Bill Burr - Advice: Surprise We're Getting A Divorce

/ themmpodcast and billburr.com/ . Email Bill at -- [e-mail]

[@zeldagoblin]

People often say, "I know you don't give a shit..." when emailing Bill, and they're so wrong. He gets so invested in people's problems, especially when he sees young guys being screwed over by their women, or suffering from low mood or depression. He's clearly been there himself, and really wants to help. He absolutely does give a shit.

[@t-bonewrecks290]

He has fucks to give.

[@nohabloemojislosiento4930]

Bill's whole comedy routine, if you think about it, is giving such a huge fuck about everything that he needs to get it off his chest. Haha. He's a good shit, kid.

[@Valefolken]

"You don't need to fuck that guy over, he's gonna fuck himself over" Absolutely agree. Once the divorce happens, she's gonna run to that dude, and it's going to fuck up his relationship with his girlfriend. You're just passing him a live grenade. Pass it on and walk away.

[@soliquidsnake3990]

ManCave Mayhem *CLAP CLAP CLAP*

[@Blues307]

Probably the greatest thing I ever read.

[@Filiolus]

To quote louis CK: "When you're married.. You think to yourself holy shit, I'm married I can't leave.... and when you have kids with them you realize, holy shit I could have left!..." To any man married and wants to leave, without children. This is one of the best philosophical things to think about.

[@jaynegs76]

I'm gonna end my relationship, thanx Bill. I needed this. just listened to this again after a long time, thank you Dr. Bill.

[@rogerloves4025]

Give us a update did u dumped her?

[@simonling4644]

Update needed dude

[@caballo3739]

UPDATE NEEDED

[@Rme-si7ln]

UPDATE FUCKING NEEDED!!!!!!

[@jaynegs76]

Since some of you guys want to know, we ended up working things out. We had a baby girl named Rosie. And this june 30th coming up will be the 1 year anniversary of my wife dying in a car accident while we were moving to our new home upstate NY. Hasn't been easy. Hug the people you love because you never know. Take care everyone.

[@JP-ATV]

Wow Bill, you saying "walk away" with so much power and such honesty is touching. Need to have more people like you on this planet...You really do seem to care and you really seem to be a good fucking person.

[@phillytheflyerable]

like music to my ears

[@garymaccagnone3669]

No matter how good you treat them, they'll pull out the "unhappiness card." Just walk away.

[@asparrow9876]

AAAAMEN. #MGTOW

[@gibsonindistress418]

The Wave looks like u were raised well

[@lMrFresno559l]

Typical women. Cheats on her partner and then blames HIM because she is unhappy. She isnt unhappy. The minute they find another dude that shows them attention, its done.

[@man61x]

the thing is..... they find (ANY) dude that show them attention.... its over in the egg... even if the guy lives 500 miles away... is a fucking alcoholic douchebag... and has a record 2 inches stacked.... im gonna laugh my ass off so bad when she gets off her dream cloud....

[@redfather5342]

Imagine if it was the other way around

[@RickySteels]

Typical humans*

[@haselbasil2488]

@@redfather5342 yea, it happens all the time.

[@NatsaryahTX]

A woman that tells you she is "unhappy" means that she already has another man that she is interested in or has already been screwing around. Women get rewarded for cheating, when you get divorced.

[@tabula_rosa]

+GRAHF Orrr she's unhappy and at least mildly honest and mature

[@badazzmaro]

+Deshara mildly honest? she was on her knees talking dirty and probably got even more turned on the more she thought about how much she was betraying her husband, who she will use as long as she can.

[@tabula_rosa]

I bet you're a catch

[@NatsaryahTX]

nikada vise You sound like a miserable woman who is taking their anger out on people on the internet. Just look at all the insults you've thrown at me. You say I'm ugly and can't get sex (despite not knowing what I look like) You tell me I'm stupid, tell me to kill myself. Meanwhile after saying all that you call yourself the better person who deserves to live. All this because I said women are cheaters. You're making a fool of yourself.

[@jasondyrkacz8270]

+nikada vise So you're saying women are basically children trapped in an adult body since women can do no wrong?

[@andrewowsley2471]

As a 19 year-old, it's shit like this that makes me hesitant to get married.

[@Novashadow115]

Ehh, we are the same age. I gotta agree man. Scary shit

[@spongebobmx]

you should not be thinking about marriage for at least another 13 years. You are still a kid

[@Zach-Fetters]

spongebobmx and you adding the your just a kid negates your advice cause it seems like you demeaning him

[@krog875]

Andrew Owsley wait till you're in your 30s.

[@Nine-TailedFox4]

Dude fuck even thinking about that.

[@Smokie1960]

Wow!. If Bill hadn't been a great comedian, he definitely had a calling as a counselor. Great advice all the way through.

[@shizu-chan3942]

It's because he isn't a counselor that he can give good advice, because he isn't getting paid for it. He's doing it because he genuinely wants to and there is no financial factor to it at all. He's the real deal.

[@michaelsieger9133]

@@shizu-chan3942 you realize he makes money from doing his podcast right?

[@BingtheLizard]

There should be a website for relationship offenders. A photo or two of the offender's face, the length of the relationship, then a summary description of what they did, etc. Instead of "likes", repeat offenders could be given votes of shame by others who have been betrayed by them. Am imagining "Relationship status: Cheating Filth" if it was somehow integrated into Facebook...

[@RM-ur8ij]

Imagine a website/database that just has everyone's relationship stats, amount of times they cheated etc. Man that'd save alot of people

[@DA-to6gi]

You might be able to find that on the deep web a few decades from now...

[@fumothfan9]

You mean facebook lmao. Everyone always posts shit there for no reason

[@charley420]

@@fumothfan9 Ditching all social media may have been the best thing I could have done when my marriage went south. Makes it so much easier to get on with life and not get tied up in the stupid drama.

[@theonewhoknocks2809]

“Every girl wants a guy like you.” No they don’t lol.

[@Bonethugs90]

The One Who Knocks that’s what women say they want, but they don’t actually want it

[@Torquemadia]

Women don't "Want a guy like this", but they all claim they do.

[@littlehammerman]

Halfway through and waiting for him to say "get down the gym".

[@inpropagation]

I love when he says that. The gym is like my girlfriend. I make sweet love to her.

[@Marcus-gh8bh]

Yup. And also waiting for the “rub one out”

[@t.j.payeur739]

Love your metaphors and Jesuitical parables, Billdude. "We just heard the waterfall..." ... poetry, dude, pure fucking poetry..you rock

[@satans8937]

This exact thing happened to me pretty much, right down to the details. 8 years, best friends, shared all our interests, the bottling up of the emotion, unhappiness and then eventually doing shit with another guy just because he shows her attention. Luckily i was only engaged at the time, my ex at least had the decency to fuck the other guy before we were actually legally bound. I thank my blessings for that! And honestly, I didn't want to leave my ex either but that relationship was over. I hope you did too man. There's nowhere to go after she's cheated on you. Solid, solid advice from Bill here, you just have to move on. She's damaged goods, rightly put. I feel sorry for you and for all the other guys she's gonna fuck over.

[@Hi_I_am_Ed]

Holy fuck this guy was a better man than most of us. I sure as hell hope he finds someone he's happy with. Or has already found a new one (because the podcast seems to be quite old now).

[@tasintevin2429]

Women will rip your heart out, put it back in your chest, then you're like maybe she cares, only for her to shove a jagged rusty blade in it. Experience.

[@deanc2000]

To think, they dated for 4 years prior to this. I only got 2 words: Prenuptial Agreement.

[@verticalhorizon4633]

deanc2000 Always.

[@richardbotellio1095]

+deanc2000 worthless two words, a judge can simply tear it up and throw it out. The only two words that would help stay single.

[@amozoness6]

It's bizarre that so much anguish (men) and entitlement (women) exists because of a hole. Nothing else.

[@johnhein2539]

That turning on the bedroom lamp again...scary shit.

[@gello8518]

Fuck that.

[@enriquemontenegro5222]

That’s exactly how my ex broke up with me. Gave me chills listening to this

[@boblbert]

bill your a f**king genius..always great advice from you

[@cetti4405]

Real Things: She didn't and doesn't really love the guy. Someone saying that they aren't happy speaks volumes and no amount of counseling is going to change that. And Bill hit the nail on the head around 8:09....

[@mohamedabdurahman7178]

listening to these stories really sucks. makes me wonder if I'll ever be in his position. I already listen to too much if these stories and it's soon gonna make me a paranoid guy.

[@collintaddiken1400]

I'm already there man, I don't understand how people can be so unfaithful

[@man61x]

I thought I wrote that.... thanks Bill... I did walk away lol

[@santana3212]

Was it really you that wrote that email to Billy Red Face?

[@man61x]

santana3212 no... but I had the same story

[@enriquemontenegro5222]

Same shit happened to me, detail to detail. I’m glad I walked away. Best thing that’s ever happened to me. Bless up kings 🙏🏻

[@Daniel_B79]

In my opinion if the idea of counseling comes up then it's already over.

[@caucasianafrican1435]

I would DEFINITELY tell the other guy's girlfriend. Then, I'd try to hook up with her.

[@TheTurinturumbar]

Why would you only give oral when cheating, you're not getting anything so you're hurting the person you supposedly love for nothing?

[@cmb132]

She lying

[@marquesmartinez730]

Listening to the podcast and all these guys emailing about the women they're with, it's really making me bitter towards LADIES! Maybe this isn't so healthy after a breakup

[@Cj-xt6tv]

ME TOO. It’s not good tho as it’s an echo chamber

[@atkhan]

She appears to be yearly bipolar

[@badazzone1]

she is cheating on him with a guy at moment.

[@THECHAOSEMPEROR]

NEVER get into a relationship, there will always be problems, and you`ll be blamed for it regardless, if it was your fault or not, you`ll also be expected to do something about it. It`s not worth it.

[@rationalmystic5]

this segment is the reason i will be fucking surprised if bill burr gets divorced.....

[@evannpuskas3184]

He must make a lot of money and she is just toughing it out long enough to divorce this doormat.

[@SWIFTzTrigger]

Why is he a doormat?

[@xcidgaf]

@@SWIFTzTrigger most guys are

[@LukeReed627]

'She's "Damaged Goods" ' - Spot on, and the fact that they had no kids meant he could get out free and clear - that is a massive plus. Still, he signed the marriage certificate so I expect she took a chunk out of him...

[@dylankane9709]

She’s gone. And we couldn’t do nothing about it. HA

[@TrebTrails]

Solution: Don't get married. Shit, don't even date for that fact. If you need someone else to be happy, you need to take a step back and reevaluate your life. The only person you can trust in is yourself, all else is a setup for hardship and potential lifelong damage to your health, finances, and mental well-being. People are assholes and don't know what they want, so don't go on a Disney movie marathon and think living 'Happily ever after' is anything more than a fairytale.

[@XxLaingYxX]

The echo makes Bill sound like Gawd

[@noybbyon3995]

.

[@Hiihtopipa]

@@noybbyon3995 .

[@thedavecorp]

Here we go.

[@vittoriagnecchi5783]

She is breaking up with him at glacial speed - she wants out

[@TheFiveHKAAV]

this is the first time i disagree with Bill. Every woman does not want the family man, they only say they do. every "nice guy" winds up like this. Notice every guy who is an "asshole" has at least one girlfriend, usually more.

[@georgexanthopoulos3003]

If the point is to just "have a girlfriend" then you are right. But many guys aren't ok with just some meat to fuck, they want more. And if she didn't want the family man, she shouldn't have married him. It was obvious from the start what kind of guy he was, they were dating for years before getting married.

[@oldschoolrock4evr]

Bill Burr should be a counselar, there so many people caught in their own traps over and over again i had a friend that wen back to this broad 4 fucking times!!!! and every time she broke down crying!!! there s just no helping people like that and there s no 1 time mistake EITHER YOU RESPECT EACH OTHER OR YOU DONT thats it , And this culture these days everything is hard to do and nothing is worth the trouble so relationships are harder every decade...sad

[@lallen1395]

This was great. I have so much respect for you, Bill, it's great to see someone who's known not treat their fans like pieces of shit. Good for you, being a good person.

[@danielbrown1724]

Sorry but this bloke is clueless!! Sucks he got hurt but he should have seen warning signs the last 8 years 🙄

[@michaelmusso8173]

Shit like this happens because everyone pressures people to get married and shit out babies like it's the end all and be all of life. The MRA and feminists are right about marriage. IT SUCKS (for most people). Most marriages one person ends up being a slave, a punching bag, or a cuckold or all three. Ask any habitual cheater or asshole who treats their spouse like garbage, male or female, why they even got married and it will be some societal guilt trip.

[@garymaccagnone3669]

Today, a lady marries one man who she knows will provide for her. Then, she picks out her lover. If the provider finds out, what does she have to lose? The courts give her everything and she keeps her lover. That's why you don't get married. Don't be the wimpy husband. Be the other guy, the, "bad boy" guy that women love.

[@noybbyon3995]

Wimpy husband? Bullshit, the wimp is the "bad" boy with zero impulse control or respect for other people.

[@garymaccagnone3669]

Brian Nelson That dude is what your girlfriend, or wife, is dreaming about. No lady dreams of her balding, chubby husband who stuffs handfuls of Cheetos into his mouth while sitting on the couch. Become the other guy and you won't be wearing the cuckold horns.

[@garymaccagnone3669]

***** My ex has a job and I'm still paying her - which amounts to charity.

[@garymaccagnone3669]

***** The law sucks money from the wallets of men. Many feminist lawyers are living cozy lives from the earnings of hard working men.

[@Marcus-gh8bh]

“the unhappiness state of the union meeting” lmao

[@BlackMambakins]

To the guy if he ever reads this... There IS light at the end of the tunnel and like Burr said don't carry that to your next relationship. On a side note the exhasbeen of mine is living with a porker with 7 kids from 7 different guys... Karma is mofo funny sometimes! Karma eventualy gets bastages like that. Good things come to good people eventually. Good luck and hope you find a nice girl and Burr is right all girls are looking for a guy like you! TC

[@GingerCaddy]

Shit like this happening to others and myself is why I'm terrified of marriage, even though I want to marry. I'm 34. There are only four married couples among my friends that I look at positively. Like 95% of marriages are trash.

[@mbgaju]

word up man. I don't get dudes who are 'angry' 'frustrated' 'pissed' at what a woman says or does, esp in a relationship, they naturally do that, this is why you should never take it serious no matter what she says, positive or negative. 'you're the best thing to happen to me' 'fuck you weak ass fool', none of that should affect you. Its what they do, go from one emotional state to the next. a woman is a kite, you should be the tree stump which she's tied to. #Don'tKissTheseHoesOnTheMOUTH!

[@Traveler98_]

This is why I’m so scared to be married to anyone because even the sweetest “angels” fuck around

[@stagnant-pg6zr]

Sounds like the marriage I was in I wasn't perfect I fucked up in the beginning but we were not engaged the alcohol and her not wanting to be intimate with me months at a time I felt lonely I needed her but the feeling of not being wanted made me act on impulse so for her I quit drinking cold turkey went to AA meetings while out of town for work and continued going to meetings went 4 years strong and towards the end of our marriage she hit me with that she thinks we should divorce come to find out she had been in touch with her ex that verbally and physically abused her when they were dating never once did I raise my hands or insult her I'm not a Coward grew up watching my dad beat my momma that isn't what I wanted to be so without getting angry I looked her in her eyes and said your a grown ass woman you make your own decisions she left to her mom's house I packed my clothes and left broken but I'm still here breathing...I promised myself never again will I be put through that...so now I just work and take care of my momma

[@darianwillis8520]

I listen to this once a long time ago I'm going through this exact situation right now and it's really funny that I found this video again it was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you Bill and I hope you never stop doing these

[@Cj-xt6tv]

Can this man even read?

[@dallassylvestre8155]

Once a cheater always a cheater

[@kpjlflsknflksnflknsa]

this is fucking horrible.

[@christianc.christian5025]

Yeah, she wrapped her head around it all too.

[@randyfletcher86]

It's like Lord of the Rings here... XD

[@aluapzurc2]

8:36 No they dont, thats why hes getting a divorce.

[@Chijiru]

+aluapzurc2 That's the point he was making with that.

[@Sutherlinite]

5:27 "Don't bother with clownseling" -- exactly.

[@georgexanthopoulos3003]

Although not the most articulate person on the planet, Bill actually gives solid relationship advice. I find myself completely agreeing with him like 99% of the time. Awesome comedian and person.

[@bobcharlotte8724]

A female friend once told me, you have to take female tears with a grain of salt. "Our ability to turn it on and off is scary and I'm warning you about that.. Always be aware.". Sound advice.

[@jcasetnl]

Jeez, core problem here is this guy is just too sensitive. She clearly doesn't like to talk or be emotional, so they're different right there. He's killing himself trying so hard to be the perfect husband based on media bullshit. The one thing he clearly isn't is a bad boy, and she clearly wanted some bad boy.

[@pidouble145]

"I love spending TIME buh buh JESUS CHRIST DUDE GET TO THE FUCKIN' POINT!" lol

[@andrewt6338]

Jesus Christ dude. Run. Get out of there. You will never make that woman happy.

[@gate5680]

Ok... when Bill says it's like Lord of the Rings here.. I was introduced to a while new sensation. Ever laughed while drinking a very strong Gin Gimlet and have it come out your nose? Neither have I, but guess what? IT FUCKING HURTS.. A LOT. THANKS ASSHOLE.

[@Clembo]

>getting married NOPE

[@Munisk52]

Is Bill still making these podcasts? Can I still write to him somewhere?

[@ojosepedrorocha]

TheReal Minus25 Yes, he is still doing them. You can probably see the e-mail adress on his site

[@laleau92]

Dude I am not even sure why he got married to her. It was bond to be a disaster, especially with a woman who can't even communicate properly and openly. She involved her mom in that shit which isn't a horrible thing to do, but exempts her from taking responsibility for her marriage. If a woman can't communicate her grievances properly, then you should avoid her. The strength of any relationship lies in communication and if she can't do that then it is only a matter of time before her pent up and consciously unaddressed frustrations blows up in your face.

[@georgexanthopoulos3003]

Well said, sir.

[@velando75]

This shit made my eyes water..

[@maddscyentist3202]

Forgive? Yes. Forget? Hell No.

[@FuherJoeBeezy]

And never give a woman 100% of you, because once she has it she won't want it or you anymore. Always make them work for it. Make their lives a never ending journey of trying to attain every crevice of your being. It'll keep them busy. When a bitch ain't busy she'll wander.

[@Maria-le5jp]

Being unhappy is zero reason for cheating. I'm gonna take a guess that this woman is just one of those people that love the rush of a new romance. And once they are in a relationship for too long, they get unhappy and bored until they move on to the new one. They've literally only been married for a year, and that should be the honeymoon phase. Dude needs to let her go and be happy.

[@seanjohnston848]

God, if Bill weren't a comedian he probably should have become a counselor. His advice is always spot on.

I've had the best luck with women who are in a relationship. Not what I was looking for specifically, but women like to be unfaithful for the rush. && you don't date those women either, because they'll just as easily turn around and cheat on YOU.

[@a.fee-oh1328]

Bill says "you're the guy women want", I disagree. Women want a fixer upper. A guy that causes them drama and anxiety. Someone they think is a challenge. Most of the time relationships start this way. The guy is difficult and emotionally engaging her feelings. After awhile men tend to get soft, she gets bored. Since women never stop looking for a new man eventually one comes along that is just as much of a challenge as her current man used to be, and she acts on it. Women are emotional not logical and this story says it perfectly.

[@Ja50nkAt]

This is why I can't get married, if this happened to me I would unalive her and the guy she went down on and then i'd be in prison the rest of my life and that's no good.

[@imbored4615]

Yo wtf. I would have started to record she saying she did it, packed my/ hers (if it's your house) shit as soon as she finished talkin and go full tactical warfare on divorce strategies

[@MrBlazzin101]

That's bullshit they all say they want MR. Nice guys, till they have him and they treat you like shit. Pppffftt been there done that.

[@caucasianafrican1435]

Again, time to watch "Divorce Corp" the movie is before getting married!

[@kikikiran5481]

i would love to know what the update is on this story

[@guisspino]

Lol I love how excited Bill gets when he guesses the problem

[@JohnDoe-ev9kt]

Will never change. Go your separate ways - or live with it. Choose now and stick to it. Done.

[@Hiihtopipa]

Yeah, its that easy 😂

[@Zoologic21]

I fucking love the Goodfellas reference.

[@americanhealthcaresurvivor]

"Watch what they do, not what they say" When you treat them well, they hate it in my experience. Then you act like an asshole and they're madly in love with you. Then they wonder why we say they're crazy lol.

[@Blake_.Dryden]

Bill's actually a damn sage

[@jungshin87]

This is truth.

[@FuckGoogle2]

Communication is key, being with a silent woman will kill your soul dead!

[@Marcus-gh8bh]

This poor bastard. He cried together with his wife.

[@mau4604]

This is why you don’t get with damaged women.

[@slamdangles]

100% true. They just aren't worth the time. The only ones that AREN'T like that, don't take care of themselves enough to spend the time on them and aren't attractive enough to date anyways! Just get a dog and find a spa that offers "full service" (basically a brothel) and you'll be fine.

[@jcasetnl]

When a woman talks to others instead of you, particularly when you're actively trying to get her to (many times), that means she doesn't want to work it out. SHE'S LOOKING FOR VALIDATION FROM THEM TO END IT. Read the writing on the wall, sack up and move on. That was his choice to make and he was too scared to pull the trigger. Neither of them dealt with it right, he just gets to believe he was the good guy because he tried to work it out. She was a b*tch, he was a wimp. Life goes on.

[@Crawlerjamie]

This broad

[@Pillowcase]

oh man - hearing the first part of how he's all happy and she's all sad - I totally called it that she had cheated. And the thing for her would be that every time he talked about how good it is, it would just drive home that spike for her in her mind... sucks.

[@slamdangles]

Dude don't even give them 30%! They aren't worth it! I really hate sounding misogynistic but it's totally true. They just lie and use you.

[@jcasetnl]

Finally someone gets it. You don't have to be a douche but you cannot be a pushover. When this guy kept going back over and over, especially given she was the one that the blew it, he basically held up a big sign saying, "abuse me all you want, I'll take it." He should have said, "Look, you fucked up but this one time I will forgive you so make up your mind or I'm out the door."

[@jcasetnl]

I said they're "too different" and that's why it couldn't work out. Sounds like she still had some oats to sow and he wanted the white picket fence. He should have seen that, stopped blaming himself or trying to "fix" himself (or her), and move on. If a guy cheated on his girl and the girl stuck around, you'd be saying "stupid woman, why don't you leave?" Same holds true for a man. You stick around and let her abuse you, what's that make you?

[@slamdangles]

Ehh it's just the negative view towards women isn't accepted in this society just yet, which is weird because most guys you talk to agree

[@brendanthebdog]

If this is the type of guy that women want they wouldn't be getting cheated on en masse.