This Book Made Me a Happier Person

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In this episode of Book Club, we’re talking about “The Courage to be Disliked” by Japanese authors Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. In this book, an unhappy guy visits a wise old philosopher in the outskirts of a Japanese suburb and through these conversations, the philosopher ends up helping this young unhappy guy take control of his own life and happiness.
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- BOOK CLUB Playlist: • Book Club
Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
02:27 Stop thinking your past determines your present and your future
05:36 We create emotions to suit our present goals
08:58 All problems are interpersonal relationship problems
12:17 Happiness is a feeling of contributing something
14:40 Freedom is having the courage to be disliked
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WHO AM I:
I’m Ali, a KZbinr, podcaster, soon-to-be author and ex-Doctor working in London, UK. I make videos that explore the strategies and tools that help us live happier, healthier and more productive lives. I also have a weekly podcast called Deep Dive (kzbin.info/door/hfo..., and I write a weekly email newsletter that contains some quick thoughts + links to interesting things (aliabdaal.com/newsletter/).
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[@wordsofinsight5456]

“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

[@thasaklopp6848]

Thanks for your feedback. Send me a direct msg, I have something to share with you..........

[@maxself9446]

You can't go wrong with this beautiful quote

[@Pollymichaelis]

And the idea was from Epictetus

[@demiadeoye]

So true

[@DoctorAzmain]

I've been meaning to read this book for AGES! My friend recently said to me: "If you're able to please everyone, you're doing something wrong." So true - if you want to make a meaningful difference for yourself and for other people, you're gonna piss someone off along the way and have to deal with it!

[@lestersalamba2840]

If you’re looking for books relatively similar I suggest Happiness by Thich Hanh. So much wisdom and insight coming from a monk.

[@tanyasharma2864]

I would like to comment on: "If you're able to please everyone, you're doing something wrong." The goal is to be yourself and understand what brings you happiness. This happiness might come from pleasing people around you, making them happy and avoiding conflict. It does not necessarily mean that "If you're able to please everyone, you're doing something wrong."

[@JoviBootlegs90]

This is exactly why people are unhappy. They live every day lives trying to please the people surrounding them

[@jogifromearth5118]

You don't "have to deal with it". That's the other persons task ;)

[@lestersalamba2840]

Reading honestly frr is one of the best things I’ve done this year. I try to read at least a book a week by diving the pages into 5 days. Your overall focus, verbal recall, and even memory changes. I love it.

[@Atlas92936]

I could really use the verbal recall and memory benefits. Can you explain the changes you've seen?

[@lestersalamba2840]

@@Atlas92936 Essentially remembering what you read and hear. I find myself very focused and present within the moment during my literature sessions. The more you continue to read it’s like a muscle that strengthens within your brain that enables you to do that task more efficiently and you start to notice it seeps into other areas of your life and for me that was verbal recall and memory. I’d also like to add I’ve also noticed clear sentence structure and iterating my points much more intellectually then I previously was able to.

[@colllo]

When do you do the other stuff ... I mean ifeel like I literally have no time to read

[@Lulu-oi9ue]

I did the same thing couple years ago. I will be doing this again. I have been reading more fictional and want to read more non fictional. I have started going to library with my daughter and we enjoy spending time picking out our books.

[@lamthaotran19]

@@lestersalamba2840 I've been re-reading Deep Work by Cal Newport and this sounds exactly something I should do to improve my ability to focus. Thank you.

[@howisjason]

As simple and naive as it may sound, I became a lot happier ever since I decided to make happiness a priority. Here's one example, we're always told the same old things like eat healthy, get moderate physical activity, have a consistent sleep schedule, practice gratitude, etc. And I think on a surface level we all KNOW that those are beneficial to us but despite KNOWING, we often don't DO. And it's totally understandable too, because much of these things may be difficult or boring or simply unappealing... But it's almost a fact of life that IF we did those, our general quality of life will increase. Over the years I gradually started to prioritize things that made me healthy and happy, and life has treated me a lot better since.

[@GINGERJOI]

This was so good you are so right!! I'm in very beginning stages of reevaluating my life and I'm understanding this as well. You said it perfectly.

[@maxself9446]

That's so true! When we start taking care of the fundamentals, the dominos begin to create a better quality of life

[@wge621]

Yes. I did the same and am generally very happy! It also staves off depression

[@joyberly4409]

This.

[@ands1894]

I was about eight, visiting my maternal grandparents, when my wise granny said to me, “You can’t please everyone.” She was astute enough to pick up on my people pleasing ways. She passed away last year but her wise words are with me. The courage to accept that not everybody is going to like you comes with the understanding that you can’t please everybody.

[@pmw3839]

There was a song: “You can’t please everyone, so you might as well please yourself.”

[@Chonqing]

Be happy 😊

[@francis_n]

6:25 - "Constructing the emotion of anger and using it for a justification for your action you chose to do anyway". Will Smith popped into my mind immediately after initially laughing along at the joke, then looking at his wife and making a choice to act and construct the anger afterwards

[@Lulu-oi9ue]

Yes I agree. It wasn’t a trauma response that’s instant as soon as the comment was made. There was a time period where he could’ve turned the other cheek.

[@sagarapatel249]

I decided to read this amazing book, after you and Taimoor mentioned it on one of your Q&A videos. It is quite good. It goes deep in question and its answers as to why we can't find happiness and then provides good solution. Boy portraits our complications well and Philosophers gives proper answer and advice. It really well written book.

[@lefajoseph3752]

Respect for your consistency in posting and all the work that comes with it.

[@lestersalamba2840]

Benefits of reading according to science lol 1. Better vocabulary 2. Better communication skills 3. Stress relief 4. Depression relief 5. Health benefits 6. Slows age related cognitive decline 7. Makes it easier to empathize 8. Improves imagination. Please can I get at least 10 likes

[@exploretheadventure9444]

10 likes and one comment

[@fabio.1]

Here or to go?

[@SYPCWAK]

I totally agree with having the choice to be angry when coffee is spilled on you. If the person spilling the coffee is clearly someone strong enough to break you like a twig, you are most likely going to not get angry (for self-preservation’s sake) and tell the spiller to not worry about it. Or maybe the spiller is an overly beautiful woman and the spilling “victim” is a single male looking for a girlfriend. The victim will also most likely choose to not get angry and display how calm and collected he is (displaying he is a suitable mate) to the beautiful woman. Thanks for the book review and video.

[@NitinKumar-ml5tx]

I love the way he appears so genuine and truthful in his speech, I wish that I could also pratice and work on my communication skills to be that transparent through my thoughts to speech.

[@pranjal4507]

This was not just a review but a video on how to actually read books. Great work Ali😊 Can't imagine a book review being so good ❤❤this level of authenticity and connection with your audience is really awe-inspiring

[@aliabdaal]

Thanks so much! 😊

[@sarhan_]

@@aliabdaal you’re welcome!

[@shahadshahd8549]

@@aliabdaal Can you please make a video about guidlines for writing research and some suggestion for med students

[@shahadshahd8549]

@@aliabdaal Can you please make a video about guidlines for writing research and some suggestion for med students

[@milanvuki]

One of the most eye opening books I’ve ever read, so glad you did a video on it to show it to a larger audience

[@khalilahd.]

I’ve actually heard about this book! “The courage to be disliked” is definitely on top of my to read list so this book club episode is perfect 🙏🏽 being able to take wisdom from books to create a happier and healthier life is why I love your channel and keeps me in the pursuit of self growth

[@lestersalamba2840]

I suggest you read books made by monks. Happiness by Thich Naht Hanh is probably one of the best I’ve ever picked up.

[@MindLifeFlow]

@@lestersalamba2840 Hi again, Patrick from Mind Life Flow here...yes, Thich Naht Hanh has some wonderful books and insights in general. I agree! This book is also very good - different but worthwhile.

[@brittthebeat6175]

You are all over lol if this is an advertising tactic for your channel it's working cause I ended up watching your video, well played lol

[@Purplegiant1997]

@@brittthebeat6175 lmao fr

[@shivifieldnotes]

@@lestersalamba2840 Yes and also the book why i make myself unhappy by Tsem Tulku Rinpoche. Its my fav :)

[@popcornproductions9579]

Honestly Ali, watching your book reviews changed my perspective on book reading and on life. You make it so appealing and interesting. As someone who was never interested in books I’ve become INVESTED in becoming a better person. Watching you has inspired me to start my own book review series, so thank you and keep going 💪🏽💯

[@otakumultifandom]

Ah yes! He's so well spoken🥲💖

[@Bostonaholic]

I love these book club videos. Thank you for making them.

[@AtLanTis613]

"What people think is not our task " best line ☺

[@thasaklopp6848]

Thanks for your feedback. Send me a direct msg, I have something to share with you..........

[@lameeya21]

for real

[@JoviBootlegs90]

Actually my friend said similar thing long before 'it's not our problem'. We have to differentiate which problems are ours and which are not

[@princesslacson6291]

I love the separate task thing. It helped me with my break up. We have different struggles no matter how much we try to do it together, sometimes it's better if we do it alone. ♥️

[@zainyounis1442]

I always appreciate a book review by you ali!

[@Kidkromechan]

There is a part 2 of this book too and I actually try to follow all the teachings. It makes so much sense to me. Like how we are all connected, and be okay with being normal, and we actually feel the feelings that benefit us so we have control of what we choose to feel. So much good wisdom in there.

[@swayam7321]

I love ❤ the theory of hedonic adaptation which you've explained in the video of motivation, stress management with Paul and Katherine.

[@Sazad101]

Thanks for the recommendation🥂

[@romeadeviana5226]

thank you for the wonderful lesson💖

[@OriAlfassi]

YESS LOVING ALL THE BOOK VIDEOS LATELY! 😍😍

[@Janice_Long]

I am halfway through reading this book and I am so glad you talk about it! One of my favourite books thus far :)

[@BeingIntegrated]

OK just a point about trauma, that yes the meaning we make out of it is very significant, but also it's a real thing around the function of our nervous system, meaning you can actually not remember the trauma (lot's of people blockout memories of childhood trauma) but still suffer the symptoms of trauma. I guess the most accurate way to say it is there are many dimensions of trauma, and our cognitive processing of the experience is important and can be worked with, but our nervous system also needs to be addressed. I don't think many people understood that until the last few decades, where Somatic Psychology has gained a lot of recognition as an important discipline.

[@SB-fh3sv]

I couldn’t agree more. I was dealing with continued trauma in my marriage and although I didn’t dwell on those events and i stay relatively happy eventually i realized that my body felt constantly tired. I thought i might have an autoimmune disease after a year I realized that it was from my trauma. It was like my body had been rewired and i had to work on internal healing. It took work and i realized that even though i was strong everyone had limits

[@i-Scorrpion]

​@@SB-fh3svcan you expand a little on 'internal healing'?

[@deepanshichopra5973]

Read this book recently. It's such a gem. Squeezes the true purpose of life in a few words. Highly recommend!

[@saadisara4078]

This is exactly what I need at the moment 😃.... Thanks Ali 💖

[@Finansum]

Ali, thanks for the video! The idea to separate tasks is brilliant, I have been thinking something similar, but used to put it somehow different and I think this description is absolutely genius!

[@SamanthaJoe]

I really enjoyed reading this book and hearing your thoughts on it!! I've been meaning to re-read it and highlight some of my favorite takeaways. :)

[@allanjunli]

Thank you for sharing. Learned a lot.

[@edwardxiao88]

Ali you've inspired me to start reading for this new year because of all the possible ways you could improve in life. It's not always consistent as I don't always have time but I try to find a little reading time each week. Thank you!!

[@yuki750]

thank you a lot. very appreciated video! keep going

[@CuriosityJuice]

Love your videos and specially how you break down video into chapters. Valuable insights from books! Thanks for sharing :)

[@imsoyam]

I read this book about an year ago and was quite fascinated with theories that look extremely contrasting to our beliefs and have also recommended it to a lot of people... It sure was a great book✌

[@maxself9446]

What's your biggest takeaway from the book?

[@1BSDjunkie]

Listening to you speaking about happiness made me decide to feel happy. Thank you for that!

[@Ness-nq2mo]

This is my first time watching a video from you and I’m hooked. The way you talk, explain concepts, it’s such a fresh perspective. Subscribed!

[@renavwissen7817]

I remember that you weren't that hyped about the book when you first mentioned it in one of your videos. Glad you like it so much now ☺️

[@adithyag1000]

That is an amazing book I have read during 2022..the more I read it, the more I realised or started to understand myself in a rather simple yet interesting way... it's great for those who struggle to know or understand themselves, especially who think a lot about themselves...the part where "all problems are interpersonal problems" helped me understand relationships as a very important thing as a human being.

[@mehditate]

3 Tips to Better Self Awareness: A thought diary is a foundational place to begin increasing self-awareness. Keep track of thoughts that pop up in the form of an automatic reaction. Track your level of emotion to the stimulus (Your reactions - these can be mental or physical) Amazing video ALI!

[@veroninou4594]

Thanks for the review i’ll look forward to read it 😁

[@Heartford]

Insightful review, thank you

[@jasperdemuynck]

Definitely gonna read this. Thanks Ali!

[@BusinessTipsWithYulianna]

Aw, looking forward to reading it! 📚 I think it is so important to have the freedom of disliking someone and just stop communicating with that person.

[@spirit-of-joy3808]

Very informative, thank you! 👍

[@UserName-eo4pv]

Great review! Thanks!

[@chivonnecampbell]

As a parent you nailed it. I want to add that it makes your highs higher and your lows lower. So while daily you can't enjoy your hobbies and alone time as you would when you are single or without kids, when you see them hit a home run and the smile on their face....indescribable how happy you are

[@ThreeTwentyTech]

Your videos make me happy.

[@Tolkien1324]

Every time I need inspirations, Ali’s book club video is uploaded. 👍🤝

[@saroophamthani4408]

I really like Book club playlist! All the book suggestions are amazing. Keep them coming Ali Bhai!

[@rodraxsan7764]

Awesome summary, thanks

[@luminyam6145]

This is a great video, thank you. I am going to put that book on my list, it sounds really great. One of the best things about getting older is that worry about being disliked subsides. It is really helpful because you cannot always be liked especially at work and especially if you are in charge.

[@sakinakheriwala8736]

My fav book!♥️ Love the conversational style between the philosopher and youth. So glad you did a review on this one!

[@thasaklopp6848]

Thanks for your feedback. Send me a direct msg, I have something to share with you...

[@helloworld4902]

Thanks a lot for this Book club videos...♥️

[@cindyglasscock]

THANK YOU !!!! Awesome video

[@EstherJoy999]

Thank you for being authentically you🙏🏼

[@MattH4rrisTV]

Literally added to my reading list this morning!

[@atifrahman1257]

Thank you @Ali Abdaal Very helpful video.

[@ronstan3064]

Great video!!!! You are very good at explaining things…

[@onlyrevs6460]

just commenting to help the algorithm. Loved the vid man

[@skywriter9359]

My task: express my appreciation of your review. I liked this book a lot for new ideas to me. Thanks Ali. You are always interesting and so genuine.

[@mad-vu6cg]

love the last point so much❤️

[@hiiiroobee]

Thank you for sharing this! So well articulated and the texts and graphics are all so captivating

[@panosab]

Probably one of your best videos if not the best. Thank you.

[@wastsapme...510]

Hit me up 👆....

[@atillahsani5063]

"don't do someone else task". as someone who always put others before myself, this video really help me understand myself better.

[@alizo3]

Thanks a lot for these videos, they are really so helpful

[@thasaklopp6848]

🔝🔝🔝🔝 Thanks for your feedback. Send me a direct msg, I have something to share with you.........

[@pharmclare]

I love the books you have made me read. I will definitely read this too. Welldone Ali.

[@davs.ketchup]

Love this book. Also, I am glad you found a good use for that book that you used as a ruler. It probably functions better when used that way.

[@homie1366]

Thank you so much Ali for such great advice really agree with it✨

[@lovergirlmp3]

I have a Masters in psychology and still didn't hear much about Adler until I read this book... It's one of my favorite books & the concept of tasks and separating my tasks from everyone else's immensely improved my outlook on life and my mental health.

[@katherinedyson8822]

Great content. X

[@Freedomfastlane100]

Awesome reading! 👏

[@meetmehta2982]

Thanks for the great content and ‘quality’ videos! Love it, keep it going! Suggestion: If you can make podcasts for such videos it’ll be a cherry on top!

[@thasaklopp6848]

Thanks for your feedback. Send me a direct msg, I have something to share with you..........

[@liztarot]

Appreciate you! Subbed.

[@ellafarnsworth1934]

I really love your deep drive channel, I feel like I learn so much more about everything!

[@EnglishLearnersHere]

Love your video! Learned a lot from it! Shared this on my FB Page. Thanks!

[@sarahdupont1336]

Great video as usual! Thanks for your inspiration and compromise!

[@manaal_arts]

love everything u do. super helpful. but the part u talk about kids and how u find it hard they are a joy is so funny with the ''apparently" and the "kind off" and the hand gestures super funny. XD P.S again love what you do. gives me courage to believe in myself and work on my goals

[@kuroinekoworld]

That discourse around trauma reminded me of a book I read years ago, the famous "Man's search for meaning". As I wrote, I read it years ago, but if I remember well the idea was that trauma can "faced" by find some purpose in life.

[@FrenshPerfume]

Thank you for your time and effort. I'm buying the book in a few coming days. Bless you.

[@DunyaBaradari]

Unfair Ali, you took my future KZbin topic from me -_- this is one of my favourite books

[@nadiacarroll3161]

Sold me on the book. Can't wait to read it! Thanks!

[@LucasYokota]

as one of the learnings from the book, thank you for recommending this reading (this is not a compliment). This was very important and brought new perspectives for me. Thank you for sharing your insights and learnings as well!

[@Fromchrist2060]

I like the part of separation of tasks I was really worried about how people think about me which is "their" task Thank you Ali

[@noorulainnaseem6298]

I love this review, a bit tired of the trauma and therapeutic culture. In my life I have realized that adding value to something and being acknowledged gives true meaning and happiness. Although my job is pretty boring from the outside (lecturer at University) but I love being with young people and the whole environment of academia. I am very happy I quit accounts though it was very lucrative and did switch to social sciences. Thanks ali for sharing this book .

[@abigailfelisilda3877]

the opening animation is really mesmerising 😍

[@mahliyoonurullayeva8305]

Thank you, Ali Abdaal🤗🤗 After watching it, I was interested in reading this book. Then, I found e version and read it fully. I feel the happiness💗💗

[@pj_rwt]

Positive response 🥂😅 Thanks Ali for all your efforts and time .. it helps us a lot ❤

[@jonathanhappy3546]

Hey Ari, I've done my task, I enjoy your videos). You always being authentic. Appreciate it ;)

[@stevesimmons6500]

Your best vid in years Ali , (been watching for 4-5 years )you could easily have spent an hour on this topic .wonderfully thought provoking , engaging and stimulating bravo .i will rewatch this again its that good .

[@wastsapme...510]

Hit me up 👆....

[@_aiborie]

So that's why I feel happy helping people. That was validating. I was worried I was being a people pleaser. Probably a balance between the two. Thank you for making this book review Ali! 📚

[@maxself9446]

I believe it's in our DNA to help others because we're social animals. I, too, feel thrilled to help people!

[@apcollections]

Sure, we all do. But the book actually says, "don't look for validation" :) Honestly, it's not just helping others and being happy; there is much more to it. "Contribution to others" has been explained superbly in the book. For eg., how do newborns contribute?

[@_aiborie]

@@apcollections I've read the book. Be pedantic elsewhere, don't care.

[@minookalantari]

Thank you 😊

[@ad1r137]

this is an amazing book. Im just on the third chapter. thank you!

[@NiyanshuRaikwar]

Just finished this Book A minute ago ❤️ A Must Read Book

[@delight3397]

This video is one the best video till now, you were working from ur Heart. I m surely coming to London to meet you someday! Hope

[@bycryptoface5660]

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[@bycryptoface5660]

I got something profitable for you

[@albertoskytwins3527]

KZbin started randomly recommending me your videos and I'm glad it did because this is one of the best channels I've seen, you got a new subscriber!

[@aliabdaal]

Awwh thanks 😊

[@r.t874]

Love when you do book reviews! Really enjoyed this video; thank you

[@sandralee7690]

Thanks!

[@poepoe3303]

Great book with excellent , energetic review. I really love your work.

[@deanryanmartin]

Stupendous review. TBR'd this book.

[@thasaklopp6848]

🔝🔝🔝🔝 Thanks for your feedback. Send me a direct msg, I have something to share with you.........