Do You Have THESE Major Symptoms of Love Addiction As An Anxious Attachment?

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Does this sound like something you've experienced? Please let us know in the comments below

[@tammieb543]

💯💯💯 FA who used to lean high AP. Had full blown love & sex addiction

[@Calicokitty2]

Absolutely was me, but I had no idea that was what was happening until I found PDS. I just knew I was miserable but couldn't leave. Thank you! I'm now almost secure!

[@jerrykasinger8621]

Absolutely see some of this in myself! I was thinking I was fa though.... Hard to figure out unmet needs it represents.

[@jerrykasinger8621]

I do feel this way, I'm in a 30 year marriage, not sure if I just have some viable unmet needs, or if I'm just being unrealistic in my expectations

[@MelissaKellyHerStunts]

Hi, I use to be a student over a year ago and my card was just recently charged again. How do I fix this? I am not currently taking classes

[@tedjones1021]

Being an FA, this still ticks a lot of my boxes. I was (and still am, to some degree) limerent for somebody I met a few years ago. I started to perceive them as my only means to meeting my chronically unmet needs for connection, validation, esteem and all that - and in short order, I'd otherwise isolated myself to the point it became true. That part about intermittent reinforcement, and how the neurochemicals hit that much harder in those instances when those needs finally do get met - sheeeeeeeit. I remember one time, I sent a message to check in on them - they took about a day to respond (my anxiety driving me up the wall in the mean-time), and when they did, it felt similar in many ways to [taking drug] after being dry for a period. In retrospect, I actually found it harder to give up this person AND the fantasy I'd built up around them than actual drugs.

[@JDoomhauer87]

My life. This is what being a “Hopeless Romantic” is like

[@carlosbautista8430]

This is definitely me for the most part. I’ve recently gone NC with somebody that I’m in limerence with, which I would say is love addiction to the nth degree. It was very hard to decide to go to the NC route, as our coping mechanism as an AP is to cling and hold tighter 😂, but I knew it was the time to do so, and definitely the best thing for me. I was definitely caught up in the rollercoaster of the infatuation-resentment 😂 that Thais has mentioned some other times. I’m taking my time to heal, and I know I will be fine. Thank you so much Thais and PDS. Feel blessed to be in this (rollercoaster) journey with them ❤

[@rbrown5621]

Feeling terrified and hopeless. I don’t no if I candy NC. It is helpful to see I’m not alone.

[@iamaliveyoucantstopnow]

Just look back at your childhood at how your care givers treated you and each other and it will all make sense! Love addiction is attachment trauma. Heal it and love addiction vanishes!

[@SlapBattlesOfficial1]

I’m a secure with a DA. I didn’t know what hit me a year ago when we started seeing each other. I’ve always done relationships so well and with great personal power. I had to teach myself about DIsmissive attachment and I’ve actually learned to cope very well. However, he has put me in anxiousness and I’ve acted very out of character for me while I was still navigating his psyche. Thais, can you address secures who are drawn into anxious attachment when with a DA?? I have had to be very self aware and vigilant to keep myself from getting anxiety but it is doable with work!! He is so worth it and I’ve noticed him becoming more secure, which is a wonderful thing!

[@meeraraj0]

Sounds like me. Met DA person this year and very confusing until I discovered this. My DA friend contacted me after 6-7 weeks silence after a fight which wasnt a fight. He blocked me after. I am so grateful as I know how hard it was for him. I thought it might take months or year. He was brief and bit formal. I'm not sure if he's going to stay in touch or was just checking in. Is there hope. I'm deactivating because I'm sort of DA too. But I care for him and am so scared going forward. If he contacted me does it mean anything.

[@SlapBattlesOfficial1]

My DA went missing twice in the year we’ve been together. Omce because of personal stress and the other because he was falling in love with me and freaked out. He told me the second time that I should trust he’d always come back to me. That’s hard to do, however, I learned that having trust in them is huge. They don’t have confidence in themselves that they’ll be a good boyfriend. The more I trust and let go, the more he becomes more secure. They need to have a lot of trust in you. If you accept them as they are and don’t punish or shame them when they deactivate, they’ll withdraw less and less. You need to be very, very secure, do a lot of positive self talk and hold the space. I’m secure and this was so hard on me. Secures are not some kind of unicorns able to withstand this type of stuff. However, if you believe in the person and hang tough, there is a good chance things will even out long term.

[@meeraraj0]

@@SlapBattlesOfficial1 thank you so much for your amazing insight and positive words. I needed it right now. Yes I understand absolutely what you said. If he contacted me after 6 weeks does it mean he still wants to be in touch or was he randomly checking up on me He did not say much but that's always his style. Should I wait for him to contact again. He wrote to me Monday. When you say let go does it mean let him come forward.

[@SlapBattlesOfficial1]

DA’s don’t do anything they don’t want to do in my opinion. So if he contacted you, he was pro seeing if you still were there and maybe dip his toes in the water so to speak. He may need some nudging from you because he may feel Shane for stonewalling you and hurting you. They have a lot of shame for their behavior but they play it off as nonchalant. My DA after a fight will try to deflect from his behavior by blaming me for something stupid I said completely unrelated to the fight. He does this to get the onus off his behavior and make react defensively. However, I don’t take the bait😂. They can be creative to say the least in making up after a conflict. Just stay calm, don’t get defensive and be loving. And their anxiety should calm down. If I were you, I would ask to see him. Remember he’s going to act like he doesn’t care but if he shows up, he does care. I think a huge love language for DA’s is just showing up to give some time to you. I’d you can model secure behavior, it will make them feel safer.

[@SlapBattlesOfficial1]

Sorry for the typos!

[@madst101]

What kind of therapist does a person who suffers from this need? It feels debilitating and after my recent breakup I’m afraid that I might try and end my life again. It’s just been hard living my entire life with so much pain and fear.. I know I should try your program again but I feel I need more support than that but I don’t know what kind of therapist is suitable for me.

[@bramskellton6234]

Please do not try to end your life. I understand, to a degree, what you're feeling. I was not in a relationship with someone, but I truly did love and care about her a ton... more than she deserved from me. We had been "true" friends for many years and just last year I got a little too attached and it was painful. I knew she didn't have any interest in me and I should have been smart enough to put up a wall and refuse to spend any more time with her. But because I'm an AP with an intense fear of abandonment (and only 1 local friend besides her) I decided to tough it out. I figured I'd either lose interest in her eventually or perhaps I'd finally be worthy of reciprocation. Well, neither happened. She found a man she liked and I began to really wonder what was wrong with me. Cause that's what happens when you're constantly overlooked by women. And these are not just random women, these are women I've really bonded with. I'm something of a "demisexual", so I don't really find attraction to women until I get to know their soul. She let me into her inner world and I cared about her immensely. I believe she cared about me as well, but she just saw me as a friend. I saw her the same way until that developed into something different. Anyway, she started dating that guy and suddenly I wasn't a part of her life anymore. All our plans to spend time doing stuff together immediately stopped. I felt replaced. And then all my attempts to keep the momentum going (even as much as it would have hurt me, I still wanted to spend time with her) were shut down because she figured out that my feelings had grown in a way she couldn't reciprocate. So to protect me, and to respect her boyfriend, she set up a giant wall between us. I needed to step back. It was difficult, but I managed. Their relationship eventually came to a close and I tried to be there for her. At first she seemed to appreciate it, but then a few months ago she became more cold and indifferent towards me and I had no idea that I basically gave her "the ick". I guess because she was single again she assumed I was "trying", right? But I wasn't. I was literally just being friendly and my intentions were innocent. I had moved on (7 months had gone by), but I still wanted to maintain a healthy friendship dynamic with her. But I recently found out that all my attempts at keeping connected to her were actually annoying her. And some of her texts were suggesting I leave her alone entirely. Basically... it was a friendship breakup. Her boyfriend had broken her heart, and now it felt like she was perhaps gaining power back by breaking mine. I know that's not what happened, but it felt that way. It's left me devastated and I've been trying so hard to pull myself out of a depression. Perhaps one of the most devastating aspects of all of this is knowing that she doesn't even think about me. In the past couple of months she had been pretending to be friends (I eventually made a shockong discovery that she was hiding her social media posts from me) but now I can't imagine she even thinks about me. I haven't texted her in over 3 weeks and I'm sure she's happy to be rid of me. But I have to move on and just hope to God I never go through this again. Living as an AP is torture. People who are secure, or super independent (which she is) don't know what this feels like. When we already have so much pain from old wounds that continue to open up over and over again, it makes us want to give up, doesn't it? I understand your grief and your pain. But we can and will get through this.

[@Anwelei]

I echo to please do NOT end your life. Everyone is valuable and that includes you. I’m so so sorry you feel this way. I have known that kind of deep despair (I’m fa/Ap) and when my one and only relationship finally crumbled a few years ago, I almost died from the grief, pain, abandonment and loneliness. I absolutely get why you would think of trying to end all that pain. But please don’t. Please learn to care for yourself and love yourself. You are worth it! (And for the record, I’m not even close to healing and still very painfully single, but I’m very glad to be alive and found tools to heal. I promise life gets better)

[@moonchild-thirty-thr33]

I need to know what healthy love is supposed to be like because all I hear is what it isn't which makes me more anxious.

[@dentrout9383]

Also I am very picky. So I rarely find someone I like. I don't fall for 98% of the people i date. However the two most major relationships I have had we both fell in love the day we met. In one instance we went on a date. And I we moved in together the next day. 😮

[@iamaliveyoucantstopnow]

Also being with a narcissist and having a trauma bond to that person can really feel like an addition. You have been emotionally Manipulated to feel that way! If your childhood was full of dysfunction trauma bonds can easily occur!

[@wonderfullymade6573]

Definitely sounds like me and now I'm judging myself. I knew there were issues and I have been doing the work to heal my AP attachment style. But having it laid out like this makes me feel like I need to start all over again.

[@Stellarchild]

Ouf. This is rough.

[@mjnary9415]

This is eye-opening!

[@cornwallismorgan874]

This explains a lot. I have a former coworker like this who developed an extremely inappropriate attachment to me (totally one-sided) and we'd been texting for about a week. She started talking about "we" this and "we" that when there was no "we." I had made it clear that I'm not interested in dating. It didn't matter. It went from that to telling me really uncomfortable things related to stalking, and as someone who has been stalked before, it scared me. I told her this was inappropriate and that this fantasy needs to stop. I didn't hear from her for a few days following that, so I blocked her number. But it did not stop. She showed up to work on her day off, when she knew my shift was over. She rode up on me on her bicycle and put me in a position where I was completely helpless. For context, we're both lesbians, but she's one of those brutish dyke types who could easily hurt me. A couple weeks ago, she left a note on my windshield at work. I have since had to file a police report. I realize this is probably an extreme example, but if this describes you, please understand the effect you're having on others. Attachment styles aside, it can put people in danger and it's not acceptable.

[@nwandoe3599]

that's the worst, sorry you went through that. and this happens more than you think--not an extreme example at all.

[@carlosbautista8430]

I’m so sorry that you had to experience that. It must have been scary. I really have no doubt that she was in limerence with you. Hopefully the police report solves everything and you don’t hear from her again. Take care, and thank you for sharing

[@cornwallismorgan874]

@@nwandoe3599 Thank you, though it's kind of scary that this happens a lot. It's only happened twice to me, which I'm grateful for.

[@cornwallismorgan874]

@@sunbeam9222 WHAT THE HELL, SUNBEAM. I don't get why being like this is something to be proud of! It's like they don't even hear you when you talk.

[@cornwallismorgan874]

@@carlosbautista8430 Oh it is definitely limerance; I'm so glad I've been watching Thais and others to learn about all this so I can recognize it. Before things got weird, I asked her if she wanted to get coffee and it was like I hadn't even said anything. But a completely make-believe relationship that doesn't exist in reality? She was all over that.

[@gebronthomasson6960]

I’m paralyzed for most part.. extreme anxiety 😵‍💫am working, working out, talking to family but that’s about all.. have a desire to go out every night to keep from being alone( not to find someone but just so not left to myself just people to talk to)doing the basics

[@dentrout9383]

Thais I have a problem sexualizing a partner after we become very emotially vulnerable with one another. Well so far as my last relationships. Then they get focused on my lack if sexual interest. What does this mean?

[@sumaiyafaizyab]

Thank you it's really helpful I am trying to understand myself more through your video since I noticed repeated patterns in my relationships

[@dentrout9383]

Im preoccupied with love but I don't jump from one to another. So for example Ive been single for two years. Its been two years since I was in a long-term relationship

[@sweettagada22]

I am clearly guilty of that. I was complaining to my therapist about my ex, who was a game addict, and she told me something that made me realize I do have addiction behavior on love and alcohol. Your video was so on point !

[@Chrissy.H]

Thank you for your hard work and dedication. I would like to join your Discord group. Is there an invite available?

[@roshalllambert]

Loved the video! especially the part about intermittent reinforcement!!

[@karenfischer]

I’ve been married eight times…😂😂😂

[@michaelkeller5927]

I think maybe you're a marriage addict lol

[@karenfischer]

@@michaelkeller5927 I used to be a Christian, too....Always gotta get married to have sex 🤣🤣🤣 Since I left "the religion" I've been free of marriage 😁😁😁 No more for me!

[@felixthecat4584]

Damn. I am the poster boy for AP....

[@DJKieFBoXxX]

You're just the greatest

[@GadgetsGearCoffee]

Is there a difference between love addiction and limerence?

[@michaelkeller5927]

I think they are very similar. I'm in therapy because of my anxiety and limerence and my therapist said I'm a love addict

[@tedjones1021]

I'd say if nothing else, they're very much cut from the same cloth - if you're prone to one you're probably prone to the other. I think what distinguishes them is limerence requires a component of non-reciprocation and fantasy-building, while love addiction can exist without either of those things - ultimately though I think they come from the same place, and result in very similar patterns of behavior towards the attachment figure.

[@anothercat9600]

In my experience it is mainly when we are involved with a narcissist that we APs behave in this way. With empathic partner, even DA/FA I have been slower and more reflecting. Though I am not as calm as a Secure or as a DA. I don't stalk but I ask many times if they think I said/did something wrong, if they are quiet. This again if I am involved with a narcissist/a guy with bpd.

[@MelissaKellyHerStunts]

Hi @thepersonaldevelopmentschool I use to take classes with you guys a year ago or more and just recently got charged again on my card. Where do I go to fix this?

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

email [e-mail] and they will take care of that for you!

[@MelissaKellyHerStunts]

Thank you!

[@MelissaKellyHerStunts]

@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Hi :) Email sent but no response.

[@Sendme432]

Being with an AP sounds amazing. Committed, expressive, loving, am I missing something? Is it bad to be with an AP somehow?

[@0Demiyah0]

I think AP who lean SA are pretty unproblematic and good partner material, but "love addicted" people are offputting. If you are SA, I don't think you'd go on more than 1-3 dates with a "love addict".

[@maclegend9169]

Intensity. That's the problem. Although APs are extremely all in, they also then feel the need to control the relationship and its dynamics in order to feel secure. This can make the other person feel very smothered. Also, I've found that a lot of the fantasy an AP builds in their head is exactly that, a fantasy. And when the other person doesn't meet the expectations they've built up they become resentful and start sabotaging. Source - I'm AP.

[@KerryNeeds]

@@maclegend9169yup