THESE Are The Dismissive Avoidant Attachment's Toxic Dating Stories

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Thais Gibson - Personal Development School

Күн бұрын

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@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 11 ай бұрын

What are your toxic dating stories?

@sloppychoppy 11 ай бұрын

Was strung by an avoidant girl and ended it by her posting a story of her pic with a guy I don't even know who out of the blue with some Taylor Swift music on, didn't say anything and blocked her immediately. Wondering who was that • Others 1 in my stories 💀

@riyajacob2909 11 ай бұрын

@@sloppychoppy,another story or post by another man.That's all. You were one of the people who were fooled.Sorry 😔 that you had to go through this.

@Bulldogsrentfree-m7g 11 ай бұрын

Took a girl home after meeting her at the bar. Right before she invited me inside, she started talking about her mother who had died in a car accident they were in when she was six (she literally woke up to find her mother was dead). While I had empathy for her, it was WAY too much too soon and I chose to leave when she invited me in. 😬

@ashton1952 11 ай бұрын

@@sloppychoppya person without character, sorry you had to experience that

@ashton1952 11 ай бұрын

@@Bulldogsrentfree-m7gyeah that's too much too soon. It's like lovebombing but sneakily done the other way around.

@robertadcox8419 11 ай бұрын

The relationship I have with a DA over time has taught me things that I never imagined in another person. At a distance she is one person but up close she is an entirely different. The deep fear for one is real. Its not on the surface but its there deep inside. How could someone not notice that being dismissive can't help but be met with a certain sort of indifference of the partner. But she does notice but cannot seem to tie the action with my reaction. The complete confidence she has in herself is shadowed by the insecurity of the trials of life and relationships. Sometimes my reaction after a dismissive episode is no longer filled with anger on my side but with some sort of weird empathy for her because she becomes her own worst enemy. I could never do to her what she does to herself. When she lets her guard down I see a very warm person. But those moments are few and far between. Somehow I think she knows that I care despite myself being a low key person who is secure. Honest communication is all I know. If most DA's are like what I have seen up close I can only say that you are not missing out on what someone else has to offer you in a good relationship but YOU are missing out on what your own love has to offer yourself. Everyone is afraid from time to time what the future of a relationship holds, but it takes courage to put yourself out there believing that you will be alright no matter what happens.

@GSXR750wx 10 ай бұрын

That's what I say to her, "I don't want you to love me, I want you to love yourself." Her idea of "self-love" is going on expensive holidays, setting and achieving hard targets. Always fighting inside her head, always overthinking. Life doesn't have to be a battle every second of it.

@kgsdesign 11 ай бұрын

I am FA not DA, but I wanted to complete this exercise. When I’m pulling away, I’m often doing so because I’ve realized I’ve begun taking action that is influenced by the desires of this person and not my own. I’m trying to gain clarity of what my true needs and desires are outside of theirs. I have a tendency to be “all or nothing” and become enmeshed in certain relation dynamics.

@MIMIDSH 11 ай бұрын

Does it always stem from childhood? I was wondering if some painful, soured past relationships could bring a person to an avoidant state of mind. For example, a marriage where needs weren't met, demands were unreasonable, sense of failure, feeling trapped etc could change an adult's views to avoid.

@user-lolo14 11 ай бұрын

Loving the slides on screen ❤

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 11 ай бұрын

glad you like them ❤

@Glasses305 11 ай бұрын

I love the exercises and examples

@gregvanpaassen 11 ай бұрын

Unmet needs and neglect aren't fears, they're just the default assumption. There's no emotion of fear there, no disappointment, because there's no expectation, or rather, that's the expectation for how relationships work. My fear is that someone uses what they learn from me to belittle me to others. So: lack of safety. Pulling away is protecting against being talked about, becoming a laughingstock. It still happens with family members so I minimise interactions.

@kaynoname1125 11 ай бұрын

I feel seen by your comment - thank you for sharing. All my life I have felt different - liked at first but as people got close, knew more about me, they abused my trust and my kind heart, spoke bad of me, imitated or ignored me. I gave away too much power and through these videos I am taking it back. Hope you can take your power back too. Today, I'm sending you healing energy - wrapping you up in a cocoon of safety.

@markcafebrown2883 11 ай бұрын

Thanks Thais. I appreciate you so much ❤❤❤

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 11 ай бұрын

Thank you so much Mark!!

@albutron0316 11 ай бұрын

Thanks Thais. Growing up I was only modeled covert contracts as relationships so I believed that the only way to avoid being trapped into these is to have no relationship. I know theoretically that healthy exchanges of needs exist without score keeping and resentment but I have no idea how or don't fully believe it. As a DA I just feel it's also inevitable that any relationship I'm in will feel unbalanced to the other person as I will have a limited ability to meet or even understand someone else's needs which will inevitably lead to resentment. These are probably stories but I don't actually know what positive reframes to replace them with.

@lgfish5337 11 ай бұрын

I’ve been studying NVC (non violent communication, there’s a book! my marshall rosenberg).. it’s kind of wrongly named IMO, because it’s really an empathy/reflecting witnessing PRACTICE that you do in a group with others. I’m sure there are other things out there that meet this need for practice of this sort, but i figured i’d mention this one since it’s on my mind of late. Whether group therapy, or nvc empathy group, or ..etc.. I think it’s just sooo crucial to go beyond the academic understanding of these things. we really need to see ourselves reflected back, and reflect others back, to grasp some of this stuff. I don’t know that it really happens in the structured relationship of therapist and client in the same way as in a peer group. highly recommend folks check these options out, it’s nice to have a space to practice this stuff with others, that isn’t per force only with romantic partners. hope that makes sense : )

@ashton1952 11 ай бұрын

@@cornwallismorgan874Thais is a lifesaver ❤

@TheUnkindness 11 ай бұрын

I would love to watch a video on what attracts dismissive avoidant to anxiously attached people. I've watched the video talking about the reverse but I can't find a video about what attracts a DA to an AP.

@ashton1952 11 ай бұрын

Curious too, may be odd but if I pick up on anxiety from the get go I won't continue any further, and that as a DA. Maybe because my mother is anxious, has a tendency to micromanage and as a kid it was a bit more than I could deal with. Don't know if it's the same though.

@AmericanDreamer 11 ай бұрын

As an AP myself, I second this inquiry.... really AP and DA are on the opposite sides of the spectrum.. And yeah, that match is truly made in hell....IMO and according to countless testimonies from many, many people I have read over the months, including life stories in comments of PDS, I can only conclude that DA's should only stick with other DA's...and if they dont like the taste of their own medicine, then - stay tf single! Simple, right?

@GeoffreyAngapa 11 ай бұрын

I'm convinced it's part of nature on Earth. Throughout the animal and human kingdoms, there's always one chasing and another running, or pretending to run.

@ashton1952 11 ай бұрын

@@AmericanDreamerthe irony is my greatest fear is abandonment; trying to figure out anxious attachment style because we seem to just handle this same fear in different ways. I try to only get involved with secure, have had bad experiences with FA but we can't always know with them at the beginning, however I detect anxious on first meeting and stop there. Dated a DA and although I understood and supported him he still left for no reason. DA's also get our anxiety totally triggered when dating another DA. Got sick as a result because it messed with my nerves and because a narc would've been easier to detect. I think the best is we we all just heal towards being totally secure, and of course awareness of other styles, and empathy along the way helps.

@ashton1952 11 ай бұрын

@@GeoffreyAngapain a sense maybe, but we've gone too far with trauma and causing it, in that sense humans are out of sync with nature

@pugninja7037 11 ай бұрын

It was horrible between us both. As a FA he a DA

@aaronsinspirationdaily4896 11 ай бұрын

I’m amazed that there are 10-20 year marriages and children with FA-DA and no healing. Those poor children. I’ve watched the aftermath from outside, it’s like another universe to me.

@BigGirthyJohnson 11 ай бұрын

One time I rolled up to a Wendys at midnight on my skates and the guy told me he couldn't serve me.

@johnjosephchiarmonte3691 11 ай бұрын

Thoughts and prayers

@kgsdesign 11 ай бұрын

Why am I crying laughing 😂😂😂😂

@SmartStart24 11 ай бұрын

Damn… cold world

@smileyface-zf6mg 11 ай бұрын

The server was probably a dismissive avoidant and didn't want to lose his power by serving you .

@Medietos 11 ай бұрын

@@kgsdesignHello, I am so sleep deprived and burnt out...do you mind telling me what is so funny about the Wendy-man unabke to serve the midnight skater? :-)