Reframe Your Negative Thoughts: Change How You See the World 17/30 How to Process Emotions

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You can change your negative thoughts by learning the skill of reframing. In this video I’m going to teach you a technique that therapists use in almost every session but you probably didn’t know about. And when you learn how to do it yourself, you can change how you think and feel.
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Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
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[@quynhanh3067]

But what if our negative perceptions are true realities and our positive ones are overly positive? I think most people with negative thoughts don't mind changing, they are simply worried that positivity is false and negativity is not as likely as a defense mech for themselves

[@TherapyinaNutshell]

Yes. It’s not the positive is good and negative is bad or false. It’s that with many many things we don’t know what’s true and instead have to make our best guess. And that’s an assumption. And the types of assumptions we consistently make determine to a degree how we feel and act. So we humbly acknowledge that we can’t know which thoughts are “true” and instead we have to choose which thoughts we will act on. So choose the most helpful ones.

[@brianstephenson4713]

@@TherapyinaNutshell I hope you respond more to the comments section. I had a question, but I can't recall it right now. Great content though! This information is helping me. Thank you.

[@quynhanh3067]

@@TherapyinaNutshell I completely agree! thank you:)

[@tonyburton419]

Even if the "stories" are accurate, it is how they function, and how they are working in the here & now in respect to one's values.

[@radwi69]

Yes,I guess this is the case with me! For some reasons ( up bringing-domestic circumstances-childhood bad experiences-beliefs ) I wrongfully thought and still think most of the time, that too much optimism will eventually bring about disappointment. It had so many times left me with despair ….. ……. It certainly had created a vicious cycle of self-imposed pessimism. In other words, I am too afraid to be truly happy and joyful. It also affected my ability to appropriately handle various other emotions and often my actions thence ( Black & White/All or None thinking ).

[@lindabelcher8087]

Instead of getting road rage when someone speeds by or cuts me off, I just tell my kids that those people are rushing home cuz they really gotta poop😅

[@kellyeats_oats]

😂😂

[@BravosReviews]

What does “cutting” someone off mean?

[@TheTman9898]

@@BravosReviews they just really badly want to fit in 😂

[@cynthiageskes1457]

If you are one of the many clueless people who refuse to acknowledge that the furthest left lane on a freeway (excluding car pool lanes) is the passing lane and you should move to the right or speed up if you are driving slower than cars in the lane to the right. Or if you are a person who leaves excessive spaces between your car and the car in front of you, people will rage or cut you off. If you drive with tunnel vision - not paying attention to what's happening behind and to the side of your car, i.e. car to your left has indicator on and needs to move over, so you should slow down or speed up, but you keep driving your car right next to that car you will cause road rage. To often those who "Don't speed and are safe driver's" cause other drivers to rage.

[@motivationalpage3660]

@@cynthiageskes1457 It’s the drivers responsibility not to rage. If they blame others as to why they rage they are a weak minded person and give others control of their life.

[@ashley-pc2cd]

9:14 “just because we think something doesn’t mean it’s true, but how we consistently think leads to how we feel!” ‼️

[@ashley-pc2cd]

9:45 you can CHOOSE how you feel by choosing what story you tell yourself!

[@ashley-pc2cd]

10:14 reframing‼️

[@ashley-pc2cd]

10:23 do the 6 pack exercise‼️

[@ashley-pc2cd]

11:16 1: is my story truthful?

[@ashley-pc2cd]

11:37 2: is my story KIND?

[@liketeenspiritI]

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for this channel. I have been struggling with anxiety, negative thoughts, lack of self-esteem since 2021 and it has been only getting worse and worse. It has put my life on big troubles and I hurt people who care about me. I did therapy but it was unfocused and mostly talking about how my week was. I commit myself to stop giving this so many time of my life, I wanna be in love with life again. I have been so lucky I just found your channel and such a good helpful content FOR FREE is such a miracle. You are an angel on Earth, I can see you are a therapist from your heart. I wish life brings you back all the good your once gave.

[@sandrag3225]

The desk is over the chair, like in a protective posture. They fit together beautifully. The desk provides a space for great work or art to be created. It supports what needs to be done while the chair supports the person doing it. They are a pair!

[@taraallen6671]

My thoughts exactly

[@Blessednesting]

The desk is the mother of the chair because she engulfs, protects and surrounds it. He/she can safely tuck inside and rest. Reminds me of how our relationship with our own parents should be or should have been as children. I pray that I provide the emotional support to my children that I needed as a child. 🙏🏻♥️

[@kharmalade544]

Thank you for actually answering the question. Not many others did.

[@aslmad1]

@@kharmalade544 see my answer. What do you think?

[@seminawahab5754]

The desk lies still while the chair moves like a child runs

[@edgarferragut2269]

The desk was made from a single tree and the chair was built from it's sapling

[@annetterussell1301]

My thoughts as well

[@OrganizedWithJoy]

"Just because we think something doesn't mean it's true. But how we consistently think leads to how we feel." Wow, so good!! I just recently found your channel and I really appreciate this information you are sharing!😊

[@kyara_tingz-7716]

Same I love her already one of my new favorite KZbinrs 🫶🏼

[@-MakeItGood-]

I read that line as she said it. Coincidence? Hmmm..

[@Discovery_and_Change]

0:24 Acceptance and commitment therapy 1:39 Your mind is a story creator 1:59 Our assumptions, stories, and unconscious interpretations create our reality and feelings 4:09 Question your narratives about situations 4:50 What if things aren't about you at all? (when you think you're the reason something isn't working) 5:35 Change your life by creating new "stories" 6:06 We can change how we feel and solve problems (when we change stories) 6:35 Your interpretations are the "stories" 9:19 How we consistently think leads to how we feel 10:02 You can choose your thoughts 10:12 Reframing: look at things from different perspective 10:58 Explore different ways of seeing things, then choose the story that's most helpful 11:19 Is my story truthful? Kind? Does it give me power to act? 12:35 Focus on what you CAN control 13:10 Check if YOU are living the values you want others to have 13:40 We aren't saints ourselves 14:05 Take a break from the situation. Do activities that make you feel calm, loving, and open. Write about it. Get other people's perspectives 14:55 Open yourself to have more choice in life 15:05 Have a growth mindset. What can I learn from this? How can it help me? 15:30 Sometimes I imagine people are robots sent to test how I'll react to situations 15:50 Our stories create our reality and how we feel and act 15:55 Decide which stories to give your energy to. That can free you and change how you feel

[@StarlightKii]

Thank you! ❤

[@liketeenspiritI]

Thank you! Just wrote the notes on my helping mindset notebook

[@bhavisha5465]

Thank you❤

[@PositiveEnergy733]

To those on a journey of healing, sending love your way. Remember, it's important not to resist loving yourself. Know that you are deeply loved and deserving of all the joy and pleasure life has to offer. My heart is with you, and I want to express my gratitude for your existence. You are truly beautiful, and your light shines brightly. Thank you for simply being you.

[@francoiseturgeon8015]

Thank you so much for your comment, that’s what I deeply needed on this precise moment of my life. I had very bad times these last days, I was searching for some answers and asked the universe to send me something that would help. And then I read your message and that made me feel a lot better and hopeful. I send you all my love, peace and kindness. 🥰

[@MatterInMyMind]

☯️

[@sophiedumain2400]

Sooooo useful. This woman has such a lovely vibe. I would choose her as a therapist any time.

[@LUrzidil-rn7nd]

if you and her wouldnt lie and call it communication, knowledge, therapy and so on ...

[@user-xy1sc5wq7w]

Educate yourself through this video. Please give me your opinion after watching the video. I love you allm.kzbin.info/www/bejne/mpnSapKnnsuUhMU

[@gregriddle3042]

Agreed!!

[@MrPLC999]

If you're serious about changing the way you see the world, you may want to consider how God sees it. Why change just to end up wrong again?

[@keisha2544]

I love her vibe too. She seems down to earth and caring.

[@azadarkhan6336]

You are doing service to humanity by making these life changing videos free to people suffering from mental illness. You are great. God bless you.

[@sulpanharahap6502]

It is really helpfull. It is miracle

[@traceyhoover]

A kindness and service to humanity. Well said.

[@kerrimurphy4107]

I really needed this today. I have been struggling with my negative mind running the show. Lately, I have felt on the verge of a break down.. I am learning that I must pay attention to my thoughts.

[@MsLaura4000]

This CD has three separate relaxation/meditation sessions on it kzbin.infoUgkxzpa8CIfZcihW4Z0F_ja0QF3W9KIatrsq guided by a very pleasant and direct male voice. Unlike so many other products of its type, this CD does not have bad synthesizer music, does not feature a phony or affected style of narration, and does not make any bogus claims to be subliminal or to re-train the brain or any of that balderdash. What you get is 1. a guided meditation for getting into a pleasantly relaxed state of body awareness while taking a stroll (superb for those easing back into a fitness routine slowly after an illness or injury) 2. A nice long breath-awareness relaxation session that if followed diligently can put you into very deep states of full-body relaxation and mental calmness, and 3. a buddhist-inspired meditation session designed to help you develop and maintain feelings of loving kindness toward not just yourself and your friends, but toward people you don't even like. The CD makes no claims to be designed for advanced meditators or for buddhists or hindus/yoga practitioners looking for very deep and esoteric stuff. It is geared more toward the average person who just wants to develop the habit of relaxation and stress relief through natural, healthy means. him, if you happen to be reading this, keep up the good work fella, and I love your accent. I would also like to note that I have never fallen asleep while listening to this product. I would like to kindly suggest to the reviewer who said this CD makes him fall asleep, that he might want to get checked to see if he has a sleep disorder, or if he is simply not setting aside ample time for restful sleep at night. A healthy person getting adequate rest at night should be able to go into deep states of mental relaxation without dozing off, if not all the time, then most of the time.

[@bruceleeharveyoswald5104]

The desk packs the chair's lunch before school every morning.

[@gerrieshapiro2147]

Where did you buy this desk?....I need one!!

[@TheIntuitiveShaman]

Lol

[@jillpruett3444]

The desk is a helicopter desk.

[@eveallusion]

😂

[@CrumbsDM]

Wow, what a desk! 👌🏻 😁

[@novalolmanzero3]

The desk surrounds the chair, protecting him

[@TheJoseG]

😂

[@nahedmahmoud2972]

🤣🤣

[@1down12go]

But the desk isn't watching the chair's back

[@gerrieshapiro2147]

Lmao that also what my mind came up with...great minds think alike😛😛😛

[@sparrow2831]

I love this comment 💙

[@heathermatthews7422]

I needed this slap in the back of my head. Eternal Gratitude for for this fabulous series! 😊 I'm 50 yrs old and changing for the better with your help. Excellent work ❣️🌠

[@nancyayotte2297]

😂 me too sister and im 58😮 😅

[@ByWayOfDeception]

I wish even half of therapists were like this.

[@francesgarcia1446]

I have lived with mental illness for more than 40 years, but I never stop learning or growing my mental health. Your videos are amazing. They reinforce some of the things I've learned in the past, and they teach me new ways to deal and heal. Thank you.

[@windygonzales4115]

That is amazing, you’re dealing it for how many years. You must be so strong. Salute to that.

[@PraveenSriram]

I’m turning 39 years old next Thursday and lived with mental health issues the past 31 years since age 7/8. Been getting a lot of help for the past 3 decades.

[@hanta6898]

@@PraveenSriram hello praveen

[@Nialuv246]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@Nialuv246]

You just gave me hop .So beautiful for us both❤love yah

[@SeanRhoadesChristopher]

My Six Pack: 1. Maybe she’s lazy - creates a feeling hopelessness 2. Maybe she’s a narcissist - feelings of anger 3. Maybe she’s been raised in a family where she was never expected to do chores - feelings of frustration 4. Maybe she just doesn’t care - feelings of anger 5. Maybe her Circadian rhythm is off and she is not well rested - feelings of concern 6. Maybe her need for organization is at a lower threshold than mine? - feelings of understanding

[@Nini-ek6on]

Boy I think we can all relate to falling into the comparison trap..I think the hardest thing is to let go and not expect others to be what WE want them to be even when we think or know they are not living up to their full potential..I'll never forget hearing a favorite tv pastor talk about counseling a husband asking him if there were ANY good things about his wife to which he responded "yes" but the fact that she didn't possess the skills to keep the house clean about ended their marriage..so the pastor solved the whole issue by saying ..then why don't you just hire a cleaning lady..? And they did.

[@antispindr8613]

OR, seven, just get a new room mate? SORTED!

[@Belzedar]

I have to confess. I'm biased against the female therapists on KZbin. I find them pink and fluffy and sacharin sweet. Too much positivity and 'fake it til you make it' and pop psychology.THIS had me hooked from the start. I really took to the strong clear voice and stayed round long enough to appreciate the clarity of thought. So I'm a fan. Who knew!

[@Belzedar]

HAH, you are Irish. I thought I picked up on that. Conas atá tú? (For those who don't know it, that's Irish for "Howya")

[@lizanne4685]

Sis, you have helped me a lot when I was dealing with self esteem and worthlessness.. Now you are helping me to face problems without cracking to the pressure.. Thank you so much. Your voice and the way you tell it makes me feel like it will be ok i will be okay. :)

[@phillipsantana2633]

You're so right Emma has the know how in her stellar advice factor in her voice and body language and you got lightning in a bottle.

[@kendrahazen1150]

As a teacher we use the acronym THINK (True? Helpful? Inspiring? Necessary? Kind?) to teach kids to stop and THINK about what they say before they say it. I’ve been using it to challenge my cognitive distortions. But I’ve really needed that 3rd question to ask myself - what gives me power to act. The 3rd question moves the process from thoughts into a principle based action.

[@jessitabonita]

3 minutes in, and I’m already crying. I’m about to turn 29 and have had ALL the same self-hating thoughts while longing to be a wife and mother. Thank you and may God bless you!

[@user-xy1sc5wq7w]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/fZ_RdWqPirysmKs

[@steveabe7539]

Hi I'm 31 from USA and looking to get married are you still single

[@theandrewhenderson]

Good luck to you, Jessita. 😊

[@Choukobunbun]

Same here, except I can’t help but think that in my case it might actually be true. I have medical issues, and am somewhat limited physically. I almost got married to my fiancé, but we are no longer together after I had a mental breakdown. But I had to have an occiputocervical fusion, which took a whole year to heal and left me struggling to take care of chores, and his toddler. All I wanted was to be able to take care of my family, but It was difficult and I wasn’t able to do enough, even though we were happy. Now that I am healed I would love to believe that I could actually be a wife and mother but I can’t help but think believing that would be utterly delusional.. not to mention that my condition is genetic with a 50% chance of passing it on to my children, so maybe god really doesn’t want me to have kids and ruin them. In my case I am defective and with mental illness on top of the other stuff, it’s hard to tell myself that I just need to reframe my negative thoughts.

[@bobmalooga335]

I'm 40 and not vaccinated

[@user-gs1rl7nv8g]

Oh my gosh I knew it!!! WHY DOES EVERYTHING “HAVE” to be connected!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤❤

[@shawnadavis7356]

Thank you so much for these videos. I’m in my 30s and didn’t start counseling until now. That along with these videos are literally life changing. I wish I had these skills sooner. They seem so basic but I lived in my head so much I couldn’t see the solutions without outside guidance.

[@kimbaxley7595]

My immediate thought was "it's not". The desk is not the mother of the chair. I love your videos. They help more than any therapist appointment I have been to.

[@Paul999799]

It’s a brilliant compliment to the chair, while the desk doesn’t need a chair and vice versa, life is a lot easier with both

[@everydayvacaytaj]

And, as I've learned from Abraham Hicks, the idea that feels the best when you think it is the most correct one. In other words, when you're going through all of those possibilities and they make you feel different things, the better the feeling the closer it is to truth. That's what's called the emotional guidance system, that we all have built-in.

[@hectorg362]

That desk/chair anology made me realize how my own thoughts have been keeping me down for years now. Thanks for this content. I needed this.

[@gunitsahani4263]

I've been under 4 therapists in around 22 years of OCD and your videos have added so much more value and insight into my disease and how I can battle it. I can finally see a ray of hope in what has been a hellishly dark pit. Thank you so much

[@akanksha1715]

Indian?

[@gunitsahani4263]

@@akanksha1715 Yes :)

[@Kelser0ni]

I have OCD as well and the OCD therapists on the NOCD app helped tremendously in my recovery; I barely have any episodes three years after treatment. I love sharing this app because it really changed my life for the better! 💕

[@thegbgfamily]

Woooow good to hear! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@beautyamongashes8378]

Whoa!!! Major 💡 “DOES YOUR STORY ALIGN WITH YOUR VALUES?!” This just changed everything for me! Thank you so much Emma!!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@girlwithlion]

“how can i interpret my circumstances so i feel hopeful or compassionate?” i love this!!! ❤

[@lauraditaranto2346]

She covers it, surrounds it without inhibiting it.

[@JayJay-ki4mi]

I used to be very angry and paranoid. But after spending a lot of time reframing my thoughts and thinking about situations in other ways that has gone away. I watched this so I could share it with my partner who is struggling badly at the moment. But she didn't want to watch it and I almost had a situation where I felt a bit annoyed, and then I had to reframe my thinking.

[@Mossy-Rock]

"How is the desk the mother of the chair?" After 30 seconds, the only response I could think of is, "this does not compute."

[@DaRyteJuan]

Not only that, it’s pretty bad “therapy” to lob trick questions at your patients and invite them to make fools of themselves just to prove your point.

[@vtksolid9127]

the first 15 i could just picture it nothing else!

[@OneSongCloser]

@@DaRyteJuan Who said she was making us into fools? Sounds like some projection to me

[@DaRyteJuan]

@@OneSongCloser Yeah. You don’t lob trick questions at your patients. The therapist is laying a trap for the client to walk into. Probably at least half of the people who go to therapy have some kind of trust issues. And laying out a trap in that context is destructive. I’d like you to picture yourself going to a therapist and says you, “Now close your eyes and just fall backwards. I’ll catch you.” But then she lets you fall backwards onto the floor without making any attempt to break your fall. Then when you realize what happened, she say, “Why would think that I had the strength to catch you?” I don’t know about you, but most other people are going to feel pretty stupid for trusting that therapist and never trust her again. I mean, if you consider that good therapy, then go for it.

[@dogscratchedoor]

And yet............... None of that happened.

[@joelkong9060]

When we see things done only one way, we are rigid, inflexible and often feel powerless to act....that line got me straight in the heart. The issue with cleanliness and doing things immediately highlighted how uptight I can be when I can't stand untidiness.

[@Medinalaura11]

You're an angel on earth. Thank you for the work that you do. Thank you for the life-saving resources you put out for free - truly invaluable.

[@garyprange4594]

God bless you bigger and bigger. I’ve spent a lot of time and money on therapy. Then find out there’s direct and indirect counseling. I’ve always got indirect counsel. I’m just not a figure it out person. Your compassion and directness touches my soul. You Rock 😎

[@veronicacobb8691]

I want to say thank you for your videos. When I’m feeling depressed or anxious I turn to them and it’s an easy, passive way to help myself feel better when I don’t have the energy to do anything else. You are such a wonderful person. I pray God will bless you abundantly in mind, body, spirit and finances. You are a 🕯 in the dark.

[@a.c.w.1927]

I’m a social work intern in school and I’m interning at a substance abuse and MH outpatient facility and I’ve found your video’s extremely helpful during my internship. Subscribed! 😊

[@AaronSmith-zs6ve]

Me too

[@SonnySurreal]

So much wisdom and ah-ha moments in this video. Your wisdom and experience are deep and your desire to help and teach is obvious and appreciated. Be well and thank you!

[@aravindhsankar9017]

Hello mam. I am from India. I have been watching your videos from last week. It's been a really hard time for me. I got rejected on every jobs I applied. I was shattered and felt worse. Your videos came as a blessing to me. I applied the concepts you taught through your videos in my real life. Especially I found your catastrophic video you posted last year very useful. You made a difference in my life. I am more than motivated now and I am sure I will land in a job very soon. Keep doing this videos mam. Thank you again for your wonderful work.

[@mfrancisco_850]

Omg yes I worry about work and money too

[@luckydevil1601]

Did you land a job?

[@jenjencannon3224]

Amazing work Emma. 💪 "Because the chair nests under the desk and the desk protects the chair... at least 65% of the chair is tucked in and covered by the desk. It can also be pulled out and have a turn at supporting others sometimes. "

[@marshallkinne9009]

The desk is the mother of the chair because a desk is used to foster creations and some creations take more time than others and we need a place to sit so we don’t tire ourselves. In other words, necessity is the mother of invention.

[@Amazing-art907]

😊

[@yvonnepearson2080]

I just want to say thank you for posting this video. I am in my first year of graduate school for marriage and family therapy, and I wish you were one of my professors! You made reframing so understandable. I actually found your video while searching for reframing techniques and examples to aid in my preparation for a video presentation I am doing next week. Thank you so much.

[@NandyzSoulshine]

The story that gives us space to take action, to choose is the one that helps us spend our emotions wisely... living this truth right now and loving it.

[@laurzee]

This is so good! I forget that our brains make up the stories and they may not be based on truth. I really appreciate you bringing this to my attention so that I can hold it and examine it helpfully.

[@thegbgfamily]

Actually you yourself just expressed that with unpresedented compromised clarity. Good work. Good spark!

[@DaBlomMusic]

The desk is the reason the chair is where it is, and has a purpose.

[@libertybe816]

I appreciate you more than I can find the words to express. Thank you for your time and willingness to teach others.

[@MelissaTrahan09]

The chair wouldn’t be where it is without the desk.

[@kookatsoonjan]

ha ha...so true...

[@auntylinda7640]

Why? X

[@tammybeckstrand6096]

that’s what I thought - and I thought it would be the right answer too😄

[@petebeckett3756]

@@auntylinda7640 well, it wouldn't be.. standing next to a desk.. maybe its chained to the desk.. if not, i dont see how the desk can get kudos for the chairs place in the world.. X

[@DaRyteJuan]

The chair definitely doesn’t need the desk. But depending on the height of the desk, it’s pretty much dependent upon the chair. 🪑

[@jessicaboyles3903]

I can not thank you enough for this content. Your willingness to share your knowledge is invaluable to those of us who don’t have insurance and can’t afford therapy. This is so helpful and also super validating of how I’m currently growing and what I’ve been working on personally. I appreciate you!!

[@Ottophil]

God? No thanks. Bye

[@silleecat]

I stumbled on your channel tonight by KZbin making a suggestion and I’m so glad I’m here. You are amazing! Thank you for creating these videos 😊

[@user-te8ss8is6r]

Because the desk usually protects the chair as you always slide the chair under the desk or table usually. Also because when sitting in a chair you lean onto the desk to write or for support as in life you would lean on your mother for support or a shoulder to lean on.

[@blazemordly9746]

Emma~ I immediately got up and promptly asked my chair why I wasn't told about Desk being it's mother. Chair just sat there, as if to say, "Wait for it..." then you answered my question with 'The Desk is.......' . Chair just sat there as I silently eased back onto it, and together we learned from you yet again. ") *edited from giving out the question's answer.

[@joecaz]

5:22 Now, in this situation, the way she was interpreting her challenge was creating a roadblock for her. How we consistently see problems, how we interpret life, that creates our reality. One of the ways that we can change our life is by opening up some space for new stories. 5:50 This exercise is all about creating space around our thinking, so that we can hopefully choose which set of stories to believe, which set of stories we want to act on. And when we do this we can change how we feel and we can solve problems in our lives. 9:14 JUST BECAUSE WE THINK SOMETHING DOESN'T MEAN IT'S TRUE, but how we consistently think leads to how we feel. So, my thought “she's so selfish,” leads to me feeling angry. Thinking I deserve to be mistreated left me feeling depressed. Thinking maybe “she's completely overwhelmed” helped me feel compassion for her. And thinking “what if she doesn't know what bugs me” gave me a little hope that things could improve if I talk to her. You can choose how you consistently feel by choosing which stories, which interpretation of situations, you consistently believe. When we can only see things one way, we are rigid, inflexible, and we often feel powerless to act. When we open ourselves up to different ways of seeing, we can choose which thoughts line up with the values that we want to act on. So, here's the technique that therapists use all the time. It's called REFRAMING. 10:48 I am not saying that all stories are equal; I'm saying that the process of considering alternatives, it's this process that frees us to choose healing. So, allow yourself to explore different ways of seeing things, and then after you've opened up to seeing these different alternatives, then you can choose a story that's most helpful for you. Here are three questions you could ask yourself that may be helpful in deciding which story you want to act on. 1. Is my story truthful? choose between a variety of stories based on our values. 2. Is my story kind? choose a story that lines up with the kind of person I want to be. 3. Does my story give me the power to act? Asking instead, you know, where's my locus of control, how can I change or influence this situation? When we have a story that gives us a little bit of power in our situation, this is going to give us more ability to choose, you know, what we're going to do and how we're going to feel. Those three questions can help us get a little bit of clarity on which story we want to choose and act on. 15:41 The bottom line is we make an interpretation of every circumstance in our life, and our interpretations, OUR STORIES CREATE OUR REALITY. They color our view and they determine how we feel and how we act. But if we can learn to notice our stories, we can choose which ones we're going to give our energy to, and that can free you to change how you feel and solve more problems. Basically, learning the skill of REFRAMING is a key to living a happier life.

[@everydayvacaytaj]

Fyi this is the top video that comes up when you search "why do I think so negatively about my life"

[@tworku]

I love your content Emma! You are my hero!

[@markgregoryh.8353]

In my view, this human has helped me cope more than the hours of therapy I have experienced.

[@vivaldirules]

“It’s the process that frees us....” That was incredibly useful. I’ve heard of many times (and occasionally used) reframing but usually it’s suggested with only one or two alternative reframings which often seem meant to lead us to the one story they want us to see. Your example of six (ten) alternatives makes clear the process of considering several (even many) alternative views and trying to learn from that process instead of clinging to a story or one alternative. Eventually it becomes clear to me that my head has picked up on one that may not be helpful or true and I could just stop getting hung up on the story and instead work on an objective remedy. Very, very useful. Thank you!

[@anaguevara1900]

The feelings attached to the scenarios has lifted 20 pounds off of me it seems

[@angelasewell8311]

The desk is over the chair as the protection

[@slaybotcom]

this is amazing. this is actually really great. thank you so much for making this video. i'm thankful and appreciate the help it does for people who can't afford or go to therapy

[@jaazmohamed7044]

Like a docile child, a chair can tuck itself under its mother desk, or like a playful child, it can climb onto its back, adding a touch of euphoria

[@kameaokalanikalota-uzia5985]

The desk determines where the chair goes.

[@auntylinda7640]

Mmmm nope. That's not the desks decision. It is the humans one x

[@barouvictoria9787]

I love this!!!! I started doing this by myself noticing that sometimes we are assuming things we don’t have a clue about and it’s a lot of pretending people have bad intentions towards us, or us being super mean with ourselves 😂 I’m on my way to changing my thought and exploring more options. Thanks for your channel. And your voice is super cool to hear ❤

[@plantyfan]

15:33 Everyone else is a robot to test me -- love that!

[@self-helpnathan6557]

This video helped me so much. I’ve been chewed out by my manager and threatened to be fired by him. I’ve been super upset about it. Now I can change my interpretation of the situation into a more understanding viewpoint. I already feel less irritated by the situation. Thank you so much. I subscribed to ur channel ❤️

[@brigittegilmore5756]

Without the desk the chair would have never been made💜

[@Stacelicious]

This was so helpful for me and it couldn't have been uploaded at a better time. Earlier I was feeling emotionally attacked by someone. After talking with some friends for a while, they offered more positive ideas, and I wound up feeling compassion towards the individual. I'm going to practice this daily 💗

[@xxvii4xx]

2023 oct at 04;46 I’m watching you and I actually realized how i could open up and communicate after what you taught. Cause I mostly hold things up and when I put out all the good I did goes in-vain because my opinions come across aggressive or too straightforward and I lose the true essence of my feminine energy that way. Thank you for this doc

[@leonardalcalaii9277]

@TherapyInANutshell The desk is... Incomplete with my un tallied last works week un paid hours... I am single, tired from work & still I am sooo glad that you are here on KZbin for me to find answers, faithful clarity & everything I need to know in my personal life to learn & to figure out what to do in my life from a wonderful professional you who is just like me, in all we know to be true & believe ✌😇💖 I sooo appreciate all that you do, to teach & help all those in life who are blessed to learn from you and all your years of experience and from what you know from your own personal life what works best when we are faced with all our fears & things that bring us down in life... Thank you very, very much Sister Therapy IN A Nutshell 💖!!!

[@lynnfriedland9498]

I am therapist and have participated in many workshops, trainings and seminars. I've also had many teachers. So I'm amazed at how much I'm learning from this channel: Emma is so clear, kind and full of practical skills to face whatever challenges my clients and I! are facing. Thank you for these skills concerning the topic of "how we think, leads to how we feel." This shows that we truly have more choices than we think and that what our brains produce might not always be true.

[@winstonchurchll]

Hi! I'm currently struggling with my mental health and I wanted to thank you for making these videos because they are calming and helpful because they provide practical advice on how to keep moving forward. Please know you are helping a lot of people so, thank you for your time and effort here.

[@Whoisinvestment]

You’re like my 2nd favourite aunt❤️ I’ve got a few so trust me it’s a complement You have helped a bunch

[@Raey616]

The chair is like a little baby being covered by it's mother, protected by the desk over it, and it still can look out into the surroundings

[@underwearskids1]

My amygdala is destroying my life. I watched this video 2 weeks ago, and didn't realise until I reached the riddle. I love that analogy, thank you.

[@jeffreymercado2082]

The desk protects the chair when it's not occupied? That's the best I could come up with. lol

[@Stacelicious]

That was my thought too!

[@marthagump7585]

The Desk is the mother of the chair. It gives it a place to rest. It gives a job to do.

[@cuteonlinewaifu]

this was so eye opening, thank you for what you do ❤

[@stephanierosario5615]

Yes I needed this today🙌🏻it was god sent I was feeling very depressed and overwhelmed today because my daughter is failing in school with this online learning making me feel like a terrible mother so thank you❤️ this reminded me that I can choose my thoughts so thank you

[@conradprytz5104]

Hang in there .you are not a terrible mother.

[@kimreid5230]

❤️💙💓

[@maryu8328]

This 6 pack exercise is amaaazing! I know that the “one” I’m ruminating on will still hold the most power but this will help start knocking down its ego a little bit

[@GForce94]

The desk offers a protective space for the chair to rest, when it’s not being active. Sort of an inanimate hug, when tucked in under the desk. 🙃 It’s not right or wrong…but it sure is a fun way to think about it!

[@user-xv7mg1tt7x]

Thank you so much for this! I've been more hopeful about my situation and I believe that in every single day that I'm living, there's something that I'm learning that also makes me a better version of myself. Life is sometimes tough, but it's not going to be like that forever. Right now, I am focusing on improving my relationship more with God and it helps me!!! Praying and hoping that everyone here will be healed and will learn from the hardships we went through!

[@Mary-oy7oe]

I am so incredibly thankful to have found your page. I am a baby therapist (I've had my LMSW for 4 years but just recently started individual therapy) and I started sifting through many different resource tools to look for education for myself. Your channel is so easy to digest, as well as to regurgitate to others! Thank you for providing this resource, especially for free!

[@Charetty]

It's not, it's your perspective too see creativity in problems. If you tend to focus on answering this question, you are dead set on focussing on fixing stuff that are not meant to fix, but accepted. Gosh, what a out-of-the-box question. I'm curious about your explanation. You explain these concepts so down to earth. It hits home

[@supernova11711]

My immediate responses to “why is the desk the mother of the chair?” Were: 1) It hovers over the chair in a protective manner. 2) It does, in fact, protect the chair. 3) It hugs the chair. Her most frequent responses were…nothing like that lol

[@Ant-Tea.]

This is the first video I could listening to and focus and understand. My mental condition had me ALL over the place these last few years. I’m single and not ready to mingle anymore just working on loving me and finding inner true peace

[@karennoske3008]

Wherever there's a desk, a chair is "born" because you can't really use a desk minus a chair. ;-) Fun question!

[@NothingLikeaLadyWithaBuzzsaw]

Standing desks!

[@thewayyouwah9170]

The mother of invention

[@MollieGold]

I'm only 2 minutes in and I had to pause to thank you for these videos. I just recently came across your channel and it has been so beneficial in helping me think outside my typical mindset! you are a fantastic teacher.

[@johngaiti741]

The desk and chair approach is an excellent example. It strikes home

[@mrsb431]

I think that I had a bit of a light bulb moment whilst watching this. The opening exercise, where Emma asks us to provide an explanation for our reasons why we think the desk is the mother of the chair was an excellent exercise in helping to highlight the reasons that we get into trouble with negative thinking is that it seems that for many of us, our brain doesn't have a skeptic built into it. Obviously, we all know that a desk isn't mother to a chair, but many of us still processed this question, as if it were a fact. Thats exactly the way that many brains work with negative thoughts - even though we know that the thoughts most likely are not going to ever materialise (like we know that the table isn't really the chairs mother), the way the brain works is that it wants to go over & get drawn into whatever scenario it decides to present to our minds eye. Excellent exercise in highlighting this process!

[@lyndaallen3883]

Emma, you are a terrific therapist. I only just came across your videos and I am enjoying them so much. I have not listened to enough of them yet to hear why you have created this online presence. I, for one, am thrilled you did. I am a tutor, learning specialist, life and spiritual coach and I really appreciate your ability to so impressively and succinctly present your "therapy in a nutshell". Your videos will be my new resource to share. On a more personal note, I am trying to encourage my hubby to participate with me in your Improve Your Relationships in 30 Days. We have only done the first two parts and for me, obviously it all resonates, but for him it is an uncomfortable experience that I'm not sure he will complete. Whether he does or does not, I can see already that this is a wonderful and very reasonably priced course for anyone who would prefer to do therapy in their own time and in their own space. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, gifts and talents with all of us.

[@stayseyliuu6293]

Thank you for this. I was so down and this helps.

[@manahilnauman2239]

When she said “your unconscious interpretations of situations shapes how you think and act” 👍🏻 We tend to form stories as children by interpreting situations in which we have been wronged. There is no other way to make sense of the trauma. Which is why usually traumas turn into self-blame or guilt

[@judymorgan3917]

I've done a lot of therapy over the years and this was still really helpful. Thanks so much!!!

[@davidfrey5654]

I'm a men's marriage coach and I help men reframe their negative thoughts ALL THE TIME. This is such a useful video. Thank you!

[@gordonwalter4293]

Well presented-clear, concise, well illustrated, caring but to the point without digression...etc.

[@rosalindwhelan581]

Gosh, this is possibly one of the greatest videos I have ever seen on KZbin - signed up to one of your courses xx

[@leon26045]

You are the best. Ive had situations where I stuck to a story for so long that did not serve me and made me miserable. This is amazing and you are a blessing from the universe.

[@j03150315]

This is so helpful! Especially your example of “everyone around you is just a robot to test with you can resolve problems with integrity” I can reframe my mother being an illusion that’s created by the divine as a test for me. Thank you for this channel!

[@Arsalan-Pervez]

This is so lovely, you helping us out here! Thanks a lot for this!!

[@brightpinkstars]

The desk is the one which knowledge is learned from and leanes upon while learning.