Understanding Trauma - Part 9 - Fear

To properly understand Complex Trauma, one must realize that the prominent, controlling emotion becomes fear (even though people may not even realize this about themselves). Tim helps us understand why this is so and what it looks like.
Thanks for reaching out! Read below to discover ways you can help, or go to our website: www.timfletcher.ca!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
LEARN
🔍 ONLINE
🎓 BRAND NEW Courses + Memberships available at www.timfletcher.ca/membership...
🎓 LIFT Online Learning is available from the comfort of your home. Book a no-commitment intake using the following link: calendly.com/nicole-b-j/45min
🔗 CONNECT WITH A SUPPORT GROUP Request access to our Facebook group! Link here: www.facebook.com
🎓 Counselling is available worldwide in English. Please fill out our inquiry form: forms.monday.com/forms/478e01...
🎓 Coaching is limited to our LIFT Online Learning or in-person RE/ACT clients. If you are interested, please see the link above for LIFT Online Learning and book your intake call today.
🔍 IN-PERSON
🎓 We are working hard to get RE/ACT centres and programs set up around the globe. See where the closest location to you is here: www.timfletcher.ca/learn-in-p...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
TEACH
🎓 COMPASS Facilitator & Coach Training is offered to LIFT Online Learning graduates who would like to facilitate our programs or further their education as Complex Trauma coaches. Our coaches and facilitators help those living with addictions, process their trauma and assist them in developing techniques that lead to better decision-making and healthier lives. Learn more here: www.timfletcher.ca/teach
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
ENGAGE
🎓 Workshops are being made available where you, a group or organization can attend to learn about Complex Trauma. Workshops are specific to Complex Trauma and vocation themes, and offer detailed information about how Complex Trauma creates dysfunction and offers tools for healing.
www.timfletcher.ca/engage
🎓 SEMINARS & WEBINARS Contact us to book a webinar or an in-person seminar with Tim Fletcher. Email: [e-mail]. Topics include: Trauma-Informed Care, Anger, Shame and Codependency.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
LICENSE
🎓 LIFT Online Learning is available for trainees or licensee hopefuls in order to best understand healing and provide successful peer-to-peer support. It is available from the comfort of your home. Find out more information here: www.timfletcher.ca/learn-online
🔍 PROGRAM LICENSING OPTIONS
- - - - - - - -
Individual, Not-for-Profit, Church, Private Practice, Prison, Youth Worker, Social Services Agency, Counsellor or Community Collaborative? We have easy-to-implement program options for you! Browse the options here (www.timfletcher.ca/license) or contact us today: [e-mail]
- - - - - - - - -
🌐 Go to timfletcher.ca to find out more.

[@victoriamacgregor9280]

Was kicked out of my parents house at age 16 by narcissistic parents and have a ton of abandonment issues. I am a teacher now and my life is about taking care of my students. All of this is very true for me.

[@oliviaperryman8622]

Well done on breaking your family cycle

[@hugmc]

Good but don’t forget about your self either

[@tammysims8716]

God bless you. Prayers. I hope you have good friends or good church family to support you.

[@steevo8754]

Are you nurturing yourself? I was kicked out at 16 also and I am a major people pleaser and caretaker. I often and constantly have to step back and care for myself or I lose myself

[@mariemonn8912]

Me too.. 16… get out.. not responsible for me anymore… and I’ve had all that caretaking crap and I do not do that anymore. I really do try to take care of myself since I have cause so much suffering for, “me,”…..that being said, I also see the deepest wound in my heart is not knowing what’s it’s like to have unconditional love and emotional connection to family. I don’t hold grudges because I understand the human conditioning, and I understand the forgiveness to give to my parents from the sinful nature being passed on generation after generation. At the same time I’m still in this human realm existing, and that brokenness from not being unconditionally loved ..from not being unconditionally accepted, not connected with a mother and the father on a level on emotional intimacy connection has a spot in the heart of sadness…Because once I really realized how loving we are to be to each other then I discover it wasn’t abandonment ..it was a deep wounding of not having unconditional love from another human, and I know that’s meant for every one of us. Yet humans can’t give each other the love that they were meant to give each other because of the brokenness and even if you think you are giving the love, the unconditional love, I would call yourself out … because we have all been conditioned with the worldly love, and that is just not the same as a holy spirit love …We all matter regardless what happen in our childhood. Jesus has renewed my heartmind.

[@ybois3]

This is golden 🥇 praying for 7 billion views because everyone on this earth need to hear this

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Agree!

[@jamiechristoffersen1879]

Amen ❤😊

[@Monalisa0622]

In agreement

[@milliewoo337]

AMEN!!

[@DinaTous]

I said the same thing!

[@velvetbees]

Some parents are emotionally immature people. So they are also emotionally immature parents too. . They can be shockingly detached from their kids emotional realities. Therefore, kids must not whine or complain. It messes up an emotionally immature parent's day. What a terrible thing for children to go through.

[@lisalambert81865]

I was an emotionally stunted parent and person because of all the trauma in my life at 12 specifically (I just learned) so I was stuck there and also emotionally closed off because of trauma throughout my life and I couldn’t be there for my children emotionally. So from a parent and a child that was emotionally neglected, I’m sorry that we can figure all of this out before we have children and pass it on to the. I have been on a healing journey since 2013 and am still discovering things I need to address and heal. We who have had it done to us, we can heal it and love ourselves and heal, if we truly want to.

[@johnjones9886]

His, lectures need to be played in prisons to help people in jail, just to be able to explain this let alone understand it shows how brilliant he is

[@fatimayahia3522]

Yes u're right

[@tishainess9339]

Omg that would be amazing and much needed

[@DrErnieGibson]

Agree!

[@user-tz8qf7mh8n]

This lecture is so on point, it’s unbelievable. How he knows so deeply and extensively without having gone through severe trauma himself, is amazing. Opened up the world that is inside me as well as my ‘ closed off’ and abusive spouse. Would have never known what the thought processes are weren’t it for this lecture; the obvious symptoms on the outside are the only observable things and they too are exactly as he describes. His talk is accusatory to neither the victim nor the abuser; was a pleasure and healing to listen to .

[@rubberbiscuit99]

My unconscious beliefs were that anyone who really knew me would leave me, and I had to do things that others wanted in order to get "love". What a mess I made of my life with these beliefs! Unlearning this garbage has been good for me.

[@beloveddaughter6714]

Me too. You are not alone 😊

[@WorkerBeesUnite]

It’s so crazy switching over from wanting them to like you so badly and just being yourself. I hope I can keep up the new habits

[@scottytv1]

Mr. Tim is a genius as far as I am concerned. Thank you for this extremely informative and helpful talk. I wish I would have been in therapy with you and not wasted so years with other therapists. I learned more in 40 minutes than the last 50 years of therapy. God bless you sir and God bless everyone who gets this...

[@mknels1299]

We're all kindasad we didn't get his help years ago right?

[@codyreynolds7819]

I’ve been listening daily for the last 2 or so months. The content seems to make so much sense despite being new to me. Though I like to think I’m past the honeymoon phase, I can’t ignore that I don’t have enough psychiatric/psychological knowledge to assess this on an academic level. Even still, it feels good-soothing really-to listen to him talk. Science can’t take that away, and so I can say with certainty that I gain value from this man!

[@KatWoodland]

@@mknels1299Yes, but better late than never!

[@timmywitty1432]

You are a phenomenal teacher, l can’t thank you enough for your teachings and with such compassion.

[@visualjottings5626]

It must be heart breaking, but you aren't alone 😊

[@sarafantaye9591]

Mr. Fletcher, I hope this message is delivered to you. Please accept my deepest thanks and my sincere appreciation for what you are doing !!!

[@launacasey6513]

Ah, the painful truth. One of the hardest things to come to terms with is acknowledging your own value and worth. Your brain is literally wired to believe the opposite so it's a nasty battle of providing evidence that you have worth. You have to find a way to stay a step or two ahead of your inner critic. It can be so exhausting but it's definitely worth the fight.

[@JC-du6sn]

Look up the autobiography Within Heaven's Gates by Rebecca Springer 😇

[@gerovyking2782]

Does it get better?

[@cristiancapovilla7142]

@@gerovyking2782 for sure, but you need professional help and being honest with yourself

[@lulalane1345]

I'm just coming to the realization that fear has major control over me. Lots of trauma , physical and verbal abuse. Thanks for validating what I've been feeling all of my life. You're a God send.

[@angelag2662]

Yup this is me. My mom told me in my early teens she was going to give me up for adoption. That she had the papers ready, but when she held me she couldn't. That messed me up big time. Knowing you were about to be thrown away. Then grow up in an abusive home. Awesome. My siblings fron another marriage called me half breed. Yeah i get abandonment issues. This is so helpful. Thank you.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

❤❤❤wishing you happiness and peace

[@user-gk5wo4ns1d]

wow. My mom told me around age 5 not only that I was unplanned - she already had two - and that she lost her deposit on a cherry wood dining table set because of my birth. She related this with such disappointment that I felt she'd have preferred the furniture. That statement about holding you is a profound admission of her mistake and of her love for you. It's also damn poor timing.

[@aLightShines]

❤️❤️❤️🙏☝️

[@kurt6410]

This fits me perfectly. I've lived my entire life in fear. And when I meet a new person today if I just get the slightest hint of rejection from them I reject them first that way I don't have to deal with the pain of being rejected. But as I grow older my biggest fear is that I'm going to be rejected by God. Even though I believe in God and I pray and try to do right I don't believe that God loves me. It terrifies me to death that I'm going to stand in front of God and hear him say I never knew you

[@ruthallen3774]

I was a home missionary’s kid in the U.S. and am still dealing with C-PTSD and religious trauma. I dealt with night terrors and insomnia for most of my life from being paddled by the principal, the authority “placed there by God” in Christian school for not being able to fall asleep fast enough on command during nap time. It was just a few months ago that I stopped hearing an angry man yelling in my head for “not taking responsibility” and that I “deserved to be punished” when I was struggling with how to go about something. Now, I work customer service and struggle every time I see a parent hitting or threatening their kids and am not allowed to do anything to stop them. The works of such people as Bradley Jursak, Thomas Keating, Paul Young, and Richard Rohr, and many others have helped me deconstruct harmful ideas and move into what a loving God and a relationship with them can be like. Paul Young’s “The Shack” is also helping me forgive people that hurt me. I see you. I hear you. We are in this together. And you are loved. *Edit: Added “We are in this together” and that is important to remember.

[@ingerlodberg1335]

Kurt, I recognize your fear how you describe it. As an adult, 62 years old, I have finally come to feel a peace I couldn't have imagined earlier. I am so grateful. The reason is mostly that I have listened to a lot of talks on youtube with Richard Rohr, Henri Nouwen, James Finley and read their books and that I have signed up for a daily newsletter from The Center for Action and Contemplation which I recieve every morning in e-mail. I wish you peace and every good.

[@davidcrawford9026]

There is no god, hope you're not banking on that existing because you've wasted your life if you have

[@LR-yu3mx]

The same with me.

[@LR-yu3mx]

When I go through trauma, I get night terrors and panic attacks early in the morning I realise fear is at the base of it.

[@iamwabisabi3711]

Riddled in fear since 4 years old when I watched my parents beat the shit out of each other. Then my mother emotionally detached. I was completely alone. This is so very true.

[@roxyrhodes3035]

I saw a mother dragging her crying 7 year old daughter by her ear around target scolding her and publically humiliating her inside of a Target and I almost lost it. I felt like I would have been escorted out by security if I tried to intervene with a total stranger's "parenting" but it made my blood boil over and I felt totally helpless that everyone in the store would probably just tale the abusive mother's side and cast judgement on me for trying to meddle in someone else's business that "shouldn't not concern me". That's how abusers get away with abusing in broad daylight. Under the guise of, "I'm doing what's best for my child so butt out!"

[@madelinemaize1426]

I knew at 8 years old that I was on my own, and not to count on anyone but myself.

[@shaeholden1743]

I tried listening to this a few weeks ago and could not do it; I wasn't ready yet. I'm being treated for CPTSD due to narcissistic abuse throughout 24-year "marriage." Fear has always dominated my life and I am finally coming to grips with where it's rooted from, including my father leaving the home when I was a young child. Your wisdom is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[@ms.suzylee2932]

Tim's work is a blessing for the many!

[@flosotall3041]

Wow..this sums up my life. Even after 2 years of therapy. I still feel like like something is not right. You hit the nail on the head. Thank you for enlightening me. now I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I really appreciate you. Thank you so much

[@echofoxtrot2.051]

I just finished 5 years of therapy and it's still not right. I don't think we can ever get back fully

[@BigPubez69]

I imagine you both could also seek out a new therapist if you feel you've hit a wall. I know, easier said than done

[@rubberbiscuit99]

There are a lot of layers to heal when you have childhood trauma.

[@awaywithfairies4689]

THIS man saves lives. I can't thank you enough sir. God bless you ❤

[@kristenmerrill-nl2dh]

So grateful for your videos and the gift of “You” that you are sharing with the world. Your understanding of trauma is refreshing

[@debbietodd8547]

I've lived with fear for as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed with acute anxiety many years ago and that has been accompanied by depression in recent years. Dad was an alcoholic, Mom was emotionally disconnected. I'm so afraid of failure that it often keeps me from even beginning. 95% of what you alluded to applies to me. I have always felt like a 5 yr. old trying to function in the role of an adult in an adult body. I believed my anxiety/panic disorder was genetic and the rest, well....I have always wondered what is wrong with me. I have never had much support, just soldier on.....Thankyou for this series........

[@mariodebenedetti9276]

the hard part is seeing it, deep inside you, that hoplesness, always on your shoulder, rooted in your heart, we are just broken human beigns, thats it

[@yvonnes7412]

Absolutely relate to crying to commercials, or a funny video, or other stuff where there is no apparent reason but I just get a well of emotion coming up… it’s like the joy or beauty hits me and somehow opens a pocket of pain/fear

[@rabbitcreative]

1:54 That phrase. I express myself genuinely, stating it in the first-person-perspective ("I feel..."), and I'm told, "Get over yourself.". And she wonders why I don't talk to her more than I do.

[@SamStone1964]

Get away, when you can.

[@cameron3869]

I feel like my fear has only started to reveal itself, even though I’ve been terrified my whole life. It’s hard to notice you’re avoiding stuff because avoidance is usually not doing opposed to doing.

[@PrincessCadancee]

Same

[@joseph8468]

I'm so grateful for the work of Tim Fletcher (& his team). You have benefited my life profoundly. Thank you.

[@leahflower9924]

Fear and shame sometimes are the only things getting me out of bed so it's a motivator but leads to no authentic living

[@Journey_777ev]

I am so grateful that the Divine has always been by my side. I felt disappointed in my family but just knew in my heart that they were incapable of true relationships. I always felt comfortable spending time with my heavenly Father and my guardian angels 😇 ❤️. Thank you for your compassionate lecture on such tragic historical issues of our society. What a blessing you are! Great job!

[@TheBillaro]

this is so so enlightening. tim your videos are changing my life. i've lived with this anger since i was 3 and finally at 48 i'm starting to understand the mechanism.

[@rosaferreira7946]

fear has ruined my life and has controlled my life in all aspects of my life. Thank u for all that u do. Life changing 😢

[@mariemonn8912]

In my experience the fear in the body has a mind of its own..90 second rule takes training….to calm down the physiology….. since it started as a child and into adulthood… one must be present and anchored in the breath ..anchored in the body to even have a chance to watch that thought, and the sensation that will rise.. in the body. We have 90 seconds to switch the channel and it takes training yet it can be done. I don’t believe the fear created in childhood and even into adulthood ever completely goes away. I’d believe the awareness, the attention ..being the guardian of your inner space, is what helps to stop the alarms running in emergency mode….and the education about the brain and body..understanding the trauma brain, the development of the trauma brain….critical to educate oneself to heal and live a different life.

[@cassaundrasmithcasey8954]

Amazing insight! ❤

[@jennyferguson5583]

God has Shown me Daily- I ❤️you! God Loves me And I can Trust Him! Prayers for That Revelation! Perfect Love Casts out Fear!

[@LR-yu3mx]

Definitely! God is my only hope,I pray to Him through Christ, through Him we can talk to the Father! I saw miracles in my life.

[@reflax6009]

Yes we are not alone but adopted

[@LisaJoyes-gw9iu]

Ohhh Amen and Amen!!! For I shall never leave you nor forsake you 💕🙏💕

[@nannue]

You know what, since I followed Mr Tim, I came through with my shame, guilt and just recently, fear and here I am… getting to befriend with my beloved fear and how I call them out is to say thing like, false evidence appearing real. Thanks Tim

[@PatriceVC31]

I’m at a loss for any hope right now, I want to love others desperately, but what to do when they won’t let me do that? I fear rejection, abandonment and loneliness. I had true love and lost it due to our combined fears. If only we had talked, in depth, about our fears, we might not be in separation. The grief and loss I feel, feels insurmountable. Like I may never fully recover, like they say I won’t. They say grief can last a lifetime, it just subtly fades day by day, but the loss remains forever. I feel so lost, it feels pathetic and I feel ashamed to feel so lost. I do feel alone, scared and abandoned. I feel incredibly isolated, like I don’t know how to be a person in society. Not necessarily because of the failed relationship, but because of the connection we shared. I fear I may never acquire that sort of connection again. It can feel so impossible to extract and nurture vulnerability with someone new, it feels like no one is willing to be truly vulnerable. I feel disconnected from real life. Like I’ve been ruined by knowing true love, like I can’t possibly know how to be a normal person moving through life without the warm presence of that love. I hope he can heal, and that I can fully release him. To detach is a skill I’m lacking right now. I don’t know how to possibly detach without feeling like I might drown. I know that I won’t, but knowing doesn’t negate feeling, unfortunately. I wish he knew that I love him more than anything, and that I forgive him for hurting me, and that I want to move past this, together.

[@PatriceVC31]

Having hope feels so impossible.

[@andreawimer4334]

Why dont you tell him exactly as you told us. Blessings🙏

[@marylindsay7653]

In un

[@stevengreenberg2610]

This is amazing! Finally, I know what’s wrong with me, and that there is a solution. Fit like a glove. Thank you Tim.

[@eem980]

Thanks so much for all your insight! I do miss the biblical part you used to show at the end tho.. they added another, poetic dimension to the information you present. ❤

[@joseph8468]

Me too.

[@beloveddaughter6714]

Check spiritual bypassing series

[@bradschrock3163]

Me too. I love it because it adds so much dimension to whatever passage he uses

[@jenrich111]

❤Awesome Detroit river. Thanks for sharing my friend. Love your work and commitment in helping hurt people understanding themselves and the ability to develop freedom from it ❤

[@lisapetruccimusic964]

Q++q

[@insanebrain213]

You know me so well. I want to share something, might help someone out. I found a really really great tool that works. I was stuck in the limbic brain, the melange of horror, and it seemed like nothing but doom ahead etc etc. Well, i done the wim hof breathing exercise 3 times in a row, and it almost immediately put me back into my cortex. I done it the next day too and same miracle. I felt some trauma and tension leave my shoulders. Give it a go. I've been doing it on and off for awhile - the 11 min video on yt - but this was the first time i done it 3 times in a row.

[@dancingram79]

I was writting about my day and my latest discoveries about myself. I found I have so many fears. I thought, ok... Now I know... Work in progress. I did not seek this video. I was looking a funny videos and this pops up! Mindblown! Thank you for sharing this goldmine. ❤❤❤

[@JAFOOSA]

This video brings up a lot for me. Virtually everything Tim talked about described my behavior and thoughts with every romantic relationship I've had. Which are few, for my reasons explained in the video. I screwed up so many times in my past, and this video helped give me a better understanding. I miss my ex and constantly get angry at myself for causing the split. I wanna get myself sorted out so I stop hurting myself and others. Thank you Tim Fletcher for creating your content!

[@jeneannebrown1944]

You are the best! You have brought so much awareness to why I have lived in fear my whole life!

[@user-zf5ue6zq2p]

I'm sick of living in my trauma but it's my default mode, moving forward is like stepping on nails to jump in a cold shower to put out the fire on my head.... and that's just getting a decent job I won't have to work countless hours to support my self with

[@nls4ever99]

I love tim i play his channel every single night, i love his layout with the slideshow, and the fact he has knowledge of both worlds: religion and medical. Much love from canada. I was diasgnosed with crippling ocd that started 2 months doing much better now thanks to meds and lots of praying.

[@LolaAileenVanslette]

Wow, I've been alone all my life. First by being neglected, then from being abused, then being disowned and disassociation from my religious congregation. Therefore, I have been feeling alone all my life, which left me in fear forever. Btw, it's bad for your heart to live fearfully and alone.

[@HappyHermitt]

Trauma changed my life. 180 drgrees. It also evoked a spiritual awakening. In a weird way, Im grateful for what happened to me. Not meaning the pain and health issues.

[@jennypitts8465]

Thank you for this 🙏🏼🤍 I am starting to feel the same way. The trauma - spirituality link is fascinating to me.

[@dustin1722]

True story

[@leahflower9924]

Trauma can make you seek enlightenment and seek self awareness which is always good but I also believe that ignorance is bliss

[@lindamoses3697]

It does make a person call upon God and draw close to Him. He understands and Jesus suffered for all our injuries as well as our sins. He went deeper than we have in order to lift us. May He ever be my friend and Redeemer.

[@CalleyWalsh]

I am 66, had depression and anxiety for over50 years. I never knew until a few months ago that I had cptsd. However I did know I lived in fear my whole life. This is my second video of yours I have watched. For the second time in my life I am heading A TRUTH. Thank You. I wish you were in the UK.

[@MrEd-qc7vr]

My dad was told to fear failure, and be successful . He taught me to fear failure too, but he forgot the part in which I was supposed to be successful and now I struggle with Impostor Syndrom

[@heatheregger8808]

Hit the nail on the head. Wow. I hope to lose the fear someday

[@sunrayrosin7181]

My parents handed me to people that raped me when I was as young as 3. I was called a liar and the boy who cried wolf. I was also told that I ate too much and that I was going to work in a sewer when I was to become an adult. I was also told I was going to be “sold to the gypsies” . I was put into the custody of the State at the age of 15 by my parents. I’m now 54 and l was told to not come to my mother’s funeral. And I was hospitalized last year due to getting hit by a truck and my father called me at the hospital and told me to never contact him again and this was my funeral. I’m a extreamly strong person and I must stay strong so my own children are raised to be aware and have tools I never had. That being said, I opened up more on this thread than I would do with other people. No way I’m letting anyone near me close enough to hurt me again. I got me and I need to work at being on time and getting shit done.

[@vawor4471]

Sorry about this experience.

[@linda7279]

Narcissist/Phycopath husband caused me this from all 4 my children, and the true fact that I was the one always there for them, seems to have not been noticed. Never mock true faith because God's word has kept me when abandoned and erassed by everyone.....🙏 Even though they have all told me Im of no value, I know my value because of God and one day, "They will know the truth and the truth will set them free"....🙏🕊💗

[@kimberlykuhn4724]

Thank you so much. I started getting help about 5 yrs ago. CBT therapy & counseling. Your videos 'have really helped me. I'm constantly working on changing my thinking patterns. I've made a lot of progress. I'm so glad I stumbled across your content.

[@doriannemosich232]

LOL still as a very broken, but functional person, I am getting much better because of you Dr.Tim, thank you! hugs God sent & Bless everyone.

[@nancychandler768]

The fear is very real. 😢

[@stylist62]

You are 100% correct, a part of me is not afraid, also hurt, but my body mind emotions are Having the ones who should love you most treat you evil is beyond comprehension painful. You are afraid to talk be yourself, walking on eggshells, the manipulation chaos cheating, did not feel safe with my husband, his slander and choice of friends. Nobody is bigger then my God He heals the. Broken hearted Yes you are absolutely right, even when you do good they turn it into evil,

[@kevinjanghj]

I was abused by narcissists in my 20s and 30s, including a friend and romantic date, and the latter especially led to me developing a fear of what these people would do to me or the things I enjoyed in my life, via conscious malignant sabotage. It was one of the few things I still have to work through with a psychologist in EMDR therapy.

[@mariemonn8912]

Me too.. 16… get out.. not responsible for me anymore… and I’ve had all that caretaking crap and I do not do that anymore. I really do try to take care of myself since I have cause so much suffering for, “me,”…..that being said, I also see the deepest wound in my heart is not knowing what’s it’s like to have unconditional love and emotional connection to family. I don’t hold grudges because I understand the human conditioning, and I understand the forgiveness to allow my parents from the sinful nature being passed on generation after generation. At the same time I’m still in this human realm existing, and that brokenness from not being unconditionally loved ..from not being unconditionally accepted, not connected with a mother and the father on a level on emotional intimacy connection has a spot in the heart of sadness…Because once I really realized how loving we are to be to each other then I discover it wasn’t abandonment ..it was a deep wounding of not having unconditional love from another human, and I know that’s meant for every one of us. Yet humans can’t give each other the love that they were meant to give each other because of the brokenness and even if you think you are giving the love, the unconditional love, I would call yourself out … because we have all been conditioned with the worldly love, and that is just not the same as a holy spirit love …We all matter regardless what happen in our childhood. Jesus has renewed my heartmind.

[@madelenewhite1576]

My pastor says because I'm a new creation, stop being anxious. Live like you're in victory

[@Wearethechamps]

Easy said than done. That's why church wasn't for me as this statement doesn't acknowledge the trauma mistreatment of another just dismissed emotions...the god of my understanding cares more greatly about what other humans have caused me than any pastor can ever get as they are merely human too. Self work, inner self discovery around trauma, narcissist abuse, codependency, meditations, affirmations, prayer nature are tools that have helped heal some wounds, change my perceptions,behaviours and allowed me to forgive and stay in a good energetic space even when life gets difficult. Be careful of what others advise...do your own you tube mentor search on those who have come through the same abuse. Alot of church goers haven't. These my own views no right or wrong here just my own experience..

[@torivillar6263]

This is very insightful. It demonstrates how a learning difference - dyslexia, afasia, DLD... - is a serious ACE. The child has no caring adult to turn to, unless they have been especifically trained and most are not, during the whole of the school day, every day of their school life. Parents are generally powerless against these forces. Over 50% of adult male population in Western countries are undiagnosed dyslexics. It is not dyslexia, it is the trauma and subsequent school exclusion through inapropriate assessment and grading. Terribly sad. Heartbreaking.

[@georgemooyman7155]

Many of us have had the fear of war come upon us. Certain most of our parents and grandparents have.

[@andreawimer4334]

Fear of commie takeover of the west. The revolution is happening right now.😣

[@kathyadair8552]

As if we don't have enough problems. Thanks a lot! LoL But, it feels hopeless and insurmountable. With or without it.

[@marialoring7623]

This hit home, I’ve been searching for what is triggering me and finally I got my answer, Ty! God bless you!

[@mariodebenedetti9276]

im so broken man, im tired of fighting this battle, this amazing guy just show me the huuge wall i cant climb, now i understand, i cant make it

[@aLightShines]

❤❤❤❤

[@user-fm2iw3um3u]

Of course you can silly

[@reflax6009]

That’s why I don’t want to even try to connect to my close family as only I felt is shaming;passive aggressiveness and feeling like I’m not part of family; I can’t make mistake while they are not perfect- I’m tired of how it is twisted when they are good if not they will play victim and make you look bad I don’t know if it’s trauma or my past experiences when I have no trust and lack of safety feeling

[@dakine4238]

These videos are helpful. I really wish I could find a counselor ike this. Been in therapy almost 10 years.

[@flutrazymi2572]

Thank you so much 🙏❤

[@Iluvrocket]

My parents, both of them, would push me into a corner and bully me until I cried. Then it seemed like they were “satisfied,” and backed off. The more I resisted and remained calm and rational, the louder and meaner they got. The put on such an expert facade to the people outside the house, I’m so scared that no one will believe me. And in fact, there have even been therapists who have asked me, “did you ever stop to think your mother loves you?” People think that the position of mother is untouchable and sacred. I’m not the problem, but it doesn’t matter if everyone sides with the parent. I stated my needs clearly, “I want you to stop bullying and discouraging me, and start encouraging me.” My mother said, “I can’t.” She’d go into “fugue” states where she’d chase me and shame me, I told her to stop but it was like she couldn’t hear me. My fear is that she’ll come after me, and no one will believe me.

[@LR-yu3mx]

Many thanks, Tim , your channel, listening to you, opens a whole world of understanding myself!

[@SandrinaN]

A different form of trauma that i have experienced life long is involving my health. Much of it was dealing with unpredictable and abnormal health issues. It has been very difficult as it continually has effected my outward appearance as well as my physical health. I have a lot of fear around the inability to control what will happen next and being embarrassed by my appearance. It’s very stressful. Coping day to day to day is extraordinary stressful . My loved ones cannot solve it.

[@StaciRouth]

All the above. Every box! What a wealth of info. Thank you.

[@carolwebster6585]

I’m in Windsor, great setting! I discovered your channel today, and I’m really glad I did.

[@sue5158]

I definitely know I have fear. Forever. Thanks for this.

[@williamschoner9979]

Thank you for your service and breaking this down. This is me childhood abuse &trauma. Fear.

[@MypronounIsKing]

Tim I’m extremely thankful for your videos. Watching them can frankly be painful but I’m here to Learn. God bless you boss man

[@Kim-wt2gl]

Hi Tim Fletcher, Love your Videos. Thank You.

[@isaeasybusy2023]

Thank you for all the gifts you give people and sharing your knowledge so clearly and speaking amazingly so well about CPTSD. Thank you 🙏

[@lindagerrity3102]

This is it! I have this problem! Thank you. You are Godsent for me.

[@pamelacotte]

Thank you so much Tim. These talks have been VERY validating and supportive for me during a very difficult period. Your work and understanding embodies love and give me hope

[@RegenerateYourLife]

Excellent! Thank you! 🙏🏼

[@branchestarot]

Thank you for this lecture. I’m going to use it for my CrJ class. I’ll be working with foster childrennthis year and this helps teach patience.

[@CuddleClaw.]

The first time I watched this, it plummeted me into an emotional panicky crisis. I’m listening for a second time and taking notes this time. Thank you for your lectures.

[@joostvanherpen3138]

this is incredibly valuable

[@FlBeachGirl34]

That was wonderful, Thank you tim

[@pizzazombie7373]

Thank you so much for this!!!❤️💪🏼

[@robertdamphousse1351]

Great vid and great work tim. Ty

[@marencalma13]

I kept my hope, and my efforts to gain my momonster's love and respect till the moment she told me she didn't love me. She cured my fawning-people-pleasing disorder immediately and forever. No more hope. No more efforts. What a waste of time, life. I have never felt more hurt and more free at the same time. Focusing in me instead of her, making my needs and me first, not her. Loving myself, instead of trying to make her love me. I wish I'd never met her.

[@juliaoconnor5688]

If you hadn't met her you may not of started the journey of loving yourself.

[@marencalma13]

@@juliaoconnor5688 if I hadn't met her I would've loved myself right from the beginning, no need for "learn-how-to-unhate-yourself-and-how-to-love-yourself-again-journeys". You are either dumb or maquiavellian. I feel sorry for you.

[@josephinemckernan3376]

this is exactly my storey / behaviour , iv listened to blogs , 12 step programme reading self help , trying to break this

[@crystald3346]

God bless you!

[@sanddollar252]

I think the fear of success can also come from being repeatedly punished for being really good at something. I’m 64 and all my life I’ve had a terrible fear of being seen as beautiful, smart, talented, creative etc because in my youth I was always punished and ridiculed for my looks, talents, intelligence, creative ideas, you name it. I was paralyzed with the fear of success in absolutely everything: a battle that has been difficult and ongoing throughout my entire life.

[@jeankipper6954]

This work is so accurate. I'm sure everyone's specific details, their stories, are so different. Not all of what you say applies. But enough does, that listening is often difficult. I have to stop, come back later to hear more. I am working with a very skilled therapist. He's helping a lot. But with a very traumatic childhood with two raging narcissistic parents, themselves badly damaged, and a very difficult career and apparently quite natural relationship difficulties, well to call this a difficult lifetime is such an understatement. One thing I'm so glad of, is being older now. That no matter how much longer it will be, surely it will not be very much longer.

[@marcoguerrera8051]

Thank you. Great talk.

[@comnandmentsdeadlysins]

If only 30 years ago such true knowledge was as available like today. No worries there are generations to come to teach from experience.

[@tamiesmith8855]

I love you so much Tim you freed me today!

[@TheAbergel]

Helpful, I like the way you kept it practical and relatable thank you.

[@dianeorr8937]

A blessing from you! Healing healthy!

[@user-zd8vp6pt8e]

I had no one to run too. No one to connect with. It was a horrible childhood. These videos are amazing.

[@lumikkihusu7259]

Thank you SO much for this. I will have to listen to the other episodes as well, now. I ended up writing down the list of fears and colour coding them according to how strongly I feel they apply to me. This was very informative. Including spotting the ones I have so much NOT a problem with that I'm likely to be overcompensating something.

[@MsGabiele]

Great content❤

[@gameaudioshaman]

This lectures are so practical.

[@Rose_Ou]

Fear, anxiety and 24/7 hypervigillance is what is destroying me little by little. When I was 30+ I still had strong coping mechanisms but right now at 48 I'm exhausted, I don't recognize myself anymore and I don't know how to go on. I have to move abroad and start my life from scratch (literally from zero) next year and that inevitability has activated all the syptoms I was able to cope with before. I feel unemployable, useless, I don't know why I should even bother pushing forward. My son graduates high school next year and starts university and since there is no work for me in this God forsaken country of mine I have to emigrate and I'm terrified. I'm based in Europe where we're on the verge of WW3 so I guess the political situation makes everything even worse. I'm living in hell of CPTSD and PTSD combined.

[@CM-uo5tq]

Thanks Tim

[@siana7152]

veryhelpful; thankyou. ❤

[@morganabartlett5347]

The problem is when you feel fear and you keep running towards people who are stronger and can protect you.... however they are just as bad as the ones your running from....I have learnt to stay away from people....that's life...

[@lsr69wontquit64]

Boy, is this hitting home I’m going through this now at 72. I can’t even believe it. I pushed it down for so many years! Now I don’t even want to go outside!