Don’t Believe Everything You Think: How these 3 Cognitive Distortions make you miserable

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Researchers have found that usually it’s not external factors that make you feel this stressed, depressed or anxious; it’s irrational thinking that fuels many of these intense emotions. And most of the time we’re not even aware of the types of thoughts that make us feel this way. Dr. Albert Ellis, one of the founders of CBT, described three types of thinking that make people upset, and because they all involve the word “Must” he calls it Must-erbating.
In this video you'll learn to recognize these three forms of irrational thinking, so that you can replace them with healthier thoughts and be calmer, happier and solve problems without feeling like a helpless victim. So let’s get better at feeling.
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Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love www.churchofjesuschrist.org/c...
If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.
Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC

[@RafaellaGuevar1]

1. Identify the belief 2. Challenge the belief 3. Replace the belief 4. Practice new behavior 5. Monitor and celebrate progress

[@user-hr3sg7rf8w]

Its quiet interesting how we reject the reality of our situation and expect to be able to observe it , control it and even change it. Thank you , for the amazing content.

[@Rodrigos.godoy86]

I notice that if we're well it's easy to practice all this tips, to me it comes naturally, but if i am down emotionally i easily slip into judgment, anger, self criticism and all that.

[@LeMacMac]

My process for challenging irrational beliefs: what is my need right now that is not being met? how can I meet my need right now? it usually involves me talking about it in order to get in touch with my feelings which lead me to my needs. most of the time it's enough to have a good cry, self hug and honesty with myself. then I'm feeling more calm, almost sleepy and content. then I ask myself again how I think about those irrational beliefs, in that moment they just don't matter anymore. I don't actually need to work on my cognition patterns directly if I work on my emotions and fulfil my needs as best I can. The irrational beliefs change themselves.

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

Yeah, that's a good point. For some people, to engage in a struggle with their thoughts is much less helpful than to focus on what they DO want in their life, for other people- being aware that a thought isn't necessarily truthful helps them disengage from it and focus on what they DO want with their life.

[@alainahart4350]

I've been watching your videos for over two years now. Today I felt like I finally made this breakthrough with setting a boundary (nearly ten years in the making) and it felt so empowering and I even feel less blockage in my throat chakra because of it. I got on to youtube today specifically to come on and tell you thank you. Thank you for making this information accessible. Your videos taught me so much and I even got the point where I was able to afford a therapist and get 1-on-1 therapy. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, I appreciate your work and what you do here. By setting boundaries I am finally feeling like I have a voice and it feels strong.

[@practice4089]

How to end worry for good: if you are dwelling on an issue and not problem solving that issue, you are worrying. stop dwelling on it until you have other problem solving solutions in mind. once those are exhausted, stop dwelling on it so you don't start worrying again. I've been doing this for some time and it works every time IF you are mindful (you have to catch yourself). Worry is not some natural human trait we are all doomed to exercise

[@elizabethwilliams6651]

Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in September. I have zero cravings. This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment

[@johnlegend8359]

Psychedelics have potential to deal with mental health issues like anxiety and depression. I would like to try them again but it's just so hard to source out here

[@lewiswalker1540]

@@johnlegend8359 I was having this constant unbearable anxiety because of university stress. Not until I can across dr_william_tripsz a very intelligent mycologist, he saves my life

[@homeboyz3558]

The trip I have been having had really helped me a lot, I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane To me now seems incredible and full of nuance on top of that I am less driven by ego and I have a lot more empathy as well

[@Thomas-446]

I am feeling the same way too. I put too much on my plate and it definitely affect my stress and anxiety level. I am also glad to be a member of this community

[@stephanie290]

Tripping is not a bad idea but having a good competent mycologist Who will guide you on the dosage is very important

[@anandsharma7430]

7:50 is the secret to recovery. The secret to recovering from anxiety disorders is to repeat one word 1000 times throughout the day: "Lies!"

[@Victoria_Loves_Jesus]

unless you've been lied to tens of thousands of times and saying the word "lies" will just trigger you further 💀

[@pamelasnopek1275]

I was just coming here to type the same thing!

[@richardali8817]

That thumbnail just killed me 😂

[@JoyLuxeHieroTarot]

Yes, love it! 😁😁

[@luisapaza317]

The word is wild! 😂

[@chloegower1584]

Totally made me giggle

[@astonishingmelanie]

Wording it that way will definitely help people remember the concept. Good idea!

[@nayacarson6989]

Must-erbate

[@funnybookworm]

I had a therapist call this “should-ing” like “stop should-ing on yourself”

[@SpookyRuby280]

I have a request that might be strange. Can you do a video on how to be ok with being ok? I grew up in a very chaotic environment, and now that I've moved out of my childhood home, I'm in a healthy, calm environment. The problem is I've spent over half my life being pushed to my physical and emotional limit. I don't know how to be calm or "normal" I experience anxiety when my mind isn't being occupied, I feel lonely even around others. I only feel "normal" or like myself when something stressful happens. This is taking a toll on my physical health. I feel a large amount of guilt for resting or taking time for myself. Just something to consider because I don't see a lot of people talk about this, and I'm trying to navigate this with very little guidance. I've watched a lot of your videos and they have helped me to an extent but I just want to be OK with being OK. Would I need to focus on moving past trauma? I don't really view anything that happened to me as being particularly traumatic. Just stressful. Thank you for any advice you have or taking the time to read this.

[@viviave8]

I can totally relate to this, I think about this a lot. Within the past few months I finally realized that when I think I'm bored and I try to distract myself, I was actually preventing myself from experiencing peace and stillness of Being which is like a rest more restful than actual sleep. And as soon as I allowed my mind to stop searching for stimulation or whatever I thought I needed to be productive or entertained, that's when Life gave me the gift of an eventful but joyful schedule, a new job, and the beginnings of long term dream fulfillment. Now that I know how to accept Peace I can also learn how to live with the flow of a swift river... but this time in a healthy way with balance and self care at heart. Not because it's a default that I put up because I'm afraid of idleness or I can't handle the calm and beautiful silence of freedom. That's what it feels like when you're flying above the fray. It's a perfect jumping off point for trying to build a new foundation, a new you inside. Or it can help lead you to your path or purpose. It's probably different for everyone and I'm sure it will always be an ongoing theme but I believe it can be faced creatively and sorted out. It may feel empty at first but that space is needed for healing and growth. ❤

[@sunnelyons394]

i relate to this so much.

[@dbkids123]

​@@viviave8Thank you for helping the other person!❤❤

[@feliciasuris2381]

Thank you so much for your videos! My new therapist and you have helped me so much in such little time. I've learned so much on self acceptance and awareness and that most of my pain was self caused. My whole life I was pretty much negative and gave up easy. As a new mom I finally decided to stop being the victim and get stronger. I watch a video from you everyday to learn and keep myself headed towards healing. My black and white thinking is very strong, just today almost went crazy over diet choices and reminded myself and with help that life is about balance and its not all one way or the other ❤

[@feliciasuris2381]

Do you take video requests?

[@bellesandwith3775]

This is the best 15 minutes of my life. It rocked my world. I was fixated on Life being fair. It helped me accept the malpractice I suffered. I released soooo much.

[@brendakrieger7000]

I'm learning to be more Stoic and care less about things.

[@sixtoomanycats9769]

The universe sent this video to me today, just as I was hanging up with my therapist. We had just been talking about this subject. Thank you for your videos, I have shared your channel with my therapist and your videos help me through in between sessions with her.

[@Sbmhdk]

The only thing I have found with this technique is that it doesn’t help a person attune to themselves emotionally or meet their needs. Usually after I’ve validated, seen, and understood myself, I naturally reconsider my belief and let go of the angry thought. I don’t need it anymore. So I prefer to use NVC and use the belief to interpret my feelings and needs. For example, with the angry driver example, wow I’m feeling frustration. I’m having a need for ease. It’s sounds sorta empty I know, but when that’s what’s going on with me, that’s my truth, and I name it, I feel seen and so much relief. And I feel softness for myself.

[@TonyaA7]

Thank you Mrs.Emma for sharing this. It all makes since..

[@sunkissed6220]

This channel is a life saver ❤️🙏

[@KarlWitsman]

Your videos are a concise way of explaining a complex topic. I used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in my own counseling practice and in my own life. I've never been happier, as it helped me to overcome some OCD issues that I had as a young person. Probably why I went into psychology in the first place. For those who need more info, Albert Ellis's Guide to Rational Living is excellent, even if it can be a little difficult to read at first.

[@bertholdsanchez3864]

Getting mad gives you a surge of energy. That can be of help sometimes.

[@davebanner8666]

Thank you!!! Keep helping a hurting world. God Bless you and your family

[@laridion7901]

8:00 is the steps to changing these 3 belief systems!

[@EnviroArtiste86]

i had a huge aha moment thinking about why i am a perfectionist. and it all started when i was bullied really bad as a kid. i realize i am only perfectionistic about things that people gave me criticism on. i have to change my belief that everything i do isn't life or death and take some of the pressure off myself. then i wouldn't freak out when everything falls apart. to this day at work everything has to be perfect because an old manager who i don't work with anymore got angry at me on my 3rd day of work that something wasn't done. 5 years later i feel like it is my responsibility and my responsibility alone that everything is done. when it's not even my responsibility to begin with.

[@CondaCorneri]

I misread the title and got to work immediately.

[@philrussell5258]

Great vid. You have a really positive, passionate vibe and this is so insightful. I definitely will be recommending you to others.

[@stemconceptsin1min683]

Hi Emma, first I want to thank you for your work, it really is a huge help for a lot of people! Regarding the subject on this video: I have been seeing a therapist for the last year mainly working on anxiety due to the first “must”. I have come a looong way and I feel very different already and much happier. However I have noticed that I struggle when I’m with some else and they start “venting” or complaining using sentences of some of these “musts”. As a HSP I absorb that negativity easily and I find myself questioning those believes (the ones other people mention) but I didn’t even have them in the first place! I hope I have been clear enough… since the last video was about HSP I thought you could do a video about how to deal with other peoples’s negativity (venting, complaining, etc) and not get dragged into it… thank you very much and keep up the work it’s really really good!!

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

Thanks for the suggestion! I'll add it to my list

[@YeeWhoEnterHere]

I get angry with myself, especially if I don't get a task completed. I don't throw a big tantrum, but I get in a real funk afterwards which does not help me at all. I find it hard to rationalise and up-cycle my mood back again. It's like from the tiny bit of I'll feeling I have huge emotional depressive hang over. I'm determined to fix this as much as I can but it's hard.

[@pretty1901]

Amazing content Emma, this is a treasure for a lot of people like me struggling with our emotional functioning and mental health.

[@user-vv7ds4tf7x]

Thank you very much for this. It's hard for me to really feel and be true to myself. Stressed, depressed, helpless, I end up being rebellious. I'll do this home work and will make time for myself. 🙏May God continue to bountifully bless you and this ministry of psychological support to all humanity.❤️

[@dkpretorius]

Good job keeping it real, and light by adding humour and sarcasm. It's so helpful, breaks off the "edge" of serious matters. Also, I appreciated the examples given, it switches on a lightbulb. You be blessed too 👍🏻

[@chloewitmondt6486]

This is powerfully helpful, accessible, and practical. I noticed that each “must” aligned with meeting needs in a social, emotional, and physical level. We must be accepted (social), we must be treated fairly (emotional), we must get what we want (physical). It seems like these cognitive “musts” are a deep desire to be SAFE on a social, physical, and emotional level.

[@lavanyanarasimhan467]

Great job. Thanks! Such precious gems makes KZbin worthy to watch and listen 👏🏼🙏🏼

[@bignugg557]

I think you’ve cured my depression.

[@theologytherapist]

This is such an insightful video and thank you for sharing this information! Learning how to recognize your own patterns takes time to do, & it's important to note them down so that brainstorming ways to self-regulate and change previously set patterns can take just as much time to do as well! There is no "one-size-fits-all" option and it's all a non-linear process. ❤

[@Patterner]

i never expected everybody to "treat me fairly and kindly" but the experience was "never"

[@marionjohnson8596]

You do a great job Emma, you’re helping a lot of people.

[@vj12343]

I disagree when it comes to purely transactional relationships like work. It’s important to recognize you’re not being treated fairly by being denied a raise/promotion when you’ve proven you’re worth it. That’s when you know it’s time to move on and bring better things into your life.

[@coimbralaw]

There’s a level of narcissistic grandiosity in your expectation. It only proves the video more correct than it was before I read your inane comment.

[@vj12343]

@@coimbralaw what the f are you babbling on about

[@antidepressant11]

How dare you! Are you saying some of my thinking is flawed?

[@EquineBallet]

“Musterbate” thank you for coing something that helps the world make more sense! Your videos have helped me and so many others.

[@MarionMakarewicz]

Emma. Thank you for your videos. So reasonable, so hopeful. I do find that I have to take them in small doses and not binge watch as going through the back catalog can be a bit overwhelming.

[@kimberliesiegel6221]

Amazing video! Very clear!❤

[@paulstejskal]

Thank you Emma. This is another great video.

[@tracygarcia6406]

Wow, thank you Emma! There were some things i never thought about.... And they were so helpful!

[@slobodanudarac5]

Very helpful, Emma. Thanks!

[@mocajrx1047]

I’m going through all of the must thoughts over an interpersonal interaction right now. I even spent an entire depressive day in bed this week. I really needed to hear this today!

[@MiZShortiiE]

I love how educational your videos are ❤ thank you!

[@RiPp1er]

Thank you so much for this video! It has helped give me a concrete strategy for dealing with the ups and downs of my relationship.

[@ladymcdonald12]

I have been in a funk lately. I really needed this. Thank you.

[@anotherealm47]

Thank you for this.

[@mmioknet]

Will you please direct me to a link on how to deal with grief. My roommate who I developed feelings for passed away in April 2021 while she was away in Ohio and 4 days before she was to come home. I didn't realize until the first week that she was gone that those feelings were love. Her body was brought back to Florida for a Christian burial and I've been to the cemetery everyday only missing a day here and there. I realize that this is not healthy yet I go there to be near her. I think about her every minute that I'm awake. My heart is 💔. Meeting her and having her in my everyday life helped me out of depression brought on by a divorce after a 33 year relationship.

[@jagoda6473]

Thank you for this video ❤

[@MrNatetimm]

You were very comedic today 😂 love it. Also thank you for always providing us with consistent, informative, and comforting content 🙏🏽

[@dee5356]

Thank you for this helpful information!

[@annas8308]

This video is soooooo helpful! Thanks, girl!

[@CaesarinaPaul]

You are so generous. Thank you.

[@mern212]

Loved this video! Really funny way to present solutions 🎉

[@hughtempleton8640]

Thank you so much for sharing these amazing videos . ❤

[@adamlewis3729]

I don't get mad at bad drivers because of some selfish need to get somewhere faster, I just hate general inconsideration and dangerous drivers. It's not about me personally.

[@thecitizenjoan]

Life changing Information! God Bless you these are hard truths everyone needs to accept including myself. I think the reason many of us suffer with these subconscious beliefs is because many of us were taught these musts in Western Culture through movies and television even in school and from our parents. When I go back watch some of the old Disney and Nickelodeon shows I loved growing up so many of the characters are written as spoiled little Narcissists and many people like myself were babysat by the television and subconsciously absorbed these traits of fictitious characters that don’t operate in the real world. So again Thank You for sharing this!

[@mabel.222]

Your videos really help me and calm me down. Thank you Emma 🩷

[@DivineMystikalTraveler]

Needed this

[@imagine-sg6kr]

Omg she's soo good at this just watching this makes me feel better

[@johnturner5864]

Thank Emma! Your amazing!

[@LALew850]

Thank you. This is a good lesson. It reminded me of a day I was driving way too fast in traffic. My first child, still an infant had a very high fever. As a new parent I was panicked and rushing to the doctor. Someone took offense and drove very slowly so I couldn’t pass. We did get to the dr my child was helped and I learned how to deal with fevers. And for 37 years now, when I see a rushing driver riding my backside I try to get out of their way as quickly as possible. It just might be an emergency.

[@DivineMystikalTraveler]

Thank you, I don't have money for Dr. visits currently and this may have saved my Life.

[@rhbmn]

Great video! Thank you.

[@leowalia2263]

thanks Emma.....you are a blessing for community.......

[@sue8370]

Road safety is important, and i do loathe people who drive recklessly. But agree, trivial things like driving slow or not being quick with the green lights is no big deal. I've been beeped at because I'm 2kms under speed limit...geez. Love this video...thankyou, its very helpful.

[@lorenzomolinati3002]

thank you for your videos!

[@karlenedavies6655]

Helpful as always...thanks.

[@jdt8983]

These things take care of themselves somewhat once your mental health is well handled because if you get rejected you care less and that also in turn makes you less likely to get rejected etc. But I appreciate the feedback of rejection because sometimes it mirrors that whatever I tweaked for myself maybe didn't work (say a supplement that increased my anxiety), and the reflection is there. Of course that's not necessarily an accurate way to judge things on a regular basis, but it can work as confirmation sometimes. Unfortunately it can be difficult to know ourselves sometimes

[@stephsstuckinatruck]

Wow, this really really spoke to me. I definitely have some must issues.

[@johngoudie6676]

Loved this video too, definitely helps me to do some self testing👍

[@joseph8468]

McAdam, you are a marvel. Thank you for posting this lesson.

[@mrsmucha]

A fantastic and helpful video!

[@pepolite4082]

Huh. Well that girl that you brought up saying "we need to work for our food?" well, I understand her way of thinking. The world isnt kind but we could change that. We could put more energy into a system like that. It wont happen "tomorrow" but once capatalism is in its last stages, it might be very much considered. How shit is going, this system isnt going to last. I understand the rage. So put that rage into making a difference while still surviving, if one can.

[@editornia]

Thank you; your video DID help me, and I do feel calmer than when I started watching it. I hope you have a great week! (=

[@gloriaterry333]

Thank you!❤

[@themorningflightinindonesi3558]

Thanks for teaching us, it was simply an awesome lesson.

[@dianndp4957]

Today i was feeling angry and irritated and when I wrote down three reasons I felt that way I identified that it was one for each of 'Must' listed in this video. 3 out of 3 😅. Thank you for this video, it helped me change my thoughts and behaviour 🤗

[@CharlesBudde-vx6vi]

Directly apropos for me this day. Much thanks. Amazing how 'caught up' in the merry-go-round can just happen AND seem reasonable in the moment.

[@prsee5969]

Mental health is very important… but I tend to flip the script and think I’m always in the wrong, which MOST of the time I’m not in the wrong at all I’m right I just convince myself I’m not. Just an idiot. Well bad inner monologue. Thanks for the help I picked up on your video I appreciate it.

[@ShreyafromIndia]

Hey Emma, I realize I have all three.. Being aware of this will help me.

[@angelahull9064]

Rationality helps a great deal to break patterns of behavior and thoughts that are hurting you. But it does not fix everything. You cannot fix your automatic flight or fight response, but you can train to behave differently in response to it, instead of internalizing and somatizing those stressors. You cannot think your way out of any neuroatypical conditions, but you can learn how to adapt to stressors to be able to function and thrive in spite of them. The sensory systems, limbic system, parasympathetic system, neurological development, and higher cognitive processing need to heal from damage caused by real trauma and relearn how to respond to stressors in more helpful, adaptive ways.

[@rezanlin]

Your videos help me a lot. Thank you.❤

[@allthingsbloggy]

I was going through account to look for a video like this 😭 what perfect timing 🤍

[@vikramingleshwar5732]

Great video, god bless you and family.

[@leahopping1084]

Love your videos you are amazing and you are so helpful

[@simco7473]

I realised this recently, it was my irrational internal "private speech" that might make me feel negative emotions. Keeping an eye of what thoughts land is the key. Being the air traffic controller.

[@eggface17]

YOU are AMAZING 🤩

[@nileshmamidwar5054]

Thanks!

[@jeffthompson1164]

This is a really good topic. Really enjoyed this. Could you possibly do a video on the inner (and sudden) need to change jobs and leave situations. Hard to explain but after 25 years in the same job (which I once loved), I have an overwhelming need to move on, despite knowing how good I have it.

[@crumbtember]

I see your point about a lot of this, but I do think it's a bit insensitive to conflate people's experience with economic exploitation as throwing a tantrum, same goes for all social ills. I think it's important to acknowledge the flawed system and work to change those things in addition to trying ones best to live life.

[@zabbee2323]

I was thinking the same thing throughout the entire video. Where do we draw the line between irrational, entitled thinking and anger at genuine injustice? If a careless driver is endangering the lives of everyone around them, why wouldn't you feel stressed? If you live in a society that prioritizes profit over people's well beings, why wouldn't you feel depressed and angry? If we are expected to be kind and considerate of others, is it really so unreasonable to expect that of other people? It may not be helpful to dwell on those feelings, but neither is passively accepting the status quo.

[@RyanFowlerSOS]

Irrational thinking triggers subconscious trauma. The subconscious is the main source of emotions, and it's tied to emotional trauma stored in the body. This is the problem with CBT. It's helpful but only to a limited degree, because of how reductive and incomplete it is. It is symptom management with a very limited ability to fix the root problem. Work on the real source of trauma, and the effectiveness of your treatments go up, bare minimum, by a factor of 20-30.

[@cassandro9445]

Love your sense of humour 😂❤

[@Katman718]

Thank You ✌️🤟

[@elizabethgrant9833]

My husband is the “frustrated driver” type. But, on more than 1 occasion, we called the police right on the spot! And in 1 instance, we saw that the police were able to stop the driver, just by our call! How cool was that. ( it was a very unsafe, erratic driver, not just little faults).

[@RajivRajgorEcstatic]

Binge watching your videos you are a blessing love & light from India 💘

[@teknophyle1]

sometimes I wonder if I learned many of my "cognitive distortions" in church. I know you're religious but you're also very rational so I'm curious what your take is on that.

[@MiArtStuff]

Thank you for working with the Universe, your message found me today just as I needed a reminder.

[@jamieocean7]

i love the thumbnail so much