Told Mother-In-Law I Wouldn't Have A Daughter Anymore If She Was In Charge r/AITA

[@dragonrider1549]

Story 2 - holy crap, that last commenter was really bitter and/or has one of those “guys can’t show weakness” mentalities. Holy crap, who ever said the wife would take on the lions share of the childcare. Both parents deserve to have free time and have their mental health be cared for, not ignored.

[@Gumbier_Than]

It's very disheartening especially since men get shit for not doing exactly what he did: sharing concerns and looking to nip it in the bud. Fuck man. He has the right to recharge too. Former pregnant woman here.

[@dragonrider1549]

@@Gumbier_Than Right!? It really seems like one of those “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” kind of things.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

@@dragonrider1549 My thoughts exactly! I'm just baffled at the last YTA comment. I mean they just completely dismissed OP's mental health, saying wife and baby are more important. Get therapy or suck it up. Talk about hostile and it totally disregarded OP's mental health. Yes, OP signed up for marriage and children, but I'm sure he wants to be the best husband and father he can be. He needs proper solutions, not hostile people telling him to get over himself and "be a man". They must be bitter or have a unhealthy mindset that men can't show weakness. I mean poor OP and his wife.

[@JSainte17]

She locked herself in the bathroom crying and screaming, “I hate everyone!” at 15? Because her older sister and her boyfriend of FIVE years got pregnant? The family is calling that “innocent”? Wtf.

[@t.matthies3049]

Also, making jokes about 8 year old having a boyfriend is really inappropriate in and of itself (in my opinion). Honestly, joking about kids having boyfriends or girlfriends has really started to weird me out as I've gotten older.

[@mintcoral]

@@t.matthies3049 actually I think your right in your opinion. I feel it tells little girls They can't be happy unless she is part of a pair. And I remember it being weird when I was a child. I mean I worked hard to be excepted by the boys on the block so I would have someone to play with my own age. Then that comment almost ruined it cause some of them remembered girls have cooties. So instead of having five people to play with I had two. Yeah don't do this to your child.

[@flamelily2086]

@@t.matthies3049 Exactly basically Sammi's family have brainwashed her into believing OP is her boyfriend and now she is having a complete meltdown because the baby is proof that OP loves her older sister and Sammi has no chance of ever being with OP.

[@t.matthies3049]

@@mintcoral That sounds awful! I didn't even think of the social ramifications of that. I was more thinking about sexualization of children, and the dangers of that (especially if joking about adults or even significantly older children/teens being their boyfriend or girlfriend). It is so easy for predators to take advantage of those kind of jokes, and make it seem like what they're doing is acceptable when it's not.

[@mintcoral]

@@t.matthies3049 your right it was awful. The sexualization of that comment is differently what most people are going to think about because of the age difference and age of those involved. People do make these kinds of comments about two children in the same age group, and people think it's cute at the time. No realizing that their are consequences for the children.

[@owl7072]

Story 4: It's not really an "innocent crush" if she's showing blatant jealousy and having a literal tantrum over her sister getting pregnant.

[@marshawargo7238]

At the beginning it might have been. At 15 it's not anymore. The parents should have had a talk with the girl long before this.

[@Wander85942]

“Back in my day we left mental health untreated so severely we made it even more difficult for mental health to be taken seriously”

[@catandrobbyflores]

"Back in my day kids were killing themselves because we wouldn't help them" I think that needs to be added to that statement.

[@Acidfunkish]

Back in my day, we used trepanning to make everyone from the criminally insane to women in "hysteria" more easily manageable. 🤨

[@thedestroyasystem]

@@Acidfunkish Ah, yes, the old "lock up and torture to death in the name of treatment"!

[@Acidfunkish]

@@thedestroyasystem It literally severed the personality from their own brains. That's why it made them more easily managed - there was nothing left of them.

[@videofan1010]

Yup

[@15oClock]

1. Back in their day, they'd blame her suicide on rock music! The solution is with love, not abuse. 2. No, Mark, you're right about this. The work/life balance here doesn't work and it needs fixing. 3. It's cruel to say this, but it sounds like he's more of a chore than family. That's not fair on OP. 4. Sammi doesn't have a "harmless crush"; she's being insane! Best to cut contact with all them.

[@locusxe1411]

For story 3 what’s not fair on Op exactly. His dad is moving so no one family has to take care of him anymore. The dad should be able to do what he wants

[@locusxe1411]

@@availanila but the dad is leaving to live alone so he cant be a chore anymore if he lives in a place with medical help.

[@Ilovebooks31111]

@@locusxe1411I agree, but btw, OP’s a woman and her fiancé’s a man, not a wife like one comment said.

[@reinwolf534]

Story 2 hurts. He is not an a hole. He has just as much right to down time as anyone else

[@-mokerly-5984]

Yeah, that last response was unnecessarily hostile.

[@-mokerly-5984]

@Melody Ackerman Hey! She shouldn't have to, no. You're right, he has to pull his weight and bear equal responsibility as a parent. Also spot on about the systemic issue of workload inequality. I very much understand his wife's POV, wasn't trying to negate that at all.

[@justabunneh6490]

Is he going to be expected to be with his kid all the time and not work then? That's not really going to fly with his boss.

[@Gumbier_Than]

I'm with you. Men needs support too. He's being vocal about his concerns and trying to get it sorted out now rather than later. Big shout out to those who actual cared and offered him solutions. As for the rest of them, WTF?!

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I agree with you. Yes, OP signed up for marriage and children, but it's not like he's being selfish here. He just wants to keep his mental health in check, no doubt so he can be a good husband and father. I don't like that last comment. It was just too harsh and hostile. Yes, it's the mother doing the childbearing and nurturing, but this is a big change for the father too, even if he's not going through it. I hope OP and his wife can talk about it and find a good solution to their problem.

[@TheNormExperience]

Story 2 - I remember growing up whenever I was over at one friends’ house when his Dad would get home from work he would just sit in his car for like 10-20 minutes. When I asked why my friend explained his Dad needed that small amount of time to decompress from work, and come inside happy and fully ready to engage with his family. As a teenager I always thought that was kind of strange, but now as a grown adult having had to work jobs that sucked, I think it’s kind of genius to give yourself a short 15 minutes a day just to yourself mentally and emotionally rather than bring that frustration home with you and have it ruin your time with your family.

[@JaneSmith-d1h]

What if Sammi hurts the baby out of revenge against her sister and the bf? If she's genuinely that clingy and crazy she potentially might.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 4: NTA. Sammie’s crush on OP has gotten out of control. Like she sees her big sister as competition for a guy that’s not interested in her AND NEVER WAS HER MAN TO START WITH. For all these years Sammie has had a one-sided relationship going on in her head. I feel like Sammie should’ve been set straight along time ago that she’s not Op’s girlfriend. Being 15 and throwing MASSIVE tantrums when she learned her “boyfriend“ is having a baby with her older sister is not “cute and innocent“ anymore.

[@testtickles7648]

Story 4... Thats not a crush, that's an obsession. She has shown her jealousy towards the gf and then freaked out over the gf being pregnant....I wouldn't leave her alone with the baby....

[@TheNormExperience]

Thank you! That was my thought too.

[@martinprochazka3714]

Yep, exactly. If a guy was this obsessed about a girl he would be framed as stalker and deemed a danger to society but here it's supposedly "cute"? I don't understand this world anymore...

[@testtickles7648]

@@martinprochazka3714 it's been like that for a long time. Just like I don't understand the stigma against boys/men being raped or sexually harassed/assaulted either. I'll say it as a woman and survivor, many women cause other women to not be believed cause they get mad at a man and falsely accuse them of it. It ruins innocent men's lives and waters down the real victims and, once learned to cope, survivors. All victims are really not victims, we are survivors, but we have to learn to feel we are. Both women AND men. This girl is sick and needs help. This is not only sad, but a dangerous situation, too.

[@eamsee657]

@@testtickles7648 As a fellow woman and sexual assault survivor, I agree with you completely. ***Edit to add: I also agree fully with Martin's comment. The double standard regarding men and women when it comes to sexual assault, sexual harassment, rape, domestic violence/abuse (including, but not limited to mental, verbal, physical, emotional, and financial) is absolutely sickening. It is an enormous issue in the society of today that absolutely needs to change.

[@testtickles7648]

@@eamsee657 Exactly.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 4: NTA That family's behavior is gross. If it is just an "innocent crush" how come she gets angry when OP and his girlfriend want to be alone. Also how is a temper tantrum "innocent" as well? I really don't want "Sammi" around that baby.

[@BitterSimplicity]

I feel like that last commenter on story 2 is the kind of 'feminist' who thinks dismantling the patriarchy is actually about flipping it around so men are the ones suffering... Nowhere in the story is it mentioned that the girlfriend was forced to give up a career, nowhere does it mention division of labor, and they're just making a ton of assumptions about OP being a sucky father and partner because he's experiencing some pretty normal burnout... Like, they just need to talk it out and find solutions together before the baby arrives, because burning out before shit really hits the fan is not going to end well for anyone. NAH, they just need to sit down together and really talk, devise a plan that will allow both of them time to decompress, be themselves, and not have so much responsibility on their shoulders. OP will have to take on a lot more labor while his partner is healing from the birth, so the more mental reprieve he has now, the better prepared for that he'll be. Men's mental health is important, too, and you can't pour from an empty cup.

[@roseytwinksmnk2932]

I agree completely! I found myself getting quite angry at listening to that last comment. Ffs.

[@songohan3321]

I agree too. That comment offered no real advice and was posted for the sole purpose of tearing him down.

[@elkevermeulen7343]

"Back in my day" when I was 12/13, I was going through depression and dark thoughts, my mother took me to a faith healer and had me go through an exorcism. Yeah, that didn't mess me up for life /s. All I needed was a child psychologist...

[@toysruskid5074]

I was just adhd, but my mom was schizophrenic, so she shoved me at every doctor who would medicate me so I wouldn't be so "annoying"

[@DeidresStuff]

As someone with mental illness, the mother is NTA. No one helped me when I was a kid, and I tried to commit suicide several times. My life has been a complete disaster. My parents felt that paying for expensive vacations was more important than therapy. My mother decided that I couldn't have medication. She also wouldn't get me treated for my horrific periods.

[@dinowolf359]

I was meant to get help in school but never did, I had a plan, I told my autism counciler what my plan was, they said I'd get therapy, I never did, schools can be a joke, and even though it can be a struggle at times, I'm glad I'm still here, and I'm glad you're still here, I'm happy everyday that someone decided to stick it out 1 more day

[@seymorebuttsdeeznutz]

I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. My parents stopped taking me to therapy without my parents asking me, and after that shit hit the fan with my mental health. I’m glad you’re here, and you’re not alone. ❤️❤️❤️

[@HackiePuffs]

So sorry for all you guys it’s sad that this is so common

[@thedestroyasystem]

Similar. My parents tried getting help, but it was always on their terms. My first therapist leaned more towards book work, which made it feel like a chore. Next therapist started off by yeeting me into a psych ward, from which I developed PTSD. Because this ward was stocked with mental illness deniers, who used supposed positivity to dismiss our hardships and belittle us. I know how it feels. I will never forget, nor forgive. I'm glad OP is actually listening to, and helping, their kid get the help they need rather than locking them up and throwing away the key :)

[@seymorebuttsdeeznutz]

@@thedestroyasystem that’s kind of what happened to me. Therapists can suck, and the way to find a great one is to push through the bad ones. I hope it gets better for you! (Ps, you’re username says ‘system’, so I don’t know if you have DID or a branch of that sort, so if you do, I hope it gets better for your system!)

[@Rendosian]

I guarantee “buck up” person om the second story is just grand at parties.

[@devchekhov7512]

Or related to OP's MIL in story 1

[@carolroberts4614]

It's all in the past now, but I was so mad at this for poor op! BUCK UP!??? Sooner or later he would go back to the office, anyway! But nobody had a shred of sympathy for him! I thought we were over that's over it ' thing. Many of us have managed to bring up babies with, Shock, Horror! being alone through the day with all sorts of dramas.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I'm just baffled at the last YTA comment. I mean they just completely dismissed OP's mental health, saying wife and baby are more important. Get therapy or suck it up. Talk about hostile and it totally disregarded OP's mental health. Yes, OP signed up for marriage and children, but I'm sure he wants to be the best husband and father he can be. He needs proper solutions, not hostile people telling him to "buck up".

[@pastelbell]

I'm going to be mushy with this take again, but NTA for the OP in the first story. I'm so, so, SO thankful that there are parents out there like OP who dare to go against how parents may typically act towards severe mental illness, because there are so many that will brush off severe mental illness as their children being "defiant." I've met kids my age who've said that their parents are like that, even knowing parents themselves who believe that severe mental illness nowadays (like clinical depression, anxiety, etc) is just an excuse to get out of doing things. OP's MIL is the kind of parent young kids would *fear* having, as she's a literal "mental health denier" and the kinda parent that will verbally/mentally belittle you just because you tried confiding in her about something (doesn't matter if it's how you'd feel, if you want to come outta the closet, etc). I really hope OP and her husband go little to no contact with her in laws, because I can't imagine what she'd say or do to OP's daughter while alone.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#4 - OP is NTA nor is his GF. The parents are oh so wrong for continuing to allow or possibly even encourage this behavior by Sammi. That girl needs to get out in the world and leave her sister's BF alone!

[@notoriousd.i.g.87]

Story 2: Is it me or do the responses to this one feel just too lopsided. The husband just wants to go back to work and have quality human interaction but all the responses require OP to, in the middle of having a clearly demanding work schedule and being a father, has to figure out time for therapy and push in time for walks etc. It just feels like he has to jump through hoops while his partner doesn't have to make any compromises whatsoever. I understand she has to go though child birth and has the full time job of motherhood, but there are ways for her to be supported with the baby and allow OP to go back to work and have the social interaction he needs, like say they do shifts where the wife takes care of the baby when the husband is gone and when he goes home he takes full care of the baby for at least an equal amount of time so the wife can rest or do her things. All the solutions revolve around OP spending money on activities/therapy and burning through the amount of time he has between work and home when, when all he wants is to just have some social interaction in a positive work environment. All the while the wife has to make little to no compromises. IDK, does it just feel lopsided to anyone else.

[@lizgreene7921]

Yes, thank you. I was looking for this comment.

[@audreym3908]

Thank you! The last comment on that story sounds like the MIL from the first 🙄

[@Pikaman20008]

Yeah I felt like the comments on that one were incredibly harsh. It’s not like he was asking for anything crazy and he did understand his wife’s perspective, he just wanted some guidance. I feel like sometimes Reddit tends to downplay importance of men’s mental health

[@Doublemonk0506]

Especially phiksirho, they make multiple assumptions about OP and their spouse. They think OP didn't already know the impact of a child. They think that OP is going to laze around once the child comes. They think OP's spouse even had a career (not everyone wants to work at an office). They assume the wife will just spiral after birth? They assume that OP's are even the norm? They assume that the entire pandemic is just a nick in the butt for everyone? I haven't covered all assumptions, but it's safe enough to believe that phiko is heavily biased. They are placing assumptions in the place of judgement, that is not good judging. You sometimes have to assume the evidence, but there doesn't seem to be basis for some of phiko's assumptions

[@b-red9489]

From what I heard I don't think the wife works? Mental illnesses can be caused by being overloaded...Unless He is a deadbeat the father shares some of the stresses of pregnancy, support goes both ways.

[@owl7072]

Story 2: "YTA, if you need time to "decompress" (? Why the quotations?) then make some time in your schedule at home to do so" it sounds like wife doesn't want him leaving the house for long periods of time due to not wanting to stress about being alone while he's gone. Her worries are valid, but is it really fair to have your husband stay home, knowing that he's stressed and having 20 seconds at most to decompress from work mode to home mode, just so *you* aren't stressed? If mom is stressed it can affect the baby, but if the dad is stressed ✨it can still affect the baby✨. She may be pregnant but that doesn't automatically mean her wants and needs are more important than his, especially since he's the only one working right now. Does she really want a husband that's so stressed and exhausted that he might potentially start resenting the baby? The mental health of both parents is important. Edit: "YTA get real man, you signed up for this" that doesn't mean his feelings are invalid, he just wants a bit of time to decompress from work which he used to get from his commute home but doesn't have anymore due to covid, I'm *begging* people to stop acting like a dad's health isn't equally as important as a mom's

[@Pikaman20008]

Yeah I didn’t like that so many of the comments downplayed his feelings. He even mentioned in the post he knew he would be busier, but he didn’t realize just how much of a strain on his mental health it would be.

[@stevenyork721]

💯

[@lilolmecj]

This comment is three years old. But COVID certainly brought out a lot of hidden fear didn’t it? The work my husband and I did simply didn’t allow for remote work, it is very hard to envision a life that would have allowed it. I am glad things have settled down! Some people really thrive while being in an isolated environment, others are energized by being around others. It sounds like the husband is a person who needs to be among others at least part of the time. I hope they adjusted and found solutions that left them both happy.

[@UnnoticedKIN]

Story 1: NTA, I was suicidally depressed and had severe anxiety when I was 11 years old as well and didn't dare tell anyone about it because I was afraid I'd be met with the exact same attitude that MIL has. It took me 7 years to finally ask for help and by that time I had gotten several physical symptoms and was on the verge of a burnout. OP sounds like a very loving and caring parent and I'm so glad she's taking her daughters mental health seriously!

[@Gumbier_Than]

Hey, glad you're still here. 🙋🏾👋🏾😊

[@tegantalks9612]

Story 2- I think the best solution for the dad to decompress after work is to go for a walk but pop the baby in the stroller. It is so easy to do that and when they’re little they usually just fall asleep so you get some peace and quiet. When I had my oldest I would pop in headphone and go for a 30 minute walk and he would just sleep and it was a great way to decompress.

[@awwmandac2556]

As someone with a history of mental health issues, those parents are amazing and I’m so happy their daughter has them.

[@Gumbier_Than]

Yo, glad I got to read this from you today. Shine on! 🙋🏾👋🏾😊

[@indyfmw]

Story 2: nah I feel like a lot of people haven’t been able to split. I found myself using a “study timer” you work for 1hr. Then do something for 10-15 as a break.

[@kindallchase3949]

Ikr I feel like everyone is worrying a lot about the wife and daughter and not the husband, everyone in that family needs to catered to

[@michaelmorris8302]

@@kindallchase3949 because men are told to deal with it and man up our mental issues don't compare to a females and we are seen as weak

[@michaelmorris8302]

@Melody Ackerman what ever mom's get just as much down time as anyone else they just waste it only time I see it being an issue is if the child has issues

[@lunanight2151]

@Melody Ackerman I understand your point of normally mom’s don’t get any down time. That being said all people deserve a break between home and work moms and men included. All this man wants is to soclize and un wind due to already diagnosed anxiety and depression. He probably already is on medication which only treats the symptoms and proubly is going to therapy but neither cure the issue and he is having to change his coping mechanism. Neither are the assholes but they need to find a good balance that works for their family. Personally I like the idea of a family walk however maybe painting would be a good destresser. Mom could probably find a destresser when dad has calmed down for work as well. That way both mom and dad gets an hour’s break from work and life and once they both have calmed down they work as a team for the little one.

[@Carla_Valjeta]

So story 2 is a mixed bag, but the comment of "just start earlier" just means the man has the same fucking issue, he would still be working the same amount of time, and it wouldn't help them if they have to wake up earlier as well, it means they have to change a sleeping pattern which can be a lot more stressful. I think the OP needs socialization, I feel like all of the YTAs don't understand that working without the breaks to talk with coworkers or decompress can really injure mental health, more so when you have been so use to it, he sounds like an extrovert who needs social interaction from a few other people. Yikes that last comment, it reeks of "your problems don't matter because your wife has it and will have it a lot worse". dude is minimizing what the OP is actually feeling.

[@ChefBoiRLiik]

God I hate reddit cuz if the mother said she wanted just 20 minutes to himself to decompress reddy would still call the mab the AH cuz then she's doing all the work but when a man needs a break they need to buck up and just get over. Reddit is just full of simps or misandry

[@flamelily2086]

It sounds like Sammy has a major crush on OP and her parents should have stepped in to put a stop to her behaviour. Her reaction to hearing about the baby is concerning and I can't believe how casual her parents are being about this.

[@JSainte17]

How can they witness that and still call it “innocent”?

[@mintcoral]

It's up right creepy. The fact that op and his girlfriend are adults at this point means this should totally stop. But it sounds like grooming behavior but on accident. Like the parents have groomed sammy to be op's girlfriend and now it's falling apart. The girl needs help and it's the parents fault.

[@carolroberts4614]

That was my thought too! There is no other feasible reason for the parenus encouraging this behaviour. They want their little golden child with op.

[@marianhoblyn1901]

Just can't get my head around how these grown adults go running to their families in order to gang up on people who don't agree with them, and the families actually start bombarding them.

[@mothertrucker936]

Story 4 NTA, Sammi is a teenager with raging hormones. Her family is completely oblivious especially after her outburst of jealousy. You’re absolutely entitled to demand your space. Ask her family if they’d appreciate if your roles were reversed. Her obsession with you is frankly frightening cause she’s being backed up as if she were a toddler. I’d worry about leaving the baby alone with her as an excuse of “it was an accident” would most certainly be accepted

[@dracawyn]

Story 1: the epitome of a Boomer right there. Ranting about "back in my day" and talking about toughening her up and not being so soft on her and then the second anyone says anything to disagree she throws a tantrum about how mean you are and how you need to be nicer to her. They sure spend a lot of time accusing everyone else of being "delicate snowflakes" for people who get so easily offended by every damn thing.

[@toddripley8802]

Working at home does not mean home and available to parent or help with the baby...he will be home and WORKING!! He is home but not available...it is easier to be out of the house!

[@Acidfunkish]

Story #4: This is what happens when parents refuse to see their teenaged daughters as sexual beings: any harm they cause with their obsessions is ignored or - even worse - encouraged. It might have been cute when she was 8, but it's not, any more (though, the way the fam encouraged her was still toxic, back then). She's a YOUNG ADULT, now, and this toxic behaviour is going to continue spiraling out of control, as she gets older, if it's not dealt with. She's learned all kinds of gross lessons from this. It needs to be sorted out NOW. And if her parents won't set appropriate boundaries, then you'll just have to distance yourselves from that side of the family, until (or if) they do. Legit thought this was a 25 year old couple and a 10 year old little sister, at first. 🤦‍♀️ At such similar ages, it's so much more creepy. Yucky.

[@3littlebirds729]

Story 2: Work a couple of days in the office is ideal for the OPs situation.

[@filiawilia]

That first story pisses me off. I almost committed suicide my senior year of HS and my mom beat me, told me I was doing it for attention and that I was pathetic. After that, my school forced my mom to take me to therapy for 2 months, after they stopped watching her, she pulled me out. She’s lucky I didn’t die.

[@rufinator]

About the Sami story, aside from what everyone else has said about how messed up it is, I’m really concerned about what she might do to the baby down the road.

[@redditsloth7782]

story4:yeaaaaaa... its such an innocent crush that she had to scream out loud and lock herself in the bathroom when it was revealed her sis (who is op's gf) was pregnant which was a heavy reminder OP wasnt hers so she went crazy, so yea... real innocent crush, if i had a gf i would not feel comfortable being constantly told the younger sister had a crush on me and was trying to be close all the time

[@TsukiKageTora]

I really hope the last story is a troll story because oh my god... they think it’s OP’s fault for him feeling uncomfortable for their daughter’s creepy feelings towards him. Way to victim shame!!

[@HackiePuffs]

Story 1: HECK NO NTA!!! That MIL is so heartless and I would’ve said something similar she could cry about her “hurt feelings” all she wants while I help my severely mentally ill daughter get through her problems so she could function in life comfortably. I feel so sorry for that kid she must be going through so much right now.

[@gaxalee7392]

In response to the hurt feelings bit, Op could, rightfully, say, “toughen up, no one cares that you’re sad.” Some may call it harsh or “stooping down to her level” but I personally think there’s no such thing when you’re protecting your children from abusive people.

[@bonniebaldridge1248]

Story 1: NTA I wish I'd had a mom like you, as I'm sure some of my siblings...most of us had massive anxiety and she didn't give a f*ck...just get on with it, kid. I also had the puking and crying and did NOT want to go to school, and my bitch Ma just didn't care to find out WHY.

[@AnonymousAnonymous-fz6xi]

For story two I see where OP's parter is coming from for not wanting him to go back to the office during a pandemic while being pregant/having a newborn with no real immune system. That being said, OP should be able to take some time to decompress.

[@Spgzay]

Last comment on story 2 was uncalled for

[@noir8739]

That last comment for story 2 was awful. Its like the commenter is trying to ONE UP someones issues.

[@marlonmontelhiggins8570]

I almost feel like praying for her SO (assuming that the commenter is female, has an SO, and/or is the woman in the relationship).

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

Story 1: NTA. Ignoring how dismissive the MIL was about the daughters mental health, I’d say that the MIL is kind of a hypocrite. She outright describes how the daughter is being a baby and she would tell her that no one cares that she’s sad, but once OP shoots back and criticizes that mindset with the same level of callousness, she goes to tell her whole family about to rally them against OP.

[@cheesedemon88]

“Back in my day we told kids to toughen up” Back in your day kids killed themselves regularly, but y’all wrote it off as accidents because suicide was seen as shameful.

[@silverkeys-nv2kj]

omg, those comments on the husband who was going crazy working from home from people describing pregnancy and childrearing make me want to run screaming away from EVER having kids. yIKeS!!!

[@metmelaram5277]

Story 2 I understand OP...I'm a new mom during covid I work from home and have to bounce between work and mommy mode and it's draining and mentally taxing.

[@threeducks157]

Lol I hate the "back in my day" crap only time I heard it and I didn't roll my eyes was when my granddad told me "back in my day condoms sucked hence 17 kids" and no he wasn't irresponsible, he cared for ever single one of them male or female plus... He is kinda filthy rich lol.

[@Dragonemperess]

XDDD That was amazing to read!

[@weareallbronies9031]

That first story is absolutely NTA. Mental health is no joke.

[@catefox]

Story 2: maybe walk around the block after work - could be a solution Edit: and there comes Mark - already found the solution :D Edit 2: maybe take the sleeping baby with you on your walk so you can relax an mummy too

[@viennperidot1119]

Story 4: That's not an 'innocent crush' anymore, it's now an obsession being enabled and encouraged by the family. NTA

[@somedude685]

23:03, not to be that guy but imagine the roles were reversed and some one said “just speak up” to a girl. They would be called a dick head like the one they are. But when some body says that to a boy nobody has a problem with it. it’s not easy to just call somebody out/speak up, especially when you know the family. No matter what gender you are

[@SLTheOneAndAwesome19]

Story 1: NTA. As an ADULT with an anxiety disorder, I know how society doesn't treat it seriously. I babysat for a family whose oldest daughter had severe anxiety and, probably because kids' brains develop at a rapid rate (but don't quote me, I'm no expert), her anxiety expressed itself INTENSELY. And people see it as a kid acting out to get what they want when it is ABSOLUTELY not voluntary. You realize that when her friend's father drops her off at home crying because she had been having fun with her friend when suddenly she had the intrusive thought that something had happened to her parents and she had a panic attack and was inconsolable. My mom is the head of special resources at her school and she has seen the kinds of parents that refuse to acknowledge their children's issues and the damage it does and the burden of helping the child falls on the school and its limited resources. In this story, it sounds like the school is really trying to cooperate with the parents here which is admirable and usually working together with the parents will result in the best education and the best treatment for them. But I think that if the parents can afford it, then this is a kid who NEEDS home schooling. The family can then work with a therapist to reintegrate the girl back into society at her pace and in a way that won't harm her and needlessly push her. The MIL needs to shut her damn mouth. The parents are working with professionals to manage their daughter's mental health. The disrespect the MIL shows towards the girl's therapy ("they're encouraging her") shows that she has no understanding of mental health or respect for mental health experts. And as other comments noted, MIL's very comfortable spewing "harsh truths" but can't accept them herself.

[@LINKINPARK262]

How *DARE* OP not let their daughter stalk, harass and sexually assault him? The nerve of some people.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 2: NAH but OP needs to TAKE downtime. Find a way to recharge and decompress. It is something people struggle with even if they work at a normal job. SELF CARE IS REQUIRED FOR ALL. This is especially true now when we have a 2nd silent pandemic of mental health issues running alongside the covid pandemic. Edit: you're not wrong, Mark. Everything you said is spot on.

[@Cookie25559]

The last comment in the second story is really mean. It was a total NAH there. Like his feelings don’t matter 😐 like- you know if you had a kid with shit mental health it could negatively effect the child? And it’s not like he wants to just abandon everything he just wants breaks. I hate the One person has to be bad mentality in Reddit stories. That commenter needs to be a little more empathetic like they are with the wife cus they sound unbelievably fucked up.

[@greenguardian5845]

That last comment in story 2 in my opinion is 100% downplaying OP's understandable need for a break, who ever that commenter is a total piece of sh*t like damn that's just unnecessarily harsh and may that person get empathy

[@Spgzay]

And if he doesn't have time to settle down how would he have time to goto. Therapy

[@Violets_and_Madness]

I was hoping I'd see a comment like this. Total agreement, the last commenter on Story 2 is an asshole. There is a reason there are more mental hospitals for adults and the suicide rates in men are higher and it's because of people like them telling to be a man and "buck up"

[@greenguardian5845]

@@Violets_and_Madness The phrase "Man Up" is toxic as f**k and anyone who say it will have karma knocking at their Door to teach them that everyone is still a human being and to remember that the mind is more powerful than the body. Making them feel less of a man will not help in the long run mental wise

[@marlonmontelhiggins8570]

The "NAH" verdict exists for this reason, and it would be perfect to apply here. Hell, even Mark has.

[@kristys7172]

Story 2: NTA, eventually the company will call everyone back to an in office setting, he will have to go back sooner or later. Pregnant gf the AH for not following cv restrictions while pregnant.

[@sciencenerd218]

JUST IN TIME! I'm ordering another round of pizza delivery!

[@MarkNarrations]

PIZZZZAAAAAA!

[@rebecca4480]

Dominos? Cheesy garlic scrolls plz

[@SeaPhantom]

@@MarkNarrations Now I'm thinking of some Dominos ad where some lady opens the door and says "It's you," and the pizza guy says "It's me" lmao

[@indyfmw]

Can I have pepperoni

[@mtimm9023]

Chocolate lava cakes. Yumm

[@επιθετικόακτινιδιο]

St4: What what what?? Be careful what you "feed" a little child because is gonna follow them in the adult age. Her parents taught her that it is ok to have a crash on other people's partners. It is funny! So, now she acts on those feelings. She is intrusive, is stepping boundaries and is entitled cause...it s funny!! OP doesn't "punish" her for her feelings, he is "punishing" her for the way she is acting. He is setting boundaries. She is not 8 years old anymore. Her parents should have taught her not to cross boundaries or make other people feel uncomfortable. It is obvious that she is their golden child and I find the parent's behavior disgusting and inappropriate. They choose to put stress over their pregrant daughter for the sake of their other entitled daughter. Ask them at what age would they find her behavior inappropriate and not funny? At 28? And how her behavior is gonna change if they keep enabling it? Would it be ok if she had that same behavior on one of her classmates? Would she go and throw herself on him like that even if he didn't want it? Whould that be funny? F*ck them and go NC. They are disturbed. I bet in the future they would intend to force you to have a relationship with her, instead of your GF

[@analisesalas538]

As someone else that works from home its best to set firm boundaries with housemates/partners/family. For instance the nature of my work can keep my totally busy the entire time or it could be totally dead so its hard for my family to see me as always at work sometimes. Its important to take breaks and i love taking my dogs out for a walk to help decompress

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

The world is going back to normal and you will have to go back to work, everyone will. Ask her what's going to happen when you have NO money to eat or afford a place to live.

[@2212blackstar]

I was thinking this like at some point he’d need to physically attend work because there is only so much a person can do from home. Plus everyone is saying op can just walk but on both his wife’s point and the comments say it’s a serious commitment then how is op to commit time to walk or see a therapist if the wife is laid up? Same for contracting COVID, unless shots aren’t available where he is then nobody should go anywhere out of concern for the kid who isn’t even there yet. COVID is everywhere and op is just as if not more likely to come across a random passerby with it over the company that likely would prefer if people in an enclosed space have it. Plus given how baby crazy people and crazy in general I wouldn’t be surprised if people want to start touching the kid so him taking the baby for a walk during every destress wouldn’t work. I can just see the next post from the wife asking about why her husband is either resentful, quiet or distant or not paying her attention, like well shit if my entire life is work, baby, house and your constantly needing your moment of peace with no time for me to have any until I pass out why wouldn’t I be distant, which will only lead to divorce thanks to the white knights of Reddit telling her to leave him.

[@kimmurphy6621]

Story 2- i don't think he is an ahole, he is open and honest about what works for him. The fact no compromises were suggested by her (that i know of) makes me think she is being selfish. I hope if he trys other things and if he still doesn't feel right, that he does what's best for him and doesn't feel guilty. Everyone after him about the father aspect but how can he be a good father if he isn't looking after himself?

[@SheenaFujibayashisan]

Story 2: I think he should have himself set to take a few weeks/months off around the time the baby is born. Two weeks before and two weeks after would be best, cause it'll give them time to decompress and get ready for baby, as well as a bit of time bonding with baby. As for the last line in his story about needing to go from work mode to dad mode, as my friend can tell you(she has two) that's the average life of a mom. Moms don't often get breaks from anyone, family, friends, no one. So you'd be understanding so much more than most guys how a mom tends to feel and may even be more willing to step up and help. Edit: Adding in that, if he wants, they can take turns of a 'me day', where one side doesn't do anything involving baby at all and just spends time by themselves, no work or anything either, just to decompress and find themselves a bit.

[@LadyLeomon]

1) NTA, you know your daughter best, grandma should butt out if she’s not going to be helpful. 2) NTA, shocking as this may be for her to hear your mental well-being is just as important as hers, good luck. 3) YTA, I can understand wanting him to stay close but this is his time now, let him have this. 4) Yelling “I hate everyone” when she finds out the man she’s been crushing on _for 7 years_ is having a baby with her sister is no longer “an innocent crush” and I would be on guard whenever she’s around if I were you. Thanks for the new vid WaffleBoss 💙🐱💙

[@faeb.9618]

i'm just 22 and already carry years of a shit load of undiagnosed/self diagnosed mental illness and disorders because my parents yelled at me that i'm fine and just lazy when i tried to open up about the possibility of adhd. tried to get me to be "less shy" when i said how incredibly overwhelming the family reunions were and how anxious they made me by taking away every escape i had and making me sit right in the middle. still regularly yell at me for being overly emotional and prone to tears under the slightest stress. they insist that i'm fine and then say that i have something wrong in the head and act like me asking for a psychologist visit is a burden, so i still haven't gone once. i don't know how i've managed not to off myself in all these years. take care of your kids yall, they're never too young to go through some heavy shit

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

The "tough love pull yourself together" attitude is so dangerous. I have struggled with mental health since 13 ish. My parents were the "have a word with yourself" types and had no understanding of mental health. It didn't fix my issues, it led me to self harming in secrecy throughout my teens. My parents didn't know a thing. People like MIL are part of the reason for suicide rates being so high.

[@patriciacramer9187]

The grandma is truly deranged if she thinks ignoring the girls feelings will toughen her up. Cut off all contact immediately.

[@pansprayers]

My husband and I have been telecommuting for 20 years in one form or another, long before COVID made it acceptable. NAH. Mental health and separation of work/life is a crucial part of WFH being successful. At least he's ASKING for help seeing a different perspective, so the YTA comments baffle me.

[@FriedaMMartin]

Getting mother’s days an 4th of July products ready. Gotta keep my stuff current

[@catefox]

Hi Mark! Have a nice evening! Hope youre doing well - sending much love

[@pshaw8406]

I've been where this little girl has been, I have agoraphobia. "Tough love" is the worst thing you could do! It's not love or understanding at all. It's not an innocent crush if she is crossing boundaries and throwing tantrums!

[@heathermiller5765]

Yeesh, Story 4 sounds like the plot of a Lifetime movie 😬

[@Russman67]

Mark you are so happy it's infectious. That's what makes these so much fun.

[@LookItsSani]

Story 2: I legit didn't get that "I'm trying to run away from fatherhood" vibe from OP. All I got was him not being able to separate work and home spaces and that's awful for _every_ aspect of his life. Not everyone adapts well to the home office routine. I, for one, thought I would love working from home, but I legit take 10x longer to do shit than I did in office or at uni. If he had the option to (physically) go work at least a couple times every week, I'm sure it would really help him out

[@kittykratz]

Hey Mark! Been a viewer for about a year. I’m in a very reverse situation to Story 3. I am originally from the states, but I was given the opportunity to move to Japan right after college. I am an only child and have a sizable extended family, friend group, and church community. It was hard to make the decision, but everyone in my communities encouraged me to go since it will make me happy and be a great opportunity for my career. It hasn’t been easy, sure. I have some relatives in their 90s and other members with their own health problems. I even mutually ended my long term relationship at the time, with my partner saying that it’s such a good opportunity and he would be upset if I chose him over it (We’re still good friends to this day).Video chat is a thing, and I often get updates from my communities about how everyone is doing. Do I get homesick? All the time, but I don’t in any way regret my move and am so grateful I had people in my corner.

[@albertgongora6944]

I find so hilarious on Story 1 the whole entire family is upset at Opie and her husband because they're being proper parents and they're making sure that their daughter is being taken care of mental we in the right way I mean for god sakes it's already bad enough that this girl was suffering with social anxiety and then it just got worse as soon as the pandemic kid you can just tell a child diagnosed with a mental disorder like social anxiety regular anxiety or even depression to just Shake It Off these are the type of disorder that tee time and patient that way the person can progressed through life the way they're supposed to end of their things that already made it worse for them it takes a lot for them to come back from that and it's not an easy thing to go through and Opie's daughter is already showing that and I feel so bad for the daughter because she has by her side is Opie and the husband which is a coarser dad but it's so upsetting that the whole entire family is acting like this isn't a big deal and you know her mental disorder is something that just needs to be discarded and thrown aside because they want to be right

[@damien678]

S1, oh, oh gods. She has agoraphobia. I have severe agoraphobia too. It's a complete nightmare and I'm an adult. You can ONLY get over it with a lot of therapy.

[@katiedawber5225]

Oh wow I had to wake up earlier today to actually have breakfast today before work What a great way to start my day, really helps me feel better

[@sylvestercat1898]

Story three: NTA. Dear God Sammi is just messed up. Was she just hoping that OP and her sister would break up and then Sammi had the “master plan” to seduce OP into being in a relationship with her?

[@femalepapyrus]

This is story 4 not 3

[@mintcoral]

Actually I don't think Sammy had a plan. It seriously sounds like her parents teasing "groomed" her mentally to being op's girlfriend. It seems like an implausible think to happen but really it's not. You see things like this with entitled kids where the kids after enough time believe their parents fantasies where it's earth shattering when the kids meet the real world.

[@SuperBatSpider]

4:Needs to go no contact ASAP! Not until the baby is born PERMANENT!

[@Jiynxparadox]

When MIL said she found it hurtful OP should have said “no one cares if you’re sad and you need to grow up”

[@grinningweirdo4888]

Story one: mil: I don’t care your daughter has dark thoughts and anxiety I’d tell her to suck it up if she were mine OP: good thing she isn’t Mil: you hurt my feelings

[@hellkitelord8319]

Story 2: Classic not taking males have mental health seriously. Between the wife and op are NAH but reddit definitely the AH this time. Thankfully some gave suggestions how to help. I bet if he had a mental breakdown he would still be called the AH.

[@desireeloveros1055]

Yep dude needs a routine to decompress

[@stevenyork721]

Yeah it bullshit but reddit is full of morons so it to be expected. All the YTA clearly don't care if the only source of income harms himself because of his poor mental health.

[@selbarton]

1: Get a new therapist. Isolating the kid because she won't even try to cope because she doesn't want to go is not helping. They didn't do anything to help the daughter be able to keep functioning. They know the isolation took her from being able to go to school to an 11 year old wanting to drop out. What happens when she throws up and has panic attacks, exactly what she wants, to stay home and not go to school. Keeping an 11 year old a hermit so she can't leave the house is not helping her. Having a babysitter drop her off was likely to stop the parents from feeding into her behavior and taking her home instead of school. 2: He's whining about work and home being the same like her life where it is all at home. Work and Dad, what does he think working around the house and Mom. He wants to not be as locked down as he expects her to be. He already wants a break from fatherhood, and he isn't really even involved yet. He should have realized he wasn't ready to give up being free before she got pregnant. 3: She sounds like a child rather than an adult. He doesn't sound like he is overstepping since he doesn't even want to stay in the area. She wants to treat him like a child by mothering him. He says it's partly for his health, and she wants to tell him to sacrifice himself further for her while she gets to have what she wants. Sounds like she is the one overstepping boundaries by try to guilt him into staying. 4: Why was this fed so long? It should have been stopped years ago. Taking her on dates and treating her like the girlfriend fed this. Why is the 15 year old clinging on and all over him? Because he allowed it all along despite even a 2 year age gap was sexual abuse up to the teens where she is finally reaching the level where it becomes a 4 year gap is still abuse. His basically cuddling her into her teens was wrong in so many ways. No one should have thought it was cute. Not single person in this is innocent of creating the mess they now find themselves in.

[@fluffypearl4379]

Yay! Two vids in one day! 🥳

[@Cookie25559]

Ur the first comment lol

[@jeandobkowski8571]

I am 74 and NO ONE is going to tell me where to live( unless bad health) with the possible exception of my husband. I worked hard my whole life and if I can do something, want to do it, can afford it and doesn't hurt me, who cares. Our two children were raised to live independent lives and would never think to tell me where I could go or live. We have had many uuuuhhhh..".lively" discussions.

[@sianchild]

I'm 100% on OP's side in story one. I have worked in specialist provision for over a decade and have worked with many students like that. OP is taking the right approach and her mum wants an approach that would cause so much harm.

[@JohnSmith-zw8vp]

2:10 -- If this kind of toxic emotionally abusive garbage is what it means to "grow up" then I'd just as soon not to. I mean who wants to "grow up" to be like that? :(

[@katiesmith2031]

Hi Mark thanks for the video hope your day was wonderful Goodnight and sweet dreams

[@DragonbornCanid]

Story 1: *loud screaming* NO! YOU'RE NOT THE ASSHOLE!! OMFG

[@vincentender1486]

Got treated somewhat like the 'back in my day' by my mother and hers. But they are and were ( one is dead ) severely damaged themselves. I wouldnt be here if left at home after high school.

[@gigga143]

i actually had a "childhood crush" on my BIL when he and my sister first started dating, or so the stories go since i don't remember alot of it besides the icecream lol my sister was a teen when i was born and my family would joke and call him my boyfriend. he would bring me icecream and he and my sister would take me to the park sometimes before they went on dates. this was when i was like 3 and 4, by 5 i was over it... it's crazy her family allowed this to go on with her into her teenage years. this family needs to get Sammie some therapy, her reaction is really OTT and her being 15 now it has gone on way too long. it's not okay to make her sister's boyfriend uncomfortable, and the family should be listening to him and their daughter, rather than letting their youngest continue to be stuck in this fantasy which is no longer cute, and seems to be harmful.

[@MoriacMumma7]

NO! NO! NO! Some young children have difficulties being alone or away from family. Try going to school earlier so your daughter has time to play & get settled. Try finding a friend or two that she can bond with away from school, so school days are less stressful. I was an anxious child, so was one of my kids. I was there for her when she needed & encouraged her to play with friends. I mean, this kid, at 2 months old, would scream like someone was murdering her if it wasnt me holding her! Today she a well adjusted student who is still shy but excelling at school. Some kids just need a little longer to adjust.

[@oakenshadow6763]

Story 2: The guy sounds like an extrovert. He LITERALY needs human interaction to stay mentally healthy. He misses talking to coworkers. That isn't to put down talking to his wife. It is that extroverts need many people to sate a need for social contact. I say this as an introvert. Humans are social creatures, and extroverts even more so.

[@AceAviations2]

The MiL in story 1 and the last commenter in story 2 would get along pretty nicely with how little respect they have for people's mental health.

[@suruha2306]

That 20 minutes between work and home make a HUGE difference. We had to do it.

[@novabrilliant4510]

Extra waffle!Thanks Mark for the video ☺️ Your voice always makes my day. Thanks

[@abelink9229]

Story 1: tell MIL that she needs to toughen up, nobody cares if she's sad and she needs to grow up.

[@0Jenna7]

Story 2. Right. So this is all about bad routines. What OP needs to do is have a very serious talk with his partner that he's in over his head, and doesn't know how to decompress. Totally understandable by the way. A lot of people are really struggling to adjust to home life work. What he needs are routines, proper, good routines. Starting and finishing work at strict times. Taking the time to have a nice walk before and after those times so he can start decompressing and go into "dad" mode. Breaks during the day at specific times. Going outside during those breaks. Getting in contact with friends, preferably in person outside. We're all suffering through this pandemic, and while I agree we have to be safe, to an extent, we can't be too safe either because it's killing us. For your own mental health, you got to see people other than the ones living in your house. You gotta get out of the house. You gotta try to maintain a normal routine. And speaking of mental health, I'll make a brief comment on story one as well. I compare mental health to broken bones. Imagine having a broken leg and walking around on it, and not taking it to a doctor to have it properly treated. That's what ignoring mental health is.

[@samssams666]

Wait wait wait IN AUGUST?! WHERE IS SUMMER 5TH OF JUNE FORWARD AND JULY AUGUST SOME OF SEPTEMBER MEANT TO BE SCHOOL?!

[@kiwikiwi1586]

Story 1 Put the kid into online school and tell the school because of medical reasons she needs to have her camera off I think it would help her alot

[@reasonpeason847]

Story 2: I think my dad adjusted best to working from home because he basically replicated his work station (phone, computer, everything) and kept the same schedule. It’s easy to justify extra work since you’re not leaving, but I think the healthiest thing is to insist on the boundary because they’ll still expect it when you go back to the office (my sister’s bf got criticized when he returned to the office for being “late” but he replied saying “no, I was early working from home, I’m on time now” and that couldn’t be argued with). I’m in a situation now where I live at my work place after we’ve moved locations and it’s kind of hard, but I see the shift at 5. That’s when I start phasing in my personal work alongside any odds and ends to set up for tomorrow. It also means clearing the bulk of the extra work that we usually have sitting for when we have the time so that it doesn’t bog me down when I do find a place to live. It’s a hard division to make and insist on though, especially when other people are still here but I think because I’m still situationally open being at my computer anyway, it works for me. However, I don’t want to enforce the expectation that I’ll be here until 8 pm for when I do move out. As it is, I need to go to the gym to shower and go home on the weekends for laundry. Thing is, mental health is important ESPECIALLY with a child coming. The worst time for the breakdown is when you are dealing with all that responsibility. Now is the time to get yourself sorted, get the coping mechanisms in place, and start implementing the routine people can come to expect.

[@reasonpeason847]

(I can EASILY take advantage of the fact I work hourly, but I have too active a guilty conscience for that given we just changed ownership meaning the bank accounts are gonna be cleared and we have to start making payments to the previous owner and I’m THE office staff lol)