How to Grieve a Situationship: Overcome Limerence

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In this video, Thais Gibson sets out the essential steps for how to grieve and overcome a situationship. Learn about the concept known as "future faking" and the important steps to follow as Thais offers guidance and support. For a much deeper dive into topics such as limerence and extreme infatuation, explore the empowering course, "Overcome Limerence and Extreme Infatuation to Increase Your Self-Esteem," for powerful tools you can begin using immediately.
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:54 - Understanding Grief
00:03:57 - "Future Faking"
00:04:43 - Step #1: Make A List Of Needs Expected To Be Met
00:06:32 - Step #2: What Traits Did You Express Around This Person
00:08:41 - 7-Day Free Trial: Limerence Course
00:09:19 - Step #3: Explore The Stories You’ve Been Telling Yourself
00:11:05 - Conclusion
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Hey there! I'm Thais Gibson, and this is the channel where I teach you how to transform your life.
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[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Who has experienced this and how did you deal with it? Let us also know your thoughts on the video!

[@russd3029]

Me. This has been such a long experience for me after starting a new job...10 years ago. A coworker and I became quick friends and I attached hard. It wasn't until the last several years that I began learning about personal development, and PDS, has played a huge role in helping me understand this dynamic. For me future faking myself was the most hurtful because observationally she didn't want more, though when I would ask her to get out, it was never no that's not what I want, it was that she couldn't....so you're telling me there's a chance. I recently worked myself up to communicating a friendship boundary, for the both of us. For me a higher level of accountability and for her relieving any pressure she may have felt. Funny thing it's, I haven't heard from her since.

[@user-lx4uk5un7s]

I experienced this, what turned into a situationship with an FA - after a few months, I expressed my need to move in the direction of a relationship, she declined. I asked what was the difference for her, as we already agreed to be exclusive and monogamous, was going on dates, and acting as if we were in a relationship. She didn't have an answer for me, just a "I don't know". I told her I would give it 30 days, within that time she grew distant, took hours, then days to respond to texts, became wishy washy on meeting up. I decided to ended it and am now taking time to review what I learned from the experience before re-entering the dating world. I'm clear what I need and want and am committed to finding it with someone who also seeks the same.

[@avaiihn7679]

What time are the live webinars? I have work during weekdays. I would rather go through PDS than get a personal attachment therapist but being able to attend the webinars would be kinda important in making that decision. If i cant attend would i still be able to get feedback as i go through the course?

[@lucytownsend1176]

I did for 3 1/2 years in my teens. Ugh. I allowed the on/off, hot/cold situationship cycle to continue while dating others during the cold cycles. At the end of it, I sat him down one night, told him I couldn’t take anymore the “He’s hot/pursuing me when I’m dating others/unavailable, and cold/distant when I am single/show interest back.” We both acknowledged our parts with an apology, and agreed to remain friends only from then on. Best decision I ever made. I felt so free after having the conversation, and moved on with my life.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

The live webinars held by the IAT coaches who were trained by Thais are weekly at: monday 3pm ET Tuesday 8pm ET Wed - 12:00mp ET The live webinars held by Thais Gibson are: Thursday 7:30mp ET Friday 12:00pm ET Saturday 2-4pm ET * all webinars are also uploaded into the webinar library if you coudlnt make one and watched to watch it at your convenience. we also have routines held through the week you can attend (sharing circle, communication practice, self-love routine, emotional resilience routine) @@avaiihn7679

[@coconutwater4531]

Just got ghosted by a situation who acted like a bf for 3 months. Perfect timing!

[@watermeloenislekker]

I'm sorry that happened to you. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.

[@brianhill6842]

The guy I knew kept it going for four years and now is blocking me everywhere. Blocked my number on May 5. Stayed on my socials. Called me Friday night because I shared a post he didn’t like (I knew he would be watching) so then he rants at me for 45 minutes while asking if I had moved or how my dog was….then he says I have one final question then I’m ending this call and blocking you. “How’s Gracie? Is she ok?” Oh you mean the dog you’d never come and see? He never even let me answer the question. He then blocked me on FB and Instagram.

[@coconutwater4531]

@@brianhill6842 omg I’m do sorry. 4 years isn’t a situationship, that’s like a common law marriage

[@brianhill6842]

@@coconutwater4531 he spent more time sending me videos of him dancing or singing in the middle of the night then letting me plan a trip to come see him. Then when he asked me he’d say he was shelving the idea until ready to discuss. He dragged everything out over and over again wasting so much time. Just very hurtful.

[@brianhill6842]

@@coconutwater4531 before he blocked me he was like “im in a dark place, eveyrhing triggers me” hit since then he’s constantly on a hook up app with new shirtless pics even though he claimed he had health issues and he can’t be sexual.” Never have I been told so many lies. I told him on the phone the other night he creates how I perceive him by his actions. He claims he isn’t talking to anyone and he’s been lonely and depressed…..but he had a close connection in me and he shit on it.

[@gabbyvargas6861]

This is not talked about enough . Please make more videos on situationships . People don't realize that sometimes they hurt more than a breakup because of everything you said in this video . I have found as someone with an anxious attachment style , diagnosed anxiety , and Complex PTSD this has happened to me twice . It is SO HARD . I mean I have gone as far as having dreams about what a future would look like with a person telling me all the right things I need to hear and actually prooving it through actions . And in reality they tell you a few things you have wanted to hear and don't show up through actions but you fall for it everytime . And actually it's so funny that you mention certain examples because I was recently told by someone I'm not committed to that he would want travel to Australia with me and go on a cruise with for 2 weeks . He also has a dismissive avoidant attachment .

[@LeeChrissy]

Are you in PDS? I've only been in it for a few months and it's helped sooo much with preventing this type of dynamic. My ex DA and I went from situationship to relationship back to situationship. He was VERY confusing. He would tell me he's in love with me and talk about future plans, yet never followed through. Even when we tried the relationship, he wanted to bail after our first argument so he really wasn't invested. We had 3 cycles and he recently came in for a 4th and I shut it down. He started with the "I want to take you to a nice restaurant out of town" which I rolled my eyes 🙄 at because since 2021 he's been saying this and never came through. The very same night he said this, he was asking me to come over. Double eye roll. 🙄🙄 After asking me over for another week (I never went), I finally told him that I'm not interested in a "hangout" type of situation and if that's what he's looking for then it's best we stay friends. I'm uninterested in words now. By him asking me to a nice restaurant, unhealed me would have assumed he wanted to start something real considering I left only a few months ago telling him we either needed to move it forward or end it. But no, he was hoping to put us exactly where we were. It's frustrating because he has said I deserve more yet tries to keep me stuck in this dynamic that only works for him. I'm good now.

[@lisa4cohen]

@@LeeChrissy it’s like getting stuck in a pattern ..When u heal from ur own trauma it’s amazing how uninterested in the pain provoking behaviours disappear and eyerolls replace them .. I’m so happy for you and everyone on this journey .. life after meh !

[@chipwildridge6354]

I dated a woman and met her kids. One with Down’s syndrome. She said all the right stuff and her kids loved me. Than poof. Lol. It still hurts. Damn DAs. Thank you for this video.

[@bigbankhank1337]

Yeah man this same scenario just happened to me. I felt so fulfilled for a minute there and now so empty

[@anxen]

Also use this process for getting over deluluship.

[@dustinquinton]

Basically what I get from these types of videos are, heartbreak is painful, but after grieving, we need to come back to reality. Stop fantasizing people. Of course the past can’t be changed, but we think that the future with a particular person can fulfill all of our needs. How do we know that? We can’t predict the future. Also, there are billions of others out in the world that can meet our needs, to include ourselves.

[@SkyePhoenix]

That's a very rational conclusion. 👍

[@sbdelong]

I love that this was a topic - I've been in a couple "situationships" and was told by friends & family to get over it since they either lasted less than six months or not with a "serious" guy. Nobody has validated the grieving that follows the end of these types of relationships until this video. Thank you!

[@mesCheerios]

ironically, the lack of validation would make the loss feel even more severe

[@LeeChrissy]

I love this for so many reasons. The limerence is definitely what kept me stuck in the past. Maybe still is a little, but I'm living more in reality now that I'm doing the healing through PDS. My ex DA was notorious for future faking. I don't think he was purposely trying to be manipulative, but because he would never come through, I finally realized that I'm no longer interested in whether his intentions were pure or not. I'm not hurt or wondering anymore. It's a little annoying that he tried a 4th cycle with us recently using the same techniques if you will. When you continuously let someone down and not follow through they will eventually grow tired of it. 🤷‍♀️ I'm super proud of myself for setting boundaries and not allowing words to sway me. I still love him, but from a distance.

[@djtheman9]

Please make more videos on situationships. I was in a committed relationship for 9 years that ended last year. No infidelity, just growing apart and they just wanted a different life so they left. I’m 27, so I’m still relatively young and I’m realizing that a lot of people I try to start relationships with who are in their 20s can’t speak in terms of commitment. I didn’t realize how common cheating was. Each person I talk to seems to expect that their partner will cheat and don’t believe me when I say I have never wanted to cheat and I expect my partner to not cheat. It has honestly been “easier” healing from the ending of my 9 year relationship then of some of the “situationships” I’ve found myself in. With my long term relationship, I can see clearly the breakdowns in communication and the choices that were made that led to our end. With “situationships” they tend to start fast and end fast and seemingly for no reason. Obviously they’re very insecure connections, but they seem VERY common for people in their 20s. It almost seems expected. So I think content on navigating those connections would be super helpful for 20 somethings. I appreciate this channel as it’s helped me dramatically alongside therapy. Nice and short but full of great info.

[@hibiscushoney3759]

Don't be discouraged. I noticed in that age group the same. They have lost the interpersonal skills through so much access to so many people through social media. Many aren't in the committed building a future with a partner. Many lack the emotional depth or substance. Don't go looking. Let it find you in a sense. In meantime stick to your requirements in dating & your goal. In your personal development. Financial,emotional,spiritual & mental. Some people aren't looking for same qualities. Some have trauma wounds from childhood they haven't noticed or faced & healed from. They might be doing you a favor because they aren't whole themselves to be someone's other half. Good luck out there. Keep your standards up & your body count down. You will find what you seek. No distractions.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for the suggestion and glad you like the channel!

[@valentinavsl4148]

I feel you completely! I was 7 years in a relationship until i was 28 and got over it pretty quickly but the mini relationship I was in for almost a year it still hurts and am trying to recover after almost a year because of how twisted I feel peole see relationships now, like it's something that doesn't require work like everything else, I'm scared that it has scarred me for life

[@juliaskagfjord6207]

This is so damn sad. Clearly people in short term relationships end up having attachment and feelings with depth anyways; in many cases Its just such a waste of energy to start things off on the situationship path. Unless you are in a section of your life where it makes sense to you and you know you will not get attached. I find it sad because I think its very hard to find a man who wants a relationship, that's why situationships are easy to start.

[@roshalllambert]

I love the point about identifying the expected needs you thought that would get met!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

glad you liked that!

[@HH-pj5bl]

Another great video as usual. In the beginning it's difficult as you mentioned, we grieving the fantasy of promised future together. When we do finally get over the person, we can see the red flags the person was portraying. Thank you for the share Thais love you❤

[@lisa4cohen]

Definitely,after Covid and borders reopened after a tragic breakup .. I obsessed over my x who had moved on .. THANK GAWD for PDS .. Thais saved my soul .. I’m very single and working on me, I miss intimacy but feel mentally stronger ❤🙏🏼

[@SK-no2pp]

If someone acts like your partner but refuses to use titles, it's because they aren't ready for a relationship, want to keep their options open, or aren't sure about you. Titles define a relationship. There's no ambiguity when there's a title, which is why labels scare people who aren't read to commit. Relationships are about actions AND words. When it comes to relationships, actions don't always speak louder than words. One is not more important than the other. The important thing is whether someone's actions align with their words. To avoid using a title, people might say things like let's just take it slow, I want to enjoy what we have, I like things the way they are, I don't want to get hurt, I don't do labels, it's too much pressure, I'm not ready for a relationship yet, the timing isn't right, let's see how things are going in a few months, etc... But when a person is ready to commit, comfortable with intimacy, and sure about you, the way they act will align with the words they speak.

[@operationeight-ld5kd]

Wow, you really hit the nail on the head. I love the examples you provided regarding what people say when they’re not ready for commitment. I’m not looking to be in a committed, and I know that now, but I didn’t realize how many of those things I had said in the past when I thought I was ready for a relationship. This is why I just stay away from all it of it now. It’s too painful. Thank you for sharing.

[@SK-no2pp]

@@operationeight-ld5kd relationships can be really beautiful and fulfilling. I hope that one day you come to a point where you may want to genuinely try

[@operationeight-ld5kd]

@@SK-no2pp Thank you. I did, for many, many years. I would go from one long term relationship to the next (with very little time in between). But after I got my heart so badly broken when my 7 year relationship ended, I have been terrified to get that close to anyone again for fear of feeling that terrible if things don’t work out. I’ve been single for more than four years. So for now, I just stay single and am working on my relationship with myself, and maybe someday I’ll be able to find love again one day. Thank you again for sharing your wise words.

[@vsnrm5451]

I needed to read this rn

[@SK-no2pp]

@@vsnrm5451 When you find yourself in a relationship with an avoidant partner and feel that the emotional labor is imbalanced, it's crucial to reflect on why you might be willing to accept such a dynamic for yourself. Relationships are not supposed to be work - they are a refuge from work. They do require effort, but it's effort that ultimately deepens connection and uplifts you both. Instead of finding ways to tolerate the intolerable, consider if you are repeating patterns from your early attachment experiences. Do you believe you deserve a balanced, reciprocal partnership? Identity any limiting beliefs that might be causing you to settle for less, such as "I have to work hard for love" or "I'm not worthy of a partner who meets my needs." Consider the hidden rewards of always being the one initiating emotional support - does that make you feel needed, or more in control? If someone didn't need you, why would they love you? Understand that you deserve a partnership where emotional labor is shared equally. Look for relationships where mutual respect and reciprocity are present. These are the foundations of a healthy and fulfilling partnership.

[@mysterrieous]

I’m currently going through a painful reaction to a short lived situationship. He showed up and was super attentive, had almost perfect follow through and was the perfect gentleman. We talked for hours every night and he still answers my calls but the GM and Hello beautiful texts changed immediately after sex. I usually don’t engage as early as I did this time for this very reason. My feelings are so hurt I cried all day and felt miserable and desperate yesterday. This video and a few others helped me so much. Today I’m feeling strong and focusing on my healing journey. Thank you Thais and everyone in this community who bravely shares. Together we will heal and overcome. I used to believe I was an AP but after taking the test I agree with FA

[@mintamaharaj9552]

This is so accurate in real life . People make false promises that they know they will never fulfill. They waste their lives and hope to waste yours too if u let them . Better late than never to walk away . Very timely I’m sure fir many people

[@danitaoliver264]

❤Thank You Ever so much, because how do you grieve something that was never there, but your Heart Felt like it was.........I'm so tired of the "PAIN" OF UNAVAILABILITY. I LOOK FORWARD TO FINDING OUT, HOW TO REALLY SHOW UP FOR ME.......W/O GUILT N SHAME, THANKS AGAIN!!!😂

[@taniaswain-williams1379]

Grieving the future that never was.

[@Yarnover_PullThrough]

On and off for almost two years. Felt like a full blown relationship but he suddenly started ignoring me. Then, Another woman answered his phone and called him babe. When I’m hurt I defend myself by reacting out of my character. I made it much worse. But at this point, it doesn’t matter anyway. He found someone else. Obviously, he never cared. Time to move on. A lesson I’m learning the hard way.

[@MytherapistisYouTube-ov3my]

I found the practice of fantasizing to be very valuable for me. This was the first time I fantasized in this much detail and it really showed me how much I had never imagined about myself before, like I had just never really imagined myself in a relationship before, never understood how to operate that way. And never imagined at that depth about relating to another real person. It showed me possibilities for my life. Having feelings for this person made me feel ways I had never felt before. I was scared to let myself feel my feelings at first. I made sure to remind myself that the psychological progress I was making was transferrable to relate to someone else in the future and was about me and my growth anyway, so I could allow myself to feel it and not attach to a devastating degree to this specific person. I think fantasizing is important; it's when we emotionally feel expectation that everything we imagine is going to happen or we'll be disappointed, that we get hurt by it.

[@wendydaniel1110]

I keep a journal daily. I cannot be caught up in a fantasy when the pages show me the reality. Can't deny facts.

[@elizabethflores2778]

How would I nurture this need within myself if someone meets an intense intimate and romantic need? I've basically been in a perpetual courtship for too long- the romance and dates always leave me feeling sooo elated. Once the high is gone that's when the torment begins. I won't see this person for several months then they resurface and repeat...there we go again.

[@nahomelion]

I’m an ESFP but because of trauma and bullying I deeply suppressed my extroversion. As a result, I put friends who expressed this trait on such a big pedestal. If the friendship ended early, I would grieve so deeply. Thank God for PDS I fully express my ESFP now and don’t get too attached to others’ traits.

[@nateo200]

Cognitive and social extraversion are a bit different but I get what ya mean. I’m an INFJ but I can go back and forth between be eh social and very withdrawn

[@nahomelion]

@@nateo200not sure what the difference is but I speak whatever is on my mind (I have limited core wounds and shadow so I mostly speak healthy things). I’m an ESFP in all ways it seems after going from FA/AP to SA/DA

[@alpha5873]

@@nahomelionI think they mean in mbti terms it’s not based on social extraversion it’s cognitive functions and if u base it on social intro or extraversion u typed wrong

[@tulip5210]

i've not been following the mbti for so long and i thought you were talking about being an esper my brain is tired lol.

[@brybaby89]

I SO... needed this. It was so painful a truth to hear. So much so, that I couldn't watch this video in-full. I had to watch it in two parts. I know that I concocted my own little version of my relationship and my brain has kept replaying back to how perfect the first date was. I know that limerence was at play, despite my best efforts to side-step it! That first date, the moment things were headed in a good direction, I decided that this was the ideal first spot date, for the fact that I would love returning here on our first anniversary, OOF! Anyways, I've made my lists and I've really got to consider the facts that negate the stories I tell myself. Thank you for this video!

[@aspiringrootwoman24]

I was all on board until my Introvert heard you say i need a "whole bunch of people around" 😮😮😮 that's a whole nother channel, building wider trust circles period #twintowersofanxiety

[@user-ld3ct5fv7w]

I just decided to pull away from type of relationship a few days ago after almost a year. After endless conversations about future plans and them never being I thought it was best to end things. At most I would have wished to continue being friends, but I think it’s best we no longer continue any type of relationship. I think doing that would make it to hard for me.

[@Ingrid-wg1js]

So helpful thank you condensing this in such a succinct way

[@MytherapistisYouTube-ov3my]

I think it would be really helpful to have some videos on when you have feelings for someone even if nothing ever really "happens" because that can be really impactful and challenging!

[@angelapaz]

Thais, whatever God(s) you believe in... you are truly doing their work. Respect! And, thank you. 🙏🏾

[@JacobCarlson-uq1my]

Ok this might be fantacy; I would love to physically, not just virtually, have a few quality human friends in this life like you & the others I've seen on these podcasts,to go on walks with ,to learn from & with, to experience life together with.

[@LeeChrissy]

Did you join PDS? Maybe ask if anyone is in your area next webinar? I agree. I love talking to like minded people.

[@JacobCarlson-uq1my]

@@LeeChrissy I haven't joined yet but feel real close to it. Thank you for your nice response and ideas. You're right, talking with like minded people is so nice. I only fairly recently realized how important it is .

[@mind_body_mom_coach]

Oof I needed this and thank you!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@daspotjoel]

Oh man. This came right on time!

[@MytherapistisYouTube-ov3my]

I think at the time of my life when I met this person, coming out of a lot of solitude and a lot of self growth work through the pandemic, he had traits that really appealed to me, his expressiveness and his charisma were parts of me that were longing to break more free, and it helped encourage a playfulness in me. I enjoyed that.

[@RRthee1]

Thank you very much for this!

[@sally5256]

Again…so helpful! 🙏❤️

[@indicavonhaze9296]

Omg I totally needed this. Thank you.

[@JoseHernandez-up2lx]

Thank you Thais, you are awesome.

[@majorbloodnok6659]

Thank you, this was very helpful.

[@CloudburstCRM]

Thank you so much for this. I have lived the exact scenarios so well described in this video with a DA. the 'break up' with somethibg that I now realized was never really there in the first place was more painful and harder than any other break up of a 'real' relationship. Thank you for the invaluable insights and guidance.

[@tinanava6239]

Wow these are really useful exercises that I will utilize . Thank you ! 😊🙏

[@stevensantora2976]

Thank you so much.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Always welcome Steven!

[@aspiringrootwoman24]

I really love these two prompts ❤🎉🙏🏾💞 thank you so much for sharing them with us ❤

[@AD-hh6dd]

This came at a perfect time

[@IAMBRITTNEYLASHA]

This was extremely helpful!

[@DockClock-rp2ro]

Definitely seemed like I was connecting more with the person. Hard to deny there were sparks.

[@laurieparis2203]

Thank you! This is possibly the most constructive advice I've heard about understanding what happened , one's own involvement/wounds that perpetuated the situay, and moving on from the chaos these broken relationships cause. Saved your video. Will be coming back to do the self discovery exercises. Once again, thx!

[@JacobCarlson-uq1my]

That human said they cared, and at another time, to be clear ,this was more than just and so I suppose it was possible it was fantasy, but it didn't feel that way. I don't feel like anyone owes me anything. I would have graciously accepted being a friend. It's all ok now though, it took time but I've completely let go finally. My interest now is this phenomenal school that popped up mysteriously on this phone and for some reason really draws me in. I think im at a stage in life where I have hopes of attempting to better myself and you all seem like such quality ,helpful ,thoughtful, compassionate humans,so I am just going to keep trying to move forward & keep up the hope.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

yes! do not give up hope! you are worthy of a loving connection with yourself and another person!

[@NAhuufeloo]

Ughhh I’m 😢missing my FA smh broke up with me for the 5th time in 6 months I went searching for searching for answers and found your channel I knew this wasn’t normal and I didn’t do anything but love her 😢geeshhhh

[@truemorris6695]

This video was so important to me to listen to because I was in a relationship for two years and lived with him and you were describing exactly what happened about the fantasy park may wanting to go on trips with him and may be marrying him someday anyway, this was a great video I subscribed thank you thank you thank you

[@truemorris6695]

Just grieving the future fantasy. Oh I have definitely learned a lot.

[@mizuslayer]

thais, plz be reminded that you're saving lives. irdk nor do i want to know where i'd be this autumn during my recovery phase of a breakup if i didn't have the help of your advice/actionable steps. the free educatiion you're sharing is a treasure of a resource--i now finally have vocabulary to specifically describe my experiences, understand my past/core wounds and desires, and communicate my needs. i actually have a real shot at a resilient and fulfilling future bc of your resources. i can grow up to be a stable man with beautiful abundance and not be a zombified scared little vegetable in the world. i dont take it for granted; none of your audience does. thx u

[@ES-lg1bb]

❤

[@mysterrieous]

I’d like to know how to meet some needs for myself like the need for committment, companionship and sex.

[@vsnrm5451]

I find it worse than grieving actual relationships in a way. Because at least then we gave it a try and found out it didn't work. But grieving what could have been just leaves me so unfulfilled, I keep on imagining ways it might work in the future even though I know it's not healthy and that I deserve better.

[@amortalsjourneytoimmortali5325]

Wow after meeting a girl who met my need of feeling seen and heard after 2-3 times talking with their in 2-3 days timeline (after I was unconsciously starving from the human need of love and connection ) , I get attached quite instantly (as someone with ap style ) and I fall into a limerence. Then all my ap patterns came out . Only after 2-3 weeks I came back to my normal more centered self and realize how crazy this was

[@Dolce-Rose]

It’s crazy how easy we can lose ourselves into a fantasy 😅

[@amortalsjourneytoimmortali5325]

for real ahah @@Dolce-Rose

[@vsnrm5451]

I find it worse than grieving actual relationships in a way. Because at least then we gave it a try and found out it didn't work. But grieving what could have been just leaves me so unfulfilled, I keep on imagining ways it might work in the future even though I know it's not healthy and that I deserve better. I almost need "proof" that they don't like me as much as I like them, that they won't show up for me even after we've talked about it. I just can't move on without feeling secure in the fact that this was nothing but a fantasy

[@wayne.l.thompson30]

Could you do a video on getting over a relationship with a person with BPD?

[@Dolce-Rose]

Uuffff mind blowing 🤯 painfully true how can we grieves something that never was there Something is wrong with us too. Why do we allow such an awful thing break our souls just to realize that was all fantasy 😮

[@sylvievachon1020]

Yes. Never wanted to put a label or say committed relationship for 6 months. Yet saw each other couple of times a week and talked all the time. Just said he wasn't feeling it 😕

[@LeeChrissy]

I find shit like that so inconsiderate. My first cycle with my DA was like that. He came in heavy then started to fade and when the relationship talk came up he said he loves be but doesn't want a label. I ended it a month later and that was generous. It wouldn't bother me if he said all this at the beginning, but he said the opposite at first and that's why I kept it going. Had I known he was emotionally unavailable I would've never let it keep going. But I fell in love and we tried a couple more cycles until a couple of weeks ago where I told him I wasn't interested in an uncommitted relationship. I'm not wasting my time again only to end up unfulfilled and heartbroken.

[@sylvievachon1020]

@naldec1111 yes i was heartbroken 💔 healing slowly but now I know what I want and won't settle for someone who doesn't

[@johnmaus4408]

Thias, I have heard you state several times that in grief it is not the physical form we miss but the things that this person did for us or words to that effect. This title states short term relationships, mine was three plus decades with probably who can be called a covert DA or my ignorance of attachment style. Probably the last but we didn't clash often at all. I certainly miss her smile, her voice and presence. I have dreamed many times of her in many situations to include intimate. With the fact that no human is perfect and it is the physical being that the brain resides in I guess I dont understand that statement. All people have arms legs etc but they are governed by the brain. We cannot separate. Can you unpack this more? Thankyou

[@meagandekkar6377]

Released DA involved with live-in 3rd party for 2.5 years. He said that he’s no longer in love with her yet staying for financial reasons as they bought a house together. He made many plans and promises that never came to fruition.

[@Jen-uf6tp]

Would you recommend remaining friends after ending a situationship?

[@johnmaus4408]

Maybe this will be more helpful. As a man we often are told " all we think about is sex" well on one hand we are deeply programmed to reproduce. Not only humans but every living thing on earth accept rocks and water etc. Deep but true. I feel part of this is our culture has a sense of sexual shame. So I do in fact desire female intimacy but I care for the rest of that person and her needs. So missing this person is so much deeper than her physical body.

[@LeeChrissy]

Can I make a suggestion? Maybe extend the 7 day free trial to 14 days. I bypassed the 7 day offer for months because I didn't feel like I would be able to squeeze in enough to get me to decide if I wanted to officially join, but when there was a 14 day free trial I was all over that and resulted in me joining. ❤

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

thank you for this valuable feedback

[@scrunt62]

thais how do i integrate being a 6'4" man with a long johnson

[@stargirl.7868]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@IanRoyball128]

Dang.. I've been watching your videos for about an hour, right? And I've been snacking on Pretzels the whole time. Can you believe I ate the whole bag. I swear it's true. I ate the whole frickin bag. I like Pretzels 👍 Sometimes with peanut butter.. But I'm too lazy to get up and go get the peanut butter. I also like triscuits. They're like crackers, But they're 10 times better than crackers. Triscuits are wheat woven treats that are good to eat if pretzels are too expensive.. Plus, I also like Ritz crackers. But not as much as triscuits. It's in this order - 1. Triscuits 2. Pretzels 3. Ritz crackers And finally.. I also like cheetoes.. But not the hot cheetoes.. I almost died because of hot cheetoes. I nearly overdosed on hot cheetoes.. Not because I wanted to, but I didn't have a choice. It was either hot cheetoes or chili cheese fritoes.

[@sylvievachon1020]

But how do you plan for the future without futurising

[@beautyinterrupted89]

Very true. Fantasies can be healthy. In terms of the video, I gently disagree with the term limerence. Limerance can be quite extreme as opposed to natural fantasies. Often times, the person with limerence is detached from reality and boundaries. I worry about terms being thrown around as some benefit or even require a personalized diagnosis from a medical provider regarding the person's state of mind.

[@sylvievachon1020]

@beautyinterrupted89 makes sense. I mean when your in a relationship ship with someone ypu have to think future at some point . I like to travel does he? His mom lives with him can that work for me? Ect...but being in a full on fantasy is different

[@Binny2014]

This channel has helped me so much and Thais seems really credible. She makes sense and doesn't spout any law of attraction, manifestation, energy, and other magical nonsense.

[@user-kn3zj6xp1w]

Be very careful of who you get entangled with, look at actions not words, we live in world where deception at the highest and so many people are playing with peoples hearts. Guard your heart at all costs! The dating world is not what is cracked out to be, take it very slow and investigate romantic and friendships!

[@asmallbitchybanana]

We should learn to grieve the same way the DA learns how to grieve. Swiftly, painlessly, and cold heartedly. If you dont learn how to be as heartless as they are, you will always be stuck in depression, grief, and hurt. DA’s manage their emotions well, thats how theyve gotten thru life. We should learn from these cold creatures.

[@LeeChrissy]

You know, as a FA I've spent part of my life in my anxious side and the other part (the past 20 years) in my avoidant side. Being avoidant certainly helps with preventing so many emotions, but the thing that sucks is I don't get to experience deep feelings when I'm avoidant. It's a double edged sword. I'm in PDS and learning to embrace both sides and continue to get my emotions under control enough to keep it level. That's the goal for me. I'm too much of a loving woman to allow my avoidant exes to change me into them. I don't want to be cold.

[@sadiqua7]

Being cold is lonely existence, but I completely empathize what you’re saying. From outside they do seem content but in the dark of night all alone I’m sure they ruminate on all the connections they sabotaged. I struggle with being avoidant and anxious and while in avoidant mode I can’t understand why I’m pulling away from someone wanting to connect with me, just happened yesterday. Feels suffocating, but I’m still trying to emotionally detach from my FA ex so could be partly that. Tbh dating is just to exhausting for me right now and that scares me then I get anxious, reply to multiple likes on dating sites and get overwhelmed when they want to meet or exchange #’s. Really not fun

[@rikkiola]

I'm not so sure this is true if you watch some PDS content on DAs. They actually feel a lot and exist in feelings minus fears, this certainly doesn't equate to managing emotions well. As @sadiqua7 says, once they have time to reflect, it's likely many DAs feel a lot of painful feelings after a break-up. I may be wrong, just going on some of the content I've seen on this channel. I'm not sure it's aspirational to behave like a DA during breakups in an attempt to self-protect or diminish feelings?

[@warmhart2034]

I don't think DAs "manage" their pain. They either repress it or rationalise it. That repressed pain does not get processed and remains and further reinforces their fears of relationships

[@Nirosha101]

I used to think that way too…wish I could be heartless and cold hearted. I know it sucks to feel so much. But like someone commented, we also get to experience positive feelings deeply when we don’t repress our emotions.

[@vsnrm5451]

I find it worse than grieving actual relationships in a way. Because at least then we gave it a try and found out it didn't work. But grieving what could have been just leaves me so unfulfilled, I keep on imagining ways it might work in the future even though I know it's not healthy and that I deserve better. I almost need "proof" that they don't like me as much as I like them, that they won't show up for me even after we've talked about it. I just can't move on without feeling secure in the fact that this was nothing but a fantasy