Things to Know BEFORE You Date a Type 5

[@AbbeyHowe]

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[@ecviets]

I think it is also important to 5s to have their partner be ambitious about something (not necessarily what the 5 is into, just something).

[@AbbeyHowe]

oh, interesting! thanks for sharing, Eric!

[@Zimoria]

I can see that. My dad is a 5 and my mom is a 6. So when my dad is off doing his research alone time, my mom does her stuff that she likes doing. Then also when they meet back up, she can also share knowledge back with him about her stuff.

[@ClearSummerSkies]

Nothing kills budding romance like finding out the guy I like is super boring and doesn't have anything he's deeply passionate about. (Am a 5)

[@vanessaskin]

Yes!!! 100% agree

[@naomiwhite2216]

I’m a 5 and I agree wholeheartedly

[@benjaminbaer9712]

Coming, from a type 5: never think type 5s wont be interested in what you have to say. Chances are, when you next see them, they will know more about it than you.

[@jonathanrodriguez4666]

How many other 5s are going down the KZbin rabbit hole watching videos about type 5s to investigate ourselves and see if the videos understand us?? 😅👀

[@elizabethkenobi1365]

Yup, and yupp

[@benjaminbaer9712]

My mom introduced me to the enneagram, 5 describes me perfectly, yet she doubts that is my type.

[@dutchkel]

meee

[@freddierivera2848]

Yes.🎉😢

[@coldchillin8382]

Can you get out of my head please 😂😂

[@savannahprice9041]

I am sisters/best friends with a 5, and I love this! I also want to add: (1) More things to love about 5s: they have a killer sense of humor, they are super loving and incredibly loyal, they are sensible and frugal, and if you are an emotional person, they are great at helping you sort out your feelings and understand yourself!! (2) 5s have a fear of boring other people by talking too long about their interests. My sis told me that if someone shows real interest in HER interests, it makes her feel amazing. However, she wouldn’t enjoy it if someone faked interest, because that could make her feel she wasn’t ACTUALLY interesting and cause her to overthink the interaction. (3) Go on morning dates with your 5!! 5s are often morning people and early bed-timers :)

[@THEtechknight]

This... I am a 5 male, and this is especially true. All of the above. my grocery store visits are typically 6AM on sunday morning. Most people find that weird. Normal to me.

[@Raven_Black_252]

5w4 female, all true except morning one. I'm a night owl, so I tend to be sleeping during early hours.

[@dutchkel]

@@Raven_Black_252 same

[@evbemma33]

Im 5 im owl too

[@TheYangnyin]

I really don't need to be completely alone.. my romantic partner's company is always appreciated. I just don't want to hang out with everyone

[@AbbeyHowe]

Noted!! Thanks for sharing!

[@maxii7312]

Same ! I simply carefully choose who I want to hang out with. But from time to time I might disappear a little bit to ✨rest✨

[@sweettee4284]

Great video Abbey, thank you! I'm a 5, and the love of my life was a 7- he got me. When planning our future home, he made sure there was a room for, as he said, "your books and whatever it is you do with them." lol

[@AbbeyHowe]

Love that Theresa! Thanks for sharing!

[@slugabug1]

I dated a 5 for a long time, and these are all the things I loved about them. Even though I'm a 2, I appreciated the deep thinking, weird hobbies/interests, and unique perspective on the world. Fives are awesome - infuriating at times, but bring so many great things to the world.

[@AbbeyHowe]

thanks for sharing your perspective!! ♥️

[@maka11111]

im a 5 dating a 2, are we screwed lol

[@luandthelion]

I feel like, too, it bugs me when people assume I don't want to hear about something they're learning or interested in. I'd LOVE to know!! I'd LOVE them to teach me, if it's not too bothersome to them!!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Absolutely! 👏

[@williamjt31]

In relation to the communication bit...avoid playing games of any kind. Yes this should be a rule for dating any type but other people seem to be more tolerant of game playing in dating and relationships (and might even like the back and forth). Fives do not. It is tiring and I personally don’t like guessing people’s motives.

[@AbbeyHowe]

thanks for sharing this!!

[@jadebeatles9485]

I agree, I hate having to try and figure out a scenario when it can end up hurting someone I care about's feelings if I come to the wrong conclusions. It's a ton of stress.

[@alysskenndy5954]

Yes, in addition to that as less drama as possible while communicating. Even though people around me communicates with me whenever they feel bad, when they use emotional language i tend to withdraw. Im extremely sensitive to the way people bring up their needs. The way of talking must be rational and well thought so that i can have a healthy communication with that person.

[@newcreationkoi4577]

Yup. If I even smell a hint of games I’m immediately disinterested, and I will be leaving. No ifs, ands, ors, or buts about it.

[@sarahburgess7306]

Yes, it feels like they are deliberately making it harder to connect by withholding information & forcing me to act on unknowns

[@jeremiahthelion]

Nailed it. I'm married to a 5 and I WISH we had enneagram tests so readily available when we got married 13 years ago. It would've saved me (a 7) a LOT of words and feels 🤣

[@alelectric2767]

“Get to the point” EXACTLY!!! Also applies to the work place. It’s like ya ya ya what do you want done?

[@christybaldwin8666]

I've been married to a type 5 for 13 years and YES to all of this

[@AbbeyHowe]

👏 👏 👏

[@_JESUS_is_GOD_]

I'm 5 and feel sorry for anyone who loves us. I'm too dense and clueless in love matters and I often sabotage myself.

[@watamala1]

Once i told a coworker that the reason i didnt date a certain handsome guy, was because he was clingy. She called me weird, and then tried to be nice and said i was a unique person. She's and isfj, and every isfj I've ment is clingy with their lovers so it makes sense, but ya glad im not the only weirdo..

[@mwatson4970]

Reading this, my mind immediately jumped to an Ex I just remember as "Mr. Clingy". So accurate!!

[@jeanettejohnson-boynton5532]

EXCELLENT!!! I’ve been married to my 5 for ten years and these are STILL wonderful reminders 👏👏👏

[@AbbeyHowe]

YAY! Glad that they resonated and that they will help you (even after 10 years of marriage which, btw, is AWESOME!)

[@jpfitness2242]

I'm a 5w4. I stopped trying to date about 7 years ago. The older I get the harder it is for me to make any sort of emotional connection with someone. It's interesting to hear about other 5s managing relationships because myself and two 5s I know well do not.

[@jpfitness2242]

Part of this may be that I'm SX blind. I believe I'm the SO/SP variant.

[@jpfitness2242]

@YemimaHutapea Hey, it turns out I was mistyped. I'm not a 5. I'm a SP 1w9.

[@freddierivera2848]

Abbey, you did well! You explained everything in detail and made it easy for people to understand. I have two tips that goes deeper into some of what was mentioned in the video. Disclaimer: I’m a 5w4 I speak for myself and no one else. 1. As I 5w4 I need respect for obsessive research and compulsive creativity. I learn, create, iterate, and believe. I can end up in spontaneous prolonged alone time. Sometimes longer than previously communicated. I find a subject and I don’t exist outside of it for a while. 2. I see everything but I don’t say everything. Analysis paralysis can be a thing but it’s more often from a place of consideration and preparation. I.E. My partner may be going through a hard time at work with a project or conflict with her co-workers. I ask if this is a listen or advice conversation. Either way I listen to her vent and I plan for long term solutions. If she doesn’t want advice I’ll still research and make a plan because her mind may change and I want to have everything I can use to help her. If she doesn’t need help then great! I’m happy for her but I’ll still plan so I can develop my skill in whatever area can assist her in future issues. There are two highly important parts to this. 1. She feels heard, understood, and validated. 2. I can help her at anytime. I don’t want to be useless in a any regards of our partnership. It pains me that I don’t know everything but I’m willing to learn anything. I’ll figure it out.

[@valaurica4590]

*casually sends this as a reminder to her bf of 3 years* (I'm a type 5)

[@AbbeyHowe]

hahaha so great

[@regancrawford4428]

Core longing was on point. I've never heard it phrased quite like that, but I definitely think that encompasses the truth well. Thanks for putting it into words!

[@AbbeyHowe]

I'm glad it resonated Regan!

[@KendrixTermina]

It's kind of a bit of a double bind (though I suppose all the types are in their own ways) I wanna be as low maintenance & undemanding as possible but I'm enough of an oddball that I need to explain a lot of stuff first to avoid misunderstandings. I either have to hold back so I don't come on too strong (since I can be somewhat direct & blunt & want to know everything about the person) or, at other times, push myself to do the minimal expected attention stuff when distracted with work/hobbies or just in a bad mood & don't feel like talking, with no in-between. I'm not surprised that a lot of ppl with this configuration just give up on the whole relationship thing or count it more trouble than its worth. I personally do really wanna find someone tho. In that sense it's encouraging to see some ppl in the comments actually being glad to have someone like that as a spouse. "Learn what their upset face/pattern looks like" is good advice for the whole rejection triad (5,2 or 8)... Cause otherwise there tends to be a common pattern that the other person doesn't see the breakup coming even though it's been in the works for months. There was this "how do you respond to breakups" discussion on reddit recently & I was surprised how neatly it broke down by object relations triads. Though of course from our side maybe we should complain more before it gets to an unsalvageable state.... There's almost like some animal instinct going on that you don't want to let the other person 'smell your blood'.

[@SachiKara28]

I’ve been dating a Type 5 for over a year now & we’ve known each other for years, this is super spot on!! I appreciate watching these videos about 5s, it reminds me how grateful I am to have him in my life. Thanks for this content!!

[@elizabethkenobi1365]

As at type 5, I laugh maniacally that no one will ever bother to understand this, which is why I'll always be single.

[@ana-7421]

In a 6w5 and that picnic date idea sounds perfect!!

[@AbbeyHowe]

YESSSS. It's the perfect weather for picnic dates now too

[@TruthSeekerClub]

I had one relation in my entire life. she was truly lucky, not that I am arrogant .But she always loved how I dive very deep into details of here life and her personality. I was studying. and I was very straight to the point and honest to her for the sake of we are partners forever. And I am here to help you grow. I know what you mean there.

[@Bioniking]

When I delved into the enneagram, I realized my whole concept of the energy battery is BS created by my ego, and very constricting. I'll still have moments where I check out when I'm in a social situation, and then I realize, "oh wait that's my type coming out" and then make a conscious decision to snap out of it

[@AbbeyHowe]

Ooh, love hearing things like this! The Enneagram is a great tool for telling us when we need to get back on track!

[@1jediwitch]

INTJ-A Female 5w4 here, & yeah - what she said. Also, Don't treat me like I am disposable or interchangeable, I am not like everyone else.

[@damoncarr4931]

This is the best enneagram 5 video and I feel understood. You nailed it with #7 I love people I can enjoy silence with and having to “entertain” others really drains me. I do love my alone time but I also enjoy spending most of my time with my significant other. And I do have trouble communicating with really emotional people and now I understand why. 😋

[@Myers100684]

As a 5w6, I can agree with pretty much your entire video. Having a plan for the day and getting to the point in conversation is great. I hate hearing someone's entire life story just to tell me they like something, I don't need the backstory and the last 10 years of events to tell me why you like something, just a simple "I like xxxxxxx" will work, I will ask details if I'm curious. Also being ADHD if you tell me story and the point isn't clear in 30 seconds or less I stop listening.

[@THEtechknight]

Wow it is amazing how accurate this is, I am a type 5 in my 30s. So yeah, I don't date or have tried. However, I am open for that special someone if that happens. Someone who understands me/us. Trouble is, where or who.... hmmm

[@THEtechknight]

And to follow up on my previous comment.... It has happened... I didn't realize it was around the corner but here it is. And I'm actually pretty happy right now

[@Bunker78]

TY for making this video. I have been learning alot about myself. I am a 5 with equal left/right wings. Hope to fund a way to love my type 2 more. 🤞 she is worth the work. Once again great video.

[@andywest6113]

Abbey THANK YOU!!! Your video was the 4th vid I have watched about dating a 5 and yours in the only one that describes dating a 5 in a purely positive to neutral light. Thank you from a 5

[@938quilt]

I was overwhelmed just thinking of having to make those decisions in #9 LOL!

[@ClearSummerSkies]

Wow, I've never been first to like and comment (at least I am at the time of typing this). Thank you so much for this video, Abbey! As a five, I can attest that everything you said is accurate!

[@AbbeyHowe]

You were the very first!! Even before I got out of bed to put the pinned comment underneath! ♥️

[@ClearSummerSkies]

@@AbbeyHowe Sweeeeet! Now I can add that accomplishment to my resume!

[@purplemind93]

This felt spot on Abbey! Though I’m sort of also feeling down because it feels like a lot of work for the other person to tackle before dating me and other fives. I hope they find it worth it! Xp sorry for the mood kill

[@Texaslawhorn]

I think it definitely depends on the enneagram type that is dating the 5. I am a 9, and I feel that the 5 I am with is a great match. I like a lot of alone time, too, so we're often together but doing our own thing, and it works for us. Would it be more of a struggle for say a 7? Yes, I think so. Impossible? No, but more of a challenge.

[@AbbeyHowe]

No mood kill at all! I think that it might be good to view these as just helpful tools not mandatory things your partner has to remember all the time. (and don't worry, I'm going to make one of these for all the types so you guys won't be so singled out 😂)

[@purplemind93]

@@Texaslawhorn Hi, thanks. Very true. I was probably just projecting my own fears upon every relationship with fives. Need to find my own person to have a quiet picnic with, that's all!

[@Texaslawhorn]

@@purplemind93 yes! Your picnic partner is out there waiting for you with a book, a basket and bread. 😉

[@raynesmith5451]

This is a great video! I’ve been married to a 5w4 for two years. I’m a 9. Topic #8 (head > feelings) is supper important for me to remember!

[@purplemind93]

Hi! I’m curious to know based on what u said, how do you deal with that dynamic? I’m a 5 like 89% sure and I have as a motivation to work on my communication about feelings skills:)

[@AbbeyHowe]

I second Purple Mind's question!!

[@leslpoo]

I’m a 6 with a strong 5 wing and this is sooo accurate even with it being my wing. I can’t wait to see what you have to say for 6 😂

[@AbbeyHowe]

My husband is a 4 with a strong 5 wing and he said all these were super accurate too!!

[@marishaten7399]

Lovely video! I suspect I am Type 5 and I'd love for someone to do these thoughtful things for me! Great job Abbey!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thanks Marisha! Thanks for watching and commenting!

[@skylervincenzo6247]

This is super valid. As a one of Enneagram Fives, this is really true. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ I'm giving you five stars because these are all so spot on!

[@AbbeyHowe]

thanks for the five stars!!! (5 for 5!!) 😊

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Great info! My brother and 17 year old son are 5s. This would resonate with them!

[@eliza1903]

This is fantastic for friendship, too.

[@AbbeyHowe]

100%!!

[@sonyamallett6402]

You nailed me! I ask so little😊

[@AbbeyHowe]

thanks for watching, Sonya! ♥️

[@christopherj5780]

As a 5w4 is it ok to say i get hi on learning?

[@gee9291]

Spot on! Well done, pretty lady👌🏽✨

[@ambica.n3476]

Wow i love ur vibe!

[@jfish032]

This is sooo good! ♥️♥️ TY

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thank YOU, Jordan!

[@giulias.5104]

Waaaaaay more alone time. Like a week after a first date. Think about if this aspect of him/her is ok with you. They withdraw often.

[@margaretjudice8944]

Thank you for sharing! Great information!

[@AbbeyHowe]

My pleasure! Glad it was helpful!

[@hx1487]

Why am I watching a video about how to date myself

[@zotharr]

#4 is the road to my heart lol

[@leogrrrl5876]

#5 concept- Parallel Play ☺👍

[@AbbeyHowe]

Yes! But for adults 😂

[@tanstaafl28]

Oh, I'm an ENTP 5. I think of at least 6 impossible things before breakfast. Divergent thinking is my bread and butter.

[@shermainewsj]

Rare to see an extroverted 5 around!

[@philosopherlogic]

9/10 of us probably don't wanna date at all. -5w4 INTJ

[@THEtechknight]

I mean, same.... I have no experience with it thus far.

[@TheCOangel303]

Lots of space...in fact just wait for a 5 to emerge...just let us be until then

[@skam5572]

INFJ 5W4

[@Undisputedkingdom24]

love this

[@AbbeyHowe]

yay! glad to hear it, Jozabad!

[@rebeccagrice5243]

I'm and Enfp and I'm thinking I maybe a type 5w4....like uh I think I can confidently say I'm confused.

[@luandthelion]

My mom looked at me after the first few, and goes, "Ooooohhhh!! Are you a five?!" Hahaha, I don't know Mom, I wish I did!!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Ha!

[@lydia_3796]

lol I've been slowly but steadily learning more and more about the enneagram for the past year, and whenever I talk about it I'm always like, "I think I'm a 5 but I'm not really sure..." and all my friends who know a lot about the enneagram go, "That's such a 5 thing to say!" I think it's very "type 5" to question things and be slow to make a decision - about everything, including what type you are! So I completely relate to "I don't know, I wish I did!"

[@MatthewEaton]

Da...Da.... Yeah, I don't know what that word is. HARRY! HARRY! Come here! Do you know what that word is? Data? Is she talking about crushing data? Well, all right. That I can do! In all seriousness, as a 5 I refuse to date. As a survivor of many issues, I refuse to date. However, the information here is valuable for any situation, not just dating. Communication is what the listener does, so it is always best to speak their language. Thanks for sharing!

[@alanhowe851]

What types of movies do 5’s like? Science Fiction, adventure, documentaries?

[@cate_phoenix]

Yes. At least in my case! Sci-fi for the possibilities, documentaries for the research, and adventure when I want to get lost in a fun story without thinking about it too hard. 😄

[@AbbeyHowe]

good question! 5s, help us out here

[@lydia_3796]

I tend to like comedies that don't require a lot of thinking and aren't heavy or drama-filled because that drains me. I also love adventure for the exact same reason @Sarah Schreeder said. And mysteries! Mysteries are great because when I do want to think/be invested in the movie I can really focus on tiny little details and try to figure the mystery out, and when I don't want to think too much or I'm feeling a bit more detached I can just sit back and watch the mystery unfold and get hooked in the excitement. My favorite film that I saw recently was Knives Out. Sooo good! I also love musicals and old films, but I think that's more of a personal preference, not necessarily a 5 thing. (Sorry for the essay lol)

[@sharpvonl201]

i like old horror movies and surrealist movies. I am quite passionate about 70s horror.

[@lifefan1]

Sci-fi, mystery, fantasy. I don't like comedy that much. Also, dramatic movies because it affects me in a negative way emotionally(btw I am not 100% sure I am 5)

[@ladeeteehernandez1104]

Me, #5 I hate small talk :-)

[@AbbeyHowe]

it's the worst!!

[@aninsmr]

4w3 watching this: 😔🥺😭😖😞🥴😵

[@Lochnessss]

Exposed 😂

[@AbbeyHowe]

😂

[@AishaOLewa]

oh my bf is definitely a 5 lol

[@kalanaherath3076]

Trick question! We don't date... Or rather we can't lol

[@Mb-di8jd]

Dang

[@acumennova3929]

Why do I feel uncomfortable with you knowing me so well?

[@fernandadealencar1158]

enneagram 5 for a enneagram 4 = hot

[@fernandadealencar1158]

i find 8's interesting too, complete opposite, i know.

[@AbbeyHowe]

LOLLLLL

[@dutchkel]

Too true