Thirty Years Worth of Marital Advice | Hina Khan-Mukhtar

- Article "25 Years’ Worth of Marriage Advice": hinakm.com/25-years-worth-of-...
Podcast "What We Need to Thrive in Marriage": • What We Need to Thrive...
- Complete talk " The Struggles of Marriage in the Muslim Community & Tools for a Healthier Relationship": • The Struggles of Marri...
- More Sr. Hina: mcceastbay.org/hina
- More Islamic marriage talks & workshops: mcceastbay.org/marriage
- More talks co-sponsored with Wasilah Connections: mcceastbay.org/wasilah
This seminar was delivered at the Muslim Community Center - East Bay (MCC East Bay) in Pleasanton, California on December 9, 2023.
Hina Khan-Mukhtar is a married mother of three young men and one of the founders of the homeschooling co-operative known as ILM Tree in Lafayette, California, which now serves over 35 homeschooling families in the East Bay. In addition to teaching Language Arts to elementary, middle, and high school students, she is also involved in interfaith dialogue. Hina was a monthly contributor to The Muslim Observer’s “Raising Our Ummah” column. She also writes for Seeker’s Guidance, where she shares parenting advice and ideas for nurturing spiritual traditions in childhood. Learn more about her at hinakm.com
- More Sr. Hina: mcceastbay.org/hina
Talk notes
00:00 Introduction
3:10 Make Allah your main concern
7:00 Love and affection
10:30 Special routine
11:47 Passion and interests
14:00 Fulfilling sexual needs
14:52 Praying to Allah
15:40 Men need to be respected
17:48 Social media
18:24 Laughing rules
18:33 Make your home
19:30 Crucial points on contact with non mahrams 21:34
20:07 What does domestic bliss look like
21:23 Everything about you should be…
22:12 Conflict is inevitable
24:22 Self reflection and apologizing
24:50 Everyone gets angry
25:55 Don’t be disrespectful
27:04 Your spouse is not a mind reader
28:30 Sleep on it and snuggle it out
29:05 Avoid arguing in front of kids
29:32 Holding grudges and learning to forgive
29:50 Keep a sense of humor
30:48 Being a family uniter and not a divider
31:26 Relationships with in-laws and parents
34:03 Don’t try and keep up with Joneses and don’t ever pay interest
35:02 Only complain to Allah and be grateful
36:33 The little things that irritate you: everyone has flaws
37:22 Happiness Vs Contentment: Don’t take one another for granted
37:58 Have a mentor in marriage: Needs to be a Muslim
39:40 Soar spiritually
40:28 Your spouse comes first
40:55 Grow spiritually together
Other notes:
1. Make ٱللَّٰه your main concern.
2. Know love languages.
3. Have something special between two of you and guard it.
4. Have your own passion projects (have healthy interest in their interests).
5. Fulfill sexual needs
More MCC East Bay:
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Instagram: / mcceastbay

[@fezisheikh3044]

3:10 Make Allah your main concern 7:00 Love and affection 10:30 Special routine 11:47 Passion and interests 14:00 Fulfilling sexual needs 14:52 Praying to Allah 15:40 Men need to be respected 17:48 Social media 18:24 Laughing rules 18:33 Make your home 19:30 Crucial points on contact with non mahrams 21:34 20:07 What does domestic bliss look like 21:23 Everything about you should be… 22:12 Conflict is inevitable 24:22 Self reflection and apologising 24:50 Everyone gets angry 25:55 Don’t be disrespectful 27:04 People aren’t mind readers 28:30 Sleep on it and snuggle it out 29:05 Avoid arguing infront of kids 29:32 Holding grudges and learning to forgive 29:50 Keep a sense of humour 30:48 Being a uniter and not a divider 31:26 Relationships with in-laws and parents 34:03 Don’t try and keep up with Joneses and don’t ever pay interest 35:02 Only complain to Allah and be grateful 36:33 The little things that irritate you: everyone has flaws 37:22 Happiness Vs Contentment: Don’t take one another for granted 37:58 Have a mentor in marriage: Needs to be a Muslim 39:40 Soar spiritually 40:28 Your spouse comes first 40:55 Grow spiritually together

[@ummeismaeel9545]

jazakallahu khairan

[@bhaagyam307]

❤

[@SomethingaboutScreens]

Jazakallahu khayran!😊✨

[@amannahossain06]

The main thing is..these advice is for those who's in their right mind😢..apart from that everything was been followed.. But if you don't have a right mind..then nothing works.😢

[@hiwarda]

Jazakallahukhair!

[@doug2835]

I have just learned more from you in 41 minutes than I have in the last 69 years of my life. I have been thinking of becoming Muslim for a while now and your talk is gently pushing me closer to that reality. Thank you so much for this video!

[@MCCEastBay]

Please let us know if there’s anything we can do to help. Praying for your success in this life and in the next!

[@manala2873]

I invite you to read the Quran

[@mouctardiallo9062]

May Allah make it easy for you embrace Islam wholeheartedly and keep u steadfast

[@Blaze0071]

​@@manala2873they'll need to be gently guided into that

[@superwoman7397]

Pray to the Almighty that he guides you to the straight path 😊

[@11Khalid11]

She looks 30 years old. That in itself shows how happy she is 😊

[@littleriri]

right? May Allah continue to bless her marriage ameen

[@Aymana44]

Yo❤😊😊

[@nuuhaa3294]

Ikrr Ma sha Allahh

[@RawrItsAGhost]

She looks so happy, her face lights up whenever she mentions her husband, it's beautiful to see

[@fungshui4850]

Mash Allah, 30 years! Could I also have her beauty secrets! She looks in her 20's Mash Allah. A pure heart is probably what it is.😊😊

[@freemanontheland507]

Ma shaa Allah...

[@katestigsdotter]

TabarakAllah ❤

[@katielarsen2630]

Seriously I thought she was 20 years old tabarak Allah

[@yasirmunazzah]

She’s happy in her marriage so it did not age her. May Allah bless our marriages. Iv benefited loads

[@momofpreciouspearls3124]

@@yasirmunazzahAllahumma baarik, may Allah bless her marriage

[@bmkidzonebmworld763]

When she said make Allah ur fisrt love, I hit the like button.

[@Dioums]

This woman is a blessing to humanity, married, soon to be married, and/or divorced couples. May Allah protect and bless her 🤲🏽📿

[@guljafari3269]

Thank you ❤ I just ended a little grudge I was holding against my husband . You advices calmed me and made me realise it’s not worth it

[@MCCEastBay]

It is a comment like this one that makes us feel that our work is worth it. May Allah bless you and your marriage! Aameen.

[@Ll_jfdk]

@@MCCEastBayAmeen

[@evasasa2360]

Married 24 yrs and this is so true. ESPECIALLY the triangle. when a spouse distances from Allah it really affects the marriage...and when they return, it renews the love.

[@Blaze0071]

Distances from Allah? You mean are close to Allah

[@Gnabaj02]

No, they mean when a spouse is distant from Allah it negatively effects the marriage , as opposed to when they are close to Allah the marriage is good.

[@Ambrin1987]

What does a woman want from a man? In short, the foremost thing she needs is security. She does not want a husband who makes her live in fear, like the one who often threatens her with marrying someone besides her (i.e. with a second marriage). Or he makes her feel that his friends and his gatherings with them are more important than sitting with her. Or because of his constant, long, unrestrained staring at women he makes her feel that he may abandon her (anytime). She wants a husband who respects her... and who consults her... and who does not belittles her... and who praises her beauty... her talks... her cooking (food)... and he does not degrades her in front of others. She wants her husband to give her tender loving care which she (badly) needs after long tiring work around the house, and with taking care of his kids. She wants true love... which makes her feel that out of all the women (in the world), her husband has only chosen her. Love which touches her feminity (i.e. makes her feel like she is a woman) . O husband! Do not be niggardly in spending over her (needs)... and fear Allaah regarding her rights... for she is one of the two weak ones... about whom the Prophet ﷺ advised us to take care of. 📚 [Shaikh Muhammad Ibn Umar Baazmool]

[@D-A-N-]

Thank you for that, I will apply this In Sha Allah.

[@Ambrin1987]

You're welcome 🙂

[@ks-io3lc]

Beautifully written sister !!

[@nooraljawad]

Not the best translation given it’s using the n word

[@ayshasyraj]

Thank you

[@safra1998]

Hina, you have taught me so much in this video. I pray Allah blesses you and your husband & children with so much blessings & happiness. You’ve reminded me to remain calm and humble. Although this talk is on spouses, it oddly enough has changed me as an individual. The way I speak to my mum, my dad, my friends, family etc.. has all changed. This advice is not only for husband and wife but also for families.

[@MCCEastBay]

This type of feedback means more to us than you’ll ever know! Thank you for your thoughtful comment, and Aameen to your beautiful dua.

[@Khadija__.]

Neither i. Am married nor committed but have listened to this very eagerly . All credit goes to this beautiful lady by explaining so beautifully and in very easy way

[@Amanka745]

I am 20 years old unmarried girl .....but loved all advices insha allah it will be helpful for me in future ❤

[@MM-me8xh]

She said 30 years of marriage. To me she looks like a 20 years old girl… MashaAllah.

[@wellokombolcha]

Even if I am unmarried yet, I learned a lot watching this video. Shukuren !!!

[@immukhan4071]

I do not have enough words to thank you, may Allah reward you the best for giving such beautiful advice for marriage issues

[@oumydiallo558]

I was hesitant to listen, but I don’t regret it at all, Thank you for these precious advices. BaarakaAllah feek

[@sonoranherphaven1761]

This was one of, if not the best, marriage health and marital advice lectures/talks I've ever listened to.

[@imranniazi3983]

Fantastic lecture on marriage, this should be turned into a YEAR long course where the participants MUST change as they go through this program and should have workshops throughout the year. Advice and lectures are first steps but without actions, it only becomes intellectual knowledge and Islam is not a religion of just consumption of lectures…

[@dziri1796]

Assalamualaikum, First of all, my wife needs to see this video (which I already sent her). We have been married for 7 years now, yet no baby. Alhamdouli'Allah we keep hoping and trying. It is such a blessing to learn from an expert in mariage. The little details outlined are of a great importance. Thank you for your efforts....may Allah SWT keeps us steadfast and always guide us on His right path. Ameen

[@MCCEastBay]

May Allah bless you with a righteous and healthy progeny in an easy and timely manner! Aameen

[@simmran01]

Aameen!

[@shahnozanorova8775]

MaShaAllah she looks sooo young🤗😍😍😍

[@Blaze0071]

I know right. Barakallahu fiha

[@user-wk9dq9pj5f]

What a beautiful talk from the sister, unfortunately my wife and I have separated this year I’m not going to mock her or anything we both had our shortcomings I wish nothing just the best I hope Allah grants her the best of husbands, marriage is so difficult but if you are about to marry soon inshallah listen to this talk very closely it’s such amazing advice mashallah from our sister, May Allah make it easier on you all Inshallah in your marriages

[@ashmash4563]

Ma sha Allah this is amazing advice. I have learnt so much from this. ❤ But sadly there are so many men in the sub continent who don’t treat their wives as equals and advice like this does nothing for the poor wives. May Allah guide our ummah Allahumma aameen

[@shaziaijaz5863]

Yes true and in USA it's opposite these days girls are like sub continent husbands.

[@IndianSumaira]

This is those wives test, Allah surely loves them alot

[@MCCEastBay]

Sister Hina mentioned at the beginning of her talk that the tips listed here do NOT work for those people who are suffering from debilitating addictions, vices, personality disorders, or mental health struggles. The advice here only works for those who are coming from a certain frame of mind. May Allah make it easy for all!

[@ashmash4563]

@@IndianSumaira that is true. I hace friends who are suffering for no reason of theirs. SubhanAllah the whole culture is different back home. Like you said it’s their test and may Allah reward them. And may Allah guide our men to treat them properly. Allahumma aameen

[@ashmash4563]

@@MCCEastBay aameen! I was just focusing on the fact that the privilege most of us women who live in the west have compared to the Indian subcontinent. Ma sha Allah this video is the most beneficial video I ever came across about marriage. Not a single second was wasted or digressed from the topic. May Allah reward sister Hina immensely for her service to deen. Allahumma aameen

[@mananimo218]

I love this woman , may Allah bless her for spreading kind words and give her ajar for her kind work

[@jemilatsalaudeen1310]

Baraka lau feek my dear sister 💕. May Almighty Allah grant you the best reward in this life and hereafter.

[@MissLoca901]

Loved this, thank you for the talk!

[@shaibunafisat2156]

May I get to experience a blissful marriage even though it seems so difficult to come by. I trust Allah to bless me with a good man soon.

[@RasikaNishanti-kq1rz]

Ameen

[@sanamm.1834]

Ameen insha Allah :) im Sure Allah swt will bless u with a beautiful marriage

[@duceysane3322]

Be good woman you will get good man

[@hl7806]

@@duceysane3322you right but been good doesn’t guarantee a good spouse,Allah chooses,infact Allah test good women mostly with bad husbands. Same with Men too

[@kaz9242]

Good men are easy to find

[@thesavageimam]

Solid advice great video

[@soulandhuman]

JazakAllah for sharing

[@nomalizaazman]

Thank you for the wonderful advices.

[@ashmash4563]

JazakAllah Khayr ❤

[@crazyfrog126]

Salaam. What an amazing talk. So many pearls of wisdom in so little time. . Jazakallah.

[@user-wv7rh9bl5i]

What an incredible recording. Thank You for sharing all the knowledge, Mashallah ✨

[@shafiqulislam-zr4ng]

Thanks!Mashallah!May Allah bless you are all.

[@juliethrodriguez296]

Jazakaaah kher for such an amazing speech!! So useful

[@MutahirRasool]

Beautiful lecture! Jazak ALLAH.

[@AhmedMohamed-no3xq]

Mashallaah great advice May Allah protect our marital

[@ninaagni4470]

Thank you for the advice. Look forward to having a harmonious family.

[@wafiqessop4034]

beautiful piece.

[@febfabulous9391]

Shukran for these priceless advices Apa! Marriage is not a bed of roses but rather a garden of flowers we walk through together embracing the beautiful ones and cutting out the bad ones

[@syedfaizanali367]

Thank you, Jazak Allah Khair!

[@sanamm.1834]

Mashaallah allahuma barik. This was a really informative talk about marriage and i love how practical it seems to be

[@Super123At]

Honestly this was such a beautiful talk, I really like the words you used, very impactful

[@fattymxq3863]

So beautiful... Thank u so much, learnt so much.. need to be shared widely..

[@louloubalikcioglu]

From Algeria , thank for your lecture ❤

[@ibrahimhossain5732]

SubahanAllah Allah SWT bless you and your family in Jannahtul Ferdous

[@pheroguy]

Mashaa Allah great lecture, may Allah bless you with more beneficial knowledge Amin

[@unni786]

Great to see you provide good guidelines, in perspective of islam

[@healthyself7941]

Seems like a grounded, faithful person. Lovely smile!

[@johnmayers6572]

Much useful information sister, thank you.

[@swtfrd]

Alhamdulillah MashaAllah such beautiful pieces of advise. May Allah blesses you for your good deeds

[@mannorizah4944]

Alhamdulillah! Good Sharing Thanks

[@user-rv9hx6gn7h]

MashaAllah thank you very much it's really amazing ❤

[@tutorathome6608]

Best lecture ever. Thank you ❤❤❤

[@aliadiaz8159]

Bless her. She is very wise and lovely lady. Mashallah

[@andreabetter6018]

Amazingly informative and inspirational. Thank You!

[@Surelinefoams]

Thank you jazakallah khair

[@iNikkah]

Ma sha Allah this is all true, one of the reasons why we created iNikkah to help young women create the foundations of a good marriage, all our mentors have been married more than 20 years, I hope pre marital coaching becomes more mainstream

[@jabeenajabeena6982]

Assalamu alaikum sis, my sister who is divorced for twice left with one infant 😞😔 please do dua for her may she get her soul met soon ins haa allah aaaaameen

[@assalaami8000]

MashAllah wonderful advice. I feel every piece of advice is applicable to both husband and wife.

[@hafsaali2228]

Such a good marriage talk Mash'Allah 😊

[@rizwanai8753]

JazakaAllah khair for sharing, and Allahuma Barik lahum

[@667junaid]

So insightful

[@Fame_Nations]

Thank you for this Advice I really appreciate this🙏🙏🙏 Cuz this helps alot❤

[@MCCEastBay]

This type of comment means so much to us! May Allah make it easy!

[@donnablumenberg6624]

Alhamdulillah! May Allah bless and reward you for sharing.

[@mesbahhadi5689]

Thanks ❤

[@longloismariam7767]

Dear ! May Allah reward you thousand fold for such beautiful advice ! Mashaallah you are the embodiment of your speech , may Allah keep you safe and happy ( ever after as they say 😊 , Jazakallah kheir

[@Voiceresonates]

Jazakum Allah Khairun, Duayn

[@wworldwwidewwanderer]

Mashallah what a thoughtful, well spoken, insightful speech. Thank you and thank God for these gems of wisdom

[@samehaxj]

Really great reminder

[@cvrw-gx2kf]

These 41mins felt like 4 mins, thanks for sharing such lot of info

[@gadijaisaacs2032]

Jazakala Khair from South Africa 🤲🤲🤲❤️

[@mohammadnazrulislam7524]

excellent lecture I salute your wonderful deliberations

[@swabreenamohamed7620]

Jazakillah kheir 😊

[@imranaboo433]

Great talk jazakumullah.

[@aamirecan]

Great video. Jazakallah khair.

[@dentalmanuk]

Every talk in line with quran and sunnah is worth listening soecially its important to follow quran for marital life as two diferent peopel get along for life. Im happily married for 17 years to a different natioanlity and had no fuss or nothing like traditional marriages simply by following a Quranic order for a pewceful marital life i.e. 1. Mutual Love 2. Mutual respect ❤❤❤..

[@zahrasnasiarab1718]

❤❤❤

[@MaryamFathimaChannel]

JazakAllahkhair sister.

[@yasminechafei7441]

Great , To the point , positive and very instructive to any couple .

[@fatimajarju6813]

I am not married but this is so great to listen ❤❤❤

[@hasnakazmouz6249]

Great talk, Allah protect you and your family

[@user-ne4ui5bt1e]

Amazing talk masha Allah

[@zohaaslam4917]

Thankyou so much 😭😭😭may Allah be pleased with you ameen sumameen

[@fatimajarju6813]

I pray Allah continues to bless her marriage ❤

[@K114LED]

Brilliant talk mashallah

[@tanzilarizwan6950]

Best marriage advice video ever ❤️ May Allah bless you ❤️

[@hajeh]

Such valuable advice. Jazaki Allahu khairan.

[@kazd17]

MashaAllah, wonderful and useful advice and tips! May Allah Bless you All!

[@amanysuleiman]

This is amazing. JAk ❤

[@ayshasyraj]

This is so beautiful to watch, the advice and her peaceful and calming tone, this is masha Allah. May Allah reward you, may we be able to remember these and apply it to our homes ya rabb.

[@goalisheaven]

SubhanaAllah MashAllah ❤

[@asrafarrukh7259]

Maa shaa Allah ♥️ stay blessed 😊

[@umarmuhammad4365]

May Allah swt reward you abundantly.

[@SAFAWUSEIDU-ld8ju]

Jazakillahu khair ❤much grateful

[@user-jo2fz2zd1p]

Aslamoalicom Dear Sister HANI. Thanks for your excellent topic you have been selected to expose this information about your personal experience to other brother and sister it's great job to deliver our personal experience and to explain the situation of great relationship between cuapule. The main element Allah relationship it will determine the guide us to right relationship between cuapule. Wish you all the best success and blessing. 💙💚💙💚💜👍

[@aamna9274]

This was absolutely mind blowing !! Too good. Masha Allah. May Allah bless her to deliver more fun videos , Insha Allah 🤲🏻

[@tahminarahman9145]

بارك الله فيك such a beneficial talk ! May Allah forever bless your marriage ‎آمين يا رب العالمين

[@ummukhairahjameelah7338]

Jazzakillahu khayran

[@norlailafe8523]

Assalamualaikum, im thankful Alhamdulillah to stumbled upon this video, I don't hv those senior who could impart me with marriage wisdom so my info always comes from watching islamic talks , alhamdulillah there are tips that i need to implemented and rethink my own mind set.. jazakillah

[@trustinalqadir2982]

Maa sha Allah, Jazak Allah khairan

[@gadijaisaacs2032]

MA SHAA ALLAH, so beautiful really, I really learned so much, May ALLAH SWT keep on blessing you and your family and keep on sending the beautiful advice, IN SHAA ALLAH. ❤❤️

[@shamsmotaghedi2481]

very good thanks