60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 13/33 - Trust Issues

[@Sunmoonstars976]

Wth?! Why am I only finding this man @ 51 years old? He has explained why all my relationships have failed. I've had GAD/panic attacks and depression for 25 years and never understood why. I've always believed it was a chemical imbalance, but I really believe it's due to trauma.

[@litrugia]

This is your awakening. I had this experience last year after my Mum died. Now my whole life makes sense.

[@Salseeco]

Same here last year October

[@melkorb3341]

Really enlightening, thank you. We've all heard "You have to learn to trust people" over and over but nobody explains practically what that entails. You did a great job of that, and also adding in that we have to become trustworthy ourselves. It's such an obvious but overlooked point

[@endriandri7914]

Can't tell you how many times I heard that. I'm sure we all would do it if it would be so simple....

[@leahflower9924]

Yeah but if they break trust even one time then it threatens our survival mechanisms

[@mknels1299]

Ditto, surrendering you will win

[@lukedegraaf1186]

My problem is I've trusted the wrong people, and not trusted some good ones. I can't tell who to trust, I don't trust myself to work out who to trust, so I stay alone, and that's gonna make things worse, but so will trusting the wrong people again 😅😢

[@elizabethy2912]

I've been watching this man's therapy sessions, and have learned more than I ever realized, I needed to know. Nuclear family - toxic, husband - toxic. Today- free, and starting to disseminate and acknowledge all the pain. At times it feels like too much, but Jesus has led me throughout all of it!! I still have hope and Joy!!

[@123chupachups]

This series is a monumental work👏 respect

[@cfnaround1585]

You should talk about trust with avoidant people. It’s so easy to break their trust, just trying to talk to them about your emotions shuts them down

[@caroleminke6116]

Don’t try it with a narcissist

[@chrissemenko628]

​@@caroleminke6116Omg! Right??!!!

[@Salseeco]

It's easy to break everyone's trust but may we not find evil people

[@lauralucio314]

You have a very well structured way of explaining the issues surrounding trauma. You have been very helpful. Many thanks for doing these talks.

[@echofoxtrot2.051]

They say "my experience is the truth". I choked on my own throat. How do you invent these profound phrases? I'm talking, you keep making me stop mid-what I'm doing to actually fully attend to what you're saying because it resonates like you're hitting me in the head with a cymbal of reality.

[@DinaTous]

I attract to people like myself. I was very picky with my friend group. I have always been a truthful person and expected truth in my friendships. I refused to be like my parent. I’m 59 and still have many of those childhood friendships. And they are as solid as a rock.

[@7064000324]

I am not religious, nor am I very familiar with the bible. But Tim, I always stay and listen to the christian portion, it is refreshing to listen to the wisdom in the stories. Thanks for helping to shine light on this mysterious and important topic.

[@paulsletten8985]

The lord has blessed you Tim.

[@jpj5635]

THIS IS A LIFE CHANGING TEACHING

[@faithhopelove7286]

Man of GOD ALMIGHTY, thank you. 🙇‍♀️

[@LOVEISTRUTH300]

Yes. I always say he is LOVE💖💖💖

[@overarainbowov7520]

I appreciate your talks very much. Thanks for recording them.

[@sunnygirl9691]

Tim’s information is THE BEST. Thank you for sharing 🙌🏼

[@palobar9974]

I cannot find the words to say thank you for all the wonderful videos you have created. You are the best!

[@maryanncarrigan1526]

Thank you so very much for your help and your guidance on complex trauma. I am slowly making progress. Unfortunately I am most severe survivor and suffering countless alters. I'm grateful finding you.🙏

[@iw9338]

Excellent teaching,helped me to take a hard look at my response to stress. Thanks Tim.

[@song4mozart]

How do I trust again? - Trust is built on evidence (cortex), not my feelings (limbic) - trust vs confidence- this is where I fail. My anxiety increases so much, and this is the stage where I deliberately find something so that i can say AH HAH! I knew it! so that I can feel justified in pushing him away.

[@Salseeco]

Thanks ❤

[@tobsternater]

wow.....this guy. He talks this in ways that seem unrecoverable from but because he NAILS the issues so fundamentally to the experience CPTSD sufferers experience. He is a gift to those on a long road.

[@elliottkatane]

Thank you so much for all these valuable information. It helps me understand and reflect back differently. But it also makes me feel very angry to have been gaslit

[@song4mozart]

My parents gaslit me all the time when I was a child. When i did something wrong as a child, they beat me and said I deserved it, and made me apologize for making them angry. I love my parents. They apologized when I was an adult and admitted what they did was abusive, but it was too late. I have forgiven them - they have since passed on - but I need to parent my inner child and love her. In turn, I have eroded trust with my partner when I react, become overly-suspicious, accuse, push them away. When I'm in a happy relationship, I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Unlike many, I share everything I feel. I tell him that I'm scared and why I'm scared. After 7 months together, he broke up with me because of these destructive patterns. I understand he loves me, but my reactions and accusations are scary. I just wanted him to stand by me through therapy instead of breaking up with me. He said he wants to wait for me, but he is leaving it in God's hands. He is a beautiful person, and I miss him. Although, my trust issues are still there.

[@Relayzy1]

You need to work on yourself and health, nobody can do it for you, but you already did the first step, keep walking lady... ✌

[@emmanuelledenfert-bariani8144]

Thanks you for these insightful teachings, so precious!

[@hopehilstad369]

Thank you! God Bless you and your family!

[@kimberlybrink1400]

Finally some answers. Thank you so much!

[@marty4268]

another excellent friday night talk. thanks

[@valeriebutler908]

It's tough listening to this as a parent knowing I'm on both sides of this. I'm so grateful to be learning from you 🙏🏽

[@tmking7483]

For me as an adult_ who was severly abused as a child_ I only trust anothers behavior compared to their words. I only believe behavior. Words are cheap.

[@g.s.632]

True words are cheap. I agree with you.

[@digitalsamurai42]

Actions speak louder than words. Words don't say much at all.

[@mettacine]

I'm realizing this too late in my marriage. Actions are the truth.

[@Ruby-wise]

Oh wow…NOW I understand so much more about myself and how I function in relationships! TY Tim for this teaching!

[@caroleminke6116]

My childhood was about all this as well as worse issues such as incest & sexual abuse. Of course I don’t trust anyone but just attract more of the same type. I’m 66 now & simply trying to live a peaceful no contact life on my own. Animals & nature help me heal as well as feel love, joy & peace ✨

[@tmking7483]

God knows what happened to us. Hes always been with me through the childhood fires _ showed me the apple trees and water for nourishment.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Yeah, seems to me that he is the one ultimately responsible for it.

[@heathergarves8845]

It is so soothing to listen to you. Thank you so much for covering this topic! Wish you were my parent! Great content.❤

[@drsandhyathumsikumar4479]

So precious and helpful clarify much appreciared

[@Thatsbannanas-d8c]

Thank you for helping me.

[@georgiakritikos4955]

Sir , in the best country in the world for freedom & liberty , I'm glad we are on this platform to show & prove ❤trust begins in our selves ❤spill the beans on , slavery by consente 💯🎥🎬

[@georgiakritikos4955]

Pick Pockets markets by products for HAZOURD LIFESTYLE ❤STAY AWAY FROM ❤TRUST YOURSELF FIRST

[@georgiakritikos4955]

Slavery by consente ❤must be the worste jail cell, ❤ever

[@georgiakritikos4955]

Good Job ❤Sir

[@arianebennion]

Thank again Tim Fletcher. You're healing generations here in my home.

[@windrock]

What a re learning talk. Im working through much of what you spoke of. And realising that my radar was on point but i never listened. Wow.

[@Oceansoul22]

So enlightening and inspiring, and I've been crying listening to the Cristhian part ❤

[@geoffreycurrieIII]

I would love to hear a lecture on rejection. It's something we all fear, especially coming from CT.

[@mi6432]

Thank you, these videos help me a lot!

[@newbieme2731]

Excellent!

[@rabbster7]

Could you explain more about what it actually means to operate out of your cortex rather than the limbic brain? I'm not sure exactly how I do that... Just would like that to be explained more. Thanks.

[@caroleminke6116]

Limbic is feeling then action as in a fear response to danger & cortex is taking a breath then thinking about the situation before reacting in a non life threatening situation so that you can choose how to respond from a higher place of discernment

[@JMSsssssss]

Interesting about trust and love, and having that contradicted in childhood. I've never considered it in the way you presented it, so thank you. I didn't actually experience the feeling of being loved in my family. I knew intellectually that my mother loved me, though I don't believe my father did. I don't remember actually hearing the words. I am actually uncomfortable saying it, and I wonder if I actually do feel love for anyone, family included, and if I'm uncomfortable because it feels like a lie. Except my dog, who I love more than anything. I feel like I was robbed of that ability.

[@sarahalderman3126]

Boy can I relate to this! Though I have come to realize that is our black and white thinking again… people can “love” you while also hurting you. Two things can be true at once. Idk but it seems like we basically have this idea that love should be almost perfect, and it isn’t. Love comes with all sorts of pain and disappointment, but the key is that pain and disappointment does mean the love doesn’t exist. Love is when the good outweighs the bad, but it doesn’t mean there is no bad.❤

[@lifeofmim]

That was very excellent content. Thank you so much Tim!

[@marcusjwilliams1974]

Excellent

[@Take_one_moment_to_appreciate]

Thank you.

[@shelteredsparrow2736]

Wonderful handling of Romans 8:28

[@RyanWeaver-fp5kq]

Fascinating stuff… I am and the work of better is not a fad.

[@Lunasdad88]

Thank you Tim

[@kathyramos8276]

This was just amazing ❤

[@UnapologeticGen]

thank you. help me alot

[@fionagrant2023]

54 years of Cptsd 💔

[@ildikovisolit2014]

I have been betrayed by nearly everyone I know. I’m really trying to work on my trust issues. I only have 2 friends and an online love whom I desperately trying to trust without being told by others that I’m gullible and crazy for falling into the trap of trusting against my inner intuition

[@jasonhand2439]

Woww I'm going to listen again

[@ildikovisolit2014]

I have to say that without faith and belief in God and the power of prayer I believe I wouldn’t still be alive. So despite complex trauma. I still trust God. And honestly I’m not sure why but I trust in my love of 4 years online more and more. I’m really trying❤ to

[@bajkerjohnvolta]

That was very eye opening. I'm coming from Balkans and trust here is very bad. What was said here sounded almost like fantasy.

[@Muttan007]

Thank you so much ❤️🙏❤️

[@JM-ie1bi]

Thank you for the last part.

[@MDYtama]

I was on that self dependency state that i pushed away all of my soft side and intimacy several years ago. Thank God that i am able to rebuild that with my partner during this days, but i dont know why somehow i slipped again on trust issue lately.. 🤣🤣🤣

[@mitche5007]

The foundation of our relationship with God is trust🙏

[@malemaline]

This is very informative. I have cptsd and deal with extreme fatigue and disinterest in life any videos on that?

[@shadowfax9177]

I too have the same thing. The unrelenting fatigue and lack of motivation is killing me. I wish he had a topic on this.

[@theoracle5265]

Every thing you said about eroding trust All of those things happened to me as a child and for 37 years married to my exwife

[@Relayzy1]

Porn happened to you as a child?

[@chatitup2943]

I'm not hearing what to do instead, I'm just hearing what I'm doing wrong.

[@MrAllysonn]

I can honestly says that I dont trust people, I says no a lot of friends, I bring no one to ny house, I dont go into people house unless theres a tangible purpose then I leave. If a friend or a partner dont follow throughout? No explanation and no apologies? The person is out. I also dont share much about myself good or bad news so lot of small talk that I usually finished pretty quickly. On a personal level, once trust is broken I can see the person in the same way and I will be out for good. 😊 no energy to RE TRUST someone who betray you on a low or high scales. 😊

[@kasspriscilla9350]

Abuse any kind of abuse violation trust in relationships

[@monkeybone6843]

Feel like some of these are over the top, idk I do me and if that affects your trust for me. I feel like that’s your problem.

[@paulruss1436]

Amazing

[@wastedanalogues8991]

Why do I love my partner and stay with him for 6 years, he did and does every single thing on the list of things that break trust. Every single one.... secretive at times, has thrown me under the bus a couple times, does anything to win , and tells white lies, and talks about himself and says he cares so much bit then doesn't listen to my needs or struggles, had many times beem so inconsistent, has porn addiction, self indulge, never takes accountability when he will say really cruel thjngs to me, and I take care of him i. Huge ways, he doesn't give me thanks , he lies and is hypocritical. What is wrong with me... that i believe him about loving me and wanting to become better and stops his reckless behaviors.. but turns so fast.. but when things are good, we are best friends and he is getting better now at communicating, amd respecting me... I absolutely have pushed him away to a point of an awareness I deserve so much better... he grew up being abused with gas lighting and neglect and all types of bad things.. but he became like them..

[@PracticalChristianWarfare]

Look up trauma-bonding and narcissists

[@wastedanalogues8991]

@PracticalChristianWarfare okay .. thsnk you, I am out of the relationship now, and doing E.M.dR therapy

[@sll110]

when I am hearting you, I am triggered too much to dying

[@olivervilassuarez7893]

Lighthouse in the Darkness…..Amen 🙏

[@vinozarazzi5633]

Please speak to WHO and "Trust"

[@femininejewel]

@femininejewel 0 seconden geleden You always say: ' talk to somebody' but what if in your life all your family is dead and you have no access to intimacy because every one you meet is a stranger. Its true I live in the Philippines and have no one of my own race around. I 'escaped' Western Europe because of the high level of narcissism there. In 40 years no single sane friend or warmth. Dont have cash for online therapy and do not have access to the USA where there is more consciousness and help. I am totally isolated and no chance of finding anyone to attach too, or even talk too in a day. Its unbearable brain famine and then WITH complex trauma to digest. Completely isolated in a strange low-concious culture, with people looking at you like an ATM, being scammeded multiple times by 'friends' because I was looking for closeness. Being the ATM -stranger in a low-minded very dissociated strange culture with no escape. Like an isolation death sentence NOW WHAT???

[@caroleminke6116]

Try online help. Dr Les Carter is excellent with his channel Surviving Narcissism

[@lizziethelizzard4808]

But like how do you make sure you aren’t doing all these things…

[@ParDiss-e4i]

I should have the most trust issues but i think some psycho isn't worth hurting over.

[@boxelder9167]

I hear what you are saying but I am still not sure if I can trust it. 🤔

[@larondabourn858]

Actually, now that I think about it, the most important thing may be to trust YOURSELF-to discern how trustworthy someone is, to be wise with what you share, to notice when they’ve no longer trustworthy & walk away, take notes, and to be strong enough to know that you are capable without them. It’s personally more about me than it usually is about them. However! There are those who can con anyone-let that stuff go! 😉

[@leahflower9924]

Good one 😅

[@Thatsbannanas-d8c]

Ha! It’s invisible.

[@shahilagh]

Most people show over time they are not trust worthy! What are you talking about?!!😊

[@digitalsamurai42]

Lol yes I think modern days it's basically most people nowadays due to life being too difficult and too overwhelming.

[@shahilagh]

@@digitalsamurai42 it has been always like this since Adam and Eve had their two sons

[@Britt3334]

Yeah bc we’re all going to mess up eventually so it’s about what you can trust with. I may not be a cheater but bad with money for example. AND people who trust no one usually are also very untrustworthy. You should start with being trustworthy yourself

[@digitalsamurai42]

Can you focus more on solutions? I'm getting so overwhelmed by all of the info and learning how fucked up I am. It's too much. Focus on solutions in bite sizes.

[@Okeezy-v7g]

He has whole playlists on solutions. Go look for them. This video is part of a 60-part series on the characteristics of complex trauma.

[@pegagonza3784]

May you give me permission to make a Spanish video of this explanation ?? ❤❤ I thank you so very much for sharing this information

[@Relayzy1]

How does porn betray trust? That personal, question would be why is it needed in the first place?!

[@Juane72]

I’m unsure what healthy intimacy looks like

[@DanielMOFO]

Listening to your vids make me hate my parents more and more every day.

[@digitalsamurai42]

Love is the antidote. Do you think they hated you? Or were they just ignorant? If ignorance, why hate that?

[@DanielMOFO]

Ignorant or not. Every adult is accountable for their own actions.

[@jeanmearns7068]

You need to try and forgive them going forward in your life to heal.

[@Relayzy1]

​@@jeanmearns7068this sucks so much but is true.

[@song4mozart]

This 31:47

[@Sproutgoodnight1161]

Please read Deuteronomy 28.

[@destroyraiden]

damn I got a 9/36 and my sister got 21/36 no wonder I've got issues trusting her and she me!

[@marilynnelson4718]

Where do you get these numbers?

[@Quasihamster]

"I will be loving even when I don't feel like it." Sorry but that does NOT make someone trustworthy in my eyes. I can tell they're faking it. That's really just what the pseudo-loving parents describes earlier did.

[@user-ku5vm5jb1h]

This video describes narcissists. Living with one

[@kendrar3072]

I dont understund this. Lets take the porn example. A person might say and promise not to watch porn. What does that help, if he still WANTS to watch porn? Makes no sense.

[@BrigitteGoodman]

The moment you started to babble about god I stopped listening. Whst a bs.

[@mariaolsrud7346]

Trust in God not people.