This Mindset Becomes Poison Inside The Narcissist

[@susancoffey419]

At 74 years old I moved out to live on my own 3 years ago. Your videos have helped immeasurably over that time to understand what had been going on in my life. The difference is astonishing. I feel so peaceful now and actually happy. It's never too late. Thank you very much indeed.

[@charlotteslemp3687]

It's good to hear your feeling happy. I am 75 and was married 57 years, and have been on my own 3 years now. It's still hard at times, as I still have to deal with him. I'm just so thankful the word Narcissist is out there now...... for others to know about it. Prayers for your courage.

[@lilydancer4826]

Thank you for sharing your success story. After 34 years of enduring his abuse, in all its forms, I'm 58 and beyond ready to claim my life back! It's very encouraging to hear from others who have invested decades into such a life partner, yet still have the courage and confidence to reclaim your life.

[@christie991]

I finally left at 81. I have been on my own for 8 months . I have Discovered there are nice people out there who are so very helpful. I love my new little place and new friends. It is so lovely not to live in fear, not to have to block my bedroom door for fear of him coming in when sleeping, to be free of the daily put downs and All the criticisms I lived with for 30 years. You see it's never too late.

[@quantumfineartsandfossils2152]

@@christie991 hey sweet angel I am so happy you are free & happy I will be praying for you god bless you :)*

[@quantumfineartsandfossils2152]

I am so happy you are free & peaceful & happy & away from abusers, & abuse Dr. Carter is a fantastic Dr. & healer there are so many great Dr's on here doing such great work. I will be praying for you & I am so glad you are free!!

[@Teacher369]

Anyone who has lived through this nightmare has my heartfelt sympathy and empathy. I wish you peace, love and joy. 🙏 ☀️ 🐕 You are not alone.

[@MsChris2707]

It’s a nightmare. It’s good to know that I‘m not alone

[@malibu90265]

Thank you, Karen. It has been a nightmare - but I am fully awake now. I hope that you are doing well.💐

[@sturobertson6791]

Cheers Karen. That's a really heartfelt and nice thing to say. Thank you 🙏👍

[@Teacher369]

@@sturobertson6791 👋 Hi Stu. 💥 This is a powerful video. Dr Carter ☀️ is able to describe the insanity I grew up with. My mother was like Cruella Deville and my sister is exactly like Scar from The Lion King. E V I L 😞

[@annmariejensen7684]

I understand but sometimes I feel alone.

[@calight1111]

Narcissist abuse is poison.

[@marymorris6897]

Yes, yes, yes. It's subtle, and therefore all the more destructive.

[@FoxyGirlWonder]

That's a realization I came to recently when I was talking to someone who actually let me talk out some of what happened. I needed to word vomit the poison, and then the memories and hurt and poison were out and gone- but I still have the knowledge and lessons I learned.

[@calight1111]

I’ll also add they lack any role in damage control.

[@ClickerTrainer1]

My favorite quote from this one: 10:25 They are addicted to their own foolishness, to their own contempt, to their own degradation, to their own sense of meanness. That's what they are feeding. And my response to that is, 'I'm not going to participate in that.'

[@LM-hu7pp]

My narcissistic husband that I finally left recently after 17yrs of marriage has devalued me beyond how some treat their enemies and the look of disdain that was continually upon me from him will haunt me forever.... I never thought somebody could be so cruel to another human being than the way a narcissist treats their family it is truly such bizarre behaviors that many cannot even believe you and think you have made stuff up, until you've actually lived it for many years you would not understand how dreadful & dangerous living with a narcissist is😥

[@preparedsurvivalist2245]

Trust me I know. Just separated from my narc. I was verbally and emotionally abused for years, also physically. Had to get a restraining order and move out after a bad violent episode. One day to the next I never knew what I'd get. There was no consistency. Super demanding and strict one day, then irresponsible, careless, and reckless the next. She was always trying to demean, dominate, and control me. I was just something to be used, abused and manipulated, then discarded. All for her supply and narcissistic manifestations.

[@aungar2403]

That look still haunts me.

[@elminieholland4586]

"I choose not to drink your poison." The classiest and most confident statement that I've heard today. Keep these videos coming. You are a gem, Dr. Carter. Thank you so much.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

They may think it is a benefit to be "allowed" to kiss their azzes... They don't realize it literally is a toxic stink cloud that diminishes anyone who gets to sample their essense. It's all about them.

[@elanahammer1076]

Something that works for me is to not engage with narcissistic or toxic behaviors in various individuals any more than absolutely necessary. They are lost souls in humanity. 🤔❤🇺🇸

[@elcee7800]

Oh so true Elena. If it looks like a rat, smells like a rat, it IS a rat. Just keep walking!!!

[@patsk8872]

Not all people with narcissistic behavior are "lost"...

[@SendItForward]

What helps me is thinking of them as a smoker and I don't want to take in their second hand smoke nor smell like it!!!

[@mikediamond353]

@@patsk8872 yes, I agree. Dr C says that it exists on a spectrum, and everybody acts narcissistic sometimes. But i notice that he focuses mostly on full NPD

[@jacquelinefroehle5868]

They behave demonic

[@umelokarnes5460]

I've lived this nightmare! Hard to believe these individuals are so evil. After eleven years I got up and walked out while he was at work. Filed for a divorce and it's the best it's the best thing I've ever done even though he dragged out the divorce! He was secretive, held grudges against anyone who crossed him, adulterous and a pathological liar. And oh yes the smear campaign was relentless! Turned several so called friends against me. I decided they were just like him. Each day I thank God I'm free! 😢

[@praisingirl]

I equate it to dealing with an alcoholic or drug addict . I call it being a self-a-holic.

[@user-fs6ou3fk9p]

When the narcissist in my life asked about things he doesn't understand about my thinking or beliefs, it's ultimately used against me. I've learned not to share.

[@aliaskong1723]

I've learned never give them any personal info, they save it and it will be used against you. Its also the only way i know to really shake them up.

[@spiralwoman3788]

I hardly feel like a person anymore...but thanks to knowledge such as this I'm slowly regaining my sense of self. The beautiful person I used to be was destroyed by the narc in my life - but I can reclaim myself. Much appreciation for these life saving videos❤🧡💛💚💙💜

[@sturobertson6791]

Amazing comment and totally made sense to me. So powerful to read you say... "the beautiful person you used to be..." Re discovering this is the essence of healing. You nailed it!! 👍🙏

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Spiralwoman....What Stu said. He makes sense. Best wishes to you.

[@cynthiafortier2540]

Don't let him win!!! He hurt you but God can restore you. Horrible lesson for ALL of us here. We rise!! Sadly the narcs can't.

[@sturobertson6791]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Hi Dr. Carter. I'm 6 months free now from a destructive abusive relationship and feeling good. Calmly confident that I can stay on this healing path. May I again say thank you and all the best from the UK. 🙏👍

[@jms1086]

@Spiralwoman - It’s never too late! Let your light shine. 🙂

[@mandycote5662]

🎶All for one and none for all🎵

[@stacypogue3183]

TEAMWORK TO MAKE THE DREAM WORK

[@F417H]

1111

[@missyd65]

Absolutely

[@butchieblock9118]

Well said 😂

[@bridgettetraveler658]

One thing I hate about narcissist is no matter how much we do for these ungrateful demonized ppl we're never appreciated. They get mad when we show them that we don't need them nor do we want to be around ungrateful devils. They lie & try to make us feel little & tell others that we do nothing for them. I thank GOD everyday for seeing the things we do for other. Narcissist won't give us credit for anything good, but GOD knows. That's all that matters to me!!!

[@JessicaJLandi]

Some narcissists learn to "admit weaknesses" and "appear transparent" by admitting only what people will admire them for admitting or will make them seem powerful like being a "workaholic" or "having anger issues" - but they won't admit to being greedy, using others, lying, manipulating and such - unless they're sure that those "admissions" are with a group that will give them approval & "supply" for admitting such things. It's so insidious.

[@leeboriack8054]

The altruistic narcissist or the narcissist displaying calculated humility.

[@teresarodriguez821]

Many times I have said to my narcissistic family "stop the control and power pushing it's poison and destructive to this family!" and that only gets me their stonewalling, ghosting, hoovering and word salad. Truth be said none of what I say will work only cutting them off.

[@letamorgan6819]

Your videos have been lifesavers for me and a lot of us... Thank you for being so kind.

[@robynwaldo5565]

Even with 3 yrs out of the Narc Nightmare for 9 yrs..i still CANNOT wrap my head around these creatures..it's mind blowing..

[@Monjagetitonya]

The elderly narcissist is extremely hard to deal with. Morally and ethically I cannot abandon her. Although dealing with the “specialness” of herself and the “specialness” of requirements in her life… I’m at the end of frustration! Others don’t see it and I know many feel that I’m exaggerating… special, water, vitamins, sheets (wired for grounding), color keypad, shower head ( remove chlorine), light bulbs, clothing, food, trash bags, furniture placement… the list is endless! It’s exhausting!

[@williamdillard8330]

I have a cousin who fits this description to a tee. I wrestle with telling him he has NPD or letting him go to hell!

[@sturobertson6791]

Your goodness is more powerful than their poison

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Absolutely 👍

[@kf4722]

Yes! Thanks Stu

[@susanmunoz7688]

We are so blessed to have Dr. Carter’s wisdom and help but, how many of you love little Gus?🤗

[@vivianking8143]

Hello Dr. C and All, encouraging reminder to us to not '"flip the script." For me it takes much diligence on my part, as heart stirrings of missing my son, grandchildren, missing those relationships, now going on 6 yrs. And it seems it shall be this way till only God knows. Yet, in my working through this continued grieving, it is lessening, and these videos help me tremendously. I rely on God as I rest and continue on in His peace and pray, pray for them and others here who are suffering through as well. Thank You so much. In Joy

[@wendyelliott6828]

That is it. Power. And they attach to people who do not seek power … to people who relinquish power for love and compassion. In this way they always have a place to exert that power. Right there at home. I search for peace. To him peace was an obnoxious idea.

[@alyssaleatham8544]

My ex was born premature. Very small 58 years ago. Pair being small with an alcoholic father and that led to having to make himself seem big. When I was in it, I actually felt smaller than him. Now that I go months in between seeing him I cannot believe it. I was afraid of someone half my size. Now I know why he needed to be so loud, and tower over my son when he was little. The last time my son, now 6 foot tall walked past him, he hugged the wall with his back and shrunk before my eyes. I'm not afraid anymore. Scary how real that was though.

[@sturobertson6791]

Cheers to you Alyssa for not being afraid! That's proper growth. Good for you 👍

[@amandaliverpool3374]

My ex was only a few inches bigger than me but made me feel so much smaller than him. My children stopped seeing their father for 5 years. Now at over 6ft they tower over him. They see him occasionally now. He looks up to them 👍 Take care 🙏

[@Eusou13]

Well clearly size doesn’t matter if you felt that way around him

[@pamelafrancis6086]

Bingo! Can't control the outcome so let it go. It is pitiable.

[@tubab72]

Great analogy ! And just like any other addiction "enough is never enough" !! The hole inside can NEVER be filled ... just like black-hole's in the universe they will suck up everything in their field of gravity and crush it. Keep your distance !!!

[@mishaanton5436]

A PC rendering of a black hole is by my aquantance narc. SMH

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

MUST have power....so true. DOMINATING. Too much I could say. He blamed me for his failures. I had more compassion for him than he could recognize. 😢

[@kimberlymccracken747]

Meanness is the word. I hadn't used that until recently to describe one of many of these people. Pure meanness 👍🤷‍♀️

[@Hatbox948]

That's what I've experienced, and it hasn't been fun.

[@teresadvorak6145]

BULLY is a good one toooo 😊

[@juliebarrett8903]

The wisdom you are offering has deeply helped my understanding and my chosen responses, in terms of our narcissist daughter. So many great reminders! I’m very grateful for your generous support for those of us dealing with a narcissistic person in our lives. We don’t need to “drink the poison”; we can choose good boundaries and a strong sense of self, when interacting with challenging personalities. Thank you!

[@USNBLUE]

How on earth did your daughter end up a Narcissist?

[@sharonjones5173]

That’s why I still insist narcissist are born, not made. I’m so tired of hearing the abuse they suffered as children is the cause of their behavior. It isn’t. They are born without the emotional wiring to make them decent, caring human beings.

[@AlvinKazu]

@@sharonjones5173 I personally think that being born evil is pretty rare and a messed up thought. Children are barely taught by their parents these days. They go to school for most of the day from the age of 1-2, all the way until 18, and then thrown out into the world. That being said there are many that are abused and continue the narcissistic abuse patterns with generational narcissism and abuse, while some get out of it. I'm trying my hardest to get out of it, because I recognize my parents, who claimed to have bad childhoods themselves, even though my father was a Golden Child, and my Mother was an only child

[@USNBLUE]

@@juliebarrett8903 Oh. Wow. It’s generational. I was raised by a Narc mother, a complacent father and my sister is an extreme to the max Narc. So I understand generational. I was the scapegoat child nobody wanted, loved or liked. I had nothing but hate thrown at me by those people. As a Christian today, I learned that Narcissism is a Jezebel demon spirit that the person needs to be delivered from. But the person has to want to be delivered. Usually they don’t. I received deliverance from the trauma in my life and other things I needed. Doing much better now. I hope things improve for your daughter.

[@123raven4]

I MUST HAVE POWER!!!!! TRUTH RIGHT THERE!!! I run into the invalidation and exploitation and shaming and shunning stupidity! Oh gosh, the Covert one is all of them known! Crazy making! I'm not going to participate in that! Thank you Dr. C!

[@gillianbrookwell1678]

I think probably one of the worst things you can say to a Narcissist is 'You Are A Narcissist.' I tried that once and almost got my head bitten off.

[@robinwildheart5321]

Thank you Dr. C. I often watch your videos before interacting with certain family members. They put in the right frame of mind to go forth and grayrock! I have actually seen arguments get diffused before they even start. I'm learning that some people will yell because they think they can. But I can walk away from that now. Not all the time, but much more than I used to do.

[@NikkiGregory]

That’s exactly what I do. After I watch a video I’m ready!

[@sturobertson6791]

Nice one Robin. Good for you 👍

[@chrismarley3536]

& I frequently watch them after the narcissist encounter& read the comments or try & watch a livestream. As all here seem to recognize it helps establish the correct mindset for dealing with them before & again to recover myself & get support network needed for my own emotional & mental health. Appreciate Dr C & all these I interact with here. Without the support I've noticed after more than a decade the 🧛‍♀️ effect of narcissists' attack seem to just drain my energy😴

[@joefox9765]

It's sad to see so many narcissists in our family and around us. They love to victimize because they think they can it boost their low self-worth. They have a disease and yes it is poison. Let Christ be our rock

[@robinwildheart5321]

@@sturobertson6791 Thanks!

[@lindabest3171]

Thank you so much, Dr.Carter, I decided to get off of the "merry-go -round of Narccistic ppl completely, back in 2019.

[@hannahrosa5485]

My X used to say he owned me and that he had sold his soul to the devil. What was the reward for doing that? Seems God took him out because he destroyed so many lives. Do I gloat? No. I felt anger but it finally gave way to pity. Thank you. Dr. C.

[@JessicaJLandi]

I love when things can be brought to their concise essence. Our whole life should be about "loving God and loving others" - but narcissists are about "getting power" - it's the difference between a worthwhile or worthless way of spending life.

[@lockstar169]

In regards to "admitting one's weakness, gaining us power", I agree with that whole heartedly. Has anyone else experienced a narcissist whose history of bad behaviour is so well documented that, to preface their conversations, they say things like, "I know I can be a little over-bearing but..."? I feel like it's a pre-emptive strike. Essentially, "I brought it up first, so that you cannot use it against me..." In other words, "now you're not allowed to bring it up because I already did." Think of the mental gymnastics involved in that, just so that you can feel like you never backed down. Jeepers...

[@sturobertson6791]

So well said. The way you put it made total sense to me. Thank you 👍🙏

[@zibbielanham]

Thanks, Dr. Carter-- I learn a lot from your videos. I started listening after a career of 19.5 years was upended, and a subsequent relationship left me with cptsd. I had to deal with a persistent Narc at work the whole time, and the 'partner' was not full on narcissist, but sure used some of the same dirty tricks-- they were supposedly DID, with alcohol on top, and I just couldn't handle their self-destruct and my own well-being at the same time. I started therapy to deal with them during my own cancer battle! Sometimes I still believe their digs, but it fades as I learn more. Anyway, I listen to the very end of all your videos to hear the last line, because it's a mission of mine now, a powerful Mantra-- to Live and become a Healthy Person-- of Peace.

[@ecohumanism]

But you know, sometimes I start a conversation on sensitive topics with a small introduction like that. So I would say that narcissism shows up in what a person says after that and how they react on your responce. It took some time, but I've learned to stop people from speaking with me 🙃

[@hchayes9431]

My new favorite line...." My weakness wasn't that I saw you are a person with narcissistic disorder sooner".

[@kathyhoffman3163]

I often pose the question to that type of “set up”, “ …and are you telling me that because you are proud of it?!”

[@elainesmith5313]

Dr. C. .....25 YRS in the Alanon program saved my life with both dealing with my father's alcoholism and the Covert Narcissist I was married to for 4 decades. Step #1 was very important. But detachment was the key for me.... It allowed me to let go and give it all to God. Life did not play out well for him His life the last 12 yrs was on a path of self destruction. My sponsor for the first 20 yrs made a statement to me that has resonated with me forever. I quote her ( Janine said if anyone in your family is going to get well...its going to be you. She was fablous!! Grateful to her and to you for all the wisdom I have acquired. Thanks Dr. C.!! Many Blessing to you!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome, Elaine.

[@dianaliddelow7691]

Please thank Gus for his participation in your talks. I have been in Al-anon a while and it has really helped me see that I need to live my own life and let the narcissist live his. However, I really need to hear what you have to say about the narcissist's pain, just like the alcoholic is in pain and not treat them meanly even though that is their mode of operation. Thank you for helping me decide to be the better person.

[@preparedsurvivalist2245]

The shifting of their morals and beliefs and the hypocritical double standards is so TRUE. They are completely unrestrained by any congruent way of being, good OR bad. This keeps the victims guessing and always trying to validate and placate, guaranteeing the narc their much needed supply.

[@MarkErikEE]

Another good video. It takes two to tango, but narcissist already has the shadow self to dance with so count me out.

[@cosmicpolitan]

“Addicted to their own degradation” You hit the nail on the head! For years I’ve been trying to put into words my experience with my former boss. THIS IS IT! I could not fathom why this person, who was smart and educated, would ignore the most big and obvious red flags and walk head on into the most chaotic and toxic relationships. How could she not know? She knew! She was addicted to the drama.

[@medicineman3344]

You are describing my elder siblings!!!!. Because , I know , we come from a traumatic upbringing. ( various abuses). I feel guilty sometimes, about wanting and needing to keep a safe distance from them, keep them out of home, and away from my safe relationships. No contact for me is very very very Healing. My siblings are well educated but unwilling to try ! And change .(. As I have address family issues in a group chat. In an effort. To say :. I know why some of us are the way we are. I don't blame y'all but this madness has got to stop !). I wasted my time . when they can get my attention they try to make me feel guilty,. Put me down covert and overtly , as well as passive Aggressiveness. We are all older now. My family is pitiful. They have a public face and a private. They are so very unhealthy for me. In my life I never thought that I would experience. The degree of passive Aggressiveness, covert and overt evilness,. bitterness hatred , competition Now that I am knowledgeable of what's going on I protect myself. And you now what happens after.....well thought out hoovers :(. I am well ware that some of the poison may be in me , that is why I self examine and work on myself daily. Thank you for reading my very therapeutic post :)

[@morebirdsandroses]

I so hear you! I'm far from the remaining two family members who can't and won't grow or look at me fairly. Walked right into another narc's orbit here who I'd known years ago and has brought her worst to the forefront! Lucky I've made friends here who see what she is and totally support me having nothing to do with her. I hope more and more of the best for you, for us both. 🌹

[@edkendall6522]

I am powerless over people, places and things. If a person is willing to do whatever it takes to recover, then I extend my hand. If not, move on to the next suffering person that is willing. Keep it simple.

[@dianebinpa6668]

What they claim that they are sorry for is not doing even more of what caused the damage to begin with. Persisting in wrong to prove that they are right never ends

[@grantaugustyniak6667]

The only way you can defeat a “ I must have power “ mindset - is to have a greater one “ I’m more confident “ then you. The one thing I’ve learnt from all this madness is once you fully accept who these folks are & that they’re not going to change, the better off you’ll be .

[@kathiejl1]

It is still heartbreaking to abandon them to their addiction but I can no longer be an enabler because it hurts too much.

[@NopeNotTodaySatan]

Wow. This was one of the best descriptions I’ve ever heard of a Narcissistic Personality. Everyone needs to know this info. Thank you so much Dr. Carter!! You’ve helped me tremendously through out my healing journey. 🙏

[@fionaburton5457]

Surviving Narcism; Dr. Carter is like a wise, nurturing father figure! I am so grateful to him for sharing his empowering knowledge with such an empathic and calm demeanor.

[@MrFennmeista]

I think with narcissism it's interesting because it's literally about personal satisfaction over and above all

[@cynthiafortier2540]

I see their envy as their downfall. Oh heck, just about everything and anything makes their blood boil.

[@angelacahill9460]

Yes, one of my Ns is addicted to her anger. It's everpresent, as irritibility, frustration, hostility, impatience, contempt, disdain, or outright anger and rage. Unpleasant to be around.

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

My ex sent me an email this morning full of insults and untruths. The old me would have responded defensively. The newer me recognizes that he isn't interested in fairness or actual truth and did not respond. It's sad to see someone I loved sink lower and lower into this kind of behavior.

[@AlvinKazu]

I need to work on not defending myself. I've had a life of a mother who would blmae me for something, and a father who only listened to her, so trying ot explain myself was a way of saving myself, but it just... never seems to work. I have this neeed to be heard, to be listened to and understood.... But They wont understand me.

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

@@AlvinKazu I get it. I have found that it's a waste of time to try to reason with a narc- and very unsatisfying. They aren't interested in hearing truth because they prefer their own version of everything and everyone. Their minds are very disordered.

[@kathiejl1]

It is truly sad to watch someone I honestly loved and who needed to be loved be devoured by his own behavior. I wish there were a way to save them from themselves. 😢

[@DCMikeAviationFun]

Smiling Dr Carter. Thank you. This is me, and I deserve to have opportunities and a chance at happiness, hobbies, and more. Thank you for your guidance. Family and friends thank you!

[@jojo1960uk]

Thank you so much Dr C xxxx You have helped me understand what happened to me. Your last video really flicked the switch with me and I feel I'm now on the road to recovery from the horror of our family narcissist and the damage we have all suffered.

[@janpressler1491]

This is what I go through EVERY DAY...33 yrs of this crap not knowing what was going on with my husband until your videos. You have been so helpful and my husband is walking on eggs shells not knowing what I'm thinking and not showing any care of what comes out of his mouth. I stopped communication, eye contact, and being out of the house A LOT, which keeps you sane. Unsettling life to live through and try not to go crazy.

[@PrivateEye_007]

Love your go "grey rock", I imagine it cuts the puppeteer's strings 😁, you have the best info🤩, I understand them better thanks to you🥰🥰🥰

[@PuraVida57]

Thank you Dr C! Whether intentional or not, you covered much of my question last week and I'm so grateful! This community of shining light during dark circumstances is so refreshing ❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome, Laura!

[@hopegardens]

8:50 This is the information that helps me the most. For me I can lose myself either way.... submitting or fighting. I dont want to do either. I want peace. Sometimes it feels like peace is hard to find. I at least want it within my own mind.

[@hchayes9431]

One classic narcissistic person we dealt with also is a heavy drinker. (What they use to call a "daytime drunk") she'd call and as the minutes ticked on she'd become more sloppy, slurred words,louder and emotional. And in one episode forgot she was talking to me...and started talking about me, as if I was someone else.

[@medicineman3344]

Stop ! 😂🤣

[@AlvinKazu]

My narcissistic mother would call one of her friends to talk crap about another friend.... then she would hang up, call the other friend, and start talking crap about the first friend. They don't talk to one of the "friends' anymore, and now all she does is talk to the one friend about the other friend, trying to brainwash the one friend against the other friend. Lately, mom's been having issues with the one friend she still has.... It's no wonder my parents have no friends.

[@merldog]

Me too! After 65 years of abuse at the hands of men I've realised that all I need in my life is to not be abused. I would have appreciated "surviving narcissism" in my life earlier had it been there but at least I am comforted in the fact that younger women today can find this content and understand their lives better.

[@Andrew-eo5bv]

If you make someone look bad enough, you will absolutely look better by comparison. Minus the shady crud you did, to make them look bad.

[@leilagomulka5690]

Yes. The narcissist’s addiction to his own delusion of reality.

[@jamaalhorton2343]

I was talking to a narcissist the other day and when I say I wasted a hour of my life!!

[@MsChris2707]

Their fixed mindset is poisonous.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Totally toxic 👍

[@MsChris2707]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Indeed. A fixed mindset prevents growth.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@MsChris2707 Absolutely. The more we can detox the healthier we can become. Take care 🙏

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@MsChris2707 Also, I think Dr.C and this unique team have cooked up their own antidote to this poison. Cheers 🤗

[@teresadvorak6145]

Yep, just like a rattle snake 🐍🙄

[@roxymovie3938]

The Mindset of a Narcissist is all about power, "I must have power!" It can be compared to an addiction to power and every kind of addiction becomes poison and as a result life will become unmanageable. The Narcissistic mindset: "You need more of me!" "I need more of me!" Narcissists are addicted to their own sense of entitlement. This addiction to power can be shown in an overt way... > pushy > forceful > rage > critical > invalidating ...and in a covert way: > silent treatment > non-cooperative > holding grudges > secretive > phony > evasive Why do Narcissists have this mindset? 1. They live in a deep compensation mode 2. They can't say, "I hurt." but instead they need to hurt you 3. They are lying to themselves about their self importance 4. Their shadow self is in full control 5. They operate with self loathing 6. They are afraid of their own humanity 7. "Truth" is whatever suits them in the moment 8. You become little more than a prop 9. The rules of engagement are murky 10. Curiosity lost since certainty is paramount ==> Dehumanization becomes their central theme To heal any kind of addiction, the first step is to admit that you are powerless over the addiction and that you can't manage life. You will find power as you acknowledge your weakness. The Narcissist is not able to think this way. The Challenge when engaging with a Narcissist: 》Don't try to flip the script 》"I see through your pittiable game!" 》Decency is my calling card 》I will be honest about my own errors 》I won't prove myself at anothers expense 》I won't play the role of subordinate 》If it bothers you, I will not defend 》I will not give up my sense of choice Dr Carter 👨‍🦳 and Gus 🐶, thank you for another insightfull lesson 🌞🌟🌝

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Fabulous, Roxy!

[@heathersheff1801]

Dr.Carter I am very Thankful for all your Videos.Your Explanations your Calm Voice and your Sense of humor.your everyday guidance is such a relief.Thank goodness for you!

[@sherrymurphy855]

"no need to prove myself".... do not try to prove yourself - that will be exploited too.

[@fred.k9875]

Thank you Les and Gus 😊!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome, Fred.

[@catherineclark169]

I like that. How I deal with the narcissist, and neutralise them is, I say, "You are a mosquito." In other words, pesky, but trivial.

[@teresadvorak6145]

Yeah. One good swat,& it's all over for the bug. We could just drop em like Flys 🪰🤪

[@aspasiaholley]

I really resonate with the suggestion of having an inner compass to remain centered in. It’s so easy to get swept up in the games. Embodying the shift from power over/under to power to/with is for me a process/practice. It is so very helpful to have these tools and insights. I love knowing you’re here. Thank you so much 🙏🏽💕

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Great comments, Aspasia!

[@bethtaylor9773]

'Let the whirling dervishes whirl.' quote from a friend.

[@simonhilgevoord8020]

Dr. Les Carter you are an absolute expert when it comes to this subject Listening to you it's crystal clear You make sense of the NONsense! It helped me tru tough times Cant thank you enough! Keep 'm comming

[@sherrymurphy855]

If we call out the narcissist for being poison - we are called crazy!😵‍💫

[@MegDD3912]

This describes my step mother well I'd like to see my dad with someone he could be happy with & have a peaceful home environment

[@oneminuteofmyday]

This one really hit hard for me and at the right time. I have to be in court with my ex later this week- 16th hearing in 9 years. I’m writing 9:07 down for when the anxiety starts creeping up. Thank you.

[@elcee7800]

So accurate once again. I subconsciously knew all this in the back of my mind all along but it took you Dr. C. to unlock it. The mind is a very protective mechanism, isn’t it? It’s as though you are storing all this up for fear of loss.

[@LaniLanilei]

I need more of Dr Carter's wisdom

[@greggpatten2165]

Thanks to your free to be, this is me, anger trap course I am finding my way out of the swallowed aggression pit that I have been in forever. Hardest thing I’ve ever done, but worth it.

[@quantumfineartsandfossils2152]

6:40 Yes you were way ahead of me they are disgusting because they use everyone like a “ prop” yes

[@elaineanderson2989]

It is so true that when you see yourself realisticly and accept and acknowledge your shadow self is when you truly come into your own power. Wise words Dr C 😊 🐕 💤

[@taniamartin6978]

Not just the narcissist in-laws but BIL in so many words said "drink the poison and like it ". Told my partner to get rid of me! Wow.

[@aungar2403]

Seniors need therapy, too. Hard to find therapist that works with NA and accepts Medicare.

[@akai.christo]

Thank you Dr. C♥️🙏🔥 Wish you and all here a beautiful day and great week!! 💪🙂👍

[@marymorris6897]

Thank you. May you have a great week also.

[@sturobertson6791]

I second what Mary said! You are always so positive Papu! All the best to you 👍🙏

[@mday3821]

Thank you, Dr. C. I really needed this reminder today. That it wasn't about me, but about the narcissist needing power & her self loathing. Narcissist are addicted to power.

[@aungar2403]

That might be one facet, but I think they take real pleasure in hurting people. They get a sadistic pleasure from seeing the victim in pain. I lived this torture growing up and ended up being married to the same personality type. I am a mess.

[@mday3821]

@@aungar2403 I do believe in some Narcissists like the Malignants who just get a thrill out of seeing their "Target(s)" in pain and can even cross the line into Anti-Sociopaths (Sociopaths). My NM was in fact, a Covert/ Malignant and loved seeing me hurt, struggling, used, and abused. But I'm sure other subtypes have this "cruel side" to them as well, just maybe not as strong. From my understanding.

[@Whiteowls4532]

They also trend toward addictions that are dehumanizing.

[@Greenfields-w2p]

My goodness thank you Dr. C. I have the answers to how I will communicate now. The narc in my life (28 yrs) is now so outrageously emboldened (not wearing a narcissist mask) that this past wknd in a public place ( not behind closed doors like usual ) yes in public restaurant this individual became irate in simple conversation about real estate availability as this person was reading an email from an iPhone at the time & 2X slammed down a heavy lead crystal glass full of ice & 4oz of scotch at a small shared table for two with in a few min of each other & followed that action(s) by a physical hand karate chop across the wooden dining table towards me @ a busy steakhouse & then started yelling at me & I asked this person to stop 3 X with no success & then this person followed up with “in my face “ loud profanities -assertions which were delivered like an assault . 😱 I got up collected my belongings & left the restaurant. In no time this person was blowing up my iPhone with texts that say should I hold the table? Where are you? & can we start this night over ? 😮omg😢 help!!!

[@sheilayagodzinski5747]

Get out while you can it will not get better, it would be pure hell. Stay safe live your life in peace.

[@teresadvorak6145]

Sounds like U did the right thing. Now, don't answer any calls or texts cause U know it will go to another level if U allow it. Good luck & God bless

[@begonia3546]

"Im going to enter into the competition with you"! Its exactly where you'll end up & might not realize it, until its too late.

[@pamelahansen5928]

As always - incredibly helpful and so perfectly explained - thank you, Dr. C- and Gus💝

[@lilyb2617]

He has zero interest in my boundaries or opinions. Especially if he’s intoxicated, there’s no point in pointing it out to him. He’s as of yesterday the ex and that’s where he’s staying. No more chances. For anyone reading this, considering taking them back think hard. They are extremely charming, they swamp you with attention (but it’s actually control for them) their crown will fall off again (he took less than 8 weeks) I feel sorry for him in many ways as he doesn’t see it, full of ego and self confidence which is part of the attraction, yet the truth is they can’t hold down any relationship, they may be able to attract but not sustain with anyone of value. So learn your value and know you deserve more.

[@teresadvorak6145]

Hey, very well put 👍 😊

[@christinadennis1223]

Thank you Dr C and snoozing Gus🐾 Always something new to learn on here 😊🇬🇧

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Our pleasure!

[@lyricmelody8162]

In 12-step I met a woman who had come to the insight that her own pain was the fact that her mother never loved her, and that her controlling outlook was her trying to make her Mom love her

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That actually makes sense.

[@Marshadow69]

As a narcissist develops an obsessive need to devalue their partner, is it the dopamine addiction which keeps it going? Dopamine addiction, of course, has its own road, leading to lack of interest in everything else, then a loss of interest even in the act of devaluation itself - and collapse.

[@rauxieswisdom3102]

It makes suck a difference to me, to just refuse that game! ❤️

[@whynot5846]

OMW.....she worked for me for 3days. I fired her yesterday. The power she tried to pull over my eyes.... OMW. It's like she tried to hide she could not do the job and all the job is is frying mini donuts. Luckily I listen to you. Thank you

[@2009jadeorchid]

thank you dr carter this is so helpful i have narcs on one side of the family and i always thought i was going crazy and even unlikable within the family yet people outside the family we all get along nothing was normal everything conflicted then some people in town are narcs and learned not to absorb their negativity and mind games i have to learn to really guard myself against narcs and have peace of mind 💕

[@kevindavis1281]

Stop engaging with them. Stop giving any of your valuable time to them. Know your rights and your values and kick them to the curb. You are better than this!

[@l.5832]

How do you not engage when they are your boss, falsely accusing you?

[@kevindavis1281]

@@l.5832 I would quietly be applying to other jobs. When I got a new job I would simply say 'bye' to the old boss.

[@Marshadow69]

The final bit of your presentation - at around 9.45 into the video - would make an excellent addition to my self affirmation script.

[@pamelamoore6239]

Dr. Carter, thank you, thank you, thank you!!. The N's in my life are so poisonous that it takes me days to recover after even a short visit. You are the only person who not only addresses this power addiction, but more importantly, show us how to protect and arm ourselves against this onslaught. Again, thank you so much...I have hope.

[@mday3821]

You should check out Dr. Ramani & "Exposing The Narcissist" with Claries. I just love Dr. C, but watching all three have helped me greatly. They all bring something different to the table.

[@CTSCAPER]

Thank you, Dr. Carter. Your videos give such a sense of calm. Hopefully, I can tap into that calmness when around folks like this. I will not engage in your shenanigans. I will remain true to who I am. I will set and enforce boundaries with dignity, respect, and civility.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are quite welcome

[@imnoel8214]

Thanks Dr. C! It's always good to hear from you.

[@Whiteowls4532]

It seems like an over reaction/ compensation to powerlessness trauma somewhere in their life.

[@kathiejl1]

Usually in childhood when they had no defenses. It is truly heartbreaking to be another person that must abandon them. 😢