Bill Burr - Advice: Afraid To Break Up With Girlfriend

/ themmpodcast and billburr.com/ . Email Bill at -- [e-mail]

[@Snugglypatchvids]

I love how he makes every problem is own and starts getting mad at the person the questioners talking about.

[@investigate3_11]

I do the same thing. Isn't it natural to put yourself in the narrator's shoe? I thought that was common?

[@anonymousbo0318]

@@investigate3_11 No, its not. You seem narcissistic

[@investigate3_11]

@@anonymousbo0318 You seem stupid.

[@collinjoey3931]

i guess im asking randomly but does any of you know a method to get back into an instagram account?? I was stupid forgot my account password. I would appreciate any tips you can give me

[@zanderraylan8518]

@Collin Joey Instablaster :)

[@waddellkate101]

Never ever stay with somebody out of guilt it's nothing but a dead weight where you just dread seeing that person and they feel like a burden on your freedom.

[@AngusStewart01]

So true

[@wolfwithin2967]

Absolutely

[@michaelsieger9133]

And you eventually grow to resent the person, it shows, and they don’t know why. It’s bad for both parties.

[@purugigi]

So true. Good thing I recognized that with my ex

[@damo9961]

All relationships become this though, it's called marriage :)

[@Phamster92]

I was dying at "You'll find out in 5 miles!"

[@winkles2314]

That 'breakup suit' bit fucking killed me.

[@dwprado25]

Fucking hilarious!

[@Ghost-fe1vp]

I lost the ability to function for a few seconds.

[@GAZAMAN93X]

Ghost 1111 same. 😂

[@cheeseonamonkey]

I look it up a couple times a year

[@cronaldopwns]

"Hey, watch this!" hahaha

[@rowanb4395]

+Deco20 If someone ever does that...

[@ashkrikorian5753]

+Deco20 That was the funniest shit ever

[@AyazyamMedia]

Bill Burr is one of those guys who is funny without even trying...genius

[@805fillmore]

yeah which makes him one of the greatest ever.

[@dbfro1]

"what is she gonna do, bodyslam you?"... I gotta be honest, there have been times where the post-breakup drama and guilt trips, incessant calls/texting, and awkwardness amongst shared friends just got to a point where I, if given the opportunity, would have absolutely taken one bodyslam instead of having to deal with all that bullshit.

[@kensokid6900]

" this is all gonna make sense in about 5 miles".....LOL!!!!

[@definitelynotnolan]

The next time I'm breaking up with someone, I'm definitely throwing in Bill Burr ads into it.

[@D2attemp]

I wish I listened to bill burr 5 years ago

[@Tokengoldguy]

+D2attemp Same. Look at it this way tho, people like you and I can binge watch this shit. I love this advice Bill is so good, looks at things from everyone perspective and doesn't jump to conclusions. Will kill to have a beer with the guy and a Cigar. Ohhhh Geeeezuusss

[@phillytheflyerable]

he should visit schools and give speeches to boys. men are worth more, but we settle for alot of bullshit because single men are considered to be werid losers

[@jizzcupcake6323]

Life lessons are learned here at the monday morning podcast lmao

[@ryanralph7494]

Right. I would of been divorced a couple years sooner I'm sure

[@spg4770]

D2attemp me too.

[@domallen1451]

"when its sunny out and shes just aauueeegghh!" 😂😂😂😂😂

[@ValerieH2040]

LOL The start with the breakup suit has me in tears.

[@AngusStewart01]

It's a smart idea

[@VictorLopez-ht3nb]

Jose Quezada you must be fun at parties

[@frarfarf]

Is Bill's generic impression of a woman the funniest thing on the planet? Yes, it is.

[@charliehustlenflow]

yes it is other barry, yes it is.

[@frarfarf]

charliehustlenflow huh?

[@charliehustlenflow]

i take it you dont watch archer. i highly recommend

[@grungical]

It sounds like jim gaffagins

[@rsimmons41407]

Is Mr. Burr the funniest comedian of all time? Yes, he is.

[@gonzisonsbc]

This is like dismantling a bomb. LOL

[@brixtonmystery]

SO TRUE 🤣🤣🤣

[@einhornisaman2973]

Bill cracks me up, he'll begin to give his thoughts on the subject and after a few sentences the ADD kicks in and he starts on complaining about other things, like his mind wanders. I'm the same way Bill!

[@americaninsurgent4403]

That's the best part... his side stories make it amazing.

[@lwnf360]

"How awful were your parents?" hahahaha!

[@Xcorgi]

Bill Burrs patented "here's your box of shit and goodbye and shut the door in the bitches face" breakup. Classic!

[@mbelma6329]

"Hey watch this" *rolls out of car*

[@DjProdigy909]

The best advice ever. This was my exact situation and i finally ended it. Definitely a weight off my shoulders👌

[@lucidstargirl]

bill predicted macbook air.

[@fuckgoogle792]

Karin Castro Studio ive never owned an apple product. never will.

[@freebee8221]

Iv been listening so much bill burr stuff lately that im startin to talk like him.and I love it

[@SteelerNationTX]

Ohhhhhh geeeee zusssss

[@AngusStewart01]

I've been doing the same thing since 2013

[@americaninsurgent4403]

I noticed Im saying " fuckin " a ton more. I'm not even trying to either wtf

[@robbybolo9088]

Thank you 🙏, so glad to have heard this. Going through a tough time and definitely needed to hear this

[@dylanmason4235]

Did you bounce that whoooooor

[@kreglfromworld]

Lmao the way he painted the picture with the whole "I'm not happy"

[@devinplayseverything3764]

This one made me feel good, dealt with a similar situation recently, glad to know Bill would have agreed with my decision

[@Shigellosis]

Bill: "I need to stall so this could take as much time as possible" Listeners: _joke's on you I'm into that shit_

[@Servbot42]

Lmao at 8:25 I'm gonna use an advert when I break up with the next chick.

[@_jadori_175]

The "breakup suit" is soooo funny!

[@MelodicMizeryPs3Vids]

one last thing always dump a girl your not happy with because if you stick with her through her hard times, when she gets happy she will drop you quicker then a new york minute

[@alwaysyouramanda]

MelodicMizeryPs3Vids that’s specific

[@ethanzif9008]

Bill was really on point with the iPad commentary. He predicted it.

[@yossarian1633]

Let her drive? Obviously Bill has never seen the movie Vanilla Sky.

[@snatchadams69]

Lmao

[@ToGetToTerrapin]

yossarian1633 or "The Godfather"

[@Xcorgi]

yossarian1633 Vanilla Sky was not a movie. It was a visual abortion.

[@gart76]

yossarian1633 that's what the suit is for didn't you listen?

[@The_realist_realtor]

bill burr never saw Vanilla Sky because he doesn't have shit taste in movies

[@howyanow4810]

'I know I'm breaking up with you but at least you can support the troops' 😂😂

[@jaylenlegrant7742]

That killed me

[@mrjakenorris]

Love the apple rant. Agree. Hey you don't need a CD/DVD drive. You don't need those keys on the keyboard. As long as it looks good in the shop. I don't mind a screen that's 1mm thicker.

[@peteranon8455]

You put all of her things in a box, it's the only way.

[@oldmanfromscenetwentyfour8164]

Ship it UPS, be sure to include and invoice, have them sign for it. LOL

[@Plinko779]

REMEMBER it’s not WHETHER you break up with someone but HOW you break up with someone. Broken hearts heal, sadness fades but words stick forever. As a woman who had just been broken up with in the most brutal way, I am trying to understand the male mind and how some of them can turn around and just treat women like shit at the end. I didn’t lie, I didn’t cheat and I paid half of everything, if not more, from the first date. Even if it was compatibility issues I would get that but it was out of the blue and he ripped me to shreds which was completely unnecessary. He said some things I will never forget. He turned into a monster overnight, couldn’t spare any empathy for 10 minutes. I understand what people mean when they say they had their heart ripped out because that is what it felt like. I’ve given up believing there are nice loyal men out there. Men complain about women but is just as painful for women getting walked all over and then walked out on. Maybe I should just become a complete bitch, maybe that will make men stick around.

[@timotg91]

Plinko779 I hope you’ve healed since. Bless ✌️

[@noushs8004]

Never love him more than he loves you.

[@patrickbateman7802]

One guy was a jerk to me,time to hate men and be a bitch......good logic.

[@tryambkesh2371]

Yeah bill here went completely out of his mind, what the fuck wrong that women (boy's girl in the letter ) do that he got so mad on her, just because she was depressed and going through a hard time, Bill fucked up in this one, if it was'nt his hangover he should hit his head with bottle, that girl is no dick here it is just that this guy ain't into her anymore and bill was being complete dick .

[@jsc5590]

"Hey Toots, bend over...and use your knees"...pure gold!

[@kylefer]

L O L 8:20 Best Product Placement EVER!!

[@oldmanfromscenetwentyfour8164]

First off, male or female, DO NOT keep any, I repeat ANY of your personal shit at the other persons apartment, EVER! It's YOUR shit, it should be in YOUR place. None of this, "I'll leave a change of clothes here just in case of ..." or "I'll bring my DVD player so we can watch movies." crap. Your stuff will just pile up, making any breakup more difficult. And sure as shit don't move in together, "It will be fun, we can have dinner every night, sex any time and just think of all the money we can save!", that shit gets old quick and no one has ever saved money moving in together, one of them (man or woman, doesn't matter) eventually becomes the dead weight in the relationship and it ends up costing more. Keep your shit, keep your space, keep your peace of mind.

[@SoularisSoul]

+Old Man from Scene Twenty Four Thank you. I needed to hear that lol

[@stuboy13]

So how long before you broke and moved her in..?

[@swill1020]

Old Man from Scene Twenty Four ....this is excellent advice coming from a guy whom had lost more shit than I have space for...

[@LuisMartinez-en8pf]

Pure fucking wisdom

[@scottsnbatalk3447]

If she doesn't have a lot of things then pack all of her stuff in a box, and bring the box by her place. Talk to her and say I'm done.

[@michaelmurphy1783]

Omg the dialogue of the last break up. He Killed it. I cant stop laughing

[@tinak.p.258]

Did I miss something here? She's often depressed - he does not want to be with her anymore. Ok. But how does she suddenly deserve being insulted and mocked like that in the process - that's not necessary at all in a clean break up. And - by the way- I think it is bad style to let HER come to the house only in order to be dumped there. If you want to break up with somebody, have the decency at least to go to their (!) place so that they can pull themselves together afterwards in a safe environment, and you can also bring the box with her stuff with you, so that there is no need to meet up again later.

[@MoonlightSnowPhantom]

Tina-Karen Pusse Bills a comedian

[@AustralianBushman]

Tina's spot on. Just wish my ex's did the same!

[@Xrayblazer3595]

Very similar to my current relationship problems i love these vids and it was kinda helpful

[@HendersonHinchfinch]

The part where he talks about putting on the break up suit and bailing out of the moving car is fucking priceless hahahaha

[@sisepuedemaybe]

Damn this was pretty mean even by Bill's standards lol

[@victorledezma6652]

Bill getting upset at an iPad not being a laptop is the funniest shit hahahaha

[@rcastellon55]

"Just roll out of the car." Lol

[@Nerefurian]

I stood and applauded when I read this comment. For truer words have never been spoken.

[@film_magician]

Someone tell Bill about the Mac Book air

[@MisterBones2910]

Film Magician Ah, but the Mac OSs are even worse than their mobile ones. Normally I wouldn't advocate someone buy one, but the Google laptop-things seem like they'd fulfill his requirements for a non-PC device quite well.

[@buttaonaroll]

It would have been funny at the end, when he was making all those Disney references, if he added, "don't forget your glass slipper!"

[@prison_wallet_thief]

Epic! "Lift with your knees"

[@azracore3974]

Bill Burr is absolutely my favorite person.

[@northhallbabe13]

When he starts tagging the advertisements hahahahaha fucking bill

[@SlickVega]

"Lift with your knees" LOL

[@bofa4608]

“And when you get that sad look on your face you look like a muppet” LMAO

[@TheBattledamaged]

Lift with your knees! 😂😂😂😂

[@scoobynga8708]

I love how he predicted the Mac book air

[@OneEyedJackNLD]

0:32 The break up suit

[@CamperCarl]

No joke, the whole "worst case scenario by (insert time here) you'll be past it" has helped me so many times in life it's unreal. And I have this red headed fuck to thank for it.

[@booognish]

That break up suit bit is great.

[@jacobp2690]

*Super informative information* followed by "Ya know?" Kills me now that ive listened to him lots.

[@johnnyarsonctXhc]

'lift with your knees'...... oh, burrs a savage

[@LegionOfEclaires]

Oh my god. That breakup suit. Folks will find a reason to breakup.

[@smokeyfreshhh]

Lmfao at jumping out the car on highway with helmet

[@matthewblanwilson]

The fact that she is still depressed shows that no matter what you do isn't going to make her happy. I've been depressed before and got into a great relationship and was no longer depressed , I was on cloud 9 , though I was under the impression she was a good girl .LOL if their is such a thing !

[@Tropyy]

the break up suit bit had me pissing myself lmfao

[@misterperegrine]

8:55 “…I know I’m breaking up with you right now, but you could-we could also support the troops. M’right?”

[@royalslack]

Best advice ever.

[@zeldagoblin]

True story, Bill. iPads are a massive pain in the arse.

[@5n00ze]

"but bah bah bah - BEAT IT! I got a couple cold brews in the fridge. " - lol cheers!

[@jwalker3835]

i tried the advertising at the end of the breakup speech. yeah, she shattered all my windows, stole my dog and then left lol crazy shit ive ever seen but i couldnt stop laughing. i should have taped it

[@traviscoates6878]

“The Breakup Suit”! Classic...Put the helmet on, “I don’t wanna date you anymore” and roll out of the car!

[@spikelee5622]

Bill is BRILLIANT

[@Phentes]

I swear I love bills lady voice 😂😂😂😂

[@perculiarponcho1]

'i know we're breaking up right now, but we could also support the troops'

[@BrutalMonkey]

This was the funniest shit I've heard out of all the podcast!!

[@joseph6270]

“Hey watch this”

[@caltrof]

"Those frosty fucking brews" That just made me thirsty

[@CosmosGamingChannel]

The bad part of his break up suit idea is that some ladies would stop and floor it in reverse

[@motomoto9597]

The helmet advice 😂

[@leissadlae]

Totally hilarious bill has been getting me through hell ! W/ w/ a smilelog term h*** apply his stuff all the time!

[@jasonzimmer7478]

A breakup suit 😂

[@MFRedeemerp2]

the 'break up suit' must be in bills live show

[@dallassylvestre7209]

Does anyone know how much Bill makes per comedy special? Or how much he makes for doing this podcast?

[@verticalhorizon4633]

Hysterical, Bill. Nearly clinical in your assessment.

[@aMANinaSUIT]

I agree with his views on the whole iPad thing.

[@justinbrutcher1579]

Professional Break Up Service. GREAT idea for a movie.

[@buisgolalas]

The break-up suit is pure genius

[@matternst2351]

its all gona make sense in about 5 miles

[@sissiradio]

I imagined that the protective suit was dark blue (and velvet). What color did you guys have in mind?

[@nicestmanevery9717]

Bill called it on the touch pad turning into a laptop

[@Reason_over_Dogma]

Wow, this dude is in the exact situaition I am. I asked God for a sign..and I find this in my facebook feed(I never get updates from bill burrs facebook! lol)

[@Hitbound]

Support the troops by breaking up? You are a genius!!!

[@blastchaos4286]

You know there are keyboard attachments for iPads right??

[@heemdoctah]

isn’t the laptop version of an iPad,, the Macbook?

[@cptnbennett]

0:34 - 1:30 is so fucking hilarious.

[@ShallowBeThyGames]

Really must shoehorn "Toots" into my repertoire.

[@MrPrestige350]

Your price charming is out there somewhere. He ain't in here! Thanks Bill, I'm using that one :)

[@rowanb4395]

All that advice.... Literally a fairy tale ending of doom analogy + 6 pack. Life.

[@claudefox2882]

had iPad's....never again.

[@alasdairmacintyre9383]

Bill they do make them as laptops. Theyre called laptops

[@danstone2226]

Bill Burr should be the star of the movie The Breakup Service. How good a flick would that be? He should write that film and Nia could help him.