261. Breakup Relapse! (Thinking of the Dumper!)

I'm still thinking of my EX!
In this video Rory (The Love Chat) discusses having a breakup relapse. Are you still of your EX after months-to-years after the breakup when you were feeling fine for months? This is completely normal! Breakup relapses are a completely normal occurrence where the dumpee thinks of the dumper even though they went through a longer period of feeling fine! Listen in for more information!
What does the dumper go through?: • 59. What does the dump...
What is my Ex thinking about during No Contact?: • 60. What is my ex thin...
Time is everything when winning your Ex back!: • 10. Time is everything...
Will I ever hear from my Ex again?: • 4. Will I ever hear fr...
How to make your Ex regret dumping you!: • 19. How to make your e...
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#getyourexback #nocontact #dating #howtogetyourexback #thelovechat #reboundrelationships

[@TheLoveChat]

Hello Friends - my link to get mental health counseling through "BetterHelp" is live: betterhelp.com/rory If you are looking to try mental health counseling but don't have insurance, or live in a part of the world where it is harder to do then this is your chance to get the help. I'm in talks with the company to interview one of their counselors so we can hear the opinions and thoughts of what a typical session is like, their thoughts on breakups and reconciliation with an EX, and much more. BetterHelp only employs licensed mental health professionals (State & board certified)! I am sponsored by BetterHelp - seems like a win-win.

[@sammycrazy4u]

Relapse means you’re on the right path! It means you’ve been healing and your brain is trying to see if you’ll fall for the same thing again. Keep riding the waves and it should pass

[@iownage4youi]

"This is your brain shaking off the last remnance of that connection." Damn, I really needed that today. Thanks Rory.

[@AABTBS]

Does anyone else here experience this weird psychological phenomena of deeply not willing to let go, because if I let go, then it means they let go too, and then finality sets in? hope is cancelled forever? I experience this projection - as if my ex mirrors me, and if i'll move on, they have also reached the point of clarity in emotionally moving on from me too, with no doubts or weak moments - Kinda hard to articulate, does anyone can relate or shed some light? The thought of no hope and finality (after on and off 4 year relationship) kills me - it's like death and I can't handle these thoughts even after 1 year and 3 months have passed since the break up.

[@MassHysteriaMan]

I think that could be related to superstitious behaviour. Because you maintain your position of not letting go this superstition gets reinforced each day that goes by when nothing bad happens (e.g. your ex moving on) Its like everytime you avoid walking under a ladder, avoid stepping on a crack and your mothers back doesn't break then this projection is reinforced by the absence of a negative consequence, then you feel like you have at least some form of control. Very exhausting.

[@lynndub3527]

I’m in the same boat still trying to get what happened after 6 years together

[@haklbarry2]

Dating guy is talking about it. Well you dont wanna get over her/him, because if you are over her/him there is no going back and you know that u dont care about him/her then u are over them, but cause u love them u are scared to reach that point, because u want to care about them.

[@ShannonThor.]

Same here... going thru this too. I understand what you mean

[@cherrybacon5154]

I was in an on\off relationship for two years. It went from beautiful to horror at a moment's glance and I could sense when his mood swings would happen. It brought me to my knees and when we were separated, I felt like I was grieving all over again. I felt I would be list if I carried out no contact, that letting go would somehow give him the ammunition to go elsewhere. I learnt that no contact was for MY benefit and not his, so he could do what he wanted with himself, while I continue to do mprove myself. Slowly but surely, and bit by bit. 🍒

[@TheLoveChat]

I appreciate you all very much

[@parisam7659]

Thank you for all your efforts!

[@loubnaaitbelkacem8650]

Thank you for always being here❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@cenimuqa7108]

We appreciate you man, thanks for your help ❤

[@joshuafoster9945]

We greatly appreciate you sir!!

[@annejean3767]

Thank you Rory, you have no idea how much you help us, I would be 100x worse without your videos. Many thanks

[@lacieb716]

To help others, when you go through this, don’t blame yourself. Sometimes you are not the problem in the equation. Do more of what makes you happy. Enhance your good qualities and make plans for your future. Give yourself things to focus on. This is what I do when these moments hit me. Journaling also helps the most and makes you stronger.

[@TheLoveChat]

Exactly! I still journal to this day!

[@sademontague3696]

I heard journaling helps. Im going to do that too

[@diggiediggie2373]

I've finally let go of my ex gf after a decade of relationship. She dump me. After a month of break up I finally get the answers I wanted so I decide to block her and walk away. It's so painful, all the plans we had just vanished in an instant. She refused to fight for the relationship and I can't do anything about it. It's time to let go.

[@thelemonadejourney]

Are you in my head??? Had a huge breakdown yesterday..breakup was a year ago and I am feeling like crap

[@TheLoveChat]

Feel better soon, Julia!

[@joeb5578]

It's been 10 months for me. Did pretty good up until I was laid off April 1 Covid-19. No work, lots of time in my hands, moved, new car but not back to work yet. It's been up and down for me the past 2 months. It's a real killer for me. A few days up and now, going back down again. Losing my mind. Another good person to listen to. Sorry, Rory, you're great, is "Dating Guy". He's just as good as Rory but in a different way. Kind of helped me out too. Give it a shot. Hope you feel better. :)

[@hyethga]

I had one today. It's been nine or ten months since our break-up and just as long since NC. I thought I had moved on and was doing better back in April and for some reason I broke down today. To be honest, I felt something was..."off" this past week, though I'm not sure what, and I'm not sure if today was set off by a triggering event - a song? a particular memory? All we can do, as Rory says, is work on ourselves. Be well and hope you feel better soon!

[@JoeSmith-gl9mx]

How long were you with your ex?

[@joeb5578]

@@JoeSmith-gl9mx About 9 months.

[@gaipontiff2]

Unbelievable timing with this video Rory. Was broken up with about 9 months ago. Been dating a few people along the way but started thinking of ex the last few days. Not back to day one or even month 3 or 4, but still missing her the last few days. She has actually been in contact on weekly basis, but going to acknowledge these feelings and move on.

[@briantate5837]

7 months for me and I just recently went through relapse. Lasted about a week unfortunately, on the backside now

[@gaipontiff2]

@@briantate5837 we are all stronger than we know.

[@NeeNee-mi7jy]

It’s definitely happened to me with a few exes. I believe it happens when I am not fully engaged with my life or prioritizing my own needs. I just stay busy and recognize that I may miss certain things about them but I do not want to go back to them.

[@chantalfuentes5570]

I went through this two weeks ago once my ex contacted me for the first time in months. The conversation didn’t lead anywhere and I felt like I was back at square one when we first broke up. It was extremely painful to go through those old emotions again but I did get through it. You will too if this is happening to you!

[@vittoriolasam912]

I just came to realize it now, on how i've overcome from being so obsessed over my ex, then turning them into.. just a person. They're just that. I talked about her a lot, with my own friends[none of which she knows about] and my sister. My sister shared a similar situation but from a platonic relationship with a toxic friend. She told me, in her perspective towards the ex friend, she goes: "If i don't matter to you, then why should you matter to me?" And that was a wake up call for some reason. With those words along with her story, it gave me a realization that deep down yeah, my ex doesn't give a shit about me. They loved me but now they don't, so why should I? Because they treated me good? Sure. But they also treated me poorly. They gave up on someone who was willing to at the very least try. But somehow it doesn't bother me even though I think of them now. It's been a little over 8 months since the break up and NC. It's all about taking the time to accept the current moment, in whichever way that will help you without self-deprecating. More importantly, don't put your perspective on you losing them. Because in truth my dear friends, they're the ones who've lost you. Thanks Rory for the video! Appreciate it my guy 😁

[@08cuteness]

Absolutely love this!!

[@Jordantzd]

Thank u for this man

[@esmesal6006]

In the same situation. Upcoming 4 months after the break up. It’s hard but your totally right.

[@vittoriolasam912]

@@esmesal6006 Take your time. It's hard but it'll be worth it

[@BeaChloe11]

It has been a year and a half now and this is so timely. I have been getting all these weird energies to want and reach out and check in on him. I never gave in of course and I don't want him back. But thank you for this. I needed to hear that I am not alone, no matter how much time has passed.

[@LG-im9yr]

Perfect timing...been broken up for 8 months from a year or so realtionship. Be in no contact since. It's been a painful process. Finally reached the point where I was rising from the ashes at 7 months. We work together, but COVID put me at home. Just got told we are moving offices and his office will be next to mine. It sent me in a doward spiral of anxiety and the possibility of running into him. It been a week of anxiety and I am still working through it. I haven't even been to the new office, and probably won't for a while. I read Rory's book and followed his advice by journaling my thoughts. It's has helped as I don't really journal. Sometimes I feel I am never going to get past this. Then I remember a quote from his book from an unknown source, "Why should I be sad. I lost someone who didn't love me. They lost someone who loved them." Thanks Rory! 💖💖

[@icprools1]

I’m in the same boat o start work the 29th with her

[@adamoart211]

This has happened to me recently. Sometimes dreams can trigger this

[@TheLoveChat]

Yep! This has happened to me before

[@murmers8930]

True

[@lewisthomas2132]

happened to me today, I then I took a nap to try and get away from the emotion and she was in my dream again! the whole night

[@haklbarry2]

Story time for the suffering ladies and gents (short version): i wanted to break up for about 4 weeks, but decided we could work things out - 3 days later she broke up with me - no begging pleading (textbook breakup) - completly crushed, taking tranquilizers,but still hitting the gym 4 times and goin running 2 times no matter how bad my condition was - sticking to no contact - 3.5 months she contacts how we should handle stuff - we exchange stuff and had fun so we went out for a drink - we both had a super great time - wanted to kiss her - she refused and mentioned that there is some new guy and why i didn't contact her earlier -and shes happy now - i instantly backed off and told her we could work it out but yea gl with the new guy - i knew it was a rebound and well, hit the gym and went running etc... - 4.5 months she asked how we handle stuff in our hometown - i drove to her with the stuff, but this time i said to myself no big talk no nothing ( by that time i gained about 40 pound (20kg)) - i was there like 10 minutes - driving home i phoned my cousin and said that iam so confused why in the fuck she legit didnt try anything - arriving home i received a message on how impressed she is that somebody can gain that much muscles in that amount of time - we messaged for a 1 week - i told her i dont wanna have contact cause its unfair to her new guy cause i mentioned i wont be a friend of her - shr told me its fine - i didint text back - 2 days later she said, that btw the new guy is gone -5 months - we met on her birthday and she was a bit drunk, and for the first time post breakup it felt off for me, it was so akward and i never really liked her then she was drunk - she wrote me a couple of times but i didnt answer anymore - she stopped after 2 times, 2 weeks later she added me on fb again - 4 weeks later she asking for stuff she does defently not need and is just trying to get back in contact - 9 months in - i didnt want to try it again with her - i still love her in a way and still like her very much and wish her the best - i think its still for the best and the only possible reason for me to get back together is in maybe one or two yeara and only if we both grew and really start over new. It gets better, stay strong and in the end, you gonna be fine ❤️

[@lucapettinari1500]

Absolutely relatable. I've got dumped like 8 months ago and still feel some itching from the bruises that situation left on me. But I push myself to the limit with exercise and regain control almost immediately (also with the "byproduct" of gaining a better body shape). Major takeaway: "Sometimes, the best way to beat these situations, is to not make them bigger than they are." Thanks for always uploading the best life advices Rory ❤️.

[@renierswart4542]

I think the worldwide lockdowns also play a big role. I am in South Africa broken up almost a year and about 7 months no contact. She left me for a friend of mine and they moved in together after about 3 months and the weird thing is I am not mad anymore I am now worried because so many people are losing their jobs and businesses and she owns a small business. But I will not reach out as it is something she will have to deal with

[@jessicafelton2804]

My ex and I still in contact and it’s been hard for me still. I know to look at the up sides to everything by learning from it. It gave me a wake up that I really need to work on myself more and I don’t expect them to come back. I think he is happy and as much as it hurts, I am happy for him. It’s called maturity & growth. I wish he was happy with me but I understand and hope someday I will eventually meet someone I am happy with. I refuse to just go out & date to try to distract myself. Not fair to anyone to do that. I will just keep working & growing, be better & stronger when it happens. Thanks Rory. ❤️

[@khawajamazhar9188]

If you survive a breakup, you definitely come out stronger. No Doubt About It! You start getting back in control of your life; like coming out of a lockdown.

[@hoidoei941]

And keep making the same old mistakes

[@irshadali8052]

Much needed at this time, when my ex has unblocked me finally and letting her story to be viewed by me and watching my stories. Still I'm strong enough and not texted her yet after getting unblocked for one month. Long way to go. Doing my work, going to gym living my life. Thank you Rory.

[@TheLoveChat]

You are very welcome, Irshad!

[@pinaopina]

Stay strong let her do the reaching first. Good luck

[@irshadali8052]

@@blankearth5840 yes I agree with you, that's the good thing. But to let her know that I watch her stories still don't give a damn will fuck her mind up . By the way I don't give much time on social media so it's very rare that I come across some of her stories.

[@lols5851]

@@irshadali8052 since from how long you've been broken up?

[@irshadali8052]

@@lols5851 14 months since break up. 14 months in no contact. One day she picked up my call when I called her mom for something but I didn't talkk to her I just asked to give the phone to her mom

[@newcrib201]

Literally I'm on day 2 of relapse right now. As im crying I opened KZbin and saw this video on main page that describes what im going through. My heart literally hurts from this breakup that was 10 months ago from a 5 year relationship. I've went on so many dates but cant find anyone I can connect with. I miss him but know hes not worth this pain I'm feeling that he caused me from this breakup and forgetting me like I meant nothing. I hope that this will pass as the last reminisce as you say..

[@lacieb716]

This came in just in time for me!!!

[@CirculoPro]

Thank you so much for this vídeo. This just happend to me yestarday!!! It´s been a year and a half. I am fine, working on myself, working on my projects, bla bla bla and suddenly, I was whatching an episode of whatever and then it started to play a song that reminded me of my ex. I started to cry compulsively and until now I´m not understanding and also hating the fact that I´m not over him. I know he´s not coming back, he´s happilly dating someone else and I thought I was fine with it, but at that moment I was so angry about myself for having this feeling. Then I decided to feel it and accept it so I kept crying for a while, then I took a shower, talked to a friend about it and that was it.. just a memory....I really needed this video! Thank you Thank you Thank you...

[@TheLoveChat]

You are very welcome!

[@ste2577]

It's been 6 months, worked on myself and was feeling better, still love her, but better, until last Wednesday I found out she was sleeping with someone else, we were childhood sweethearts together for 12 years, had the house, kids, pets the dream life. Now I'm back to square one, so this video is very very much appreciated ❤

[@uncwnelson2709]

I needed to hear this! I've been in no contact with my ex girlfriend for the past two months. Been focusing on myself and my fitness. Lost 25 pounds since the breakup and shared a photo of my progress on my Instagram. As soon as I did that my ex unfollowed me and it sent me down a dark road. Fortunately, I didn't cave and reach out to her, but I sure wanted to. But thank you Rory for your helpful videos and encouragement! I'm going through a breakup relapse and that's okay.

[@Franciswithag16]

Been 7 months since I broke up with my abusive ex and I am spiraling into a relapse. It's been a week or so and I thought I was dumb and stupid to suddey miss him all the more I was the one who broke off our relationship. I needed this, thank you.

[@VideoArtis]

I can relate to this. This just happened a few weeks ago. I've learned to give my emotions permission to exist, allow them passage, and forgive myself afterwards. Thanks Rory.

[@airarose6248]

I’ve had a few relapses. I think the first was four or five months after the breakup and I felt like I had been doing so well. Soon after that he contacted me with what felt like breadcrumbs and it set me back further. I used to react like you talked about, felt there was something wrong with me, and was distraught about it. Why were my emotions getting the best of me? But when you learn that feelings are valid, every single one, you begin to feel more peace about everything. Because we are human and we can’t be so hard on ourself. We were never meant to have breakups, like back in the day. It’s a jarring experience for anyone and your mind can’t make sense of it. You just have to learn to accept it, and that is one of the hardest things. The pandemic and not knowing the direction my life is going at the moment has also made these times more difficult. But I will say that you are right, over time those memories will no longer be painful and will become ones you look back on fondly. I smile when some come to my mind. It wasn’t how I wanted it to end, and held so much promise, but if our life is like a book then we should always be excited for the next chapter, no matter when and what that will consist of 📖 I think my biggest struggle is my love for music and how I connect with lyrics, and how I shared that with my ex. And lately a lot of the songs I have discovered and play on repeat are about heartbreak, love, and moving on. Seems like everyone writes songs about that, and for good reason. 😅 I guess my question is, is it alright if it makes your ex comes to mind, even if you no longer feel that pain associated with them? I think it’s human nature that even if you have dated other people after your ex, like I have, you remember the last time you experienced true love. So I guess I will have to experience it a second time for that to go away, or maybe time will take care of it. One can hope 🤞🏼 Thanks for empathizing with us and letting us know you also have times when you think about your ex from the past, even if it’s different now. You make us feel heard and seen, Rory, that’s a rare talent you have 💖

[@shav12]

This came at a perfect time. I’m in month 6 of no contact and I was feeling pretty good the past few months. Now I keep thinking and dreaming about her a lot

[@annastormhold1151]

I am on month 3 and the dreams it’s the dreams I hate I don’t think of them as much during the day but of later hey have been poping up a few times

[@Tidouce86]

Started talking to my ex after a months of NC but after speaking for hours at a time on the phone and even meeting up for non date quick dinner. She told my brother at his behest that she wants to be friend with me and felt nothing during our time out. I was hurt but realized that it's really time to really leave her alone and go NC again indefinitely. I tried to make amends since she said during our break up that its bc I took her for granted. So time to move on. Painful but necessary🤷🏿‍♂️. Love this channel 👌🏿

[@rubyray777]

I am going through this right now for a few weeks actually, after a year long break up. It is the one year anniversary of when I moved out. I also had to break no contact when I realized I left all my vinyl records at his place after unpacking all my stuff at my new place. I wanted them back, so I reached out to get them. It is hard. He is being very cold too towards me. But I will be getting my stuff back at least. I just don't know how I will react when I see him after so long. I am hurting, but it's okay. I will survive. Just move forward, workout, eat good, and stay positive. Thanks for this video.

[@ohiostate8636]

I was shaking like a leaf, i don't even know why

[@pinaopina]

Whatever happens don’t reach out after seeing him. That’s a big set back. It’s just gonna be more pain for you.

[@rubyray777]

@@pinaopina Definitely!

[@rubyray777]

@@ohiostate8636 huh?

[@ohiostate8636]

@@rubyray777 when I seen her

[@joshua4300-v9p]

This happened to me about a fortnight ago and lasted about a week. What I went through felt similar to the early stages of the breakup and was so random. I couldn't stop thinking of my ex. How they were happier by leaving me and going down that rabbit hole. It really sucked. However, it was really the last shake of the blues and looking back I'm grateful it did happen. Trust the process and if you've been self healing you'll get through it.

[@dantheeraiderfan1974]

Perfect timing Rory, We had a phone session last week Thursday, it's been about 2 months after the initial breakup and over 2 weeks of NC I was feeling weak yesterday and felt like reaching out, but no I am continuing the work on myself and building the relationship with my new found family. So i stayed strong..thanks for the video

[@TheLoveChat]

Stay strong Dan! You can do this!

[@hllj2793]

Again.. perfect timing! I really appreciate you, man

[@TheLoveChat]

I appreciate you right back!

[@souadayadi7336]

I swear this thing happened to me just today! we've broken up 4 months ago, and today, this morning... I woke up missing him as hell, in fact, I've seen him in my dream last night, I was doing just fine, I thought I'm over it... and today, I just felt like nothing is over and all the feelings are still there__ and suddenly! I receive a notification of your video, I think you're a blessing sent from above, thank you

[@lols5851]

Update? :)

[@genuinepessimist5185]

Rory! Are you in my head? It’s been 10 months since my BU and I used your videos and book to help me get through and to heal. This past week has been horrible with relapse and I have no idea why because I was doing so well moving on. I had a break down at work today feeling like I was back at day one. For the first time in a long time, I have been thinking about him and wanting to reach out again. I know better though. Thank you for all you do. You always know how to help.

[@TheLoveChat]

You are very welcome!

[@PiplupNoms]

Needed this ❤️ It’s been a month since we broke up and it’s hard. Literally tearing me apart. I still love and think about her. But I need to face the fact that she may not come back... In the mean time, I have to focus on me, my priorities, self love, and NC.

[@damianomen6077]

Christ almighty this is a shit feeling..spent 20 years with my wife, I’ve been gone 4 months after finding out about her affairs..(again!).. and had a relapse today ..a real bad one , I’m 42 and still have to have her in my life because of our children ..want this feeling to end!.

[@RossMK97]

Rory your videos have really helped me move on from my ex. When she broke up with me I thought my life was over. But over time I've learned to accept it and move past it by listening to you, Dating Guy and Craig Kenneth. Thanks for your guidance.

[@TheLoveChat]

You are very welcome!!

[@jordanpowell3202]

This is weird for me. I've been going through this relapse for about 2/3 weeks I'd say so it's funny how the timing of this video works out. I stopped listening to the advice Rory gives out months ago and I've been talking to my ex sporadically within the last 2 weeks and it's just helped me realise she isn't interested anymore, which is fine I guess. I guess I just wanted to confirm that we were officially done. Who knows maybe me and my ex could be together again some day but for now it's a no. It's time for me to move on fully, I'm happy once again and am even dating, the new person I'm with is amazing, but the heart wants what the heart wants. Thanks Rory and the love chat community, my journey is nearly over.

[@mantasbartasevicius3553]

it is happining for me now. A year of a breakup. Now i have lots of emotional relapses. Lots of good memories. I even have a thoughts about reaching out. Regret of unfriending in facebook and how we actualy were very great together. I have done all the mistakes if you can call them in the past, i actually did everything to make it work again and yes, lost myself in it. I dont regret, because i did loved that person but i was too emotional. Rory your videos helps a lot. its about things that we all know, but we dont want to admit.

[@lols5851]

Update? Did you ex reach out? :) And secondly...Is it true that guys suffer more and faces more breakup relapses than girls? I mean Is it true that guys grieve longer than girls? :)

[@sheiladamazo1752]

My breakup was in October of last year. I went through the stages of grief, and after a few months I started working on myself with the help of these videos. After a while I even decided to unsubscribe from this channel (sorry Rory). I had felt much better, but of course I would still think of my ex from time to time. Recently though, maybe I'm three days into it now, I've really started to fixate over my ex a TON more. I've been wanting to check his social media even though I know there will be a world of hurt waiting for me there. Thankfully, I've been able to stop myself from doing anything stupid. I knew I needed a little advice so I came back to this channel, and I'm so glad I did. This video explained everything I'm going through and I understand I just have to accept my feelings and keep improving myself for my own happiness. Thank you Rory.

[@MikeGolf993]

Hi everyone here. It's been a year since the breakup. Months since the last contact, and I feel like my ex has fully moved on while I'm hurting. Not for the breakup itself but for them moving on me and I'm having this relapse thing. It feels bad because it's like being backwards to day one. At this point I'm thinking about getting a break out from social media (not for trying to get my ex's attention) but for me to disconnect from the world we live in, to focus on me and just me. Living in a time when we spent half a day in front of a screen connecting with everyone while we are going through grief and we miss someone that we could actually talk to, or just getting information about them, just touching that screen, it is not easy, it just complicates everything. I hope I get out of this mess soon. It's been a long time, and I don't needed these videos anymore, but now I needed to watch this again.

[@alistairhales9179]

my ex broke up with me at the end of February, I've been doing counseling twice a week, getting fitter, working on myself, even had a counsel session with The Love Chat. and I still can't get over it, it is now June.

[@alistairhales9179]

@@olivermayer4904 how did you get them back within 24hours? if you guys broke up 2 years ago.

[@user-ms6ue6yu3c]

I had given very high importance to relationship, the purpose of life, dreams were attached with it in identity mannner. With ending of the relationship, all of a sudden, my purpose was lost. Due to this, my existence lost all meaning. This loss of meaning was excruciating. For first few months I did not know why I exist and for what. I would not wrong to say that I was not even an animal with meaning attached to mere survival. I was just eating, sleeping, laying on bed seeing the wall, crying whole day night and it kept on repeating. Today I have realised it was loss of meaning and purpose. So, I will work towards developing a new meaning and purpose independent of any person or relationship except me. I am doing this. Atleast for first time I am seeing what led to my horrible condition. My bad condition and this struggle. Six months of no contact. A few days back I was feeling very low. Have undergone PTSD. But I did not break no contact. I have taken a break from social media. I accept my emotions but always move forward. Move forward, tiny leaps. One day at a time. Focus on personal goals. Create a meaning in life.

[@AABTBS]

You are very smart and profound - I too came to similar thoughts on what my ex represented for me That was bigger then just her, she symbolized and held the concept of mutual nurture and family and future for me and when she left me again, all of it died and the grief was, is still, endless - all my grieves from my whole life were violently shaken and awaken by her leaving and I felt like a lost child, not the woman I am, I forgot who I am tho went through the motions of doing what's right working on me - It all felt empty - I am still not ready to see new people, and covid19 deepened my distress and my longing for her. Only now, A year and 3 months after she left, I am truly beginning to deeply cope with this grief in therapy.

[@user-ms6ue6yu3c]

@@AABTBS thankyou for you reply. I respect your struggle. Personally for me, reading and writing helped a lot. It worked as a ticket to move from despair to freedom. If I have to choose, then perhaps these books helped the most in addition to Rory's videos and his book. 1: Viktor E Frankel: Man's Search for Meaning 2: Maya Angelou: Letters to my daughter 3: Maya Angelou: why the Caged bird Sings 4: Shianne Sampson: Broken to Badass (contains very powerful exercises like Rory and full of ways to overcome) 5: Jackson Mackenzie: Whole again (to grieve and how not to repress emotions). 6: Brene Brown: Daring Greatly I started writing on my blog as well. How I Used to exist and not live adityageeta17.wordpress.com/2020/06/10/how-i-used-to-exist-and-not-live-life-truths-i-wish-i-had-known-before/ Beware! if you seek closure, you seek your death adityageeta17.wordpress.com/2020/06/14/beware-if-you-seek-closure-you-seek-your-death/ And a poem for all those people who feel vulnerable and weak, Stoikiy Muzhik: An ode to the Vulnerable adityageeta17.wordpress.com/2020/06/04/stoikiy-muzhik-an-ode-to-the-vulnerable/

[@karenzhang1020]

How do you know I am going through those emotions these days? 😭 2 month ago I just told my friends I almost over him. But these days I start to miss him again every morning and got tears in my eyes. Damn I miss him... 😢

[@dawnhsu6770]

Its been a year since we broke up. Just last week, ive experienced relapse for one day. Been busy working from home thats why I did not give much thought about her. Its nice to know from Rory that its normal. The reason why i had a break up relapse is because it was exactly June 12 ( Indepemdece day) when she dumped me and it feels like hell. But then again, i decided to continue what ive been doing..and that is to focus on my well being. Love all your videos, Rory ❤❤❤

[@Johnsmith47890]

I really needed this. I unfriended my ex on all social media because it felt like he was stringing me along and I was torturing myself by stalking his social media. For the first few weeks, I felt so happy. Rarely thought of him, when I did, I could easily brush it off. But now I’m back at square one. Whenever I leave the house and I see a car that looks like his, I panic (sounds ridiculous I know 😂) I cant stop thinking about him now. I’ve tried meeting new people but it just doesn’t feel right. I just want it to pass. I know he’s not coming back but my heart can’t let go of the hope.

[@annaserale9850]

YO RORY THANK YOU. MY EX JUST REACHED OUT AFTER A MONTH OF NO CONTACT!!!

[@TheLoveChat]

Congratulations!

[@joshuafoster9945]

Are you Psychic?? I am literally going through this right now! It’s been a year since we broke up!! And the past few weeks I have been feeling this way!

[@HibaSiddique101]

I’m so incredibly grateful for you. Listening to you is healing and the deepest catharsis. I feel so seen and heard. Just contextualizing and giving a sense of semblance to feelings that are sometimes just beyond comprehension. So so thankful for you

[@msenekra6702]

I had that moment yesterday out of the blue! Flood gates.. it’s been since January since the breakup... allowed myself to feel the emotions, went to workout and just be kind to me yesterday. Today is a new day and I am grateful for all that I have!! It’s a gift, 86,400 seconds everyday I open my eyes. Not allowing anyone to steal my joy!

[@jpgiles1725]

Wow, my breakup happened in January as well. I was feeling pathetic about myself since it's been 6 months. I'm glad someone else is in the same boat as me. Namaste!

[@jpgiles1725]

I mean I'm not glad you're hurting too. I just feel not alone. Wanted to rephrase that. But we got this!

[@msenekra6702]

The Breakup Guy... It hurts and acknowledging those emotions instead of burying them. I’ve worked on healing that by meditation, working out, seeing how much I truly have in my life and practice grace & gratitude. Spending time alone and getting to know me... I am grateful for him leaving as it allowed me to come to many realizations and truths... we love hard because we have that to give... some people don’t have that to give. A lot of lessons..many of which I don’t want it repeated. I took a step back from dating in 2020 so that I can see 20/20. Staying in my light and shining it areas that needs healing... sending you much love and light! WE GOT THIS!! Live in truth and in your light!!!

[@jpgiles1725]

@@msenekra6702 don't ever bury your emotions. You need to feel it to heal it. I've also got really big into meditation this year. I've started learning about the chakras and everything else. Meditation really helps. I'd recommend trying the love manifestation meditation by Aaron Doughty when you feel ready again. I tried it and met someone shortly after trying it, however I wasnt ready to date again, so I didnt put any effort in that relationship(only lasted 2 weeks) keep doing you! Someone will see you the ways your ex couldn't. Sending much love and light your way as well!

[@msenekra6702]

The Breakup Guy Love Aaron & Dr Shefali’s work!!

[@armieestrong7059]

WOW! Once again Rory, on the fricken dot!! 😂 Its been exactly 5 months, I've been working on myself, doing all the things, even dated a little bit!! And yet there are some days where that relapse hits. So perfect timing!!

[@lols5851]

Update?

[@LC-hq9pd]

It's been almost 2 years of the "Break Up/Hot & Cold/Ghosting" I did the "NC/Radio Silence" and "BLOCKED" the Ex from Everything!!! Found out he's stalking me somehow...Trying to move on and "Do The Work On My Self"

[@melvindavis9392]

Can you talk about break ups and Cluster B partners? I recently discovered I am codependent, I understand what that is now, and I can't even imagine how many people just don't know what's wrong.

[@TheLoveChat]

This would be a really interesting topic! I'll do some research!!

[@cherrybacon5154]

Sometimes, when I feel more positive about myself as I continue no contact and self love, I feel like reaching out to him m. It's a strange uncanny feeling I get. Then suddenly reality comes back within a moment of seconds and I stop myself. 🍒

[@gokusaber5812]

Almost 4 month of no contact now. My ex has reached out a few times and I passively rejected her because I couldn't bare the pain of remembering her cheating on me. However, I can't get her out of my head, she's always there. I ache to go back to her, but I know she's gonna hurt me like she always did. These relapses suck, specially when you thought they were the one.

[@lols5851]

Did you ever expect your ex to reach out to you?

[@jchtam3724]

Thank you, I'm experiencing this now six months in.

[@pinaopina]

I already came to terms with the pain of missing my ex as normal. I just deal with it when I have a withdrawal. 🤷‍♀️

[@charliemvrphy]

Rory, you’ve gotta make a video about what to do when your ex constantly brings up the relationship or breakup whenever they reach out!

[@TheLoveChat]

Boundaries, John! Email is coming soon.

[@charliemvrphy]

The Love Chat I appreciate you Rory! Thanks!

[@DenTan30]

I had relapses couple of times before. I have them for about a day or two. When i have them, I don’t deny it. I cry when I need to and talk to a close friend about it. Then, I remind myself that I have been doing well and this is just an emotional hurdle I have to get over to be better again. The only thing to remember during relapse episodes: don’t be too hard on yourself for your feelings. They are valid. You will learn to cope better every time,

[@sommerazzo1585]

After almost 2 years i have my days that are harder & I think back to all the good times.. esp after so long you forget about the bad moments bc they fade away.. it sucks but its emotions and i thank you rory for this video bevause i really needed it! Sometimes its ok to feel what you feel? Or is it? Im talking to a very nice attentive guy that treats me so good but i cant help but think of an ex who didnt care & left! Why?!?! So strange! Its almost like this guy isnt my ex & then i go back into time thinking of me & my ex! Anyone else relate to this?!?!

[@ShannonThor.]

I cant imagine. This month will be 1 year no contact. I cant even think about dating.

[@jessicahernandez1853]

Almost 6 months after the breakup and I'm having a relapse again. I was feeling really good these last 2 months and now I'm dreaming about him every night, missing him so much etc. I've been doing no contact for 5 months, I just replied to an email he send over a month ago about a money he has to pay me and that's it...I hope this feeling goes away soon, still doing my things but it's hitting really bad again...

[@nelsonbrooks9527]

after 6 months now, i think i am experiencing the relapse.. been kept awake at night thinking what i could've done or said instead..being tempted to check their social media (but so far i haven't done it)..the fight is hard, but I'm fighting..hopefully this is gone soon..

[@lols5851]

Update?

[@aliacoo]

Going through it now, two years later.

[@juliaw5838]

Hey Rory, can you do a video on how to handle the ex's things if we still have them months after the breakup and there's been no contact since?

[@gatheryerosebuds9]

I'm so glad you did a video on this. I'm well past it at this point, but months 4 & 5 were hell and compounded by bad advice from well meaning friends. It was really disheartening. When I found this was normal in an earlier Love Chat video was huge in my recovery. I know this will help even more folks. Thank you!

[@abbelabbe7912]

Thank you, you have realy helped me geting back to myself after a breakup, iw been in No contact for 2 monthes and i have never felt beter. I have started working out and doing all things i previusly have put on hold, from being kind if lazy i have become someone who simpaly just start doing thing without any excuses. And have to thank you and the dating guy for taking my life back.

[@detBits]

Thanks man! It's REMARKABLE how much I've healed these last 9 months, but then.. I had a dream about them last night and while it didn't put me back to months 2-5 it was bothersome. Timely video is timely :)

[@TheLoveChat]

Keep it up! You're doing great!

[@sandiptaganguly2538]

Thank you soo much Rory..I had a painful breakup just 7 months ago that is when i found this channel..it helped me a lot in those times how you explained that its a journey to make ourselves better..i tried and it helped really..am almost 90% healed..but yea i started missing him suddenly..i didnt know why it was happening..but you said in this vedio that its normal that gave me an assurance that maybe am in the track..thank you Rory

[@kartikeybhardwaj492]

I am three months into the break up and working on self improvisation and she finally reached out to me on monday after 45 days of nc beacsue i guess she is observing me and she told me " you are doing great, i know you are working your ass off " she also told me that wants me to be strong in such situation and keep on doing what i am doing. And then i asked her " since we both want to improve things, so lets just put efforts from both sides to overcome this hurdle and aim for the best. She replied " YES "🤩🤩. And told me that " you are doing great so far. And also i feel she has stopped avoiding me now and i will wait for her to make her efforts which i think she will put but it will take time.... As she knows now i am doing great

[@mikesetzer9379]

The timing for this is great, nobody in my life wants to hear it since I'm overcoming Narcissistic abuse leaving me isolated. Guess I just miss making her laugh

[@casperincityboy867]

This is exactly what I’m going through right now, me & my ex broke up 8 months ago, since I’ve lost 45 pounds, got a new car, dating several women even dating a beautiful girl right now, i am in a better place but still I catch myself thinking about my ex. It doesn’t hurt as bad but i still can’t seem to forget & get over her.

[@ShannonThor.]

Would you get back with her?

[@lindakafexholli7085]

This video has put a smile on my face. Knowing that everything will be fine. Thank you Rory million times

[@lilasteeves3693]

Been 7 months and thanks to these readings it gets a wee bit easier. Oh I know it's all over but the hurting. I'll get there. Be glad when this is all over. Thank you your a life saver. Many hugs to youxx

[@lolpasta1353]

i did the stupid mistake of purposely make my ex jealous and only realized its a bad idea when i watched your no contact mistakes video , have i ruined my chances,?? p.s i haven't done it that much, just 4-5 Instagram stories over a span of a month also i love your videoss

[@gerardbiagan]

Couldn't have come at a better time. 7 months ago I was in a long distance breakup after a 5 year relationship in which 4 years we were physically together. I did no contact and felt amazing. I got fitter and happier. Then when she came home and we met, (I honestly thought she'd come back or we'll have closure). We talked, she got shocker how fit, calm, and relaxed I was. But she confirmed my suspicions that she has a rebound. After that conversation with my ex, i feel like I have a relapse until now. I keep thinking that I could have done things in the relationship differently. Its almost a month since that meeting and Im trying to shake it off.

[@AndrejTman]

I saw my ex after 3 months at a party 3 days ago, she avoided me like I have the plague... I relapsed so hard, I cant sleep or eat, like I am at day one of the breakup... 😢

[@valkyrie3558]

This is exactly what's happening to me these days. I've been broken up with six months ago, and I thought I was doing well for quite some time. But now my anxiety is skyrocketing, I have some very serious board exams coming up, and I'm basically alone and studying all day long. I find it very hard not to think of my ex, especially since there's no bad blood between us... It's just me inside my head all the time and it's exhausting.. 😞

[@loubnaaitbelkacem8650]

The breakup squad 😃🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

[@TheLoveChat]

Nobody messin' with the breakup squad.

[@loubnaaitbelkacem8650]

I am gonna share this video with everyone I know!!

[@auroraa7326]

Keep getting that sinking feeling inside my heart. Googled medicine for emotional pain and it showed opioids, alcohol and marijuana.. Rolling my eyes

[@dominiccampana7385]

Had an odd (sort of) realization yesterday. Started crying when I got a snapchat memory from a year ago to the day, of me and my ex. Like a photo of us hanging out. It’s almost been 6 months since we broke up, and she almost immediately got in a rebound. I started crying at the snapchat memory, and saying “how could she do this to me” but then, I realized I wasn’t 100% crying over her. I was also crying bc of how much I had lost myself and the relationship became my life. I almost stopped crying immediately

[@TheLoveChat]

This is a very important insight!

[@dominiccampana7385]

@@TheLoveChat not exactly sure what it means. Any advice ?

[@wander4235]

You have no idea how much you helped me! Thank you Rory!

[@TheLoveChat]

Any time!

[@ricardoramirez7349]

hey man you really have a knack for these things. It has been 8 months since the last time we saw each other, she has tried to contact me but I have rejected that because I thought that everything had been left in the past and in the last 3 weeks that anxiety and memories returned. thanks for your videos they are very helpful

[@TheLoveChat]

I'm glad I can help, Ricardo!

[@bikepacker87]

So exciting! Both rory and craig have new videos. It's like talking to old friends 🙂 Thank you so much!

[@isaacs6159]

Relapsed 2 days ago, watched a couple of DG's videos and you streaming live yesterday. Coincidentally, DG also uploaded a new video about an hour after I got "triggered" into the relapse. A cooking video made me think of a friends and family bbq we'd attended together, he used a cooking technique that I used for my dish.

[@shamakiooglesby6418]

I have no idea how the universe knew I needed this but thank you so much for this Rory. I'm actively dealing with something like this right now... It feels weird to be back here mentally but I know it will pass eventually.

[@TheLoveChat]

You can do it!!

[@shamakiooglesby6418]

@@TheLoveChat oh I have no doubt.

[@sandylola4558]

Thanks a bunch ! I had a relapse and i was really frustrated but your vedio has motivated me alot and your words are clear & helpful i really appreciate this thxxx so much

[@kalzara2533]

Hey Rory, can you do a continuation video for slow fade? For example, during the last weeks you got slow faded that then lead to the breakup especially with all the free time they had bcs of quarantine. Tq Rory

[@TheLoveChat]

I'll look more into this! Thank you for the suggestion!

[@kalzara2533]

@@TheLoveChat thank you so much!

[@julco1761]

My ex was slowly fading me so I wished him well and walked away. So who broke up with who? Why do I now feel like the bad guy(girl)?

[@sademontague3696]

@@TheLoveChat yes! The samething happened to me. I would love a video on the slow fade that leads to the break up as well. THANKS Rory ☺

[@5Xlowe]

Yeah this happened to me today just couldnt shake it off just kept thinking of my ex

[@bystandersarah]

This happened to me 10 months later when I found out he was with another girl (even though we had still started talking again) and then it all came out that he had been cheating on me with her for the last 3 years of our long term relationship before we went on a “break”. So his reasons for wanting a break were bullshit. It’s like I have to start all over again and deal with the worst trauma of my entire life. Problem is he still wants me. I guess thats his problem now and not mine. But I still have feelings and major cognitive dissonance

[@mattydee1996]

September 27, 2019 - July 27, 2020: 10 months felt like so much longer. It particularly sucks having to deal with it during this pandemic. The days get better, but sometimes I relapse.

[@TheLoveChat]

You are doing great, Matt!

[@lynndub3527]

Thank you ...after a year I just got really bummed out today because after dating for 6 years I got dumped like a hot rock because I asked his high functioning alcohol pothead self to have a feeling .. I know I’m better off but it still hurts not one word from him at all I got erased

[@Georgia1981]

i think we should be thankful that they are not reaching out. i was with my ex for 18 years. he’s with his new shiny toy/supply. i guess that means that he doesn’t need me right now. i refuse to get used again anyways so i think it’s best that he just stay gone. my ex is a pothead who doesn’t want to work who also cheats and lies a lot. good luck to you. you deserve better.

[@sushmamangar6892]

This came at the right time love you Rory 💓

[@Terexzes]

This is exactly how i feel now!!! I've done so much personal work and then after a month of nc she wrote me a letter saying shes sorry, she misses me and love me but she still think it's the right call. And I kept moving forward, even had a tinder sex. Since then I dream a lot more about her, I miss her like I'm back at day 1.

[@zsuzsannasmith7941]

My boyfriend broke up with me almost three months ago... we were each other’s first love and dated for over three years. It is comforting to know others feel the break up pain... but also really scary to think that I may hurt for a really long time....

[@deanhamsah]

Its been 9 months for me , this really happen to me . But i just wondering why she block me everywhere ? I didn’t do anything wrong . Not even contact her . Is that 7 years together like nothing to her ? Haha

[@Joe-dt7wp]

Does these relapses also happen for dumpers who move on to another relationship (possibly rebound?) soon after the breakup?

[@mrcupcake5309]

Thanks Rory, I needed this a year after everything.