Tips For Share-House Living (Aspergers, Autism and Independence) | Patrons Choice

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Autism From The Inside

Autism From The Inside

Күн бұрын

Пікірлер: 80
@aprila8762
@aprila8762 5 жыл бұрын
I live with two housemates, one of whom has Aspergers. I do find it very difficult to talk to him because he is only really interested in a couple of topics, both of which bore me to death, but I make a big effort to engage him in those topics as much as possible. I even google info about his interests to allow me to have better conversations with him. As soon as I talk about anything that interests me though, he literally just walks away. I used to think this was unbelievably rude but now, knowing more about aspergers, it makes me laugh. I’m just that dull hey... Your channel has helped a lot with understanding that he hasn’t got any malicious intent and has saved us from a lot of potential misunderstandings. Thanks for being candid and sharing your experiences and insights, I’m much more aware now.
@lckitty212
@lckitty212 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you for taking the time and caring enough about somebody that is "just a roommate" to learn more about them and become a true friend - whether he realizes it or not lol- it's rough out there and if he hasn't yet I hope he does see it keeps in touch, I can't even get my own husband to do as much as you have xoxo
@jackthefanguy4897
@jackthefanguy4897 3 жыл бұрын
What is he interested in? Just curious
@aprila8762
@aprila8762 3 жыл бұрын
@@jackthefanguy4897 Hey! His main interest is trains, specifically steam engines. He builds models of them etc. I actually caught myself going to a rail museum while on holiday a few weeks ago, so he's rubbed of on me a bit haha!
@jackthefanguy4897
@jackthefanguy4897 3 жыл бұрын
@@aprila8762 trains are a popular subject at our house too. And fans (hence the username) I try to find ways to spice up the repetitive train or fan convo. by doing my own research. Actually trains are pretty interesting lol. Next week we’re going on a day long train ride in Atlanta. Great views and there is a little bar on the train. So fun for everyone, even the non-train phonetics in the group. You’re at the top for being understanding and open with your roommate. It says a lot about you as a person. They must appreciate it, even though they probably never say so.
@aprila8762
@aprila8762 3 жыл бұрын
@@jackthefanguy4897 Thank you, I try!Agreed, trains are appealing even for those of us not quite as invested in them haha. Sounds like it will be a fun trip! How sweet, being interested in fans is the most wholesome thing ever! I might try to look up at them more often. It’s nice to have things pointed out to you that you’d never normally notice.
@JAMQWERT
@JAMQWERT 5 жыл бұрын
I have also found earplugs (I use noise-cancelling headphones) are also a handy item to give you a bit of "space" when you are not home alone. I find letting people know I wear headphones to give me a bit of "quiet" means they won't take it the wrong way, but respect that I need quiet moments. I know it is a bit much to expect your roommates to be quiet always for your own benefit so the noise-cancelling headphones are a good compromise.
@JAMQWERT
@JAMQWERT 5 жыл бұрын
I've found that in the initial meeting of a flat mate (because people inherently like talking more about themselves more than listening to a concern of yours) ask them to reveal THEIR "pet peeves" or dislikes in a fellow room mate. That allows them to tell you what they dislike first and then when you respond, you can tell them yours and they will be more likely to listen to you, and you can make a judgement call on whether they would be a good fit based on their input and their reactions to your needs. I've also found finding out people's work schedules straight up, will allow you to consider if it gives you space you need. With one of my worst experiences I had very kind but very messy roommates, who would use all the dishes and not clean them and also eat my food when they hadn't bothered to get their own groceries. This was very difficult for me as I am always prepared ahead of time because I can't think about getting food at the shops after work (I am so burned out by people interactions all day) so when they took my food, I would just have to go without eating until I recharged. I confronted them as directly as possible saying why it wasn't acceptable for me and they said it wouldn't happen again, but it did, several times. I eventually bought a single set of cutlery, a bowl, a mug, a plate and a large deep frying pan that I kept clean and ready in my own bedroom for my own use every day along with a shelf full of food I bought and a little fridge for a few cold items in my room. They kept the kitchen a mess and I only cleaned the items I used and put back in my room. I eventually had to leave when they started letting their friends use my bedroom, my one and only space when I wasn't home. I need boundaries and my personal space was the last straw.
@autismfromtheInside
@autismfromtheInside 5 жыл бұрын
Great tip!
@anascarlet
@anascarlet 5 жыл бұрын
Those roommates sound very disrespectful
@JAMQWERT
@JAMQWERT 5 жыл бұрын
@@anascarlet they were definitely disrespectful, but it wasn't malicious, they really didn't think they were doing anything wrong, they were just quite immature/young and didn't think about how their behaviour might affect me in the house. Even when reminded. They had no idea of boundaries in what they thought was appropriate for others, as they didn't apply those boundaries to themselves either. They just needed to learn, but I couldn't cope with being the only adult and teacher in the house when I just needed responsible flatmates. People can be nice and a nightmare to live with, at the same time. I think it was just heightened torment with my Aspergers, as I need my personal space aka; my bedroom, and I wouldn't have moved in, if I'd known how "easy going" they were with my personal space. Live and learn.
@aspiewithattitude3213
@aspiewithattitude3213 5 жыл бұрын
I live alone and it's almost like paradise.
@emmaphilo4049
@emmaphilo4049 5 жыл бұрын
I can imagine.
@csdmlvjnfkvjdn
@csdmlvjnfkvjdn 4 жыл бұрын
It’s the best man. But I also believe the older you get you have to take chances. Because I feel the older I am getting the lonelier I feel and so I’m trying to talk more often and trying to build relations. It’s hard but we need to keep trying
@rc3151
@rc3151 4 жыл бұрын
I wish i could live alone. It is so nice but turns out (thanks to Paul for the realization and my now wife for rescuing me) that when I live alone I do not receive the cues to lead a healthy life. When you forget to eat for days or pay your bills or show up to... well everything mostly.
@AuraDawn_Health
@AuraDawn_Health 5 жыл бұрын
Oh how I wish I could go back to my single days in my own apartment. I LOVED living alone.
@csdmlvjnfkvjdn
@csdmlvjnfkvjdn 4 жыл бұрын
Living alone is fun but I also wish I could live with someone who understands aspie. I hope you best of luck in life
@janeann3331
@janeann3331 5 жыл бұрын
I wish I had this info during my college years.
@souvikkundu
@souvikkundu 3 жыл бұрын
While watching this video, I was recalling those horrible days when I used to live in a shared house/apartment. I was losing my mental sanity, felt so depressed and hopeless dealing with the noise and crap. I used to go to a cafe with my laptop to escape interacting with housemates because that place would offer me a peaceful corner with a cup of coffee, nobody would bother me, the cafe owner was happy to have me as a regular customer, it was heavenly. I love chilling alone. I do socialize if I'm comfortable around someone but not all the time.
@W0lfm0ther
@W0lfm0ther 2 жыл бұрын
My heart goes out to you. I’ve been dealing with the same thing rn 💞 hope you’re doing better mow
@pw510577w
@pw510577w 4 жыл бұрын
I have done both, shared my house for financial reasons, and lived alone. I prefer living alone. The first person I shared with was useless, never contributed, left the door unlocked and wide open, and had financial management issues. The second person was great, no financial management issues. The only problem was I treated them like a guest. I would dial it back a bit the next time, get the balance right. I don't generally feel comfortable being around people 24/7, there was work, then coming home to a house mate.
@PS-tl2cc
@PS-tl2cc 4 жыл бұрын
Hi, great video! I had to roll down because you have this amazing lion in the background and I all my attention was focused on the lion until I rolled down to the comments and listened to the video (I'm incredibly fascinated with wildlife, animals, nature and big and small cats especially) and I couldn't stop staring at the lion. Good video aswell of course. I hope this doesn't come of as offensive, if it does, this is not my intention. I just really liked that lion!
@Mraquanetchris
@Mraquanetchris 5 жыл бұрын
I'm lucky enough to live alone at the moment, but rent keeps going up. I'm considering roommates, but its scary. After a day of forced interaction at work, can't stand the idea of more people at home.
@jumpingjellyfishy
@jumpingjellyfishy 5 жыл бұрын
And moving to an area with lower rent usually equals lower employment prospects. It's very hard. This is one reason I am trying really hard to generate income thru online at home, i.e. can be done anywhere.
@csdmlvjnfkvjdn
@csdmlvjnfkvjdn 4 жыл бұрын
I tried living in a studio for couple of months made me calm but due to increase in rent had to share. Scared about future as I grow older that is if I can ever keep up. I hope everything works out for you
@SueLyons1
@SueLyons1 3 жыл бұрын
Yes. Home can be a place of refuge, a sanctuary.
@DaveTexas
@DaveTexas 3 жыл бұрын
I wish I had known this stuff back when I was getting ready to move in with the guy who is now my husband. I lived alone for the first decade after college, mainly because I need alone time about 90% of the time. The first two years of my relationship, I had my own apartment, and I’d see my boyfriend in the evenings but go home to sleep and then go about my day the next day. This worked great for me. When we moved in together, however, things were rough. I didn’t know I was on the spectrum and I didn’t know how to communicate my needs at all. I did try to explain that I needed alone time to "work" (I was self-employed and did a lot of work from home); but I just didn’t know how to communicate that I needed to not speak to anyone most of the time. What ended up developing over the years has been my very odd schedule. I stay up at night - all night. I can work then when I’m feeling up to it (I have a neurological disease that leaves me feeling unwell and in pain most days), but mainly I’m just alone. I sleep during the day while my husband is at work, so we only spend time together in the evenings. Even on weekends, I get the alone time I need. All of this developed without any knowledge that I was on the spectrum. Had I known I was on the spectrum 20+ years ago, I could have avoided a lot of the conflict that arose due to my need to be alone most of the time. At least I know now.
@WatchRipples
@WatchRipples 5 жыл бұрын
Love your videos! Re: disclosure in a roommate or even a new friend situation, I agree, I think people want to know as soon as possible about autism for various reasons, but sometimes, someone knowing about it doesn't help - it may actually make conflict resolution difficult. Roommates may mistakenly think that their rude behavior is only a problem because of another roommate's autism. Someone repeatedly (over 8 months) asked me to take off work to meet with them when their schedule allowed, and then canceled after I waited for them at the meeting place. This person thought there was only a problem because of autistic people being "inflexible" about scheduling changes. So it's good to be prepared in case disclosure produces unexpected outcomes. What this video suggests is best, in my opinion. I'm quite happy living with my spouse for a dozen years now. :) No more roommates!
@215Leanne
@215Leanne 5 жыл бұрын
I agree.
@QuiltingCrow
@QuiltingCrow 5 жыл бұрын
I found it very helpful to have an acoustic door for my room, to tell my flatmates in which time frames they can interact with me, where my section in the fridge is and that I hate people taking food from me without asking and that I live sticking to a strict time schedule. I share house with another guy with Asperger's and a neurotypical guy.
@jumpingjellyfishy
@jumpingjellyfishy 5 жыл бұрын
I also talk to myself A Lot which would definitely make sharing interesting, probably driving others up the wall. At least others would know what's on my mind tho. Imagine 3 or 4 people all talking to themselves.. sheesh.
@ronniepower1239
@ronniepower1239 5 жыл бұрын
Its cause you star focusing on your left brain hemisphere, which is language/speech. Since during the day you are functioning in society i.e reality you need to use our right brain hemisphere a lot, thus less speech because ur focusing on whatever you are. Come evening reality is hitting ya, and u feel u need to talk to keep u sane and focused.
@ronniepower1239
@ronniepower1239 5 жыл бұрын
Our Brains are slow to pick up information and slow to process. Like someone said they are not connected as much as Neurotypicals, so we have to take time processing things. Like something happens today it may take us a day or 2 to process that, because we would be evalauating what happened. Get me? I also think this has to be with brain hemispheres and our eye reflection like someone said. My right eye controls right side brain hemisphere and left eye the left, hence why Aspies eyes tend to have larger pupils or they are not level. Our face shapes are different too i.e 1 large or bigger then other, again this reflects the eyes. I think my left side is Species brain and right side Human, hence differences in brain connection and different thought process. Hence also logical and more visual, because when do use our brains we focus hard and be good at it. Whereas NTs have both brain hemispheres connected closely, then again what are NTs? their brain hemispheres are not also not same as each other NTs, this is due to different genetics of different humans historically. This is why multi-tasking is hard because 1 side of brain cannot process quickly to the other, hope u get me what am saying?
@el_2904
@el_2904 2 жыл бұрын
This was so helpful! I’m so nervous about moving out from my parent’s house, but this has given me a little more confidence about finding the right person or people to live with, thank you!
@learner2075
@learner2075 3 жыл бұрын
This helps a lot to be mindful to only give small pockets of information to those that can’t handle to much at once because i tend to go all in and share everything on my mind which is not conducive to others.
@babianpunktse
@babianpunktse 5 жыл бұрын
I’ve been living under different arrangements many times. For a couple of years I lived with five others in a house and I’ve also lived with just one other person in flats. What I think is super important is to have a common room and not rent that out as a bedroom, because it’s good to have a space besides the kitchen to hang out so you’re not in each others rooms when you hang out. Having a PlayStation or something with games you can play together can also help out just to get to know each other a little bit in a casual manner. My worst experience was living in a two room flat with a guy that just got together with his ex and they were always arguing during the night so it was hard to tell them to be quiet. I moved out after a couple of months.
@riveraalanis7958
@riveraalanis7958 3 жыл бұрын
This is such a great video, thank you. I don't have any diagnosis but am trying to find out why I'm struggling so much with life, why I haven't ever held a full time job, and why I feel I desperately need to live alone. It feels so familiar.
@MatthewC33199
@MatthewC33199 5 жыл бұрын
Thank you for these tips! I'm on the spectrum and might be living in a share house in the future, so this was helpful.
@aspieange33
@aspieange33 5 жыл бұрын
Hi Paul you are so very helpful, I will be passing this onto my son whom is 20 and just gone into a shared living home, and it's been really positive for him. Thanks.
@csdmlvjnfkvjdn
@csdmlvjnfkvjdn 4 жыл бұрын
AspieAnge no one has to go thru loneliness. I’m glad you understand asperger and are helping your son
@terriem3922
@terriem3922 2 жыл бұрын
Very good suggestions. I do much better house sharing, with somewhat empathic, sensitive housemates that I have something in common with (such as meditation). Compatible. I have a need for friendly social interaction a couple of hours a day, and also a need to be alone for a couple of hours a day. In the past, I needed a weekly task list and shopping list from roommates, with scheduled shower times. I didn't have those, and was very likely annoying my housemates with my very ADD brain.
@ang3lod3ath99
@ang3lod3ath99 3 жыл бұрын
super helpful thank you!
@ginastotallybodaciousunive2375
@ginastotallybodaciousunive2375 5 жыл бұрын
I'm autistic and I eventually would like a boyfriend. I will definitely need to put in alone time but also together time. I will probably want to have my own room for alone time. Men have what they call a man cave I guess i will have a woman cave lol. I'm not in any hurry, the idea of living with someone kind of scares me but i suppose if I'm really comfortable with that person that i will feel a lot better about the idea. Lol
@rc3151
@rc3151 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you
@tammylutz7877
@tammylutz7877 5 жыл бұрын
Perfect timing😘thx!
@pierrebeauregard5369
@pierrebeauregard5369 5 жыл бұрын
coloc would almost allways forget to lock the entry door. It was very stressfull to check if locked or not. So I painted a red line in unlocked position on the deadlock.
@bjthedjdutchdude1992
@bjthedjdutchdude1992 4 жыл бұрын
I mostly have alone time after dinner until 20:00. Showering is not a problem because we work different hours.
@rdmqwerty
@rdmqwerty 5 жыл бұрын
i had to live in a shared house for a few years when i went to collage and it was really bad for me. for some reason, the other people made me very nervous to the point where i was scared of leaving my room. they didnt do any actions that made me nervous and scared. its like i was just automatically nervous and scared of them for no reason
@autismfromtheInside
@autismfromtheInside 5 жыл бұрын
Sorry to hear that :( It's pretty tough when your 'home' isn't your safe place.
@anascarlet
@anascarlet 5 жыл бұрын
I feel like that when talking on the phone with other people in hearing range... I'm so paranoid about it '-_-
@csdmlvjnfkvjdn
@csdmlvjnfkvjdn 4 жыл бұрын
Same here mate. In this day and age very hard to find people who understand asperger. Either we are a weird or shady person to them. But I hope you have a good life
@florianbeck4283
@florianbeck4283 3 жыл бұрын
It’s the same for me. I’m often pretty insecure around people, had a lot of bad experiences with people in general but also flat mates in the past. And I have some issues with executive functions, which I end up to project on my flat mates. So basically I’m kind of scared all the time something might go wrong or they might get angry at me for not being able to get along all the time. So on the smallest hint of a problem, I tend to go out of their way because I’m scared. I’m thinking about living alone, but it’s very expensive here and also I’m afraid this will just lead to other problems.
@florianbeck4283
@florianbeck4283 3 жыл бұрын
Also, moving in general is so much stress for me. It takes so much energy to even look out for a new home, and moving itself is the worst. Days or even weeks of total chaos and then getting used to completely new surroundings. Even in the most horrible shared home I stayed about one and a half years, knowing I had to move out after about half a year.
@connordennis1881
@connordennis1881 Жыл бұрын
I’m moving out this year was on the phone with my mum to the autism helpline with people finding shared houses I got to wait now for them to do the funds they left a voicemail for me I told my mum to call them back this week
@violetwildflower
@violetwildflower 4 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your video :)
@BobfishAlmighty
@BobfishAlmighty 5 жыл бұрын
Just hearing you talking about this is exhausting to me. Shared accommodation just does not work, for me personally. Living with a partner (I'm currently married) and children I can do, but anything beyond that, just no. So, sadly, my only tip for dealing with this is to not do it. But that's for me, so I get the feeling your advice would be far more useful overall
@cristinachaliandroi1369
@cristinachaliandroi1369 2 ай бұрын
As an autistic myself i like living alone but i want friends and interaction but then i enjoy as well go back home and relax to my cave😅
@gaunterodimmmastermirrors72
@gaunterodimmmastermirrors72 2 жыл бұрын
I'm actually in need of some advice. You see, I'm 22 years old and I'm deciding to stay in the country while my mom is returning to Puerto Rico with my 11year old brother. I'm afraid that I'm going to screw up and be lost, and I fear that without my mom nearby I'll be left alone and afraid. Thinking about it gets me ticked inside and I feel a wave of anxiety that won't go away until a while has passed. I'm genuinely scared to be alone, despite having others around to help, but I'm afraid that I'm not...adult enough to do anything simple right. It hurts inside.
@JairoABennu
@JairoABennu 5 жыл бұрын
I'm a concantankerous Aspie, I am in bliss living alone. It is expensive though
@avlpe7662
@avlpe7662 5 жыл бұрын
*cantankerous ;-)
@StarseedActivated
@StarseedActivated 5 жыл бұрын
Your Awesome
@alanaw2885
@alanaw2885 Жыл бұрын
Respectfully I’ve tried everything they’ve asked to help them be comfortable but when it comes to responsibilities and being straight up they do not handle the information well enough even when it’s their fault, it has built alot of stress on me and communication has not helped me sort it at all. If anything he avoids me and calls me mean things cause he assumes I’m targeting him
@stellavision8382
@stellavision8382 5 жыл бұрын
Tips for living in a share house: remember to buy toilet paper. Remember to tell your housemates when it's their turn to buy toilet paper. Alas, history's civil wars have been instigated by lesser motives.
@anascarlet
@anascarlet 5 жыл бұрын
I still feel like they should know when it's their turn to buy toilet paper... Because I know when it's my turn, or I can figure it out. So why are they so inattentive?
@stellavision8382
@stellavision8382 5 жыл бұрын
@@anascarlet I think some people are used to having people buy things for them... This has been my experience anyway. It once got so bad with housemates not buying toilet paper, that I would keep the toilet paper I bought in the bedroom. They can buy their own shit.
@elleh3495
@elleh3495 5 жыл бұрын
tip: always keep a back up stash of 2 rolls somewhere
@kaktuslieferant218
@kaktuslieferant218 5 жыл бұрын
I'm living with 4 people and 2 of them are really inconsiderate. It' 2-3 years now and at this point I just want to hurt them because I feel so hurt from them not respecting my personal space. I can't go in the kitchen anymore without getting a melt or shutdowm. One of them is mocking me. He makes crying noises when I'm near him and he gets upset with me when I'm not always responding to his hellos (because I didn't realize he is talking to me(he doesn't call me by my name)) . He can barely talk my language and I can't speak his which makes communication more difficult. I want to move so badly but I can't do it alone and my other roommates don't want me to go and think of me as highly egoistic.
@robyncroft2926
@robyncroft2926 5 жыл бұрын
Kaktuslieferant I am so sorry to hear your desperation. I remember situations like yours. Trapped, unable through lack of choice ($$$$$’s are choice) to get my real needs met. I get your pain. You can keep going because “YOU” have built the resilience through the adversity. Thinking of you.
@anascarlet
@anascarlet 5 жыл бұрын
Sounds tough. But if they don't respect your feelings to the point where you have to move, then they're the egotistical ones, not you
@emmaphilo4049
@emmaphilo4049 5 жыл бұрын
Oh no I have been in awful situations too. Can you change house?
@ecclesiastes_wisdom
@ecclesiastes_wisdom 5 жыл бұрын
not brekable rule. do not try to interact with me at the end of my work day. i have had more than my fare share of human interections.
@theoenemeloen1500
@theoenemeloen1500 5 жыл бұрын
You are only focusing on your 'habits' .. which you can control. But you cannot control how they are.. their habits.. My daughter has been sharing for near 8 years with different people and different locations and it is absolutely a mess!! The grass is not greener on the other side!!
@yuzan3607
@yuzan3607 5 жыл бұрын
This premiere thing is super annoying! When I see it I get excited thinking it's a video, then I forget about it and never get to actually watch it, so it's not helping in anyways! Can you please stop it? or is it possible to disable it? Otherwise I might unfortunately need to unsubscribe, even though I like your videos I just can't withstand this.
@autismfromtheInside
@autismfromtheInside 5 жыл бұрын
Thanks for the feedback! I thought some may appreciate knowing in advance and being able to watch it live together, but maybe it's not worth it for the confusion
@yuzan3607
@yuzan3607 5 жыл бұрын
@@autismfromtheInside Thank you ! It'll really save me a lot of frustration.
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