The Truth About What Men Look For In Women

[@TSierra]

We just went a woman who supports us, doesn’t embarrass us, is loyal, love and respect us, has a good attitude and has self respect.

[@KelseyRaeArtistNPC]

💖💖

[@InspectorDeck]

This is a solid statement. Good health here-

[@therealsandraweise]

What do you provide in exchange?

[@EdwardRicketts1]

@@therealsandraweise Wow .... Those are basic relationship needs and you are asking what a man would provide in exchange for common decency? The mere fact he's not listing a bunch of physical attributes, low body count and household chores should tell you he is not really asking for much, and it is not about what he provides in exchange, it is about what the other person desires and whether or not he can provide it. See, that is one of the biggest dating problems nowadays ... When you go food shopping you will have a list of things you need and then there might be some extra stuff that ends up in your trolley because it looks good, you realised you forgot to add it or peaks your interest. No one goes to do their grocery shopping with a list consisting of nothing but treats, and looking for a partner should be no different.

[@therealsandraweise]

@@EdwardRicketts1 Your defensiveness was typing for you. It was merely a question to hear, "and I look forward to providing the same." Making a fight where there isn't one, is also on the don't prefer list.

[@SpoonHurler]

I told someone the stuff I wanted in a wife (compassionate, kind, etc.) and the person (a women) balked and said "you want a best friend not a girlfriend." And I think that's the basis of the problem.

[@phillipevans9414]

@SpoonHurler. You were both right...your girlfriend should be your best friend (first), otherwise it would be a mistake to upgrade her to "wife". Cheers!

[@JaredHassell]

It's the same thing; it's a shame that person doesn't understand it.

[@scottverge938]

Of course we want a best friend. Why wouldn't she?

[@tspencer661]

You want what you want. What you are asking for is 100% reasonable. Write down everything that you want in a wife. Start with the qualities that you value, like kind, compassionate, caring, etc. When you write it down use phrases like, “I have a wife who is kind because I am kind/I like kind people/or whatever reason you have.” Be specific about what you want. Make all of the statements positive. If someone makes a snarky comment, turn it into a positive statement. Your “friend” told you what you wanted. You’d write “I have a wife who is my best friend because I want my wife to be my best friend.” Keep adding and revising your list as needed. Put your list away somewhere special or post it up somewhere where you can see it on a regular basis. This is going to sound weird, but I believe that it works. I’ve had it work in my life. I’ve heard of it working in other people’s lives, too. I’m going to be revising my “husband list” very soon. I have a list of qualities that I want my husband to have. Intelligence, financial intelligence, caring, respectful, etc. The crazy thing is that I told one of my cousins that the next man I date will be my husband. He and his wife started describing a single friend they have who is my age. They started describing him and they were talking about qualities that he possesses that are already on my list. 😮 What you are asking for is reasonable. My guess is that your friend is lacking knowledge of how relationships should work. That’s her issue, not yours. Good luck on finding your wife.😊

[@pandemicneetbux2110]

I'm trying to understand which one of the two of you is the retard. I actively seek out best friends in women, and only even let a person into my life when I'm convinced she's trustworthy and I'm not afraid to/going to hurt her (I know this is sad but I really do do this, I'll look at a woman and realize she's just too nice for me, I don't want to handle someone with kid gloves, or worry about feeling like a progressively worse piece of shit, I don't want someone fighting me on everything either but just a woman with strong back bone who is stubborn and moral. I want a true equal and actual copilot, regardless if I'm the lead, the captain of the plane needs someone who's absolutely able to take over when you're away or incapacitated with equal confidence). I can tell when a woman looks at me like she's using me for sex, and am insulted by it. I hate this in women because I know they've been brainwashed to think we're all dumb beasts, and that's what we want, and then what happens is I'll end up sitting there with a woman telling me to F her when I'm trying to discuss what's going on in the relationship, or end up with girls trying to shoot their shot not realizing it's coming off as well to me as if I'd done that to them. These videos are flooded with guys that are really immature and insecure is a big part of the problem, and they swarm the manosphere type videos and spillover here as a result. I read some ridiculous shit off of those guys and it basically reminds me why I often end up respecting men less, because they're so insecure. I mean just dumb things like feeling threatened by an educated woman, or the kind of trashy, low tier guys that tried spreading that "nobody likes a smart woman" meme in the 1950s. Which btw is another of a million dumb irritating things about women that's directly rooted in them having weird ideas on how to please guys. It's like hiring someone who's been trained to do roofing the wrong way their whole lives, so you end up feeling like you're fighting this uphill battle because now all their instincts are wrong. These are often the same guys that say dumb things like "I want a wife, not a friend." I literally don't take them seriously as people at that point.

[@kletts42]

Congratulations on your marriage! I found a woman who is pretty but has the same values and is respectful, intelligent, kind, and committed. Of course, I married her.

[@rainyriderr1112]

Men want a woman who's supportive of them, doesn't humiliate or embarrass them, and generally respects them. Women want love, men want respect

[@coconuts1517]

Women just want high value men, that means good genes, lots of money and a big dick. Nothing more.

[@Sagefrakrobatik]

I actually prefer a woman who is condescending and belittles me. It allows me to feel more insecure, which reinforces the idea that I'm replaceable.

[@kc270352]

@@Sagefrakrobatik lmao

[@manikmahajan3453]

This is true 100000%

[@brb__bathroom]

I just wanna say dumb stuff. What is the worth of a moral compass, if you don't have a map?

[@joegarrick2760]

What do we want? Fit. Feminine. Reasonably attractive. Be supportive. Don't be jealous or clingy. Bring peace into our lives, not more conflict. Tell us what you want. We do not read minds.

[@pace1195]

Easy, they want a success object. The more resources, power, and status you have; the better.

[@ethicalhacker9720]

Fit and feminine, yes. *Not* fit and masculine.

[@meddyven]

You hit the nail on the head. That's what we want. We're not terribly difficult to figure out.

[@SpoonHurler]

And not even uber fit... like fit enough to F5 comfortably.

[@DavidMatias79]

​@@pace1195kzbin.info/www/bejne/qZCbdnaso66io80

[@nerigarcia7116]

I've been with my wife for 22 years and I've found when looking for a long term relationship you not only need to love that person, but you need to like that person, meaning you should like who they are as a person and match up in core beliefs. Because when the honeymoon period fades and things aren't all lovey-dovey, you have to like that person you're with and be able to enjoy being with them even when you're doing nothing together. Looks will fade (on both sides), passion will fade, spontaneity will fade, life will get in the way, but if you don't like the person it will never last.

[@dbird1356]

Veritas!

[@francoisbroukx1244]

You need just a few things to have a long time relation; I'm 68y old man, and lived 36y with my wife, we had open relation. I agree looks,passion ...can fade, one thing I do not agree is spontaneity, humor... Also, I tried not to forget to thank her to be able to share her life. Important: trust, honesty, respect...in both directions.

[@Siouxthenation]

Congrats on 22 years. That's as long as I've been alive!

[@wisdomandy9361]

That woman was speaking facts. I'm 34 and have a lot of relationship experience. The more experience I get the more I realize character trumps beauty on the extreme. I'd take a 5/10 who's a good reasonable friendly person over a supermodel who thinks her shit doesn't stink

[@nataniatsitty193]

All women turn into 5s as they get older.

[@Danny328DT]

Does a kind and loyal above average woman exist anymore? At least with average women, what you see is what you get and it has far less risk. Problem is some average modern women think they're 8 or 9 out of 10. Proceed with caution gentlemen.

[@Bennysol]

Problem is most 5's today think they are supermodels

[@Danny328DT]

@@Bennysol Putting up all that makeup makes people value themselves more. Natural face and proper skin care dictates attractiveness. Unfortunately all these women hide their natural face. If you see them wake up out of bed with no makeup, you'll see it.

[@Bennysol]

@@Danny328DT you said it. Broads are fake across the board. And simps keep propping up the delusion

[@brettbeyer73]

This goes both ways, but a spouse who keeps trying well after marriage means the world.

[@Max1musPrime]

Eyyy Congrats on getting married! Wish you two the best! You’ve definitely helped me a lot over the past two years so I’d like to thank you for that.

[@CourtneyRyan]

Thank you 🥹

[@get_spanked240]

Men, im telling you from experience. DO NOT make attraction be your main desire/goal. Most hot girls come with a price and thats high maintenance, expectations, argumentative, selfishness, and many other bad traits. A girl who is attractive enough (not obese, has the same standards you hold to yourself, not repulsive) and is kind, patient, peaceful: is WAYYY more attractive than the hotties who dont put time into their hearts/attitude. I’ll take that nice quaint girl anytime over the thots who have no personality

[@x-man5056]

You MUST find her attractive. You must be attracted to her. She doesn't have to be Hot or a beauty, but your attraction to her is necessary. What you find attractive can differ greatly from woman to woman but attraction is a necessity. You can't maintain an LTR with someone you aren't attracted to.

[@watamutha]

Problem with this logic is that there are so so girls who THINK theyre hot 😅.

[@x-man5056]

@@watamutha Some guy will agree with them. "...Eye of beholder"

[@urumomaos2478]

I disagree about not dating hot chicks. It is something very fulfilling and the amount of attraction you feel is unparalleled. There are tons of "hot" ig chicks who arent that hot and the sort of "high maintanence" they require comes in the form of money, status or looks. Those are not the only hot chicks, there are plenty of conservative, very modest and extremely beautiful girls that dont have that sort of high maintanence bs mentality. You will have to work for her but thats not something that should bother you since it will prove to you that she isnt easy.

[@antoinecharlesdegaulle580]

Congratulations Courtney! I wish you the best with your marriage! Thank you for your input! Once again Courtney you never disappoint with your reactions 😂 and I agree with your point of view on these issues.

[@CourtneyRyan]

Thank you so much!!

[@fhoeflich]

So by the time we're seeing this video, you're already off the market. :-@( Congrats, enjoy the honeymoon (no, you don't have to post videos this week) and best of luck keeping it all on track. Even a wise woman will have some issues making it all work, but you're the most qualified candidate for a solid marriage that I've seen. Hang in there girl

[@khalaq2]

@@CourtneyRyan Courtney, I am pretty sure that the person who responded to my initial comment is not you. You might want to warn people.

[@bittersweetindustryexecutive]

​@@CourtneyRyan Hi, Courtney! I'm just using this thread to let you know there's been a lot of trolls in the comment section under your vids lately. And what I mean by that is not people who are having a go at you in a somewhat rude way, but REAL TROLLS pretending to be you. Some of them use very clever ways by using emojis or invite people over somewhere to discuss further. So, I just wanted to let you know this so you, if possible, could take the appropriate actions. Cheers!✌

[@addy8511]

Oh Courtney, you are so very credible in your behavior and presentation, and your message to young women is invaluable. I’m a 62 year old man (widower) and I’ve been watching your content for a very specific (and perhaps sad) reason. While I look and feel a good bit younger than my age, I have been shocked at how many women in their late twenties and early thirties that have shown an interest in me. Many have children and appear intensely lonely. I fear that this may be the result for many young women who have immersed themselves in social media and the hook-up culture. It’s a terrible outcome for them and for society. In no way do I mean to demean men or women, but many men will (typically) work down to whatever standard the girl sets, and this is especially true with regard to sex. I think for many men, when they pursue women solely for sex, it is largely a biological drive that is often enhanced by immaturity, and can often be abused by immature, narcissistic, (or worse) older men. As you so correctly advise, these type of enticing behaviors by these young women will unlikely result in a loving, long-term relationship. It’s not easy out here for anyone, especially for our younger people. I continue to look for a mate (closer to my age) with hope and an open heart, and I wish the best for people of all ages struggling for love and acceptance. I hope you will continue to use your considerable grace and intelligence to share your message with our young people. Perhaps it may also encourage your male viewership to show some productive restraint and act on the values and decency you project. Sincerest congratulations on your upcoming marriage Courtney.

[@ethanmiller5487]

Congratulations Courtney!!! Im so happy for you both!! Also men and women do want the same things in a relationship. Joy. Its just what each partner brings to the relationship (or table if you will) for the others' joy is different. Its also different for each person, no relationship is the same. There isn't one easy answer for relationships and never will be. There will only ever be guidelines.

[@CourtneyRyan]

Thank you 🥹

[@roolyfe]

@@CourtneyRyancongratulations on getting married 💒

[@ikilledthemoon]

I am in no way surprised you're getting married. I dont mind if a woman does hookups but I almost died recently many times and realized I have never been with a woman that I would be comfortable just being around and it's a shitty feeling

[@roolyfe]

@@ikilledthemoon I not responding to a troll with no profile picture. Bye Felicia!

[@ikilledthemoon]

@@roolyfe ??

[@Jake-pk4xe]

We're mostly (in my opinion) selecting for "motherly" and "wifely" qualities in a bride while also trying to maximize beauty in a potential mate. Meaning, an average girl (5/10) who can still get you going but is a truly wonderful person is much more likely to get a ring than a "10/10 goldigger" with no substance. As Courtney says, your beauty gets our attention, but a woman's personality, heart, kindness, character, grace, and femininity is what makes us want to commit. A good rule of thumb is to think, "would I be happy if my future son brought me home as his fiance?" If the answer is "no," then work on why you said "no."

[@pace1195]

I agree with your statement, but what modern woman is going to say "no" to that question. All these women today rate themselves 10/10 even if they look like Jabba the Hut. Also, the longer this cultural milieu goes on, the stronger their convictions they deserve perfection in a partner because of their perfection.

[@ClaraDobluis]

Unfortunately, Courtney and Samantha Lee are the expection and not the rule for women

[@pandemicneetbux2110]

Very good end point and I'd like to add that when we make fun of modern women literally part of what we make fun of in golddiggers is the fact that they literally don't get A CAREER MAN MAKES 100K TO PAY FOR HIS KIDS, *NOT* FOR YOU. These girls all act like guys are just johns, they hoe themselves out like these really shitty annoying prostitutes that suck in bed and don't listen to anybody, then get shocked when men don't want to marry them because they're spending the man's money on themselves and literally demonstrating on a minute by minute basis they can't be trusted to handle any family situation that calls for putting the child ahead of yourself. Men will absolutely have sex with you, but the saying is right "just because he'll have sex with you doesn't mean he'll wife you" and men should be wise to the same "just because she'll fuck you doesn't mean she'll husband you."

[@The-Vitruvian-Man]

Be a healthy weight, emotionally stable, humble and modest, kind, supportive, be able to carry on a conversation, not on social media hours a day, and show affection without the man having to initiate it about every single time.

[@davidabarak]

Men want, men want, men want... but not all men want the same thing. Some prefer heavier women, some don't care either way as long as the woman is a good woman, and for some, being at a healthy weight is a must-have. I'll say this - I prefer women who are at a somewhat healthy weight, but I'm not going to let that be a deal-breaker for me if I love the woman. A nice, tight belly is really sexy, but for me, a few extra pounds can be, too.

[@chuckwilliams4569]

What do I want in a woman? (ranked in order of observability) - Beauty & Interest in spiritual connection and physical touch. - Care & Respect for my presence, time, & attention. - Appreciation and gratitude for my provision and protection. - Desire & Deference for my heart and love. - Peace from the regular, everyday BS of the world.

[@micahthompson3762]

Spot on. To genuinely like the person, to really enjoy their company is such a huge aspect of a relationship lasting till "death do we part". Beauty fades but a woman's genuine smile and respect last forever. (of course for that to stay a constant means the man also has a responsibility)

[@spxram4793]

yes. only point I disagree - beauty does not fade, it changes. I am slightly above 50, and still have contact to many of women from my school times. There are exceptions, but most of them are wonderful. I'd hope men could do similarly well - not all of them do.

[@Larry-hy5rm]

Congratulations on getting married. I wish you the best. I can't speak for other men, but I completely agree with what the woman in the Tik Tok video said. It's not that often when you see a woman actually understand and speak the truth to other women about the reality of relationships. I can't believe how much some women have lowered and degraded themselves online to get mens attention. It's really sad to be honest. I agree that sime men are just as bad as the women that do these things. People don't realize how lucky they are to be in a meaningful long lasting relationship. I have been single about 24 years. I can't find a woman that wants a real and meaningful relationship so I stay single. I'm not one of these guys that do one night stands or hook ups. They are a waste of time and have no real point. Having values and morals mean more in a relationship than looks.

[@pandemicneetbux2110]

Yeah I'm only now thinking about it again. It's even worse now than when I abandoned dating years ago. It still just makes me disrespect men even more though, because so much of the time it's you guys (mis)leading women to being awful. It's like you guys don't even realize they're doing it too. You know that thing, where you do dumb shit just because you think that girls like it? That's why women are doing it. Now that I think about it, the women that I seem to find most attractive all seem to be ignoring what the other girls do. It's like they just peeled off from the pack and did their own thing entirely. I think high power men do stuff like this too, like if you will notice Elon Musk dated Grimes. I kinda feel like Johnny Depp was pretty high when he dated Amber Heard. It's often the girls that don't even bother with makeup and have their own style, are much more demured in public (but you can just tell they have that badgirl streak their friends probably don't even know is there, but you do). Large crowds of girls sometimes it feels like they make themselves collectively more retarded, and it'll be just that one, I'm not even sure how to call it but I guess they come off as female "quiet alphas" or something like that.

[@Larry-hy5rm]

@pandemicneetbux2110 It's not just one or the other, it's men and women both. I don't try to be someone I'm not. I'm me, you either like me or you don't. I don't say that to come off rude, I just don't pretend to be someone or something I'm not. I'm fine with who I am, and if others aren't fine with me being me, that's their problem, not mine. As far as the comparisons you made go, they are rich and famous and can act like they do and people dont seem to mind, though it's not my preference to act like that. Anyhow, all I can do is be myself and hope that someday I find the person who likes me for me, but if I don't, that's ok to because at my age I'm not changing for anyone, and I don't expect anyone to change for me.

[@pandemicneetbux2110]

@@Larry-hy5rm I was mainly going off about how all these MRAsphere types keep pushing this one distinct type of person that is absolutely not the kind of women that I'd date or marry, and then you have the onlyfans anime weebtard crap getting women to act like idiots too. Which is really saddening and disappointing that you take a girl home and she hits you like a brick freight train then turns ultra submissive and meak when you get home, which I get is a feminine thing in general it's just...idk the type of woman that guys like Samuels try and push sounds more like a pet than a person. But then again yeah these guys also try and push this 22 yo nonsense and I'm starting to get worried about how big my age gulf may end up being and what level immaturity or even generational disconnect I may face.

[@OpEditorial]

The irony that one of the few women that actually understands (and has) the "looks, personality, youth, fertility" x-factor is getting married, shouldn't be lost on anyone. Also Congratulations Courtney!

[@spoonman4024]

Congrats on your marriage! Hope it was a truly wonderful day you will always treasure. We're 8 years in, and it's the hardest, most rewarding, wonderful thing we've ever done. All the best to you and your husband. It's a whole new journey now.

[@CourtneyRyan]

Thank you so much 🥹🤍

[@DavidMatias79]

Trust is everything. Reliability, commitment, loyalty. Someone I know I can count on. I'm 44 and I haven't met her yet

[@tspencer661]

My dad married the love of his life at 66. (Obviously, my mom wasn’t the love of his life.😆). I hope you won’t have to wait that long.

[@DavidMatias79]

@@tspencer661 thank you :)

[@andrewbentz8894]

One thing I have found with myself and many other men is we want someone who will love us for who genuinely are and not try to change or mold us into who they think we should be. Also to not try and stop us for fulfilling our passions whether it be backpacking or fishing with buddies or playing in a band or whatever but being supportive. I found that and we've been married 5 years very happily. But it works vice versa too I'm fully supportive of all her passions and hobbies. Time apart is good and you can have more stories afterward to talk about.

[@adityaakaul]

Loyalty. Respect. There is literally nothing else I'm looking for.

[@tommygunn6901]

So very spot on! Looks only get you so far, but if you are such a brat, have an onlyfans, post thirst traps even once in a blue moon, you're done. I've met 3 women recently and I decided to never pursue cause one's a brat, one's got too much baggage, and one has an onlyfans. Ladies, YOU NEED TO LISTEN UP! It's not out of hate, or spite, it's cause the things you're doing or might be doing isn't helping you! We've been saying this for a long time! Put aside the ego

[@tspencer661]

I ended a relationship with a man after I discovered that he was following 4000+ porn stars, OF models, and fitness models on Instagram and TikTok. No OF modeling for me.😆.

[@UltimateTS64]

Congrats on your marriage Courtney. Just stumbled on your channel about a month ago and have seen a lot of your videos, so it's cool to see how you're now married. Wishing the best for you and Teddy

[@scottclark3761]

I have been preaching this for a while now. Looks gets you through the door. And that's it. Loyalty, Integrity, Kindness and Empathy. You have to be a woman LIKE that. I tell men all the time, if you want a good woman, ignore women. Do your own thing, be on your business, and you will be recognized. The right woman will want you. I could say something similar to women. Work on yourself, be your authentic self, and you will naturally be around people with the same ideas and attitude. Your guy will be there. But only if you can be vulnerable enough to be truly authentic. That's the only way it works. The fast way is the slow way. And CONGRATS to COURTNEY!!!

[@tehlaziness]

Edit: First off, I want to say congrats on your wedding Courtney! I hope it was a great day and I wish you and your partner all the happiness in the world! 1:05 "Your looks get you in the door, and your personality keeps you there". Exactly this. I've been saying this exact line for a while myself. Also, don't get plastic surgery. Different men have different tastes, but the overwhelming opinion seems to be that men do not like artificial enhancements. Men find them off putting far more often than not. The same can be said about tattoos, piercings and obesity. A lot of men see that stuff as a clear demonstration of unrestrained hedonism; a woman not caring about their body or their future or their finances on top of just being unattractive. Like, men know that if you're covered in tattoos and piercings and you have rainbow colored hair and 5 inch nails, you'd have a much harder time finding and keeping a halfway decent job. In a day where one income households are mostly infeasible, that actually matters. For me when I'm looking for girlfriend material, I look for a woman that is sane, is actually nice and doesn't just hide sociopathy behind a mask of niceness, is loyal and has good morals, isn't super entitled, takes passable care of her body and health, is financially responsible, has similar hobbies and values and doesn't do freaking OF (which has apparently become a high bar to clear). And by body and health, I don't mean she can't be out of shape or a bit curvy; honestly, I think I'd prefer a woman that doesn't look like a model because the super hot girls tend to be crazy and immoral. I mean if she's like a foot shorter than me and weighs more than I do or like, never showers or brushes her teeth, has a bunch of unnecessary modifications, hasn't slept with like a million people, etc. For short term casual stuff, she just has to be attractive, clean and not seem like she's going to stab me or something. The bar for getting casual sex out of a man is typically quite low.

[@bardinblue9830]

Yes. YES! 1,000 times YES! Thank you for this video. Trust, integrity, honesty, honor, respect, support, affection... all of those are important keystones for a foundation - whether as a basis for friendship and/or for romantic love. Without any of one or more of these in place, the foundation is flimsy and will eventually crumble from one side and/or the other. And congratulations, Courtney, on your engagement!

[@davidflood3022]

Well said and thank you. In particular your point around financial status of women vis-a-vis attracting men. I’m speaking in generalizations now and not for all men (obviously), but typically men do not care whatsoever about a woman’s financial status. So long as she’s living an independent life, has a job or some source of income then all good. I, like most men I suspect, understand from a very young age that we must make our own way in life when it comes to financial success and we aren’t thinking “someday I’ll find a rich wife”. In the reverse, I actually do understand why some women vet the financial status of men. They need to know that they themselves and any potential future children can be provided for. That’s evolutionary biology and it’s logical that a female diligences such things for long term survival prospects. But the same logic has no applicability to men. I agree with the study you cited around men’s long term partner traits. Modern women truly need to wake up to this fact: all else being equal and at core, guys want to embody the masculine protective role in providing for their partner and family and they themselves want a feminine woman to care for them and the family. Qualifier is to say please don’t confuse my use of feminine with obedience or any other misogyny and same goes for masculine being confused with dominance. I’m speaking to finding equilibrium between the two from a primal perspective. Hope more women start watching your channel too. Thanks again.

[@NewYorkDDS]

This is true. I was actually thinking about it on my way home today from work. I was attracted to a girl initially because of her appearance, but as we talked and I got to know her, I’m more attracted to her personality and her values.

[@Algore-rk8mh]

Courtney! Thank you always. Single male here in his mid 20s. And these videos do help.

[@CourtneyRyan]

I’m so glad!

[@sand0077]

Your video brings up valid points that needs to be reiterated over and over again. Congratulations Courtny in your marriage!👍

[@GCP25]

Getting married next week! How exciting! Hope you have a blessed wedding and everything goes smoothly

[@CourtneyRyan]

Thank you! 🥹

[@johnrider4649]

Thank you. I do understand your sarcasm. And your understanding.

[@jimmycees4042]

yep, i agree Courteny. I call it the difference between " being In-Love" and actual " Love". Being in love is short term and is for attraction only, but Love is long term and means to me patience, understanding and the knowledge or wisdom and commitment to a long term relationship. In the old days there was a term called " the 7 year itch". Which meant if you can make your marriage/ relationship last for 7 years then it's truely a LTR. Unfortunately in the last 30 years or so divorces happen in the 3rd to 5th year. good vid, thumbs up

[@AK47HEAVYMETAL83]

OK, here is my take… as a former F boy until settling down in my 30s, I can tell you honestly that looks is first and foremost for most dudes lol What we find out after or behind the curtain of looks is what really matters. Like what you mentioned, other values that matter as with me…someone that knows their way around the kitchen…someone that can manage finances…take good care of their health or at least…someone that can give me peace of mind…In my past, when I found a woman that I was very attracted to, it’s always physically at first, and then I try to find out what else she has in store behind the beautiful face…and that’s where I got cold feet and bounce. It’s mostly “peace of mind.” Beauty is only skin deep. But we really just seek peace of mind. Can I make a suggestion? I know your channel is geared towards men…but I think if you did an outreach to women…it would serve your main constituency loyal to your cause and continue to support you…for sure…I’m sure a vast majority of your subscribers are men..but reach out to everyday women on the street and get their perspectives and educate them more on what men have been craving? Perhaps…but if you do that, get a security detail to protect you lol

[@khalaq2]

What men want in a wife is simple and easy to achieve. 1. She looks "good enough." (He sees intimacy with her as a pleasant possibility.) 2. She is loyal/faithful/supportive. (Whatever word you wish to use, it means he can count on her to have his back.) 3. She is not a headache. (Coming home after fighting the world, he does not have to fight her, as well. Rather, she is soothing and nurturing.) That's it. Bonus points if she can cook (big boost to nurturing) and/or clean (big boost to soothing). Big bonus points if she makes him her hero and relies upon him as that feeds into his instinct to protect and provide. Also, a wife who demonstrates respect and appreciation for her husband will be forgiven by him for most shortcomings. The exception is infidelity. Once trust is gone, it is gone, and most men do not give second chances in that arena. Special Note: A man continues to see his wife the way she was when she married him, but that is no excuse for "letting yourself go." Your partner deserves your best, whether you are the man or the woman. Marriage is a full-contact sport and requires dedication from those involved.

[@grahamdamberger7130]

Good luck with your marriage. Whatever obstacles lie ahead, I hope you both will overcome them together. I remember seeing this short video where one guy asked other guys what they thought girls wanted in a guy, and they all said looks. He then asked girls what they wanted in a guy, and they all gave answers different from what the guys said. Looking beneath the surface, the guys who think girls are attracted to looks are usually right, but that isn't always the case. Yet more often than not, a lot of girls are afraid to tell the truth to guys because they don't want to hurt the guys' feelings. One thing that people value but don't outright say they value is identity. These mostly happen in movies and TV shows, but how many times have we seen a homosexual girl fall for a heterosexual girl? Or a heterosexual girl fall for a homosexual guy?

[@dragobowman2814]

FINALLY !!! A women who gets " it's the person INSIDE that counts " Seriously a good personality ALWAYS beats a supermodel !!! Think about it ??? Looks may fade over time but a good personality will last forever if you put the effort in too maintain it , yes ? No ? btw Courtney all the best for future married life .

[@LoveSamanthaLee]

Courtney, I absolutely LOVE your content! I am such a fan of you & the work you do. Thank you so much for sharing my content. It means more than you know. I sooooo appreciate you, sis. I think it’s amazing for us to continue to support women that are doing the work & spreading the message we do. ❤️Congratulations to you on your marriage ❤️

[@kentaroo.7759]

I'm too old to deal with any BS anymore. Staying single was the best desision in my life.

[@InspectorDeck]

I clicked "up' here. People, I mean universally, are so nearly-wrecked from pornography, corrupt parenting, substance abuse, beatings, chronic molestation, post-trauma and over-medication...spending time pursing intimacy is for the naïve. Your suggestion of celibacy and removal is most-excellent and reasonable.

[@brianthesnail3815]

Very insightful comments from the lady on the TikTok video. I am a 59 year old man and have been with my wife for 40 years. I am here because I want to understand the world that my young adult sons are trying to navigate and what it means for society. My sons and their male friends confirm that they face many of the issues highlighted in Courtney's videos even though they are on the face of it 'high value', refuse to doing dating apps and are looking for a long term relationship. Men in my fairly long life experience are in the vast majority looking for a long term relationship (yes there are men who are not) with someone they can connect with on a deep level. Looks of course matter to begin with and by 'begin with' I mean like the first 5 minutes and in fact a young woman who comes across as simply well groomed but natural is just as attractive as someone who spends hours on herself. All the young men I know are struggling to date but they are definitely not interested in a bimbo. They are also well aware many women their age come with a long list of requirements overly influenced by social media and very often that starts with a minimum six figure salary money and often ends with the requirement that he pays for everything. The young men I know are not bitter or blaming women but simply sad they are struggling to find someone to share their life with in a long term meaningful relationship. I had that kind of relationship from age 19 and count myself as very lucky but that was back in the 1980s when the majority of men my age or a little older were in a relationship. Young women face pressures of course and they need sensible advice too from older women like the lady on TikTok.

[@Guigley]

Thank you for all you do for us men, Courtney. And congrats on marriage!

[@cymbergan]

At our local gym, every January it is PACKED! By February people give up their resolutions too quickly. I know Courtney stands by her word about going to the gym. I do.

[@nykia31]

Be fit and be kind. That's really it. Everything else is negotiable.

[@lyndensylvester9194]

My original comment started out rhyming so I decided to make a short poem out of it: Looks may catch our eye, but quickly turn into goodbye. It's the personality behind the face that stops us right in place. People of good faith who choose love over hate. People who remind us of a gentle spring are the ones we give the wedding rings. This is EXACTLY why I've never dated anyone so far. I'm not gonna waste my time, sanity or money on the gold diggers, emotionally abusive, or playing hard-to-get people. I'm not gonna waste my time playing the stupid dating games. Another short poem: Your face may enter you into the race, but you are not guaranteed first place. The depth of your mind, dictates your time. In a perception-based race where one can't cheat, it is normal to accept defeat. Give me an inquisitive woman who has a beautiful personality, but average looks and I'll keep her forever. She's no one-and-done, she's a how was work hun? Also, congrats Courtney! I hope the wedding was wonderful and hope your honeymoon was/is just as great!

[@michaelanthony4750]

One of the benefits of not having sex before marriage is that you are forced to deal with each other's personality which is the thing that will last for your entire marriage.

[@cool_toned_woman]

I'm a woman from Germany and i hear you 🤗

[@meddyven]

Another superlative video full of incredible value and reasoning. Happy wedding and Honeymoon, Courtney! Whatever you wish for in life, that is what I wish for you both!

[@RiannaNicole]

as a woman who rarely comments, and in similar age (almost 30 in a long term relationship) we are out here. rare still and mostly off of social media (or at least more observing and not creating or commenting), and i totally understand that there are many who claim to be a “variant” of us and just tainting our style of womanhood/understanding. i so agree with Courtney here and in many of her comments. we do overlap in what we want but for those of us women who are seeking more of what you men want (long term relationships, marriage and or kids and a home and traditional things) we look for security, as females. so make yourself secure, both in job and personal things. show us that you’re going to help provide, at least. sure many want to be SAHM but others are ok with financially contributing but want to still have a family and a white picket fenced home and a family pet or two.

[@ghostflame9211]

i find it amusing that people are surprised when they realize that substance and character matter. if they didnt, every guy would be at hooters and twin peaks trying to pick up every waitress there; yet we know that hardly anyone goes to these restaurants because the food (the substance) doesnt outweigh the pretty girls. she still has to be attractive (which is mostly a subjective opinion) and yet despite all that, if she doesnt enhance his life and make him want to enhance hers, then it's not worth the hassle.

[@ted1045]

First congratulations on your upcoming marriage. I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head on all your points. There is certainly a physical attraction part of things for both men and women, usually, but it's really only an intro-based thing. Long-term-based things are support, comfort, love, genuine respect towards one another, and a live-let-live approach within reason. Having a real appreciation for one another is another key I would think or at least a desire for it as we can appreciate certain attributes a person has but it is the person we admire that helps to cement a long-term relationship. Things will vary from culture to culture but it seems at least like those are all general things that most people want or desire who are looking for a long-term relationship.

[@Caseyisforeverr]

After recently gone through a deep heart break, I realized that one of the biggest reasons why everything went downhill so fast was negative energy she had and I joined her. After I got out of it and went through a phase of reflection and acceptance, I realized that I just love love love a happy woman. I was so excited to call my mom and tell her that XD Also, congratulations on the marriage!!!! hip hip hurray!!!!

[@jasongates-]

I've been following her on KZbin since about February, and it might have been this month that she also reacted to one of YOUR videos, and I commented on her video that I've been following YOU on KZbin for a while, and that you have sense. Now I find you agree with me, that SHE has sense, and here you are reacting to HER video. And then, you and I are both from Cleveland. Small world. Also, as I said on her content, what she was saying, and what you're saying, is true about myself: Looks get my attention. Personality keeps my attention. Very true, what you're saying. Ladies, hear this: If you would or would not present yourself in a certain way to an employer, when trying to get a job ........ approach presenting yourself to guys, when trying to date, in the same way that you approach employers, when trying to get a job. You want us to come at you in better than the best of our best, and even then, we still don't necessarily make the cut, depending on this or that. Same when we seek you out. Ask yourself if you would date yourself. Ask yourself if the way you approach guys is just as acceptable as the way you want guys to approach you. Approach dating that way, ladies. We have to put ourselves in your shoes at all times, dating or not. Put yourself in our shoes, when trying to date. PSA to all ladies in the dating pool. You asked us guys what we want in a lady. For me, don't nag me, don't cheat on me, don't get with me just for my money, have respect and common courtesy, be supportive. Or, to put it another way, look up Priscilla Shirer (the daughter of Dr. Tony Evans). If you're like her, that's what I want.

[@JediMasterNemo]

I matched with a girl on Tinder once and she asked me what I was looking for. I said, “Someone with a pretty face and good vibes.” And then she unmatched with. I respect that. At least she has some self awareness. Could use some self esteem though.

[@brandon-toddhutchinson3798]

i hate this comment 😂 10/10

[@jerrymuns]

Courtney is great, she embodies the essence of a spiritual teacher and a dating coach!! You rock lady!

[@Dadnatron]

"... who is happy... who is POSITIVE." It always amazes me at how negative women can be on a regular basis. Its like the have a competition with each other trying to see who can be most miserable.

[@cokebottles6919]

Congrats Courtney!! Best wishes, and congrats to your husband to be as well! It’s wild how ignorant men and women are of each other’s needs. The red pill space and modern feminism space focus too much on the negative transactional aspect of relationships and forget that all healthy people want is a reliable, supportive, kind partner that takes care of themselves and the relationship while sharing the same key values. Both men and women want an attractive partner, but too many assume that what they find attractive is what the other should find attractive. That’s where real empathy is needed, but that’s rarely focused on in these spaces. Like many things in life though, it’s simple, but not easy.

[@IVvOOvVI]

Attractiveness isn’t going to pay the bills

[@jbondbmw]

IMO sweet, feminine, caring, supportive, and brining peace to your life is greater than anything else ("hot" body, rich, large "assets"). I did not date a lot in my younger years before getting married, but when I did chase just a pretty face, I had the worst dating experiences. What some women don't get is that most men will marry a "plain" or "average" looking girl because they are the ones who are vastly more pleasant to be around and will be a better life partner. A Ferrari is fun and exciting for a few days, but a Camry won't ever let you down.

[@IVvOOvVI]

Yeah, he’ll marry the average girl and then cheat on her with a hot girl because he cannot get the hot girl on his measly salary.

[@killswitchfate]

“FFS >FIT >FEMININE >SUBMISSIVE >SIMPLE AS” -Kevin Samuels

[@lem7181]

Book recommendation - The Evolution of Desire:Strategies of Human Mating, by David Buss. There are entire chapters on what men and women want in short term vs long term relationships. Not opinions, but the results of years of research!

[@Jeff-t2y]

Wow I really love your channel!! You are so genuine and your delivery is so calming and not judgmental!! Oh how I wish I could clone you 😂😂!! Congratulations on your wedding!!

[@maxirish]

Yes, looks will get you in the door. And to be honest, looks will always be important to men. But character, kindness, supportiveness and trustworthiness are what I'm looking for long term. It's also worth mentioning that if a woman lets herself go and gains 70lbs directly after getting married (pregnancy is excluded from this), it's a message to a man that she no longer cares about the relationship. Regardless of whether that's true, we will interpret it that way. It would be like a man suddenly losing all his drive/motivation after marriage, quitting his job, going on welfare and playing video games and drinking beer all day. If you value your relationship, keep trying to attract and date your partner long after marriage. That goes both ways.

[@javierst.martien4232]

Fax

[@davidabarak]

"It's also worth mentioning that if a woman lets herself go and gains 70lbs directly after getting married...it's a message to a man that she no longer cares about the relationship." What about the other way around, when a guy gains a bunch of weight? There are medical reasons for weight gain. In my case, eight days before I got married, I got the news that I probably had lymphoma. The next day I had exploratory surgery and found out it wasn't lymphoma, but instead was an autoimmune disease. However, I had to go on high doses of prednisone, a pretty strong steroid. In a matter of just a few months, I gained about 80 pounds and kept that weight on for at least 10 years. So does that mean I gave up on myself? Quite the contrary. The world isn't black and white.

[@jimmyshane3920]

As a man that was married for 25 yrs divorced for 5yrs now. You are spot on with this video! Great job luv your content. Congratulations on your new marriage 😁👍 ❤

[@troutnut01]

First, congrats on your wedding 🎉. Men don’t care how much women earn. We get just as excited about the woman working at Subway with the pretty smile as the Corporate Executive, in fact most of us don’t want the Corporate Executive because she comes with too much baggage and will make our life miserable. We want someone to cuddle with, that can talk to us, they can see as being the mother of their children and want that woman and her views and manners being passed on to our future children. We want a woman that doesn’t “hate” men ( you know who you are) or has been raised to hate, despise men, one that shares his values, has a similar energy level, a woman who isn’t overly demanding, a woman that knows more about cooking than microwave or Uber Eats, a women that doesn’t come with bad credit, whose family isn’t complete chaos, and most of us are not interested in raising another man’s children, so yes, single moms get 2 strikes to start with- they aren’t out of the possibility a wife, but just being a walking Visa card with kids you have zero control of- not interested. We want a long term wife that is submissive, that wants to be a partner, not a domineering, controlling, estrogen filled nightmare. We don’t want a wife that is another man. We would also like a wife that doesn’t have a gold allergy and turns off the sex as soon as the wedding ring hits her finger.

[@HunkyMan777]

A woman who works at Subway. You must be joking. She would not get a look in with me

[@AmyMichelleMosier]

I have been asked by a couple of guys how much money I make. Maybe it was just a poor pick-up line? lol

[@HunkyMan777]

@@AmyMichelleMosier Valid question. Women want to know. If she does not earn 6 figures she is out for me

[@IVvOOvVI]

@@AmyMichelleMosier I asked you how much money you make because you’re not a tractive and they want to be able to get an unattractive woman who works for them so they can be at home playing video games and sleep and then cheat on you on the side while you work until you drop.

[@IVvOOvVI]

@@HunkyMan777 that’s good because a woman would not want to become a man just because a man won’t do his job.

[@Handle6278]

The "I wish more women would listen to me" 😭 she genuinely cares for yall.

[@Spectacular-Spider-Dan]

Congratulations on getting married next week! Thank you for helping us guys hopefully achieving what you're about to! I'm very happy for you. 🙂

[@CourtneyRyan]

Thank you so much my friend! 🥹

[@Spectacular-Spider-Dan]

@@CourtneyRyan 🤗

[@jasonrichter5161]

Congrats on getting married! Now, since you asked what we're looking for... I'm going to start with a caveat that I'm sure you understand but I feel is important for clarifying what I'm going to say next: There is a difference between needs and preferences. Most of the things I'm looking for are preferences and I'm willing to compromise on. A few of the things I'm looking for are needs, and those not being met is an absolute deal-breaker. The fact that 'looking attractive' is both makes it a particularly complicated topic. There's a minimum threshold for 'looking attractive' that is absolutely necessary, but most women qualify; beyond that minimum threshold... it's nice but not necessary. So, what I (specifically) am looking for is: Physically Attractive (being fit/athletic tends to help with this but is in no way necessary) Actually interested in me/finds me attractive Intelligent (there are different aspects to and reasons for this... including communication skills) Honest (core value) Shares common interests (This is very important to me, specifically, but may not be nearly as important to other men) Kind & Compassionate Doesn't smoke, drink or do drugs (these can be a deal breaker, particularly smoking) Loyal Fun to be around (Being funny is always a plus) Vegetarian (Preference and of relatively low importance)

[@kenrickbautista6141]

What I really want from a woman is to see me as a person.

[@gerardshort531]

A few powerful words saying everything.

[@kenrickbautista6141]

@@gerardshort531 thank you.

[@frog68390]

Thank you so much Coloatno....Can you make a video of a jail man meeting a good women...You are so appreciated by millions across the nation...Blessings to you Mrs Coloatno Ryan much love and respect to you always...

[@roolyfe]

I am frustrated because all these dates I go on are foodie dates. Social media and dating apps have ruined 😡 dating. I don’t think I will marry an American woman. They only want money and status!!!!

[@kenyanicholas6809]

And you think non-American women don’t? 💀

[@DanFeldman-Edge]

⁠​⁠On average, European women in greater percentages value intelligence, curiosity, and creativity. They have value systems which are of a higher consciousness level than American women, on average. The United States of America is an extremely adolescent culture. Our education system purposely keeps students ignorant about how the world actually works. The ruling capitalist class can more easily control an ignorant population.

[@tspencer661]

What is a foodie date? A date where you go to some restaurant so you can take pictures of food to post on your Instagram? I’ve never heard of a food date.

[@roolyfe]

@@tspencer661 According to psychologists Brian Collisson, Jennifer Howell, and Trista Harig, a foodie call occurs when someone accepts a dinner date even though they aren't romantically interested in the suitor, just to get a free meal.

[@roolyfe]

@@kenyanicholas6809 I think I have a better chance since my parents are from Kenya. I can go back home and scream out.

[@thepainphantom]

Hey Courtney, congratulations are in order. I wish you a very happy day and fabulous marriage life! Thank you for being thoughtful, I listen to you quite a lot over the last months. I'm 39 this July, and after soooo many heartbreaks I have finally found the girl of my dream this year. We talk a lot about many things everyday, down to this "long term vision" topic. I'm so happy I feel like I'm the one who will be getting married (instead of you lol). You nail the topics every single time, I bet you have lots of meaningful and deep conversations with your partner (also intuitively observation from your end). Once again, congrats! God speed.

[@VideoGameRoom32]

Women like trashy men and when that doesn't work out she goes for the nice guy, good person. I think she really doesn't love him just using him as a provider. You're her backup plan.

[@IVvOOvVI]

Same with men who cannot afford the hot chick. they choose an average chick, but meanwhile planning to cheat on the average chick with the hot chick, with the average chick’s money.

[@divebomb99]

Random eye roll of the day: women who are all dolled up in their gym/yoga outfits. 3 lbs of makeup and perfectly styled hair. Cracks me up. Wouldn’t touch one with a 10’ pole.

[@habagun737]

I got only 3 things I look for: 1. Zero sexual past 2. Pleasant and loving 3. Pretty

[@DavidMatias79]

Short term or long term?

[@JeminiThaBard]

Zero sexual past?! You looking for pretty , plesant VIRGINS? Maybe you meant something else?

[@SpoonHurler]

Soooo... a sex robot?😂

[@truthseeking-t7l]

But honestly speaking.. do you have a squeaky clean sexual past?

[@JeminiThaBard]

@@SpoonHurler A sex robot , could in fact have a sexual past tho. So no refurbished or returned bot.

[@brunomadeira8432]

Being really straight to the point. Pleasant to be around.That pretty much sums it up.

[@ADHJkvsNgsMBbTQe]

Trustworthiness, decency, moral compass, competence, kindness. Beauty on the inside matters orders of magnitude more than superficial looks.

[@BrianBaileyedtech]

Bang on advice from these tuned in ladies. Thanks for posting this.

[@tothra]

Great video, and congratulations, Courtney. 2 comments: Both men and women looking for a long term relationship need to realize that his/her looks WILL fade over time. You need to prioritize personality and stability over looks; If you ask a group of men which is the priority for them, to be loved or respected, men will rank respect first. In a relationship, a woman is more likely to rank being loved first. Men need to love the woman in his life, and women need to respect the man in her life

[@anata.one.1967]

All I need in a woman in 3 things: Beautiful; Kind; Faithful.

[@mar4kl]

There's plenty of room for women to be confused about what men look for in a woman. Apart from the entertainment industry, advertising and social media stressing what a woman should look like, look at the comments on a lot of your own videos. (Not so much this one, notably.) I've seen tons of comments from men indicating that they're interested in "hot" women. I've answered some of those comments myself. If all women are seeing are comments from men saying they're looking for women who are "hot", then what else are they supposed to think? That said, I agree with what you reported here: the men who are truly high value aren't blinded by good looks. Being pretty will get you in the door, but if that's all that a man is interested in, then he's shallow and you don't want him. And if he's not shallow, then being pretty will get you in the door, but if there's no substance (e.g., good character, loyalty, kindness, positive attitude, and at least some level of self-sufficiency), he'll move on in short order.

[@russellmarvin2850]

I totally agree with you. It’s like you’re in the market for a house and you’re attracted by the yard but not the contents of the house. Then you’re in trouble. I am looking for a godly woman that knows and understands herself and is willing to learn and teach. We don’t know everything and I’m willing to learn even at 69 years old. You’re never too old to learn. Have a blessed day.

[@shpalman7]

Yes, I'm superficial, but we all have to be because we have to make decisions about who we want to get to know better out of all the people we meet every day. And I respect someone who takes care of their health and fitness. This is an attractive quality and I'm not asking for something that I don't also do myself.

[@jericoba]

One of the most sincere and true comments on here. Physical appearance AND personality matter. It's the combination you want.

[@shpalman7]

@@jericoba well, I live in Italy, where even the intelligent people are beautiful.

[@fedguy9182]

I agree that many women commenting on men’s relationships issues are preaching to the choir and not breaking through to women that often have unrealistic expectations on what the expect from men and don’t recognize what men value in a long term relationship. My wife and I have been married 36 years and learn something new in our relationship all the time. We view our relationship as a 60/40 give and take. Sometimes I provide more relationship support when she is hurting or upset and she reciprocates when I struggle at times. Long term relationships require sacrifice and maturity for better nurturing mutual existence

[@JSteelers]

Congratulations on getting married Courtney! Glad to see you as a positive role model for woman on the internet. Men and woman are human beings that will always be innately attracted to healthy, fit, and genetically attractive members of the opposite sex as it's ingrained within our biology. That doesn't mean that it's the only criteria as we also desire an other for their cultural and moral values. Whether they be socially attractive through the networks they carry or for how they act as a pillar for their morals, beauty will always be more than skin deep.

[@ccastaneda669]

Dating and getting a job are very similar. In getting a job, who you know may get you through the door. But what you know, we'll keep you there. Well, the same is true when you are dating. Being attractive to someone is important. If he or she are attractive, it helps, but if the person is shallow, selfish, disrespectful, temperamental, or just plain stupid, they are not going to last long. Both sexes are vary shallow. As a man, it's more important to have a woman who has some kind of substance and intelligence. Men want someone supportive. I believe women are looking for the same thing. They want a man who's trustworthy, honest, hard-working, smart, supportive, and has a great sense of humor. Someone they can trust and be a partner and be their best friend. Their looks may have gotten them through the door, but they're true, substance will keep them there. If they have none of the above mentioned, they'll be on their way out the door very quickly. Nobody wants a partner that they can not trust. That is dishonest, that is lazy, stupid, angry, and can't laugh at themselves. Being a partner is being a loving, supportive individual. If men and women can't do this for each other, why bother getting into a relationship.🙂✝️👍

[@liamflynn6929]

Courtney's been rocking the "butter churner" blouse lately. I love it

[@Joe-nh8eq]

@4:30 I feel like that kind of does a disservice to the confusion… I always approach the relationship wanting something long term… but a couple of weeks go by and I quickly realize that she doesn’t have the qualities I want in a LTR and break things off. Then as always the girl reacts by calling me a liar and a player… when that’s not at all what happened…

[@eoinMB3949]

Humility.........thats all any man ever needs to look for in a woman. If she is truly humble then she has everything because humility is the king of all virtues. Humility brings along with it all other positive character traits whereas the opposite is also true, if she's not humble, if she's entitled and demanding, puffed up with her own ego..........then with that comes every other negative character trait. A humble woman is the that who is described in proverbs 31 and this is the woman every man should look for and not settle for anyone less.

[@tspencer661]

This response is for the other female viewers of this channel. The statements I’m making are from my own personal experiences and observations. Men of substance want women of substance. If you’re not a woman of substance, then you need to work on that. Do you have a plan for your future? What are your plans for your health? Your finances? Your employment? Travel? Friendships? Men aren’t the only people who need to have goals for their lives. Men are not afraid of women with degrees. What does a college degree show to a man? It shows that you value knowledge. It shows that you like to learn new information. It shows that you are capable of creating goals and accomplishing them. It shows perseverance. You can have as many degrees as you’d like. From what I’ve read and seen in various videos, men don’t like it when women use their degrees as a way to belittle or degrade them. A college degree is something to be proud of. We can be proud of our achievements without being disrespectful to others. Do you treat your mom or other people in your life as inferior because you have a degree and they don’t? I hope not. Men are not intimidated by women who make more money than them. From my experience, men like women who are financially stable and independent. A man who you’re not living with doesn’t want to pay your bills. From what I’ve seen and read, men don’t like to be treated like an ATM. Men want to be respected for what they can contribute. I have dated two men since my divorce. They both made less than I do. Both felt very strongly that men are supposed to pay for dates. What did that mean for me? I respected their finances. I didn’t ask them to pay for dates that were out of their price range. One was younger, and I know he had to work extra hours to pay for our first few dates. One day, we had a money discussion. He was very concerned because he thought I wanted to be wined and dined. I told him that dating is about spending time with someone, not spending money on someone. After our conversation, he felt relieved. We had numerous inexpensive and fun dates after our conversation. If you’re not the one footing the bill, it’s easy to ask for an expensive date. Before you ask for that expensive trip, ask yourself if you would be willing to pay the entire cost. If not, you may want to scale back your plans. Know what you want. If you want to be married, you will need to have this conversation. Dating a man who wants a situationship when you want a husband is a recipe for disaster. If a man tells you that he doesn’t want to get married, believe him. He’s telling you the truth. I got a great piece of dating advice from Matthew Hussey (author and KZbin dating coach). He said that a date is part of your week, not your whole week. Fill the day of your date with other activities, so you’re not spending all day preparing for two hours of your week. Have something interesting to discuss on your date. Hussey recommends listening to a podcast before your date, so you’ll have something to talk about. You can also read a book or an online article. Have hobbies and interests. Instagram is not a hobby. If you are posting about your baking fails or your artwork, you might be okay. Hobbies make you an interesting person. If you don’t have a hobby, get one. Have suggestions for creative dates. A man won’t remember the women he took to dinner. He’ll remember the woman who he went roller skating with, ice skating with, or who brought a blanket for a picnic lunch in the park. (Pinterest has tons of dating ideas.) Have suggestions for restaurants at different price points. Does your city have great Chinese restaurants? Maybe your city is known for its Mexican cuisine. Maybe your town has only a handful of restaurants. Have you ever thought about trying everything on the menu at just one restaurant? Love and accept yourself for who you are. This is one of the best pieces of advice I can give you. Lean into you. A few months back, I took a fashion quiz. (There’s a point to my story. Stick with me.) My results said that I’m whimsical. I was upset because when I read whimsical I immediately thought of pink and frilly. So. Not. Me. In my irritable state, I started looking for images of whimsical clothes. I came across a site that had an item of clothing that I had owned.🤦🏾‍♀️. “Oh, geez. I am whimsical.” If you don’t like my dinosaur socks. You’re not for me. If you don’t like my Snoopy shirts, you’re not for me. If you don’t like my unicorn shoes, you’re not for me. (No, I don’t wear them all at the same time.) I have had more positive attention from men in my 40s than at any other point in my life. I have learned to be more comfortable in my own skin. I have learned to be more positive. I have learned how to be more open to new people and experiences. I have learned to love me for who I am. I have learned to respect myself more. On paper, I am one of the least desirable people to date. I am a divorced, single, African American mom in her 40s. I’m not on paper. I’m a real, flesh and blood woman. I’m not for the men who don’t date single moms. I’m not for the men who don’t want to date divorcees. I’m not for the men who won’t date African American women. I’m not for the men who don’t date women in their 40s. I’m not for everyone, and I’m okay with that. I have tried to be as respectful as possible. If you choose to respond, please be respectful with your interactions. Thanks

[@ChariotOfFaith]

CONGRATULATIONS! Courtney! Wish you a long and happy marriage - you deserve it!

[@ianleary5780]

Well-said, Courtney. Many women think that the short-term attention translates into interest on the man's part in making her a long-term partner. Women who think this way think the man giving the short-term attention thinks this way. When he doesn't act in accordance with her interpretation, she's mad because he broke the rules. He doesn't understand why she's mad because he was operating under a whole different set of rules. It's not an issue of right or wrong. It's an issue of a different set of rules.

[@michaelgriffin4269]

Congratulations Courtney! Wishing you the both the best in marriage!

[@budwhite111]

Congratulations to you and Teddy for next week.Very happy for you both!!

[@SigmoidConMan]

Whenever I tell people what I do for work, I make sure to elaborate my intentions for said job so they can take a hint that I have goals for it instead of settling. More times than not, I’ve received positive feedback instead of being written off.

[@flipsyder]

I think one of the most important things you can do for yourself is define define define exactly what you want for yourself and how you see your self with your future partner.. it has to be really specific. then and only then will you find what you have defined. example: if you think about red cars... you start to see it more often (try it out lmk lol )

[@kenyanicholas6809]

One of your elusive female listeners here, you responded to my DM on Instagram couple weeks ago.

[@CourtneyRyan]

Great to see you here! 🤍

[@brandon-toddhutchinson3798]

A few things I'm looking for are: An understanding and respect for my charitable nature. When men are actually charitable, it's at the expense of their personal time- and while that might signal he's be self sacrificing for you, it will also mean he will have to balance sacrificing time and energy that could go toward his partner. An understanding and respect for hierarchies I'm operating within. Similar to the social structures in places like Japan or most "professional" work environments, the Christian communities have plenty of spaces and instances where expectations can be high and specific -to avoid a lengthy and exhaustive explanation. An unwavering commitment to never provoke violence in conflict with me (or anyone really). Outside of sparring, consensual bedroom activities, and defending ourselves from would be assailants, I don't want a whiff of physical abuse between us. Verb abuse is also bad, but there's a lot of nuance in communication and miscommunication where forgiveness and learning can repair things. I will not return to a relationship where violence was ever on the table. I've no room for nuances on that one.

[@ronaldmcdonald3965]

Conversation with a woman who I like 1. You can have a two way conversation 2. We can help each other out a) She is clever/smart/good sense of humor 3. You understand what I say 4. You can figure things out without me telling you what to do 5. You have good manners

[@markaurelius61]

Congratulations on the marriage! I hope it goes brilliantly!