The Top Red Flags; how to avoid these women and the risks when you don't

[@jcransome5616]

Women flaked on me usually if it was an online app. Often because they knew they didn’t look as good in person

[@theemilyandtoddpodcast]

Or they had a lot of options

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Very true

[@RobertJohnson-bj5lk]

5:12 - I blame the Kardashian Jenner family of “rich and famous for no reason” women for this.

[@Evo8fan]

Its's sad the stigma that surrounds tattoo's now all because of a certain group of people that have ruined it for the rest of us. These people in this group are getting neck and hand tattoos for their first one or covering their body in random small tattoos that have no meaning, make any sense and don't go together. I have a half sleeve and two other tattoos that have pretty significant meaning to me and are very well done.

[@BenjaminSailors]

When I show empathy and say I'm sorry they always say it's not your fault is it .then I have to follow up with no but I am sad that you are going through this.

[@azman3292]

Talking stage is most interractions/connections before relationship. Modern Connection Timeline: Talking stage to (situationships to) relationship

[@mikebravo6502]

I think a point to note that if they are saying that all their ex's were narcassist etc can be a red flag. The other side to drill down is did they take any ownership or accountability of their own actions for being in and remaining in a relationship with narcs etc. Eg, failed to identify and enforce boundaries, living hope that the toxic ex would change, were they codependent etc. I'm sure you know what I'm getting at. People can say they were in bad relationships but if they cant acknowledge their short comings for being in and remaining in that bad relationship with a narc.....that's the red flag.

[@peterharrell7305]

My mostly conservative wife has an arm tattoo. Not because she wanted it, tho. A disabled child bit her pretty bad back when she was working with them and left a nasty scar. She covered it with a tree tat. It honestly looks better than the scar did. No problems with something like that.

[@theemilyandtoddpodcast]

We agree!

[@deanthroop8054]

Thank you for the excellent discussion. We need to be cautious about some of this. Creating tests just to see is not a good start. We should not be playing games. Now noting that she does not follow through, her actions do not match words, and things like that are extremely valid. It should present itself naturally of we are just being aware of our environment. I think it is more important that we keep an eye out for it and not ignore it.

[@theemilyandtoddpodcast]

Great point!

[@aniellofico2478]

I love my mom but she has some of the red flags in this video and don't get me wrong my dad isn't perfect either but my mom can't take the truth, never thinks she's wrong, always considers herself the victims, and is too Temperamental so she's always starting arguments over everything.

[@theemilyandtoddpodcast]

Thanks for the comment. I’m sure you’re mom is trying her best. Try not to date someone with her personality traits.

[@WackyConundrum]

Thanks for telling me I should avoid alcoholics and junkies. Really good advice.

[@theemilyandtoddpodcast]

It’s how to spot them early bro so you can avoid them. Some women are good at hiding it.

[@TheGoldenCapstone]

Aww thats cute you think addictions are always out in the open. We got a big 🧠 here!

[@nadlife]

Drinking work opposite for me. Normally I am positive and high mental person. But when I drink it takes away my positive side and put my mental down. All sadness comes out. I am imagining everything from negative side.

[@theemilyandtoddpodcast]

That’s because alcohol is a depressant

[@sholaabe7286]

Being a stepdad is a bad bet you have all the responsibility with no authority it’s like being a slave in your own house

[@theemilyandtoddpodcast]

That’s painting all situations with the same broad stroke.

[@Pssst.ByTheWay]

TLDR, these are all important things to find out, but don’t badger and interrogate your girlfriend on the very first date, build a repertoire first, and then start to sneak in these topics, subtly, rather than overtly chucking them at her head . The latter method will most likely get you lies and a bitter taste while the prior will have a feeling comfortable or him feeling comfortable enough to actually give you answer answers --- This is a subject, that is of practical import The thing what most guys get wrong, especially if they’ve been snorting enough red pill Is they will hard-core interrogate the girl on the very first date very overtly about these topics And that my friends is not going to win you any points There are fun flirtatious ways in order to coax this kind of information out of someone over the course of three or four dates The first say three or four days, should just be fun stuff seeing if you can vibe After that, you can subtly insert certain topics, which you will be far more likely to get honest answers to, because she feels comfortable around you, otherwise, if you bother these questions on the first date, she’s just going to lie . And here is the next thing a lot of guys will not bringing the patience for this . I can understand wanting to know right away, I was exactly the same, and if I had my choice, I would love to present these things as a list on the first date But this long-term relationship is meant to go for years and years and years Is it not worth investing one or two months/10 dates to find out if this thing will work? What is a couple of months versus 40-50 years? Investing this time in the vetting is investing in those 50 years and is in the end, investing in your own experience and your own happiness, and you should not be cutting corners when it is about topics that affect you for the rest of your life at a very base existential level

[@cannibalaaron1222]

Part of single mom discussion is that there will always be another man in the relationship.and there will always be that little insecure doubt that there is still an emotional attachment.

[@grahamoconnor5033]

Hey Emily & Todd, love the podcast and always enjoy listening. I agree with most of the red flags you highlight with the exception of the tattoos I think a woman with a lot of tattoos can in general be extremely sexy with the exception of face tattoos or full neck or full hand tattoos. But definitely a woman with a full arm sleeve or leg sleeve can be hot for sure!

[@theemilyandtoddpodcast]

Thanks for watching and commenting! I disagree but I love to hear other men’s perspectives

[@Pssst.ByTheWay]

27:53 life for the most of us will have some sort of trials and tribulations along the way how we handle that is the ultimate show of character It’s not about having fallen down it’s about how you handle that falling down and if you got up again I would prefer a battle, tested and survived and thrived person over an 18-year-old virgin supermodel any day of the week The one is absolutely buying, a cat in a bag. You do not know what you’re going to get.

[@aaronstone8147]

I like art, it must be good and pertain to it. I agree to tattoos is not my thing. I have none because I don't like needles! Pain is fine, that's life.

[@rajahnhollis8053]

If a man has many red flags and the woman has many red flags, is it ok for the two of them to build a redflag relationship with each other?

[@thee1toecutter]

Definitely eye opening

[@jasonrocksvegas]

Finding a good woman who is attractive and finds the man attractive is nearly impossible. How many men would be willing to approach or meet thousands of women and get rejected before finding a unicorn. Assuming your not a Chad being average or below in physical attractiveness.

[@rockyblacksmith]

Correct if you are talking about dating strangers, be that online or in bars, clubs etc. Different story if you date within friend groups or social groups defined by common interests.

[@didafm]

Being a single mom is looked down upon by young Men @Todd

[@theemilyandtoddpodcast]

There are a lot of good women (like Emily) who have a child. - Todd

[@didafm]

@@theemilyandtoddpodcastDude im not here to Argue. Just stating the facts

[@kurtkrause7151]

Young women, twenties, too much time on they're hands! Is called...'Hollywood'.

[@Phane02]

Any advice for a submissive + masochist who doesn't want a dominatrix, doesn't want a bdsm partner, and doesn't want to fall into a toxic relationship. I am well aware of my attractions and turn ons and know full well that a normal, healthy relationship will not stimulate me and yet that is what I like to have.

[@theemilyandtoddpodcast]

Join your local kink society

[@mister-zen8491]

Therapy.

[@WalkerOneThaDon]

Great watch

[@willhogtieyou4752]

The bitter truth is it seems that most red-flags are a result of unresolved trauma, and individuals with red-flags are attracted to one another because of similar outlook, which typically leads to more trauma. The unfairness is trauma is dispersed unequally, and those who have had trauma are susceptible to more trauma by relationships, while those who are fortunate enough to have a healthy upbringing are more likely to have fulfilling relationships in the future. The Matthew principle really does seem like a law of nature

[@roninsjourney7560]

Well said.

[@Soma2501]

What is trauma in a relationship?

[@willhogtieyou4752]

@@Soma2501 I guess my thinking was that relationships can be traumatic if they are dysfunctional (infidelity, emotional abuse, physical abuse, etc) and red-flags are predictors for future dysfunction

[@Soma2501]

@@willhogtieyou4752 Wait, so trauma is when that stuff (abuse, infidelity, etc.) happens to you or when you're the one causing it? And how does someone resolve that?

[@willhogtieyou4752]

@@Soma2501 I think both the “victim” and “perpetrator” experience trauma in some way. Even though the “victim” is obviously susceptible to trauma, I have a feeling that most of the time the “perpetrator” experiences some bit of trauma as their behavior is being motivated by some sort of self-preservation mechanism that they don’t fully understand. The only way I can think of resolving this is identifying and resolving past trauma in order to align your outlook with other functional individuals. But understanding self is no easy task

[@Pssst.ByTheWay]

20:35 TLDR, : cancelling might just be a shit test . And even if it isn’t depending on how you react to the situation, it might boost that not really being so into you interest, devil into the stratosphere by flirtatiously, saying “ how are you going to make this up to me “ Now you are the man!!! ---- I don’t entirely agree on the girl cancelling a date being a red flag… Allexander Grace has mentioned this before, and in fact, it is the one thing that got his good friend, Matt dab into his relationship . The counselling on a date or not following through on her word, was a shit test of hers.!! And even if it wasn’t a shit test, but something generally came up or for whatever petty reason, she just decided she was not feeling it How would you handle that situation can be a huge boost to attraction And as such this expectation of she isn’t into you doesn’t equate A practical example, would be matts getting together story with his girlfriend And this goes exactly of the advice from Allexander Grace, if she cancels on you. Stay cool, maintain your frame and in a unphased and joking flirty manner. Acknowledge the situation and add okay so how are you going to make this up to me? It shows you were unfazed by her feminine chaos. It shows that you have standards and a lot of times a woman will not have been confronted with the fact that kind of behaviour. A Simp for someone that is scared to lose her will say it’s alright, I didn’t have anything to do anyway can we do it another day, but a man that is firm and put the ball straight in her “and says right it is now your turn to bring the effort in. How are you going to make this app to me shows that he values himself highly.

[@darkerisbetter8699]

I'd like to hear a bit of commentary of taking "red flag hunting" too far. Sure, some men are far too lenient with unreasonable women. But, I think the hyper-vigilant man risks never getting to know someone deeply. There aren't enough flawless people to go around - some of us will have to settle for very good people with minor flaws.

[@jcransome5616]

Sometimes you gotta fuk the red flags. Literally. Relationships tho. Red flag abort

[@miro_s]

Not sure what qualifies you too to have all these opinions, but a lot of them made sense to me…

[@moonsiths]

I was about to disagree with your tattoo comment until you added the part of what kind of tattoos they get. Even so I’m on the fence with that line of thinking, ppl get tattoos for so many reasons and it’s not always because of trauma.

[@aaronstone8147]

Did she just say a small count for a dude is a red flag?

[@aaronstone8147]

Tic Tock? What!

[@Pssst.ByTheWay]

20:35 sh testing a girl as part of your vetting process would do so many guys good

[@didafm]

A woman telling a man shes a Single Mom is EQUIVALENT to a Guy telling a Woman he doesn't have a job.

[@theemilyandtoddpodcast]

Not always true. You’re taking things too far mate.

[@didafm]

@@theemilyandtoddpodcast how? If a single guy goes up to an attractive girl and she tells him shes a single 👩, high chance he wont be down anymore. Likewise if a girl is talking to a guy and he says he's unemployed she probably won't be interested anymore. Hence Equivalent.

[@theemilyandtoddpodcast]

Guys are so thirsty that they will go that route way over a woman who will date an average looking, unemployed man

[@aaronstone8147]

Cringed with saying tic stuff. live for yourself!

[@ethio1931]

Love this long content

[@theemilyandtoddpodcast]

Thanks!