if they weren't yet, our government's almost certainly watching now too... oh, and if i had any connections with, idk, a mass spectrometer? I'd see if there was anything special in that bottle.

[@orangecatactually]

Exactly what I was thinking lol

[@suebee0619]

Yep, my thought exactly.

[@simplyixia3683]

Aren’t they one and the same? 😜

[@LordToast]

I feel like the obvious question to ask a diplomat in such a conversation is, "should I have a lawyer present for this?"

[@johnjones_1501]

It probably wasn't an American diplomat. John doesn't mention the guy being from Russia, so I am thinking he was from one of our European allies, or at the very least, was pretending to be from one of our European allies. It is common for these guys to sniff out your loyalties ahead of time, and to present a false flag. For example, Russia has infiltrated American institutions numerous times by pretending they were Israelis or even from the South African apartheid government. Foreign countries that are not always on the best of terms with the American government, but that have a lot of fanboys among certain groups of Americans who may be ideologically oppposed to working with the Russians/Soviets.

[@antonliakhovitch8306]

I mean, their answer is going to be "no"

[@adamgreenspan4988]

@@antonliakhovitch8306the phrasing, though, is important. They should go with, “why? You haven’t been accused of any crimes.” That would make the person feel nervous that calling a lawyer would somehow make them seem suspicious, whether or not they have anything to conceal.

[@kiiturii]

​@@johnjones_1501 brother not everything is a conspiracy

[@MMXX_CE]

​@@kiiturii If you think that's a conspiracy wait till you learn what a real conspiracy is.

[@KingBobXVI]

"He just had a way of making me feel like it was a great idea to answer all of his questions" "...so anyway, I poured another glass of scotch..." We will never truly know what genius fuels the cunning of this master interrogator's golden tongue. Truly a mystery.

[@MarkTinberg]

I mean honestly, if we can spend a million dollars of our tax money on delicious scotch and figure out what the the hell is going on in the world and whether it is a threat or not, that will be money well spent.

[@JustBecause7754]

He never seemed coercive. Proceeds to coerce the financial, personal, and political life of John Greene out of him.

[@Justgoodvids]

There was an WW2 interrogator who was nice to everyone and couldn’t get one person to crack to remained friends with him. Someone else can add in the details

[@Ezonial]

Truth serum

[@martinhg98]

in vino veritas

[@captainsparrow6287]

“Have your ever been critical of the Russian government?” *Flashback to every other Crash Course History episode*

[@gary25566]

John: I dunno, maybe except the Mongols

[@dudeinasuitoffical]

@@gary25566WE ARE THE EXCEPTION

[@knpark2025]

"It got... Putiny. Aahh! Putin!" - John Green

[@pathevermore3683]

why yes, i called putin a cardboard box of rotten tomato paste, half sealed in scotch tape by a 5 year old with cerebral palsey just this morning. yes, sir i am aware of how specific that was.

[@somestuff7876]

Honestly don't quite get the story, I thought it was a Russian spy, than by the end of the story I thought it was a guy from CIA? Would American call their own... secret agent a "spy"?

[@stedwards311]

That is WILD. But also, this exchange 😅: John: Your job title makes you seem like a spy. Spy: ... John ... Spy: ... John: ... So what do you do? Spy: ... I mostly work in intelligence John: **finishes his drink and pours another** You could not write a better fictional scene. A+, no notes

[@crimsonjennifer]

"mostly" is the intriguing part to me

[@ReinaDido]

Even better, maybe there would be a note because the dialogue seems too perfect to be realistic.

[@Ghost-lt4sf]

“He looks at me… and I look at him… and he looks at MEE…. and I LooK at HIIIM” (on loop meme)

[@ericseverson373]

​@@crimsonjennifer When an intelligence officer works under "official cover" - such as with the state department, they do actually have to know/do a decent amount about their formal job title, for plausibility. All available records would show someone like this "works for" (on paper) who they say they work for (paychecks, etc)

[@nicholasshaler7442]

@@crimsonjennifer Possible that he occasionally attends meetings about Regional Trade or whatever.

[@MsNilba]

This reminds me of the time I got interviewed by an FBI agent in my office concerning one of our adjunct teachers who was apparently trying to get a job with the FBI. After the interview, I called my supervisor and told her what happened and what I told the FBI agent and she said "So basically you told the FBI that Mr. Teacher is boring" I had in fact used those exact words to describe him...

[@victoriakelley664]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@shellh929]

That's perfect for the FBI though. Nobody suspects the boring one.

[@dwc1964]

@@shellh929 "We at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of."

[@smalltownescape]

I've had to do this before, too, and the only thing I knew about the subject of the interview was that he likes to play D&D. The interviewer was like, "Okay... what else?" Nope. That's it. All I have is D&D.

[@kellymoses8566]

The FBI likes boring.

[@georgenagogo]

I would have called the "friend" who initiated the contact and asked WTF!

[@squee222]

He might be compromised.

[@13lacle]

@@squee222 Nah, the friend didn't even want to. "He just had a way of making [ them ] feel that it was a great idea to [ introduce him to John ]. He wasn't coercive, he wasn't impolite. He just made [ them ] feel that [ the introduction ] was inevitable."

[@nuve9190]

Fr

[@rickevans7941]

Dad is the real MVP here. They always are. He knew you were correct about the situation, knew you were rattled, and knew you were going to be fine. He said exactly the truth you needed to hear, in exactly the way you needed to hear it in that moment. Dads come in clutch. Anyone reading this, tell your dad you love him TODAY. Miss you, Dad!

[@aluisious]

Must be nice to have a dad who is interested in talking to you. If I called my dad, he'd answer the phone saying "WHAT IS IT?"

[@jeremyapache]

@@aluisiousyour dad would pick up? Nice.

[@RobinSteiner]

I don't think my alcoholic abusive dad would be inclined to pick up and/or care, nor would I care to tell him that lie. So no, not always, though I do aim to be a MVP Dad myself one day. 😄

[@jeremyapache]

@Brxwn9 more people make jokes than you think. Me replying to you is NOT a flex.

[@beagleboy31]

The most interesting thing about the Green brothers is that their dad is more interesting than either of them.

[@matthewlazaric3543]

I'm choosing to believe he reacted the way he did to your joke about his job title because he was just so embarrassed about how transparent it is.

[@milesgould8288]

But inside he was thinking "thank goodness, I can dispense with the awkward segue I had planned".

[@vigilantcosmicpenguin8721]

@@milesgould8288 Unless his plan all along was to come up with that obviously fake job title so it would lead John to the truth.

[@mkvenner2]

There may have also been a bit of shock that an average untrained American would see through his cover. America does not have the best track record when it comes to HUMINT and an abysmal track record in counterintelligence.

[@alimanski7941]

Either that or it was him saying "duh"

[@Mordecrox]

I like to think that spies and governments in those places think they're being so sly but it's just that their population and usual victims know better to just play along, and act genuinely befuddled when we can see through a name like Hugh Mann and a made-up job title no corrupt bureaucrat would ever write for being too on the nose.

[@ojtheaviator1795]

"a way of making me feel that it is a great idea to answer all his questions" 😅😅😅

[@GTaichou]

Truly a man of his profession.

[@Hobbychemiefreak]

I wanna know what was in that scotch

[@krank23]

@@Hobbychemiefreak Probably alcohol.

[@xzonia1]

I want to know what this guy said or did to make John feel that way. This story's so wild! 😂

[@jojo-pk]

I mean it probably was a good idea.

[@Martcapt]

John Green: an asset to the world. A threat to tuberculosis. A dad from Indianapolis to the American Inteligence Services. Available in a cinema near you, the thriller/comedy of the Summer of 2024.

[@misteryA555]

Lover of peace, hope, and Jennifer

[@Turn.Colors]

Legit lol. Well done.

[@nerdyarlequinz]

I would watch a two hour film of this interview. No actor playing John though, just John getting drunk, answering questions from memory. Sweating.

[@vigilantcosmicpenguin8721]

Could probably make a movie of all the mildly crazy stories he's told.

[@NathanielLawrence413]

"I mostly work in intelligence" is SUCH a funny response that I can't picture him as anything but chuckling a little bit as he says it. I think he probably didn't, but it's just too perfect of an image to me.

[@jessamynlarsen-kast4817]

I once encountered someone at a party that, from the gist around them, made spy a likely title. I knew this person for less than an hour and ended up sobbing my heart out to them. I just can't decide if these are taught skills, or if intelligence agencies are just good at picking people who have a friendly vibe and welcoming face to spill everything

[@lmv2s]

Pizzamas idea. A John sweater with his face and the quote "I'm a sweater".

[@alissa6380]

+

[@alissa6380]

++

[@alissa6380]

+++ how many pluses do i have to add for Hank and John to see this

[@alissa6380]

+++++++++++++++

[@alissa6380]

+++++++++++++++

[@jimsbooksreadingandstuff]

The Fault in our Stars was a huge seller in the former Soviet Union, maybe that sparked the interest from the Russians. Here in Georgia, the country not the state, I teach English to teenagers and when asking them about their favorite books, yours is often mentioned.

[@vlogbrothers]

That's nice to hear! I hope it was just because my books are popular! -John

[@jimsbooksreadingandstuff]

@@vlogbrothers Maybe the hackers were looking for an unpublished manuscript of yours or your brother's.

[@margarettabor497]

@@vlogbrothers I wonder if it's the love of the book through Russian society plus being critical in crash course and on vlogbrothers with the Crimea explainer. WILD.

[@tiapina7048]

Another good reason with Georgia should be part of EU.

[@sorin_markov]

Am I missing something? TFioS was written *long* after the Soviet Union collapsed

[@sonnetlockheardt]

One of the funniest vlogbrother videos I've ever seen thank you John for being neither an asset nor a threat

[@rmdodsonbills]

Honestly, I don't find this funny one bit. This is scary. Scary that the intelligence community would even attempt this operation, scary that John felt compelled to answer questions that could easily be answered via other means, couldn't possibly be answered by anyone who would actually do so, and/or are none of their damn business. Also, drinking while being interrogated is a terrible idea.

[@JohnSmith-tk3pw]

​@@rmdodsonbillsThe events themselves are scary, but the video is absolutely hilarious because of John's comedic delivery and phrasing. I was laughing throughout the video. Something can be both serious but also humourously dealt with at the same time.

[@whophd]

@@rmdodsonbills Seriously this is a very regular day at the office. Not James Bond. This.

[@julius43461]

@@rmdodsonbills Came here to say this. His delivery might have been comedic, but this seemed more like "I'm laughing but I feel like crying" type of delivery. It was eerie the whole time.

[@racheljames5755]

Cars vs covid is still my #1

[@ArchLars]

I like to think that he got very nervous internally when you said he sounded like a spy. 😂 "WHAT ELSE DOES HE KNOW?!"

[@desiv1170]

Reminds me of a family story. My father was a US deputy marshal for a long time, and at the end of his career, he was appointed as the US Marshal for the central district of California. A presidential appointment. My mom still talks about getting to meet the first lady... And there were a few political dinners that came with that... At one dinner, there were some Russians there and apparently my dad got along great with them. They gave him a bottle of vodka. He had a great evening... The next week, they asked him to come by their office for a lunch... My dad said sure... A few hours later, my dad got a call from "someone" at our government and he asked my dad a a lot of questions. They knew about the lunch invite. They asked my dad if he'd be willing to wear a wire. My dad was a great marshal, but he knew his limits and he wasn't a cover guy. He declined the request. Then he called the Russians back and apologized and told them he wouldn't be able to make lunch after all. He said the guy said "I understand. Thanx again for a great time at dinner..." We had that bottle of Vodka on the shelf for years. :-)

[@Darroc]

John, "Based on your career title it seems as if you're a spy." Them, "Well no...but actually yes."

[@dargkkast6469]

"well yes but yes"

[@danielwilliams8183]

Weirdly, I've also met a spy, and they were like "nooo..... me?" You'd think they'd be better at covering at LEAST that part.

[@GreaterBookWyrm]

Dude immediately made a note to come up with a better cover next time. Or to do better when speaking with an Author who likely has done far too much research into this sort of thing.

[@Caperhere]

You’re looking good, John. Refreshed.😊🤗

[@ToniHinton]

"You'd be surprised how often people say that to me..."

[@jonm4206]

Spys should really get better at responding to the statement "your job title kinda sounds like you're a spy" in a more natural and raassuring way. "Haha yeah I get that all the time, I actually just help calculate tarrif rates" like most special regional assistants for trade, I presume.

[@vlogbrothers]

I think he wanted to make me uncomfortable. And it worked. -John

[@adderous]

The intimidation of implying he was a spy clearly worked though. I'd assume that was on purpose.

[@RemizZ]

@@vlogbrothers he probably wanted you to know you're right, but was forbidden from actually telling you

[@morningstarkid07]

@@vlogbrothers I find that really upsetting to be honest. You were the victim of a crime. Why not just contact you and attempt a normal interview? If they went as far as buying fancy scotch and sending an asset to meet with you then they had almost certainly learned most of what they needed to know through their own means already.

[@swimminginhoney]

@@morningstarkid07I mean, to be fair to the spy, he did contact John and conduct an interview!

[@timprice6567]

This is right up there with the Parisian dentist in terms of “absolutely wild stories that if you wrote in a novel literally no one would accept the premise”

[@Taolan8472]

Is this the parisian dentist who was arrested for a murder in a country he'd never been to because his finger prints were supposedly a 100% match for the prime suspect? or am I mixing up different real life absurdities?

[@nottelling7438]

I think the one who opined that John suffered from both an outer pain and an inner pain before fixing John's toothache. Now that I think about it, is a toothache an outer pain or an inner pain? ​@Taolan8472

[@potatoshamcakes]

@Taolan8472 No, I'm not fully caught up on the lore, but from memory: He was doing press for either Paper Towns or The Fault in Our Stars movie. While he was doing it, he somehow chipped a tooth and mentioned he was experiencing a lot of dental pain to the tour managers. Anyway, he shows up at the dentist's office, and apparently, the waiting room had an original Monet-basically, it was absurdly fancy. Then, the dentist enters the office on a motorcycle, wearing a helmet, with long, flowing hair, and fills in John's tooth.

[@greensteve9307]

Agreed.

[@byonni]

It really shouldn't surprise me how much of a great storyteller John is after years and years of listening to him, but it still does. This was a fantastic story that hopefully never needs to happen again.

[@martinellis38]

To be very technical, he wasn't a spy. Governments don't employ spys directly, they recruit and handle them. He was an agent, wondering if you were a spy or could become one. His skill set in getting you to talk is very valuable in agents

[@ScoutGreen11]

Officer*, not an 'agent'. An agent is recruited. An Intelligence Officer works for an agency directly. Agents or assets are recruited by officers to work on their behalf. Based on this interaction, he was an Officer with an OGA and this was an assessment for recruitment.

[@78Mathius]

10 years ago i ran a kiosk in the mall and hired teens to work for me. I wrote one of the a letter of reference for the Air Force. About 18 months later I got a visit from the FBI because my former employee was going into explosive ordinance demolition. They definitely make you willing to answer questions without actually being intimidating. Just a polite and very through conversation.

[@LynnHermione]

however that person was being truthful, we assume, on who they were and why they wanted information.

[@saltiestsiren]

That sounds like a cool job. Explosive whatever, not the kiosk

[@MrMontanaNights]

@@saltiestsirenIt’s the guys in the hot and heavy AF suit that diffuses bombs and IEDs. Not sure fun is how I’d describe most of it personally. More like nerve racking.

[@malcire]

​@@saltiestsirenI believe that's the job where you blow up unused ordinance and depending on mission, IEDs (or non-improvised explosives such as mines).

[@Nomethod64]

@@MrMontanaNightseh. I do the opposite of their jobs. I build bombs. I’ve worked with EOD a lot. And they’re all pretty nonchalant about it. So are pretty much all of my ordnance buddies. Either it works, and every thing explodes how you want it. Or it doesn’t. And then it’s not your problem anymore 🤷🏻

[@quietsamurai1998]

The description of the interrogation/interview/meeting had me laughing my ass off, but in that kind of nervous "oh god, i have no idea what to do in this situation, might as well laugh" sort of way

[@julius43461]

Exactly, it was eerie but you can't do anything but laugh at how crazy it is.

[@_maxgray]

Don't talk to them until you talk to a lawyer. Seriously.

[@bruhcoin2361]

​@@_maxgrayhe has a family to protect and he's got nothing to hide, probably for the best he didn't want to seem like a threat to the russian government

[@_maxgray]

@@bruhcoin2361 "I've got nothing to hide" is how a lot of people have gotten themselves into trouble talking to law enforcement. *Cops* won't talk to law enforcement without a lawyer, which should tell you something. Constitutional protections are for the innocent as well as the guilty.

[@Random3716]

John: You know, Special Regional Assistant for Trade kinda sounds like the cover they would give a spy Spy pretending to be the Special Regional Assistant for Trade: Dang, this dad from Indianapolis is good.

[@pittypolyphonic]

3:13 thats the scotch babyyyyy

[@kevinslyter]

Truth serum

[@kylelovell121]

You'd think the crash corse guy would be smarter than to tell a spy everything! Lmao

[@whyismyhandleshown]

Description really sounds like there was some kind of truth serum in that scotch

[@adalaza]

I come back to this video from time to time, simply because it's bewildering and retold extremely well.

[@ryanstudham640]

My first thought was "Well dang, the guy who hacked his email decided he wanted hardware access too!"

[@whophd]

Nah they just needed to clean up after a mess they saw.

[@FreelanceTranslatorTips]

I know. I'm still worried about that. Did the spy have a thick russian accent and keep referring to Russia as Motherland?

[@Voland1871]

@@FreelanceTranslatorTipsRussian agents are generally better trained than that, and often recruited from the EU or USA.

[@BigMacTTU.]

Next episode, the time the U.S. State Dept paid me a visit after I posted a video about meeting with a Russian spy.

[@JoshuaCasey]

to be fair, it sounds like the person was not working for Russia but working probably for the US or one of the US's allies.

[@AdamYJ]

@@JoshuaCasey Best guess is he’s CIA.

[@scribbly2983]

I dunno, I would have called someone? Like maybe the FBI?

[@thelunaticco9320]

@@JoshuaCasey Probably one of the US's allies. Most western countries have laws against spying on their on people, so they have their allies do it and "Share the intelligence" with them.

[@OrangeYetti]

@@JoshuaCasey Spies are notoriously good at tricking you that they're someone else, though. who knows who the heck it was lmao (edit: I do think they were from the US, I didn't see john's comment about the ID, also *why* would russia do this lmao) (I will leave this comment because I think it's funny though)

[@MATroiano]

I love how you immediately clocked him, and he just sat there in silence.

[@overzone666]

clandestine operators are actually taught this. if you are caught off guard, or cannot think of a response, simply control your expression and stay silent. you want to maintain the momentum you've already set for this encounter/interaction. you want to 'stay in control' of the conversation.

[@annabel4313]

When you were describing the questions I was thinking, "Surely you'd never tell a stranger, let alone someone who's made you uncomfortable, your mortgage etc." and was imagining you awkwardly dodging having to answer. The admission of full submissal threw me right off and I'm still uneasy at the thought!

[@jyrinx]

Suddenly I want to know about the intelligence services' scotch budget. Also I love how little need he felt to pretend anything.

[@janetdavidson2085]

Off topic, but John, did you know that Stephen Nedoroscik said that after his pommel horse routine at the Olympics, the coolest person to reach out to him was, "John Greene. He wrote 'The Fault in Our Stars'."

[@minimarker3]

Apparently they've been DMing on Instagram!

[@samanthaw.861]

Yep, John even responded on Twitter saying it was the best day of his life lol

[@AbrasiveHippo]

bringing scotch to an interrogation is a great move

[@Brucimus83]

My question is: "was there anything else in that scotch?"

[@rantingrodent416]

@@Brucimus83 alcohol is already a truth serum, there's no need to add something else

[@whophd]

I guess it's the only thing about James Bond that does ring true

[@quantuminfinity4260]

“One of the central ambitions for the rest of my life, I wish to be Neither an asset nor a threat” -John Green 2024

[@DastardlyInfallible]

"Just a Dad from Indianapolis" and "Little Capacity for International Skullduggery" are phenomenal Pizza John slogans. May i recommend Tshirts with animations of John reminiscent of the intro to Cowboy Bebop (the original, no heretics here).

[@Nothing2150]

I really hope this guy went home and looked up how to answer the question. "Are you a spy?"

[@SimonClarkstone]

Oh he has definitely been practicing that response for a long time.

[@newmoonjlp]

I love how even this story you managed to circle back around to tuberculosis cures. Well done

[@sguttag]

Coming from a family of lawyers...as I was hearing your story I kept thinking..."I'll need to have my lawyer present before answering any questions." That concept has been drilled into me from an early age. One never knows what the other person is trying to obtain with questions. The better they are, the less you know too.

[@chillsahoy2640]

Throughout the whole video I was thinking "Would I really disclose this information to a stranger? Wouldn't I feel suspicious, weirded out, or at least a bit apprehensive about giving away such personal information to someone I've never met?". But then, in a social context, with the right kind of conversation, and especially if you're not accustomed to thinking about being drilled for information, I imagine it can be easy to be caught off guard and just answer rather than make a fuss.

[@whophd]

Honestly this isn't the sort of thing the police do, and it's certainly not the sort of intel that goes into court evidence. It goes into a file and stays there.

[@geeksdo1tbetter]

This

[@breannacarlisle5441]

​@chillsahoy2640 I know that gaining information from body language can be dubious but noticed that John was shaking his head in a " no" when he was mentioning the specific questions he was asked but he also shook his head in a " yes " motion when he said that he told the spy everything. So I take from that that he's talking about a true encounter but not the questions he was asked.

[@_maxgray]

​@@whophdDon't talk to any law enforcement without a lawyer. Really. Truly. Say you don't want to talk to them and that you want to talk to a lawyer first.

[@se0271]

Might be my favorite vlogbrothers upload ever

[@SpinningSandwich]

This story is too adorable! And I'm glad it stayed that way.

[@scoobydont]

1:14 My video froze after the words "dead, dead" ........perfect timing lol

[@mikemorr100]

"Yeah he seems clean" The other spy listening in on your phone call with your dad.

[@blessedbyacurse]

I would like to think that my response to to this happening would be "I'm not answering questions without a lawyer present" but realistically I would probably just start stress crying and tell everything.

[@xzonia1]

If I thought I was talking to a spy, I'd have a million questions for them. They would just quietly get up and leave, eventually, because I would not focus on answering their questions at all. Lol

[@LynnHermione]

I am a salty btch and I hate being treated like an idi0t so I'd go "okay, i am not talking to you OR drinking anything unless you tell me the truth, otherwise bye". which is why if spies wanted info outta me they wouldn't use this strategy. they have dossiers on these sort of things.

[@moonhunter9993]

I would assume they already know... and are just checking the "narrative"

[@saltiestsiren]

Yeah and you would be denied a lawyer anyway 😅

[@samarnadra]

Police get the "not without a warrant/my lawyer" treatment. Agents from my own government get my best attempt at not utterly panicking and trying to be helpful and maybe ending up in helpful ADHD crisis mode or unhelpful ADHD ramble mode. Spies from friendly countries get a little less effort to not panic and to hold back the incoherent ADHD rambles. Spies from unfriendly countries better know how to calm someone down out of a panic attack where I can't speak and then deal with 5 hours of rambles about utter nonsense because I will be too panicked and too stressed to cope at all and be an utter wreck and dissociating but not wanting them to be angry at me. They will definitely learn the birthplace of my cat's maternal great-grandmother, the history of the domestication of corn, exactly which areas of which countries my ancestors came from to the best of my knowledge, everything I ever did wrong in my life, my opinions on the history of the US, 6√2, and why I don't trust the color yellow. What they wouldn't get is anything actually useful.

[@bucyrus5000]

*note to self, John spills the beans*

[@MCAndyT]

And Hank the Beanie Sandferbs?

[@johnlee7164]

The target is compromised.

[@emperialyoung6338]

This was amazing! What a story to tell, and how fantastic that you decided to tell it to all of us! I'm grinning so hard right now, it was just the perfect story, and here's some engagement so hopefully more people get to hear it!

[@MidnightArticuno]

Multiple three-letter government agencies any time John Green starts trending for fighting pharmaceutical companies: "Oh brother, not this guy again"

[@SideshowCris]

I know your job is to excel at the art of storytelling, but honestly this is simply some of your best work. The drama, the tension, the rising sense of dread and the way you describe the interrogation. I've listened three times already.

[@Raszero]

Honestly think this may be the first vlogbrothers video I immediately rewatched

[@francescakyanda9182]

The fact that John didn’t blink the whole time makes me think this video is being made under duress /j

[@holyknightthatpwns]

I'm pretty sure he doesn't blink as a tribute to zefrank in most of his videos

[@bubblegodanimation4915]

After 3:30 he does a whole lot.

[@gloomyscribbles]

​@bubblegodanimation4915 do you think he's asking for help in Morse code or something?

[@laurenredding1419]

John never blinks. Blinking isn't normal.

[@Hannah-ologist]

it's so true to og vlogbrothers form!

[@sckilham]

I love that your first thought after concluding your meeting with a spy was to call your dad 😂 it really highlights that parenthood truly is forever...

[@geeksdo1tbetter]

Also, their awesome dad helps run the business side of things

[@thecolorjune]

This is a WILD one. Thanks for sharing!

[@sandrastreifel6452]

As soon as you said “Indy 500” I flashed back to the 1960’s, my Dad lying on his side on the couch, and me cuddled behind his knees, “driving the sports car” while we watched car races like the Indy 500 and European races, too. I hope you’re feeling well, John!

[@AutkastKain]

My dad studied and taught interrogation for the army, but luckily, he never brought work home. He just knew good questions to ask and could very easily see through our lies. Good stuff.

[@ThunderStruck15]

That sounds like he did bring his work home

[@ReinaDido]

I want to take classes with your dad. Sounds like a superpower to me, the worst equipped person to read people and situations I know

[@6stringstorulethemall967]

4:14 without fail

[@1st2nd2]

I was waiting for it.😅

[@sporkredfox9884]

I remember the general freak out from hank and john on this and I thought "oh weird, i guess someone in the government told them they were hacked" THIS IS SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT OMG

[@dob1997]

Do you remember how long ago it was i wann go rewatch those videos now

[@Me3stR]

"Just a parent from [insert Place name,]" is probably highest Honor you, or anyone else could probably receive anyway! - Worlds Best Dad

[@x--.]

I appreciate that he didn't want to lie to you but can't tell you the truth.

[@johnapppel64]

John, I think you should know that you ARE a threat: to ignorance, to intolerance, and to despair. But that makes you a champion of learning, acceptance, and hope, so that seems like an overall positive. :)

[@angelikalindenau943]

He's also a threat to corporate grifters playing -* roulette with treating tuberculosis. *I skip sticking in the usual term! 🫢

[@Jake-xe1wu]

Unfortunately there is a lot of money playing for the opposite and corporate espionage is just as dangerous as governmental.

[@marcellastname6862]

I'm so glad this iconic john story has left the secret Livestream format the world needs this 😂

[@sebastiankelly374]

Yesss, I was like wait why do I know this happened?

[@ShadyHitchhiker]

What was the name and approx length of the livestream in question please?

[@tenthz]

@@ShadyHitchhiker I think he's actually told this store multiple times in more private forums. I had to check the date of this video because I knew he'd told it before. Maybe even during P4A.

[@shilittletsure]

They have definitely discussed this on the podcast too, but not in so many details.

[@leoismaking]

John... you know it'd be easier to keep a low profile if you didn't occasionally address the UN General Assembly, right? I mean, we're all glad that you do, but I'd imagine it's not be the best way to avoid international intrigue.

[@fairydustcryptid]

he did say this was several years ago. might have been before he did that?

[@amykathleen2]

@@fairydustcryptidBut probably after he asked President Obama to name Alice, right?

[@leoismaking]

@@fairydustcryptid Oh, I'm pretty sure it was! I'm just gently ribbing him because he says he wants to be "just a dad" but ends up taking on world-spanning plagues and writing bestsellers and such.

[@fairydustcryptid]

@@amykathleen2 omg I forgot about that. man this space has existed for so long

[@FearsomeMedic]

You can tell a lot about a person but who their enemies are. Or rather, who consider them to be an enemy. Well done, sir.

[@pedrostormrage]

What an amazing story (and this is why you should never tell anyone "that sounds like you're a spy", because you could be right) 😂

[@ZRovas117]

I now desperately want John to turn this encounter with a genuine intelligence officer to be the start of a spy-thriller novel series.

[@cmntr_]

+

[@clarenceonyekwere5428]

Novel writer unwittingly gets involved in the spy world.. I am sure something like that must exist

[@NationalParksArtist]

I think there needs to me merch that's a sweater that says "I'm a sweater." 3:38

[@RockismyAir]

Yess. I would also buy that.

[@kevinwilcox6943]

THIS

[@MrSamwise25]

Hell yes!

[@ramonabowie6113]

😂😂 I would buy that. I am such a sweater too 😰🥵

[@fabel1429]

This. 💯

[@patrickjohnson3143]

This might be my favourite vlogbrothers video is such a long time. "He just made me feel that me answering his questions was inevitable" is just so poetically beautiful.

[@Adventeuan]

If that's not a normal sentance and you find that 'poetically beautiful' then you must have low-standards.

[@asterling4]

​@@Adventeuan sneering at people for finding things beautiful just to tout yourself as someone with "higher standards" doesn't make you sound cool or interesting, it makes you sound like a rude 14-year-old. i agree that it is a poetic and well-written sentence, as a lot of his sentences are

[@Adventeuan]

@@asterling4 I am not attempting to sound "cool" or "intresting" as i care little for what others that i will never know have to say. A patchwork of dirt is not deserving of the title of 'Art'. Poetry is a form of art.

[@asterling4]

@@Adventeuan dude... listen to yourself. you're insulting people on the internet for calling a sentence beautiful 😭

[@staceypop4BTS]

John, you are platinum. I’m just happy to be alive at the same time as you and Hank.

[@joeaddison]

Thank you Dad from Indianapolis, you have served this country well

[@GarrenShipley]

It is profoundly weird when one's life crosses into the realm of "things that matter" to "important people." It's a lot better just to be a dad.

[@lillianb8762]

"I wish to be neither an asset nor a threat" sounds very much like "the only thing worse than not being noticed by the gods is being noticed by the gods"

[@untappedinkwell]

+++

[@tauntingeveryone7208]

To be a fly on the wall for that interrogation. The spy calmly asks questions why John tells him every single thought he ever had. You know they probably did not approach Hank strictly because they knew he would have gone on so many tangents and rants.

[@AUnicorn666]

Unless they asked him science questions, in which he would never stop talking /lh /hj

[@kashiichan]

​@@AUnicorn666Probably still not in a terribly straightforward way, though! 😂

[@AUnicorn666]

@@kashiichan true lol!

[@steve8t2]

What a fantastic story. And so well told. As just a dad from Indianapolis, you should consider writing. You might be good at it.

[@LikelyToBeEatenByAGrue]

I had a similar interview when i applied for my security clearance, except i knew it was coming. It was friendly and comfortable and I told this woman secrets about myself I'd never told anyone before or since.

[@demonac]

"Neither an asset nor a threat" would be a good book title

[@Orwelload]

"Mostly harmless"

[@Vivo119-jf4pp]

"just a dad"

[@BlunderMunchkin]

Actually, a better title would be "An Asset and a Threat."

[@pretty.odd.]

This feels like the kind of lore in the canon that is SO far fetched it has crossed back over into "actually yeah. surprised it took 18 seasons for it to happen."

[@chillsahoy2640]

I spent a couple of minutes having to grapple with the fact Vlogbrothers is on its 18th season. It doesn't feel like it's been so long but oh boy it has.

[@pretty.odd.]

@@chillsahoy2640 it doesn't, but then my back will ache or a joint will pop and suddenly the passage of time feels very present haha

[@chillsahoy2640]

@@pretty.odd. Earlier today I was talking to a work colleague about how we have a rule that all our records need to be archived for 30 years before they're destroyed (in healthcare, in the UK). And they said "Yeah, you're next" which reminded me that if I was a paper form I'd be due to be destroyed this year.

[@pretty.odd.]

@@chillsahoy2640 "you're next" his hilarious but also such a threat 😭😂

[@chillsahoy2640]

@@pretty.odd. This coworker has a dry sense of humour that I love! And they're around John's age too so they've been here before.

[@Morvelaira]

My father was an aviation engineer. One day, a co-worker of his came to him asking for help with a specific problem on a part. Dad had no information about anything else on the project, and being the guy he was, hapily offered what help he could. The next morning, dad was called into his boss' office, where a four-star general was waiting for him who proceeded to grill him about everything he knew about the part he helped with the previous day. At the end of it, the general said, "Well, at this point, I have two options. I can renew your previously lapsed top-secret clearance, or I can arrest you for espionage. You were helpful, though, so I think we'll just renew your clearance."

[@branstooka]

So was his coworker or a spy or just trying to test him and see if he would give up info?

[@theintrepid7583]

​@@branstooka Maybe it was just a classified project he didn't technically have the right to access.

[@Morvelaira]

@@theintrepid7583 this was exactly it. The coworker legit needed some help, knew dad was the guy to get the job done, and didn't follow protocol in knowing who was ok to see his project.

[@fustigate314159]

I find it hard to believe they'd send a four-star general for that conversation.

[@Lilitha11]

@@fustigate314159 Might be one of those stories where an extra star is added each time it is told.

[@ZSchrink]

Also as a dad from Indianapolis, thank you for being awesome in so many ways!

[@jeo2222]

I have rewatched this video a couple of times, finding it both fascinating and charming

[@stephamillion]

As a mom from Indianapolis, I really think the world should start seeing us as a threat. Especially Indiana and the state government trying to lower curriculum standards so much so that our kids can’t even get into our own state colleges… and especially since we are one of the only states that has to pay “book rental fees” which cost about $200/kid. So we pay these fees yearly for an education that may not even get our kid into college.

[@geeksdo1tbetter]

Book rental fees ... for middle/high school?!

[@daalelli]

@@geeksdo1tbetter elementary, middle, and high.

[@stephamillion]

@@geeksdo1tbetter elementary, middle and high school. Yeap.

[@rethinkOURreality]

​@@stephamillionwtf that's messed up. Direct from the parent? Thank God I teach in a GA Title I school.

[@stephamillion]

@@rethinkOURreality yep. My kids go to title l school and we still have to pay it. There’s waivers for lower income. And if parents don’t pay it, the school districts can hold the child’s diploma at their senior graduation and not give it to them (ours is one of them that will).

[@gooberdoober8416]

Well you ARE banned from Canada

[@dominiquelaflamme7804]

¿Really? Can you explain? (I'm Canadian)

[@watvannou]

Wait what?! why??

[@canowyrms]

Really?

[@gooberdoober8416]

It's been a long time since I've seen this but I think I remember right kzbin.info/www/bejne/hKqbg4xqhNpqg9Esi=stxM4SibaW_J4Wp4

[@amandac.s.9452]

For those who don't know the story, years ago, pre-Vlogbrothers iirc, John once tried to cross the US-Canada border with no cards and little cash on his person. That was (for reasons I don't totally understand) cause for them to deny him entry to Canada, and that denial is still on his record to this day

[@paultomkiewicz2464]

"I have little capacity for international skullduggery" ...ok Mr "it is incredibly difficult for me to enter Canada"

[@vainsilence]

Honestly, I was imagining Micheal Weston as the individual opposite you. It fit really well with how you described the encounter.

[@beverlym5465]

I could listen to you talk all day.

[@LucijaC24]

There's a guy from my country, Slovenija, that made a video mocking and impersonating Putin. When war started, I said to my brother it would be wise if this guy would remove his video from YT. My brother, fluent russian speaker and quite knowledgable in their politics said: "Oh, no, Putim must just love it." I was like: "How d'you know?!" And he said "Well, the guy's still alive isn't he?"

[@christopherb501]

Maybe it helped that he didn't present as a gay clown. Reminder: Poopin *hates* being portrayed as a gay clown, specifically. Just thought you should know.

[@youruniquehandle2]

John Green coming back to the scene with a real banger of a story.

[@durdleduc8520]

there is something very inherently funny to me about sitting down for a Premiere of a four-minute video. like going to the movie theatre for the trailer.

[@andmyAlex]

John, I’m loving the energy you’re bringing. Your vernacular remains endlessly entertaining and enlightening.

[@Justin-stopmakingme]

What a way to come back! Thanks to a dad in Indianapolis!

[@Blabla130]

I love the idea of spy listening intently to Pizza John being drunkenly explained

[@AdrianaReagh-e1i]

Dear John, Long, looong time nerdfighter, first time commentor. What a delightful, hilarious, and breathtaking story. Thank you for sharing it. You are a bright light in this world and I am so happy to be on a timeline and a world with you in it. Thank you for always speaking to the dreamer in me. You make me feel less crazy with my lofty goals of making the world a better place at the ripe old age of 42 with vulnerability, passion, and humor in the novel I'm writing. You make anything seem possible. I honor that spark in you that lights the fire in so many others around you.

[@laurenjones1358]

I’m currently undergoing a major faith crisis and deconstruction after leaving Mormonism and I am angry and baffled by how I could have believed such nonsense for so long. This helped me have a little bit more compassion for myself over how much I gave to that religion, and also gave me a good laugh, which I sorely needed. Thanks John 😊

[@Calmseagull]

You’re right, like spies, religions are very skilled and practiced at making unreasonable things seem reasonable

[@1997jankuschef]

From an ignorant stranger on the internet: Proud of you!

[@DawnyPotter]

I left the evangelical church and faith 3 years ago and I HEAR you ❤️❤️❤️ deconstructing is terrifying when you're in the midst of it. I'm so proud of you, you are going to be okay. That anger at them and at yourself is so normal and makes so much sense, and as you process through it, it will pass. I still get angry when I dig up new bits of how it shaped me. But now that happens once every few months, not ten times a day anymore. I'm so glad you're working on self compassion. You did the best you could with what you knew, and you were sincere in how you tried to do good. I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, and life is going to be SO good, and you get to explore at whatever pace you feel ready ❤️

[@laurenjones1358]

@@DawnyPotteroh my goodness thank you for your kind words. If feels so good to have support in this.

[@poopsmagoo]

It's normal to be angry when learning the people responsible for shaping one's personhood volitionally supplied a foundation of falsehoods. I wish you the best as you go through this process. I hope you're able to eventually find peace, but (importantly), do not deny yourself peace because you still feel difficult emotions. An inability to reconcile your heart, while a challenge that requires ongoing work, is not indicative of flaws or weakness. It is a reflection of your humanity. Whitman wrote that we contain multitudes, and our capacity to experience multifaceted emotional reactions reminds us that only time is linear. Our lived experience is a non-Newtonian fluid and we all struggle while wrangling it. From one stranger to another, I wish you the best 💚

[@EmpressoftheLoneIslands]

This made me giggle so hard. Thank you, John. I am worried about you now though; so I hope you have a very safe future after posting this!

[@avoirdupois1]

John Green is the hero we need. John is an asset to humanity.