Theo Reacts to Caller Who Slept With His Cousin

Excerpt from Cold Beach | TPW 413
Full Episode: • Cold Beach | This Past...
Find Theo Von:
Website: theovon.com
Instagram: / theovon
Facebook: / theovon
Facebook Group: / thispastweekend
Twitter: / theovon
Patreon: / theovon
KZbin: / theovon
#TheoVonClips

[@peterparker9214]

“Sex is the last thing you should be looking for at a family reunion” No truer words have ever been spoken 😂

[@p2bkp26]

please tell my brother that

[@bigcrackrock]

Sometimes it finds you

[@peterparker9214]

@Mark Asread lol so true 🤣 I’ve got some “cousins” on my step moms side of the fam so no blood relation to myself whatsoever…what’s the rule on that play?🤣🤣

[@noahprice1250]

Best shit is when Theo realizes that

[@mojojojo6400]

Lol

[@colin4958]

"I'm not judging you. I'm just saying everybody else is gonna" 😂

[@chaseellefson4726]

This is a classic line

[@shanebryant6478]

Theo is great a Iines like that. Like when He told Bobby mentals probably look up to him

[@mojojojo6400]

Lmao

[@thewildfolk6849]

Best comment ever

[@rangermclean3308]

@colon4958 Brodie I hit a female with this the other day when she said she likes open relationships 😂😂😂😂

[@santiagodiaz3358]

That awkward silence after Theo's "¿que pasó Hector?" was so painfully funny lmao

[@uriahdecarlo6491]

Yes...but he's playing a recording 😅

[@travisbarker5175]

@@uriahdecarlo6491 oh my god I didn’t realize but that makes much more sense lol

[@DickDarkie]

That makes it even better his producer is just leaving him out to dry 😂🤣😂

[@chriswhusker]

Oh, he knows.

[@ZippoGuy]

Lmao

[@joe56984]

This dude couldn’t have picked a better person for insight and moral clarity.

[@SchmuelGoldstein-mj8rk]

If he had called Stavros instead this call would have been a lot more degrading for the caller lol

[@diegoebustamante]

"You're going to give birth to something that's going to live in a lava lamp" 💀💀

[@anime-kun9231]

This man always says the dumbest shit but you get where he’s coming from😂😂

[@ykAaron.]

😂

[@wcc4269]

bub

[@stacksgillespie1818]

A little lava in em

[@ShawnFX]

little lava wont hurt

[@TexboyGamer]

Theo wanting to look up “incest rule of thumb” expecting actual results kills me

[@oak7746]

🤣 gang baby. what's the rule of cousin crotch

[@Pandadog1707]

The map they pulled up was exactly what he expected 😂

[@robertosanchez7304]

I think he was being sarcastic lol

[@JohnDoe69986]

@@Pandadog1707 daaaaaaamn

[@logansneed2882]

@@robertosanchez7304 he told him to Google it and did 😂 mf was being so serious

[@LoneStarViking90]

“You’re a good guy but you also seem like you could have some sexual predator issues.” Nicest way I’ve ever heard someone get called a sexual predator! Lmao

[@pavelrodriguez8476]

Como!!😂

[@solobo5823]

Im not judging you but, some people will!

[@OffGridInvestor]

At least it wasn't his first cousin. But he's making it sound like AN UNKNOWN second cousin is a sin? No it's not. Just don't want to make a habit of it.

[@joelman1989]

I literally died when he said that

[@timmiller1]

@@joelman1989RIP

[@johnnygonzalez736]

When he said “that’s when God throws his 2 cents.” I just started dying! Love you Theo

[@Ciclopea2]

You don't wanna babysit a lava lamp 😂

[@jttyler6419]

Dude that shit had me dying laughing 😂

[@CrystalBbyUSA]

From the title I thought the guy slept w Theo's cousin, not his own!

[@ztesch04]

Same

[@jordanharirchi4604]

@@OkieBadu lol it literally says that.

[@thechickensaladsandwichman9171]

I feel cheated

[@Frankieb2006]

I think we all did

[@mojomo9139]

👍🏻👍🏻

[@Tommy_Callahan]

This dude is surprised that he's related to a chick he met at a family reunion... I think he might've been the result of some cousin cuddlin

[@jpk9902]

probably

[@jungminlee197]

LMFAO "cousin cuddlin"

[@dannyg2197]

This is such a good point lmaooooo like bro why are you surprised you're actually related to a chick you met at a family reunion. In the entire world, if there's one place you're likely to meet a girl you're related to, it's at a family reunion!!!

[@floweuphoria69420]

@@dannyg2197 You guys are both thinking different things one of y’all that he met the girl at the family reunion and then one of y’all that he realized it was the girl at the family reunion

[@indeed260]

@@floweuphoria69420 No, both of them are thinking that he met his cousin at the family reunion

[@bpmgaming3351]

Says "I'm not judging you" but then absolutely going off with how the baby would look absolutely killed me lmao

[@danielsliwa1045]

“You don’t wanna babysit a lava lamp” Fricking gold 😂😂

[@Alraygun]

"That's where god really throws his 2 cents in"

[@gumerk.7721]

"Like damn"

[@nastynoles7946]

Lil extra spine on it 😂

[@whosZixi]

Ya know that things got an extra thumb near its ass

[@SmileOrangeWillow]

Can't stop laughing

[@jttyler6419]

When he he said "dayuumm"

[@RubeeRoja]

"I went to a family reunion, met a girl, hooked up, didn't realize she was family" I love that he received such a professional answer 😂

[@adamr9215]

Have you ever been to a southern family reunion? In the south, we believe that your kin folk are the family you are stuck with, but friends are the family you choose. So friends will usually be a part of a family reunion. I’ve had cousins trying to set me up with a friend that they brought to the family reunion. I’ve also had cousins asking me if the friends I brought were single. It’s usually smart to ask if someone is actually related to you, even more so with a big family where you may not know all of your relatives very well. I have dated women that I met at a family reunion, but I also knew in advance that they were friends of my family, and not actually related to me before I went out with them.

[@RubeeRoja]

@@adamr9215 I would definitely do my research before I made my move. Get some family tree info first. Haha.

[@adamr9215]

@@RubeeRoja You really are stupid, aren’t you?

[@HiGlowie]

@@adamr9215you have some awesome cousins if they are just bringing you potential poon

[@polly6896]

@@adamr9215you’re 100% correct, as someone who lives in the south that’s the way it goes. 1 family of 5 brings 9 people and you’re only related to 5 and they will try setting you up. Never done that myself but it’s accurate.

[@danesovic7585]

How is Zach not cracking up? This is the funniest shit I have heard in years. "Anybody getting of the bus in LA will make a stop at the reunion."

[@bansheexqueen]

“Damn, this little buckaroo’s got four rows of teeth ya know, and two of ‘em’s on his _butthole_..” Lorrrrrrrd.. Theo is too much 😂🤣

[@MKBMX1]

"If it's a family reunion you don't walk out with a phone number" lmfaooo😂😂

[@ibeentossinaunties]

“the rule of thumb with incest”😂😂😂😂

[@ntactime_w3488]

Anybody who thinks it’s anything other than DONT has a issue 😅

[@uriahl2331]

Only two per child.

[@Eye_Radiate_Light]

Second cousin is cool is the rule

[@Weberkooks]

@@Eye_Radiate_LightGenetically speaking this is true, Socially it's still a huge no no.

[@Eye_Radiate_Light]

@@Weberkooks Lol thanks for clearing that up for me. I was a bit confused before.

[@bigfootfighter4132]

“There’s a rule of thumb” (as if he’s about to explain it) “I don’t know what it is” Theo kills me

[@CPIVCR]

Theo, I think you are the best suited for these types of topics, integrity, vulnerability, and humility.

[@Burton82190]

The delivery of the rule of thumb making it seem like he had one and then asking to look it up was golden

[@SmileOrangeWillow]

I was screaming 😭

[@jman12123]

I think it depends on what browser you're using. Lmao

[@josephcremeans]

I do believe he had one but he thought twice about saying it because he knew it would make the left lose it.

[@Dinnerwiththeavilas]

Hahahaha “It’s a Mexican family reunion. There can be upwards of 2-6 THOUSAND people there. “. As a Chicano. That’s so true.

[@panthastaa34]

The big park in my hometown was ALWAYS packed on sundays with people barbecuing and grilling listening to music, such a great time! Theo wasnt wrong when he said Mexicans take those park days seriously lol

[@mikeflexx2151]

A Mexican family reunion someone always has to be fighting iykyk

[@margaritanavarrete1246]

Literally. I never dated Hispanic people. My dad always told us if you meet someone with the same last name they are more than likely related to you. I said oh hell nah! I'm dating out the race 😂😂 jk I didn't do it purposely, it's just what happened

[@taylorcoleman8097]

Shit had me cracking up 😂😂😭

[@emily4gov922]

It’s really fun being one of only three white people at a Mexican family reunion. I am so pale I just looked like the ghost of a cousin holding my clearly Hispanic daughter.

[@rattman-gy8hq]

Theo is the funniest “casually funny guy” on the planet 😂 I don’t even think he knows he’s being funny half the time

[@joelman1989]

lol he knows. He’s just mastered the dead pan

[@yasmines.9625]

my parents are second cousins and I can confirm that I was nothing more than a lava lamp for 18 years of my life before I went through photosynthesis

[@ShaolinRopeDart]

I actually think Theo is more qualified to answer this than just about anybody.

[@magicknight13]

LMFAOOO that's so true

[@clorozweepvmundosalazar5153]

💀

[@pri5645]

“I think it depends what’s browser you’re using” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@josephcoeries]

😭🤣😭🤣😭

[@judge7866]

"and that's when God throws his 2 cents in" 😂😂 this guy is hilarious

[@maxheadroom607]

Theo is the proper person to go to for cousin fucking advice

[@MrsDuckworth]

Bro I just discovered this man and I can't stop laughing. The things he says are just ridiculous but smart at the same time 😂😂😂

[@mikemc6761]

Dude, you are way behind, but better late than never. Theo is a real one.

[@kerstieamiya4880]

I’ve been binging him the past two weeks sense I found him he’s hilarious plus I never expect wtf he’ll say 😭😂

[@lotaryguy12]

Lol where's the smart part

[@Targetverified82]

@@lotaryguy12 well to be fair, he knows you shouldn't be looking for a hook up at a family reunion lol smarter than the caller

[@susulala7679]

He’s hilarious! I am old and remember him on MTV show Road Rules when he was young. I thought he was funny back then.

[@njaye9893]

I think family reunion pretty much explains it 😂😂

[@b34rsfan5775]

was gonna say that 😂 like you went to a family reunion… and hooked up with a girl that was also at your family reunion… 🤨

[@iPOPuDRP]

right 😂😂😂

[@adamsjoberrg]

Hahaha things on this podcast just can't be made up

[@tylerwigle9128]

He just feels guilty and weird about it so he’s cappin hard. Like oh I didn’t know that family might be at the family reunion

[@njaye9893]

@@tylerwigle9128 😆😅

[@susiekim5728]

😂 God, I love you Theo. I laughed so hard during your rant.

[@VRcation]

Theo kills me. The way he tries to talk about "incest rule of thumb" as if it is common knowledge was so funny.

[@EliteTreats]

“You’re gonna give birth to something that lives in a lava lamp” 💀 💀 I love this dudes mind so much

[@ryanmaupin818]

You don't want to be babysitting a lava lamp lmfao

[@thomzyy]

Im crying "there could be anywhere from 2 to 6000 mexicans"

[@Apoc414]

@@davidz2690 ☠️

[@shecravesit7072]

@@davidz2690 that shit is so random and goddamn funny I do not know how he thinks of such weirdly accurate things

[@suhbash10]

“You shouldn’t walk out of there with a chicks number “😂😂😂😂

[@newpickupsstore]

The funniest clip I’ve seen all year

[@Dieselfumes1982]

Shit as soon as he said I went to a family reunion I knew that he fucked up.

[@olherb9633]

When I saw the title "Caller Who Slept With His Cousin" I knew he fucked up

[@christophersonawane]

Goes to “family reunion” doesn’t think that the person he’s meeting there is family? They never discussed it? wonder what the spoke about on the dates prior to hitting it. No offence but the dude just seems a bit slow.

[@Johnnygga]

People bring friends to their family party for a good time… But like… you should also be like “who do you know here and how do you know them?” My suspicion is that he saw someone who was hot in his eyes and he said fuck it and didn’t want to know the details and neither did she. Lmao

[@inquisitorfederov5470]

"That's where God throws his two cents in." LMFAO

[@Sherlock_Hulmes__]

Congratulations! you won message right away to claim your prize 🎁

[@RealTalkAlexV]

Hahahaha best part honestly

[@Isaac-dr1zd]

This had me in stitches 😂

[@MenAskMia]

Theo makes me laugh at nearly every sentence

[@Boatpapi]

Theo’s comment: “I mean anybody getting off a bus in LA will probably stop by, I’m sure there’s a lot of vague paperwork at the reunion” is PRICELESS.

[@waynepolo6193]

Bro, but like… there is! I’m Hispanic and the last time I went to a family reunion we literally given color coded t-shirts.

[@racheljay454]

Theo is a national treasure.

[@adamgriffiths8639]

I’m so glad that I found his podcast 😂😂😂

[@Eliminator5555]

Gang gang.

[@garymericano]

Which nation?

[@QuranLion]

​@@garymericanoTHE nation 🇺🇲

[@stantoncochran536]

Nah, he’s a intergalactic pleasure

[@carlhammill5774]

Theo is brilliant.

[@justjoey6939]

I love your honest. Its making me laugh from my soul charka😂😂😂

[@pikes0073]

When he started naming the relatives i cried from laughter LOL

[@jhordan1246]

Same Lmfaooo start yelling out your relatives 😂

[@ccrock5810]

I’m dying 😂

[@michaelatkinson1783]

Rhonda

[@h3941]

Same that's where I lost it

[@melissaandres9469]

Emmanuel 😂😂

[@liquidluffy302]

Started cracking up when he said "2000 to 6000 people since it's a Mexican family reunion" lol

[@andreakey6762]

I swear to god u are killing me lmao u are so damn funny Theo I am so glad I found ur page and I’ve been watchin shit back to back to back just rolling all by myself!! Just wanted to tell u Ur the best!!❤❤

[@xxPow3rslave]

lmaoo theo is amazing

[@georgecrisci5440]

I love how podcasters/comedians always become the public's therapists for fucked up situations we all wanna hear about. Patrice, Bill Burr, Tim Dillon, Theo. True heros

[@Sherlock_Hulmes__]

Great fan ❤️ You are among the shortlisted winners Use the above name to Acknowledge your prize

[@DaloWrld]

Noel Miller

[@potatohead3323]

So you’ve fucked your cousin?…

[@highflyer449]

Stavros

[@3van660]

And it works.

[@GEORGE_WARD]

Well clearly the first thing to do is to call a thriving podcast and give people your name and what you've done

[@brandonboyer7064]

I know right 🤣🤣

[@Splatterpunk_OldNewYork]

1000 IQ move right there.

[@doughboi-ry4lv]

Hes proud as he should be :D

[@willpugh8865]

He found out after 😂 bullshit

[@ramblesocket]

@@willpugh8865 yeah, AFTER they banged and she walked out naked to go pee at 2am and she calls your dad Uncle Jim... oooops

[@Gun_Nut361]

“I’m sure there’s a lot of vague paperwork” lmfao😂

[@cobbinator111]

The silence after he spoke Spanish was an Office worthy moment

[@jacobfoulds7618]

Dude called in for help and Theo was just roasting his ass😂

[@michelrood2966]

Keep it in the family bro

[@rmt1]

Dude when you started in about God throwing his 2 cents had me laughing hard

[@Fotini13]

The emotional roller coaster of Theo trying to articulate his thoughts 🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀 god I love him! I could listen to his tangents for days 🤣😂

[@Jump-2-the-moon]

The “let’s hear more” always kills me, because it’s just Theo pressing pause and play of this recording on his laptop.

[@jasonmccann7393]

Best clip I've ever seen

[@raydhyne5049]

Your the man!!!

[@James-lv9mw]

"I'm not judging you but I'm saying ..everybody else is gonna" 🤣🤣🤣

[@kamikaze4132]

I love Theo's non-bullshit answer!

[@jason_eh]

He stepped up for sure, he could have laughed it off or made a joke but instead he faced it head on and gave the guy the straight goods.

[@loginusername7]

This might be the funniest clip ever 😂

Exactly the kind of content I imagined on Theos podcast! 😂 That's all I will say, I'll leave it there

[@harrisonfiore7090]

“I think theres a rule of thumb when it comes to incest……. I don’t know what it is though” 😂😂😂

[@deja_vu..]

Desperation defined: Going to a family reunion looking for a date.

[@AlphanumericCharacters]

No shit. I never understood the “thinking with the little head” thing. (Not that mine ever told me to fuck a cousin anyway). But I never have been tempted to bang some chick that was going to be an issue. Like a buddy’s ex for instance. There are chicks that are DTF behind every bush. Im hella average looking and never had any issues. How you gonna be so desperate?

[@smartz565]

love this guy 😂😂

[@CEB731]

Theo, is 🔥

[@daskrete3612]

Still can’t stop laughing about the time your buddy said he could survive in prison then said that he wouldn’t keep a shank because it’s “not allowed” 😂😂

[@johnnydelrome]

As time went on with the discussion, Theo realizes it’s not very cool and give the caller some serious tough love.

[@levibiddy8173]

The whole “at the park” jokes are hilarious

[@WWII25]

Great call that our listeners can give some feedback to. He knows his audience.

[@jenne5008]

Not me yelling at the phone, "You picked her up at a family reunion!! Who did you think was going to be there, bro?!" 🤦‍♀️🤣

[@LEEERROOOYYJENKINS1]

“You don’t want to babysit a lava lamp” 😂😂😂😂😂

[@Sherlock_Hulmes__]

Congratulations! you won message right away to claim your prize 🎁

[@veggiesaremurder]

That thumbnail is effing hilarious, dude.

[@JaymeeKay]

Killing it!

[@scottmasson3039]

“Yer gonna give birth to a fuckin’ hot air balloon with legs, dawg.” Omg! 😂

[@Sherlock_Hulmes__]

Thanks for watching ⬆️⬆️ Message right away I have something for you!

[@ramirez.cristopher9942]

“Bub” 😂😂😂😂😂 Theo doesn’t miss to make me laugh

[@denachtconducteur7070]

What that stands for?

[@Coonass]

​@@denachtconducteur7070 Bubba

[@tripjonez]

Bro, I’m crying real tears

[@rickkivick90]

Lol I’m at work on my break trying not to die laughing from that lava lamp reference

[@scottsheppard3430]

Searching up the rule of thumb for insist LMAO

[@rsbutz1]

And that's where God really throws his 2 cents in 🤣🤣🤣😭😭💀💀

[@josephvanwyk2088]

Man this was funny. PREACH!

[@Ben77788]

I like that Theo takes calls 😂

[@devon_lettuce_tomato8637]

I like how ‘the ethics of incest’ was purple insinuating he’s already looked at that link.😂

[@AsAugustSleeps]

That’s too funny

[@CertifiedZoologist]

Keep hitting it brah. I'm always looking for snatch at them family reunions

[@XDNEB]

😂😂😂🫡🫡🫡

[@trickflowfive0h]

#wedemboyz

[@k1ng_0fthes0uth-8]

🤦🏾‍♂️

[@charisma_2xp819]

Presto molesto

[@FedUpSouthernGirl]

Fertile huntin’ ground baby gang gang

[@elusiveruse832]

Theo kept escalating insidiously 🤣

[@Coolmusicplaylist]

Theo got the biggest troll face for this thumbnail

[@airmaxwell]

The title made me think he hit hit Theos cousin 😂

[@ronrammer4666]

Haha same bro 😂😂

[@anabltc]

One of the funniest Theo clips 😂😂💀💀

[@Sh0rtsYT]

Never laughed so much at a podcast as I did when I heard this during the show

[@wenderella81]

Absolutely hysterical!

[@SyddViciouss666]

The lava lamp comparison at the end lost me 💀💀🤣🤣🤣 why is he like this!

[@maxjones5048]

"You don't wanna babysit a lava lamp." How does he come up with this shit on the spot man

[@cameron3196]

“There’s a rule of thumb with incest” 😂

[@niteshades_promise]

Dont hook up at family reunions...unless its your buddys reunion, then its game on.😂

[@davidfromboulder]

Theo von is hilarious

[@LemonsAreNummy]

I’m gonna need life advice from Theo on literally every single topic cuz this is gold! No lava lamps 😂

[@vh01jjkb]

I just listened to your Netflix Special and it was very good. The crowd loved you! You are a humble and funny Person. A good person. For me, this are very good qualities. Greetings from Romania, even i study in Germany. :)) I wish you only good things.

[@Sherlock_Hulmes__]

Great fan ❤️ You are among the shortlisted winners Use the above name to Acknowledge your prize

[@blascarrasco768]

oh my god, this Theo's response to everything is damn funny.

[@Tinystrom]

I still come back to this to cry laughing

[@cfrenchfrye]

“What’s the rule of thumb for incest?” LMAOOOO 😂

[@Sherlock_Hulmes__]

Great fan ❤️ You are among the shortlisted winners Use the above name to Acknowledge your prize