To this DAY - I can't stand seeing THIS

[@sharpatite4684]

" I have to love you. You're my child " Thanks Mom

[@nathalieduverna6963]

She would tell me she loved us differently because all kids are different. That didn't mean more or less just in our own way. When I told her that she froze.

[@cleols5433]

@sharpatite4684 or more covertly: why wouldn't I love you ? I'm your mother !" Hmmmm....

[@bup4523]

Ouch. Yeah. Same from my mom.

[@cairosilver2932]

They really aren't anything but a sort of distorted mirroring of societal expectations.

[@sharpatite4684]

@@cleols5433 I like that!

[@lilane259]

20 yrs later “mYcHiLdWoN’tTaLkToMe”

[@abstract3213]

My ChILd iS BaD aNd SeLfISh aNd DiSrEsPeCtInG mE fOr NoT sUbMiTiNg To My AbUsE

[@marymac9303]

Watched The Ref for the first time this Christmas. This quote feels relevant: "You know what, Mom? You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas? A big, wooden cross. So anytime you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it."

[@NightFoxProductions]

Perfect. That's absolutely perfect.

[@melodyeripley6731]

I haven’t thought about that movie in years! That was a great example of a messed up family 😂 fighting in front of the guy who broke into your house 😂😂so typical

[@rainbowconnected]

If anything like my parents, she'd probably complain the whole time nailing herself to it that "I have to do everything myself around here."

[@carynbrokaw9878]

The only “Christmas” movie I watch for Christmas 😂❤

[@sueg2658]

@@rainbowconnected🎯

[@herbalina]

Telling on themselves. They don't like being parents but don't you as their child EVER complain.

[@ryank6322]

They can be honest. You're not allowed.

[@kris_jenner_is_a_cryptid_]

My estranged mother recently tried to call and ask what i have planned for her when she cant care for herself 😂😂😂😂 same thing you did to me....nothing. ❤

[@cdow9032]

Mine always shut down other's compliments of me with insults like "oh you wouldn't think that if you had to raise her" etc

[@juditveres_hearts]

Wow, that's just .... wow. 😳😥 *hugs you tight.

[@janettemartin4604]

YUP!

[@cortisolsoup]

hate that this is a shared experience 💀

[@kelliesmith4068]

Mic Drop! I heard this All.My.Life! Cut mom out of my life 3 yrs ago. I am 63. She is 83.

[@chris-b]

If I was the one who was giving that compliment then for sure I would have given your mom right back, "oh I appreciate her even more now that I know she's raised by you. "

[@hotdog6978]

Goes to show that everything they did "for you" was really just for themselves and their image.

[@skyes7369]

I’m so glad my parents were good. They always loved & nurtured us. We had reasonable boundaries & discipline when required but never anything abusive. We were given respect as children because children are humans deserving of the same respect as adults.

[@SwiftRabbit-w7g]

My mother to me, as an adult, after my brother started holding strong boundaries with her BS "I'm sorry, I invested my time and love in the wrong child" 💀 So not only did she KNOW she was doing it to me, but as soon as my brother wasn't toeing the line, he was out. WTAF. The number of parents that complain loudly and nastily about having to have their kids at home during school holidays is disgusting too. When I reply enthusiastically that I LOVE school holidays, I'm met with these people assuming I'm being factitious about it. No. I really like having my kids at home, with everyone feeling more relaxed. It's lovely. I don't know what's wrong with people. Even if you do feel that way, why on earth would you say it loudly in front of those precious little humans?

[@Teow_of_Meow]

I always loved the days off for school holidays having them home to just relax and chill and do something fun, some said we spoiled our daughters (I overcompensated perhaps for my own childhood having not much consistency) mind you it would be a lie to say I wasn’t looking forward to school starting back up and getting back into our routines. Nothing wrong with that or for a parent to feel shame over… it is sad to hear some of these comments tho, may we all process, forgive, heal. Our parents were disturbed, abused children inside too. You know? Like incredibly. Anyway, I didn’t experienced this form of unlove, mine was more neglect, and we were consistently called brats, or beast, pests, and yelled at “GET OUT to go outside!”we weren’t wanted so ran feral most my childhood in the 70’s/ 80’s. For example, I was never forced to attend school and rarely had consequences. But growing up in a poor socio status, worked from a young age too.

[@bryonyvaughn2427]

A friend of mine who had five teenage son when I had my first baby told me that watching the wheat turn always made her feel sad. I didn’t understand why and then she added that meant summer break was going to wind to a close and the boys would be in school all day. It was so different than anything I heard that it melted my heart and made me mourn for every jokey bit about parents being glad their kids were going back to school. 😢 Edited for typo

[@Amber-b3g]

Home school is amazing!! Children thrive and teach themselves based on what they love to do and to satiate their natural curiosity 🙏💜🌸

[@bryonyvaughn2427]

@@Amber-b3g , it can be. It certainly was for me and my children. I don't want to imagine how frustrating it would be constantly advocating for my ADHD, Autistic & ADHD/Autistic children and then have them come home dysregulated. It would suck if my only time with them during the week was trying to get kids regulated only to send them back. Unfortunately, that is not the experience of many homeschooled kids. It really is a mixed bag with some of the best and worst practices out there.

[@sueg2658]

🎯

[@jasfra]

"I wish I had never had children. I could walk out that door and never come back''. ' 'All I did for you... When you developed (serious chronic autoimmune disease) I still allowed you live at home for an extra year... You were an adult, you were 18 but I let you stay and for free". "I would have had a wonderful career'' if it wasn't for your existence and the time and work I put into raising you through childhood. Thanks Mum. I could stay and feel forever apologetic for my existence but I'm choosing no contact instead to give space to heal and to be a healthy parent and partner to my new family.

[@chris-b]

The disease that you got because of her and the childhood that she gave you. Good for you to go no contact. Now you can heal.

[@cleols5433]

@@jasfra kudos 👏

[@devilinav7494]

I am so glad you escaped!

[@YukiKunikida]

🙏 praying for your healing.

[@niteleit]

My "favorites" I've heard practically all my life were "I never wanted any of you kids." and "I almost left your mother after you were born. But I stayed, for you." Father of the century, that one. Before I went no contact I replied to him with "Well, maybe you should've stayed off mom and it wouldn't have been an issue, or four." That went about as well as one would think it did. He now kvetches to the rest of the extended family that he has no idea what he's done to deserve this treatment from me and blames my husband for filling my head with goo. 🙄

[@cleols5433]

@niteleit Right !! So recognizable !! " I don't recognize you anymore; where is the old you ?? Your last bf and therapy have changed you completely and I'm the victim of it !! Now I'm to blame for everything!!".....🥴

[@punyashloka4946]

That's my father, always blame me for everything. Amazing how these parents do not realize how abusive their behaviors are.

[@nikiepunt8631]

Relatable.. good thing you have a hood husband now. ❤

[@Lorilor343]

My parents used to straight up brag and joke about beating us. And say how well we listened because we were beaten. To make it worse they could never see that it made other people uncomfortable. Ugh super embarrassing at every age 😂

[@RowanRiven]

Shame on all those uncomfortable people who were too cowardly to speak up and put them in their place. I never tolerate parents bragging about abuse, but then I was the abused kid who desperately wished someone would have called mine on their toxic and destructive bs.

[@cleols5433]

@@Lorilor343 omg so sorry you had to live this experience 😢

[@queenlewi]

Yeah, this is actually what I thought this post was about.

[@courtneyisaseagull]

Saaammmeeeeeee

[@earthrooster1969]

Oh, my Mom celebrated the fact that she was the Most Feared parent in the neighborhood...

[@yugenknows740]

I used to work in a daycare and i'll never forget seeing a mom pick up her 2 year old daughter. The daughter stopped at a fountain to get a drink and the mom shouted "MY TIME IS VALUABLE AND YOU'RE NOT WORTH IT!"

[@donniedoorko]

Oh my god that’s awful. I would love to tell her “You’ll have plenty of valuable time to yourself when you’re in a nursing home and your child refuses to visit you.”

[@samlynx2016]

Did the mom get reported?

[@piroshk1968]

When they assign ill intent and an evil nature to a child who just wants their parents love and adoration ✌️😗

[@porkchoppeaches]

It’s so uncomfortable when extended family talks about the bad aspects of the kids and the kid is standing right in front of you . I feel so bad for the child that their own parent would sand bag them for no reason to a mere acquaintance ( me).

[@annaburns2865]

This is what’s so insane to me. How could my mom think that I wanted to give her grandchildren after she talked about how awful it was so raise us? She just wanted me to have kids as “revenge.” I used to work in childcare so it felt like I was getting her revenge anyway.

[@kelliesmith4068]

My mother is jealous of any praise people give me. In front of them and me she'll say, "She was a difficult child to raise... Blah blah blah.", Thus shooting down their compliments. Last time she did this was to my new in-laws. They were shocked by her meanness. They have chosen not to have anything to do with her AND I have gone no contact. She's a miserable woman to be around.

[@lindamccloud3434]

That's sad. No child should experience that. You should get praises for your accomplishments and reaching your goals.stay resilient Like me. I have a hard life myself. But I'm Close with my mom. Me and my mom Laugh everyday. Laughter is Good for the soul. sending prayers 🙏 God bless🙏

[@nikiepunt8631]

Horrible indeed. Sorry you had to go through that kind of pain. Invalidation like that really changes you because you want to do good and be accepted. Especially by your mother. They can really make you feel that you are in compitition with them.. you cant have it if they cant. Making that you underachieve to please them. Healthy parents would want you to do better than them. Your mother is sick, there was nothing wrong with you. My mom did something somewhat similar but with triangulation involved so jealousy would occur between my sister and me. When i was out with my mom and we bumped into friends. They would often tell my mother that she had a nice and beautiful daughter. She continued to say: you should see my other daughter, she is much prettier. Isnt that lovely? i feel your pain...

[@kelliesmith4068]

@@nikiepunt8631 ... Thank you for your heartfelt reply. I pray healing & comfort for you. You are right that jealousy & competition from a mother is sick. She was always jealous of my relationship with my sis & dad. It's so much better for me now that I've gone no contact with her. Blessings 🙏

[@kelliesmith4068]

@@lindamccloud3434 ... Thank you for your kind words. Blessings 🙏

[@kristireynolds5234]

Good for you! Break the cycle and be better for yourself and your kids(someday if you don't have any yet). And that's wonderful you have a good husband with a good family. Glad for you!

[@realigninglife]

It's really striking how our mothers don't know each other, and yet somehow they use the same sentences....

[@cdow9032]

Right?! They even make the same annoying sounds! It blew my mind the first time I noticed that! Working on a dementia unit. I got to where I could identify narcs, not only by the negative energy and behaviors, but the sounds. It was like they have this class they all attend or something 😂

[@cam-f2y]

@@cdow9032yes, working as a CNA made me realize I REALLY want children, and more than that I want a good relationship with them… the people whose kids would voluntarily come have sleepovers with them or spend all day in their rooms were the happiest and sweetest. Not just the parents, the kids were so sweet to all the staff as well. I don’t want that out of a selfish need to be taken care of, but I recognize that comes from a lifetime of having a sweet relationship with your family and that became a top priority for me!

[@nikiepunt8631]

Like they all read the same book: how to make everyone around you feel miserable.

[@belgadog99]

YES! like they all have the same instruction manual ?? how to be a horrible parent ? Chapter 1.

[@caroleminke6116]

They took credit for all my achievements but trashed me in private! My father refused to attend my college grad because it cost too much even though I had to forge his signature to get scholarships then fight to go to the school of my choice. I couldn’t win for losing… go no contact with this family dysfunction ASAP

[@earthrooster1969]

At least I feel I have like minded siblings from a global dysfunctional family..🤗

[@RR-kz4hq]

Yes. I got to point where i scream begged crying my mom to pleade get a parenting book. Felt i couldnt say 'youre hurting me'

[@RadioPsychicAstrologyByPepper]

Oh my God I’m so sorry

[@scout8145]

I recently stumbled onto a support forum for people who regretted becoming parents. That doesn’t apply to me, so I left before it became rubbernecking on my part. But it felt strangely healing to see people maturely flat-out admit that becoming a parent (on purpose or not) was not working out for them, and to see them figure out their next steps. I was so used to the narrative in this video, it never even occurred to me that someone could take responsibility for their actions and seek help (even if the end result was to remain an active parent), without just casually guilting their children for existing.

[@samlynx2016]

My Dad, ALL THE TIME. He constantly complained about how hard it was to raise my brother and I but he would either be gone or aggressive. He would always talk about how (multiple expletives) expensive it is to raise kids. He had me convinced until I was about 19 or 20 that I had to pay him back for all of the food, clothes, and utilities I had used as a child. I spent my entire middle school and high school careers waiting to go to college and find a job that would pay in the upper six figures. I thought I was already several tens of thousands of dollars in debt, as a teenager. He used to tell me that I wasn't born, that I was hatched in an egg in a laboratory. I would be on the brink of tears, but never actually cry. He or his friends or my mom would call me silly or stupid for thinking it's true. I would always explain to them that I'm not upset that I think it's true, I'm not dumb enough to believe that. I was upset that my dad cared so little for me that he would lie and tell me I'm not human nor I am his. We look so much alike. I kid you not, he still spouted this crap when I was in college. He started when I was in kindergarten. And he would still call me stupid for being upset about it.

[@danak2230]

Omg this. My Dad looooves - to this day - to "playfully" put me down. "I raised an idiot" is something he'd say when I made mistakes. When I'd get upset or look angry, he'd say "Ohhh! I'm JOKING! Lighten up!" Then he'd playfully push my shoulder or tickle me to force me to smile, which, in his estimation, wiped out the damage he'd done.

[@kzali901]

This is exactly the relationship I have with my mother and sister. My mum in particular very literally told me that she's "Just taking care of you because I have to. Your dad wanted another one and I had no choice."

[@samlynx2016]

How horrible!

[@Drakengard82]

My mom sometimes tells about how her and everyone else in the house would start ignoring me for hours like it’s a happy memory. They even have a name for jt.

[@chris-b]

Pure evils..

[@sueg2658]

@@chris-b🎯

[@inner_panopticum]

The name is "emotional abuse"

[@7632ant]

My parents hated the responsibility of having 'children'. And mother in particular resented it, telling me that she'd 'earned the right to live on her own' when l was 16 and my sister 14. So that's what she did. I was put out to fend for myself and my sister stayed with our abusive father.

[@AA-mm6wu]

Oh, I remember my mom telling me how she raised me and my sibling to be “independent” by basically making us fend for ourselves in a lot of ways. What she considers raising us independent would constitute as neglect. 🙄

[@shellyj693]

This is also my mom. She would justify it by saying If I never had you clean the house, do the dishes, watch your younger siblings, cook, ect. Then you would never know how to do it yourself when you were older. Except, now she lives alone she does none of that stuff and her house looks like she's a hoarder. I was just her slave. Yet, had no clothes that fit, my hair wasn't brushed and I was malnourished.

[@SoCalRegisteredNurse]

My mom’s brag was that she never put us in day care. Well, we grew up in poverty and my parents refused help because only losers use “food stamps” so they couldn’t afford it anyway. I’m sure day care would’ve been a nice break from what was going on at home

[@peaceful5159]

Growing up I would hear my mom say to other adults in conversation : if I had to do it all over again I would not have kids. So messed up.

[@ImortalZeus13]

My mother commented on my cousins newborn son recently and she said "He isn't gonna like it but someday he's gonna have to spank that boy." And it was eye opening.

[@rubyattwood]

It’s so intense when people do this!

[@nathalieduverna6963]

She would say she kept us together because that's what she was "supposed" to do. Beyond that it was a gamble. I used to think "I would be better off with my grandma than here with you!"

[@LmB-hn2pu]

My mother was very jealous… all the positive parenting I ever got was from Grandma, but she still didn’t like me staying there.

[@constancebuckler7718]

Can sooo relate 😔

[@lordfreerealestate8302]

They do this on purpose, making subtle digs at us in front of strangers so we have to take the pain and not make a scene. Mine even joked about beating me.

[@KenSkelton]

My father used to complain about no one would take of us after my mother died so he had to step up and do it

[@jenlikescats8294]

Insert when my mom bragged about almost /not/ taking my brother to the hospital when he was 8 years old and broke both his arms falling out of a tree. Then laughed about having to help him in the bathroom. Like that's not a flex??

[@siku2391]

100%. Parenting was not a gift, blessing, privilege, or source of joy. It was a miserable obligation that they were saintly for suffering through. Gross, gross people and attitudes.

[@ideasinthegord3915]

A thing I heard from both parents "I don't have to like you to love you" and "I don't have to like you to parent you"

[@abstract3213]

Sad...what a monsters...I'm sorry 😞

[@hey_baddie]

always the victim them, and always the scapegoat me 🙃

[@Sam-mn4ed]

Anyone else told by their parents that they were a mistake? My mother said my eldest brother was the pill, I was the coil and my sister was the mini pill for breastfeeding. I guess the tried but the delivery was sad. We all manifest what we want/need. I’ve learnt that through healing. I was wanted, the reality of being a parent (probably not so much) Happy to be alive in a loveless family. I think… it’s a journey ❤

[@ExistentialErika]

“This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.” Very toxic/dismissive, and a clear indicator of a poor parenting choice.

[@constancebuckler7718]

Yes!

[@truewantsaband]

“Well they’re already here”

[@cleols5433]

@@truewantsaband awful 😖

[@Xr2-8fan_810]

Hi Patrick True. Perfect way to model what they do. my mom and dad said that I raised myself. The letdowns that I have in my 40s when I think back to my mother and father not showing me very much about how to be a woman or how to be anything else and I wonder why today the doctors call me a bipolar failure to thrive case. I've been listening for a while and I want to thank you for yesterday's upload when you mentioned about client education and learning about neglect and learning about what it is to grow up with abuse. I found that so often I didn't have the education to move forward with therapy and therapy would just have me talk but not really say anything to me to console me. I recently had a therapy encounter where I met with a therapist and a PhD and they only wanted me to spend 40 minutes calling phone numbers they gave me for DBT therapy and my insurance never covered it. I heard about DVT therapy through Dr Judy ho and other people at KZbin. I felt that therapy with you and other people at KZbin even though it's me listening to therapist was more beneficial than going to therapy with this new therapist.

[@sagoja115]

Mom:"When you were 3 years old, I just knew, that from this point on, you would get along on your own."

[@Crow9396]

Children don't ask to be born, yet parents seem hell bent on making them feel guilty for a choice they made. And yes, it's a choice. It's your choice to have unprotected sex or if you decided to keep a baby knowing you didn't want or couldn't take care of them.

[@flipping_pancake6032]

They still do this

[@nwatson2773]

Thank goodness I am childfree.

[@utbr963]

Totally relatable ❤❤❤

[@cleols5433]

Yeah...my mum reckoned I should help her with bathing - and I resent that - bc she changed my diapers then too... 😱

[@RowanRiven]

That's a form of covert sexual abuse, and you're not obligated to do it!

[@abigailkendrick]

The exact attitude 💯

[@KSS-vo6yp]

Does this count in this category: I had a birth defect undetected until 2nd gr, it required many surgeries and casts/braces on my legs. During that time, my mom was pregnant and had a miscarriage. She has repeatedly told me how she had to carry me around since I couldn't walk and how heavy it was but she didn't want me to feel the blame for the miscarriage. I can say it verbatim in my head and I feel like I unconsciously probably overheard it being said or talked about when it happened too. I was 6 and it didn’t even cross my mind to feel like it was my fault but in the years since i kind of have felt blame/burden.

[@RadioPsychicAstrologyByPepper]

This is not fair to you whatsoever. I’m sorry.

[@jaidaseiters2723]

My dad saying he literally tolerates us bc he had us to be his slaves TO PEOPLE NOT IN OUR FMAILY AND THEM LAUGHING

[@Sad_Bumper_Sticker]

ALL_THE_TIME_EXACTLY_LIKE_THAT 😂

[@bensweiss]

Thanks for sharing that about yourself.

[@ElizabethSeiden]

Hi Patrick! My roommate is a toxic npd! He's a covert narc!😂😂❤

[@carolyngutierrez9804]

I wish I had a dollar for every time my mom told me she was ahamed of me as a toddler, young child, teen... ouch.

[@PinkElfHSP]

My dad said "You spend the first year and a half teaching your child to talk... and the rest of their life trying to get them to shut up." He couldn't handle noise, but had ten kids with my mom. When I suggested things might have been better if he didn't have so many, he asked which of my siblings I would tell that they shouldn't have been born. 🤦 At this point, I'd pick myself!

[@PinkElfHSP]

Any of us big enough were required to spend most of our weekends working on his pet construction projects, like a servant with no choice. When my mom asked for a dishwasher, he said "What do you mean? I gave you ten of them!"

[@a.b.2850]

“I do it because I love you”

[@LSMH528Hz]

Not just the simple: "You destroyed my life" !!!

[@lms1068]

I love you both, I just love you differently, my mother explained to me about why she only ever cared for the golden child. I was disposable and expendable, he wasn't.

[@Socialwatch2025]

Right😂

[@angelalovell5669]

Oh my god. Yeah. THIS.

[@brookemahanes]

Oh goodness that’s a dang trigger right there….

[@navideology]

🎯

[@Bronte866]

There has been reliable birth control available since the 60s. If you’re dealing with Medival religious views on not using contraception then God help us.

[@SamuelAnderson-Barker-fc4jw]

Is it wrong for me to approach meticulous work tasks with the same mindset?

[@chriswolfe3770]

If I could prove psychology was a medical science. Who would I contact and how?

[@ZMorice]

😂😂😂😅

[@tims9434]

Wtf

[@lemsip207]

Lily Allen to a T.

[@annetteprice]

Respectfully, I don’t think this is a fair or accurate assessment. Lily Allen was being honest about not “having it all.” She opted to stay in her kids’ lives, to not neglect them/pawn them off on hired help. Unlike Patrick’s characterization here (which is my own mother to a T), Allen wasn’t complaining. She was being honest about making that choice and emphasizing how she wouldn’t have it any other way. Isn’t that what we want parents to do? Seems someone willing to stick their neck out like Allen did should be encouraged, not vilified.

[@margaritak9732]

🎯