She's Marrying Her Sister's Husband? Is That ALLOWED?

#philippines #relationship
She's marrying her sister's husband - just like her family wants her to! But ... is that allowed? Today we have some very unusual situations from viewers, including a man who says he's being stalked by multiple Filipinas, and a guy who's birthday party that was crashed by an angry Filipino husband! Yup, it's mailbag time, so let's see if we can help these folks with their issues, including the woman who's marrying her sister's husband!
👉My videos and the effort I put into them are 100% free for everyone to enjoy, and all I ask is that you leave a thumbs-up on any videos that you like and subscribe to my channel - I have never, and will never, ask you for anything else. For those of you that still wish to support my channel further, however, I’ve posted my links below. Thanks!
👉 Patreon: / thefilipinapea
👉 Support through PayPal: paypal.me/thef...
✅ Pea's Pod Pals: www.paypal.com...
👉Join this channel to get access to perks:
/ @thefilipinapea
👍🎬SUBCRIBE TO: / thefilipinapea
✅TWITTER ACCOUNT: 🐥 / filipinapea
✅Follow me on INSTAGRAM: 📲
📸📸 the_filipinapea
📸📸filipinapea
✅Facebook Account: 💻
/ thefilipinapea
/ filipina.pea
✅TikTok Account:🎬
🎶TheFilipinaPea

[@TheFilipinaPea]

👉My videos and the effort I put into them are 100% free for everyone to enjoy, and all I ask is that you leave a thumbs-up on any videos that you like and subscribe to my channel - I have never, and will never, ask you for anything else. For those of you that still wish to support my channel further, however, I’ve posted my links below. Thanks! 👉 Patreon: www.patreon.com/thefilipinapea 👉 Support through PayPal: paypal.me/thefilipinapea?country.x=PH&locale.x=en_US ✅ Pea's Pod Pals: www.paypal.com/webapps/billing/plans/subscribe?plan_id=P-3XR99427R5493902SMTIAASY 👉Join this channel to get access to perks: kzbin.info/door/rm4tEQqTrUP3MwB2G1mjHwjoin 👍🎬SUBCRIBE TO: kzbin.info ✅TWITTER ACCOUNT: 🐥 twitter.com/FilipinaPea ✅Follow me on INSTAGRAM: 📲 📸📸 the_filipinapea 📸📸filipinapea ✅Facebook Account: 💻 facebook.com/thefilipinapea facebook.com/filipina.pea ✅TikTok Account:🎬 🎶TheFilipinaPea

[@FlipandTheBlueMule]

🌹🌹🌹❤️ Sweet Pea

[@richardflory6432]

I have a interesting question for you and your legal advisor. I'm in the U.S. and I met a Filipina and after a year of dating and chatting with each other she told me she was married and her kids are in the Philippines. And I told her she needed to get a divorce before we could go any farther in our relationship. She advised me that there is no divorce in the Philippines. We contacted a lawyer here in the U.S. and he advised us that she could file for divorce here in the U.S. My question is will this be legal in the Philippines now that she's married to me now? Would this be a problem if we came to the Philippines now that we were married in the U.S. ?

[@smokejaguarsix7757]

Guys, this is advice if you are being stalked by a woman you "got with" and who was in your hotel or home. If she keeps magically appearing everywhere you are then she is either following you or more likely, she installed a tracking app on your phone that sends her your location updates. You need to check your phone for malware or tracking apps and shut off your GPS location data. She may have also cloned your messages or email from your phone while you showered or slept and be reading your emails and texts. Change your passwords and run malware bytes app on your phone to identify malware. Also, talk to your landlord and advise them that this girl is not your girlfriend and make sure they know not to share your travel plans with them. If she is the one who helped you find the hotel or apartmsnt you are living in you may have to face facts that she may live nearby or have a friend or family member keeping her updated on your activities. One additional thing to do is to check your place for hidden cameras. Wifi security cameras are very cheap now and often come with sound. If she was alone in your place she could have quite easily installed a camera that is eavesdropping on you and recording your activities and conversations. More likely, she has a tracker on your phone.

[@FlipandTheBlueMule]

@richardflory6432 you won't like the answer. Go to the singing lawyer video description for Graceys # and call... If you go to the PNs YOU CAN BE LOCKED UP... Call Gracey

[@Tom.T]

​​@@richardflory6432 you can be divorce now in Philippines, in 2023 was there made a law there allow divorce, and if your is stranger, can you be divorce in your homeland, and you don,t need to do it in philippines, and you can be remarry in philippines, because the law respect that you,r divorce, even if it a philippines you have be divorce from

[@gumdeo]

"Don't date married women". Words to live by...

[@decwow]

No kidding. I don't understand why this is ever even a question.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

They hear the word ‘separated’, and think everything’s good 😳

[@chriselmore1969]

@@TheFilipinaPea Then they haven't listened to you enough, done any research about relationships in the Philippines, or listened to any other bloggers. Its all over the internet about dating in the Philippines. IMO no excuse!

[@chiefbobdavis99]

AMEN!

[@nomennescio7457]

What about the couple you once had in your video. She was married, had kids, and was pregnant of her foreign bf😂. How stupid was that. I didn't hear you condemn dem, lol. Btw I have a gf that was married until recently. From start I knew she was married and had children.

[@johnmacgregor324]

My grandfather married his deceased wife's younger sister, & it worked out brilliantly.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Oh wow, thanks John! 😳👍

[@49525Bob]

@@TheFilipinaPea I'm the family genealogist. I've found lots of situations where a 2nd marriage to a deceased spouse's sibling occurred. That was for both sexes. The resulted children's siblings were also their cousins. No problems of which I'm aware. There were many situations where siblings married siblings of their spouse. Not strange back 100 years ago, when the only nearby neighbors had lots of children, and travel even 10 miles was an all day venture. In my own life, I was engaged to a Thai twin. I was at the very last step of bringing her to the US on a fiancee visa, when I caught her in a deal breaking lie. I cancelled the visa process and thought it was finished. A couple weeks later her identical twin sister contacted me to tell me that she wanted to take her sister's place. She said her parents were okay with the substitution. Her parents and I got along really well, so no problem there. I considered it, but decided the drama with the rejected twin would be too much. That's when I shifted my search to Pinays.

[@silas6328]

@@49525Bob well, back in the day marriage wasn't just about creating a new family but binding two existing families together, especially in higher echelons of society. Life was also far less certain, especially when it came to childbirth and war. If the deceased man had a brother, or the woman had a sister, it was normal in many cultures for them to fulfill the familial agreements originally made with their sibling in mind. The only reason I can think that a serious minded religious person might balk at it now is because hedonism has become the order of the day. "Falling in love" with your (living) wife's sister has become downright cliché, it is so common. Having vigilantly guarded his heart against such depravity, it's not hard to imagine that he might have a hard time dropping that wall now that it serves no purpose.

[@sylinify]

@@49525Bob crazy and cool story bro.

[@NewYorkAcupuncturecenter804]

@@49525Bobwow that’s crazy. My ex has a twin sister and they look the same but very different

[@redplanet7163]

As for the guy conflicted about marrying his late wife's sister...I say go for it. It seems like the ideal solution for everyone.

[@info88w11]

Got rid of the wife to run-off with sister. Keeping it in the family. ideal solution for hubby

[@TheFilipinaPea]

I agree with you, Red 👍👍😊

[@ScooterOnHisWay2024]

Ideal for everyone else, not for him. Take a pass, dude. Life is complicated enough. Don't invite more into your life.

[@jong7513]

I don't even see how he's conflicted lol

[@Jaxfl32204]

There is only one reason to ever get married. And it’s not for the kids or the family. It’s for one reason and one reason only. LOVE. if you love her and feel romantically attracted to her then… go ahead. If not then you don’t. You are taking her ability to be loved by someone that is head over heels for her and throwing it away without regards to her.

[@TheCharlesAtoz]

Biblically, it's really okay to marry the sister with a clean conscience. You got this dude, amazing. 😊

[@hildamiller-3816]

Correct

[@russellsmith3825]

Not only ok, but I think it would be a blessing if a daughter was born and named in honor of the late wife.

[@kasperkjrsgaard1447]

@@russellsmith3825Would be difficult if the offspring is boys. A boy named Sue?

[@russellsmith3825]

@@kasperkjrsgaard1447 salute to Johnny cash

[@lelandhetrick205]

Book of Ruth. Similar story. No kids were involved with the initial husband.

[@bradmccann6459]

For the guy whose wife passed away. Your story is heart wrenching. I'm so sorry for your loss. To me it sounds like the possibility of marrying your sister in law sounds like it could be the best for your kids. Rather than just jumping straight to marriage, start dating her and see if the flame ignites, then go from there. You both sound like loving caring people and could possibly turn into a beautiful couple. And like others have said, your kids already know and love her and she loves them, so there's no stress of, "if the step mom will love your kids." May God bless you with whatever decision you make.

[@kell7195]

Dating? They already have a relationship? FFS 🤷🏼‍♂

[@bradmccann6459]

@kell7195 from what I heard, he wasn't dating his wife's sister yet. I heard his in-laws had made the suggestion that he should marry her sister and that he hadn't made a decision what to do when he emailed, Pea. It's possible I missed something though.

[@wildbill562]

@@bradmccann6459 exactly. Why jump into marriage with someone you see as a sister. That would be retarded.

[@FrigidFrosty]

As a westerner, I agree with most get to know the sister-in-law and see what's in the stars. Now as a widowed male, I say it's going to feel uneasy no matter who it would be to either date or remarry. I have had a rough time at this for a few years now since my wife has passed away too. My opinion would be as long as it's her family's decision to think of you getting together with their daughter's younger sister to keep the family as one is almost as an honor from them if you ask me. That means they know you enough and figure you as a strong person to trust with another family member. I'm not from the Philippians, but I would have to say it took a long time for her parents or her whole family to think of this. God Bless you all

[@papadougpapadougsadventures]

Marry the sister and give the kids a good life.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Agreed, PapaDoug 👍😊

[@pauldwalker]

that’s an easy decision. the family is good with it, the sister is good with it, the kids are good with it.

[@ScooterOnHisWay2024]

Nope. Charity goes unappreciated pretty quickly in that situation. And that is what this would be. Walk away and find somewhere else in the country to put down new roots.

[@Crazykid949]

I agree that it would be the best course of action for the children's upbringing, My comment thread was more of a comical side of it.

[@Wasabi-one]

Marry the sister. Mayen you don’t see her that way yet but… love is love and you may grow into it. Most importantly… kids will have better mom. That’s most important. You already win since family is ok with it.

[@TOhara-eb2lp]

When you marry her, you marry her family. I’ve seen that said by you in so many videos but the widower sure proves it.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

😊😊😊👍

[@spacecoasttactical]

Marry the sister, she is emotionally invested in your kids and will make a much better mother for them than a stranger

[@KeithTingle]

kids come first, and this is the best option for the kids

[@marvelcomiks8078]

Imagine your step-mother is your mother's sister (auntie). Firstly she will most likely resemble your mother since they are sisters and is easier to address them as mom, Secondly, she is much less likely to abuse the kids since they are all biologically related, Thirdly, the sister will be doing a favor to her own family.

[@andrewh7596]

Sounds like he really loved his wife, i feel for him.

[@yakgelder]

This video is heavy, Pea's kind nature really shines in this forum.

[@bigbuck8138]

Having lost my wife 10 months ago I can relate. Children are very resilient especially with lots of love and attention. I say move slowly with the sister and if something is there move forward

[@quantaca5773]

@@bigbuck8138 and id also try to talk to the sister away from the familie and see if she does actually want to or is being pressured by family, I realise thats not easy to do but I guess I would start by saying that if she doesnt want to I would take the full blame for that and tell the family that as a westerner it would be too strange for me... but tbh since he asked the question here I think he has already made his decission and is just looking for that last push

[@marknasia5293]

@@bigbuck8138 Sorry for the loss of your wife, I lost my Filipina wife last September, and yes moving forward cautiously is a good suggestion. I also agree, children are resilient and with proper love and leadership they can also overcome many obstacles in life.

[@Znoadrien]

as a catholic expert i can say it has been in use since ancient times that you may mary any women you're not blood related in your family (be it sister in law, aunt, niece...) in order to protect the family against harshness of the world.

[@JonathanHarper-g8b]

@Znoadrien Remember Jacob (before his name was changed to Israel) married one sister, and then the other. I am an Ardent Catholic, but I feel that rule is archaic. The only thing that matters is love. He must consider the fact that it is his DUTY as a husband to give her a baby if she wants children.

[@bartphlegar8212]

As to Tony's case, I actually saw a similar scenario play out in South America. You have to remember that in the Phils and in Latin countries, marriage is not just the Disneyfied romance novel BS that it seems to be regarded as in most Western countries. Marriage here is considered much more of a social contract. You've probably heard the saying that if you marry a Filipina, you marry her family. And this is true. Once she marries you, you become an integral part of the family for social structure, finances, status, and logistics. As for marrying your late wife's sister, consider this. She's not a stranger to you or your kids. No dice to roll there. Of course the family will accept, if not promote the idea, because to them far and away the worst result would be you LEAVING the family, and worse still, settling in with another. What you may feel as weird and uncomfortable, to them is a second chance to keep you in the family...Now, I don't know your late wife's family, so I can't speak to what your better option might be. All I will address is that feeling of impropriety that you feel. Forget about it. That should be your last concern. It's nobody else's business but yours, your kids, and your family. THE primary concern you should have is for your kids' comfort and welfare, and for that this is a good option. Then you have to consider your own welfare, and if this is good for you. Next, how it affects your sister-in-law. Does she really love you? I would suspect that she already does, and that your in-laws already know this, and that's why they are proponents of the idea. And back to the couple in Colombia that I referred to in the beginning, the biggest hurdle in the man's mind was his guilt at being unfaithful to his late wife. He eventually resolved, over time, that his late wife was no longer there to be unfaithful to, and furthermore, that by him staying with her own blood sister, his late wife would know in the hereafter that he has secured the lives of her kids with one of the few people who would love those kids as much as she herself. There are secondary and tertiary considerations to consider of course, but that's beyond the scope of what we can chime in on. The main point being, stop caring about what the rest of us think. The only opinions that should matter to you are your own, those of your rugrats, and the person you may marry. Ask your kids. You'd be amazed at how insightful the unspoiled mind can be...Best of luck...Right on, Pea...

[@user-lj6gk4lv9s]

'because to them far and away the worst result would be you LEAVING the family, and worse still, settling in with another' good point

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Very reasonable, logical, and very tactical advice, Bart 👍👍❤️

[@mansfieldhouston420]

@@TheFilipinaPea AMEN

[@michaeldooley2402]

Agreed

[@bradmccann6459]

@bartphlegar8212 Great advice.

[@Declaration-of-truth]

For the man asked to marry his deceased wife's sister: - God bless you and keep you. It must have been really hard to witness this love pass away. - If you feel the situation isn't 'right', it's probably because you're still grieving and you loved your wife a lot, which is admirable. You don't give us an age of how old you are, but it sounds like you're past your prime. In this case, you have 2 children that could be orphaned before becoming adults themselves. It would be wise to consider this, but at the same time, take care of yourself so that you give yourself and your children as much time as possible together; as well as the time you need to grieve your loss properly before courting the sister (if that's still your option). - Don't rush. Take your time with this. It's not something you need to solve tomorrow, unless you've also been diagnosed with a terminal illness. - If you do decide to consider the option of the sister, consider that she would prefer to marry a man out of love, rather than obligation as well. Also consider that she may want a small nest of her own, and those implications. Discuss these things with her and her family before considering a marriage. - Consider that she is NOT her sister. She is her own person, and while she knows you, she doesn't really KNOW you, and vice versa. Steer clear of ANY comparisons. If you feel like you and her are a good option, court her and learn about her in the same way you did her sister. Learning to love again after loss is NOT easy, so it will be difficult for you both. - Keep the children out of the discussion until the big items are agreed upon by you and the sister, and there's a decision either way. Then, if courtship is in the air, gradually allow the children to see this new love being built through positive memories such as lovely picnics with them, going on a special outing, gradually having her take on some of the household roles (meal preparation, etc), and having her eat with you regularly if you've progressed to that stage. The children need to see that there's security in your bond with her, but that you will always miss their mother. - Above all, and I'm sure you would agree - NO LIES. Children are malleable, but not stupid. They will be more secure in life and become great people themselves when they are taught that honesty and openness with family is LOVE and love is not about your feelings, but also your ability to communicate your humanity (grief, mistakes, experiences, joys, & sadness). They will see you as a GREAT MAN, not just a Dad. Few men achieve this with their children because of their priorities and selfishness. You, Sir, are not selfish.

[@johnsmathers190]

My wife is Philippina and what I'm going to say is before I met her. She was the oldest of her siblings, and her brothers had a lot of children very soon. They had a hard time supporting them, and my wife at the time was single and had no children of her own, so offered to raise two of her nieces for her brothers. She ended up raising them until they were grown. They know she is their aunt, but they love her and treat her like their mother. When I met my wife, her nieces were teenagers, and I agreed to help her continue to send them money for all their needs, if she was willing to marry me and move to the United States. Happy Ending, they are married and have children of their own now. My wife is now in her late 50s and still no children. But she is okay just raising her nieces.

[@HitsFromThePast]

You didn't want kids of your own with her?

[@christopherholbert1878]

Tony’s email was sooooo touching! I almost cried. Tony may God bless you brother. If you decide to marry your wife’s sister then the Filipino Pea community is behind you brother.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Thanks! I really hope he hears you, because I totally agree 👍❤️

[@Will-be-free]

I just hope, neither he or the sister, wants to do it just because they think of the children. Marrying out of duty, may not be the best for anyone. Other than that, I can't see why anyone would have any objections.

[@patricklever6106]

Of course it is up to Tony what he does, but for the sake of the kids I would surely consider it! Of topic though, what a transformation from the adorable Miss Pea, to the dowdy old schoolteacher at the end, I was thinking, no, that's not Pea, Noooooo. (The glasses? Dunno. Don't become a schoolteacher Pea. A schoolgirl maybe, but a schoolteacher? Naaaaaa.)

[@bigart9488]

​@Will-be-free I somewhat disagree. As an older man, it seems that we are less inclined to marry simply for love. In fact, sometimes romantic love isn't a factor in successful relationships. The fact that her family is on board with this is a massive plus. Why start searching for a new woman and have to deal with her family?When you've got from what I understood to be a beautiful good woman who already has a good relationship with your children? Unless you don't like her go for your brother!

[@js7un165]

Give the girl a chance to find her own husband and happiness, not forced to marry a junk heap. Just give the kids to the family to raise.

[@Davidrnsnmbrs]

I think you missed the point the first guy was trying to make. In the US, "Separated" is actually a legal status directly before divorce. It is 95% of the way to divorce where even all of your assets are separated and put in your own names. So I think the point of the first guy was to make the distinction that in the Philippines, "Separated" means just not living together but still married legally. Americans might think of it as how it is here and make a big mistake by misunderstanding the legal status.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Yes, that’s exactly right, and I believe that also what I said (I also have several videos on the subject, detailing the differences between western ‘separation’ and the Filipino version). My apologies if I wasn’t clear enough 😊

[@chriselmore1969]

@TheFilipinaPea You were very clear and that is exactly what you alluded to.

[@gr8gmr]

@@TheFilipinaPea I may have to look into that myself.

[@Davidrnsnmbrs]

@@TheFilipinaPea whoops. Maybe I just heard wrong! I should go back and re-listen to make sure. My mistake!

[@prospergee1]

Yes gotta be careful and ask the right questions. When you meet a filipina some will say they are a ‘single’ mom..but will be separated (still married). You’ll take that ‘single’ word and just roll with it without asking. They wont say ‘separated’ unless you ask..some of them are ashamed. And even if you do ask and they are separated half will say they are widowed..which is sometimes code for ‘me and my kids havent seen him in 15 years and we dont know where hes at’. Widowed is easy to believe if the husband was 60+ and wife was 20ish. But most filipinas get married in their early 20s to a pinoy boy their same age. So when she says shes widowed at 30 and expects you to believe that her young and vibrant husband passed in his 20s…ask more questions po.

[@danporath536]

Your advice to Tony was incredibly wise and sensitive.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Thanks so much, Dan 👍❤️

[@DesMoinesHomeDeals]

Every time I watch one of your videos I can’t help but think that you not only have a God given talent for presentation but perhaps a talent for consultation. You’re probably naturally a very good friend as well….when you have time.

[@robertlalor8090]

Brilliantly done, Pea. As you said, the interest of the children is paramount. Sending best wishing to the widower, and to you.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Thanks Robert 👍👍

[@The_Judge300]

My advice to the man that lost his wife to cancer, is to marry her sister. It will be by far the best for his kids instead of marrying someone else and I am 100% sure that his late wife would have wanted him to marry her own sister the most as she would be confident that she would be a great mother to them. And I am totally sure that the man and the sister will learn to love each other as husband and wife as long as they both are good people and it sounds like they are. I think by marrying the sister, his kids, the sister and him will have a great life and future together.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

That’s my opinion too. I didn’t want to come out and give him that advice, but I made sure I listed all the positives in the hopes that he would come to that conclusion 👍❤️

[@natewilkes366]

I agree too

[@susanwjoh0re735]

hell no dude this is weird. it's the wife's sister. that is so biden family weird sht right there.

[@marcprobin1659]

I believe marrying her sister is a great choice! The children will be loved and you probably will love her sister, she sounds like a good woman! Good luck, I know what it's like to lose a wife by cancer! God bless!

[@Alopen-xb1rb]

My wife’s mother died when she was ten-years-old and her dad remarried within a year. That choice of his has created more friction in her life than any other decision ever made in her life. To this day she resents her stepmom and second guesses every statement from her stepmom and constantly doubts her stepmom’s purpose at every turn. Now my wife is Chinese and not Philippine, but she came from a rural community that values family above all else. Based on my interactions with my wife of twenty years whenever the topic of her stepmom comes up, I would strongly recommend you do not marry any other Philippine or asian girl other than your wife’s sister. I am guessing you are older and not sure if you have to remarry at all. But my experience in Asia with step families is very, very poor. I think they could reasonably work in the US or another western country but not so much in many parts of Asia that still have very close knit families and small communities.

[@Oldmanfromchicago]

When I was younger I dated a woman who told me that she was separated. Things were great for six months then she started acting strange. It turned out that her husband was working out of state and the job was coming to an end. They were separated she said yah right he was working out of town nothing legal. He didn't know anything about it. I'm lucky I didn't get shot. She knew what she was doing was a lie but didn't care just as long as she didn't have to be alone. Messed me up for years I never trusted anyone again.

[@warlockpaladin2261]

This is why we used to make people wear their wedding rings here in the West.

[@nrmnnk4057]

@@warlockpaladin2261 a wedding ring does not stop an unfaithful person from removing the ring. Many people do this when they go clubbing. But I understand what you mean. Today, people wear rings for all kinds of reasons, such as to show status or wealth while others wear a ring so they do not get approached by others. (pose to be married already. )

[@solutionsforabrightfuture3579]

Yes somehow I have physically became the man that women want to cheat with. All I did was focus my emotional pain into the gym. Far too many women don't even want to mention they have a boyfriend or husband.

[@verb0ze]

Your mistake was to date a separated woman. My rule is, if you are not 100% single, we're not getting involved. Separated means there's a possibility they'll reconnect, so why water my time and get emotionally involved, I'd rather spend that energy with someone who also comes with no strings attached. I'm sure I've avoided a bunch of drama by turning down "opportunities" in similar cases. Life's too short to spend a minute in unnecessary drama.

[@adriancato8652]

To the man who lost his wife to cancer, I say marry the sister. You want what's best for your children, and I think that would be. The Peas advice on setting up home some distance away from the clan, to avoid your children being embarrassed by other children while of school age, is sound. When they are older, if they have grown up in a loving home, which I am sure will be the case, they will understand that this was the best decision you could have made. I would not worry about the age difference. You will both be entering this new relationship with your eyes open, and love can grow even in somewhat of an arranged marriage. I wish you both good luck for the future.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Sound Advice, Adrian 👍❤️

[@davidfisher5140]

In a committed, loving relationship, age gaps shrink over time! I was shocked to learn this. It is not just from a double her age to less than double mathematical thing (20:50/30:60/40:70), but also a matter of perspective. SHARED VALUES AND GOALS matter most of all.

[@zuchnicky]

Maybe I am little bit dumb...or social ignorant... but I still can't catch why it should be problem to marry wife's sister? Why should children being embarrassed??? 🤔

[@adriancato8652]

@@zuchnicky I don't think the children will be embarrassed by having their late mother's sister as their new stepmother. The Pea suggested that in their culture their fellow school members might make fun of them for this, although I can't think why, I know children can be cruel, but I don't think it would happen in English schools.

[@elderdwaynehull5377]

If you marry the sister, you get 2 for 1, Wife/caregiver

[@JefferyCuddletrousers]

I find you to be very genuine and kind, please continue making content in your unique style and tone 😊

[@BeastrealDT]

Despite his current feelings. He should marry the sister in-law. The most important thing is what's best for the children. Keep the family bond together. ✌️❤️🌹

[@js7un165]

No, if he's not in love with her, don't do it, the sister will always be there for the kids whether he marries her or not. Same if she's not in love with him. She's in love with the kids, but that love will be there regardless. Try it but just stay single for the rest of your life if you don't mingle.

[@kranzonguam]

The last email struck a chord with me. My maternal uncle was married to a Venezuelan. She passed away unexpectedly when my cousins were still young. Her family's answer, like in the email, was to have her younger sister marry my uncle to keep the kids in the family. They had a long and relatively happy marriage with another child between them. I wonder if it comes from the Spanish influence in both cultures? Anyway, you do great as an advice columnist! Take good care!!😊

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Wow, thanks for sharing that, Kranz! Maybe it is a Spanish cultural thing - I honestly don’t know 😳👍👍

[@dhow414]

To the man considering marrying his deceased wife’s sister: Marry the sister as it sounds like you two could live well together. Part of a successful marriage is mutual trust, understanding and true compassion. With your children being her relatives you already have that. Love is not an instant spark but a flame that grows from shared times, shared experiences, and mutual trust. You have most of that in spades with your history. I suspect your love will be a strong and lasting flame. Good luck my friend. Oh, and yes Pea you are looking beautiful in this video.

[@areleous1]

Beautifully said

[@ILoveLibertyJustice]

Great sensible advice Pea. I’ve never stepped foot in the Philippines or met anyone from there but your comments are straight forward and easy to understand. Your American English accent is so clear and how you speak is impressive. You have so few errors grammatically speaking, intonation and or even fluidity of speech. Very impressive. Thanks for helping all the lonely and broken hearted out there. You’re making a big difference in the world.

[@elderdwaynehull5377]

In the bible ladies did marry their late husband who past brother,

[@henkvandervossen6616]

In Kenya in the Luo tribe, that is still the custom. Going against that custom will get the widow cast out of the family, even her own house. As polygamy in Kenya is legal, the law supports/tolerates this.

[@deebea6364]

It’s always nice to see how much people respect and value Pea and her insights and input into their lives and situations! In this case I do think it’s worth seeing what the kids think - I wouldn’t be surprised if they were happy to have their aunt as their mum, and be a part of planning a wedding, and family decisions - hopefully it’s a move that brings the family closer rather than alienates or upsets the kids… especially if they are at the core of the decision!

[@michaelfreemantle4295]

in my opinion if he likes the sister and she likes him then they should marry.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

I tend to agree, and it’s definitely best for the children 👍

[@TechEreb]

Last guy, (Tony I think) - just my 2 cents. Do what is best for yourself. If you don’t have any attraction to the sister in law, don’t do it, but if you do develop attraction, like pea says, don’t sweep it under the rug, let your kids know, and it’s better they’re raised by a sister in law than someone who like you say, is un-vetted. As I recall, the Bible doesn’t speak negatively on it. That last story was truly heartbreaking to hear and I hope you’re keeping strong Tony, for your family’s sake and yours, god bless brother!

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Thanks, Ereb! I hope he sees your comment, and I agree 👍👍

[@DarthPoyner]

Nah, Tony is right in his thought to do what is best for the Kids. As an adult that is privy to all the info, he can better weather the storms of this situation. His kids have none of the maturity or access to the details in order to bolster them. As a father, the best bet is to do what will be best for the kids. It will cause some problems for you, but that will be nothing compared to how it affects your kids. Your attraction to the sister is not a huge issue. Attraction comes and goes and love is built not felt. The biggest part of all this is truth and respect. You need to stand up to the family and make sure that they don't lie about things. Force them to be truthful and not hide the situation. But also try to incorporate the sister into your family unit so that everyone feels like she is the "mother" now. We are so quick to be selfish and say, "Whatever is best for you." But as a parent, your life is filled with sacrifices for your family. This might just be one more. Or if the sister is as cute or cuter, then no problem.

[@jeanpagette5019]

@@DarthPoynerno he is not. That’s an emotional decision when pragmatic reasoning is required for self preservation

[@Angel-gt6ms]

Getting with a single mom was the first issue, second was check to see if she is TECHNICALLY married. Separating is nothing as its just temporary.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

👍👍👍

[@broderickhennington5336]

Pea is great. I love the way she's condescending without being a jerk. Keep telling them straight and telling them all it is

[@redplanet7163]

You're looking particularly gorgeous these days, Pea.

[@whatsnext-007]

Definitely agree

[@TheFilipinaPea]

If you say so, RP! All I can say is thanks ❤️😊👍

[@JohnnyRico8]

She's getting hotter, no doubt. 🥰

[@charlescox2840]

@@redplanet7163 I agree 100%

[@causalitymastered]

When the skin shines like that, is a biological signal to attract a mate. That happens when women are ovulating.

[@hermitbob7304]

I like when you answer questions from subscribers. Your answers always seem well thought out and practical, with a touch of humor.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

THANKS Bob, that’s exactly what I try to do 👍👍

[@GeoffsPhilsInfo]

If I were you, and you both feel real love, then marry your sister in law, I've heard of two other foreigners faced with this dilemma and solution, one where his wife was killed in an accident, and the other where his wife died of a disease, I'm so sorry you lost your wife, good luck 😊

[@firelord675]

Her best advice was saying that she would like her sister to marry her husband in order to raise her children This used to be normal in most cultures up until the 1900’s. Before then, this was normal

[@CaptainJackSparrow110]

The difference back then was that death was common. You were lucky to make it long enough to even reproduce. We are mammals and without modern medicine women will die or become so disabled from birth that she will die in a year. Disease caused quick death in less than a week. You needed to remarry quickly to have a mate to take care of each other and create food and supplies. Blended families were the norm. The difference between then and now is that the man always had authority over the family. There was no competing father because he was dead. The new wife had no competition because the old wife was dead. Modern medicine is great but it leads to people living long enough that they get tired of being together and divorce is even possible. Throw in a giant welfare state and parents don't need each other to survive.

[@thomasrobson6370]

In the Bible Old testament, there is a tradition of a brother marrying a dead brother's wife and naming his first born son from her with the dead brother's name. I do believe a vaguely remember a story about a similar situation where the relative married an "orphaned" widow of a relative. So from a religious standpoint I don't think there's a problem there.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Thanks, Big Tom 👍👍❤️

[@thomasrobson6370]

@@TheFilipinaPea 😉

[@redangrybird7564]

​@@thomasrobson6370 the reference you mentioned is the story of Ruth and Boaz, Ruth was a young widow and she was encouraged by her mother in law to marry a relative of Ruth's late husband, to protect her, protect their property and to have offspring.

[@thomasrobson6370]

@@redangrybird7564 yeah that's the story

[@rge9857]

Same in Inuit culture here in Canada. It is the responsibility of the younger brother to take in the wife of an older brother who died. Respect.

[@Eeasy-wq4ss]

Good stuff, wise advice Ms.Pea 👍

[@TheFilipinaPea]

DoubleE!!! Thanks, I try to give my best advice 👍😊

[@Passport-X]

So many red flags 🚩 in the first story. He shouldn’t have even started a relationship.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

She me folks never learn, but at least this guy learned a valuable lesson 👍

[@wesandlanie]

I met my, now, wife, online in late 2020 and was first be able to visit in 22 due to Covid. She told me she was separated and explained the situation. Her husband many years ago she found out after a year of marriage was already married when she married him. We got an attorney and the prior marriage was ruled invalid- not annulled but Invalid. I’ve been there 3 times to see her and our daughters there and in March we were married. I’m 61 and she is 50. We have always had open and honest conversations and she is wonderful. Good advice on checking for a cenomar. I thing the PSA there is less than accurate and extremely slow

[@marknasia5293]

@@wesandlanie many agencies that claim authority over issues are also “less efficient”

[@captainnemo6723]

My first time watching your show, I am very impressed. You did a outstanding job. Good for you.

[@cindygordon5242]

Thru history and the Bible, there are many references to , marriages to a sister or brother after the spouse died ! But then society was not very mobile, and survival was always the bottom line! I personally see no problem with it, she obviously would care about the children , perhaps far more than any outside woman might!

[@wealthysecrets]

The Bible was written by many different authors over thousands of years, in a time much different than ours today.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Agreed, Cindy 👍👍

[@susanwjoh0re735]

and that is why the bible makes people weird.

[@josephahner3031]

​@@susanwjoh0re735if taken without thought or context. With careful examination and appreciation for its context it is an incredible tool that can enhance your life.

[@murraydoytes5825]

As Cindy mentioned this occurred through history. In western culture it was very common up to 100-200 years ago. Especially in cases where mothers lost their life during childbirth or if fathers passed when children were young, brothers would step up for the good of the family.

[@jamestoney2593]

The bible says when a husband dies it is his brother that will take her in as his own if the family is OK with it and you are ok with it then it is a good thing do not let rumors and gossip get in the way of your and your children's happiness they do not understand now anyway they just know who is there and stable for them God works in mysterious ways and so do filipinas

[@livinb450]

The Bible is how peoples lived before having access to any real info and very racist, sexist, murderous, and totally uncivilized. Fyi

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Then the Bible sounds like Filipino custom, yes 👍😊

[@susanwjoh0re735]

the bible is really weird dude wtf this is some joe biden bs.

[@Healingofthesoul247]

@@jamestoney2593 What scripture is that sir?

[@KingRat71]

The Bible includes that because under Jewish family tradition you want to keep the LAND in the family. So the younger brother marries his brothers widow to protect the land. It has nothing to do with being good to her. Plus, in those times, you could have multiple marriage. So it isnt a concern that he might already be married.

[@mikeg-yh5ey]

Love Ya Pea! Thanks for all you do!😍❤

[@TheFilipinaPea]

I appreciate that, Mike 👍❤️

[@jerryfritz374]

Agree with your advice Pea. One thing to add. Tony is Already a Great father, thinking of his children first. The lady he gets to help raise his children will be a good mother to them. N yes I wish him Many Blessings.

[@christopherholbert1878]

I didn’t forget to hit the like button. By the way your usage of double entendre is PhD level!!!! So funny!!!! 😂

[@christopherholbert1878]

Oh sorry I meant Pea hD

[@TheFilipinaPea]

And I sure appreciate that, Christopher! ❤️❤️

[@quor2243]

I think the key comment about the sister is he said he never looked at her that way. If you're not attracted to a woman in that way then why would you marry her, even for the kids sake. Kids are not stupid, they will pick up on dads strange feelings about the new mom/aunt if he goes trough with it. Kids need to see healthy affections between their parents, if not they won't develop healthy affection.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Thanks for adding your opinion, Quor 👍👍😊

[@TravellingMan20]

@@quor2243 He might not have looked at her “that way” because he was a faithful man in love with his wife, and never looked at ANY other woman that way. …Kudos to him.

[@quor2243]

@@TravellingMan20 Hahahaha, it don't matter what your marital status is, you know when you see a woman if you would hook up with her or not. It's a basic law of attraction. It's just the right thing to say when married that you don't look at other women that way. So in this case it was an honest response and he has no interest and that's what I assumed. Or he's not being honest with himself and others cuz he don't want to admit he thought about it before. Long before while he was married. So no, no kudos to anyone.

[@karlobluesman]

I also thought the key comment was about how he felt about her as he sees her as his daughter having mentioned the age gap.

[@kell7195]

Some people arnt completely selfish and are actually capable of acting at levels above base animal impulses for the greater good, this may be news to you but there you go 🧐

[@FilCanGil]

I’m definitely staying after class……I hope it includes an ORAL lecture🤔😂😂😂

[@TheFilipinaPea]

🤣🤣🤣👍

[@henryyoung7184]

What a touching episode - thank you.

[@robertguillermo1025]

Nice piece. This is a perfect reason (in my opinion) why divorce must be allowed in the Philippines.

[@johnlobley]

Have a great Tuesday ...and always let the ads play

[@TheFilipinaPea]

John wins the silver? 🥈 The world has gone crazy! 🤣❤️

[@guyandre4946]

Two points relating to the last case presented: Has anyone asked what the sister really thinks about it? That is what she, herself, really wants to do, away from pleasing the family, or her love from the children? You said that she is a well educated young woman. She had to work very hard to achieve and succeed in her education. She probably had dreams, but also she also had a fair idea of what future she wanted for herself, and what job she was looking forward to. Consider the independence and self satisfaction that a paid job brings inevitably. Yes, she probably wants to please her family, and yes she certainly loves the children. But, have you both thought of how long such relationship can actually work well, or how long it will be before “cracks” appear? And, with all respect, a young lady fresh out college hadn’t got the same idea, perspective, understanding of married life, of its responsibilities than a much mature, older, woman. And this with a man, certainly a wonderful man, but probably twice her age, or more, that inevitably will naturally passes away one day, leaving her a very young widow? How difficult is it going to be for such a young widow to find a husband and new happiness, this with children and probably more siblings of their own? I think the answer resides with the sister. She will need all the help and prayers she can get to make such an important, life changing decision. This said, I know someone who did loose his wife and who did marry her sister. And … it worked perfectly well! Of course, it was not easy and plain sailing, but it developed into a wonderful relationship, with happy and successful children. The only difference is that the sister was older. (to be precise) . I do think, alongside Pierre Corneille, (a French writer, tragedian from the 15th Century, in Le Cid) that “Valour does wait for the number of years”. And that “Pure souls do not await for those”. In all cases, it always comes back to the ancient greek inscription on the temple of Delphi, more than 2000 years ago: “γνώθι σεαυτόν” or “know thyself [first]. 😊❤️😘

[@haroldwalls6591]

In Pea's presentation, she said the sister is agreeable to it.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

The only thing I know is that she agreed to the proposal, but no description of her eagerness 👍

[@guyandre4946]

@@haroldwalls6591Yes I know. Thank you for your comment and point of view. 😊 But … knowing what is really the reality of family life in the Philippines, and the pressure family can exercise, the sister can’t say no! Furthermore, Filipinas do not like confrontation. This why I wrote: “Has anyone asked what the sister really thinks about it? That is what she, herself, really wants to do, away from pleasing the family, or her love from the children?”. 👍

[@josephahner3031]

I think your novel is rooted in a Western worldview and you have taken this a bit too far. You are right to say that this man should take the sister aside and ask for her honest opinion and make it quite clear that he will take responsibility in her place with the family if she is not really okay with their proposal. Casting judgement on a family you don't know from halfway around the world is uncalled for.

[@guyandre4946]

@@TheFilipinaPea Thank you Pea. As per my response to the previous comment, we both know the immense pressure family can make, and that Filipinas do not like confrontation, as you said yourself so many time. My point, really, was to ask “independently”, privately, what are her real feelings, everything considered. This is a life changing decision that should not be taken hastily. ❤️😘

[@JoeJennieJourney]

Great information kaibigan Pea, for Allen always let your children know the truth no matter what you decide on Thanks 👍🙏 Pea

[@TheFilipinaPea]

AGREED! Yup, always the truth is best 👍👍👍

[@joephysics5469]

Much respect for your opinion and advice Pea.

[@phaseten]

Family Christmas party gonna be lit!

[@TheFilipinaPea]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@KingReese9k]

My Queen of the Philippines is back with another great video and story keep up the good work ❤️ ❤❤

[@TheFilipinaPea]

I have some unusual ones for you today, Your Highness 👑❤️

[@simontmn]

Queen Pea 🫛​@@TheFilipinaPea

[@simontmn]

Queen Pea!

[@captainmango1355]

Wow, Pea! Truth is stranger than fiction! You can't make this stuff up! Thanks for revealing some potential pitfalls. When looking for a mate we really must be careful. For the last letter, it sounds like he needs to learn to love the sister - she will have the best interest of the children. About that cramming session...I'm ready!🥰😍😍🤩😚🤗

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Even if the cramming session includes an oral exam afterwards? 🤣🤣🤣

[@captainmango1355]

@@TheFilipinaPea That might be the best part!

[@chriselmore1969]

So here is a suggestion about the last guy with the wife who passed away. If he is not attracted to her, and to save the kids from growing up maybe being lied to or teased in the culture, don't marry her. I know that differs from most suggestions on here, but here is another idea. If the sister and family love and care for the kids, then ask them if they want to raise them and have them live with the sister and the family. The dad can still be a dad and be involved in their life, support them financially and emotionally and be a dad. He doesn't have to be a husband to be a dad, and it seems the family loves and cares for the kids. It would kind of be like a co-parent situation. Everyone could tell the truth and that seems to me to be the best thing for everyone. The dad could still live close by and move on with his dating life if that is what he wanted, yet still be there for his kids. It also seems to me that the community would respect that decision as well.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Thanks for adding that option to the mix, Chris 👍

[@jamesholland5761]

Wow! Crazy mailbag!! But as always you handle it with grace and good advice! Thank you for sharing Pea!! ❤

[@robert-zg8or]

Miss Pea. The advice on the last man you gave is spot on. Moving so the children have new friends will help but he and the family must be open and honest. Point blank- no sugar coating anything. Direct and honest.

[@robhernandez6105]

Is the sister being pressured by the family. A long heart to heart with her is needed. Does she and you want more children?

[@TheFilipinaPea]

I wish I knew 😳👍

[@robhernandez6105]

@@TheFilipinaPea If the sister desires it; then it would be great for the children and you. If she doesn't; then it could be a nightmare.

[@daveh5947]

Nice Video about normal life in Philippines... 😊

[@TheFilipinaPea]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👍

[@sailorichiban]

❤Love you Pea ❤ I love your feelings for kids, we are like minded. Addressing the gentleman who lost his wife: you’ve still got a part of her, do the best you can for the kids. God willing they’re going to be what’s remaining of you and you’re pasted wife after you’re gone too. I speak from experience, my wives are no longer in this world, but I have lots of beautiful grandkids. In my view you’re a man in God’s favor. Sounds like he has provided for you. ❤Love you Pea ❤

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Good advice, Ichi 👍😊

[@YourFilipinaGrace]

The marry-the-sister story is moving. What's important is he prioritize his and his children's well-being. He should asses his relationship with the sister, reflect his feelings and most importantly, think of the possible impact on the kids if he decides to marry her.

[@dwarvengamesmith9726]

Props to the security for stepping up and clearing up things for the traveler.

[@erikgeorge3770]

❤❤❤ love the Pea ... ❤❤❤

[@TheFilipinaPea]

That’s a very wise choice 🤣❤️

[@shareman99]

The story was sad. I guess keeping it in the family is a real thing.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

He really does have a difficult decision to make 😳

[@Ron-oe7hg]

​@@TheFilipinaPea to me he's already decided against this offer from the family. That situation would be just toooo complicated from my perspective.

[@elderdwaynehull5377]

Can't have a better life being with a marry woman, he did the best thing and left.

[@faustinodibauda251]

I love this one P! Thank you for the story. I like stories😂

[@John-yl4tj]

Very good advice you gave the man contemplating marrying his sister in law. You are wise beyond your years.

[@ronfindley2874]

Pea time! Good evening Pea.

[@brianscovern68]

Hi Pea! Interesting stories for sure. Some guys really put themselves in screwed up situations. Whew!

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Just wait till Friday 🤣🤣🤣

[@Erik-xg1yz]

To all the folks telling the widowed guy to marry the sister-in-law... Don't do it if you can't see her as a wife. You're shorting her by not being able to be a husband. Start off by trying to date and see if you can spark any of those feelings with her and if not...or if she doesn't see you that way either, at best you two will be roommates raising your kids. While that's great for an aunt taking care of her niece and nephew, its not so great for a role model for the kids as it would be to see a loving husband and wife raising them.

[@kell7195]

No one cares about his feelings, he's a Man, they care about the future of the Children, his only purpose as a Man is to feed, defend and raise his offspring in the best manner possible, feelings are for Women and Foreplay, nothing to do with ensuring offspring survival. put the Disney nonsense away dude, its embarrassing.

[@TrendingintheWorldToday]

My cousin married a Filipina, she died of cancer he brought her ashes back to the Philippines. Wound up marrying her sister. They are living their best life.

[@kjnoah]

I believe if he can put the children and family first, he can overcome his awkward feelings.

[@NSAKEY]

Agreed. And over time, they can both become more comfortable with the situation. He just needs to overcome whatever negative beliefs he might have about it. Love will take care of the rest.

[@SunRise-ul7ko]

She's not your girl. It's just your turn.

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Even for Trump? Surely you can keep a woman! 🤣👍

[@SunRise-ul7ko]

@@TheFilipinaPea Not even Elvis could keep a woman satisfied.

[@jeffking9202]

You give very wise counsel, Pea.

[@MrG2G]

This was great P....very calm and objective insite

[@williammcaleese5551]

I agree with your advice on marrying the sister. It all comes down to the kids, and if you can find love within yourself. In due time , of course . Sounds great for everyone involved. Pea! You are the best!

[@asksterling]

Ms. Pea your ability to share empathy with us is beyond admirable. Yes, his sister in-law is the most sound option. Well done Ms. Pea! 😊

[@Stephon723]

5:31 You spoke on of all of that for nearly a year in 2020. He musta missed those

[@timwest277]

These experiences are very interesting. Every time Pea uploads the mail videos, I make sure I have some snacks before clicking. 🍿

[@ElderLyons-zk1rw]

you had me at 'YOUNGER' sister

[@Thesixsixman1968]

Very interesting video Pea. All three of the emails were very good ones and your responses were just as good.

[@kenarmstrong128]

THANK YOU!

[@Guildofarcanelore]

Thanks Pea. It’s always insightful when you reach into the mail bag and help bring a Philippines perspective on issues. These episodes are likely easier and less expensive to produce for you.. all you need is your camera, green screen and your lovely dress. I know you like to show us what we’re missing in the Philippines, and get different perspective on Dumaguette and the islands, but I know we benefit from these sorts of episodes, where we get to simply hear you “tell it like it is.”

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Thanks for that, Arcane ❤️❤️👍

[@SuccessiveApproximations-Intl]

Always great advice, and thoughtful opinions, thank you, Pea. This is why I support you.... your content seems to get better and better, it looks like it's professionally put together, and there's never a dull moment. I hope Tony marries his sister in law, it would be best for the kids, and make the family unit stronger too. Hopefully, the physical attraction will grow, but, even if it doesn't, the emotional attachments will. We gotta love our Pea!! 🥰😍😘

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Thanks, Success ❤️❤️👍

[@5ivestring]

Other option for the man whose wife died. Just keep living in the Philippines and don't marry the sister, just stay in contact with the family as the father of the children, having them come to visit or is is acceptable, visiting them with the children. If he feels lonely later, a different non related person would be a possibility. But I see keeping the kids around their extended family as important. He can provide for them schooling and a better future without going back to the States.

[@marlow769]

Allowed? Hell, it’s encouraged. 😂

[@brettscott7614]

I've heard of similar situations to the last guy's story in Indian culture and things turned out well for my co-worker who married his late wife's sister.

[@BryanWicks]

Wow.. just WOW. 😮 This video was part entertainment, part educational. Thanks for posting this content. 👍🏾

[@TheFilipinaPea]

Thanks for watching this content 👍🤣

[@BryanWicks]

@@TheFilipinaPea I assure you that I *will* be smashing that notification bell to ensure that I NEVER miss an upload! 😉

[@BillysWild]

Pea you’re an amazing human. You are wise beyond your years. You’re very articulate, and always give sound advice.

[@cameronkruger4333]

"best thing of the Philippines is you can easily disappear" that can kind of go in several directions, it was funny to me.

[@russman74]

this was a great video on insights to the weird situations that can happen in the Phillipines.

[@NeathSpadge]

That second email was so moving and thought provoking. Your response was one of your best. I sort of lean towards marrying the sister for all the positive reasons stated, but can see the issues also. I truly hope it works out great for them all.

[@kell7195]

Learn to count 1, 2 ,3

[@robertguillermo1025]

On your last story, first and foremost, my condolences to Tony for his loss. With regards to the situation, if Tony’s sole purpose is to care for his kids, then your situation (in my opinion) is to raise your children as a widowed father. Your situation will not suffer. Your children will still be cared for by your wife’s family. Your wife’s sister will still care for them as her niece and nephew, your wife’s parents will still care for them as their grandchildren. The only situation is whether you are lonely. And that is a different situation. If how you look at your sister-in-law differently, and you feel uncomfortable, then stay away from it completely. That should not be an issue.